“Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed”

I’ve met Lori Gottlieb. She spoke at Kate’s bookstore. She was promoting a book about anorexia. How she fought back the disease in her teens.

But we all agreed she still had it. She verged on painfully thin.

And she boasted. About going to Yale and Stanford. But the funny thing was after talking down to us, she wanted to be friends with us. It was so strange, as if an Ivy Leaguer told community college students that they were inadequate and had no chance in life and then asked them to go to lunch and discuss their hopes and dreams. We all got a bad vibe from her. We discussed it at dinner. And then I forgot about her.

But then she wrote a book entitled “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.” But the funny thing was she was not married, she had not settled for anyone. And she decided to have a baby by her lonesome. I’m not talking about getting knocked up and not getting an abortion, I’m talking about consciously finding a sperm donor and having a kid. And call me old-fashioned, but I think a child is better off with two parents, gay, straight, whatever. But what truly bugged me in this case was she could not find a father, she could not be in a relationship, and having met her I could see why!

And now comes this book. I wouldn’t have read it based on principle, but my sister purchased it, because all her therapy patients were talking about it.

It’s really pretty good.

Having finished it last night, I went on Amazon to read the reviews. I started off with the one star ones. They said Lori was arrogant and elitist and I had to chuckle. They also said that she was living in an alternative universe, where people could afford to talk about their problems.

That’s what’s wrong with America, people don’t talk about their problems. And therapy is underfunded. Furthermore, most therapy is bad. The shrink we see in couples therapy lamented that. He said he’d had bad experiences. That professionals told him it was his problem he didn’t want to get married. So he did, and he got divorced. That’s another thing you have to be wary of, shrinks telling you what to do. Caused the worst mistake in my life. My present shrink would never give me advice, even though at times I crave it.

So “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” starts off with Lori Gottlieb getting dumped. She says she was gonna marry this guy, they’d agreed, but then he suddenly pulled out, saying he didn’t want to raise her kid, that he didn’t want to raise any kid (although people are famous for saying one thing and then doing another…wanting to be childless and then marrying someone with kids or having one of their own and doting on the offspring and testifying what a wonderful experience it is…chances are Lori’s ex didn’t like her, but she didn’t want to acknowledge this, it’s all about self-knowledge folks, but most of us live in the dark).

Being dumped sends Lori into therapy. Where she wants the shrink to tell her what a horrible person her ex was. But one of the big problems in this book is when you get to the end, and it’s quite long, over 400 pages, the reader gets no answers. It’s like Lori went on a journey from L.A. to San Francisco and stopped in Buellton. Or didn’t tell us anything past Buellton. It’s kind of strange, she reveals intimate details about everyone but herself!

That’s a feature of the book, her patients. And at first you start to wonder how she covered up their identities. Then you believe she must have made them up entirely, because of the details. So, either she has a great imagination or she’s breaking the doctor/patient privilege.

Still, the stories are fascinating. The arrogant TV writer/producer whose family feels disconnected from him. The lonely 70 year old. The bad-acting twentysomething. The ill woman. You get to know these people, you see their transitions in therapy. Although you might wonder if it was worth all that time and money. I believe in spending on therapy, as my shrink says, change one little thing and the whole picture can change. But most people, especially men, do not. Believe in therapy that is. It’s all about bucking up and keeping your emotions down. Now, more than ever. The sixties are over. The military went from abhorrent to loved.

And hearing Lori’s story is fascinating too. How she’s lost and trying to find her way in life. Now once again, if you’re not privileged, this is gonna bug you. An elitist flitting from one thing to another. Then again, you’re probably happier than she is.

And there’s an explanation of therapy concepts, which you’ll find insightful and rewarding. But don’t take them as gospel, see your own shrink. Then again, if you see a shrink, some light bulbs will go off, you’ll gain knowledge.

And Lori says she dropped out of medical school to write, but she’s not like Amor Towles, with an untapped ability. Lori’s writing is workmanlike (workwomanlike?) But she does get the story across.

And although my mind wavered at the end, before that the book called out to me, the organization was well done. You were interested in how it turned out for the patients and Lori, but as I said above, we’re left hanging with Lori. I don’t know why she blinked, after having revealed so much already.

And Lori appears on TV, supposedly they’re developing a TV show on this book. She’s working it. But shouldn’t she just be practicing therapy, shouldn’t that be enough? Of course it isn’t, Lori is searching for some elusive goal, thinking it will make her happy. As if knowing famous people and gaining adulation will somehow fix her life. This is no different from a mute male musician believing the same thing. And it doesn’t work for the musicians and it won’t work for her.

And she writes the “Dear Therapist” column in the “Atlantic.” That’s right, she needs fame. But those columns are nearly worthless, hell, Cheryl Strayed did a better job with “Dear Sugar.” And the truth is no therapy is instant. If you’re looking for answers right away, don’t even bother to spend the money. And Lori says this, but then gives instant advice… It doesn’t square.

But the book will probably boost her therapy business, even though she says she’s not taking new patients right now, she’s too busy promoting the book. What are her patients doing while she’s away? How about her kid?

But if you’ve got more questions than answers. If you’ve hit a wall and want to know how to pick yourself up and keep going… You’ll enjoy this book.

And most readers are women. Women can ask these questions, men can’t, proving they still live on a different planet. But that’s all we’ve got in our lives, our feelings, our connections.

Now as you can tell, I’m not up on Lori Gottlieb the person. Then again, that doesn’t disqualify her from writing an interesting book. It’s kinda like an abhorrent rock star who makes good records, there are tons of those.

So if you’re a feeling person. If you’re the type of person who can afford to go to therapy… This could be the best book I’ve read on the subject. It’s not a self-help manual, but a delineation of the process.

Hopefully you’ve been through it, or will be taking the plunge.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Why in hell does the left think that pointing out Trump’s peccadilloes will cause his base to do a 180 and suddenly decry the President?

This is what’s wrong with the Democrats. They don’t know how to fight. Hell, the press doesn’t even know what the issues are! That’s why Sanders and Warren are making such inroads. Biden is lost in the past, with no direction home, and all he does is attack Trump and tell us it won’t be long until our national nightmare is over. But will it?

Furthermore, Trump’s base is loving it! Hell, he eats at McDonald’s!

While the left keeps going on about transgender rights, the white right are wondering when they’re going to get their fair share. I know this is unpopular in the rainbow coalition of the left, but times have changed, we don’t have a homogeneous middle class population keeping the minorities down…we’ve got rich and poor and the poor are complaining. It’s about jobs, about safety, immigrants and minorities are just scapegoats. Meanwhile, the left keeps focusing on these faux pas, as if they point out flaws long enough those on the right will agree to the ethos of the college campus, where you’ve got to give trigger warnings, ask explicitly for sex and you can’t defend anybody on the right, hell, what was up with clipping the wings of that Harvard professor defending Harvey Weinstein. Isn’t that a basic tenet of the United States, that everybody’s entitled to a defense? As for the court of public opinion, turns out Richard Jewell was not the Olympic bomber and you’ve got to have pushback against government abuse. Isn’t that what impeachment is all about? Trump runs rampant over the Constitution and the Democrats sit on their hands saying it’s not prudent. Prudence went out the window back in 2016. And you can’t go viral unless everybody’s eyeballs are affected/tuned-in. As it is now, the right gets totally different news, if there were impeachment hearings the right would be forced to see Trump’s obstruction of justice, their news outlets would be forced to air it, with whatever spin. But right now the right sees Trump as innocent!

It’s not about getting Trump out of office, it’s about making sure he’s not elected in 2020, that Congress retains power, that we don’t end up with a strongman running ragged over our nation.

Meanwhile, things are turning left. Look at the vote in Turkey last weekend, or the Czech protest. And Hong Kong, where demonstrators changed the course of law. But no, in America you’ve got to sit on your hands. There are no leaders, and the parking meters are owned by hedge funds.

Speak to the underlying issues, not the penumbra. That’s why Warren is getting such traction, the same way Sanders got traction in 2016, by pointing out the inequities in society, with plans to solve them. Sanders was on to something, but it turns out the DNC and the media are still living in the past. Just because you’ve figured out how to make it work, with your professional job and your BMW, what about those who’ve lost their jobs and have no opportunities? And plenty of these people are not racist. Hell, try getting a new corporate job if you’re over fifty, good luck. And the safety net is not strong enough for these people to retire. Hell, they spent their safety net so their kids could go to college. Do you think they care about transgender rights and E. Jean? Of course not!

The left is kind of like rock. Believing it will never die. But rock has died. By refusing to reinvent itself and enter the future. And rock fans cannot stop bitching about hip-hop and pop. But at least those two genres are alive.

And the right wing media advocates.

And the left wing just reports.

Facts are not enough anymore, spin is everything. There are no left wing opinion pieces in the WSJ, at least most days, meanwhile the NYT keeps arguing over Bret Stephens and Bari Weiss…

We’re fighting a war here folks. And it isn’t about Donald Trump. It’s about the fact that America no longer works, the American Dream is in the dumper.

Oh sure, some on the right are racist and Trump encourages them, but pointing out their bogus beliefs is not going to change the course of history. This is like the Jews in Germany believing if they just put their heads down and obeyed the law, things would turn out all right. No, you’ve got to fight back, especially when there’s no place to go.

Of course facts matter. Of course they should be published. But that’s like saying Madonna entering the chart at #1 means something. Other than to her, it does not. Her new album, which you don’t know the name of, only garnered 4.5 million streams. That’s like a tree in a forest that fell and you didn’t hear it. That’s the land of unknowns. Maybe bubbling under, but still. As for redemptions of albums with tickets… Believe me, people aren’t going to the show for the new material…that’s when you take a bathroom break. And, the reason she’s playing small buildings is because she can’t sell out stadiums, at any price. She’s playing to the hard core. So, this isn’t even a blip on the radar screen. But it makes news in the NYT.

If the left was really about helping their brother, they would reach down and aid those on the right, or the middle, those who used to vote Democratic. Instead, they’re fighting with each other over what they can say.

Ridiculous.

Songs that you just can’t stand to listen to!

“Lefsetz Live,” Tuesday June 25th, on Volume 106, 7 PM East, 4 PM West.

Phone #: 844-6-VOLUME, 844-686-5863

Twitter: @lefsetz

Hear the episode live on SiriusXM VOLUME: HearLefsetzLive

If you miss the episode, you can hear it on demand on the SiriusXM app: LefsetzLive

It was joyous!

The seventies get a bad rap. The era is seen as one of excess, as opposed to the progenitor era of the sixties, where the Beatles caused a revolution and the album became a statement and…

If you went to a gig in the sixties, the sound was often bad, frequently the bands couldn’t play all that well, this is when they were still figuring it out. Long before Live Nation was an international presence, before consolidation, when it was all being developed. We lived through this in the internet era. Going from dialup to cable, from computers to smartphones, when gadgets were superseded not long after you brought them home. The technological wild west is in our rearview mirror.

But those were exciting times, before the stasis, before the hate, when the companies were our friends as opposed to enemies.

In the seventies, FM superseded AM. Suddenly radio was in stereo. And you needed a makeover of your auto’s interior to extract the sound. This is after you purchased components for your apartment or dorm room. We talked about cartridges like we used to talk about chips. We wanted more power, saved up for JBL L100’s. We just had to get closer to the sound, which was everything.

And the gigs were religious experiences. You could finally hear the music. And it was so popular stadium gigs were de rigueur. It’s only forty years later that stadium shows have made a comeback.

And the winners were the second generation. Not the Beatles and the British Invasion acts, but acts like the Eagles, Yes, Peter Frampton…the list goes on and on. And if they’re alive, they’re still doing boffo at the b.o. That was the impact of their music. The eighties were all about flash, how you looked on MTV. In that era you could rocket to the moon, become world famous overnight, and then be a nobody soon thereafter.

And in the years that have passed, people have forgotten the magic of the seventies. With the audience all on one page, paying fealty to the music, going to the gig to revel in sounds that were known by not only fans, but seemingly everybody. We marinated in the music. And those who were around back then have never forgotten. Their demands keep these bands on the road.

But none of them have a hit single anymore. As a matter of fact, none of today’s hits sound like anything from the seventies. And when Greta Van Fleet pays homage to Led Zeppelin, this is seen as an offense. But I’d say more new acts should look back to what once was, because then there was genius, a melding of act and listener that hasn’t happened since. Sure, Fleetwood Mac was on the radio, but “Rumours” was a staple in the home. Played over and over again. To the point where you knew all the licks, to the point where you had to go to the show.

Where you sat down.

Not only were tickets cheap, all the money being in recordings, the music got respect. Food was a bad hot dog. There were no smartphones for selfies. Going was a religious experience, where you were locked as one in thrall to the act. When done right, no one talked, everybody was together but in their own dreamland, this was the peak of their lives, hearing live what they knew by heart.

It’s not that way anymore.

But it was that way at the Ace last night.

Not that I expected it. I thought it would be an oldies show for the nearly dead. Instead it was an energetic performance that elated the act’s hard core fans.

You see this wasn’t a shed show. You know those gigs, where they book a slate of acts for a summer night, it’s a value proposition, you go as much for the experience as the music.

But America goes out alone. So everybody there wants to see the band.

There was not a cut they did not know. There was a standing ovation after “Sandman.” If you’d been flown in from outer space you’d think America was one of the most popular acts on the planet.

First and foremost, you did not need a libretto to understand the words. The music was not an assault, rather it wafted over you in waves, setting your mind free to recall those days back then, and the thread that takes you to today.

That’s what happens when you sit, You don’t have to jockey for position, you don’t get tired, it’s all about the sound and the experience. And the experience is all about the sound.

The band started off with “Tin Man.” That’s what you do if you have enough hits, you deliver right up top, to satiate the fans.

And America has a ton of hits. All of which they played. Sans attitude. It seemed that you could be up on stage with them, if you had any talent.

And the show wasn’t on hard drive, and there was not a ton of support, so the sound was alive, it breathed, there was only a five piece, enough room for everybody’s work to be heard. It was like sitting in front of the big rig back then, being able to pick out all the instruments, before the loudness wars and everything got compressed and air was anathema.

And this was an acoustic act, with support. So for most of the show, Gerry and Dewey strummed those big guitars. You were reminded when you used to play that guitar. In the seventies, after James Taylor, when you knew you were never going to make it, but you enjoyed learning and singing the songs.

But there was a guy who played his Les Paul with stinging leads. The melding of electric and acoustic is magic. And they played that song too, “You Can Do Magic.”

And occasionally Gerry sat down at the keyboard. And occasionally he and Dewey strung on electric axes. But really, this show was based on an acoustic platform, with drums, bass and electric guitar holding down the bottom and adding spice.

And I was sitting in the audience thinking being on stage would be fun!

It doesn’t usually look that way. The band is on a hundred gig slog. Just another date for cash. They’re bored, they hate each other, there’s a clear line of demarcation between on stage and off.

But we felt included last night. It was like the Ace was not even in Los Angeles, we had no idea what was happening outside its walls and we did not care.

The music is playing and my mind is drifting back to those days. Buying the first album, going to college, it was in 3-D, in color, in my brain. And I knew that everybody else was having the same experience, even if their memories were different.

And my favorite track on that first album was “Sandman.” And for me and many others it was the height of the show. It was heavy and meaningful and dramatic…like our music back then, before everybody became self-conscious.

That’s right, America can rock. But at no time was the show an assault. First and foremost it was music, whereas with so many people it’s about the performance.

Now I bought that initial LP, I know all the hits. But I can’t say I’m the biggest America fan.

But after last night, if you are a fan, or just want to hear these songs live, you need to go.

This is America’s fiftieth anniversary. They had a slew of hits, but like their contemporaries, not recently. But sometimes accidental moves chart the course of your entire life, sometimes to your detriment. Have one hit and it’s hard to go back to regular life, be a civilian.

And then there are other acts, with more success, who might be better off giving up, going to college, broadening their experience, having a second career.

And sometimes musicians come from the depths of the economic ladder, their success rises them above.

But America is made up of middle class members, their fathers were in the Air Force, on some level music was a lark.

But when you see the band live you see why they continue. Because it’s fun, because it’s an adventure, because of the connection with the audience, because of the music.

That’s how it was in the seventies, not about how you looked…Gerry and Dewey came out in street clothes, not outfits…but music.

And as I sat there as the music washed over me and resonated, in my own private reverie, I said to myself THIS IS IT!

And I wanted more.