“I’m Gumby, DAMMIT!”

What kind of crazy fucked-up world do we live in where SNL has its best show in decades?

One in which Eddie Murphy comes back to Rockefeller Center to exhibit his talent and blow the rest of the cast away.

Of course I wasn’t gonna watch this. I was convincing Felice to watch either “El Marginal” or “Gomorrah” on Netflix. But she said she had to see the opening of SNL first.

Well…

Rather than fire up the Roku downstairs, I decided to watch the opening. Which featured stars galore, and fell flat as it usually does, I didn’t laugh out loud once, and neither did Felice. Sure, the studio audience was howling, but they were just thrilled to be there.

But then Chris Rock showed up. And Chappelle.

Seems like a long time ago, but our comedy heroes have come back to roost. Watching Rock one remembered all his A-level specials, he was the new Carlin on HBO.

But Chappelle had even more stage presence, today he’s a bigger star than all of them, walking away from his TV show, going into hibernation and then coming back on Netflix and angering the same people who can’t seem to understand why Trump is President. What did that famous African-American seer once sing…DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS? I’m not gonna say I agree with everything Chappelle says, but he’s got a right to say it, and when people utter the politically incorrect, conversation flows, we get to figure it out for ourselves instead of being told how to think, or that we can’t think. Yup, what kind of crazy fucked-up world do we live in where you need trigger warnings, where colleges are so out of touch that the Republicans gain a talking point. I went to college, we protested, but we did not Facetime our mommies multiple times a day, going away to school meant you were an adult, you had to figure it out for yourself, you even had to do your own laundry!

But as the white nationalists rage, watching tonight’s program illustrated that it is black culture that rules the world, that is cool. Come on, Chappelle smoking a cigarette? And Lizzo! I hate that she sang to track, and the dancers in the first number were superfluous, but she evidenced talent and she was having so much FUN! I’m not saying it was dangerous, not Elvis Costello or Sinead O’Connor back in the day, then again, isn’t it illegal to be fat? I’m down with anybody questioning precepts. Isn’t that what rock and roll used to be, before it became about conformity and selling out to the man?

But in “Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood”… Eddie inhabited the character without chewing the scenery, he took a formula and jetted it into the stratosphere!

And how about that holiday cake sketch? He was the only one who evidenced any star power.

Yup, stars. That’s what we’re interested in. And we know it when we see it, just like pornography.

So back in ’73, I went to see “Lemmings” at the Village Gate. And it took only one performance to be closed by John Belushi and Chevy Chase. Their performances were embedded in my brain. Such that when they appeared on SNL…not only was I ready, but they became instant stars. Yup, it was a smaller world, easier to make it, but since Eddie Murphy, no one’s become an overnight, instant star on SNL. Well, Tina Fey came close, but otherwise we were exposed to nobodies going nowhere or people on their way to making hackneyed movies, unlike “Animal House.”

And Will Ferrell… He was too safe, he was warm and cuddly, you could take him home to mom.

But Eddie Murphy?

The closing segment, the one with the reputation for being way out there, that usually sucks, with Eddie hogging the camera at the North Pole? Come on, that’s local news to a T! If I say anything more, I’m gonna appear racist, but Eddie nailed it.

And even though Velvet Jones is not a new character, Eddie blew away the rest of the cast on “Black Jeopardy.”

We’re looking for excellence. In the everybody can be a star world of the internet, we give credit to those who do not deserve it. We’re looking for transcendent performances, ones we can never forget, where someone fully-formed comes out and knocks us dead.

Come on, did you ever see Prince?

Some people just have it in them.

And some people had it and lost it.

And to tell you the truth, I thought Eddie Murphy was lost, that he jumped the shark, with too much money and…

But when he talked about being the American Dad Cosby is not, staying at home with his kids, joking about having to go back to work to feed his progeny…

It reminded me of Richard Pryor at the Comedy Store, not long after he burned himself up, when he took the stage and started telling Richard Pryor jokes. You know, like lighting a match and bouncing it up and down and asking the audience what it was…

I wanna be taken to the limit, I don’t want to settle.

And our whole world is about settling these days. Everybody has the right to become President, everybody has the right to do everything, and what most people are best at is self-promotion, other than the work.

But most of us are just the audience, admit it. And when we’re lying in bed, or on the couch, and someone comes along and lifts us up, takes us away from our humdrum lives, makes us feel it’s great to be alive…

We’re all eyes and ears.

And tonight that was Eddie Murphy.

Retribution

It will make you want to go to Scotland.

And speaking of traveling, you might have caught the story about Norway refraining from drilling for oil off the Loften Islands. That’s important news, but even more staggering is the picture that accompanied said news, see it here:

Norway won’t drill in Arctic archipelago for billions of barrels of oil

Now if that does not make you want to go there…

So I’ve run out of sure bets on Netflix and Amazon.

Oh, let me throw down some criteria. I don’t watch movies. Well, I don’t watch non-fiction movies, just like I do my best not to read non-fiction books. If it’s based on a true story…well, I’d rather just read the story. I’m looking for a series, something I can dig my teeth into. And after finishing “Mrs. Maisel,” we pulled up “The Kominsky Method,” and after three episodes turned it off. There was some good word of mouth, but could anything by Chuck Lorre be worth watching? You know, the guy who did “Two and a Half Men”? Hopefully this kind of entertainment will die with network television. You know, lowbrow trying to appeal to the masses. It’s kinda like music, that which is unique, that takes itself seriously, is usually the most appealing. I’m not a big fan of Radiohead, but it fits this paradigm.

Now I’m not lacking for recommendations. My inbox is full. But it’s kinda like music recommendations, people don’t understand the concept, it’s not what YOU like, but what you think I will like. Believe me, when I’m recommending music I don’t start off with Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers, even though I love that initial LP.

Then again, there’s the issue of having the light shined upon you. (“Shone”? Who knows!) Like the NYT Sunday “Book Review.” They ask people what they read and they proffer the most obscure stuff, in order to make themselves look cool. Or maybe you should check out the WSJ’s best albums of the year

The Best Music of 2019: In an Age of Short Attention Spans, the Album Is Alive and Well

Oh, they mention Billie Eilish, Brittany Howard, Lana Del Rey and even Justin Howard/Bon Iver. You’ve probably heard of all those. But how about the first LP mentioned…the Brooklyn band 75 Dollar Bill, with their big hit album “I Was Real.” You’ll be glad to know none of the cuts on the LP reach six digits on Spotify, one doesn’t even reach five! Then there’s the famous Angel Olsen, and her album “All Mirrors.” Five of the tracks actually reach seven figures on Spotify, but with all this talk of hip-hop/pop concentration at the majors, the label is…Jagjaguwar, same as Justin Vernon/Bon Iver. Or how about Big Thief’s “U.F.O.F.”? A bunch of tracks in low seven figures, but have you even heard of the band? Oh, there is a rapper, Polo G. And at this point, most people have heard of FKA Twigs, at least those paying attention to the scene, but how about Jessica Pratt and her LP “Quiet Signs”? Actually, one cut does have four million streams, but the rest don’t break six digits.

And the point is not that the music featured in the WSJ list is bad. Who knows, I haven’t heard a bunch. But it certainly isn’t what you’re seeing on the “Billboard” chart. Used to be a limited number of projects were released per year, now it’s virtually endless. And almost nothing worth listening to is on a major label, and all the hype is only about what’s on major labels, and if this doesn’t make you feel overwhelmed and want to check out, you’re a better person than me, and one with more time.

That’s the problem with TV shows, they take a lot of time. You could click through a playlist of the above, but watching a number of TV shows? And as for playlists, we’re inundated with them, and after you skip through a bunch of bum tracks you beg off. Yup, music distribution has been figured out, but not music marketing. Used to be you could rely on the deejay, when the deejay could choose what to play, now you’re on your own, good luck!

As for short form video… Did you read the story in the WSJ about creators being burned out?

YouTube Created a Generation of Young Stars. Now They Are Getting Burned Out.

How many articles have we read about the YouTube stars being the future? The same wankers writing this are the same ones pontificating about the election and swaying it. Now even PewDiePie is taking a break. Want some good advice? Go to college, get an education, preferably one in the humanities, then you’ll be able to navigate the future.

Which brings us back to…

“Retribution.” A four part miniseries shot in Scotland and released by the BBC in 2016.

That’s what I love about today, art is a time bomb, just waiting to be discovered. You don’t have to be first, you don’t have to be hip, you can wend your way and find the good stuff eventually, it’s like a glorified board game and you’re the only one playing it.

So…

At first “Retribution” seems a bit hokey.

No, not at first, at the end of the first episode, when the construct is revealed, you think you’ve seen it before, you might even wince.

But as you power on…

Everyone’s got complications. No one is pure. And that reflects real life. Go under the surface and everybody’s got issues, even if they don’t reveal them to you. And life isn’t fair even though you want it to be and do you go along with the group or your own way and end up ostracized?

You’ll recognize John Lynch from “The Fall” (watch that before this) and “In The Name Of The Father.”

Lynch is calm, and then he’s intense. And just when you think he’s gonna hit someone, when he’s in their face, he doesn’t. And that’s a big issue… Could you ever hit your wife or husband? Don’t immediately say no. It may be you’ve never been put in certain situations, you might not know about certain situations, and if you do…

As for Laura Fraser, the DI…you’ll recognize her from “Breaking Bad” (which you should binge, you get hooked, but I’d say to binge “The Americans” first).

And you’ve seen Gary Lewis (not the one with the Playboys) and Juliet Stevenson and Joe Dempsie but the star is Joanna Vanderham, who is constantly confronted with crises of conscience.

So who did it?

That’s one of the things I hate about mysteries, there’s always a twist at the end, to a great degree it’s why I don’t read them. But unlike mystery books, the miniseries made from them are often fleshed out to the point where the conclusion is not the most important part.

So the two families are living in the middle of nowhere, what happens when you know everybody and everybody knows you?

And are you a weak person, can you endure the twists and turns of life?

And can you trust anybody but yourself. I know, I know, that sounds extreme, but you’d be surprised how the most loyal are not.

And are you listening, or are you alone together?

We watched the first hour and I wasn’t so sure about going back. But last night we marathoned the final three episodes, we couldn’t turn “Retribution” off.

Now I don’t like how they explain things. I prefer when you can infer, from what happens, what is said. Then again, is everything true?

Now “Retribution” is not light. It’ll change your mood. And that’s a change from so much of today’s disposable art.

And it’ll make you wonder about your own choices, your own life, it’ll set the wheels turning, and isn’t that what we want art to do?

Most voters did not watch it.

Politics is show business for ugly people. Donald Trump knows this.

The RNC and DNC do not.

Come on, Trump was promoting himself using a fake name. That’s what Trump knows, fame. And his image was cemented by the Mark Burnett produced “Apprentice.”

At this point, we all know that reality TV is a creature of editing. You can look good or bad, depending upon the storyline the producers want to convey.

Donald Trump was depicted as a brilliant businessman, a hands-on billionaire who made quick decisions, who was all about the Benjamins.

And that message was conveyed week after week on network television, before it was eclipsed by Netflix and YouTube.

The issues don’t matter!

The people watching tonight already know who they’re going to vote for.

It’s just the non-watchers who don’t.

News trickles down to those not paying direct attention. Oftentimes it’s inaccurate, but they don’t want to take the time to watch, to read, to research…they have other priorities.

And that’s fine.

But what they’re looking for is a star. Someone to believe in. Someone to follow. Someone to dedicate their life to.

Like musical artists.

Not actors, they play roles.

But musical artists? Their message is embedded in their songs. You believe they are these people.

But if you’re privileged enough to get up close and personal with these artists, in most cases you’re disappointed. They’re narcissistic, nonverbal and usually they are not interested in you.

But the image prevails.

Talk to any macher in the music business, one who signs talent, and they’ll tell you they’re looking for stars. I’m not a huge fan of the self-congratulatory Clive Davis, but he got this right.

Doesn’t matter who is the best player, it’s all about image. If you can write your own material, fine, but if you can’t, we’ll tailor some for you.

Want to talk about a star?

Harry Styles. His dates sell out immediately. He’s got rabid fans. He’s good-looking, generous and doesn’t self-promote, at least not compared to most people. Hit records are irrelevant, Harry’s fans believe in him.

Kind of like Oprah. She’s not the most beautiful person on television, but she’s one of the most honest, who radiates intelligence, who refuses to get in the gutter just for ratings. Hell, Oprah lifted her program up and became an icon! Yes, it’s those who break the mold who lead us into the future, they are stars.

Want to talk stars? How about John Lennon. He said what he thought, and it had gravitas because of his talent and success. He poured his passion into efforts like peace, and was willing to say the uncomfortable.

Now I could go through the history of show business and point out more stars, but one thing’s for sure, the Democrats will only win if they run one.

Tom Steyer?

I wouldn’t even want to have breakfast with him, I’d be fearful of being bored to tears.

Andrew Yang? A nerd who struck it rich whose heart is in the right place but seems out of touch with reality, at least that which is involved with running for President.

Amy Klobuchar? Like the girl running the bake sale. You know, like Paige Hardaway on “Atypical,” she’s always involved, always doing the right thing, but clueless as to how others perceive her.

So write those three off.

Let’s go to Pete Buttigieg.

He started off with star power, but somehow he’s lost it.

A star appears not to play the game. A star tests the limits, doesn’t shy away from them. A star, at least in the old days, is not a member of the club, but singularly in their own club. Pete hanging with billionaires, raising money from the fat cats? Who can get behind that except for those donating?

Biden?

Now listen people, we’ve been through the movie before. John Kerry? Supremely qualified. And was Swiftboated to defeat. That’s right, a war veteran was beaten by someone who didn’t go.

Same deal with Hillary Clinton. A wonk’s wonk. Who doesn’t even know how to read society, and no one around her did either. Big stars have instinct, and lesser ones have managers who tell them what to do. Neither Hillary nor her handlers had a clue as to how she came across.

Biden is no star. He’s the uncle you avoid at parties. Who tries to be hip and ends up looking clueless.

So none of the above-listed candidates can win. IMPOSSIBLE! They lack the magnetism of a star. Once again, Buttigieg had it, but he squandered it, like a hit act that puts out an album contradictory to their image.

So that leaves us with Bernie and Elizabeth.

Now I’m not saying they are the biggest stars, I’m just saying they’re the only stars presently running, at least those with any traction.

Michael Bloomberg? Anybody who knows him knows he’s brilliant, but boring. Steve Jobs was a star. Bill Gates never was. You might be interested in what Bill Gates reads, but you don’t want to take personal advice from him, he seems out of touch. Rich, but clueless.

Bill Clinton was a star.

Barack Obama too.

Clinton was like Trump, the slings and arrows kept coming but he kept ducking and soldiering on. You see every star is subject to blowback. The key is not to cave.

Kind of like elite athletes. Skill is one thing, performance under pressure, when the trophy is on the line…that’s a separate quality that is developed with experience.

So I’m not against the Democrats putting up a star not presently in the race. A superstar, hopefully. Someone who may not be perfect, but can lead. Kinda like musicians. There’s a good chance there will be a brokered convention, we may not have seen the last candidate.

Elizabeth Warren is a star. Because she switched parties, because she pulled herself up by her bootstraps, because she stands up to the man. But she’s only learning now how to stand up to pressure. You double-down, you don’t re-evaluate, that’s what they’re looking for, the gotcha moment.

Which brings us to Bernie Sanders. He’s Kurt Cobain. Deep into democratic socialism when no one was paying attention, just like Kurt was into punk. You have no doubt where Bernie is coming from, he’s got credibility, as in he walks the walk and talks the talk, he sticks to his guns (and lives in Vermont and can’t be too against firearms).

You react to Bernie. You either love him or hate him.

And Bernie’s message is loud and clear… The working man got screwed and I’m going to level the playing field.

Come on, give me one sentence about everybody above other than Warren. Joe…I’ve been there and will bring back normalcy? Who can get excited about that? That would be like David Bowie saying he was going to remake “Let’s Dance.” I’ll give you a more recent example… U2 went on tour playing the entire “Joshua Tree,” and they instantly became an oldies act. Sure, their fans loved it, but the rest of us put them permanently in the rearview mirror. Come on, an artist doesn’t kowtow to his fans, and never does it solely for the money, who can believe in that?

Now Bernie Sanders is not Michael Dukakis and it’s not 1988 anymore.

Tell me exactly what Dukakis was promising, boil his message down to one sentence. Utterly impossible! As for 1988… Many people thought things were going pretty well, a lot of people don’t think things are going so well today.

So there it is Democrats. Your only choice is Sanders or Warren. They’re the only ones who have the star power. I’m not saying they have the best star power, the most star power, but of those running, they’re the only ones who can compete with Trump.

Trump was his own man during the whole election cycle. He didn’t care about the pundits, the news, your perception of him, he was playing to a base that existed in his mind, but no one in the Beltway’s…and he won!

So let’s boil it down.

Only a star can win. Trump is definitely a star. Who is the Democrats’ star?

Think about that.

He created AOR, the album-oriented rock radio format. He designed the original XM channels. Legendary radio programmer Lee Abrams is just not another consultant, listen to glean his insights.

Howard Stern talks to Hillary Clinton about Lee Abrams (start at 15:20):

Hillary Clinton on the Howard Stern Show Pt. 5

You can also read some of Lee’s musings here:

Lee Abrams

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