It’s inflammation.

What caused said inflammation?

Could be an infection, it’s not clear.

What happens now?

Well, I take a steroid dosepak to try and fix the condition. And in three months, I return for another scope.

But there is one caveat, they have to run the urine sample. Theoretically that could show cancer, but the odds are very low.

So I’m relieved, but right now numb.

Actually, the anticipatory anxiety began on Sunday night.

Oh, that’s right, I did not tell you I employed a connection to move the appointment up to today. One’s entire life is about building relationships that pay dividends. Ultimately, it’s all about who you know, and in this case I know someone who could pull the right strings and I’m forever grateful, if for no other reason than I don’t have to continue to remain in suspended animation, wondering what is going on for two more weeks. Then again, to say I’ve returned to normal emotionally is not quite accurate.

As for my dick… IT DOESN’T HURT!

Not significantly more than when I went in there…there’s still some residual pain from the first cystoscopy.

As the appointment approached my anxiety became more about the procedure than the result. Because really, last time it was ultimately so painful that I just could not imagine tolerating that level of discomfort once again.

And then I had to wait. Which I can tolerate. But at Clark Urology the last time they saw me EARLY, they’re usually close to on time.

And what do you do during that window? Funny what you can look up on your phone that has nothing to do with everyday life. Reminds me when I have to take opioids after an operation. You can’t concentrate and work, you just mindlessly surf. In this case at adultconfessions.com Don’t ask me how I found it… I just clicked through on some Google result and ended up there and I continued to read the stories, which are as far removed from the war in Iran as one can get.

But eventually my name was called.

By my buddy the nurse. We picked up where we left off. We talked watches and cars and I undressed and I lay down with my penis through an opening while he lacquered me up and…

Waited for the doctor to come in.

As for the doctor…

Never forget, everybody’s an expert. You do know why I have this condition, don’t you? THE COVID VACCINE! Yup, multiple people e-mailed me that. And then there were those who said not to trust western medicine, that I needed to take these supplements from some doctor in Hawaii and… Do people really believe this stuff? Is this how distrusted expertise has become? I remember when my back went nuclear three decades ago. Everybody told me two things…do not go to physical therapy and do not get a steroid shot, never ever!

So I didn’t go to physical therapy, just stayed with acupuncture for months, and never got a steroid shot… But physical therapy ultimately cured me. And when my back was bad before Covid, they shot me up and the pain went away! But I listened to the scuttlebutt, from the people warning me about all the potential ill effects. Don’t listen, trust the experts.

So I’m trusting the system, I’m not at the stage where you get a second opinion. I was going to use the expert I was referred to. But my inbox started to go wild with all these authorities telling me who to use, because obviously their doctor is the best. Well, the funny thing is…most of the people said to use the doctor I was seeing, so that was good confirmation.

And when the doctor finally arrived. I expressed my anxiety.

And he shrugged, close to a wince. So I told him about the pain I’d experienced last time, that I was more worried about the procedure than the results, which at this point I really was.

He said there would be no problem.

AND THERE WASN’T!

Reminds me of when I had my first bone marrow test when I got cancer. To say it was painful… This nurse is drilling into my hip bone, and not only was the procedure excruciating, the recovery took weeks.

And the next time they were preparing me for a bone marrow test…

I locked into the conversation. They seemed to be talking about the previous test, which had been months before, I mean how could they remember it? And then they started to soothe me in advance, told me it wouldn’t be like the last time, and they’d FIRED THAT NURSE AFTER MY PROCEDURE!

Whew!

And that second bone marrow test was light years less painful and with today’s cystoscopy I had the same experience. Actually, the injection of the lidocaine in advance in preparation was more painful.

And as I’m girding for the worst, the doctor tells me to look at the monitor. And I can see that I’m bleeding, not heavily, but I still am bleeding, which I thought would not be the case, since I hadn’t been urinating blood, VISIBLE blood.

But inky blood was streaming off the bladder wall… Well, low-level streaming. And the doctor is moving the camera, he points out the various bleeding areas and says it’s like the San Andreas Fault. After he says it doesn’t look like cancer, that cancer looks completely different.

And it wasn’t hit and run, he drove the camera around my bladder, zeroed in on the problem areas, and it wasn’t painful at all.

And he said the problem was inflammation.

So what caused the inflammation?

He did not know. Could be an infection, could be an injury, it’s unclear. But compared to having cancer, this is no big deal, this is GREAT!

And he wasn’t upset. You’ve got to be there when the doctor does the test and the results are not good. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this. Their whole demeanor changes, this is no longer routine. But today it was no big deal!

Then again, as he was whipping off his rubber gloves, the doctor did say he couldn’t be absolutely definitive until he ran the urine test. It could show cancer. But when I quizzed him, like I said above, he told me the odds were extremely low.

So…

What have I learned?

That first night, after I stopped bleeding and saw no need to go to the emergency room? That was stupid. This problem needed to be addressed. After all, my bladder is still bleeding, however lightly, nearly three weeks later.

Two, you’ve got to plug into a major health system, with not only world class experts, but more than one of them. You don’t want to be at the mercy of the one person in town, who probably doesn’t do this every day.

Third… When you’ve got a health issue, everything else becomes secondary.

Fourth… I was positively stunned at the response I got to my issue, the caring and the warmth. I mean I expected a response, but not of this intensity and magnitude. To quote James Taylor:

“Once you tell somebody

The way that you feel

You can feel it beginning to ease

I think it’s true what they say

About the squeaky wheel

Always getting the grease”

“Shower the People”

So we will now be returning to our usual programming, where you disagree with me and put me down.

But I can handle it. It’s much better than what I was facing!

“Hollywood Heavyweights Sign Letter Opposing Paramount’s Deal for Warner Bros. – The letter warns that the deal will result in fewer jobs for creatives, along with higher costs and less choice for audiences.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/13/business/media/hollywood-letter-opposing-paramount-warner-bros-deal.html

You can’t stop progress…

Or why does Hollywood continue to fight the last war?

Do I like Bari Weiss in control of news not only at CBS, but CNN?

Do I like Zaslav walking away with a billion dollars?

No, but the story here is not the consolidation of aged film studios, but the explosion of alternative avenues of distribution.

Statistics, as well as analysts, tell us Netflix’s main combatant for viewing time is not Disney+ or Amazon Prime or Hulu or network or cable, but YOUTUBE!

The barrier to entry on YouTube is nonexistent! Anybody can create and play.

As for the amount of money they say it takes to make a movie…

Let’s see, music is the canary in the coal mine for digital disruption. So what happened in music when the avenues of distribution were changed, from physical retail to online streaming? Creation EXPLODED!

Used to be it cost a fortune to go into a studio and make a major label album. Now you can do it on you laptop in your home. And even the biggest stars are making music more cheaply, why do you need a big studio to cut vocals? The entire industry has changed as a result of technology. But we hear again and again from those in the film world that the game must remain the same. Why are movies immune? They’ve got no antitrust protection like the NFL…and the government is investigating that right now, since you have to pay multiple outlets to see all the games, the three (four) network availability is long gone.

So…

Let’s talk about distribution… The problem isn’t getting in the theatre, being available at all. Even completely indie pictures that are not picked up at film festivals can be monetized on YouTube and other services.

As for technology… You can and even auteurs like Steven  Soderbergh, have shot complete movies on iPhones.

Now let’s be clear, if you’ve got tens of millions of dollars, great gaffers, never mind cinematographers, and support with craft service can you achieve a better-looking film than you can for bupkes? OF COURSE! But the dirty little secret is what makes a film successful is story, not look. Look is secondary. But so many went to film school and put look first… Maybe they should be forced to work on the cheap.

Furthermore, the major studios have curtailed production dramatically. Why? Because the audience cannot support more films. Theatrical attendance is down. Trying to keep the theatres propped up with numerous films is akin to trying to prop up your local full-price physical bookstore when there’s the Amazon alternative. As for publishers, they killed the e-book, and what is the result? BUSINESS IS DOWN! That’s what keeping your business in the past looks like.

So, would creative people like more outlets for their wares?

OF COURSE!

But talk to mastering engineers, there used to be a few elite people, now there are a zillion and you can even do it with LANDR and no people.

But it’s not only in Hollywood that no one can lose their job, but America in general. Just because you trained for a gig, even worked it for a decade or two, you’re not entitled to lifetime employment, no one gets that in America anymore, but film people believe they deserve this?

Films are now a home experience. If I hear one more ancient self-satisfied director talk about seeing flicks in a theatre…

I’m going to whip out twenty five year old stories where the major labels and classic acts said that MP3s were inferior and music must be listened to on a purchased CD. MP3s were good enough for the public, and they loved the portability. In an on demand world do you really want me to plan ahead to see a movie in a theatre with those who do attend on their smartphones and…talk about a bad experience. My home screen may not be as large, but the film starts when I want it to, I can pause it for a bathroom break or a phone call…this is not a step backward, but progress.

Can we discuss overseas production? Absolutely, but in the same breath we have to talk about local incentives, i.e. states competing against each other with tax breaks.

The film business is far from perfect, but…

It is a business. And Warner Bros. Discovery is LADEN with debt. Wasn’t that the complaint just recently? That Zaslav was killing projects left and right? It is a business, and something had to be done about that debt.

This is the greatest time in history to be a creator. The means of production and distribution are at your fingertips. Do they look identical to the ones of the past? No, but how come Hollywood not only overpays its executives, but believes its cheese should never move?

This is a bad look. Do you really think the public has sympathy for these creators protesting? It’s like the billionaires lobbying against the California wealth tax. Who exactly has compassion for these people?

Certainly not the public… Which is overwhelmed with content. Never mind so many angry that studios don’t even make the kinds of films they like anymore.

As for consolidation… Once again, it happened in music first. And I must admit, the three remaining majors do have undue power as a result of their catalogs, but that wouldn’t differ whether there were three or six, it’s hard for an independent company to compete with an entity with these past treasures…

However, when it comes to streaming music, the majors have negotiating leverage, but ultimately, Spotify, et al, give all rightsholders essentially the same split. Maybe on the terms the majors negotiated, but there’s a limit to how good a deal they can make, otherwise the DSPs will be put out of business, they need a profit too. As for that profit… Physical retailers got a hundred percent markup. Spotify, et al, give about 70% to rightsholders, and there’s no manufacturing, no shipping and no returns!

But what has happened as the majors have consolidated?

The indie field has burgeoned. That’s an understatement, the indie slice of the pie keeps growing and that of the major labels’ new artists’ keeps going down. Nature abhors a vacuum. The majors can’t break an act, so nimble indies are running circles around them.

Actually, the same thing is happening in video too, it’s just that smug Hollywood doesn’t want to admit it. Sure, there’s dreck on TikTok and YouTube, but there’s a ton of dreck coming from the studios too. But all the innovation seems to be coming online. That’s where the bleeding edge is, and that’s what people always want in entertainment, something new and different.

We are not living in the days of yore… Even the aforementioned CBS News and CNN… They reach a tiny fragment of the public, most people get their news from a zillion different sites. Do you really think America wants to see the same few studio films? OF COURSE NOT!

And of course studios make TV shows too… But come on, streaming has added so many new shows, there may not be as much production now, but compared to the pre-Netflix days?

How can so many be so out of touch? Even Lars Ulrich ultimately embraced the techies. As for not wanting Metallica’s work tapes distributed, the script has now flipped. Acts are begging for any attention at all! They’re not only putting out everything in the vault, they’re creating material especially for social media, to try and gain traction.

So I’ve got no sympathy.

And who are you complaining to anyway? Trump? Like Trump is on the side of Hollywood?

As the Eagles sang three decades ago, GET OVER IT!

This is not what I expected.

As a matter of fact, I probably wouldn’t have watched it at all if Harold hadn’t given me a heads-up.

So I was going hiking in the mountains…

Am I the only one who has become burned-out on podcasts? Enough with the true crime, enough of the happy-talk banter, I need something more fulfilling. So I’ve recently started watching Netflix shows while I climb the mountain. No, not narrative stuff, but Bill Maher and comedy… I figure whatever I miss is not relevant, because otherwise I probably wouldn’t watch these shows at all. But I do find myself taking my phone out of my pocket and peeking now and again…

So I know Jeff Ross from late night TV, when he was trying to make it, at the advent of his career. Once he became the vaunted Roastmaster…I can’t say that roasts are my thing. Maybe because I’ve been made fun of too much in my life. I know, most of it is in fun, but there are always some jabs that hit home and…I don’t find it enjoyable entertainment.

Not that I haven’t been exposed to Jeff Ross… You hear him here and there… But I was prepared for an hour of roasting, put-downs, which done solo are a bit more palatable, but that’s not what I got.

What I first got was a Jewish song…yes, Jeff sings in this special, with the refrain “Don’t f*ck with the Jews.”

Now I’ve got to say, at this point in time, probably my whole life unless I’ve been with members of the tribe, I downplay my Judaism. Almost all of us do, after two thousand years of persecution. Furthermore, there are all the tropes about the Jews being cheap, yet rich… And it’s even worse these days. Can you say “Israel”?

So I’m wondering how not only I am going to cope with Jeff’s song, but the rest of the world. How are Jews going to feel about this? Do we want this to be emblematic, do we want to go on the offensive? Especially if the crimes Jeff delineates are not so heinous?

So Jeff is singing about his family catering hall, and then he segues into a litany of all the inventions the Jews have created.

Now if you know your history of “Seinfeld,” you know that they made George half-Jewish, because they were fearful if he was 100%, it would be too much for the audience, even though Jason Alexander radiates his Jewishiness from the get-go.

Now in the old days, when the world was smaller, yet bigger, when every event was not broadcast online for the world to see, there were places Jews went where they were amongst themselves and they could be themselves. Most famously, “the mountains,” i.e. the Catskills. And the entertainment in the hotels ultimately graduated to television, Jewish humor took over the airwaves, from not only Lenny Bruce, but to Alan King and Totie Fields, and laughs were gotten and comics were inspired but there started to be this feeling, this belief, that the Jews were squeezing the rest of the public out, not giving the goyim opportunities, so you don’t see the broad Jewish jokes of yore on TV anymore. And, once again, antisemitism has never been more rampant and intense in my lifetime. And Jeff Ross is broadly proclaiming his Jewishness and telling people not to f*ck with us?

But how many people were going to watch a Jeff Ross special anyway?

Then again, he is the ROASTMASTER!

So, I’m waiting for the roasting. And believe me, there are asides. And at first I think Jeff’s going to sing the whole show, but ultimately he settles down and starts telling his story. Yes, that’s what “Take a Banana for the Ride” is all about, Jeff Ross’s life story.

Everybody’s got one, most people are too anxious to tell it, especially if it makes them appear vulnerable, or less than. Sure, there are bleeding hearts begging for sympathy online, but that’s not what Jeff is doing here.

He reveals his illness… This special is the best advertisement for getting a colonoscopy ever.

But his family…

Conventional wisdom is every Jew has a white collar job and is rolling in dough. But this is patently untrue. Some of Jeff’s relatives had blue collar jobs.

But Jeff was born in 1965. And as he grew up it was no longer the dark ages. Believe me, when I grew up I didn’t have to worry about my father doing cocaine. And back in the day, cancer was more often than not a death sentence.

So Jeff is just going along, trying to get along. But he’s embedded in the family business, and the family issues, and he’s just like you and me, but then there are some twists and turns…

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry.

Literally. Watching this special tears will come to your eyes.

Now checking my phone as I was hiking I realized Jeff was projecting some images during the show, and I just finished the last half hour now, but I was inspired to start from the beginning again. Because I wanted to see the images.

To be honest, the vibe is different when you look instead of see. Or maybe it was because I was exercising, the words hit me ever so much more.

And I’m not a pet person. And when Jeff started to devolve into his dog story…but he made it work, he made EVERYTHING work.

This is not a conventional standup special. Far from it.

But it’s not an actor’s one person show either, because being a comedian Jeff’s presentation is broad, yet much more intimate, much more human.

Now a lot of times you watch this stuff and it’s made to feel you inadequate, they’re them and you’re you and never the two shall cross in life. They’re up there and you’re down here. But Jeff Ross… I went to school with this guy. And if you grew up in the suburbs with a modicum of Jews in your neighborhood, you did too. He wasn’t the smartest, the most popular…but those aren’t the people who surprise you, but those who are overlooked by the system, who find their own way.

I’ve never seen a comedy special like this before. Chris Rock tells some edgy stories about his personal life, but they’re always about the resulting joke, whereas in “Take a Banana for the Ride” not every line is funny, or a buildup to a payoff. Sometimes they’re just the facts of Jeff’s life, like we all have, but they made them who he is. And you’ll have sympathy for Jeff, but at the end he sends the message that you should have sympathy for yourself.

You’ll be envious of the number of friends Jeff has, who communicate with him and are there for him, but the funny thing is by the end of the special, despite some crowdwork with put-downs, Jeff appears warmer and more approachable than almost every other comedian. Which is especially head-turning, because he’s literally is the Roastmaster.

He’s not the other, thinking he’s better than you, nor do you picture him isolated, writing jokes in his hotel room or with his buddies at the diner.

No, you see him as someone you know, the kind of friend you hang out with, watch the game with, b.s. about life with.

This is an amazing achievement.

I don’t want to build it up too much, because then your expectations will be so high that you’ll be disappointed.

But I will say that each and every person reading this should watch “Take a Banana for the Ride,” it’s more human and fulfilling than anything else on TV right now.

Watch it. Right away. TONIGHT!

This show is a winner. Which is a relief after a slew of so-so material.

That’s the problem with TV, even despite the reviews, you’re never quite sure whether you’re getting something traditional, maybe just a small step step better than network fare, or something deep which is equivalent to a movie.

You might have read that the new “Mario” movie is doing boffo at the b.o. Seems like parents want to take the kiddies out. The only people who aren’t being serviced at the theatre are those with a brain, those who remember when movies moved the culture. Unfortunately, too many of these people, mostly boomers, pooh-pooh what’s on television, and that’s a grave mistake.

Should I mention the losers we watched? Well, not exactly losers, but stuff that isn’t good enough for me to recommend.

There was “That Night,” a Spanish show on Netflix, which got some great reviews. Acting, plotting, everything was really good except for the tone, which alternated between being too light to serious, frivolous to intense. I enjoyed it, but if I’d never seen it, that would be okay.

And then there was “Outrageous” on BritBox, whose main flaw was that it stopped in the middle of the story and as of now, a second season has not been commissioned. It’s a true story about this aristocratic family in the U.K. prior to World War II whose members take opposite political sides, one is a communist eager to fight in Spain, another is involved with the fascist Oswald Mosley. Once again, the tone is too often light, yet there are good things about relationships and a peek into thirties Germany but the fact that the viewer is left hanging was unsatisfying.

Then I wanted to watch “Gone” on BritBox, but it turned out it wasn’t on BritBox yet. Reviews were stellar, but JustWatch.com told me I was out of luck.

And that’s when we decided to watch “Payback.”

Now I’d never heard of it. even though it was first released in the U.K. two and a half years ago. I.e. the buzz didn’t translate across the pond. And the reviews were not as good as those of “Gone,” but we were in a U.K. kind of mood, so we dove in, and were hooked from the first instant.

That’s what I want from a television series, to be taken away. Not so much to suspend disbelief, as a matter of fact the grittier and more true to life a show is, the more I like it. But if a show is good enough not only am I hooked, the rest of the world falls away. And this is hard to achieve, even in the theatre people are on their smartphones.

I want to be invested. I want to know the people, the nuances, which is why I prefer series to movies.

So, all you’ve got to know here is “Payback” stars Peter Mullan, who you’ll recognize instantly, but you may not be sure where from… But research will tell you he played the evil Jacob Snell in “Ozark.” You remember, he and his wife used their land to grow poppies…

In “Ozark,” a phenomenal show if you haven’t seen it, Snell is not only a criminal, he’s a bad guy, a local who threatens Jason Bateman’s Marty Byrde. Byrde can never quite relax around Snell. And in “Payback,” the character Mullan plays is just one step more intense.

Not over the top in an American series way, but you constantly see the iron fist inside the velvet glove. Most of the time Mullan’s Cal Norris is calm, anything but a hothead, running legitimate businesses, even being friendly, but he’s got to get his way, you cannot cross him, and if you do… I mean I’m watching the show and I feel threatened!

On the other side of the equation is Morven Christie, who was in one of my favorite streaming series ever, “The A-Word,” set in the Lake District north of Manchester. Morven’s Alison Hughes is the mother of autistic child Joe, who is soothed by rock music on his headphones and… “The A-Word” is not a sappy, heartstring-puller. It’s real, which means you see moments of warmth and exasperation.

So in “Payback,” Morven Christie’s Lexie Noble is forced to work for Mullan’s Cal Norris and there’s a death and the police are involved, however…

This is not the usual police show, focusing on the officers figuring out what went down and who is guilty. Rather it’s all about Lexie being stuck in the middle between the law and the criminal and trying to navigate the situation not to her advantage, but so that she and her children will survive.

“Payback” is not predictable. Once you think you know where it’s going, it twists, ever so slightly, not unbelievably, and you’re kept on your toes.

As for the rest of the cast, you will recognize Prasanna Puwanarajah as the pharmacist in “Line of Duty,” which I hope you’ve seen, this show about “bent coppers.” However, Puwanarajah is not the bumbling guy he was in that series. In “Payback” he plays a financial investigator for the police.

As for the police…you will recognize Andi Osho as DI Royce. She too was in “Line of Duty,” but you’ll know her from a slew of other shows too. And Osho always projects competence, but is she the good person here, does she even know what is going on?

And Derek Riddell plays DCI Adam Guthrie. And the question is raised in the series, is he ultimately trustworthy? Are cops in general trustworthy or do you have to look out for yourself?

I don’t want to tell you any more, because it’s the twists and turns that keep you invested.

But mostly Peter Mullan… Can the law ever compete with criminals? But it’s his intensity that shakes you, I was scared of him and he was on my TV screen!

Two thumbs up, I wholeheartedly recommend “Payback.”