https://www.netflix.com/title/81387962

Come for the personal information.

Take the therapy insights with a grain of salt.

I can’t really tell you whether you’ll be intrigued or bored by “Stutz” because it’s very hard for me to watch TV alone these days. Unless Felice is glued to the screen too, I keep checking how many minutes are left, wondering if I could make better use of my time. It’s not that I need to check my e-mail or social media feeds, it’s just that when I watch TV alone I start to squirm, I find it hard to sit still, it takes all my power not to shut off the presentation. Now there are exceptions, but they are rare. These are riveting streaming programs, but if they’re that riveting Felice wants to watch them too. However, she does have a limit when it comes to violence, so I’m on my own when it comes to those shows. I did watch all three seasons of “Suburra,” but I have not been able to bring myself to watch the original movie upon which the series is based. And the reason I watched “Suburra” was because “Gomorrah” was temporarily unavailable. Yes, the Italian Mafia series that had real life consequences was owned by the Weinstein Company, but when that imploded it took a long time for the series to reappear, on HBO, and people rave about it, and I want to see it, but it’s just too violent for Felice. I did watch one episode, but I haven’t gone beyond that. And I was doing a podcast with W. David Marx, all about his book on status, and he started talking about this experience, how others had it too, how they couldn’t finish movies, and then I did not feel so alone. And one thing is for sure, we want to feel connected in today’s world, and I’m not talking the internet pipes, I’m talking the people who use those pipes.  Bottom line… I started “Stutz” a few times and ultimately finished it last night, but I won’t say it was easy. How much of that is me as opposed to the film? A lot.

Anyway…

The subject interested me. What we’ve got here is Jonah Hill making a film about his therapist. Hill wants the public at large to be exposed to Phil Stutz’s tools.

Therapy, there are no shortcuts. I wish there were. But you’ve got to put in the time to get results. I tried the other way, it does not work. Cognitive behavioral therapy will get you over the hump, it will allow you to cope, but it does not address the underlying issues. However, behavioral therapy is the only thing that works for OCD, you can do conventional talk therapy ’till the end of your life, it will have no impact, if you’ve got OCD, seek out a behavioral therapist who specializes in treating this condition.

And in truth, I was anxious about watching “Stutz,” because I went through a really bad thing in the nineties. And having read no self-help books previously, I started to devour them. It didn’t help much. And ultimately I was told by a shrink to put my faith in a single psychiatrist and to stop reading, paying attention to self-help and other therapies.

That’s mainly why I was trepidatious about watching “Stutz.” You see I’m easily influenced. There are those who are confident, who can brush off insight and criticism. I am the opposite. I always see my own flaws and am open to ways to fix them. However, forgetting the charlatans, self-help books are not individualized, what works for others may not work for you, probably won’t. So you need one on one live therapy and I must tell you, you get what you pay for. And it’s expensive.

Anyway, Jonah Hill was depressed…

This is what makes “Stutz” interesting. Jonah had all this success, but he was still depressed, he couldn’t figure out why. No therapist could help him break out of this depressive cycle until he met Phil Stutz.

Now whatever works, I endorse. As long as it’s not looney-tunes, as long as the therapist does not become a guru who changes your basic behavior.

And what helped Jonah was…

Stutz says he wants to give everybody hope at their first session. So he talks about life force. Do you know your purpose in life? Or maybe you did and now you don’t. And you’re ready to work 24/7, but you’re wary of spinning your wheels, and you’re depressed. Stutz has a pyramid to address this, which he reveals immediately, both in treatment and the movie. First, at the bottom, you must exercise. This is absolutely true, it completely changes your mood. It may take a ton of effort to get off the couch, but you need to. It’s hard to explain, but when you’re done, you’ll be high, feel better for hours, if not more. The second level is all about interacting with people. This is the problem with depressed individuals, they get too isolated, they give up hope. Stutz says to make the effort, not to wait for others to do it, make plans, talk to people…you get a high just from doing this, but also you feel part of humanity, part of the fabric of life. And the third part of the pyramid, the top, has to do with your body and what you eat and… I delineate the three levels of life force treatment because I believe in each and every one. Most definitely the first and second levels, exercise and interaction. If you’re depressed right now and are not in therapy, watch “Stutz” and follow his prescription, it will help.

As for the rest of what “Stutz” has to say…

I won’t say it’s wrong, but it supersedes the underlying issues. Maybe if you’re in therapy with Phil, you get more. But if you’re sitting at home and you just follow his prescriptions… Don’t. I won’t disagree with any of them specifically, I’ll just say the film almost gives a template, which you can follow…off the edge of the earth. All the tools must be employed in the context of your individual life. And…

I don’t believe in therapeutic prescriptions. So what do I mean by that. I mean I don’t believe in therapists telling you what to do. And Jonah addresses this, but… Let me just say I’ve had huge life consequences as a result of listening to what therapists told me to do. Whereas the therapist I’ve been seeing for a long time now will never tell me what to do, unless my life is in danger. I used to call shrinks in crisis, I never call my shrink today, because all he’ll say is…”Sounds like we have a lot to talk about in our next session, see you Tuesday.” And I always cope, but even better, and most importantly, all my decisions are my own. So I can look back at my life and I can never say this shrink told me to do this or that, because he never ever does. And isn’t that the point of therapy, to be able to stand on your own two feet, independently? Not that I believe therapy is a crutch, I believe everybody can benefit. But most people feel going is an expression of being less than, that you should buck up and handle your own problems. Or that your friends can guide you (don’t ever listen to your friends if you’re in a really bad spot). Going to therapy does not mean you’re weak, but that you’re strong! You will learn about yourself and how the world works. And you’ll be able to see your place in the landscape and ultimately behave in a manner that benefits you.

So back to Jonah. It’s a great example of how success does not make you happy. It’s striking. You think if you reach the goal you’ll be happy, but oftentimes this is not the case. Jonah cannot get over the stigma of growing up fat. He’s thin in this movie, but he still sees himself as fat, to this day it’s a burden, a chip on his shoulder. And he’s a public figure and people won’t stop commenting on his appearance, and even when they say he’s thin it doesn’t assuage his anxiety, because the raw subject of his physicality is an ever-present negative element in his consciousness.

But the high point of the movie is when Jonah’s mother comes to therapy. First and foremost, she looks put-together and young, not like the parents of my generation, even though she’s my contemporary. And she’s far from clueless. She’s got self-knowledge and she’s honest and you’ll enjoy what transpires.

But even more you’ll be fascinated by Phil Stutz himself.

Very early in the movie it is revealed he has Parkinson’s.

Okay, but deep in the film they get into it, when Jonah starts asking Phil about his own relationships.

Wow. Turns out Phil’s three year old brother died when he was still in single digits and it affected the family dynamic permanently, and all the hopes and dreams were put on Phil’s shoulders. He was told he needed to be a doctor, that that was the only worthwhile profession. This is Jewish life 101, even though he says his parents were atheists.

But Phil got Parkinson’s at a young age. And he’s never been married and he lives alone.

So what you’ve got here is a therapist who needs a shrink. And they address this, how the shrinks themselves can be just as screwed up as the patients. And contrary to common belief, therapy is not just someone listening to your story and giving advice, there are a set of tools and…yes, many shrinks are screwed up and go to therapy, but see that as a badge of honor, they’re trying to go deeper.

So how does having Parkinson’s at a young age affect your life?

Well, Phil never had children, could he have lifted them, been fully participatory?

As far as being in love… Phil says it happened once. Then he reveals that he’s in a forty year long on and off relationship! And ultimately…

Well, I’ll let you watch the movie.

But this is what makes the movie so intriguing, finding out who Phil Stutz really is.

Also, Phil goes on that he wants to get all his concepts, all his tools, down before he dies. But he also acknowledges that his tools don’t have much traction in the therapeutic community. So what do we have here? The lone pioneer trying to make his life have meaning, to be able to see it as worthwhile, because work is almost the only thing he has?

Wow… Who we are, where we are in the world, legacy…it starts to hit you when you get older. And in truth, if you have children you can see them as your legacy, irrelevant of what you’ve accomplished. But if you’ve put all your effort into work…

Jonah comes off really well. Honest. Not trading on his celebrity, but acknowledging it.

Phil? The more you watch the more you feel sorry for him, wondering if he can ever get out of his own way, how much he’s sacrificed.

The movie is very professionally done. The production values are top-notch. And one can thank Netflix for making it available. A film like “Stutz” would do very little box office, may not have even played on one of the pay channels of yore. And most people are not going to want to watch “Stutz,” but those who do can’t really get this stuff elsewhere. Also, being prominently featured on Netflix’s site, and being continuously available, there can be discussion about the film, virality.

Of course movies, just like albums, even by the biggest artists, can disappear in a day, never to be resuscitated. But “Stutz” has already had an impact on the culture. This is not some superhero flick, you’re never going to forget seeing the film, because it’s visceral, it’s real life.

So should you watch “Stutz”?

Ironically, the people who need to watch it most won’t. Because if you’ve never been to therapy, if you think you’re too healthy for therapy, if you think everything’s copacetic and you’ve got no problems…”Stutz” will open your eyes.

As for those who have gone to a therapist… You’ll definitely be interested, will you be riveted? It’s not that “Stutz” is soft and can be ignored, but does it draw you in enough that you don’t want to shut it off and do something else in this attention-based economy with endless options?

I don’t know. But there’s noise around “Stutz,” and last night I decided to finish it. And this is what I thought.

https://amzn.to/3gXi6Em

I couldn’t wait to tell you about this book until I figured out where it was going. I was so disappointed.

And then…

“Mouth to Mouth” is not a big commitment, it’s only 188 pages long, and the chapters are short. This is a book for everybody, especially those who never read.

I don’t know if you’re following the Sam Bankman-Fried controversy. I’m not talking about the crash itself, but the man, he recently said:

“‘I’m very skeptical of books. I don’t want to say no book is ever worth reading, but I actually do believe something pretty close to that,’ explains SBF. ‘I think, if you wrote a book, you f..ked up, and it should have been a six-paragraph blog post.'”

https://bit.ly/3XY279S

SBF is exactly the kind of guy who should read “Mouth to Mouth.” As for brevity… Explain it to me when people binge streaming TV shows for days. That and the short attention span, another baked-into our culture concept that couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s just that people have no tolerance for mediocre anymore, not even good, when great is readily available at their fingertips. But finding it is harder than ever, ergo the constant surfing of sites. As for conversations… I only wish I could cut off most of them I have. Either someone is not forthcoming about the truth, or they’re boring you silly with something that you’re completely uninterested in. You know, they say it’s important, you’re focused, and as it goes on endlessly you realize this is a minor matter that only affects the speaker, and even they won’t remember it!

But, “Mouth on Mouth” is all about a story.

“He leaned back like someone who was used to being listened to.”

There are power dynamics at play, especially with guys. If you’ve got money, a big title, people will give you time they won’t give to anybody else, even their close friends. They’re afraid of insulting you because…exactly why? They feel that this person will drip opportunities, when almost always this is not the case. However, some people are natural raconteurs, they tell a good story, like the guy in this book.

Jeff’s telling his life story.

And all the hype is that you don’t know where the book is going…until you do.

But it’s not only plot. Just when you think you’re reading a book sans calories, there’s a rumination on working, on power, on success.

“They’ve gotten where they are by applying themselves patiently to a system, they’ve made their way up the ladder by being careful, being diligent, working hard. It’s fine for them, but it’s also sad. Because they think it will eventually lead them to the top.”

I marvel at this, people who drink the kool-aid, not realizing they’re a cog in the machine, and are completely expendable. I read about these people who make it to the top, working for one company… Let me tell you, that’s the exception. If you’re working for the man gain knowledge and go out on your own.

I heard this from an old ski buddy who worked at what was then one of the Big Six accounting firms. The world has shrunk since then, there’s been consolidation, just like in the record business, and the moniker of the firm that employed him still exists, but this guy told me being a CPA is just a launch pad, to be entrepreneurial. He looked down on those that never left the firm.

This is what is said by the big boss in “Mouth to Mouth”:

“‘The way I see it either you’ve got it or you don’t. True for artists, collectors, dealers, everyone.'”

And then he says:

“‘These schmucks out there,’—he pointed toward the hallway—’do not have it. Aren’t about to get it, either. Don’t get me wrong, I love ’em, I mean they keep the lights on around here, but they are the products of a very specific genus of bureaucracy. They’ve gotten where they are by applying themselves patiently to a system, they’ve made their way up the ladder by being careful, being diligent, working hard. It’s fine for them, but it’s also sad. Because they think it will eventually lead them to the top.'”

And then the boss twists the knife: 

“‘but in my view it also represents the American tendency—the human tendency—to turn everything into f..king ladders, to take the wild, untethered world, always a blink away from chaos, with death staring us down, and instead focus on and put faith in a so-called career path, you know, résumé building, that garbage.'” 

And then the piece-de-resistance:

“‘They tell each other to keep the faith. What faith? We do what we want, Jeff, or we’re nothing.'”

Ain’t that America, school programs you to be a subservient worker bee when there’s a ruling class that doesn’t buy all of this hogwash. In my day, these people rarely graduated from college. Those who jumped through the hoops became doctors or lawyers, played it safe.

And it is different now. If for no other reason than you need a college degree to become a receptionist. But for every Mark Zuckerberg who drops out of Harvard and becomes a billionaire, there are many Elizabeth Holmeses, maybe sans the law-breaking, but whose endeavors end up in failure.

But people don’t want to hear all this, it disillusions them.

It comes down to your upbringing. And you don’t need to be rich to have all this drilled into you, oftentimes you just need a parent who was screwed by the system and then decided to go their own way.

But maybe that’s all b.s. Maybe being a nice, moral, human being is the route to happiness. That’s the question the book raises, and despite the words above it’s not absolutely clear which side the author is on, different people could read “Mouth to Mouth” and arrive at completely different conclusions.

Just to lay out a bit more wisdom…

This one stopped me in my tracks. Because I encountered it every day when I still responded to e-mail from unknowns:

“Or was she one of those people who had no capacity for self-awareness, someone so sure of her own success that a no was an affront, if only because it ran counter to what should have been obvious to anyone with a functioning pair of eyes, which was that her work was brilliant?”

People say they want an honest response, a critique of their music. But beware, if you say anything negative, they go BERSERK! Not only do they say they disagree, they start to trash you personally. They bring out the big knives and go for it. I mean you’re great at something, maybe it isn’t music, no matter how hard you’re trying. Sure, history is littered with late term successes who would never give up, but those are the rare exceptions. As Bonnie Raitt told me, she stopped listening to unsolicited cassettes, because she never found a good song. And nobody who ever e-mailed me for a critique, who I responded negatively to, HAS EVER broken through. Oh, I don’t want to get into a definition of success. If they’re happy where they are, fine, I don’t care, but they never are.

And then there are those who are born with a silver spoon in their mouth:

“‘Chloe was one of those people who go after everything they want, without hesitation and without calculating the potential challenges. Because that wasn’t something I did readily, I saw it as a sign of maturity rather than what it was, which was the result of a lifetime of entitlement.'”

My parents always told me what a s..thead I was. How there was always someone better. Yeah, those who believed they were entitled to success and went for it.

And don’t tell me I’m being contradictory here, who cares, that’s the point of the book, to raise the questions.

So what you’ve got here is two guys. Kind of like “My Dinner With Andre,” but in this case only one speaks.

Jeff sits down and starts telling a story, he’s unburdening himself, and the tale is so interesting that the other guy rarely interjects.

How’s it all gonna play out?

Not exactly the way you think it is.

And that’s why you should read “Mouth to Mouth.”

https://amzn.to/3H8fEW8

1

I read John Irving’s “The Last Chairlift.” Reviews were not kind, the main focus was on the extreme length, nearly a thousand pages, but I read everything Irving writes, “Garp” resonated just that much. And the last one, “Avenue of Mysteries,” billed as “magical realism,” which I have no fondness for, was truly disappointing, the reviews were right. So I was trepidatious re “The Last Chairlift,” but how could a skier like me not check out a novel with this title?

It gets better. There was a ton of focus on ski areas. On Bromley, where I cut my teeth, made my bones. Even more shocking was the inclusion of the Loges Peak lift at Aspen Highlands, before it was replaced by a high speed quad, with a safety bar. Yes, there was no safety bar on the original chairlift, and there was a sign at the bottom saying if you were scared of heights not to ride it, and it didn’t make sense until… There was a cluster of towers at the top of a ridge and then…the world dropped out from underneath you. It felt like a thousand feet. Could have been a few hundred, but one thing is for sure, if you rode it you never forget it, and I haven’t, and that was over fifty years ago.

And “The Last Chairlift” cut like butter. It was easy to read, I wanted to read it, even though it took me nearly two weeks to get through. It’s testimony to how great a writer Irving is. The first half is superlative, however the second half is not as good. And the bit with the ghosts felt subtractive as opposed to additive.

And I’d tell you you’re on your own, but I don’t think anybody will read “The Last Chairlift.” Let me correct myself, there are people who will, but I’d like to know how many actually make it to the end, that’s what I was wondering while I was reading it, just after release, was anybody else plowing through to the conclusion? Not that it was work, it’s just that the only thousand page book I can truly recommend is “Anna Karenina.”

And then I started Celeste Ng’s “Our Missing Hearts,” which was a number one best seller. And it was much more difficult to read. It never called out to me. Although half way through the focus switched, the location switched, and you realized exactly what was going on and the theme was interesting, but it made me wonder, this is what people want to read? You’ve got to be wary of the wisdom of the crowd. Take it with a grain of salt. The books people love are oftentimes the ones I don’t. They’re rewritten so many times as to be dense, as if they’re trying to impress a teacher as opposed to delivering a good reading experience.

And then I read “A Very Nice Girl.”

2

I’d never heard of it. But I got on a jog of reading best lists, you know, it’s an end of the year feature, everybody lays out their favorites.

And now a sidebar, you must read the best records list from today’s “New York Times,” YOU MUST!

“Best Albums of 2022”: https://nyti.ms/3Fo5uzu

At first you’ll feel inadequate, not knowing the titles, never mind the acts, and then you’ll continue and your emotion will change, you’ll start to laugh, this is how far we’ve come, that the best albums of the year are ones almost nobody has listened to?

Not completely, but this is hilarious. This is a snapshot of today’s music world. Everybody’s listening to different stuff and the critics are meaningless. Sure, many people have lauded the new Rosalia album, not that many Anglos have heard it, but so many of the rest of these albums… Even better, try listening to them! I’m a big Beth Orton fan, but if you think her new album is one of the best of the year, you must not have heard much, or your taste is off, or you’re just listing her name because what came before is superior.

And believe me, in book lists you see the same thing. Readability is secondary to the writer trying to impress other writers, the cognoscenti. And oftentimes the list is dominated by minorities talking about foreign experiences. (Am I gonna get canceled for that?) And I must say, some of these books are excellent, but most of them the average reader cannot relate to, if for no other reason than they’re work. Forget the content, first and foremost a book must be readable, that’s why John Irving shines.

So I was in the Apple News and I found the “Esquire” best list: https://bit.ly/3OZXtUv And this is the U.K. “Esquire,” a whole different animal from the U.S. version.

And number one was “To Paradise,” by Hanya Yanagihara. I read it, and enjoyed parts of it. But I’d never recommend it. If it weren’t for Yanagihara’s previous work, “A Little Life,” almost no one would have read “To Paradise,” and I’d tell Hanya to keep her day job, which she has, as Editor in Chief of “T Magazine” at the “New York Times.”

And I avoid nonfiction, there’s just not enough truth in it.

And I’m going down the “Esquire” list and I find “A Very Nice Girl” by Imogen Crimp. The blurb intrigued me, and I reserved it at the library, along with another book on the list.

And long after midnight, in truth after 1 a.m. Monday night, I finished Ng’s book, disappointed once again, and although I thought I’d go on TikTok to relax myself, before I did that I decided to check out the two books I’d recently downloaded via Libby.

The first was “A Very Nice Girl.”

I started reading and I couldn’t stop. Was it the late night mood? Was this book truly resonating this much? I had to put it down to go to bed, but I couldn’t wait to get back to it.

3

“because if you sing for your audience—look out at them, try to reach them, to touch them with your song— you’ll never make something real—you must go inside instead, and bring them to you”

It’s a conundrum to be an artist today. Because the commercial pyramid has been destroyed, there are no obvious steps. I hope those unknown acts feel good about being in the “Times,” because it’s not going to engender a lot of listens, people are just too busy, and they only trust a few sources, and when it comes to music it’s not the “New York Times,” more often some unknown person you found online.

So what do you do? You can try to game the system. Work in an anointed genre. Work with proven hitmakers. Promote the hell out of yourself, both in traditional media and online, and try to gain a toehold in the firmament. And if you do, you can do brand extensions, you can make some money, even though most people will never hear your music, but even those who do, WILL THEY CARE?

Most of today’s new music rolls right off you. It takes balls to walk into the wilderness, forge your own path. But these are the people whose works we cotton to. Even though most of them fail. But this is what touches our hearts.

So “A Very Nice Girl” is about an opera singer. I went to the opera numerous times as a kid, but not since it became a thing. And the funny thing is there’s a character who fits the description of the modern operagoer in this book. Who’s got all the money, sponsors singers, goes, but knows nothing about the operas themselves. He wears his involvement, his attendance, as a badge of honor.

And then there’s the guy the opera singer gets involved with.

“Generically clever with no plan, so I did what all generically clever people with no plan do, and I went into finance.”

That’s Max, educated at Oxford, making a boatload of money, but troubled by his empty life.

And then there’s the practical element. Do you want to have a family, do you like nice things, are you really going to make a living as an opera singer?

So I’m going to quote more wisdom below, but that’s not why I’m writing about the book, the wisdom is secondary to the plot, I always read for plot first. Readability and plot, those are the building blocks.

And what you’ve got here is an outsider, Anna, the opera singer, vacillating from feeling in the groove to like she doesn’t fit in and should give up. As for others being able to truly understand and support her… That’s rare. And many who have this support are mediocre, they’re good, but just not good enough.

4

“We can’t sing without life experience—she said.—It’s our bread and butter. It would be like trying to paint without a brush.”

Yes, you can get a prepubescent kid to sing, maybe even have a hit, but there’s no truth there. Even if they write their own material, they just haven’t lived enough. You write from experience, and if you’ve got none, the odds of writing something that connects with other people is de minimis.

“They’re not interested in perfection, these people, although you intend to be perfect. What they want is for you to say something real. Something with meaning. Something that changes how they see and think and feel, even just for a bit.”

This is what most creators don’t know. They tell us they’re working so hard, but they’ve got no idea what art is. The more you go inside, the more you show your warts without trying to impress others, just in your own head, the more people can resonate. This is exactly what we’re looking for. Gimme some truth.

But that’s art. And that’s in the book, but really “A Very Nice Girl” is about relationships.

“He doesn’t come near my inner life.”

That’s what we’re looking for, to be known. This is the bedrock of relationships. When you feel like the other person gets you. Your relationship can look beautiful from the outside, but inside it can be hollow.

So Anna, the destitute opera singer, is involved with Max, the banker, who keeps her at a distance, even though sometimes he wants to be so close.

And Anna desires the connection, the closeness, the feeling you can only get from love. And in trying to get that, is she losing herself?

“He’d never stopped me from doing anything. He didn’t even ask me not to. It was just this feeling I had sometimes. Something in the way he looked at me. This feeling that I wasn’t quite right.”

Self-censorship. You want to fit in, you want them to love you, you’re wary of doing anything that will push them away, so you stop doing and saying so much. You’re torturing yourself, even if the other person is giving no specific instructions.

“I’d forgotten his stillness. How he makes me aware of every unnecessary movement I make.”

Anna tries to fill the holes, but then she gives up.

“I started telling him about the audition, but it sounded trivial, and I didn’t know how to tell it, how to get his sympathy and still sound good.”

This happens to me all the time, I listen to someone’s long, oftentimes boring, usually about nothing significant story, and when it comes to me, assuming they even give me room, even ask, what I have to say seems unimportant, I rush through it if I tell it at all. I’m looking to be known, and if not I usually don’t want to risk, it’s too depressing, laying out your identity, your heart, and them checking their phone, getting fidgety, getting up…I just stop. 

And there’s not only truth about relationships, there are observations of the outside world. One that stuck out was the description of what Tom Wolfe called a “social x-ray.”

“One of those women wealth would always preserve, like a lemon pickled in a jar. Her aging was shameful and secret, something that happened underneath her clothes, behind her skin.”

Not only is it a crime to get old, it’s a crime to reveal weakness or faults. The older they get the skinnier these women become, trying to achieve an ideal that only impresses their brethren, those who feel the same and the men who employ them as arm candy.

And there’s even commentary about modern life, social media hate, even though social media is not the context.

“We remember everything other people say about us, I think. Wear a skin made of all those words, so that when we look at ourselves in the mirror, that’s what we see.”

It’s hard to hold it together. Even worse, the success comes from not conforming, from reaching for the brass ring, and if you do succeed.

“Is this it?—I’d think.—Is this what it takes? Success. To be completely alone. No one’s voice in my head but my own.”

5

So there’s a transition in this book. You get inklings, but you’re not sure it’s coming and then you know it is and you wonder what the consequences will be. Because you know, the focus groups insist you have a happy ending, to make people feel good.

But not everybody triumphs. It doesn’t work out for everybody. But we rarely hear about them, only the winners.

So what is important in life? Relationships or careers?

And trying to achieve greatness comes at a cost.

“The weeks at home, I’d experienced none of the excitement, the joy that came with singing, but none of the lows either. Maybe it would be better to live a life that was muted, where experience operated within more limited parameters.”

Woulda coulda shoulda, it’s the human mantra. Oh, I could have been a rock star, but I chose not to. I could have been a doctor, but my father needed help in his business. They’ve all got excuses for why they never achieved their dreams. The essence is left out, that it requires a ton of work and sacrifice and there is no safety net, you still might not make it.

6

So here’s where I delineate the caveats.

Most guys like nonfiction, they don’t want to reveal their feelings, a book like this is too much for them, they want something that will help them in business. Ironically, “A Very Nice Girl” will give them more help than the business tomes, because it contains universal truth, whereas those business books show how someone completely unlike you triumphed, you’ve got to find your own way.

But there are guys who like to read about feelings, just like there are guys who like to listen to Joni Mitchell.

And, there’s a middle section, well the second quarter, that is just not riveting, when Anna goes back home.

But then, when she comes back to London…

Last night I couldn’t put the book down. I stayed up until 2:30 finishing it.

And it was weirding me out, I was enveloped in its world. I tried to play mind games, removing myself, saying it was just a book, but there was too much truth involved, I was worried about the characters, their choices. Real choices, that we all have to make.

So what I’m saying here is you’re on your own. “A Very Nice Girl” does not read as easily as “The Last Chairlift,” but it’s much easier and more rewarding than “Our Missing Hearts.”

7

So I could criticize “A Very Nice Girl.” The parents were two-dimensional. I throw that in because nothing is perfect, to criticize is oftentimes to avoid the essence. You overlook imperfection. We want someone who tries, who lays down their unique truth. History is riddled with women who got plastic surgery to look just like everybody else, eliminating their supposed flaws, and then their careers are negatively impacted, good examples being Jennifer Grey and Leeza Gibbons. You’ve got to own yourself, but it’s so hard to do.

8

It just felt so real. I wouldn’t make the same decisions, but I also wouldn’t take the same risks, and has this risk aversion hurt me in my journey?

God, I hate that word “journey.” All that pop/psych speak uttered by those who get their wisdom from social media and self-help books. And justify their lives by saying they’re on a journey.

That’s not the journey I’m talking about. To go on a journey means to leave home, to encounter new situations, be uncomfortable, take risk in achieving your goals. Most people don’t go on that journey.

But Anna does. Because she wants the Holy Grail. Sure, money is important, but is it important to YOU? Do you want to live a safe life doing a boring job, sacrificing your dreams?

And speaking of safe, the director in the book spontaneously utters some wisdom, and says his students can use it.

I’m gonna use it here, because it delivers the truth too often missing from today’s creative works, which are usually more business than art.

“Anyway, any art that feels safe isn’t worth creating.”

That’s true. That’s a lesson you’ll learn in “A Very Nice Girl.”

9

“A Very Nice Girl” was the book I’ve been searching for. After wading through the mediocre. The mediocre does not deserve amplification, there’s no reason to inform you of it.

But I must tell you about “A Very Nice Girl,” because I just can’t get it out of my mind, it affected me just that much, I’ve got mood hangover from last night. I’m pissed it’s over. Finding something this good in the future will be difficult.

But that’s what I depend on you for. To either be the artist or to recommend artists.

And there are very few out there. Very few.

But they are what make the world go ’round.

Because without art, life just isn’t worth living. We want to see ourselves reflected back to us, we want to learn about the human condition, we want to feel like we’re not alone.

I did not feel alone reading “A Very Nice Girl.” I felt seen, I was no longer a party of one, there were other people on my wavelength. And without connection…

You’ve got nothing.

Tune in tomorrow, Saturday December 3rd, to Faction Talk, channel 103, at 4 PM East, 1 PM West.

Phone #: 844-686-5863

Twitter: @lefsetz

If you miss the episode, you can hear it on demand on the SiriusXM app. Search: Lefsetz