https://t.ly/zpquh

I’m trying to figure out where I found this book.

I always start my research on Amazon, because if reviews are good, they print them, and if there are no reviews by notable publications…

That’s usually a bad sign.

But I went to Amazon and found none of those famous reviews. Which flummoxed me. Why did I reserve “The Divorce” at the library?

I mostly use three sources to find new books: “The New York Times,” Ron Charles’s weekly newsletter from “The Washington Post,” and the recommendations in the magazine “The Week” (which is uber-expensive, but I highly recommend, it’s the “Time”/”Newsweek” of yore you’re looking for, the previous week’s news, in this case with no political slant).

So I turn to Google and I find that the “Times” did review “The Divorce,” and trashed it.

Hmm…

So I’d started reading “The Divorce” and stopped. Which is rare. Usually I quit right away or power through. I skipped to a book called “Entitlement,” and one of the reasons I’m writing about both of these books is they create a mood, a world. The internet is all about in-your-face, as is much popular music these days. “Entitlement” is about a young thirtysomething who leaves teaching and starts working for the foundation of a billionaire. I guess that’s something we talk about today, but this guy didn’t make his money in tech. And the elder gentleman becomes enamored of his young hire and…

The young hire becomes enamored of the philosophy he espouses. Which is basically the world is your oyster, and you’ve got to go for it, you’re entitled, just reach out and grab it.

So, at first you think it’s almost a self-help book, and at some points you question the judgment of the main character, the young woman, but should you be happy with your status in life or are you too entitled to have a life of riches? And what rules are you willing to bend to get there?

At times ” Entitlement” is riveting, but just when you’re hooked, it gets a bit boring.

“The Divorce” doesn’t exactly start out boring, but rather pedestrian, and then…

I wasn’t going to go back to “The Divorce” but it was the emotion Felice conveyed when she was done. I don’t remember the exact words, but they were along the line of being heavy, weighty, sitting with you, and weird…in that everything just doesn’t work out as planned, that you’ve got to sit with your emotions, something seemingly all human beings wish to avoid.

So, “The Divorce” is set in Sweden. It’s translated from the Swedish, and I can’t say the translator did such a great job. It’s a bit simple, it’s a bit herky-jerky. Not hard to read, but seemingly surface.

And then there are the Swedish names. They’re ultimately off-putting. U.S. locations could have been employed and nothing would have been lost.

But when the book flips, 119 pages in… From there on you cannot put it down. Not that it’s a tome, “The Divorce” is 335 pages long. It’s easily read, but should you read it?

Probably not if you’re a young person. You have to have experienced a few rodeos to get it, been around the block, had at least one long live-in relationship, never mind marriage.

Yes, the book is focused on a divorce. What stimulates it?

Well, the main character Niklas is a doctor. Living in the States we see all MD’s as wealthy. But Niklas is not. Sure, his family is living well, but also beyond their means. Don’t get the wrong idea, they’re not flying private, they have only one automobile, a Volvo, they’re living like upper middle class professionals.

Which Niklas is but Bea is not. She gave up her education and is now working for the Red Cross as a web developer.

So Niklas feels the financial pressure, but what are they supposed to do?

So are you locked into your life and not exactly happy about it?

I hear from these people all the time, I encountered them at my college reunion. They lived by seventies values, they became doctors and lawyers and they’d like a do-over, something more fulfilling, but you don’t get that option.

It’s even worse for today’s generation. Because if you don’t graduate from college and take the professional track…good luck making ends meet. Sure, you could become a star in music, but very few get to do that. And influencers? It’s very hard to have a sustained career.

So what does it take you to jump the track. Are you capable of jumping the track?

And what carnage will you leave behind.

It could be as simple as disappointing your parents. They’ve invested in you, they have an idea of you, but really you’re someone different.

But if you have a family, responsibilities…

Who’s going to pay the bills if you switch careers?

And there’s fallout from breakups. Financial. Filial…

I remember the first of my parents’ friends who got divorced. It may be hard to believe, but in the sixties, in the suburbs, divorce was uncommon. It was only at the end of that decade and then in the seventies, that divorce became de rigueur.

And maybe that’s just the point. No one ever talks about the fallout of a divorce. Sure, they talk about the low-hanging fruit, but what about the everyday adjustments? Do you have to move to a worse neighborhood, can you afford what you used to, are your friends still your friends or..?

So that couple got divorced. It was scandalous. And my parents and others took the side of the wife, after all the husband left her. But after ultimately relenting and meeting with the husband and his new paramour, they realized he was the energy, he was their friend, and the wife…she was boring.

I don’t remember encountering the wife ever again.

Judge all you want, this is reality.

So you break up…

In California, you have all these people who are friends with their exes. I can’t understand that, whether I left or they did. Let’s see, you shared a bed, knew everything about each other and now it’s a casual relationship, intermittent with a bit of distance? Unfathomable to me.

Now if you live in a small community, you might have to worry about running into your ex. Hell, even in a large city. It’s amazing how that works, at a gig, in the grocery store, you’ll run into them, kinda like Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne.”

Most people end up splitting not only the money and the real estate, but the friends and certainly the relatives. I’ve got a friend whose live-in girlfriend worked for his father. When they broke up she continued to come by his parents’ house, he’d run into her there. He told his parents she could still work for them, but she could no longer come to the house. Sounds harsh only if you’ve never experienced a deep breakup.

So…

“The Divorce” is going to ring certain bells in your head. Of your life. You’re reading about the characters yet somehow your brain is stimulated, thinking about all these episodes from the past.

“The Divorce” is not the kind of book you discuss with others, it’s not a book group choice. It’s personal. Sure, there’s story, but the underlying emotions are what’s key.

Let me get this down straight. I’m not telling everybody to read “The Divorce.” But if there’s something in the foregoing that resonates, check it out. That’s what I do with the reviews in the publications mentioned above. I don’t read every word, just a few, and I get a vibe.

Have you ever hurt? Have you ever wondered how you ended up where you are? That’s what “The Divorce” explores.

And it wasn’t until the very end that I discovered the author, Moa Herngren, was the cocreator and writer of “Bonus Family,” one of my favorite streaming series ever. I’ve written about it twice:

“Bonus Family”: https://t.ly/C448X

“Bonus Family Season 4”: https://t.ly/c4o5b

Ultimately “Bonus Family” falters in the end, with the birth of the Down syndrome baby, and the film addendum is superfluous, but before that…

In Sweden a blended family is a bonus family. Same concept, different term. In other words, you get divorced and remarried and suddenly you’ve got all the kids.

Anyway, seemingly every person I’ve spoken to about “Bonus Family” couldn’t finish it, could barely even get past the beginning, because they found it too painful.

Let’s be clear, “Bonus Family” is not super-heavy, it’s got a lot of light moments, comedy, but people who’ve been divorced who have kids, no matter how long ago it was, the wound is still too fresh. They do their best to repress thoughts about their choices, the aftermath, the effect upon the children, never mind themselves.

But “Bonus Family” is one of my favorite streaming series period. And I don’t have any kids. But maybe that’s why.

However, if you have been divorced, especially with kids, you’ll find “The Divorce” somewhat soothing, because it’s good to know other people have gone through what you have, have thought the same thoughts, felt the same way.

So…

The studios don’t make movies like this anymore.

Then again, they were never blockbusters. They’d return their low budgets and hopefully some profits, but they wouldn’t set the world on fire, but they might stay in your heart forever.

I’m not talking about AIP or New World. Those indies specialized in something grittier, edgier, delivering what the studios were afraid to, or pooh-poohed. Whereas “My Old Ass” tests no limits, contains no titillation, other than the basic concept, it’s wholly believable.

Yes, young Elliott converses with old Elliott as a result of taking mushrooms. And old Elliott is played by Aubrey Plaza, who has become one of our biggest movie stars, not by looks, by appearances in TMZ, but by sheer personality and acting chops. I’m sure you’ve seen some of Aubrey’s appearances on late night TV. If not, you’re in for a treat. She’s sly, she’s funny, she evidences intelligence, this is a movie star.

Not that Aubrey/Elliott has that much screen time, although her voice is heard throughout the picture.

Which is just shy of an hour and a half long. Quite a change in an era where every director considers themselves an auteur, needing hours to sell their message, if there really is one at all.

And there is a message in “My Old Ass.” And it’s kind of trite. And it’s not really revealed until the end. But ultimately you’re satisfied.

Bottom line, ignorance is for the youth. When you know little you take chances, you don’t worry about consequences, you’re all in, whereas when you get older and have experienced the let-downs and disappointments in life you become gun-shy. Knowing too much works to your disadvantage.

Oh, there’s one extra twist. Which makes the message less pedestrian. Let’s just say the experiences you have earlier in your life, the meaning they had for you, the private emotions… They never leave.

So “My Old Ass” got good reviews, but if you think this pic is going to draw people to the theatre, you’ll be disappointed to find out that it has only grossed $5.4 million domestically, and only $0.3 million in the rest of the world, not even half of what Amazon paid for the flick at Sundance, $15 million.

But today the action is all in streaming television. And I prefer series, because of the depth, but “My Old Ass” works as a movie, because it’s more about vibe than story, which is what a film usually conveys better than a multi-episodic production.

So it’s set in the lake country of Canada, where I’ve never been but so many of my Canadian friends retreat in the summer. Not that different from New England lake country, but I haven’t been there recently either.

It’s the middle of nowhere, and in less than a month, young Elliott, played so naturally by fresh-faced Maisy Stella, will decamp for Toronto, for the U of T.

She’s itching to leave, but knows she can always return.

Or is that not the way life works. What you think is still available…is it ultimately gone?

And she’s young and brassy and confident but then she encounters old Elliott, Aubrey Plaza, who is not as excited at the age of 39 and young Elliott is confused, but ultimately decides to take Aubrey/Elliott’s counsel.

So…

Nothing could be more different from what we’ve been concerned with in the world this past week. Sure, there are smartphones, but no politics, and no judgment of the internet.

But there are questions of friendship and sexuality and…

I saw that “My Old Ass” had finally made it to Prime, sooner than usual after debuting in the theatre, while I still remembered the reviews, which were good. And I turned it on…

And didn’t want to turn it off.

And in this world of so many choices, that is rare.

It’s billed as sci-fi, but if you’re thinking of lasers and futuristic landscapes, don’t bother. Would I say it’s a chick flick? Not exactly. It’s not gooey, although there is passion, and it’s very realistic.

This is the life we all live, which we don’t see in the news. This is the soul fulfillment we’re looking for.

I don’t want to overhype it. “My Old Ass” is not deserving of an Oscar (although more people will see it than many films that do win Academy Awards), but it hits a note. Not nostalgia. It’s not pulling at your heartstrings. It somehow encapsulates regular life, which we’re living 24/7, and that’s why it resonated with me.

“Turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes”

“Changes”

David Bowie

The Beatles were dismissed as teenage tripe until “Yesterday” and “Michelle,” the backwards vocals of “Rain” and “Sgt. Pepper,” and the adoption of the act by Leonard Bernstein and others in the pantheon of artists respected by establishment.

The Beatles wiped out everything that came before except the Beach Boys and the Four Seasons, they ushered in a new era of innovation, the world was music crazy.

Just like with the internet.

And the internet is the devil to the establishment. In these days, the east coast elites who control media.

Social media must be stopped. It’s ruining our children. Look at that kid who killed himself over a chatbot. All chatbots must die!

Kinda like in the old days when just a few disgruntled viewers would call into a station and a TV program would be cancelled. The minority would whipsaw the majority.

But the Beatles were so successful they ushered in a golden era of music, at least commercially, that was only threatened at the turn of the century by Napster. The CD is forever! Even though you can now listen to better than CD quality on numerous streaming services, including mainstay Apple.

Someone asked me how the Democratic party could turn it all around.

I said it would happen when the baby boomers died. And maybe some of the Gen-X’ers too.

Same deal with the music industry. Old people who think they know better doing their best to keep in place an old model that is no longer serving the populace.

That is the story of the year in recorded music. The consolidated major labels have lost control over new music, which is now the land of indies, many making stuff that is anything but Top 40/Spotify Top 50 friendly.

Not that MAGA isn’t a complete load of crap. Things weren’t that good in the old days, and the past has never returned in my lifetime. Sure, there’s some nostalgia, like with vinyl records, but if you lived through that era you think digital music is the best thing that ever happened! The records don’t skip, they don’t have any surface noise, you don’t have to lift the needle at the end of the record, never mind drop it to begin with, and the digital file sounds just as good the thousandth time through unlike the vinyl.

Ah, but people yearn for the old days.

But youngsters are not constrained by them.

Youngsters were on Facebook until better products were released and they abandoned the service to oldsters, who came lately. The youngsters will abandon a platform for a newer, more enticing one on a regular basis. And every time this happens the oldsters are confounded, say they’re not moving from Facebook, if they’re on it at all, and it’s all right to share vacation photos, but we must set limits.

Humans live to connect. It’s in our DNA. And the oldsters want to deny this? Imagine being able to contact each and every person you ever encountered when you grew up, what a dream! The girl you knew at camp, you could message her instantly, even see each other via Facetime. But oh, the art of letter writing is gone, this isn’t good, please bring back the letters.

And we knew who the stars were. The ones built by the system. If you didn’t play by the rules, you couldn’t get distribution, and sans distribution you couldn’t play at all. There was a filter, of gatekeepers, and now that filter is gone.

Even worse, the biases and allegiances of the gatekeepers have been exposed. And the celebrities themselves have been in many cases revealed to be moneygrubbing nitwits. So…

The public used the new platforms to build their own empires, and the oldsters don’t like it.

If you were on X, you could see the power of Elon his bros. But most people pontificating on the left were not on X, so how would they know? And TikTok is a pariah. Can you believe it, people are getting their news from TikTok! But how would you know what that really means if you’ve never been on TikTok?

The emperor has been revealed to have no clothes. And let’s be clear, I’m speaking of the emperor on the left. Which told us ad infinitum that it knew better, was educated and could see the landscape and was to be trusted, when just the opposite was true.

News is big business. There are highly paid executives. It’s a product.

But you can produce a podcast in a basement, for almost no dough. How can that be real? How can a record made by nobody in their bedroom be real?

Well, sans filter it’s a lot more genuine.

Have you ever been interviewed for the news? Oftentimes the person you’re speaking with has no underlying knowledge of the subject. They’ve got prepared questions, your answers are brief, and that’s the way it’s always been done. But Joe Rogan says he doesn’t know much and lets you talk forever. And if you talk long enough, we can see who you are. Don’t you see why this is appealing?

Who is Joe Rogan responsible to? Even Neil Young couldn’t shut him down.

I’m not endorsing Rogan, but I can see how he’s successful.

Let’s be clear, he’s paid his dues, it’s not like he came from nowhere. He was a comic, a TV personality and then was lucky enough to be hooked up with the UFC and voila! Excoriate him all you want, but in truth he’s a product of the old system who jumped into the new.

And people are always looking for the new.

The idea of new in TV news is to change the set. In today’s world it’s less about the penumbra than the nougat, the essence of what you’re selling. You might have a pretty face, but to sustain attention, there must be something there.

One of the most revered podcasters is Sam Harris, a philosopher, with a slow delivery. He evidences thinking, he can question his beliefs, you don’t see this on TV news. As Scott Galloway recently put it:

“People listen to pods to learn; they watch cable TV to sanctify what they already believe.”

I turned on MSNBC two days after the election and it was the same as it ever was. The faults of the right, no reconsideration, like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, us vs. them. I turned it off, I don’t have time for that.

If you’re excoriating the youth and social media, the internet in general, the joke is on you.

The smartphone is the greatest device ever invented by man. Better than the wheel. The smartphone can take you anywhere, instantly. Awaken you to new worlds. Keep you in touch with everybody and everything.

Anybody who has spent a lot of time using one knows this.

But we have articles in the “New York Times” about smartphone fasts, turning the device off for a day or a week or a month… And others telling you not to upgrade, and still others saying people are still keeping their flip phones. This is like oldsters in the sixties demanding radio bring back Perry Como!

And so many are unaware of the power of these devices. Sure, you can do your e-mail, text, but if you’ve got an iPhone 16 Pro and that’s all you’re doing, you’re a person more concerned about image than what’s inside. Dig deep. Get into reddit. Buy Apple News+. Oh, that’s another thing, oldsters won’t pop for subscriptions, for online costs like youngsters. You’re buying air, something not real, and therefore they’re out. Meanwhile, the less you spend the less you know. Not everything is free, contrary to conventional wisdom, especially news.

What this election has revealed is that those telling us they knew what was going on have absolutely no clue.

Starting with Biden. Who couldn’t read the landscape. Yeah, we want a President in his eighties, who is already slowing down. If he just went online, he’d be aware of all the negative feedback, he might have reconsidered his position to run. If you’re not checking in with what people are saying about you, then you don’t know what kind of impact you’re having. Sure, a lot of the hate should be ignored, but there’s a lot to learn by being exposed to it.

And the Democratic party told us the instant anointment of Harris would yield no negative effects. Well, the internet is all about transparency. Never mind that when she actually ran, her goal was to say little or utter word salad.

Even worse, if you say any of the above, you’re seen as a hater. The left has become as bad as the right.

So let me get this straight, I must agree with everybody on everything. I must love Taylor Swift, BTS, I have to subjugate my identity to be a member of the group. This is what the youngsters rebelled against in the sixties, which is why that decade resulted in so much revolutionary change.

I don’t want to paint the right as angels. But at least they understand where we’re at better than the left.

I know I’m shocked that my grocery prices are high. I went to Langer’s for a #19 and it was $23.95. For a pastrami sandwich? How can that BE?

But you keep telling me the economy is great.

Sure, tell me every nation had inflation, and Biden did a good job of addressing it, but don’t tell me everything’s hunky-dory and we should just have more of the same.

These are basics. Even abortion is secondary to food on the table.

But the Democrats couldn’t see this, not at all.

And the worst thing about the Democrats is since they’re educated, the products of the good life, they believe they’re right, they can’t question their beliefs whatsoever. They’ve spent their entire life building to this perch, they don’t want to sacrifice an iota, don’t want to lose a step, they just want to stonewall. Sound like Trump? IT DOES!

Oh, I could list all the heinous Trump policies. And I didn’t vote for him. But I never believed in Kamala Harris. I thought she was smart, but did I really think she was experienced and could do the job? And don’t tell me about Obama, he was inexperienced and it showed. Enough of the coronation. Obama appeased the right to his and our detriment. Give Biden credit for ignoring the blowback and doing what was right.

Yes, Biden was very right before he got it wrong.

If this was sports they would have pulled him from the field long ago. Lose your skills and you’re gone, whether you’re Magic Johnson or Joe Namath or anybody. Becomes a time when you can’t do it anymore. Doesn’t mean you weren’t great before.

Enough with the resistance. Enough of being down in the dumps. This is the time for a giant reset.

Sure, trans people need to be protected. Sure, we should protect the rights of minorities. But when these are considered our major issues, most of the public says where’s that at, if you want me I’ll be in the bar.

It’s scary. Because right now there’s no one to believe in. Not in the mainstream or the blogosphere or social media or in podcasting. You pick and choose, you literally do your own research. Ain’t that a laugh. We should have trusted sources. We thought we had them. This week taught us we did not.

What we’ve got here is an A level production of a B level story, but there is a sex scene that is so realistic that I can’t stop thinking about it.

The problem with Apple TV+ is they hype these series, there’s press when they start, but then they drip out the episodes one per week. Such that there’s little incentive to start watching them and ultimately limited buzz.

Yes, I’m going to stand on this petard. It’s one thing if it’s an out of the box smash, like “Ted Lasso.” But the rest of these shows…they come out and you rarely hear anything thing about them, and a number are worth watching.

Like “Silo.” Not the best show on the flat screen, but definitely interesting. Not a single person ever e-mailed me about the first season, NOT ONE! Yes, someone recently e-mailed me about the coming second season, but… Apple is not HBO, there’s no built-in buzz to the service. How do they get people excited about it? By finding something that delivers heat, and that’s not always the best show out there. People need something to watch. Everybody’s foraging in the wilderness for entertainment. And if you can’t binge it, if you can’t complete it on your own schedule, many people don’t even start. But you’ve got the boomers who control media nostalgic for an old paradigm who convince these streamers to do it the way they did it years ago, in this case to Apple’s detriment.

So you’ve got Cate Blanchett, a great actress. And Kevin Kline, who blends into the character so well that you’re constantly asking yourself if it’s really him. However Sacha Baron Cohen… It’s great to see him in a straight role, but he doesn’t ring completely true. Is this because we’re used to seeing him in comedy or he misses the mark… I’d have to ask someone who’s never seen him in anything previously to render the ultimate judgment.

So what we’ve got here is a genre piece. The problem is these formulas are so well worn that it’s hard to create something new, or there’s a twist that’s unforeseen that renders everything you believed before unreasonable and…

“Disclaimer” is just like that. If “Disclaimer” had been a story about maturing adults coping with life and their disaffected son, without the underpinnings of this suspense/crime drama, it would have been more interesting. But that’s hard to create out of thin air.

So the cinematography is exquisite. And I forgot to mention Lesley Manville, who is always great, as Jonathan’s mother. And the story begins with Catherine/Blanchett receiving an award for her efforts as a documentarian and Jonathan and Sasha’s trip in Italy and…

Then the whole thing goes haywire.

Now this is the kind of story where you re-evaluate everything based on the ultimate reveal, what was really going on, but at this point you’re just enjoying the scenery.

And then…

Well, I’ll make it simple, even if you haven’t watched, Jonathan dies, what happened?

And what exactly happened between Catherine and Jonathan, after all there are all those racy photos of her in her lingerie on the bed.

And Sacha/Robert feels inadequate, in that Catherine was more sexually experienced than he was when they got together and…

One of the other problems with the series is that young Catherine is played by Leila George, not exactly a sexpot, but definitely sporting model looks, and Blanchett? She’s not as good-looking.

Now this wouldn’t matter if Blanchett played the role solely by herself, she’s plenty good-looking, but Leila George turns heads. So there’s cognitive dissonance.

But there’s a moment between Catherine and Jonathan in the bedroom…

Most sex scenes in movies are over the top. Moaning and groaning. Gorgeous people putting on a show that you can watch but not relate to. But what Leila/Catherine asks for, and how Jonathan is turned on, what she tells him to do… I could relate to this, I’ve been there, it feels real.

But, once again, the series ultimately does not.

You know a twist is coming. It’s obvious. Something’s got to turn. But in order to be truly satiating, the screw needs to turn one more time. Is Catherine innocent or is she really the bad girl Kline and Manville believe her to be? Is she manipulative, trading on young Catherine’s beauty and wiles, or…

“Disclaimer” is not “Gone Girl.” Which is a mediocre movie but a shock of a book. Which is why it became such a big seller, part of the public consciousness. Word spread, you felt you had to read it, and then there came a point in the book where your mind was blown and you could not put it down.

Then again, Apple is trying to create product on a much higher level than most outlets. But acting and images cannot trump story. Story shot poorly can still be great, but when it’s the reverse…

So you’re on your own with “Disclaimer.” I was going to recommend it until I watched last night’s final episode, finally available. Sans that anticipated final twist, something to blow my mind, I was disappointed. So she’s a good girl after all?

Here’s hoping she’s not, because not every movie heroine is.

And that’s what makes it interesting. That’s what keeps you jumping. Because not everybody is upfront and honest. You don’t necessarily get what you see. Which makes life mysterious. A game you want to play that requires you to beware. “Disclaimer” gets close, but ultimately punts.

As for what causes breakups in relationships… Real relationships, not movie relationships, take a whole hell of a lot to break.

And why did Catherine not tell her truth earlier?

Frustrating.