1. Britney’s toast.

I don’t care if YOU think the songs sucks, or she can no longer dance, or is too fat, point is EVERYBODY ELSE FEELS THIS WAY!

We live in a land of perception. Belief is Britney’s lost her way. This was just reinforced by the train-wreck performance Sunday night. No one’s going to run to her rescue except for those with a financial interest. She’s gonna be DIXIE-CHICKED!

Radio won’t play her music, TV will want nothing to do with her, unless she comes on and demonstrates bad behavior or makes fun of herself. And she’s not about to do the former, and probably not the latter either.

It was an ill-advised attempt at a comeback. Someone should have said no. It’s not about having product in the marketplace during the fourth quarter, it’s about saving the life of someone who grew up too fast and saw too much too soon. To prevent her from O.D.’ing or robbing 7-11s. But the machine doesn’t give a shit. Nobody from her manager to her label to MTV itself. They just want to get paid. If Britney falters, who gives a shit. Let’s try to wring some cash out of her while we can.

As for a real comeback… HUH? She didn’t write the tunes, she doesn’t sing well… She’s got very little talent! Only the talented can come back. Everybody else is just being given a shot by an endless corporate machine looking for bucks.

Furthermore, didn’t we learn appearances like this were supposed to be a SURPRISE?

2. MTV no longer knows the show it’s doing.

Highlight of the VMAs was the appearance of Miss South Carolina. Forget the Web features, forget the suite appearances, she was the only HIP feature in the whole damn show. This was a wink at the audience, illustrating just this once that MTV was on the same page they were. THESE are the moments we remember from VMAs past, THIS is why we tune in. To see Pee Wee Herman open the show. To see RuPaul battle Milton Berle.

Oh, don’t trumpet the ratings increase to me. We were watching for the train-wreck. We weren’t laughing WITH MTV, but AT IT! It’s like MTV itself is some TMZ-featured dimwit, who isn’t aware that most people hate them, and are only interested in their antics.

Where else could you get people only in it for the money too out of it to know that they look like jerks? One watched the VMAs and THANKED GOD THEY WERE NOT ONE OF THE STARS!

3. Clive Davis only has so much power.

Because if he really ruled, he wouldn’t have let Alicia Keys wear that OUTFIT!

We’ve all seen the pictures of the hair on her chest online. But, that’s now been eclipsed by the knowledge that she’s got thunder thighs and a big butt! Didn’t she ever read a women’s magazine? Learn how to flatter her assets and hide her detriments?

I bet you no one in her camp had the balls to tell her she looked bad. That’s the entertainment business for you. Land of dictators and sycophants. Sometimes, with the roles played by the same PEOPLE!

As for Ms. Keys herself. ENOUGH WITH THE HYPE! She’s not without talent, but she’s no Minnie Riperton and no Laura Nyro. And she ain’t that young anymore. Oh, it was interesting when she was barely an adult, but we don’t give a shit about Kenny Wayne Shepherd now that HE’S grown up.

But even though Clive couldn’t tell her what to wear, he got her the best presentation on the show. That’s what Clive does best, presentation.

4. Chris Brown

I don’t get it. You imitate Michael Jackson and you’re a hero?

Who gives a shit that you can dance. And last time I checked, you couldn’t HEAR dancing!

5. Dr. Dre

Are you running for Governor? Then why the fuck are you so PUMPED UP?

That was part of your appeal Dre, that you were a regular guy, not a ready for prime time cartoon.

6. Hype

If you take away NOTHING else from the VMAs, remember this. DO NOT DO ENDORSEMENTS! You have to make it on your music. Tie in with the man and you lose your believability. If you need a commercial to make it, then you’re just not that good. Certainly not that credible. The endless whoring out demonstrated on this show illustrated why the business is in the shitter. No one believes in MTV or VH1 or "Spider-Man". But they can believe in the words and music that come from one’s heart. But they’ve got to be honest, they’ve got to be undiluted, they’ve got to be UNCOMPROMISED!

Anybody telling you the opposite is taking a cut of the deal.

The label wants to sell records. The agent wants his 10%. The manager is sick of starving. But when you’re done, all your credibility drained, they’ll just find a new sucker to milk.

We need all new people in the business. Beholden to art as opposed to their BMW leases. Ones who will sacrifice dinner for music, JUST LIKE THE FANS!

7. TV Kills Acts

Did you watch the pre-game? Every act that talked to Sway (and what was he keeping under that hat anyway, a sandwich?) looked as ordinary as you and me. But, with too tight jeans and tattoos and piercings that will haunt them their whole lives. Which they won’t spend playing music, since they’re flavor of the moment at best. Not even George Clooney can appear on TV and save his charisma. What are the odds you, who barely speak coherently anyway, CAN?

A good manager knows it’s about illusion. Even if you’ve GOT talent. Be SCARCE, not AVAILABLE! Let people create an image of you in their mind. All those porno babes you jerk off to online? You wouldn’t want to fuck them if you actually heard their uneducated trashy voices. Same deal with musicians. They should sing, that is it. Preferably in recordings and live in concert.

8. Lip-Synching

When did this become acceptable? You know it’s not music because nobody sings and plays. And those that do..? Did you hear ANY music from the suites that entranced you? It was like being at a corner bar, hearing wannabes.

9. Kanye

He might have had a good time bouncing around the suite in his white-rimmed glasses, but to those of us at home, it looked like a bad house party. Where was the real act? The one that knew how to sing, that would knock our socks off? It reminded me of nothing so much as that old rap hit about jumping around.

10. Fall Out Boy

The guy in the hat? Isn’t he the chubby kid who lives next door?

If this is a rock star, no wonder we’re in trouble.

As for Pete Wentz… Get rid of the haircut and remove the tattoos and he’s that weird kid in fifth grade that no one wants anything to do with.

This is a royal scam.

11. Foo Fighters

Second-rate rock by a likable guy. If this is your idea of a hit act, you’ve got no idea what a hit act is. A hit act makes original music that you couldn’t even think of that you want to hear over and over again. Smiling Dave just paints by numbers.

12. Paris Hilton

Jumped the shark.

13. Justin Timberlake

I’ll credit Rob Sheffield for this one. He demonstrated how OLD he is by challenging MTV to play more videos. Isn’t that like asking Microsoft to revert to DOS? Or all major league pitchers to go the distance? Times have CHANGED dork, and now you’ve demonstrated you’ve lost touch, you’re officially old. Certainly older than the MTV target demo.

14. Heidi and Lauren

Bigger stars than the "musicians". At least people WATCH their show.

And despite MTV protesting it’s refocusing on music, this was not in evidence in the coming attractions. Just endless reality shows. Now having to do with beauty pageants and prom. What next? Summer camp dating? Spin the bottle? Why don’t they just make it "Fast Times" all the time. Just put cameras in high schools and let them ROLL!

15. Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner

You had to hype your movie. Oh, good for you. You’re the studio’s lackeys. Beholden to fat cats who know nothing about art. How about a VMAs with NO hype? Wasn’t the turning point when Macy Gray painted her dress with her album drop date? After that, not only did Macy’s album and career tank, but so did the VMAs.

16. Stars are vapid.

If the number one thing you wanted to look forward to was Britney, then there isn’t much to look forward to.

17. Tommy Lee

Why do you get to go ANYWAY?

18. Pamela Anderson

If she gets to appear, can’t Aerosmith? Can’t some real band, even if old, hit the boards and show everybody what real music is, blowing people away?

19. Sarah Silverman

Shock isn’t everything. You’ve also got to be funny.
She went on so long you’d think she was the host.
For a minute there, I thought this was a Comedy Central roast.

20. Timbaland

Stay behind the board.

21. Mark Ronson

Might have raised your profile, but not your cred. Yup, you too looked like a dork.

22. Nicole whatshername

If this is what Jimmy’s into, he’s relevant no more.

23. John Norris

You can no longer be on the program unless there’s an act older than you.

And no matter how you comb it, no matter what color you dye it, EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU’RE GOING BALD! OWN IT DUDE!

24. The guy with the English accent.

Was he a ringer? Or is he a "veejay"?

If so, the fact that no one knows who he is proves the point, THAT NO ONE WATCHES MTV!

25. The post-game.

Couldn’t they have said it sucked? Showed a little rock and roll attitude? Fawning is for network. MTV is supposed to be edgy and honest, right?

But you can’t break the rules. You’re in bed with your boss, and he’s in bed with the Fortune 500. Truth has got NO PLACE!

Not even in the music you’re airing.

It’s like watching an alternative universe. Completely different from the music world on the Web, or in the live venues. Where people actually play their instruments, after practicing for YEARS!

I’ll admit culture has changed. That young kids want to go to the club and bump bodies, with the hope of getting laid. But this has about as much to do with music as music has to do with MySpace. The music is just the grease. A lubricant for sex.

Real music is something that hits your mind as well as your body. And the VMAs were so mindless as to make one believe that missing the show in the future will be no great loss.

The VMAs used to be our Oscars. Sure, we didn’t care who won the awards, but WE were in attendance. On this show WE ruled.

If this is WE, I want no part. And most other people don’t either.

The VMAs are just another wreck on the side of the freeway, that we slow down to look at as we drive to our ultimate destination, somewhere else!

Anybody trumpeting the success of this show, anyone who doesn’t see that it was a disaster signaling the end of the franchise, needs to listen to a little more Bob Dylan. Who so famously said "There’s something happening here, but you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?"

Mr. Jones was a "Time" reporter.

For a moment there, in the nineties, hipdom and the mainstream merged. But that ended in the twenty first century. When the Net took hold and the powers-that-be, mainstream media, held on ever tighter to the old paradigm, which is about selling shit. "Good" didn’t come into the equation, DEAL was all that mattered.

And there are some young performers who want to suck at this tit. But they’re now the minority, a veritable sideshow. The musicians who count have abandoned the old game, don’t give a shit about MTV or the major labels, never mind corporate radio. They’re forging ahead by themselves. Riding an idea in pursuit of excellence. Oh, many of these new acts on the Web suck. But the good ones…they want no part of the machine. And these new ones are going to rule.

Typing this on Felice’s new 24" iMac with the low-profile keyboard. Thought I’d dislike it, but I’m thinking of converting. With one’s fingers traveling so little, there appears to be less fatigue.

Contemplating taking a few days hiatus, feeling over-revved and burned out, I’ve been reading newspapers and magazines in her living room. Just about ready to call it a night, I cracked "Explorations", the brochure from Lindblad, the travel company.

You see Felice has got a hankering to go to Alaska. And Betsy, my physical therapist, told us to check out Lindblad, that her parents and kid had just gone with them to the Galapagos. And I’m turning the pages in the brochure, getting excited about the wide open world we live in, and I find this quote from Charles Darwin:

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change."

One gets one’s best insight when one isn’t paying attention, when one isn’t working. I guess that’s why vacation is so valuable. Reading this quote I had a eureka moment, I just had to connect with you, because this is EXACTLY what is going on in the music business.

The record labels were the strongest of the species. Everything flowed from them. Agents were secondary characters. In the nineties, all but the most major of managers went to work for the record companies. Back when creating a hit was painting by numbers.

But those days are through. It’s not only piracy, but a change in focus, in exhibition.

I was positively flabbergasted to find nearly 15,000 people at the Hollywood Bowl for tonight’s Hall & Oates gig. And this was the second night of the run! They’re not on the radio, they’re not teen favorites like Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, but there’s demand far in excess of that for the acts the major labels and the mainstream media TELL us are the stars! Hall & Oates gave up recording because of Clive Davis’ controlling input. Now Clive’s charges can’t sell out theatres, and this cast-off act, playing with a real string section, is doing boffo at the b.o?

Maybe it’s the venue itself. One of America’s most storied.

Or maybe it’s the music.

Or maybe it’s the talent.

Or maybe hits don’t mean that much anymore. Or not many people are listening to Top Forty radio. Did you read that WSJ article about the People Meter? Turns out urban and Spanish stations have been rated artificially high. We live in a rock world. At least in Philadelphia, where the new radio ratings system has been rolled out.

New Way to Count Listeners Shakes Up Radio

We’re living in a changing environment. CDs are on their way to extinction. Apple rules the online universe today, but the future is up for grabs. The new winners won’t necessarily be those presently wielding big sticks, nor those with Ivy League educations, but people who are informed, who are aware of the changes not only in media, but life. Street teams were hip a few years back, now they’re almost worthless spam. Make an expensive video for a television channel that doesn’t PLAY videos? Complain about not selling records, needing to get paid, when the only sure way to riches is going on the road?

To survive you’ve got to know today’s temperature, you can’t focus solely on tomorrow’s. We’ve got an industry clamoring about subscription, but unless it includes ownership, it’s a sideshow. Rhapsody-type services might rule in the future, but ownership is where it’s at today. Taking all the money today is probably cutting an act’s revenue in the future… The classic Pearl Jam paradigm. If your label, manager and agent are telling you to do things that don’t feel good, they’re probably NOT! And who knows more, the guy in the office, or you, who came up from the street, and by playing live and going on the road are STILL ON THE STREET?

It is like playing live. Get that instant feedback and you tailor your show to the response. Like a comedian you know what jokes work, and you tell those. You play the material that gets a reaction, you’re in bed with your developing fanbase.

MySpace has peaked, Facebook isn’t a full replacement and is social networking really even the future? Virtual reality has never taken hold. And we’re still waiting for the flying cars…

We’re all networked. Whether you’re watching cable TV, reading the newspaper or dining with friends. Use this stimulation as a gateway to your business future. Music is not baseball, not a game with rules. Hell, it works best when the rules are BROKEN!

Don’t listen to the carping. Tune out the railing about the perils of P2P and the death of the album. Nothing the bullies in power have to say about them will make a difference. Because the public, which is in control, isn’t listening.

Not that you should forget history. Study Peter Grant. And Albert Grossman. And Bob Krasnow. The man who created a record label where none of the acts had anything to do with each other yet ALL were successful! It was less about the number of attempts than finding good shit and nurturing it. A label with the Gipsy Kings and Metallica? You had to believe in that.

Question authority. John Lennon’s legend lives on because he spoke the truth, the Beatles WERE bigger than Jesus.

But Britney is not. MTV doesn’t have that search for excellence Elektra possessed, and Jimmy Iovine is not Bob Krasnow. Krasnow was an autocrat, but it wasn’t about his fame, but the music.

Make it about the music. If it’s good enough, riches will come your way.

Don’t do it Clive’s way, but your way. Don’t repeat a formula, INVENT a formula, using pieces from the past. But only those relevant today.

There’s never been a better time to be either a player or a businessman. Unfortunately, there’s no book to guide you, you’ll have to write your own.

All of the continents may have been explored, but that doesn’t mean people don’t want to go on journeys, don’t want to be made to feel alive. Music has got this power. It’s your move.

Would you like to hit that? Tap that ass?

Not me.

But it might be fascinating to watch a girl who’ll do ANYTHING for fame cavort on television, as I laugh along.

That’s what’s wrong with MTV. We’re laughing AT IT! Remember the days of wanting to be Martha Quinn’s boyfriend? Wanting to win John Mellencamp’s house? Now it’s all about getting into the Palms to watch the girls take off their tops. And last time I checked, that’s got NOTHING to do with rock and roll. Unless some hot English guitarist who can barely speak does it in the confines of his hotel room and you hear about it from a buddy who says he knows someone who knows someone as opposed to reading about it on TMZ or seeing it on the Internet.

Maybe someone at MTV should listen to Joni Mitchell’s old song "Woodstock" and realize they’ve got to get back to the garden. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN as opposed to the one surrounding the pool at the Palms. Want everybody to watch? Want to regain MTV’s credibility? BOOK LED ZEPPELIN!

Yup, dig into the coffers. Hell, get your advertisers to pony up for the privilege of not only placing spots in the show, but sitting up front. All in one, you’ve got an event, you cut across all demos, and you REGAIN YOUR CREDIBILITY!

Yes, once upon a time, MTV was the most credible channel on television. There was even a sense of danger. It was our outlet. It took up the reins when AOR punted. But now GOOGLE has more credibility than MTV. And that’s a SEARCH ENGINE!

MTV got so in bed with advertisers that it forgot its success depended on fans. It’s great that you can charge a lot for spots, but if there are umpteen an hour, and if what’s in between them is WORSE than the commercials, you’ve got a problem.

Fuck Christine Norman. You want to fix MTV? HIRE RICK RUBIN!

Want to save music Rick? Don’t go to work for a label, don’t scour the planet for unsigned acts you can slowly build into stars. Make the whole music world your sandbox. Yup, big, bearded Rick gets on MTV and smashes Britney CDs (she’s a joke, don’t you KNOW?) And then Justin’s too.

For one week, there will only be videos of bands that WRITE THEIR OWN MATERIAL!

A NO-DANCING WEEK!

It’s not about stars as much as ATTITUDE! There’s no attitude on MTV anymore, certainly not the one at the heart of rock and roll greatness. You’ve got to start with the ‘tude, and then find acts that fit the bill. People will tune in just to be members of the club, to partake in the authenticity, to BELONG!

Want to know the biggest problem facing music today? THE LACK OF A FILTER!

MTV decided what was good. It didn’t have to fit an existing format. It MADE Duran Duran. As well as Fat Boy Slim. It needs to be a filter AGAIN!

Where’s the innovative thinking? Where’s the understanding of the marketplace? Who’s got his finger on the PULSE!

Tom Freston wouldn’t have stood for this. A great hands-off manager, Tom had INSTINCTS! He understood the big picture. MTV has veered so far off course, it may NEVER be able to regain ANY of its greatness.

But it’s on all those cable systems. It’s in all those households.

Fuck dating shows on TV. Why doesn’t MTV.com have dating? Never mind Match.com, but a free, advertiser-supported site like Plentyoffish? And a dash of Craigslist. You want to hook up with friends at a show? Go to MTV.com.

MTV.com isn’t an extension of the cable channel…it’s a WHOLE NEW THING!

But they fried that brand.

Maybe try again with iMTV.com. Get in a lawsuit with Apple. Hell, get in bed with Apple as opposed to Real. Wasn’t MTV always about aligning itself with winners as opposed to wannabes?

Not only is there no danger, there’s no risk.

Las Vegas is a mind-set unto itself. Music has glommed on to it, not vice versa. Used to be music was the most powerful medium in the world. Until MTV and its subservient labels whored it out.

Place the VMAs in the unpopulated desert. Make it more akin to Burning Man than a Spice Girls show. Do something different. Do something cool as opposed to lowest common denominator. Now is not the time for train-wreck, but SUBSTANCE!

MTV Greenlights Tila Tequila Dating Show, Debuts Oct. 9
(And be sure to read the comments at the bottom of the page…)

To all iPhone customers:

Where’s the one from the RIAA? For suing all those traders, many of whom are poor students, as millions go untouched and P2P increases in volume?

And while they’re at it, why don’t the labels apologize for high CD prices. Ripping off not only the public, but the artists, who took reduced royalties in order for the companies to gain a foothold with a cash cow.

And how about the lack of singles, forcing us to buy the complete album for the one good track we wanted? And now bitching that iTunes has the ability to deliver just that, albeit at an inflated price, and ripping off the act once again.

We’re all in it together.

Wait, that’s not true. Has Lyor Cohen invited you to play golf at his club? Clive Davis for dinner? Ever try to approach Jimmy Iovine? Good luck getting through the handlers.

Just like the rest of America, we’ve got two classes in the music world. The rulers and the proletariat. And that’s how the royalty likes it. We pick ’em, you buy ’em, and everybody’s happy!

But what if everybody’s NOT happy?

Too many iPhone buyers weren’t happy that Apple dropped the price two hundred bucks in two months. Sure, it’s technology, where you always get more for less if you wait. But TWO MONTHS?

What keeps a company in business? Its loyal CUSTOMERS! Who are the loyal customers defending the major labels? The companies have forgotten they’re consumer businesses, that without the public, they’re fucked. This ain’t hedge funds, with guaranteed fees from investors who can afford to lose. This is down in the gutter, er, the aisles of Best Buy, business, where every dollar counts.

What have the labels done to appease their customer base? I’m trying to think of something. Maybe releasing the album you just bought with one or two new tracks for Christmas so you’ve got to buy the whole thing all over again. God, there’s an endless parade of ways the major labels have fucked their customers. No WONDER no one’s on their side!

How about a mea culpa. An admission that they fucked up Net music. An announcement that DRM is history. And you can get a lot of tracks for a little. How about bringing us in instead of keeping us OUT!

The label’s best friend is not the retailer, not the press, but the fan. You’ve got to create fans. Who’ll spread the word, who will continue to buy your wares. But even when the labels get a reasonable act, they whore them out, they eviscerate all their credibility in a dire dash for cash. Long term thinking? The major labels would sue you for divorce on the altar!

And admitting they’re wrong?

Kind of like George Bush. Checked HIS ratings recently? If he were a TV show, he’d be canceled. If he were a radio format, he’d be FLIPPED!

Not that Steve Jobs is all warm and fuzzy. But he’s in search of excellence, and with this one little missive acknowledges he cares about his customers, he realizes that without taking care of Apple’s early adopters, there WILL BE NO early adopters!

You need these guinea pigs to make a go of it. Like with a record. The first 50,000 are the hardest. You’ve got to get traction. It’s these high risk takers who will spread the word, keep you in business.

And while we’re taking lessons from Steve, if the labels are so worried about piracy, why don’t they announce new albums THE DAY THEY’RE RELEASED! That’s what Apple does. Steve introduces it and you can go to the Apple Store or its online equivalent and get the product IMMEDIATELY! Interscope was worried about theft of Fitty before release date? Why didn’t they wait to announce a new album UNTIL Tuesday?

Yup, the record business is one of hype. Smoke and mirrors. All in service to a good first SoundScan week. It would be like introducing the iPhone and only expecting to SELL IT for sixty days.

There was money for Apple in sixty days. But the REAL money is if it can get the whole world on board. Momentum begets more sales. Kind of like the iPod. It took a YEAR AND A HALF for it to break big! If the act you sign doesn’t break big in that time frame your A&R ass is FIRED!

We often wonder if Mr. Jobs is human. But in one fell swoop, with one personal e-mail, yup, it reads like it was written by him, we believe he’s on our team. There’s no one at the major labels who’s on our team.