Early one mornin’ the sun was shinin’,
I was layin’ in bed

I was back in college. But it wasn’t the seventies. It was positively now.

At first it seemed exciting. I was setting up my dorm room and then I went down to the student union. And as I began to speak to the twentysomethings, that’s when it hit me. I didn’t want to be here!

How did this happen? How did I agree to this? I was in for four years? Back in Vermont? I needed to be in New York City. I wanted to be at Columbia. Who did I call? My parents? You?

I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to go to the city and plead my life.

And that’s how I found myself at a party in Pacific Palisades. Not a wingding featuring the rich and famous, but one held by a twentysomething woman who ignored me while she talked to her Seth Rogen wannabe boyfriend. And being silent, not pleading my case, my mind in a different place from my body, her lithe girlfriend who hadn’t even looked me in the eye sat on my lap. I reached down and put my fingers in her cake. And she loved it.

I figured delivering pleasure would connect us, but then she’d have nothing to do with me. So I hitched a ride with the middle eastern men who’d just appeared.

But I wasn’t in their car.

I didn’t have a car. I’d walked from Vermont to California. And suddenly I was walking again. Maybe I should have copped a ride with the police officer who came to break up the party. Instead I was wandering in a church parking lot. Not looking for salvation, but a way out, to PCH.

And that’s when I stole my old BMW from Leo. And as I was driving it down the curvy road to my old abode, I hit every car in attendance. When did I become such an incredible loser? How did I make such a mess of my life?

And that’s when my new friend told me we were going to see Bob Dylan. We were gonna hang.

And as we sojourn on I tell this guy that I thought the last album was crap. And that Bob hadn’t done anything great since "Things Have Changed". From the "Wonder Boys" soundtrack.

There was no response. And that’s when I rolled over and saw it was late enough to get up.

The rest of the house was cold, but the bedroom was warm. The needle said it was seventy, even though I’d set the thermostat ten degrees cooler. That must be why I tossed and turned. But this is the second time this week.

There was a message on the machine from someone looking for money. And when I opened the front door to retrieve the newspapers, it was raining. When I got back inside, I pulled my copy of "Blood On The Tracks". I needed to hear "Tangled Up In Blue". It was the only thing that would keep me from crying. Because lines from the song had been embedded in my brain from the moment I woke up.

All the people we used to know
They’re an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter’s wives.
Don’t know how it all got started,
I don’t know what they’re doin’ with their lives.
But me, I’m still on the road
Headin’ for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue.

Live Nation To Employees: Please Help Us Stock Our Bar For The Holidays

I hate Universal Music. Its brass is so BACKWARD!

You can’t hear this track on MySpace. Oh, you can hear the demo. When will these fucks realize that locks don’t work, that they’re the antithesis of the Internet paradigm? That you have to make everything AVAILABLE! You’ve got to lower barriers. Maybe, like Google says, you have to know where in the food chain to charge. Since you’ve ruined selling music, if you want to go into management, owning the Sanctuary assets, you should realize in this era of clutter you’ve got to give people the tools to spread the word. And by refusing to put music on MySpace, you’re doing just the opposite.

But it gets worse. If you go to the act’s site, you can only watch 60 seconds of the video. What, do they want us to BUY IT? Since MTV airs no videos, why hold back?

Ah, that’s the English site. If you go to the U.S. site, both begin on the same page, you can watch the video. Not that you can see it on Yahoo if you’re running Safari. You’ve got to use Firefox.

And Doug Morris is worrying about incompatible DRM schemes? God, he’s doing a great job of confusing the public all by his lonesome.

What the FUCK am I talking about?

Fire up your P2P app of choice. Don’t even watch the video, the audio is so horrific. And when you SEE this guy, you won’t get it.

Search on James Morrison. "Wonderful World".

I know, I know, you’ve been into him for months.

I tried playing the CD. But where to begin? I needed radio to pick out a track. And in the parking lot of Rite-Aid this afternoon, just after firing up my Saabaru, this mellifluous number came pouring out of the speakers, via Sirius’ Spectrum.

I’ve become immune to hype. Immune to press. Who is paying attention? God, it’s so hard to get people’s attention anymore. There’s no one you trust. As for the people who e-mailed me about Mr. Morrison, with the unfortunate name of one of the greatest rock and rollers of all time, they didn’t play dj, they didn’t pick out a specific track.

There are certain records that are one listen, that you only have to hear once to get. James Morrison’s "Wonderful World" is one of these.

I’m sure at some point I’ll decipher the lyrics. But now I’m just enraptured by the style, the changes. It sounds positively seventies, with a big band. Horns, backup singers, a whole CORNUCOPIA of players. And atop them all is this dude with a fresh voice singing like he’s got not a care in the world, all that matters is the music. How often do you hear a song that takes you away instantly, that makes you forget your problems?

I could go on and on, but really you’ve just got to hear it. That’s why I fired up MySpace, to make sure it was available there. After all, I was going to clue tens of thousands of people in, I wanted them to be able to hear it INSTANTLY! But they CAN’T! "Wonderful World" isn’t ON MySpace. Oh, there’s a demo. But don’t listen to that, this is a record, not a song.

His Website, www.jamesmorrisonmusic.com/, gave me the choice of entering or going to the U.S. site. Haven’t we known to go to the English site since the Beatles, ever since Capitol raped their albums?

I’m hunting all over.

If you want to hear the song, go to Yahoo Music. But, use Firefox if you’re on a Mac. But the effect is going to be ruined. I had a whole movie in my mind. But the guy didn’t look like this, the images didn’t look like this. It was dark, a nightclub. The singer was older. He was wearing a suit, with a tie loose around his neck. And long after dark his large band took the tiny stage, and when they fired up he sang like his life depended on it, like this was his only chance to close the audience.

And you’ll be closed as soon as you hear "Wonderful World".

Not that this is Top Forty-friendly. Not that this is even Hot AC-friendly. This is the kind of music that needs to be sold word of mouth, by baby boomers, like Norah Jones.

And you’ve got to give boomers help. They no longer listen to the radio. THIS should be playing in Starbucks, not McCartney’s substandard crap. Play "Wonderful World" and people will be looking to the ceiling asking WHO IS THIS?

1. Josh Groban "Noel"

Sales this week: 405,375
Percentage change: +77%

Jew sings Christmas carols. Wonder what Mel Gibson would say about that?

Did I miss something, or did Josh Groban actually have a hit?

He may sing old fogey music, but young Josh is positively new school. It’s about HIM, not the songs. ANYTHING he sings is gonna sell. Build the act, not the song. Otherwise you end up with Soulja Boy, who Jermaine Dupri so eloquently told us sold 4,000,000 singles and only 300,000 albums. If it’s about the single, you’re fucked. Because singles don’t have the penetration they used to. You’re preaching to those who only WANT the single. You want album buyers. Not because they want a collection, but because they want EVERYTHING! Release quality material. Play to your fans. Then watch your sales grow.

2. Alicia Keys "As I Am"

Sales this week: 336,298
Percentage change: -53%

I thought the writers strike appearance was a cheap stunt, but I’m willing to say that Clive Davis and his team did excellent set-up here. Clive told the press that Alicia was a twenty first century diva, a star without all the negative ego trappings, and they BOUGHT IT!

I like Alicia. I just wish her material were more memorable. That it was more about the core than the penumbra. That I could remember more than "Fallin’", which is really a James Brown song…

3. NOW 26

Sales this week: 232,993
Percentage change: +14%

Is anybody gonna want ’em when they’re THEN?

I don’t think so…

4. Eagles "Long Road Out Of Eden"

Sales this week: 216,323
Percentage change: +11%

Tell me why you need a record company again? To get on "60 Minutes"? Well, Irving and Larry managed to do this sans hundreds of employees.

Radio isn’t playing much of the Eagles’ new material. Best to go where they are, TV! Hell, license every one of these songs. First to pay cable, then network TV. From HBO to NBC! Hell, the order is irrelevant. If they’re going to do a deal with Wal-Mart, and nobody but fans is listening, why not go where the people are? Maybe commission a TV movie of the title track.

I’m against this shit, but the Eagles album is going to die a quick death, be a momentary event, unless stuff like this is done. To turn tracks into classics, they must be associated with something.

Fuck the movies. They take too long to come to the screen and you never know if they’re going to be good. And not many people see them either. Go straight to television, where the EYES AND EARS ARE!

Time to shift the paradigm once again, Irving. Moby was nobody when he licensed all his tracks. The Eagles are somebody, doors will open because of their name/history and the incredible sales numbers of this project. Seize the opportunity NOW!

As for the "60 Minutes" piece… Worthless except for the harmonies and the way Henley looked to the ceiling when Glenn was talking. Why does TV have to be so dumbed down? Why does "60 Minutes" have to assume that NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THE EAGLES? They own the biggest selling album of all time. Someone bought it. Chances are the same people watching this show. Couldn’t you ask some tough questions? Couldn’t we learn anything? We used to rely on "Rolling Stone" for this. But that was back before it cared more about automobile and tobacco companies than music.

5. "High School Musical 2"

Sales this week: 190,378
Percentage change: +141%

They probably ran it on the Disney Channel this weekend, when the kids were home from school. Or maybe the brand name has filtered down to the parents, who were buying gifts for Christmas. But if you don’t know that "High School Musical" has jumped the shark, you probably don’t know the episode of "Happy Days" that generated this cliche.

6. Garth Brooks "Ultimate Hits"

Sales this week: 188,284
Percentage change: -6%

Is he retired or not? Now he’s playing STAPLES?

This so-called hillbilly got his masters back. And now he’s milking them, at a discount price. Kudos! Garth may be rich, but he’s positively down home with his fans. He knows what all the majors don’t. You’ve got to RESPECT YOUR AUDIENCE! The music is cheap, the tickets are cheap… How come he gets it, and he’s twenty years on, and the new acts are playing by bullshit rip-off rules?

As for being a hillbilly… Garth is just as good a businessman as his hero Gene Simmons. BETTER! Because Garth has kept his credibility. As for the live performance… I don’t care if you think he’s shite, go see him and you’ll be converted. It’s intimacy, sincerity and bluster all in one. It’s positively ELECTRIC!

9. Jordin Sparks

Sales this week: 121,351
Debut

"American Idol" has peaked. As far as selling records, anyway.

And this is kind of a shit number for what is perceived as an album containing a killer track. Yup, give the label credit, they paired this charisma-challenged teenager with a great song. But unless they keep finding great songs, people will care less than they do about Clay Aiken.

TV ratings may not dip significantly. After all, it is the winter. And it is human drama. But continuing to make stars? Check the grosses on the tour. They verged on horrific.

10. Keith Urban "Greatest Hits"

Sales this week: 117,315
Debut

It’s getting increasingly hard to sell greatest hits albums, next year it’s going to be close to impossible. People will just cherry-pick what they want online. So, it was now or never.

As for the album itself…

Whenever Keith comes up on my iPod, I smile. Start here, the magic tracks are on this album.

"Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me" is an album opener akin to those beginning Stones records. It takes off and flies. It may be country, but it’s more rock and roll than the Stones have cut in eons, even though it is parked at number 13 on this album.

Some people love Radney Foster’s take on "Raining On Sunday" better. Nobody sings a song like its writer. But for a newbie country fan like myself, the cover works.

"You’ll Think Of Me"… God, listen to the lyrics.

And you know I love "Stupid Boy".

Forget the hair. Forget the rehab. Forget the famous wife. Forget he’s country. Listen to these songs. If only James Taylor was doing work this good today.

13. Jay-Z "American Gangster"

Sales this week: 88,845
Percentage change: -25%

Okay, according to SoundScan, Alicia Keys’ album sold 742,426 in its debut week. Of this, 60,900 were digital. That’s essentially 10%. Furthermore, the single, "No One", sold 205,533 copies last week, the equivalent of another 20,000 albums. But that single has been on the chart for 10 weeks. All told, it’s sold 860,707 copies. The equivalent of 80,000 more albums. Eager to leave that money on the table?

Chris Brown sold 121,730 copies of his album "Exclusive" this week, its first on the chart. But as of LAST week, he’d sold 749,404 copies of the single "Kiss Kiss" in five weeks online, the equivalent of almost 75,000 albums.

One must ask. Should Jay-Z have sold a track prior to the release of "American Gangster"? To fulfill demand? To help spread the word?

Led Zeppelin sold 136,638 copies of the "Mothership" album last week. Of these, 33,456 were online! That’s just shy of twenty five percent. And, the tracks were available as singles! They’re all over the singles chart, but the biggest seller is "Stairway To Heaven", at number 33 (Zeppelin was number two on the digital album chart), with 24,697 sold. I’d say that the singles buyers were not fans of Zeppelin, at least not yet. But maybe "Stairway To Heaven" will addict them! Is it any wonder that the quintessential album act generates primarily album sales?

I don’t think the availability of singles would cannibalize Jay-Z album sales on iTunes. He’s got diehard fans. The trick is indoctrinating the newbies.

But there’s something else going on. Jay-Z’s album is not burning up the BigChampagne P2P chart either. The title track is number 31. The only other cut in the top fifty is "I Know".

"American Gangster" got good reviews. But somehow, its magic is eluding the audience. This is a marketing issue. Jay-Z may have made a stand for his main man Doug Morris, but so far Steve Jobs hasn’t backed down and Jay-Z’s decision seems to be hurting his project. The goal of an artist is to have as many people as possible exposed to his music. I’d be stunned if Jay-Z weren’t frustrated about now.

In today’s marketplace, it’s hard to rise above the clutter. Even superstars have trouble.

21. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss "Raising Sand"

Sales this week: 61,504
Percentage change: +19%

This album has amazing legs. It wouldn’t have sold any better on a major. These are stars, their fans are interested. Rounder is doing a fantastic job.

More interesting, it appears that fans are interested in risks, in limit-testing, they don’t want just what came before, they want something NEW!

25. James Taylor "One Man Band"

Sales this week: 58,486
Percentage change: -2%

Can we all agree that Starbucks’ magic has worn off?

I hope JT got paid well, because he’s not selling any more than he would on a major label.

He’s presently without a manager. Gary Borman did a great job with the one way Christmas album with Hallmark. He did an Irving before Irving. Speaking of which, make a deal with Irving or go back to Gary, you can’t manage yourself.

40. Britney Spears "Blackout"

Sales this week: 37,642
Percentage change: -26%

Trust your gut, not the press. You saw her on the VMAs, you see her every day on TMZ.com. Despite the debut numbers, you knew the album couldn’t last. The debut means almost NOTHING! It’s the staying power that counts.

48. Killers "Sawdust"

Sales this week: 28,438
Percentage change: -64%

Shit, I know it’s b-sides and rarities, but you’d expect them to sell more than THIS!

Guess they aren’t stars. Guess their momentum was halted with "Sam’s Town". But that’s what hits will do to you, make everything you do afterward look like part of a downward spiral.

50. Bruce Springsteen "Magic"

Sales this week: 27,497
Percentage change: -12%

I haven’t played it. I was so disappointed by "Radio Nowhere", that I don’t want my illusions shattered any further.

But what’s amazing is, it’s like the album never came out. Unless you bought it and went to the show, you’re not impacted. There’s no radio, no TV, not even a ton of press. This is the twenty first century, everything is niche.

Still, Brendan O’Brien is a bad fit for Bruce. Dark and dense worked well with "Born To Run", when everything that came out of the dashboard speakers sounded muddy. But now Bruce needs some clarity, some warmth.

I’d like to see a return to the early days. A ton of words. More exuberance in the inflection.

I LOVED the title track of "Human Touch". "Streets Of Philadelphia" was sheer magic. The O’Brien albums sound too much like they were made in bars. It’s rock and roll, but I don’t love it. Bruce needs to think less and just let the words and music flow. Tap his id, get rid of the filter. Stop thinking and just FEEL!