I’m a bassist.

Funny after all these years to discover your true instrument. Hell, I may not hold the neck vertically like Bill Wyman, but I find myself pulling the strings up with my fingers like so many classic bassists. Then again, they’re not really strings. There are no strings on this axe at all. It’s more of a lever. That sits in the heart of my plastic instrument in ROCK BAND!

To say the learning curve on the PS3 is steep is akin to stating that KT22 is one hellacious drop. You wouldn’t ski the famed slope at Squaw Valley without years worth of training and you really shouldn’t fuck around with a PS3 unless you’ve spent hours on consoles, all the way from Nintendo 64 to Xbox, never mind the PS2. They figure you come to the set-up with years of gaming under your belt, that you push controller buttons in your sleep, that you can navigate a joystick easier than you can drive a car (if you’re old enough to drive a car).

Setting up the wireless connection on the PS3 was nothing compared to figuring out how to download the FREE demos. I kept clicking and clicking, but the fucking driving game wouldn’t come down. It took me fifteen minutes on the Mac to discover you have to register in order to partake. Who knew?

And why couldn’t I play all the fucking songs on the Rock Band box? Better yet, why could I play "Orange Crush" solo, but not with Felice?

Oh, you remember "Orange Crush". R.E.M.’s breakthrough. From their first album on Warner Brothers, "Green", which many consider to be a disappointment. Who knew "Out Of Time" was just around the corner?

You may never have to hear "Losing My Religion" one more time, but do you know "Low"? It’s my second favorite R.E.M. track, after "Ignoreland", from the follow-up, "Automatic For The People". For a minute there, R.E.M. was the biggest band in the land, until the drummer faced death in the eye and quit. Was it the massive bucks from WB, the absence of Bill Berry or was R.E.M. just done? "Monster" was such a disappointment. Now I don’t give their new albums much of a shot, I don’t want my memories fucked with.

But speaking of memories… I like "Orange Crush", but I didn’t LOVE IT!

Now I love it. Because of ROCK BAND!

I don’t know why I was able to play it. I hadn’t seen it previously. But as I was practicing my skills, I saw it was available and clicked on it. Then the fun began.

I never understood the bass before. How did you know what to play? But following the exploding (I hoped!) cartridges, I found I was providing the underpinning. Michael Stipe was singing, Peter Buck was wailing on the guitar, and I was off in DREAMLAND! I was locked in a groove, able to play my part as my mind drifted. I was the classic member of the rhythm section, singing along, even though I was nowhere near a mic. When the number was through, I had to play it again, and AGAIN! Finally, I was ready to work out with Felice on the skins. But no matter where I moved the controller, I couldn’t pull up "Orange Crush".

Smoke coming out of my ears, I fired up the Mac. Turns out YOU’VE GOT TO GO ON TOUR!

I thought the game was just playing along, I didn’t want to get invested in the shenanigans. But unless you play by their rules, you can’t play most of the songs on the system.

By this time it was past 10, Felice was losing patience. But I wanted to gig on some new songs. I told her we had to make a band.

I’m furiously working the joystick through the online keyboard. I named myself "Idiot". But it turns out there was already a default, of "Devon", so from here on in, I shall be known as "Devonidiot". Felice? She’s "Naomi". That was the default. As for the name of our band…when Felice demurred at "The Turds", I just clicked on the default, which is so complicated, I can’t even remember it, but I do know it’s not unique, so we can’t play ONLINE! And worrying that all the good will we build up might be for naught, needing to start all over again with a different moniker, like a real musician having experienced the implosion of his group, I said I was from Boston, Felice said she lived in London and we decided to make it in the U.K. first. I’d say because the audiences are more receptive across the pond, it’s easier to get traction, but the truth is I was scrolling through so many presets Felice was getting frustrated, and the last one was London, so we’re starting in the mother country.

Turns out you’ve got to play WELL, or you just can’t move on to better venues.

We made $10 for our first gig. We ultimately made it to $40 a night. We’ve now got 4,000 odd fans. And we’ve moved up two levels in venues. And we’ve got $465, which we can blow on clothes and other accoutrements.

I know, to the uninitiated, it sounds ridiculous. But have you ever played in a band? THE FIRST THING is the name. And not long thereafter, you’re worried about your image. But, in the real world, you might never get a gig. In real life, I’m a whisky bum, but in the virtual world…well, I might not be a king, but I’m a member of the musical FRATERNITY!

I still haven’t figured out how to play "Orange Crush" together, but we got good enough that we unlocked a few new songs. It was a close call. We had a gig at the Saville and I blew the big finish, not knowing how to mess with the whammy bar, having only gone through level 1 of the tutorials, but it turns out the venue forgave us, we were threatened with going home with bupkes, but we got paid.

Meanwhile, hearing these aged songs again and again, I’ve got a newfound love for them. It might not quite be like playing for real, but you do get the thrill, it’s more than a video game. The tutorials are hip in a way that mainstream media is not. I feel respected…then again, when I fuck up, THEY LET ME KNOW!

INB4LOK Endless Setlist Expert – Orange Crush

Orange Crush (Rock Band Expert Drums 5 Gold Stars)

REM – Orange Crush (Rock Band)

Rock Band: full band: Set1, Song 6: Orange Crush

This morning I went to the doctor for a follow-up appointment. This is the guy who repaired Felice’s torn ACL, he’s as good as they get. I finally broke down and saw him after the ski injury I had back in February ’06 never healed. He injected my shoulder with cortisone and prescribed physical therapy. Which helped, but didn’t fix the problem. The problem can’t be fixed without surgery. Which is not necessary at this point, I’m not in that much pain. But the doctor said if it gets worse, to come in. Because if the tendon tears, it’s too late.

Then we discussed Felice. He said skiing was not ACL dependent, that she should be okay. As for the slight instability she feels at times, she should come in.

And then I left.

And I was elated.

It was hard to pin down. I think it was the human contact.

From there I braved the freeway to Ralphs, where I was planning to buy Dannon coffee yogurt. But they had none. And that’s like finding out your drug dealer has been incarcerated. Without Dannon coffee yogurt my whole diet is thrown off, it’s my bedrock staple. And debating where to go for my hit, worried about fruitless excursions, I heard Pete Droge on the Sirius Coffee House.

I remember Pete from the first time around. When he was Rick Rubin’s protege, when he had that novelty song about killing himself. From there it was the title song to "Beautiful Girls" and then obscurity. A resurfacing years later as part of the Thorns, but that hyped act didn’t make it, deservedly so. The sound was better than the material.

I figured Pete Droge had given up, gone to work in his dad’s business or something. That’s what you do when your dream dies. Remember that guy from Pearls Before Swine, Tom Rapp? He’s now an attorney. It’s either stardom or the scrapheap. But it turns out Pete didn’t give up. He’s been ensconced in Seattle, working on a zillion projects under the moniker Puzzle Tree Music. You can read all about it at http://puzzletreemusic.com/ (or go to www.droge.com/, you end up at the same place).

I went to the site to find out if "Going Whichever Way The Wind Blows" was an oldie or a new song. Once at http://puzzletreemusic.com/, I clicked on the left-hand icon, to enter the Pete Droge Online Presence, and while I was waiting for the Flash to load the images a song started playing, which normally pisses me off, but this number, it was soothing me. And I’m not even bothered that much by the Flash, since it doesn’t take that long, and there’s a numbered countdown (or up, to be completely accurate). And I’m clicking around, and I’m thinking to myself this number, it’s EXQUISITE!

Yesterday I heard Alicia Keys’ hit track "No One" on the radio. And all I could hear was the thundering bottom, just like every other record on the Top Forty. No wonder Clive’s acts are never remembered, why they don’t sell any product in the future, they’re not ORIGINAL! They don’t break ground, they just refine what’s already been done. I’m wincing, didn’t that fake drum sound hit the airwaves in the early eighties? With rockers giving up on it eons ago, why is it so dominant on today’s Top Forty? God, it’s almost only about the beat. This is music to drive to, to dance to. It might be anthemic, but it doesn’t speak to the human condition, it doesn’t touch your soul. Whereas "Under The Waves" sets your mind adrift, you feel all tingly as you contemplate where you are, where you’ve been and where you might be going.

Turns out "Going Whichever Way The Wind Blows" is featured in a Toyota Sequoia commercial. And although it’s a gas-guzzler, that Toyota is hipper than most of the whored out acts being purveyed today. Watch the spot, it works.

But the killer is "Under The Waves". Which it turns out was featured in "Grey’s Anatomy".

I don’t ever watch commercials. I’ve never seen "Grey’s Anatomy". You can tell I’m proud of that, can’t you? It’s the way I establish my identity. I need to be different. As does just about every American, we need somewhere to belong. And that’s not the Oscars, or the Grammys. Doesn’t matter what movies or music is featured, we’re not interested in mass entertainment, it doesn’t SPEAK TO US!

But, "Under The Waves" speaks to me.

It’s not a hit. Not something that could EVER be played on Top Forty radio. It should only be featured on AAA occasionally. But to hear it in your own home, whether as part of an album or your iPod on shuffle…it takes you away.

This is the listening experience we’re missing. Not the ALBUM experience, but the experience of marinating in the music, alone. Being bathed in it. Not seeing the images from the video in your head, but creating your own mental movie. These tracks don’t sell the record, but they cement your relationship with the artist.

I can’t imagine Pete Droge is rich. Maybe he wanted to be once. But fame eluded him. But that doesn’t mean he’s giving up. Because first and foremost he’s a musician. Playing music is a calling.

You can hear "Under The Waves" at Pete’s site, as per the above route. Or you can hear it and "Going Whichever Way The Wind Blows" at Pete’s MySpace page at: www.myspace.com/petedroge. You can also see the Toyota Sequoia commercial on the MySpace page. If you like quieter music, if you enjoy being introspective, check out "Under The Waves".

Personally, I like Monday’s paper the best.  That’s when the "New York Times" focuses on media.  You can read the Business section from front to back.  I’ve never really enjoyed the Sunday edition.  It’s too soft, it looks back too far.  The concept of staying home all afternoon turning the pages…I’d rather be outside.

But Felice is a dedicated paper reader.  Not only Sunday, but the weekdays too.  She brews a pot of coffee and starts studying as soon as she awakes.  Which is usually HOURS before I arise, but ever since skiing in Colorado a month ago, I’ve tried to be on an early schedule.  By my standards anyway.  Waking up at 9.

Today, I slept in.  I got out of bed just before ten.  Felice was already digesting the L.A. "Times".  I get that paper, but it’s almost unreadable, there’s no longer anything IN IT!  Music coverage on Sunday is limited to two pages.  I went directly for the "New York Times".  To read Frank Rich, to read "Modern Love".

And after coursing through the various sections of the paper, I decided to do a quick run through the "Magazine".  So I could hand it over to Felice.  So she could take it to the bedroom and do the puzzle.  Looking through the table of contents, I saw an article entitled "Did You Hear the One About the Christian Comedian?"  Being Jewish and raised in an environment of humor, I decided to check this out.  And I became riveted.

So here’s the story.  Christian comedian, a mom, married to a member of the clergy, posts a video on YouTube.  Hell, I’ll just quote the article.

"Last Mother’s Day, at the urging of her kids, she posted on YouTube the film clip of her performance at the Dozier Center for the Performing Arts in Kennesaw, Ga., and promptly forgot about it. ‘I thought it would be a nice thing to do,’ she says. ‘I thought maybe 1,000 people might see it.’

Turns out that was optimistic. Over Mother’s Day weekend, the clip got about 500 hits. But Renfroe never got around to taking the video down, and as the summer progressed, its popularity continued to grow. By Labor Day, it had passed the 800,000 hit mark. Then the blogosphere discovered it: Mommyneedscoffee.com and hotmomsclub.com thought it was hilarious. ‘That’s when it went bazooka,’ Renfroe says.

By Oct. 1, approximately 1.5 million people had seen the video. By Oct. 19, the number had risen to 8 million; the video had gone viral. ‘That’s pretty impressive until you realize that the guy who eats live locusts has, like, 12 million hits,’ Renfroe told me. Then a producer from ‘Good Morning America’ called at 5:30 one morning to ask whether the show could run the clip. The song got even bigger when iTunes put the video on its lineup. After that, Renfroe was fending off offers like a Hollywood starlet."

Before I go all analytical on you, and I know you can see it coming, the analogy to the music business, I’ve got to tell you that this woman is FUNNY!

I decide to finish the article before I write to you, and although I don’t even chuckle at the material that opens the story, when I read the following, I laugh out loud!

"She praised her husband, John – shown smiling lovingly on a big screen – and then confessed: ‘It was easier for me to submit myself to him when I was younger and thinner. . . . But then I got older and gained weight, and it’s harder for me to submit to him. Because basically I think I can take him.’"

Oh, I know, you didn’t think that was funny.  Maybe it was the set-up, involving mammograms and underwire that loosened me up.  But isn’t that what a comedian does?  Punch you enough that you start rolling on the floor?  Weaken your defenses?  I went from being skeptical of this evangelical to being on her side.

Yes, she’s a believer.  Anita Renfroe’s already made it on the Christian comedy circuit (yes, there is such a thing).  Assuming you believe $250,000 a year is having made it.  I do.  She plays these religious events.

And reading about these religious affairs, I realize that this is what music used to deliver, hope.  If you’re downtrodden, don’t think you can make it through…you need a record.  With music that soothes you and lyrics that speak to you.  I know this is not what the machinery wants to hear.  They want something that will succeed in call-out research.  But would the evangelical movement succeed in call-out research?  No, it’s something that’s got to be sold by word of mouth, one to one.  There has to be a PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP!  We’re selling vapid, lowest common denominator material at an overinflated price and pissed that the public isn’t buying it like it used to.  I mean really, is the problem the thieving audience, or us?

But reading this article does give me hope for the music business.  Not only that something of quality can be blown up on the Internet, but that we can return to the era of the sixties and seventies, when music was a more regional phenomenon, when it was positively underground.  The Christian comedy circuit is underground.  I’ve never ever even heard of it.  But for years, Anita Renfroe has been plying her trade.  Like a band working clubs, graduating to arenas, not going directly to New York or L.A. to try and get on radio and TV instantly.  Instead of ubiquity, should we be focusing on traction, and the Internet accident that bumps us up to the next level?

Sure, in this case Anita Renfroe ultimately appeared on "Good Morning America" as a result of her YouTube success.  Should you have the same dream?  Well, comedy was always about television.  Was music?

Life is tough.  We need music.  We need hope.

I’m going to leave you with another Renfroe gem.  Because when I read it not only did I laugh, I smiled…because it had the ring of truth.

"Each day you have a choice – hilarity or insanity."

If that ain’t the truth.  Life is hard, complicated.  To put one foot in front of the other is difficult.  Didn’t the "New York Times" just do a front page story on the epidemic of baby boomer suicides

Midlife Suicide Rises, Puzzling Researchers

Anita Renfroe is saving lives.  She likes the money, but that’s secondary to the mission.  We need those same priorities in the music world.

Did You Hear the One About the Christian Comedian?

In my most recent piece, entitled: "Dirty City feat. Eric Clapton", I made a mistake.  I substituted Gregg Allman’s name for Duane’s.

The line was: "Eric did his best work collaborating with Gregg Allman."

It should have read: "Eric did his best work collaborating with Duane Allman."

If you want to go even deeper, I’m not sure this is even true.  My favorite Clapton album remains the first, with "Easy Now" and "Let It Rain".  That first record, released around the same time as the even more legendary "Alone Together", Dave Mason’s solo debut, did not have the hype of records today.  Starting out under your own name meant that certain people didn’t get the memo, and therefore it was more difficult to reach critical mass.  Is that why Eric’s solo debut seems to have been forgotten?  I’m not sure.  Maybe it was because there wasn’t a big "hit".  Nothing that was ubiquitous on AM, like "Sunshine Of Your Love", which jumped from FM to AM in the summer of ’68.  Or "Layla", which dominated the suddenly dominant FM in ’71.

And it’s that album, "Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs", that I was referring to here.  For further information on Duane’s contribution, how he got involved in the sessions, read "Skydog – The Duane Allman Story", by Randy Poe.

I might have heard "Layla" too many times in Dave McCormick’s room during freshman year, I needed some distance to fully appreciate it.  But it truly is great.  My favorite tracks are "Anyday" and "Little Wing".  The blast of guitar opening the former is the essence of rock power.  And even though everyone from Stevie Ray to Sting has covered Jimi’s "Little Wing", this is my favorite take (and yes, in yesterday’s piece entitled "Sit Yourself Down", I did say "Jimmy" instead of "Jimi"…I stand corrected there too).  Anyway, it has now been well documented that Duane came up with the "Layla" riff.  Although many believe he stole it from an old blues record.  But this might explain why "Layla" never quite gels in concert.  The riff just isn’t in Eric’s style.  Just like the break in "Badge" is pure George Harrison, and Eric can’t play it in the same magical descending way.

While I’ve got your attention, I’m going to cover a couple of other subjects.

I went to buy a replacement bulb for my flashlight today at Lightbulbs Unlimited on Wilshire.  When I came out, it was raining.  One of those bizarre sunshowers.  And stumbling at the end of the block was this elfin figure.  Wearing skintight pants.  And shoes with heels so high no wonder she was tottering.

I wanted to see how she would drive.  The heels were almost as big as she was.  That’s when I noticed the brand new Escalade had a driver, one of the Madden boys.  This, of course, was Nicole Richie.  She may look good in photographs, but in this sudden rainstorm, she was positively pathetic.  I guess you don’t want to get too up close and personal to fame.

"Never Stop"

You know I’ve got a Jackson Browne fixation.  And I’m not apologizing for it.  He made the best record I own, at least by my standards, "Late For The Sky".  There’s more truth in that one record than…  Fuck the analogy, I’ll just post a few of my favorite lines.

From "The Late Show":

Now to see things clear it’s hard enough I know
While you’re waiting for reality to show
Without dreaming of the perfect love
And holding it so far above
That if you stumbled onto someone real, you’d never know

That’s the essence of life.  What you find, what satisfies you, is not what you’re looking for.

"Late For The Sky":

You never knew what I loved in you
I don’t know what you loved in me
Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping I might be

That’s so creepy, I’m not even going to comment.  Except to say if you haven’t been there, you haven’t been in a relationship.

Finally, "For A Dancer":

I don’t know what happens when people die
Can’t seem to grasp it as hard as I try

I recited these lines at my father’s funeral.  I think of Tony Wilson, who would have been 58 years old Wednesday, when I write them now.

Anyway, none of these songs are on Jackson Browne’s soon to be released "Solo Acoustic, Volume 2".  But, "Never Stop", my favorite cut off his last studio album, 2002’s "The Naked Ride Home", is.

This solo acoustic take is different from the studio original.  It’s the same song, but sans the production, the focus is on the words instead of the groove.  And I always loved the groove.  Especially at this one moment, when suddenly, the song takes a left turn, when Jackson seems to get down on his knees and he sings:

Remember when you look into my eyes
I’m the one who took you by surprise
The time has come and gone and come back ’round again
And I’m still here to take you by surprise my friend

You can trade in your lover, shitcan your relationship and move on.  Repeating the same steps over again with someone new.  Or you can hang in there, through the pain, for further good times, grown out of the mutual understanding that only years together can bring.

You can’t hear this version online.  I’ll just point you to the live take on YouTube, which features Mark Goldenberg of the Cretones on guitar, but is somehow sans the magic of both the studio or live acoustic versions.  Oh, it’s good.  It’s just that if you’re not a fan, it might slip right off you:

Jackson Browne. Never Stop.

Anyway, and how many times have I said anyway in this piece anyway, I don’t like to make mistakes.  Nobody does.  But when the overwhelming feedback comes in, like an unending tsunami, I can’t stop it immediately, it takes time to send tens of thousands of e-mails, and everybody has to read the correction.  So I need to detach.  And the way I detach is to play stuff like Jackson Browne’s acoustic "Never Stop".  Because it’s got nothing to do with the economy, nothing to do with money, it’s like someone is bathing me, rubbing me ever so gently with hot oil.  I feel like I’m going to be okay.

I had a whole thing about Jimmy Iovine’s video I was going to write yesterday.  But I had to meet Lyor Cohen at the Beverly Hills Hotel.  Off the record, of course.  But I’ll say one thing, anybody who thinks that guy is stupid is plain wrong.  He’s highly intelligent.  You have to be to get that high in a worldwide organization.

But that was more about him and less about me.  This is about me.  And you.

I don’t want you to come over.  I don’t want to sit you down and play you records.  That’s unnatural.  When the sun goes down, and you’re alone, I want you to fire up your favorite record.  A quiet one.  That speaks to you.  And know what you’re feeling then…is exactly what I’m feeling now.