What a set!

And what a stupid opening number.

If you’re going to do shtick, shouldn’t you have a comedian?  Too bad Johnny Carson is six feet under. Not only have the Oscars not been the same, neither has late night TV.  Every show is a clone of Letterman’s.  All shtick and no substance.  But the Oscars are supposed to have some substance!

But we start off with the gowns.  That’s how far our country has come.  From rock and roll being the national religion to fashion.  But I guess they take more risks in fashion…

But what truly stunned me and inspired me to fire up my computer and talk to you was the incredible amount of ass-kissing on the red carpet.  Is that now the national pastime?  Kissing ass?  Forgetting truth, forgetting honesty, just giving people what the producers think they want?  No wonder this show is in the shitter.

Where’s the irreverence?  Where’s the challenge?  I’d rather watch Barack Obama give a speech or Steve Jobs give a keynote than watch this crap.  Actually, I almost didn’t watch.  They say it’s Hollywood’s biggest night.  But does Hollywood rule our nation anymore?  Would someone rather be Brad Pitt or the aforementioned Steve Jobs?  Jay-Z has more cred than anybody at this clusterfuck.

Wait a minute.  They’re giving Hugh Jackman a standing ovation.  That’s like Bono and Springsteen standing and clapping for the Jonas Brothers…

All these shout outs and ventures into the pit.  Who gives a shit!

These actors are just vessels.  Then again, Octomom wanted to be Angelina Jolie, like that’s a goal, to be surgically-enhanced and then steal someone else’s husband.

I haven’t seen Jack Nicholson yet…

This is so bad, this is stunning.

In a country ruled by the Internet, this show is made to offend no one, and as a result resonates with very few.  The religious right is intolerant of Hollywood in general and the kids would rather play Grand Theft Auto then go see "Frost/Nixon", an inaccurate rereading of a television interview.  This show is for old Hollywood, which is losing power every day.  Better off to have Kevin James come out as Paul Blart, at least he knows how to crack a joke.

I love a great movie.  "Slumdog" was amazing.  But every element of that flick, the surprise, the roller-coaster ride, has been absent from this production so far.

Then again, it’s got great train-wreck value!

Shit, it’s been almost fifteen minutes and they haven’t given out an award.  Aren’t we supposed to get Supporting Person right away to get us going?

Meanwhile, the actresses are so dieted down they’ve got no boobs in their gowns.

Wait, we’ve got the Best Supporting Actress, in a ceremony that looks out of "Star Trek".  I love Tilda Swinton, but she looks like an alien.

Boy are they stretching this out.

This is fucking terrible.  But I do like the band on stage and the audience up close and personal.

Really, my main point is this show is not written for Americans.  But some people who don’t exist.  Just like those against the stimulus package.  Who gives a shit about lowering taxes if you’ve got no income and pay none!

Just give out the fucking award.  The presentation of this Oscar is just about as boring as most Hollywood movies.  If it takes this long to give out the Best Supporting Actress Oscar, when is this show going to end, Tuesday?

And the winner is…

I’m guessing Marisa Tomei.  Because the intros for all the others were so fucking boring, and there’s been so much press about her taking off her clothes…

Wrong, Penelope Cruz.  Didn’t see that Woody Allen movie.  I remember "Annie Hall".  But I did like when Penelope dated Tom and we got Cruz and Cruise.

Good for her.

As for us?

Josh Freese

The number one forward to my inbox this week.

In case you are unaware, you can catch up here:

Former NiN Drummer Takes Album Promotion A Step Further

and many other places on the Web.

My first inclination was this was a parody of every artist now tapping his fans to make a record.  What blows my mind is all these acts need to make an album for the same price as the one they made for the major label, before they got dropped.  In a recessionary time, where technology grants so many advantages, why do you have to spend $75,000 making an album?  Probably one no one other than your hard core fans will ever listen to.  You’re just gonna strike off and do another disc, and you know you want to release it as a CD, so you can feel good about yourself, containing music just like the one on your old albums that has been rejected by most of the marketplace.  If you’re not successful, if you don’t make music most people want to buy, if you can’t generate enough income to pay for your own damn record and have to resort to begging, shouldn’t you try something different?  Kind of like that insane Bun E. Carlos/Taylor Hanson/Adam Schlesinger/James Iha supergroup?

Yes, you should make your new album for bupkes.  And, if you’re making an album, know only fans care about it.  Only fans want to hear that much music by you, casual listeners want a track.  And if your track is so damn good, then they want more, a little at a time, and maybe they might become fans.  Concentrate on one track so good that people have to talk about it.  But that would require you to break your paradigm, of being a loser/has-been.  Complaining the label won’t sign you, which really means they won’t give you money, and the Internet killed the music business.  Please, try something different.  If you’re that talented…

On the other hand, your fanbase will support you in a way no other people will.  So, to ask them for more money is not a bad idea.  But you should give value.  Asking people for $75,000 so you don’t have to live in the new paradigm, even though they do, smells of rip-off.  Whereas generating enough cash to record is not a bad idea.  But once again, how successful are you if you have to resort to begging?  If you can’t generate this income on the road or through sales of your already recorded music?  Better to sell the $150 package AFTER you’ve recorded the album.  Which, as I stated above, should be done on the cheap.

But then I thought Josh Freese’s scheme was an attempt at humor.  Is there even going to be an album?

If there is, I’ll check it out, and I’ve never checked out any music by Mr. Freese previously, because the whole construction here is so damn creative!

That’s what we’re selling, creativity.  People want something new and different.  That’s why "American Idol" is losing viewers.  People have seen it!  Adding a new judge who isn’t sure whether she’s Simon or Paula doesn’t change the paradigm.  How about a competition where people have to write their own material.  Or one solely for bands.  The lack of innovation by the producers is just as lame as the lack of creativity of the contestants.  Oops, the producers don’t want to take a risk, they just want to do it the same old way.  Just like the record labels.  And look where that got them!

Labels with their social marketing plans sign up interns and street teams to try to generate the heat of Mr. Freese’s project and are almost always unsuccessful.  If something is truly great, truly creative, truly different, Internet surfers will spread the word for you.  For free!

And come on, don’t you want to go miniature golfing with Maynard and Mark Mothersbaugh?  How did Josh come up with this shit?

The Facebook Fracas

The flip side of the Josh Freese story.  Something great is passed along instantly, but not as fast as something heinous.  Last Monday morning, a national holiday here in the States, I turn on my BlackBerry and it starts buzzing incessantly, like a know-it-all contestant on "Jeopardy".  Wasn’t I going to comment on the heinous Facebook license agreement?

The heat was all generated by a blog known as the Consumerist.  In the past, the story would have been in a print magazine and almost no one would have known.  But today, it’s a searchable/linkable site and word spreads faster than information about Paris Hilton’s latest car accident.

I didn’t bother writing because I knew Facebook would say it was a mistake by an overzealous lawyer and quash the controversy instantly.  I was amazed that pint-sized plutocrat Mark Zuckerberg was so insanely stupid as to say users should trust Facebook, that’s like trusting Dick Cheney to do the right thing when it comes to torture.  Finally, another twenty four hours passed and Facebook said it was going to change the language.  Whew!  Building the basis for a competitor every inch of the way.

And why does this matter to you?

I’ll give you an example.  A little birdie told me Sony Music is going to make all their catalog $1.29 at the iTunes Store.  Backlash will be unbelievable, variable pricing being revealed to be a joke.  In other words, heinous behavior is outed and amplified online, so you’d better think through your decisions long before they become public.

Maybe that Sony story isn’t true.  But the point remains.  The entertainment business is based on shady practices, which have never received enough traction.  Now, with Bruce Springsteen revealing Ticketmaster directed buyers to Tickets Now before cheaper tickets for his shows were sold out, Ticketmaster’s merger with Live Nation may be derailed.  Was the Tickets Now fiasco a fuck up or intentional?  Who cares!  Either way, someone made a lame decision that could cost the company dearly.

We live in a world of watchdogs.  Just waiting to police your inappropriate actions.  Beware.

Facebook’s New Terms Of Service: "We Can Do Anything We Want With Your Content. Forever."

This ain’t no clunker, this ain’t no "How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb", it certainly ain’t no "All That You Can’t Leave Behind", this is a complete return to form.  I’m stunned.

Packing for a trip, I started moving detritus around my house to make room for my suitcase and attendant belongings.  That’s when I stumbled upon an envelope from UMGD.  Ripping it open to discard the disc inside, figuring it’s going to be another developing group that I’ve got no interest in that won’t break beyond Top Forty, I was shocked to find the new U2 album inside.  Not a single, but completely finished product.  Lyric book and all.

I knew the album had leaked.  I figured that in shipping the disc to retailers, someone had ripped it and put it up online.  But I was surprised they were sending me a CD without any warning sticker affixed other than the ridiculous FBI logo on the back.

And by time I’m finished doing my first packing run-through, where I get all my shit together before I do a final check, I sit down at my computer and am confronted with 130 e-mails.  And that’s just too fucking much!  So I start surfing the Web, killing time, building my gumption.  And it’s then when I remember the U2 disc.

The opening track is "No Line On The Horizon".  But a different mix from the version on the "Spin" site.  It’s not going to convert anybody, but if you’re a fan,  you’re tapping your toe,  you’re still interested when "Magnificent" comes on.

And that’s what it truly is!

Remember when you used to come home and rip off the shrinkwrap, drop the needle in the groove, sit down on the couch and finger the album cover, letting the music wash over you?  That’s the exact experience!  This is not music made for the radio, not tweaked for Top Forty, not made as a backdrop for a video.  This is the kind of album rock that ruled in the seventies, when the music was enough.  Magnificent it is, but what is truly shocking, what is truly enrapturing, is the majesty.  It’s like Edge’s guitar represents the prince’s troops, patrolling the horizon, making sure their leader is protected.  The guitar comes in and out, reminding you that you’re safe, even though these are dangerous times.  And Bono has got none of that overbearing pomposity that has made our skin crawl throughout this decade.  He’s part of the track, in it.  Not the figurehead, but in the landscape, the Civil War drummer boy keeping the troops alert and focused.  The words you do make out don’t seem incredibly significant, but the music always comes first. Bono could be singing nonsense and this would work.  And they take enough time to stretch out.  A full 5:24.  When the song breaks down about two-thirds through, you’re surprised.  This is just when the usual band ramps up with a flourish towards the overblown finish.  The track goes on and on, but it’s not too long, you’ve enlisted, you’re now part of the army, when it’s done and the quietude descends you say to yourself…I want to play that again!

"Moment Of Surrender", track 3, has got the intro vibe of something from "Achtung Baby", a moody Wim Wenders landscape, then everybody locks into the groove, the keyboard dominates, you think you’re in a King Crimson number, the heaviness is positively seventies, Bono starts to sing, it’s like you’re listening to every English blues-influenced rock album of years gone by, none of them concerned about a single, and suddenly you think the band is not playing to impress you, but to release you from everyday life, to take you away to a place where you’re understood.  "Moment Of Surrender" is not as good as "Magnificent", but it’s far from filler.  It’s the album cut that becomes your favorite after you’ve listened to the entire record twenty times, when what’s obvious fades into the background and what was once obscured is now up close and personal.

The fourth track, "Unknown Caller", stars with one electronic note, then an ethereal keyboard comes in, then a guitar, even a hint of "Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For", but then there’s a riff!  The kind that has you bending at the waist, your gut muscles tightened, playing air guitar all the while. Listening to this cut, I can’t stop thinking about seeing the band.  This is the type of number that comes alive in concert.  You know it, you’ve played the album incessantly in anticipation of seeing the band, and when Edge rips off this explosive note, a shooting star, you’ve got your fist raised in the air, singing along!  When you see your favorite band live, you don’t care what people outside the building think, not what the "New York Times" or haters have to say, this is just for you.  Bands don’t make music for the venue, they make it for the gatekeepers, radio, reviewers, their brethren.  But "Unknown Caller" is made for devotees.

"I’ll Go Crazy If I Don’t Go Crazy Tonight" is closest to the U2 that came before.  It’s got the loping gait of the killers from "The Joshua Tree", but it’s not as compromised as the band’s recent work.  Stupid title, but this is driving music.

And then comes "Get On Your Boots".  Better in context.  But one still wonders why they chose to lead with this.  Because not only is it left field, it’s not successful on its own terms.

The sound of the CD is disappointing.  It’s thin.  The tracks will come alive on vinyl.  It sounds too compressed, whereas space would make the band sound big as opposed to tinny.  They need to overwhelm the speakers, but now they’re cramped inside.

And I stopped there.  I kept needing to write.  The same way I did when I listened to the opening cut of "Long Road Out Of Eden".  Our heroes are supposed to have lost it.  They’re supposed to trade on past glories.  They’re not supposed to be able to deliver.

So far, I still like "Achtung Baby" better.  But unlike almost all albums that come across the transom today, I want to hear this one again.  And ain’t that the experience.  Albums are for fans, they shouldn’t be grist for the mill.  And in this century, U2 seemed to be more concerned with not losing their status as best band in the world as opposed to earning it.

I give them props for delaying the release until it was ready.  But I still don’t understand leading with "Get On Your Boots", playing it at the Grammys. This ain’t the nineties, where everybody’s focused on the scene.  There’s some cohesion in the U.K., but not in the U.S.  You’re lucky if you’re noticed. And if you are, the majority of the public barely lingers, they’re on to the next thing almost immediately.  So, if you’re going to play the major game, hit them with your best shot.  Otherwise, underplay.  Let the quality of your album spread, let your fans infect their brethren.

I haven’t heard a single yet, and even if there was a catchy track, would today’s rhythm-influenced Top Fortys play it?  The album has a subversive quality, the marketing should have reflected this.  U2 should have held a rooftop concert during the Grammys, giving the middle finger to the system. The band should not be playing Letterman, where every night a new show is built and the past fades away almost instantly, they should have taken a stand online.  With no interference from the usual suspects.  Rather than engage the gatekeepers, the media morons, they should have gone right to the fans.  Letterman ain’t gonna buy a ticket to the show, but the kid in Des Moines will drive hours to attend.  And every kid has got an Internet connection and a cell phone.  Why didn’t the band utilize these in their marketing?

They needed to release the stems like Trent Reznor.  Let their fans remix the record.  Bono should show up unannounced at the home of one of their biggest fans.  Shooting video that he could put up on the band’s site.  The band should have taken a stealth approach as opposed to playing the dying game, poorly.

This ain’t no "Working On A Dream".  This ain’t no "Viva La Vida".  This is a classic seventies album.  Where it sits in the U2 pantheon?  It’s too soon to tell.  But even listening to half, I know it can’t be dismissed, discarded and forgotten.  If you’re a fan, you’re satiated.  And that’s all that matters.

Where’s the outcry from the acts?

Other than Bruce Springsteen, who’s complaining about fairness after taking a $110 million check from Sony and making a deal with Wal-Mart, I don’t hear a plethora of acts lining up against the Live Nation/Ticketmaster merger.  Shouldn’t they be up in arms?

Fuck the fans.  Yes, you heard me right.  The fans have been fucked forever, and their only avenue for equalization is to stop buying tickets.  It’s kind of like a junkie saying no to the heroin dealer.  Unless you’re willing to go cold turkey, you’ve got no power.  And the acts that can sell tickets know this.  Which is why they’re staying mum.

Those superstar acts…  Do they want to admit to the kickbacks from Ticketmaster?  Yup, those service fees…  Not only does money go to the promoter, who the act has beaten up, but to the acts themselves.  In some cases, the acts are in cahoots with Ticketmaster to scalp their own tickets.  The acts are guilty as hell, and Ticketmaster has been taking all the heat.  The acts that can sell tickets.  And that’s all we’ve got today, acts that can sell tickets and those that can’t.

Anyway, it comes down to this.  If you’re a musician, would you rather be in business with Irving Azoff or Doug Morris?  Irving or Lyor Cohen, Steve Barnett, who’s ever running the ship over there at EMI…  The labels have fucked the acts for eternity.  At least the consumer knows how much he’s paying for a ticket.  At least he can buy in ones and twos.  But the act has to make a long term deal with a label and if it ever sells any music, there will never be an accurate accounting, never mind that the lion’s share of the revenues will reside on the label’s side of the ledger.  As for the future?  The label wants more.  The label used to say they made you a star, they’re entitled to record revenue, make your money on the road.  Now they want a cut of that money to, whilst doing NOTHING for it!

And on the other side you’ve got Irving Azoff.  Who Don Henley so famously said might be satan, but at least he’s the EAGLES’ SATAN!

Ask any act.  That’s who you want on your side.  Satan.  Not someone in bed with the label, being fed acts by the company chairman, in bed with the corporation more than the talent, but someone who’ll live and die for you, who’ll take on all comers, all in the name of protecting your good name and making you tons of money.

Sure, you might say the Eagles charge a lot for tickets.  But Irving said no to the Super Bowl and gave up on fan clubs when all they rendered was fan unhappiness.  Now you buy packages directly from the act.  Not only is the act happy, getting all that revenue beyond regular ticket price, SO IS THE FAN!  The fan knows exactly what he’s buying, and in the package comes a great seat and special treatment.  EXACTLY WHAT THE FAN WANTS!

Do I think Clear Channel, er, Live Nation, and Ticketmaster should merge?  My fan hat says NO FUCKING WAY!  But I’m no longer an ignorant fan.  I’m privy to the inner workings of the sausage factory.  And even though Irving Azoff can be as trustworthy as Christopher Hitchens undergoing waterboarding, something’s got to change in this business.  The major labels and their CEOs have to be displaced.  Actually, they’re doing a good job of self-immolating.  Rather than license new technologies, they’ve seen half of their recorded music revenues EVAPORATE!  All the while making a land grab for their acts’ rights and suing the end consumer.  These guys have to go!  And who is going to replace them?

Maybe, in time, a twentysomething will round up all the developing acts and change the system, but we need a revolution now.  I hate Wal-Mart, we all do.  But under the aegis of a green initiative, the Eagles did an exclusive with the retailer and sold a shitload of product, GUARANTEED!  All the labels could do was bitch that the numbers were inaccurate, until Journey sold a ton of product, priced cheaply, and AC/DC blew out a ton more.  Point is, Irving did well by his artists.  Like I said, the consumer may not be paramount.  But if you’re on the creative side of things, Irving wins for you.  He gets Christina on every awards show known to man.  Now Jennifer Hudson.  Do you think that shit happens by accident?

And Rapino, who’s Steve Jobs light, a spinner of a reality distortion field himself, has got innovative ideas, but no power.  He wants to share gate receipts with the act, he wants to sell merch, he wants to record and sell videos.  But he just doesn’t have any acts.  Irving delivers 200+ acts with Ticketmaster/Front Line.  Who’ll now do a deal with Rapino, at arm’s length, because you know Irving never screws his clients, which is why they don’t leave him, which is why he doesn’t need contracts.  Hell, he charges 15% when so many other managers charge 20%!

If you wanted to cry the foul of monopoly, that ship sailed back in 1996, when Sillerman rolled up the concert promoters to create SFX/Clear Channel/Live Nation.  Most of the promoters took the dough.  Like today’s managers and agents.  They want the money first and foremost.  They didn’t fight the roll-up, agents/managers/acts LOVE the roll-up!  Now they get national, sometimes INTERNATIONAL guarantees, for the lion’s share of the money!  As far as crying about the lack of competition, there was never a pocket this deep!

And if Live Nation is so heinous, why did U2, savior of the world, with an equitable image to a fault, make a deal with the concert promoter? Believe me, without Live Nation’s deep pockets, U2 wouldn’t be doing a stadium tour in the U.S. this summer.  Their last stadium tour TANKED! But now they’ve got that Live Nation safety net…

As for rival managers…  Kwatinetz imploded, Terry seems to be eager to invest more time on the yoga tip, Cliff Burnstein does not seem desirous of being a world-dominating world-beater and Coran Capshaw wants this ubiquity/power, but so far he’s only been able to lock up one superstar, the Dave Matthews Band.  So, the management ship sailed too.  Irving wasn’t the only one who could roll up the acts in theory, but he was the only one who could do it as a practical matter, because the managers he made deals with and their charges BELIEVE in Irving.

We can categorize Irving’s faults all day long.  But he wants change.  He wants the artist in power.  Are we gonna give him the ball or are we gonna continue to live in Doug Morris’ world, where the acts are serfs, paid in lip service, and forgotten as soon as their recorded music sales start to stall?  Come on.  Get off your high fucking horse.  Consolidation occurred years ago.  Sure, the Live Nation/Ticketmaster merger gives too much power to too few people and marginalizes a lot of competitors…  But haven’t these competitors marginalized themselves already?  Not only the labels, but so many of the managers?

We need change.  We’re only gonna get it by taking big steps.  Emotionally, the Live Nation/Ticketmaster is a no-go.  But intellectually, it’s our best way out.  Only by stealing power from the major labels, only by giving the acts control of their own one stop shop, which they’ll have with Irving protecting them, can we make equitable progress.

As for the fans?  You’re the ones keeping the secondary market alive.  You’re the ones paying hundreds of dollars to sit up close.  Sure, Tickets Now is owned by Ticketmaster, but StubHub is not.  I don’t see you boycotting either if you truly want to go to the show.

We’ve got major problems in the music business.  First and foremost, the lack of traction for developing acts.  Does Irving truly care about developing acts?  I don’t think so.  There’s not enough money to be made.  So, independents, much younger than Irving, can develop the acts of tomorrow and change the paradigm.  But wouldn’t it be great if the acts were in control?  If talent ruled?

This merger is a closer step to that than you can ever imagine.

Sure, Live Nation controls a certain number of venues.  Sure, Ticketmaster does 80% of the ticketing.  But we’ve learned through Live Nation’s ticketing fiasco, that despite the act-inspired ticket fees, Ticketmaster does a better job of distributing tickets than anybody else.  Maybe they’ll come up with an auction system, that eviscerates the secondary market.  In order for this to happen, you need an artists’ representative in power. And that’s Irving.

I’m not drinking the kool-aid, I’m just being practical.  Sure, people shouldn’t be allowed to steal music on the Internet, but they did.  The whole industry fought this piracy for a decade to no avail.  Now we’re going to fight the Live Nation/Ticketmaster merger in the name of protecting… Exactly what?  The independent promoter?  Who’s almost history, except for a couple of indie giants like JAM and Seth Hurwitz’s operation?  The power of the labels,  who’ve helped kill this business?  The managers who lost their clients to Front Line?

Come on.  Stop dreaming.  This is a dirty, ugly business.  It needs change.  Sure, Live Nation and Ticketmaster are merging primarily to raise their stock prices, but there are synergies.  And we need hope.  I’d like to believe this merger can benefit this industry rather than face another decade of internal squabbling, which will continue to leave the customer disenfranchised.