What an asshole.

You can make your own decision who was victorious, I’m sure clips will surface on YouTube.  But what stunned me was who this guy was.  I truly believed he had another, more human side underneath, that maybe he could let down his guard and laugh at himself.  I was wrong.

Whether it be the endless recitation of KISS kronology, or shilling for his venture with Universal Music Canada, not only did Gene continue to sell, he did it in the meanest, most underhanded fashion possible.  Proving the old saw if you just met your hero, he wouldn’t be one anymore.

Not that Gene’s my hero.  But others believe in him.  What a mistake.  At least homey don’t play that no more.  You truly have to befriend your fans today, treat them civilly, not like you were born on the mountaintop and you’re making sure no one else can join you there.

I’d like to tell you our debate was an endless discussion of the issues.  Instead, it was constant put-downs of me…  My name, my appearance, my experience, my mother.  I can handle it, but the relentlessness and the refusal to lighten up completely stunned me.  Asshole wouldn’t even shake my hand at the end, disappeared like the weasel he truly is.

I arose to greet him when he took the stage, but alas, he had to insult my name before sticking out his hand, which he never did by the way.  I just sat back down, stunned that someone could be so vicious.  Dick Cheney’s got nothing on Gene Simmons.

Who’s lost in the seventies.  Wants to generate success for his charges by getting them an opening slot on a tour and a reality TV show.  Like anybody cares about the opening acts anyway.  As for reality television, where are O-Town and Danity Kane these days?

Gene couldn’t come up with one record business success other than "discovering" Van Halen, who, of course, ended up signing with Warner Brothers.

As for his own solo album?  He showed a tiny hint of humility here, the only one in the whole damn show.  He said the song wasn’t good enough and his label was folding, said he needed someone to watch over him.

As for the next KISS album?  He’s gonna sell that via a big box retailer.  So the old model, actually, the new 360 model, suffices for his charges, the act gets screwed up the wazoo, and the take the cash and run deal, for music only, works for KISS.  If that doesn’t illustrate the disparity between the old guard and the new in the music industry, I don’t know what will.

KISS will continue to tour.  Gene will concoct whatever circus is necessary to put asses in the seats.  Whether it be another reunion or an execution on stage.  But the band will still be way past its prime, will still be has-beens, will still garner no respect in the world of music.  The reason being primarily Gene himself.  Such a hateable guy is going to find it impossible to garner any respect.

Furthermore, Gene doesn’t seem to realize the Internet allows the public to fight back.  The stories filling up my inbox would make Gene cry.  But just watch this one for illustration.  The fireworks reach a frenzy at 1:48: KISS Paul and Gene Interview Excerpt

Last night at dinner, Neill Dixon, majordomo of CMW, asked me if I was willing to debate Gene Simmons.  I said SURE!

I awoke to the following e-mail:

"Hey Bob,

Apparently Gene is willing to do this, I have the Ballroom ready to go at 6pm today Friday – are you still good to do this?

Neill"

After answering:

"Yes, I am in.

6 in the Ballroom."

I got the following e-mail from Neill…

"Great! 6pm was too late for
Gene’s schedule, so we are trying for 4pm in Ballroom,
I am trying to juggle things around"

And while I’m taking a shower, I’m wondering…  Is Gene trying to weasel out of this?  Does he only play on his own terms?  Is he a control freak?

I’m not saying we’re gonna disagree on everything.  I respect the fact that KISS made it, it’s an almost impossible feat.  But what’s up with the record company?  And why in Canada?  Could he not get the money in the U.S?  Why put an extra barrier between you and the bucks?  Why start a taco stand in Tierra del Fuego when you can open one in the Lower 48?

And why start a record company at all?  Shouldn’t you be a manager, participating in all streams of revenue on a straight 15% basis?  Did Irving Azoff become the most powerful man in the music business by running a label?

And if you keep remaking your acts, changing their names, their hair, their members and their music do you strip out all originality, the reason people are attracted in the first place?

We’re in an era of revolution.  Is Gene bearing arms and tearing down doors or fortifying the decrepit castle against the upstarts?

It’s a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll.  Hell, all those Aussie bands are fantastic because they’ve had to hone their chops live, playing in shitholes around their island country again and again, needing to impress the limited population to the point where they’re such great performers, they kill in the rest of the world.  If you put together a cookie-cutter act, aren’t you doomed to limited success at best?  Can Gene Simmons truly make a star, or does one have to be honed over a decade, too long for the silver-tongued devil to cash in and cash out.

For too long, success in music has been about smoke and mirrors.  With the strings pulled by Oz-like figures who don’t account accurately and end up with all the money.  Now it’s about the acts, not the labels.  As for the money?  You don’t get that from a bank, interest is too high, the institutions are run by thieves.  You get your cash from the public, people who believe in you and will give you their every last dollar on your road to success.  They don’t want to rip you off, they only want to revel in your success, bask in your reflected glory.

Then again, your performances have got to kill.  And your music has got to be great.  Artifice? Isn’t that something you do online with Photoshop?

This just in from Neill Dixon:

"Just waiting on Gene’s final blessing this morning.  He was in last night, just want to re-confirm.

Stay tuned."

We’ll see!

You get up every morning
From your alarm clock’s warning_
Take the 8:15 into the city

When you play Guitar Hero and it’s a song that you particularly feel, like Santana’s "Black Magic Woman", when you hit those notes Carlos plays with such sustain you grab the body of your plastic guitar with two hands and shake it, the same way I saw Jimi Hendrix do it at the Bushnell back in ’68.  I never got good enough on the real thing to know exactly what’s happening, but when the stars do this the sound changes, it’s a triumphant moment exceeding any gold medal performance.

And that’s one of my favorite Guitar Hero moments.  "Black Magic Woman" is the song I play again and again, even though I’ve conquered it.  Even though I was never enamored of the track back in the seventies, when I play it on Guitar Hero and I hit the rave-up, I become one with my plastic Les Paul, I channel every gig I ever went to, I embody all the greatness of rock and roll.

So I’m at this awards show this evening.  Sitting next to Denise Donlon, I saw the sparkle in her eyes when she talked about her days at Much Music, the Canadian MTV.  Denise was there to induct one of her VJ cohorts into the Hall of Fame, John Roberts, presently featured on CNN.  He used to wear the silver pants, he used to romp with the Police and the Who.  That’s what we did in the eighties, we played through the entire decade, it was one big victory lap for music.  We were all tuned into music television, music was no longer a sad stepsister, but the driver of popular culture, oh what fabulous days those were.

But they didn’t compare to the seventies, never mind the sixties.  Before the whole world was watching, everybody under the age of 25 was.  Not only was the music the soundtrack to our lives, it WAS our lives.  The deejay was your best friend, emanating from the station, the clubhouse that existed on your prized possession known as your radio.  I owned multiple receivers, but not a single TV.  You didn’t need TV, you got everything you needed on the radio. Music and the news you required.  And we all had our favorites from that era, but we even heard the losers enough that they’re now embedded in our DNA.

And I won’t call BTO a loser, but I wouldn’t have called myself a fan way back when.

I liked them a bit better when they were known as the Guess Who.  And tonight Randy Bachman did an acoustic version of "These Eyes", which I remember Judd Magilnick singing in math class when we were studying imaginary numbers ("These i’s!").

And after playing a few more sixties numbers, in honor of another Hall of Fame honoree, DJ Chuck McCoy, Randy shucked the acoustic, called out a bevy of players with electric instruments and strapped on a Les Paul.

He told a wild story regarding the inspiration for "Let It Ride".  About American big rig drivers boxing the band in on the highway, and when ultimately confronted, one of the harassing drivers told the band to "let it ride".

Ah, the tiniest sparks generate the most heat, inspiration comes when you’re not searching for it.

But Randy didn’t sing the original verses, and tonight’s rendition suffered.

But "You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet" did not.  God, Randy stuttered just like on the record, after telling us it was an outtake that an A&R exec insisted be stripped onto the record.  But what truly stunned me was the guitar work.  There were two young players on stage, but they were not stand-ins, they didn’t play the leads, RANDY DID!

And I’m being brought back to all those Bar Mitzvah parties, featuring bands with royal names like "The Valiants".  They’d seen the Beatles, picked up guitars and sans auto-tune or backup on hard drive rendered faithful versions of the hits of the day.  Everybody had a guitar.  You wanted to participate.  Sure, you wanted to be famous, you wanted to be a Beatle, but no one doubted you had to learn how to PLAY!

And then it appeared Randy was done.

YOU’RE KIDDING ME!  YOU’RE NOT GOING TO PLAY TCB?

That’s "Takin’ Care Of Business" to you.  A song that was such a radio staple, prior to "Free Bird" it might have been the most played track on radio, eclipsing even "Stairway To Heaven", hell, they even played "Takin’ Care Of Business" on AM!

After a few beats, Randy hit the riff, and a jolt went through my body akin to stripping decades from my life and jetting me right back to way back when.

Then he stopped.

But then he got ANOTHER gold Les Paul, started again and positively WAILED!

He’d done the song a million times, but he’d earned the right.  You know how hard it is to have a hit?  And Randy Bachman has had more than one.  He might look a bit worse for wear, but he doesn’t need plastic surgery, because when he straps on that axe and plays that classic material he’s younger than everybody on the hit parade.

He’s pulling out notes, he’s holding on to the body of the guitar with two hands and shaking it, just like I do when I play Guitar Hero.  He was playing ROCK AND ROLL!

We lived through something.  I’m not saying it can never come back.  But it’s certainly gone. Music ruled the world.  There was nothing fake about it.  If you got a second hand guitar you could go mighty far if you fell in with the right bunch of fellows.  Actually, the second hand instruments sounded better than those that were brand new!

Those labels lamenting their decline…  They were built on the backs of people like Randy Bachman.  Who, without guaranteed incomes, worked in basements, in shitholes perfecting a sound so magical that it infected the world’s youth.  Radio just had to spin this shit and the audience arrived in droves.  Talk radio was for pussies.  Music was what it was all about.

You could pick up a guitar, and if you were good enough, you could get laid, get rich and be famous all at once.  Not needing to compromise whatsoever.  Actually, it was your renegade spirit that drew listeners to you.  In a world where the man was telling you how to do it, you could chart your own course, and WIN!

If the golden era comes back, it will be on the backs of players giving the middle finger to not only record labels, but "Grey’s Anatomy" and the Fortune 500 corporations trying to ride on their shoulders.  Music, when done right, is enough.

But you’ve got to take care of business.  You’ve got to practice, you’ve got to write.  Hell, by time "Takin’ Care Of Business" hit Randy Bachman had already jettisoned his first band, had already made an album that had not broken through with BTO.  But hanging in there, believing in himself, with a supportive manager as opposed to a naysayer in bed with his buddies at the label, Randy and his new mates suddenly struck gold.  Success that is still paying dividends today.  Bear Stearns might have gone broke, but radio stations are still playing and paying for Bachman Turner Overdrive tracks to this day.

Great music is timeless.  It survives.  People get old, a pretty face does not last forever, but a killer track, it’s forever young, forever fulfilling, hearing it one more time makes your life complete.  Like tonight.

From: Gene Simmons
Subject: Re: Gene Simmons
Date: March 12, 2009 3:25:07 PM EDT (CA)
To: Telma.Costa@umusic.com
Cc: Bob Lefsetz

Telma,

I’m cc-ing whoever this Lefsetz guy is.

Post on cover of SIMMONS RECORDS.COM.

And, if you can find a foto of this bozo, put it up there as well.

____________________________________

Begin forwarded message:
From: Bob Lefsetz

Before we start this review of my Keynote Speech at CMS from a guy who’s blog was forwarded to me, I’m going to take the liberty of telling everyone I’m going to comment as we go along.

First, the name LEFSETZ.  I would tell him to his face.  That name’s gotta go.  It blows. If this guy was in a band and wanted to sign with us, he’d have to change his name. Or, sign with someone else.
Otherwise, have no clue who this fellow is or what he does.
Let’s see…..

"Imagine you’re stranded on a desert island and you stumble upon a member of the opposite sex.  You’re thrilled!  You’re gonna have someone to talk to, you’re gonna make love until the Coast Guard finally figures out your ship sank and rescues you.

And this person may not be a beauty queen, but hey, he or she is all right.  At least that’s what you think at first.  Maybe you even have sex and forget your plight for a moment or two.  But then, even though you’re exhausted, your partner just won’t give up.  Insists on having sex every hour, being coddled, all the while telling you how fucking hot they are.  It would almost be enough to get you to jump back into the water and swim to your death.

That’s what listening to Gene Simmons is like."

THANK YOU.

"He’s not a dumb dude."

THANK YOU.

"But it’s a full time commercial."

CORRECT.

"And why?  Doesn’t he have enough money?"

WELL, RESPECTFULLY, IT’S NOT UP TO THIS AMATEUR TO DETERMINE IF I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.  I’LL LET HIM KNOW IF AND WHEN I DO. UNTIL THAT TIME, IT’S BEST TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN MONEY.

"Isn’t this like an ex-President buying time on television to give us his opinion on the budget?  Running for an office he can’t be elected to? Hey Gene, you were a star once, can you let it go?  Can you stop trying to convince us that not only is your music great, but that KISS is the biggest act in the world?"

NO.

"I mean if we really want to get down to it, don’t we have to give credit to Bob Ezrin?"

YES. ALWAYS.

"The producer of "Destroyer", containing the KISS klassics "Detroit Rock City", "Shout It Out Loud" and the band’s biggest hit, "Beth"?  Not only did Ezrin produce those tracks, HE CO-WROTE THEM!  I’m thinking without Ezrin, KISS is a footnote."

PERHAPS.
OH, I FORGOT TO MENTION, KISS STARTS THE SOUTH AMERICAN LEG OF THE 35TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR AT BUENOS AIRES STADIUM – 90,000 PEOPLE. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT A TICKET.

"Ezrin went on to further greatness, producing one of the biggest albums of all time, Pink Floyd’s "The Wall", as well as the critically lauded debut of Peter Gabriel.  KISS?  They took the makeup off and put it back on, reunited with the original members, kicked them out again and kept dunning us with endless product promotions."

ALL OF THIS IS TRUE. AND YOUR POINT IS…"?

"And that’s what this "keynote" address at CMW was.  A product promotion, for the latest iteration of Simmons Records."

CORRECT.
I HAVE A FIDUCIARY DUTY TO UNIVERSAL MUSIC CANADA AND I HAVE A VESTED INTEREST IN SIMMONS RECORDS. TO DO OTHERWISE AT CMW, WOULD BE STUPID. I KNOW HE’S NOT INFERRING I’M STUPID. QUITE THE CONTRARY.

"Just because you’re a big musical act, that doesn’t mean  you’re a decent executive, that you can run a record company."

SAYS WHO. YOU? AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MAKE THESE ASSESSMENTS. WHAT’S YOUR QUALIFICATION, IN FACT, FOR SAYING ANYTHING…

"That’s like saying a great football coach has to have been a star quarterback.  They’re different skills.  One that Mr. Simmons has yet to master.  Sure, he made that demo tape with Van Halen, but the band ended up on WARNER BROTHERS!"

THIS MORON DOESN’T KNOW DETAILS AND BEHAVES AS IF HE DOES. FACT ONE: AFTER SEEING THE BAND AT THE STARWOOD CLUB IN LA IN 1977, I SIGNED VAN HALEN TO MY PRODUCTION COMPANY, "MAN OF 1,000 FACES" AND PRODUCED THEIR 24 TRACK DEMO, 15 SONG DEMO AT ELECTRIC LADY STUDIOS.  KISS WAS GOING OUT ON TOUR, AND I DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP VAN HALEN TIED UP, SO I LET THEM SHOP THEIR OWN DEAL, WITHOUT INSISTING I KEEP A SLICE.  
WHAT HIS POINT ABOUT ALL THIS, IS BEYOND ME.

"Truly, it was relentless.  Gene with that bizarre hairdo sponsored by Brillo"

NOW, NOW…NO NEED TO BE JEALOUS, BABY.
JUST BECAUSE I REMEMBER YOUR MOMMY BACKSTAGE AND THEN AT THE HOTEL IS NO REASON TO BE ENVIOUS OF MY GOOD LOOKS.

"maintaining that 360 deals are good for artists and that Canada can be the new Ireland."

CORRECT. I "DO" BELIEVE CANADA POSSESSES ALL THAT.

"U2 came from Ireland, what does that country possess that Canada does not?  Isn’t that like saying Mutt Lange came from Rhodesia, therefore Lithuania should be able to produce the best record producer on the planet?"

NO. NOT REALLY. AND, I’M NOT SURE ANYONE READING THIS HAS A CLUE WHAT THE RHODESIA/LITHUANIA THING MEANS.  

"Really, it didn’t have to be 2009, it could have been 1009.  With a huckster up on stage, trying to convince us to buy from him".

NOPE. NEVER SAID YOU SHOULD BUY FROM ME. DON’T LIE, HONEY.

"Sure, there’s salesmanship involved in becoming a successful musical act, but that’s not ninety percent of the equation."

SAYS WHO, BITCH. YOU?  AND, WHAT’S THE NAME OF YOUR BAND. AND WHAT’S YOUR QUALIFICATION FOR SAYING OR DOING ANYTHING?

"But with KISS, it is!  The music is just the vehicle to make money.  I don’t excoriate this, I just don’t REVERE IT!"

NO PROBLEM. GO FIND ANOTHER BAND.

"Gene showed a five minute promotional film that was such an assault, the guy in front of me put his hands over his ears."

I THINK YOU MISUNDERSTOOD.  THAT WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. AND YOU WERE TALKING TOO LOUD.  SHE WANTED TO SEE AND HEAR GENE SIMMONS. NOT YOU.

"Didn’t Pete Townshend sing "A Little Is Enough"?  Obviously, Gene’s never heard that track, otherwise he would stop telling us how great he is and let us come to our own conclusion."

NO. I WON’T STOP TELLING YOU HOW GREAT I AM.  FIND SOMEONE ELSE FOR THAT.

"It was sad."

NO, IT WASN’T.  EVERYONE HAD A GREAT TIME AND EVERYONE ENJOYED THEMSELVES.

"Although Gene paid lip service to the Internet, it was like he wanted to jet back to the seventies, when the label was king, when record companies were flush with cash that they’d blow on a bunch of new acts."

THAT’S TRUE. I WANT RECORD COMPANIES TO BECOME POWERFUL AND FLUSH WITH MONEY AGAIN. I WANT BANDS TO REALIZE THAT ANY ENTITY THAT GIVES THEM MONEY (ADVANCES) AND NEVER FORCES THEM TO PAY THE RECORD COMPANY BACK, WHEN AND IF THEIR RECORD BOMBS (AND THEY ALMOST ALWAYS DO), IS THEIR BEST FRIEND. I KNOW OF NO OTHER BUSINESS THAT GIVES YOU MONEY AND NEVER ASKS FOR IT BACK. EVEN YOUR MOM WILL WANT YOU TO PAY BACK HER LOAN.

"Those days are through.  Shit, imagine trying to get money from Simmons’ company.  That’d be like sucking quarters from a parking meter. Gene’s notorious for not parting with his own money.  Shit, I’m stunned he doesn’t require new acts to pay HIM to be signed!"

THIS IS A SMALL PERSON, WHO’S NEVER DONE ANYTHING,  NEVER BEEN IN A BAND AND DOESN’T KNOW HOW THE RECORD INDUSTRY WORKS. HE DOESN’T KNOW ME AND I DON’T KNOW HIM.  AND HE WOULDN’T KNOW, IN EITHER CASE IF I "DO" OR "DON’T" PART WITH MY MONEY. AND IN ANY CASE, IT WOULDN’T BE HIS BUSINESS, OR MY GARBAGE COLLECTOR’S.

"I only went because the last couple of times Gene’s spoken he has said some truly heinous things, blasting the audience, that he told us today to respect, for stealing his music.  I figured he’d come out with a few clunkers that would crack you up.

But all I got was a damn advertisement."

THAT’S CORRECT.
I AM ADVERTISING SIMMONS RECORDS. THAT’S WHY I’M UP HERE TALKING ABOUT IT. THIS GUY IS A GENIUS.
AND I STILL CONSIDER FREE DOWNLOADS AND FILE SHARING STEALING. AND I WANT YOU TO PAY FOR MUSIC…AND FOR ANYTHING.  IF A BAND WANTS TO GIVE AWAY THEIR STUFF FOR FREE…I HAVE NO PROBLEM. MY ONLY QUESTION IS, HOW DOES THE RECORD COMPANY, WHICH PAID GOOD MONEY UP FRONT, GET ITS MONEY BACK, IF THE MUSIC IS FREE"?

"I know Gene loves that I’m writing this."

SURE. I LOVE ANYONE WHO TALKS ABOUT ME.

"Almost to the point where I considered not writing about his speech at all.  But I’ve got to.  Because in order for music to ascend to its rightful position at the top of popular culture’s leader board,"

(I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS LEADER OF POPULAR CULTURE TO TELL ME HOW TO POSITION THINGS).

"it’s got to be more about its intrinsic value than the sell."

YES, AND NO.  IT "SHOULD" BE ABOUT MUSIC, BUT IT’S ALSO GOT TO BE ABOUT BUSINESS. IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, IT WAS NEVER JUST CALLED "MUSIC." IT WAS, AND STILL IS CALLED THE "MUSIC BUSINESS."

"It’s got to be more about music than showmanship.  It’s got to be more about creativity than expediency."

NO. HES GOT IT ALMOST RIGHT.  IT’S GOT TO BE ABOUT BOTH.

"KISS had a gimmick.  It’s served the band well.  A gimmick can get you noticed, but soon thereafter it becomes about the music.  KISS took off its makeup and few cared."

HE’S RIGHT. ABOUT 10 MILLION.

"The Beatles gave up their suits, messed with their hair, even gave up playing live and the band got bigger and bigger."

I LOVE THE ANALOGY. KISS AND THE BEATLES.  THANKS.

"The problem is, Gene Simmons thinks there’s a handbook."

YES. MY HANDBOOK.

"Listening to him is like watching a bad version of "Glengarry Glen Ross"."

NO. NOT REALLY. I DIDN’T LIKE THAT FILM MUCH.  I’M MUCH MORE FASCINATED BY ME.

"It’s like going to a training session for Kirby vacuum salesmen.  It’s always interesting to hear how another person made it, but if you want to be successful in the future, you’re better off ignoring everything Gene Simmons has to say."

THIS STATEMENT MADE BY A GUY WHO’S STILL LIVING IN HIS MOTHER’S BASEMENT.

"Unless, of course, you love money more than music."

ACTUALLY, I LOVE BOTH MONEY AND MUSIC.

"But since you’re reading this, I doubt that…"

GOOD LUCK TO THIS GUY.
WE LOVE HEARING THE GOOD AND THE BAD.

AND WE HOPE YOU GET OUT OF MOM’S BASEMENT SOON.