Huh? What’s that? And why is this important to me?

I’ll speak English. webOS is Palm. Which failed in its last iteration as a handset manufacturer and ran HP’s tablet until today, when both were killed.

The reason this is important is because in tech, we’ve only got one winner. Everybody gravitates to one platform and the rest die or are marginalized.

But what about Android you say?

Android was helped by a quirk of fate. The unavailability of the iPhone on carriers other than AT&T. It filled a niche which is slowly evaporating, look at today’s report showing the decline of Android at Verizon, the provider that championed the service:

Verizon’s Android share declines significantly following iPhone 4 for Verizon launch

Sure, Android’s free to the manufacturer, but every device is different and there’s no oversight of app quality and iOS is just safer and easier to use, never mind the fact you can get your questions answered at the Genius Bar, don’t underestimate the power of customer service.

But what’s fascinating is computer hardware has turned into the entertainment business. Where hits and failures are determined overnight. Takes only a weekend to know if a movie’s gonna make it, really only a day, and not a whole hell of a lot longer when it comes to music. Hell, HP’s TouchPad was only introduced this summer!

So this means we’re gonna have one streaming service in America. Just like there’s only one iTunes and one iPod and one iPad. Sure, those three are Apple products, but Apple learned it’s not so much about being first as being right, because you depend on your customers to sell your product, and word of mouth online is instant.

And people know if your album is good or bad just that fast.

Despite all the buzz on the Jay-Z/Kanye album, all the reports of digital sales, reviews have been lukewarm, it won’t have the staying power of Adele’s "21". Sure, it will support a tour, but could it be in stadiums, like the country artists?

Yes, it turns out despite the killing of rock and roll radio stations we live in a rock and roll world. That’s the sound of America. Not only of classic rock, but today’s country music. They might throw in a banjo or a fiddle, if you listen real hard you might find country roots, but today’s country music is really yesterday’s rock and roll. And country dominates. Hell, that woman in Sugarland was a rocker before she went country.

The point is don’t listen to the press. Top Forty is a sexy story, but if you think Katy Perry has one tenth of the staying power of Tayor Swift, you’re myopic. And Kenny Chesney’s hit radio days may be running on fumes, he doesn’t dominate like he used to, but he can still sell tickets, in stadia.

So if you want to go for domination, play rock. Call it country, whatever you want, but feature those guitars and a big chorus and go for it.

If you’re playing any other kind of music, you’re niche.

But that does not mean you’re dead. You can grow. Even though you might hit a wall. Because people might only buy one phone, but they’ll enjoy multiple kinds of music.

But if you’re playing for all the marbles, if you’re all in, employing the monster hype, you’re either gonna succeed or fail, and odds are you’re gonna tank.

No one’s gonna be talking about Jeff Bridges’s album a month from now. Hell, they won’t even be talking about it a week from now, except to report the anemic sales number which will immediately deflate to zero.

You’ve got to be in it for the long haul. Nobody’s gonna create apps for the dead HP TouchPad and nobody wants to follow an act that isn’t spreading roots. And you’ve got to be great. The HP tablet was really good, but it wasn’t as great as the iPad.

Are you as great as the iPad? Are you undeniable?

If not, you’re not going to dominate, sorry.

‘Conan’ Falls Flat in Season 1

You can’t be mainstream in an indie backwater.

Few remember Zach Galifianakis had a late night show on VH1. I’d like to tell you it was good, that not only did it live up to the hype, but it’s a buried treasure, something you must seek out, like "Freaks and Geeks". But it was forgettable.

And from there Zach walked into the wilderness. Known as comedy clubs and late night pay cable, where he was on some touring expedition on Showtime that was so dry and boring, so poorly executed, no one could shine.

Then he did "The Hangover". Talent meets opportunity. Zach didn’t have to carry the whole show. And he triumphed, Zach’s a star, lovable now as opposed to hated as he was back then. Furthermore, he takes risks. Not only did he toke up on Bill Maher’s HBO political talkfest, he rendered the single best joke I’ve heard all year:

"I wear a lot of Axe body spray, but I live in a black neighborhood. Over there, they call it Ask body spray. If you don’t get that joke, then you’re not racist."

Zach’s making it on his talent, he’s not lost his outsider identity, and we love him for it.

Whereas Conan O’Brien always wanted to be accepted. Kind of like going to Harvard, you jump through the hoops while winking, saying you don’t really take it seriously, but you do.

That’s what the late night wars are all about. An establishment game played by ancient men generating so much money that ancient newspapers write about it.

But late night ratings have been nosediving, ever since Jay Leno came back.

Yes, you might think Jay’s a prick, but Conan didn’t have the ratings, he was never going to survive.

So if Conan had been Zach, he would have found his own level.

Actually, for a while, he did, he went on tour to the faithful.

But then he came back and signed a bizarre face-saving deal at TBS that was doomed from the outset. You don’t succeed by entering a dying arena and playing Poughkeepsie instead of NYC. This is like Dr. Luke taking his productions to Active Rock. Better yet, it’s like Tila Tequila playing the Gathering of the Juggalos. Everybody thinks they transcend boundaries, that if they’ve gotten mainstream press they’ve made it. But the true story is almost no one’s a star, and your only way of ascending is to be true to yourself and play by your own rules.

If you play solo acoustic guitar, you probably shouldn’t be playing arenas.

And just because you sold out an arena once, that doesn’t mean people care next week, can you say JONAS BROTHERS?

Is there anybody who thought this would work? Is there anybody who truly thinks Conan is a star? He’s the kid in math class who cracks you up, but he’s too tied to the old world to truly make it, he plays with a net.

Maybe a Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog movie, that was the funniest bit ever on Conan’s show. Albeit created by someone else. It was dangerous. Have you ever seen the Bon Jovi segment?

Triumph the insult comic dog – bon jovi

Conan needed to remain in the wilderness, he needed to let us find him, he needed to fine-tune his act, focus only on that which is truly him, like Dylan after his motorcycle accident.

If you make Top Forty music, your only venue is Top Forty radio stations. Without airplay there, you’re nowhere.

Conan off network is like Derek Jeter playing in the minor leagues, then again, Conan never had the triumphs of the Yankee superstar.

The mainstream is dying. The niches are triumphing.

But there’s no nexus. You’re either in one land or the other.

Conan’s a smart guy, I’m surprised he didn’t know this.

"21" is "Hotel California", it’s "Rumours", it’s "Jagged Little Pill", we’re still at the beginning, most people still don’t know who Adele is, this album’s gonna sell and sell and sell. Because of its quality, because of its authenticity, because of its humanity.

This was the hottest ticket of the summer. Sold paperless, it was like squeezing Shaquille O’Neal into a Smart car, demand far outstripped supply, the vibe was palpable, this was an event.

But it was unlike that which is publicized, that which is pre-sold, with a trailer revealing all the best moments. This concert existed outside the mainstream, you had to be there, which is what made it so special. It wasn’t about the dancing, wasn’t about the production, it was about the music. And in the Top Forty/mainstream world it hasn’t been about the music in a very long time.

It’s been about brands, about beats, about artifice, about money more than art. And the public knows this, which is why the mainstream has become a backwater, which is why as big as you think Adele is many people have still not heard "21". Many believe the days of music touching souls is done, but when they hear "Turning Tables" they’re reminded of an era when music was the most powerful art form, when a record rode shotgun, accompanied you through life, was a companion making every day just a little bit easier.

For far too long, music has been a communal experience. To be listened to in da club, with your buddies, an ingredient but not the main course. But "21" is positively personal, all you need is it and you. That’s enough. And to hear an album like this live is to have a peak experience. Like a phone call from your best camp friend, like a clean full body scan after you’ve recovered from cancer, it’s thrilling, makes your heart palpitate, makes you feel so lucky to be alive.

This is not "American Idol", it’s not "X Factor", it’s certainly not "The Voice". The contestants on those shows are two-dimensional, whereas Adele is fully-rounded, she can step off the screen and be your best friend. That’s what all the women said after the show, they wanted to hang with her. Because Adele evidenced what all of today’s stars do not, a personality. She laughed, she swore, she engaged, it was like the most popular girl from school stopped by to sing a few songs, and she was only interested in you. Strip the show of its music, just leave the patter, and it was still a 10. How was she so relaxed, how was she so honest?

First of all she’s young. That’s what struck me. She was a twentysomething with an unlined face. And she’s no longer fat. But she does not look like anyone else. Somehow the Brits have got this down. It’s like Adele’s fashion sense got stuck in the sixties. It’s not about appearing hip, but elegant. Like you’re going to a cocktail party as opposed to the mall. The look creates its own context, evidences respect, for the music, the audience and the art form.

She sang everything you wanted to hear. "Turning Tables" was the peak. But the surprise was "If It Hadn’t Been For Love", the cover that is tacked on to "21" as a bonus track. The genre-hopping was mindbending. Today everybody just does one thing. The demonstration of range was staggering. "Rumour Has It" was infectious. "Set Fire To The Rain" was a conflagration. In an era where people cherry-pick the hits, everybody knew the album cuts, like multiplication tables, they sang along without thinking.

And if you think I’m not conveying exactly what it was like to be there, you’re right. That’s the essence of a great show, you can’t really describe it, you had to be there.

It’ll be eons before you can see Adele in such an intimate venue again. We knew it was something special. We knew we were witnessing a rebirth of what once was. An era when music stood apart from the rest of media, but ruled all the other art forms like a baron.

P.S. She said that half her hair was a wig. When Kim Kardashian won’t admit to plastic surgery, when Christina Aguilera gets boob implants, feeling inadequate despite the level of her stardom, the honesty was not only refreshing, it bonded you to her, especially in an era where everybody famous, from politicians to sports stars to entertainers, lies.

P.P.S. She told the story of her best friend. How she stalked her and at first Adele was reluctant to commit. Then they fell out. Then, years later Adele called her on New Year’s Eve and they’re best friends again. That’s life, not Bentleys, private jets and vacations in exotic locations excluding the hoi polloi.

P.P.P.S. She kept having the house lights turned on. Asking the attendees if they’d ever paraglided, all kinds of crazy shit. Usually there’s a wall between performer and audience. That was obliterated last night. I want to see her again just to ensure she doesn’t do the same raps every night. It seemed so off the cuff, just for the moment.

P.P.P.P.S. Before performing a cover of "Lovesong", she went on to say what a Cure fanatic her mother was, taking her to a gig when she was barely out of diapers. Maybe it’s not about getting your kid into the right school, but making sure they have the right experiences.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Yes, most of "21" was about her ex. And everybody knows this. She referenced him again and again. And at one point, the audience groaned and expressed sympathy and after saying she was over it, she was okay, Adele said: "I’M PLAYING THE GREEK THEATRE, WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?" How can you not love someone like this. Who pushes aside the prescription of saying nothing negative and expressing no ambition. This is how we all feel after escaping from the losing side of love. We’re still wounded, but we soldiered on, we made it, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THEM?

Last night I read an article about Five Guys Burgers.

In case they haven’t come to you yet, Five Guys is a chain similar to California’s fabled In-N-Out, featuring fresh ingredients and few options. They don’t implore you to have it your way, they do it their way. However, Five Guys does allow you to choose from a modicum of toppings, a veritable no-no at In-N-Out, whose options are off the menu and only known to aficionados who demonstrate their membership in the club by ordering "animal style" or "four by four" burgers. You can’t even get milk at Five Guys. Why? Because kids hate milk and the proprietor wants kids to see a visit to Five Guys as a treat, with absolutely no concession to mommies and health, just pure, unadulterated indulgence.

Want one yet? Even the writer gave up his vegetarian status to indulge. He couldn’t resist the hand-formed beef patty on the artisan bun.

They serve a plethora of fries, even list where the spuds come from on a chalkboard.

And it took twenty five years for the family to get it right and the chain is burgeoning, even Coran Capshaw is in on the deal, possessing franchising rights in many states, hell, even Irving Azoff owns one in the West Valley.

Not that most people know that. Not that that’s relevant.

Then again, hasn’t Coran’s empire been built on the most authentic act of its era, the Dave Matthews Band?

Yes, the key to Five Guys Burgers’ success is authenticity. They quote this guy Jim Gilmore, co-author of "Authenticity: What Consumers Really Want". He goes on and on about the "texture" of their operations, but all you need to know is:

"The Murrells also shun national advertising campaigns, which they find fake, and instead rely on word of mouth. When President Obama moved to the White House, a Five Guys staffer suggested sending him a T-shirt. ‘That’s cheap!’ Murrell shot back. Playing coy worked, and soon Obama, trailed by TV cameras, stopped by a store. He ordered a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, fresh jalapenos, and mustard – a classic example of Five Guys’ formula that sells 2 million burgers a week and was named Zagat’s ‘best fast food burger’ for 2010."

And that’s why Five Guys is a runaway success and most musical acts have the shelf life of a doughnut. You perfect the product, you let people come to you, you play for the long haul. Publicity is passe. If you’re great, the public will find you. Everything you knew in the nineties is history. People can smell the hype, they’re craving authenticity.

Authenticity means you know how to play.

Authenticity means you don’t dance on stage, unless you’re spontaneously inspired, choreography is taboo.

Authenticity means you write your own songs.

Authenticity means you don’t go on morning television shows.

Authenticity means you know fans are first.

Authenticity means you know without your fans, you’re nothing.

You write and sing from the heart because you have to, not because you got an MBA and want to get rich.

Yes, the public is craving something real. And we’ve got a whole industry built on not providing it. The music infrastructure is teetering because it’s built upon a foundation of crap. The only acts people want to see with consistency tend to be over fifty, who did it right back then and can tour until they drop, which they’re gonna.

Sure, there are exceptions. But don’t you get it? When you co-write and polish to perfection, when you get a clothing line and consider yourself a brand, when you hype perfume and refuse to be honest, never saying a negative word, you’re working against yourself.

The public craves authenticity. According to the Oxford Dictionary, that’s an adjective meaning:

1 of undisputed origin; genuine

Let authenticity be your credo. Know that like Five Guys nothing great’s an overnight success. Get the formula right before you try to grow. And don’t change who you are once you’ve broken through, be humble and original, retain your rough edges, every concession to the mainstream works against you.

Behind Five Guys’ Beloved Burgers