You don’t want to look cheap.

It’s one thing if it’s a straight transaction for a physical object, no service being involved other than ringing up the cash register. But if I’m at a restaurant, I’m not gonna use a coupon.

First and foremost, when do you whip it out?

You’re afraid if you wait until the last minute you’re gonna get a finger-wagging and a no. After all, the restaurant doesn’t want to give you a deal, they’re probably losing money on you, hoping that you’ll come back.

But I’m never gonna come back. In an era where food is sexier than music and restaurants are plentiful, why would I go to a substandard place? Why wouldn’t I spend a bit more, or a little less at a hole in the wall featured on Triple-D, to get something truly great…there’s nothing worse than a mediocre meal.

And it’s always mediocre if they’re offering a coupon. Because otherwise, there’d be a line outside the door. Go to some of those Triple-D places, you can’t get near them.

So you’ve got someone running a failing business who figures if they just cut the price you’ll be interested. This is like lame musical artists believing if they undercut superstars on CD prices, people will flock to them. Some things aren’t about the money. We want quality. And I especially want quality when the cash outlay is low, like with toilet paper and chocolate chip cookies, why not get the best?

And if it’s expensive, I want the best. Kind of like concert tickets. Speak with a promoter, the tickets up front go first, that’s what the rabid fans want. Coupon-users would think that it’s the cheap seats that go first, but they’re usually the last to go. Hell, Live Nation wants to drive the price of these distant ducats down even further, because no one wants to sit there. As for Goldstar… If the show were that hot there wouldn’t be any extra seats to sell at a discount. I’d gladly sit in the way back for a Zeppelin reunion, and people are thrilled just to be in the building with Gaga, but you expect me to lay down my hard-earned cash to see a mediocre act? I don’t even want to go, I don’t want to waste my time.

But I guess the same people using Goldstar are the same ones using Groupon at restaurants. They’re all about the deal, they’re losing out on life. If you’re counting pennies, you’re missing out on the big money. Kind of like music. If you want to charge people per track and sell fifty instead of letting thousands hear it for free and build a business, you’re shortsighted. Then again, no one wants what sucks.

So back to the eating establishment. Since they’re losing money, they’ve got to do their best to claw some of it back. They make you eat an entree instead of ordering something cheaper. They’re upselling you food at a discount that you don’t even want. It’s like desiring a pizza and being forced to order the steak to get the deal.

And then there’s the alcohol… It’s not like they’re throwing in Dom Perignon. If you don’t know the difference, you probably think Deadmau5 sounds like Madonna.

Meanwhile, it’s not like it’s self-serve. Your waitress/waiter sizes you up as soon as you proffer the coupon. These are people who are going to screw me. They’re going to tip on the amount of the bill, not on the amount it would be before the discount. And sure, you might be smart enough not to do this, but you’ve got legions of people before you ruining your reputation. Furthermore, I’ve never seen a heavy tipper use a coupon.

And what kind of message does this send to your friends and prospective significant others? I’m so tight, so worried about my coins that I’ve got to go to a restaurant I wouldn’t go to otherwise and eat food I don’t want that’s mediocre just to feel like I’ve beaten the system?

Rich people and bankers are beating the system. They’re just throwing you coupons so you won’t realize they’re writing off their multi-thousand dollar meals with rare wines at places with unlisted phone numbers that you can’t get into while you’re self-satisfiedly eating crap.

Sure, everybody likes a deal. But if it’s at the expense of my reputation, if it causes me to consume what I want no part of, I’m out.

He called out Madonna.

Now I realize rappers have been criticizing each other since the advent of the art form, but ever since the MTV era mainstream artists have remained mute. It’s like they all belong to a social club in school, watching each other’s backs as they abuse the nerds.

So it’s a new era when Joel Zimmerman publicly criticizes Madonna for utilizing a cheap shot, a drug reference, to ingratiate herself with the Ultra audience.

But this is not about Madonna.

Madonna is chasing her audience.

Deadmau5 is leading his.

The biggest story in music last week never made the newspapers. It bounced around online amongst those who are electronic music fans. And it is this echo chamber that counts. A press release, an appearance on "Entertainment Tonight"…it’s like a tree dropping in the forest. There might be a native close enough to hear it, but there’s no resonance. The sound waves dissipate instantaneously. It’s just part of the cultural tsunami manufactured by baby boomers running old media (into the ground!) But online, you can truly have your message ring through virtual neighborhoods, you can truly have an impact, if you play.

Sure, you’ve got to have a website. People think Facebook can substitute for your own domain, but that’s like believing MySpace was enough. You’ve got to own your own domicile, it’s the essence of freedom.

But that’s not enough. You have to tweet, you can utilize Facebook, you’ve got to get into the agora and speak. And what fascinated me was Deadmau5/Zimmerman’s Tumblr post on "The Veldt".

Clicking through you end up at a pirated version of the Ray Bradbury story. Which may anger the esteemed author but people only replicate that which they deem worthy. How do you know your art is worthless? When you Google it and learn it’s nowhere to be found, except where you placed it.

I am not a big sci-fi fan, I’ve never read this short story, but what stuns me most is not that Zimmerman is a fan of Bradbury, but that he READS!

Do you think Rihanna reads?

I realize Madonna is a devotee of Kabbalah, but do we hear her mentioning consumption of novels, not new best sellers, and pontificating how much they impact her?

Of course not. Because if you’re selling, you’ve got no time to consume.

That’s right. Everybody’s so busy trying to get us to pay attention, they’ve got no time for influences.

Deadmau5 is not about cool, but about identity. That’s the difference with the younger generation, something that eludes the baby boomer string-pullers.

Anyway, Deadmau5 is inspired and writes music and tweets that he knows not what he is going to do for lyrics and a random follower composed some which Deadmau5 at first ignored, but then hounded by his fans listened to and was blown away by and got the author and his manager on the phone to work out the details and voila, a song was born.

This is not how it is done in the old world:

Everything the old wave music industry tells you is the truth is wrong. The Internet liberates artists, sure, it might rip them off financially a bit, but when one door closes, you go through the open ones to find new opportunities.

It doesn’t matter whether you like Deadmau5’s music. The creative paradigm he’s employing is the one of the future. Not the one where Madonna hires producers du jour, gets plastic surgery and boasts about herself just to make money.

The new generation embraces its quirks. It’s okay to be a nerd. It’s what’s inside that counts. The fact that the mainstream media isn’t paying attention, just doesn’t get it, makes it no less real.

P.S. Unlike the ancient, Deadmau5 created the track live. The fans were ringside watching the creative process. This is a 180 from the bands a decade ago who claimed Napster was negligent in allowing their unfinished work to be exposed. Once again, Deadmau5 is using the tools to his advantage instead of being a Luddite resistance to change.

Why are artists so damn ignorant?

THE HARLAN COBEN RULE

"Mr. Coben says he just wants what any writer wants – more readers.

‘The most annoying and full-of-crap thing a writer says is, I write only for myself, I don’t care if anyone reads it,’ Mr. Coben says. ‘A writer without a reader doesn’t exist.’"

Harlan Coben Floods the Zone

Harlan Coben has sold 50 million books. He sells 4.5 million a year. If he was a musician, he’d start attacking his audience immediately. And thereafter rail against his publisher and Amazon and anybody who keeps him from feeding his family.

But first and foremost, Mr. Coben is an artist. And the main goal of an artist is to have more people experience his art. If this is not your goal, please give up immediately. You’re just a money-grubber cocking up the works.

Prior to the Internet, only a limited number of musicians could get their music heard. And only by a limited number of people. Now all musicians can get their music heard by everybody. The downside of this? Those who won under the old rules find it harder to succeed under the new. Not if you’re exceptional, like Adele, but if you make music that does not reach ubiquity. Used to be radio and television jammed songs down people’s throats. Now, it’s hard to get everybody to pay attention.

Change always creates new winners and losers. If someone is complaining loudly, it’s usually because he used to win or desired to win under the old rules.

As for Mr. Coben… See the movie of his book "Tell No One". Sure, it’s got French subtitles, but it’s as good, if not better, than every movie nominated for an Oscar last year.

THE TIMING RULE

Beating up on Sean Parker is worthless. If you believe he and Shawn Fanning are responsible for destroying the music business, you know nothing about invention.

Study the history of invention and you find out "it was in the air". In other words, if one person didn’t invent the breakthrough technology, another person would. Which is why there are always disputes over who is responsible for inventing radio and other technologies.

In other words, if Shawn Fanning and Sean Parker had lost Internet access, we’d still have had Napster. The underlying technologies were "in the air".

I’ll give you an example you can understand… Didn’t MySpace precede Facebook? And didn’t Friendster precede MySpace? Social networking was in the air.

Read Malcolm Gladwell’s article:

"In The Air – Who says big ideas are rare?"

PIRACY

That’s Spotify’s main target.
The music industry played Whac-A-Mole, poorly, with every wannabe file-trading outlet. Did you see the recent report that the Pirate Bay wants to use drones?

The Inspirational Maniacs Of The Pirate Bay

Even the head of Vevo said combating piracy was an unwinnable war.

"’Piracy is a bit like the war on drugs, it’s an unwinnable war in my opinion. But that’s not necessarily the opinion of the industry, but I think the solution is to provide access to entertainment to as many people as possible, through a variety of different models- including the free models.’"

Rio Caraeff

Vevo CEO: The war on piracy is like the war on drugs…’unwinnable’

You’re victorious via business solutions. Spotify payments are low for the free service. When people pay, payments go up. You can’t get Spotify for free on your mobile handset. And all data says that’s where we’re going. To complain that Spotify is free in its lo-fi ad-supported version on computers is to bitch that you’re getting ripped off in the world of tube television. Can you even buy one anymore? How come musicians are blind to the future?

LABELS

The fact that labels take the lion’s share of royalties is not Sean Parker’s fault, it’s the artists’ fault. Now you no longer have to sign with a label, if you do so and get ripped off/ have low royalty rates, you only have yourself to blame. If you’re a legacy artist, I feel sorry for you.

RAMPING

How many people said Apple was worthless in the nineteen nineties? How many people said Apple would soon be out of the computer business, even after the launch of the iPod? How many people said the iPod would fail because it was too expensive?

Now Apple is the world’s most valuable company.

You start small and build big with great products.

This is the way it used to be in the music business.

BACK TO TIMING

The only difference between Rhapsody and Spotify is the latter offers a free version. And as a result of being free, user adoption has grown. It’s kind of like dealing dope, people don’t know what they’re missing until they experience it.

Furthermore, Spotify has better functionality than previous streaming offerings. The songs begin sooner and you can fast-forward/reverse just like with ownership.

STREAMING

People bought videotapes then rented them then rented DVDs then bought DVDs and then rented DVDs and now stream movies. To the point where Netflix now wants to get rid of its disc-based offerings. Don’t tell me the public knows what it wants. If you believe the AAC files of the iTunes Store will be the format of choice a dozen years from now you’re probably going to the Apple Store and stockpiling the computers that will be needed to play them.

But isn’t it interesting that Apple is moving to a cloud-based system, where ownership is registered and the songs are streamed to devices…

CONCLUSION 1

Beating up on Sean Parker is like beating up on Lou Pearlman for inventing the boy band paradigm. There were boy bands before Pearlman and now after. He just seized the moment.

Sure, Parker has gotten rich, but if you think it’s all about money, maybe you shouldn’t be a musician.

Musicians are so damn stupid. They want someone else to pay for their production, they want to make full-length albums and they want to get hit singles on the radio. This is akin to shaking down fat cats to invest in cartridges for ancient Nintendo gaming systems.

The paradigm keeps shifting. Why do artists refuse to play along?

Furthermore, why is it always the uber-rich who complain? Black Keys sells out Madison Square Garden and then bitches that they aren’t making even MORE money!

As for Metallica’s stand… All these years later we can see their hearts were in the right place, but their heads were clouded in ignorance. Files are not conventional physical property, they can be reproduced at almost no cost at will. It’s not like stealing a couch.

In other words, if you’re ignorant, become informed OR STFU!

CONCLUSION 2

If musicians had their way, they’d kill Spotify and make everybody buy CDs. Give the power back to the dreaded major labels and keep newcomers out.

Maybe that’s why so much mainstream music today is so bad. There’s no innovation, just endless repetition of the old formula, trying to milk a dying cow.

The Black Keys make innovative music. As a result they’ve been successful. But just because Patrick Carney knows how to make music, that does not mean he knows anything about technology or money.

The problem is not Sean Parker. As if he were Al Gore and invented the Internet. Mr. Parker has seized tools to try and change the paradigm. The fact that he’s been smart enough to see the future and capitalize upon it is anathema only in the music business where we want to depend on a byzantine system where most of the money goes to intermediaries and the artist is screwed.

We now have more transparency. Artists can do it for themselves.

Technology begat this.

And if you abhor this, please turn in not only your computer, but your iPhone and iPad.

As for Mr. Carney saying Apple will ultimately create a better service…a decade ago wasn’t Apple the enemy?

My mother sent me the wrong album.

I was a freshman in college and I told her to send me the second Band album and Joe Cocker’s debut. But she sent me "Stage Fright" and Cocker’s second album. And as a result, I know every lick on each of those records. You see I was a freshman in college and I refused to overpay for albums at the Vermont Book Shop, ergo the request for my mother to go to Korvette’s and purchase the records I wanted at a discount.

This plan did not last. Thereafter, I waited for vacations to purchase records, which I often did at the rate of nine or ten a clip. Whereupon my mother asked me why I didn’t buy a tape recorder and record them from someone else. And that’s when I informed her NO ONE ELSE BOUGHT THE RECORDS I DID!

She kept bitching and I kept buying and as a result we end up here today.

And don’t give me a hard time, I described the above-mentioned albums in detail. I wanted the brown Band album… Then again, there was a sepia-toned photo wrapping most of "Stage Fright". I don’t know exactly how I described Joe Cocker’s debut. But I’m thrilled she sent me the second… Because it’s better, it’s the BEST!

1. "Hitchcock Railway"

I have no idea who Don Dunn and Tony McCashen are, but they wrote this song. Yet Joe Cocker and the Grease Band made it their own.

Start with Chris Stainton’s piano intro. Then go to the percussion, which sounds like spoons banging on drum rims. And then there are the backup vocals.

Imagine getting buzzed on Boone’s Farm, getting on a train with your musician friends and WAILING!

That’s exactly what "Hitchcock Railway" sounds like.

It’s not made for the hit parade, maybe that’s why it lasts, why it’s as fresh today as it was in 1970.

"Hitchcock Railway" is a tear, a runaway train, if this doesn’t get you jitterbuggin’, YOU’RE DEAD!

2. "Dear Landlord"

At this point, I did not own "John Wesley Harding", but after becoming infected by Joe’s rendition, I bought a used copy from a junior in Starr Hall. That was the last time I ever did this, it was like he’d ironed his skis upon it, I treasure my vinyl, my collection is still pristine, I could donate it to a museum, there are no fingerprints and no self-inflicted scratches, well, maybe an accidental few, and as a result I ended up buying a new copy of "John Wesley Harding" and Joe’s version is completely different musically from Dylan’s original but it introduced me to those famous lyrics:

Now, each of us has his own special gift
And you know this was meant to be true
And if you don’t underestimate me
I won’t underestimate you

That’s my creed. I was brought up in a family that looked down upon people, that carved up the populace, but Dylan is right, we each have our own special gift, it may not be book learning, but how many times have you gotten insight from someone supposedly dumb? Wisdom can’t only be gained in school.

I’m including Bob’s original in the playlist, because it’s better, but Joe introduced me to the song…and you should know it.

3. "She Came In Through The Bathroom Window"

It’s got a rollicking barroom feel as opposed to the Beatles take, it’s almost serious instead of ethereal and fun like on "Abbey Road", but it was a radio staple and it’s GREAT!

4. "Something"

Less meaningful than the original, it was one of the very first covers of this second most covered Beatles song. It’s less precious than the Beatles version, and with the heaviness removed it breathes.

5. "Bird On A Wire"

Once upon a time Leonard Cohen was not the icon he is today. As a matter of fact he was decried as a poet poaching in music. Funny how time has a way of settling scores.

Joe lined Leonard’s coffers with this cover, he helped change Cohen’s image.

6. "Delta Lady"

This track is such a killer that I had to immediately go to the mall and buy Leon Russell’s solo debut at the one record store in Bridgeport, Connecticut that stocked it.

Joe’s take is a funky romp that dominated the airwaves, but if you haven’t heard Leon’s take you’re in for a treat.

Leon had something to prove. He saw no need to be subtle, he threw in everything, including the kitchen sink. And his vocals evidence a magnetism that draws both males and females to him. That’s the power of music, that’s why it eclipses money.

But in 1970, musicians were as rich as anybody.

But then Leon convinced Joe to go out with twenty-odd pieces as Mad Dogs & Englishmen and Joe got too drunk and ended up too poor but if you saw that show, not only were you blown away, YOU’LL NEVER FORGET IT!

I had my viewing at the Capitol Theatre in Port Chester. Joe fronted the band, but Leon was the king of cool, in his top hat. And we were all in love with Rita Coolidge, who was truly cool. Sure, it about bankrupted Joe but wasn’t it a great era where the music led and money took a back seat?

Stay in til 3:07 when Leon screams, the song changes and Leon scat/raps… It’s a TOUR DE FORCE!

7. "Lawdy Miss Clawdy" and "That’s Your Business"

They paled in comparison, but separate them from the winners on this album and they’re truly solid. "Hello, Little Friend" is even better.

8. "Darling Be Home Soon"

THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE! A certified classic. Joe makes this Lovin’ Spoonful song his own, it stands as tall as the original.

Why don’t they sing this on those idiotic television vocal competition shows?

It’s the piano playing of the aforementioned Chris Stainton that truly makes the track. And the backup vocals help…but that’s not to minimize Joe’s contribution.

But credit the arranger. And listen to the original. It’s the intimate flip side the same way George Harrison’s "Something" is to Joe’s rendition.

There’s not a wasted word, there’s poignant imagery, but isn’t it true, ain’t that the human condition, we’re not made to be alone, we want you to come home soon.

Long-haired Chris Stainton went on to play with a multitude of bands and is now most often seen with Eric Clapton.

Guitarist Henry McCullough most famously went on to become a member of Wings, it’s his guitar solo that graces "My Love".

Bruce Rowland, the drummer, ultimately played with Fairport Convention.

Alan Spenner died in 1991, after putting his bass on the bottom of a who’s who of musicians’ work, from Ted Nugent to Murray Head to David Soul to Roxy Music.

And the above four put out two records on their own, as the Grease Band.

As for the session musicians, Clarence White died before his time, struck down by a drunk driver.

"Sneaky Pete" Kleinow died in 2007, after gracing a cornucopia of records, most famously the Flying Burrito Brothers’.

Your jaw will drop when you read Milt Holland’s percussion credits. Everyone from Ella Fitzgerald to Ry Cooder to Joni Mitchell. He left us in 2005 at the ripe old age of 88.

Paul Humphries was a journeyman with some good drumming credits.

Supposedly Steve Winwood played bass on "Dear Landlord". We cannot heap enough praise upon this musician who not only survived teen stardom, but prospered.

Which brings us to the backup singers…

Merry Clayton eventually acted, it’s a hard life being a backup singer, but she deserves to be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for her contribution to the Stones’ "Gimmie Shelter" if nothing else.

Bonnie Bramlett had one bright moment with her husband Delaney at the turn of the decade, from the sixties to the seventies, when Eric Clapton and Dave Mason joined their band. Then Eric became Derek, stole the eventual Dominos and Bonnie’s career faded.

Patrice Holloway passed in 2006, but before she did she was the singing voice of Valerie on "Josie and the Pussycats".

Sherlie Matthews’s credits are almost as extensive as those of Milt Holland, even if her name is much less recognizable.

Rita Coolidge got her own solo deal as a result of the Mad Dogs and Englishmen hoopla and released such an over-produced record with so many credits that her solo career was stillborn, she never became a big star. She eventually married Kris Kristofferson and has faded away, she does not radiate, but those who lived through the seventies will never forget her.

Which brings us to Leon Russell. Who used Joe Cocker as a springboard to a solo career that eclipsed Cocker’s and flamed out in a fit of hubris, most famously with the interminable, execrable "Leon Live".

And Joe Cocker never recovered. He became an alcoholic, he got fat, and the follow-up to Mad Dogs & Englishmen was the disappointing "High Time We Went". Eventually he cleaned up and had some MTV hits, but his glory days were behind him. He was a superstar and couldn’t handle it. You think you want to be famous, that you want to own the world, but you have no idea how lonely and disconcerting it is.

But at least Joe’s still here, unlike his famous imitator John Belushi.

One great thing about records is they never change. You can’t return to 1970, but if you listen to this album you’ll get the idea. It was an era when music ruled the world, and the son of a civil servant from Sheffield, England could become internationally famous, and respected.

Listen to this album, you’ll see why.

Spotify playlist

Previous Rhinofy playlists