That’s what a hamburger’s all about.

Five Guys is toast. I love their burgers, but I’m done with the place. It’s the over-the-top loud music and the can’t-give-a-shit employees. Just try to get them to turn the 80’s hits down, it’s impossible, someone at headquarters set the dB level, which is enough to get them sued for deafness, the employees’ hands are tied, if you can even get them to pay attention, they’re so busy b.s.’ing in a backstage party behind the counter. Yes, it’s the only burger place with my favorite drink on tap, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, but I’m never setting foot in one again. And neither is just about everyone else, every time I go it’s just about empty. Meanwhile, whatever you think of Chick-Fil-A’s policy on gays, you can’t get near the place. They’re on opposite sides of the street in Northridge. One is cascading with patrons, the other is empty.

I’ve had a rough day. And when the hunger pangs hit my stomach I just couldn’t fathom the food in my fridge. I needed something that would satisfy, titillate my taste buds. Yes, that’s how far I’ve come, my excess of choice, my vice, is food. I gave up alcohol decades ago. I was never a smoker, I was never an imbiber of coffee, but give me some good junk food and I’m sold.

Of course, gourmet is better. I’m sick of low quality crap. But junk food can be instant, fast, and sometimes you need to fill the hankering, you’ve got to get that immediate hit, and my go-to place is In-N-Out.

Now word of the establishment has reached the east coast, even though you can’t partake there. Kind of like Coors in the seventies. It was manna in New England. But burgers and fries don’t travel well. Then again, if you do travel, there’s an In-N-Out right by LAX, go for the experience.

And the main reason In-N-Out doesn’t travel is because of fresh. That’s how everything’s got to be. Quality control is everything.

Then again, QC is everything at McDonald’s, but that emporium is shooting too low. With its plastic shakes and bland burgers (we all know the fries are great!) In-N-Out is about perfecting the roadside burger. It’s the McDonald’s of your dreams. The food may not come with toys, but you’ve got a smile on your face just the same.

The drive-thru is backed up for blocks.

And it’s not easy to get a parking spot.

But as you approach the building, you feel the joy. The patrons sitting at the picnic tables, devouring their goodies.

SoCal may be emblematic of summer, but the dirty little secret is it’s not that hot. Oh, it bakes inland, but most nights by the beach you need a jacket. But there are a few weeks a year just warm enough this is unnecessary.

Tonight was one of those nights.

And there was a line to order. Peopled by enough ethnicities to make the Tea Party gag. This was the Washington Boulevard In-N-Out, by Costco, a veritable melting pot of color and race.

But no one would pull a gun here. That’s just not the vibe.

The vibe is efficiency.

There are three cashiers. And each and every one of them is focused on a customer. There’s no bullshitting between them, no talk of last night’s date. You see they’re well-trained and they want that upward mobility, In-N-Out promotes from within.

And you can truly have it your way. There’s the legendary “secret menu”:

In-N-Out Burger’s “Secret Menu” Revealed

That’s too secret for me. But I love when they ask if I want onions on my burger. I LOVE onions.

And I always ask for the fries well-done. Which makes them kind of squeaky and oh-so-tasty. Imagine being able to have McDonald’s fries done your way. Wouldn’t that be amazing?

And the shakes are thick and real. It’s like slurping a fudgesicle. I save it for dessert.

And you’ve got to wait a few minutes for your food, everything’s cooked to order, and when my number was finally called, I went to the ketchup stand and found it empty. I immediately reported this failure to the man behind the counter and his compatriot, a young woman, pulled a move worthy of the NBA, reaching around him and delivering a plethora of squeeze packets to my tray. She didn’t want me to wait. Some things are best devoured hot.

And to say the meal was satisfying would be an understatement. All my troubles slipped away. It was a little bit of heaven.

And it wasn’t only the food that mattered. I felt like I belonged. I didn’t need to check in, I didn’t need to cough up my e-mail address, no one badgered me, there was just a feedback loop between worker and customer, that we were enlightened, that we were doing it a better way.

P.S. Meanwhile, having not visited In-N-Out since eating at Danny Meyer’s Shake Shack, I must say, Danny makes a better burger. It’s the meat. He shoots higher. Pat LaFrieda makes the difference. But Danny’s fries are a disappointment. His shakes are stellar, but probably a bit upscale for most people, very thick, very ice creamy, very chocolaty. But you can see why there’s always a line around the block. People respond to quality. You don’t have to do everything, just a couple of things, really well.

P.P.S. I came home from Five Guys and I searched Yelp, to see if anybody else complained about the loud music. EVERYBODY complained about it. That’s what I want, a company so busy playing to the business press that it ignores its customers.

P.P.P.S. Everybody keeps saying you’ve got to be new and different, that you can’t stay in the past. That’s complete hogwash. McDonald’s may have upgraded its buildings, but In-N-Out looks like it’s stuck in the fifties. And it looked this way even back in the seventies, when it was totally unhip.

P.P.P.P.S. Hip is overrated. Almost no one’s that hip. At In-N-Out you can cast aside the need to project an image, it’s not about the right table, about preferential service, it’s about being one of the guys and gals at the best damn hamburger joint in Southern California, maybe the world!

In-N-Out

From: Scott McKain
Subject: Re: Beck’s Sheet Music Album

Bob —

For quite a while, I have read your insight regarding traditional media versus what’s really happening today in terms of gaining both recognition and advancing your career.  Even though my business is a bit different as an author and speaker (although I’m also trying to move product and book gigs), I had a pretty dramatic example this week of how right you are.

On Tuesday, USA Today ran a story that not only featured me, but had two pictures — one of me on the masthead of the Money section, and another that was on page three that was, I swear, the biggest photo I think I’ve ever seen in that publication.  We were ecstatic…it was like winning the publicity lottery.

The article featured everything I could’ve hoped for…said I’ve traveled over 100,000 miles this year to gigs, worked internationally including Dubai and Sweden, successful author…and that even though I’m a fearful flyer, I do what it takes in order to take care of business.

Guess how many phone calls we’ve received to book a date as a result of that incredible, Godsend of traditional publicity?  As of Thursday evening…none.  Eighteen million readers…not one call.

Don’t get me wrong…my ego loved watching people at the hotel and in the airport on Tuesday reading the story and seeing my picture.  But, it created zero business for us so far.

On the other hand, one little story about a taxi driver I had in Jacksonville, Florida that I put up on YouTube — giving people a chance to see and hear a portion of the program I do — has generated about $200K in bookings in the past twelve months.

It never would have occurred to me that a video I edited on my Mac and uploaded from my house would have a more dramatic impact on my career than two huge pictures and a perfect story in USA Today.  But, it did.

Please don’t misunderstand…I’m thrilled and grateful they ran the article.  However, the “career maker” for me was a strong piece of material, complemented by a good performance, that potential fans could see and share.

Thanks for helping me get my priorities straight, Bob.

Scott

YouTube clip

Blog post with pic of “USA Today”

“USA Today” article

Note: A careful reading of the “USA Today” article makes clear the focus is on fear of flying more than Mr. McKain’s career. Therefore, this is not a perfect equation. But many people believe all ink is extremely beneficial. Furthermore, watch the YouTube clip. It does sell Mr. McKain quite well, you get what his act is all about. In other words, you can utilize the digital tools of the new generation to demonstrate your wares and reap rewards. If what you say has value, it reaches people and goes viral. Furthermore, YouTube is free. It requires only that you make an effort. Which is better done by you than someone you hire. And online sheen is less important than content. Don’t worry about getting it perfect, worry about getting it out there.

SONG READER
A new album from Beck Hansen

It’s a publicity stunt.

Unable to sell an album, people no longer interested in what he has to say musically, Beck has made an end run around the music business and gotten his old fans and techies excited, and has them spreading the word better than any major label publicity campaign would be able to.

Josh Freese started this.

Radiohead capitalized on this.

Kickstarter institutionalized this.

And now Beck is employing the same paradigm.

Let’s separate music from publicity. The dirty little secret is if you’re nobody, publicity doesn’t count and music is everything. If you’re nobody, if you’ve never broken through, if you have no toehold, you’ve got to create at least one track so good it’s passed on virally to everybody.

Yes, the track can be good in a train-wreck way, a la Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” but it’s got to be noteworthy. And this is much more difficult to do than to create a genius marketing campaign.

But if you’ve already got traction, if people already know who you are, then it’s time to put your thinking cap on and come up with a left field marketing idea.

In other words, that old newspaper/magazine/interview game doesn’t work anymore. Unless you say something truly astounding, like you were humiliated by a famous paramour, like John Mayer did, traditional publicity doesn’t go viral. Everybody shrugs their shoulder and sees it for what it is…hype.

And we’ve become immune to hype.

Of course, if you can get your song on the radio, that pays dividends. Radio is still the dominant way to expose music, but contrary to the opinion of the blowhards employed in it, radio’s power is fading and will continue to diminish. These are the same self-satisfied pricks who said the CD was forever, that no one would want to buy an MP3. Just wait a few years, when there’s Internet in the car, hell, there’s already Internet in Audis, radio’s mindshare will decrease. Just like network TV ratings plunged in the wake of the advent of cable and the resulting hundreds of stations. Talk radio is vital, on the pulse, music radio is not. Which is why MTV got out and now relies on longform shows. Music is an on demand item. You can hear it whenever you want wherever you want with a mouse click or a touch of the finger, ever hear of YouTube? Sure, people need to know what to listen to, there’s room for trusted filters, but most commercial radio is beholden to advertisers, it’s anything but trustworthy. As for satellite… What we’ve learned here is people are cheap. And satellite will never become ubiquitous. But Pandora is free. As are many other Internet music options.

Which brings us back to the issue of fame and exposing new music.

These old acts…no radio station wants to play their music. None that mean a damn. So, these acts can either work with Max Martin or Dr. Luke or stop making music or realize they’re journeymen. Ironically, it’s these old acts who will triumph most as radio declines, people no longer care if an artist is signed to a major label, an indie is just as credible, being on the radio won’t be the end all and be all in the future.

Great music will still count. And we can debate whether these old acts can still create great music all day long, but one thing they have is their fame, can they leverage their fame?

That’s what Beck Hansen has done here. He’s a known quantity. Furthermore, he’s known for cutting edge innovation. So people are interested in what he’s doing. And he was smart enough to get them interested without the music! People haven’t been talking about Beck for years, but with this one little stunt he’s become part of the discussion. And what’s even more interesting is the word was not spread by the music press, or traditional mainstream media, but “Forbes.”

Beck ‘Produces’ A Genius Innovation That Appeals To The User-Generated Generation

In other words, if you want to go viral, you’re better off being featured in “Wired” or on Gizmodo than in the “New York Times” or “Time.” Because the former outlets have no b.s. images. They’re not known as bastions of hype. People trust them. It may not be true if it’s in the newspaper, but if it’s in “Forbes”?

What Beck is doing is no different in theory from what Trent Reznor did years ago. What artists do every day on Topspin. They’re upselling. Selling products that have nothing to do with the music itself. Like books. All Beck has done is push the envelope.

Name your own price is dead.

Sheet music has now been taken.

How will you get the public’s attention in the future? How will you go viral?

It depends entirely on creativity. By the book, pardon the pun, does not work online, does not work with today’s generation.

So Beck gets some notoriety and some coin. Maybe this stunt even drives people to his show.

But it is a stunt and it’s not about music and it’s no different from having some has-been movie actor appear on a sitcom. If the sitcom sucks, it’s just a payday. If the sitcom is great, it burnishes your image.

It all comes down to the music. And creating great music is almost impossible.

And we’re only interested in great. Good just ain’t good enough.

But “Loser” was phenomenal! You only had to hear it once and you needed to hear it again. It made Beck’s career. It set him up so he could employ this sheet music stunt and people would care. Have you written “Loser”?

If not, better keep your day job.

“People who end up living their dreams are not those who are lucky and gifted, but those who are stubborn, resolute and willing to sacrifice.”

How to Get Doping Out of Sports – The New York Times

And while I’ve got your attention, I want to talk about compromise.

Artists don’t.

I can’t stop watching “Newsroom.” One of the things I love about it is the critics hate it. But the ratings are good, it keeps soldiering on and it’s been renewed for another season. And sure, it defines the political and TV news issues, but it also brings up moral issues. Like values. And compromise.

They’re changing the format of the broadcast because the ratings tanked. Nancy Grace covered Casey Anthony and they didn’t and they lost half a million viewers overnight and the big boss is pissed and the honchos cave. Why? Because they want the debate. The Republican debate. It’s fifteen months ago, spring of ’11, and they want to have an impact.

This is what businessmen do.

This is not what artists do.

This is what politicians do. That’s why I keep scratching my head about D.C. Believe in what you want Republicans, but your job in Congress is to legislate, to move things forward, it’s a giant sausage factory and you’re on the line, work. But they won’t. They’re standing on ceremony, they’re hewing to their principles.

No one gets to do this in business. Not even Steve Jobs.

That’s why we revere artists. They’re above the fray.

But now the artists have become beholden to the businessmen. Or they’re businessmen themselves. Hell, if your goal is have a perfume and clothing line, you’re in the land of expedience. It’s not like you’re creating breakthroughs, you only want the money, the cold hard cash. Furthermore, these so-called “artists” listen to their labels, agents and managers, who are businessmen themselves, with different priorities. The way it works is the artist is on top of the pyramid, everybody works for him. But it hasn’t been that way in a very long time. Not since Tommy Mottola and his ilk made much more cash than any artist and every artist’s career seemed to last a nanosecond. The businessmen gained control of music and instead of fighting to get it back, the artists capitulated.

Which brings us back to the quote above. Most people don’t get a say. Because you’re not an artist. Maybe you can play your instrument and put your songs up on iTunes, but that doesn’t make you an artist, any more than playing sandlot ball makes you a major leaguer. Only a few people get to play in the big leagues. And if you think these are well-rounded friends to all, you’ve never met one. Successful artists are narcissists. Who only care about themselves and their careers. You come second. Whether you’re the girlfriend or the manager, it makes no difference. Hell, if you’re a manager you’re just a day away from getting fired. If you’re not moving the ball forward, you’re in jeopardy. Hell, you can be doing great work and still lose your job, because the artist is mercurial and impressionable.

Most people have no idea what it takes to make it. They think it’s about putting in 10,000 hours practicing in their bedroom. Hell, you’ve got to do that, but you’ve also got to live on ramen, eat from dumpsters, use and abuse your significant other and still probably not make it. Those who succeed have run a gauntlet akin to fighting a war. And once they’ve emerged triumphant no one is gonna take the fruits of their labor away. Artists sleep with one eye open, always fearful of falling down the ladder. Money isn’t enough, fame is just as important. They’re not satisfied to be retired in Florida at their mansion, they want and need you to pay attention. Forever.
The above quote comes from an essay in the “New York Times” from a professional bicycle racer. He doped. He explained why. You couldn’t win without it. Oh, he’s anti-doping now. But the point is he put in all that time, years of practice, and he wanted to win. So he shaved the edges.

Which is what artists do every single day.

If you think an artist is trustworthy, you’ve never met one.

If an artist has kids, he doesn’t spend much time with them.

An artist thinks only his opinion counts. Contradict him and you’d better have a lot of history and power, something the artist wants, or you’re banished.

Are you ready to sign up for this?