Rubber boots.

They should put that on the website, print it on the tickets, that’s the one thing you need more than your appetite and your ears at Jazz Fest, RUBBER BOOTS!

Come on, you’ve seen the Woodstock movie, heard its album, with the chant of “No Rain! No Rain!” Well I’ve been living in Southern California so damn long I forgot that it precipitates elsewhere. I’m just stunned every live event isn’t indoors or in SoCal.

So I’m exiting the Widespread Panic show…

Whoa, let’s stop there. I’m standing on the side of the stage as this two plus decade old concoction of musicians pours its sound over the thousands in attendance. That’s why you do it, not for the money, not for the fame, there’s nowhere else you can get that rush.

And as I’m walking to our vehicle I’m confronted with a sea of mud, not the “Sea Of Madness” that Neil Young sang about so eloquently at 1969’s legendary rock festival, but maybe it was. You know that feeling, when the only way out is through? That’s what it was like.

But if you’re thinking getting your shoes and trousers dirty is the worst crime, you’re mistaken. You see there are snakes in that mud, that reach up and pull your shoes right off! You suddenly realize why so many are going barefoot. They crossed this sea of ooze and when they stepped up, there was a giant sucking sound, their shoes were pulled under.

That’s what I was worried about. That not only my shoes, but my whole damn body would be pulled beneath the earth and reside forevermore in New Orleans.

That’s where I am. Just a couple of blocks from Bourbon Street.

And you know what’s great about Bourbon Street? The people! They haven’t got ugly, lumpy, imperfect people in Los Angeles, they’re stopped at the border, like in “The Grapes Of Wrath.” But here in Louisiana I came in contact with the real America, one that descends to the southern tip of our country to let loose, because while those on the coast are pursuing their career dreams, those in the middle know it’s about having fun, and that’s what you do in New Orleans, party.

And the food!

Yesterday it was fried oysters and soft-shell crab.

Today it was fried alligator and pork cheek terrine. If you’re the type who needs pictures, try these:

Fried alligator for lunch. Mmm!

Pork cheek terrine.

Lunch was at Cochon. Where I saw Patti Smith enter just before we left. Before we went back to the hotel to get umbrellas to deal with the downpour.

As for Jazz Fest itself… It’s about music! What a concept!

That’s not what the press is about. The press is all about money and fame. But most of the acts at Jazz Fest have neither. So they can just wail for the fun of it.

The Gospel Tent lives up to its legend. There’s just something about a score of people singing from their hearts, exuding joy, it’s contagious.

And there’s blues, folk and jazz, and even headliners.

And I don’t know what the future of music in America is. There’s none in the schools and most of it’s whored out product made to be sold to corporations. But there’s something refreshing having the sound pour over you and knowing that that’s it, that’s all you’re gonna get, that it’s not about virality, spreading the word, but listening.

Listen To The Music (it’s a reference to the second Doobie Brothers album in case you don’t get the reference)

Bourbon Street (where I heard a band cover “You Never Give Me Your Money” almost as good as McCartney, and I saw a dude doing such a good karaoke job with “Some Kind Of Wonderful” if you closed your eyes you’d have thought it was Mark Farner)

On this album thing…..
Yes its a dead format (especially on the CD) but I would like to think that it is possible to release viable collections of songs
and not just the chart single thing which to my mind is just as marginalised as the album.
We live in a cultural desert. There has to be a way of giving people more substantial musical feed than the bullshit currently offered……
The biz needs to be deconstructed…..musicians need to be interesting and CREATIVE and stop getting seduced by the bullsh*t.
But to say there is no mileage in song cycles of any kind is like saying we only want the first movement of the Eroica and forget the funeral march!!!!!

Karl Wallinger
World Party

It’s a disaster.

And it’s hiding in plain sight. All you’ve got to do is go to their site and see what’s available, your jaw will drop.

Enthralled with the ancient British rockers, the mainstream press has completely dropped the ball on this story. So busy reporting last weekend’s club gig, the sycophantic reporters refuse to do any…reporting. To see that the bottom just dropped out of the Stones business.

Yes, go to Rolling Stones

And click to “Get Tickets.”

Then pull up May 3rd’s gig at the Staples Center in Los Angeles, America’s number two market, home to more poseurs than anywhere but the Cote d’Azur.

First you’ll be stunned how seamlessly AXS works. We’ve been told for eons that Ticketmaster is an unbeatable champion. But AXS is faster, easier and just an all-around better experience.

So pick the May 3rd gig. If you can’t navigate to this page, stop reading this now, you’re too ignorant to get the points I’m going to be making anyway.

Select 2 seats. Don’t allow for splits. There are frequently single seats available in good sections for the most desirable gigs.

Select “Best seat at any price level.”

Then click on “Find Tickets.”

Whew!

You can sit right down front!

But it gets better!

You can still get 8 seats together in desirable sections!

Which means…

Sales are horrific.

It’s even worse for the May 20th gig. You can still get 8 seats together right down front!

How did this happen?

GREED!

Let me tell you how this works. AEG pays the Stones whether they sell out or they don’t, whether anybody shows up or the hall is empty.

This is a far cry from the way business was done in the years the Stones became the “World’s Greatest Rock & Roll Band.”

Used to be there was a guarantee, and then a split after break even.

But then Michael Cohl revolutionized the business.

And then Bob Sillerman rolled up the promoters and the acts had a field day, raping big time promoters for huge guarantees.

And the small shows got squeezed out, only the big ones counted in the mind of the public. And the Internet burgeoned. And suddenly, scalping became rampant. Even via the eBay company StubHub, never mind by individuals speculating.

And the game was rigged. There were so many pre-sales and holdbacks that demand seemed to outstrip supply in all cases. So resale prices went through the roof!

And until 2008, everybody was loaded with cash, the rich still are, they want to go to the show not to see it, but to say they were there.

And Mick Jagger is pissed these people have more money than he does. He wants to fly private and vacation without the hoi polloi, so he needs to rip you off, he needs to get all that money!

That’s what the inflated ticket prices are all about. Making sure scalpers don’t get the markup.

But this time around, prices are so damn high the public is balking, which surprises even me, because this truly looks like the last tour. But what we’ve learned here is the mania surrounding recent Stones shows has been created by the press, there’s just not that much demand, people cared more about Miley Cyrus and Beanie Babies. Yes, parents care more about their kids than decrepit rockers.

The initial shows last fall did well. Because of the mainstream press around the marketing angle of fifty years…

But just like the Cream comeback was an event in London and a dud in New York City, the bloom is off the rose, there’s no story, people just don’t care.

Do they care for $100?

A lot more.

Then again, the Stones have been doing weak business for eons. You could always get a ticket.

So where does this leave us?

In the land of Kid Rock. Where everybody scales back, where we have a reset, where even the execs take less.

Because what once was is no longer.

The Stones have jumped the shark.

And that means most of the other classic rock acts have too.

Furthermore, if you think the Stones are phenomenal in concert, you haven’t seen them, or are used to the Grateful Dead. They lock on occasionally, otherwise, it’s rough.

So if you’re against paperless ticketing, you’re a weasel. That’s what delivered $600 tickets, fear that the scalpers would take too much of the profit.

And if you’re against airline style variable pricing, you’re part of the problem too. Because if we had such a system, AEG could lower the price and sell out. But now they can’t.

Oh, they’ll find some way to fill the hall. The biggest stars paper, from Springsteen to Kenny Chesney.

And a loss is in the offing, unless the Stones give back.

But they won’t.

But maybe they will. Dainty dropped out because he couldn’t come up with the money. Maybe if AEG does a great job they’ll get a better, profitable deal in the rest of the world.

Yes, at some point, everybody drops out. The deal becomes too expensive. Not only for the promoters, but the public.

But this is what income inequality has wrought. Acts pissed that record sales have dropped have raised ticket prices so high the public has now cried UNCLE!

MOBILE PROVIDER

Verizon.

You live by your connection. It’s the key to your life. We live in an era of communication and information, and if you don’t have a signal, you’re out of the loop. Verizon has more service in more locations and more LTE than any other provider.

Sprint is LTE challenged.

AT&T is a bit better, but still sucks.

T-Mobile is so lame, they had to reinvent their business model.

Don’t be afraid to change. Just because tens of millions of people are on AT&T, that does not mean it doesn’t suck.

You can either live in nirvana or nowheresville.

Switch to Verizon immediately.

(And don’t trust me, trust “Consumer Reports,” where Verizon is at the top and AT&T at the bottom in every survey. And, of course, Verizon is not perfect, it doesn’t work at your house, get the service that does.)

MOBILE PHONE

iPhone 5.

I’m not going to get into an Android versus iPhone debate. If you are a power user and happy with your Android, that’s fine by me. But the reason you use the iPhone is because of uniformity, they all work the same, support, you can just walk into the Genius Bar, the curated app store and its lack of malware, and the ability to upgrade the software easily.

iPHONE TO BUY

The iPhone 5.

Do not cheap out and buy a 4S or a 4. That’s just plain ignorant. You think you’re saving $100 or $200, but the real story is you’re paying for these phones over two years, the life of the contract, so you should get the best. Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.

And the reason you want the iPhone 5 is not the faster chip or the extra row of icons, but LTE. Surfing on LTE on Verizon is faster than many people’s home connection. The 4S and 4 are 3G devices only. LTE is to 3G as cycling is to walking.

COMPUTER

The one you’ve got.

Don’t buy a new computer unless yours is broken or doesn’t do something. Yes, if you upgrade you’ll get something faster, but you’re mainly surfing the web, and that’s more a function of your Internet connection than your chip/hardware.

IF YOU BUY A NEW COMPUTER

Get a Mac. Because Windows 8 sucks. Trying to be everything, it’s nothing.

INTERNET CONNECTION

Cable or FiOS, that’s it. Absolutely do not buy home DSL, it’s positively glacial in speed. You think you’re saving money on the triple-play, but the joke is on you. You want at least 15 down and 1 up. Go to speedtest.net and check your speed. If it does not reach these numbers, upgrade.

AUTOMOBILE

Japanese.

German cars are better engineered and provide a better driving experience.

Despite the hype, American autos still aren’t as problem free.

Just buy a Toyota and forget about it. If you need European status, know that you’re gonna pay for it.

California leads in automobiles. The best-selling model? The Toyota Prius.

Yes, the Tesla Model S is a dream, but if you don’t think there’s a penalty in being an early adopter, you’ve never been one.

STREAMING MUSIC SERVICE

Unclear.

Spotify is the leader, but its search sucks and there are too many pauses. MOG, soon to be Daisy, has high quality streams, but a bad interface. The problem with Rdio is no one else is on it. And first and foremost, music is social.

You must have a streaming service subscription. Otherwise, you’re out of the loop. You need to be able to check out new music instantly. There are no long term contracts. Sign up for Spotify today and be prepared to switch if something else is better and that’s where all the people end up going.

DOWNLOADS

Don’t buy ’em. A waste of money. They sound bad and are not forever. Oh, they’ll last forever, it’s just that technology marches on and today’s formats are left in the dust. Just try opening a Word 1.5 document in today’s program.

Streaming wins.

Just about everything available on iTunes is available for streaming. And when new, higher quality formats come online, you won’t have to upgrade your collection.

CDs

For the ignorant. Vinyl sounds better. But they’re both impractical, and we live in an era of convenience.

ONLINE VIDEO SERVICE

Forget Vimeo, DailyMotion is only good for porn, YouTube wins. That’s what the old guard doesn’t understand about the Internet. There’s one winner. One iTunes, one Amazon, one YouTube…

TELEVISION

Samsung.

Everything’s good, but Samsung is the best, and no more expensive than its direct competition. Of course you can buy a plasma with better blacks, but that format is not forever, just ask Pioneer.

BEST HOME COFFEE MACHINE

Technivorm Moccamaster.

It’s about the water, getting it hot enough.

Don’t cheap out. You drink coffee every day, you spend so much on beans, lay out the almost three hundred dollars, you’ll thank me.

BEST PRINTER

HP.

Because they own the market. Competitors are good, but HP will update drivers first. In tech, you want to go where the swarm does.

BEST COLLEGE

The best one you get into. You can employ the ratings at the “U.S. News & World Report” to guide you. I’m not saying they’re accurate, but they reflect perception. And you don’t go to college to learn in the classroom, but outside of it, by interaction with the students. You’ll upgrade your game by hanging with smarter, sharper, more worldly students. If you need training, go to graduate school. If you’re worried about the money… Top tier colleges are worth it. They’re worth borrowing for. If you don’t get into one and are worried about cash, go for the cheaper option, save money, your mileage will be the same at the second or third tier liberal arts school as it will be at the state university.

BEST NEWS SOURCE

“New York Times” or “Wall Street Journal.”

Because they both still have reporters. The locals have cut back too far and there’s no depth in TV coverage, all they’ve got is the reporters you see on screen. Forget the financials, forget the supposed liberal bias, the “New York Times” sets the agenda for both parties, because it provides the most comprehensive coverage.

BEST PREMIUM CABLE CHANNEL

Showtime.

You really need both Showtime and HBO, but even though HBO shows get most of the press, there’s more risk and more depth on Showtime.

BEST CABLES

Monoprice.

Don’t waste your money on anything more expensive.

BEST E-MAIL PROVIDER

Gmail.

Get off of AOL, it’s too slow. You could receive e-mail days late. Gmail’s got all the features you want and Google keeps investing in it, everybody’s there for a reason.