“Pop-Tarts…they can’t go stale because they were never fresh!”

Long form entertainment, it’s the wave of the future.

Huh? Don’t we live in the short attention span era?

WRONG! Ignore everything said by anybody who proffers this theory. Ever see a kid play video games? You can’t tear him away. The truth is we all want to dig deeper, and he who realizes this will own the future.

Huh? Aren’t you the wanker who tells musicians to stop making albums?

“A small amount of too much spoils the whole thing.”

That’s why Jerry didn’t do another season of “Seinfeld.” He was worried about compromising the white hot relationship between the show and its fans. Once it’s not quite as good, it’s awful. Kind of like a standup…he’s genius if he kills for an hour ten, after an hour and a half, it’s way too much, you’re looking at your watch, you’re ready to go home. Come on, you’ve had this feeling at the gig. You can’t believe you’re there, that they’re playing your song! And it’s not that you don’t want to hear any more, but that special feeling…it’s evaporating.

But first you need an audience. That’s your goal. And if you think you gain an audience through an album, you’re clueless about relationships. Relationships are fostered on specialness, then you bring on the quantity.

I watched Seinfeld’s show from its inception, because I was aware of him from late night TV, with his routine about the supermarket and women…that’s why they call it the “checkout” line. But despite being on Johnny Carson for nine years, NBC never offered him a gig. It was his manager, George Shapiro, who started the conversation. Shapiro sent a one sentence letter to the NBC brass, saying he saw Jerry on NBC in the future.

Huh. I was just discussing this last night. Trink said you need to put yourself out there, you need a plan…I always wait for things to come to me. Maybe Trink’s right.

And Jerry takes the meeting and doesn’t pitch an idea. He hasn’t got one. But then he tells the story to Larry David, they go to a restaurant, goof on some people, and Larry says…THIS IS THE SHOW!

And the rest is both TV and comedy history.

And recently, Jerry’s bugged me. He’s so self-satisfied.

But listening to him on Stern I became aware…that’s who Jerry is! It isn’t because he had a hit TV show and made millions, he was the same damn guy before he made it. That’s what long form does…give you insight.

Yup, I sat in my car in the eighty degree heat for over an hour, parked, I couldn’t turn Seinfeld off.

And I’m not saying you’ll be just as fascinated, but I am saying that we’ve got unlimited time for that which interests us.

And Jerry kept stressing that Stern’s show is all about honesty, so he kept telling the real story. How he really didn’t put that much time in before he made it, only four years. How he saw no need to put women and blacks on “Seinfeld,” but after ten episodes Colin Quinn told him he was gonna get in trouble for it, and he did.

Howard didn’t ask Jerry about meeting his wife right after her honeymoon, but that’s not to say the questions were softballs. But the more you heard Jerry speak, the more you liked him. Because first and foremost he’s a comedian.

That’s the problem with “artists” today. They want fame, they want riches, but they don’t want to be the thing that got them there. They want to go to the Lakers game, but they don’t want to rehearse.

Yes, Jerry is working all the time.

No, he cannot go to a restaurant and turn it off. He’s always looking for what’s funny. Thank god his wife is amenable to that. You think you want to marry a celebrity? Be ready to have little one on one time with your beloved, and when they’re there, they still might be checked out.

Kind of like Seinfeld’s father. His mother married him because he was the life of the party. But once he got home…he could be morose and depressed.

Which is what Jerry said about life… You want to find the gig you can tolerate. Yup, that’s where you end up, with the torture you can handle. It ain’t fun. Oh, sometimes it is. But really, it’s work!

That’s what wannabes don’t understand. That’s why I respect people who graduate from college. Not because they learn anything there, but because they endured it! Everything I learned in college was outside the classroom. I spent hours reading “Rolling Stone” and “Fusion” and “Crawdaddy” and so many magazines you’ve never heard the name of. But I knew what the game was, I played it, stretching its limits, of course, I could tell you stories, and it’s like I survived boot camp, or a war, it informs who I am.

But the youngsters and the dropouts… They’ve got the will, but no history. The army breaks you down, turns you into someone who can be counted on… That’s what I want, someone I can count on!

I don’t want the most beautiful wife.

And I don’t want the most loquacious friend.

First and foremost I want people I can count on. Who will be there. Because life is no picnic, I want to be lifted up when I’m worn out and pushed forward when I don’t want to play anymore. It takes a special kind of person to do this, look for them.

And I’m interested in process. Howard gets that from musicians too, but you don’t see it anywhere else. Based on the music press, you’d think songs are delivered instantaneously, by God. The truth is many are written by committee, there’s no there there, whereas Jerry said he wouldn’t want to use anybody else’s jokes, the thrill is in working it out yourself.

In other words, most of the act no one ever sees. If you’re only interested in the fame, good luck! It ain’t never gonna work for you.

And Jerry knows who he is. He says he’s not as good as Carlin or Pryor, then again, he knows how great his TV show was, he’s loath to do another one, he knows it could never be as good.

But Jerry’s not about sitcoms or movies, he’s about being a comedian. He won’t go on Fallon and only do the couch, he’s got to perform, he’s got to do standup, that’s who he IS!

P.S. It was the human things that really touched me…the uncomfortableness of going to parties. Jerry’s found out that people love to talk about themselves, and if you listen long enough, everybody has an interesting story to tell. But really, he’d rather talk with comedians. I feel exactly the same way, the discomfort, the listening and the desire at the end…to have been somewhere else!

Howard Stern Interviews Jerry Seinfeld 06/26/13

Blurred Lines Explicit Version

What stuns me is there are only 468,309 views.
In other words, virality is still in the offing.
You see the clothed version:

Blurred Lines Clothed Version

Has 63,798,395 views as of this writing. And the track, Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” is sitting at number one on the iTunes chart, as well as the tippity-top of “Billboard”‘s Hot 100.

So far, it’s been a tempest in a teapot, the mainstream newspapers and the television stations appear to be unaware that in this major label video, viewable on Vevo, there are BOOBIES!

I’d like to tell you this a big deal, that I watched the video a dozen times, but the truth is boobies are all over the Internet, just go to Google! Yup, Google is the gateway to porn, just turn off safe search and enter your own sexual predilection, and whoomp, there it is!

I know, I know, that’s not all there is to it, the controversy, wherein the intelligentsia is calling it “rape hop,” but when they show the shot wherein it’s stated “Robin Thicke Has A Big Dick,” if you don’t laugh you’ve got a tiny one.

Huh.

So, does she want it? Is he taking advantage of her or…is he imploring her to give him some?

Oh, there are dope and sexual references and you’ve got to give this track credit, it’s delineating the truth of today’s society.

In other words, it ain’t the seventies anymore, where you flaunt your body hair and burn your bra. And we could lament the passage of that ethos, but the truth is we presently live in a sexualized society where you don’t go to the show to stand silently enraptured by the stars on stage, but the club wherein you do your best to be the star yourself.

In other words, baby boomers believe in winners and losers. Millennials believe everyone gets to party, they’re all in it together, but the oldsters do not understand.

So what do we have here?

A rip-off/remake of a Marvin Gaye track, “Got To Give It Up”:

Marvin Gaye~Got to give it up

Unfortunately, Marvin Gaye was a musical innovator, and Robin Thicke is not, but there are worse influences.

But come on, you’ve got to give Thicke, et al, credit for testing limits. Sure, it’s about the marketing, but in a nation where gay marriage is front and center, puritanism too often rules the media.

In other words, you can’t use the F word on radio.

But it’s just fine on the Internet.

As are the aforementioned boobies.

P.S. In the old days, the label would have sent out a press release about this video, i.e. when Madonna’s clip was banned from MTV. But today, you just put it out and let the story percolate. And it’s always the same, insiders shrug their shoulders and those who’ve got no interest pontificate. Kinda like Amanda Palmer not paying backup musicians. De rigueur when she was a nobody. But once she gained some traction, people weighed in who didn’t care. And now Amanda’s a big star, assuming you equate publicity with stardom, believe Kim Kardashian has achieved the pinnacle of success, but if you can sing one Amanda Palmer song, I’d be stunned.

P.P.S. Controversy sells. But you’ve got to go up and toe the line, you can’t be shy. I’ve e-mailed this clip to people who would not only never listen to Robin Thicke, but have no idea who he is.

P.P.P.S. Music is not what it once was. It’s the sauce, not the main meal. You see what we’ve got here is good time party culture. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s wholly different from sitting alone, stoned at home, spacing out to Pink Floyd or Yes. Then again, both Pink Floyd and Yes broke because they were different and great, qualities those bitching they’ve got no traction in today’s public consciousness rarely have.

P.P.P.P.S. Pop music, when done right, is a reflection of society. Truth is boys don’t wear jeans to clubs and girls do dress like they might be headed for the pole. I’m uninterested in fashion, but I do understand it’s about personal expression. And with today’s cheap attire, you can wear a different costume every day. Once again, you’re the star.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Summer means freedom, this song and video match the season perfectly.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Paula Deen may have lost her job, but in music, races integrate, and that’s a good thing.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. If you’ve got your knickers in a twist over this, Robin Thicke and his cohorts are laughing. You bought in. The way to make something go away is to ignore it, not to throw gasoline on the fire, opining when it’s not your field to begin with.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. No, “Blurred Lines” is not made to last. That’s not the point of today’s pop music. It’s grist for the mill, it’s disposable, just like that dress you bought at Forever 21.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Dancing is sexual, music is sexual, if you’re denying this, you’ve never hit the dance floor. Instead of criticizing, jump in!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. No means no. Boys do cross the line, unfortunately. But girls have more power than ever before.

I was scared out of my wits.

On the very first weekend of college, I was in the backseat of a Pontiac Trans Am driven 110 MPH down the curves of Route 125, separating the two halves of the Middlebury College campus. Frijid Pink was on the 8-track, I was wearing no seat belt, and I was about to scream for my Mommy.

I felt exactly the same way last night. Only the driver of the Trans Am had been to racing school, and the Tesla had quicker acceleration.

Is Elon Musk the new Steve Jobs?

Looks like it. When he said he was going to solve the 405 construction clusterf*&^, everybody in L.A. believed him. He’s the new rock star. Because unlike the phonies in the magazines, he’s beholden to nobody and he plays by his own rules. And as monumental as his achievements are with SpaceX, it’s his consumer product that’s truly making inroads into the public consciousness, the electric car, the Tesla.

Maybe you’re aware of the “New York Times” brouhaha, wherein the writer pooh-poohed the range of the automobile and Elon Musk provided the data. Whoops! That’s what’s wrong with old media, it no longer understands the game. The fact that this car was more computer than automobile never occurred to the scribe, that Musk was tracking every move that was made, from the venues visited to the speed driven to the length and the amount of the fill-ups.

Yes, that’s what’s holding back the electric car. The range.

Not that anybody in L.A. is going to exceed the two hundred plus mile range of the Tesla Model S, because there’s nowhere to go that’s not close and if you can afford one of these automobiles and you desire to go that distance…you fly.

Yes, Tesla is for the rich.

For now.

What an interesting perspective. Musk is selling technology, not an automobile. You know technology, you price it high for the early adopters, and when you’ve got all the kinks worked out, you lower the price and you’ve got a bona fide hit.

In other words, if you’ve been to Beverly Hills recently, you’d think they’re giving Teslas away, that’s how prevalent they are. And I’ve been up close and personal, even at the “showroom” on the Third Street Promenade, but I’ve never been inside, I’ve never been taken for a spin.

But how do you get inside?

You see the door handles are recessed into the body. There’s nowhere to grip!

Turns out as you approach the automobile, it senses this fact, and the door handles pop out. It’s mesmerizing…

And you don’t bother to turn the car on. You just sit down and it knows, it fires up by itself.

And then there’s the dashboard screen. The size of two iPads, bigger. Touch-sensitive. With not only maps and radio controls, but Internet access, yup, all your e-mail is right there.

In other words, Elon Musk is making a car for today. This ain’t the music industry, this ain’t Detroit, there’s no shrugging of shoulders and talk of legacy customers and insurmountable challenges…the Tesla is positively now, as my buddy says, it’s not a car, it’s a computer.

And you can barely hear it.

And there’s none of that jerkiness as you switch gears. Because there’s not a transmission, but a rheostat, and when you floor it…IT TAKES OFF LIKE A ROCKET!

0-60 in 3.9 seconds. All you’ve got to do is press the pedal to the metal.

Or as “Automobile Magazine” said:

“It’s the performance that won us over. The crazy speed builds silently and then pulls back the edges of your face. It had us all endangering our licenses.”

I was scared s*&^less! It was like being at Magic Mountain, but without the confidence that engineers had assured my safety. Could my buddy handle all this speed?

Jon Landau may have declared Bruce Springsteen the future of music.

But I’m declaring Tesla the future of the automobile.

You’ve just got to go for a test drive.

Yup, I’ve seen all the accolades, the highest rating ever in “Consumer Reports,” but in a world filled with hype, with superlatives straining credulity, you never really get it until you experience it. Kind of like music, the hardest thing is getting people to listen. How many people getting the new Jay-Z album for free are gonna listen to it through and through, ad infinitum? Not many!

But everybody with a Tesla can’t stop talking about it. The media isn’t selling the Tesla, the owners are. How the car updates itself overnight. How they come to your house to fix it. How there’s a trunk not only in the back, but the front!

Leafs are great. Hybrids are cool. But if you truly want to penetrate public consciousness, shoot for the apex, the pinnacle, wow them, then you’ve got a chance.

You couldn’t understand why you needed a computer.

Then AOL connected the world and you rushed out to buy one.

You couldn’t understand why you needed a smartphone…then your friends were frustrated they could not reach you on the run.

Oh you’re gonna drive an electric car, you just don’t know it yet.

This is no Bricklin, this is no DeLorean, because unlike those failed experiments, the Tesla just works.

I’d love to be pontificating so positively about a record.

But I haven’t heard one so groundbreaking, so flawless, in a very long time.

While you’re trying to placate the gatekeepers, while you’re trying to fulfill expectations, Elon Musk is ignoring Detroit, ignoring the naysayers, he started with a clean slate and delivered something jaw-dropping.

This used to happen in music.

Remember the Beatles? Remember Bob Dylan?

Then again, they were enterprises unto themselves, they didn’t bitch that they couldn’t make enough money.

Elon Musk is not a crybaby.

And that’s why he’s successful and you’re not.

DON’T STRIVE FOR UBIQUITY

We no longer live in a monoculture, we no longer all watch MTV and listen to the same radio station, so don’t plot your career like we’re all still living in the pre-Internet era.

PUBLICITY IS OVERRATED

You may feel good that there’s a story about you in the newspaper, but it will probably have little impact on your career. Kind of like the Jason Isbell buzz. He was in the “New York Times Magazine” and less than a month later everybody’s talking about Kanye and Jay-Z. And the Kanye buzz is already declining. There’s just too much information today, and the more you try to appeal to everybody, the less people actually care.

DON’T DEPEND ON THIRD PARTIES

Being an artist is doing it your way. Now you no longer need a label, gatekeepers are not as powerful as they once were, so why are you playing to them? Of course it’s more difficult going your own way, but that’s the paradigm of the future. He who plays by the rules gets left behind.

EVERYTHING THAT LASTS STARTS OUT SLOW

If you get hosannas immediately, your work is probably not challenging or different enough to sustain. If people don’t look at you quizzically after being exposed to your work, you’re not doing it right. You can either be a leader or a follower. Leading is much more difficult, which is why you see everybody following, whether it be making soundalike music or competing on a TV talent show.

YOU’RE SELLING YOURSELF, NOT A PHYSICAL PRODUCT

Focus on your identity. Not only your work, but your personality. In a world where everybody’s tweeting, facebooking and vining, having no edge is anathema. Give Kanye credit for stating his positions. The media trumpets what he has to say because it’s so radically different from everything else. Jay-Z makes a new business deal, Kanye focuses on the art…there’s a difference.

WORLDLINESS PAYS

Ever wonder why teen phenoms fade? Because their fame is all they’ve got, there are no underpinnings. Life is the basis of your art, your personal experiences, what you learn. Taking business classes in college might get you a gig at a bank, but if you want to be an artist, you’ve got to focus on the humanities.

THERE IS NO SAFETY NET

Unless you’re willing to walk into the wilderness and never come back, you’ll never make it.

SUCCESS HAPPENS AFTER YOU’RE READY TO GIVE UP

Every legend contemplated giving up, if not committing suicide. Artists are outsiders, loners, it hurts to be estranged from society when all you really want to be is understood.

TRUTH SELLS

That’s what broke the original hip-hop hits.

PERSONAL SELLS

Anybody who tells you to bland your work out to make it more relatable is clueless. It’s the personal that’s universal.

TRUST NO ONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF

You’re the only one with your agenda.

IF YOU’RE UPSET ABOUT FAILING, YOU HAVEN’T FAILED ENOUGH

That’s from Meredith Whitney, in this week’s “Bloomberg Businessweek.” She was the lone woman where she worked…forget the hogwash about mentors, about help, you help yourself. Furthermore, in 2008 Whitney was on the cover of “Fortune” and says

“There really wasn’t that much recognition about it at my firm, and that was disappointing to me. Not even a pizza party. I know that sounds silly, but it felt important.”

Whew! If you’re looking for a pat on the back, if you’re looking for recognition from your peers, you’re not testing any limits.

HAVE OUTSIDE INTERESTS

You will not get your best insights, your best stimulation, from hanging with musicians and reading trade magazines.

THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST ARE NOT IN MUSIC

Read this “Fast Company” story about Toms shoes:

TOMS SETS OUT TO SELL A LIFESTYLE, NOT JUST SHOES

You’ll learn more and gain more insight than devouring an issue of “Rolling Stone,” because this story is not all hype and this guy is not purely about the sell. He failed before he succeeded and he’s evaluating what he’s done. Today’s musicians are all winners, how boring.

PERSEVERANCE IS KEY

Never quit.

And isn’t it interesting that the people who say they won’t quit do, and those who continue keepin’ on just do so silently. Perseverance is a skill, too often untaught in today’s instant gratification world. Greatness comes from frustration. If you haven’t lost sight of the destination, you’re on the wrong road.

TALENT IS EVERYTHING

The name of the band, the album cover…they’re irrelevant if the music is great. Same deal with live performance…you can’t give away tickets to something no one wants to see, time is too precious, it’s too much of an effort to go.

TECH IS NOT MUSIC

It’s just that the best and the brightest go into tech as opposed to music. Sure, Steve Jobs dropped out of college, but so many of the winners in tech have graduate degrees, frequently from prestigious institutions. They’re willing to pay their dues in a way musicians are not.

10,000 HOURS IS NOT A GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS

Read Gladwell’s book. Timing is key. Furthermore, it’s 10,000 hours of hard practice. Not playing the same classic rock covers over and over again in a bar.

HAVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS

Everybody’s got an agenda. When someone tells you something evaluate where they’re coming from as opposed to accepting it as truth.

LEARN HOW TO SAY NO

There could be a cost to taking that money.

IGNORE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM

Netflix was godhead, then toast and now godhead again. Huh? People can’t see the future and they’re not living in the building. Most of what people say is uninformed crap.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SAY

It’s a full time job dealing with the haters. Furthermore, their goal is to get you to engage and to drag you down into the hole they’re in. Blaze your own path and forget about them.

EXPOSURE DOES NOT ALWAYS PAY DIVIDENDS

People ask you to work for free, put your music in their production for the “exposure.” They’re hustlers. The exposure frequently results in nothing. Oftentimes their audience is limited. Ask for money, if they’re unwilling to pay, walk on. Yup, if you get your music in a TV show be thrilled with the check, not the exposure, most of it’s just gonna float down the river into the great big sea, i.e. be forgotten.

DON’T BE HOLIER THAN THOU

Oh, people may accuse you of this, ignore them. The point is don’t get defensive and don’t stand on the mountaintop preaching that you know the answer. I’m gonna let you in on a little secret…we’re all clueless!