We hate him, but he wins.

In other words, the execs come and go, but the talent remains.

Jimmy Fallon has a terrific show. But if NBC lets Jay Leno go, he’ll just jump to FOX and trounce everybody. Comedians are not athletes, their skills don’t wane over time. This is ageism at its worst.

Who hates Leno?

Insiders and hipsters.

It’s kind of like firing Nickelback, giving them away because of critical backlash. But the mainstream public LOVES Nickelback.

You don’t have to go. You don’t have to watch Leno.

I far prefer Letterman, but Dave hasn’t been the same since he went to 11:35 two decades back. He junked the wrestling shoes, put on three piece suits and playing to everybody, lost some of his edge. I’ve missed Dave for years, he was unmissable at 12:35. And if he does anything worth seeing… I’ll catch it on the replay on YouTube.

So much is made of the YouTube antics of Kimmel and Fallon. But they’re using it to fight up the ladder. Going from down below to higher up. Whereas Leno is the perennial king! He beat Dave and they demoted him to ten p.m., and then he won again at 11:35, replacing Conan, the previous great young hope, who might still be on television, but is no longer part of the national discussion.

And putting Fallon on an hour earlier is actually the safe thing to do. The chat show is decades old, and the last person to reinvent it was Letterman himself, with the help of Merrill Markoe. Johnny Carson didn’t always make jokes, he sometimes listened. How much sillier can we get, maybe we need a return to substance!

But one thing’s for sure… Late night TV doesn’t mean what it used to. If for no other reason than you can punch up something on your DVR instead of being subjected to the hype of two-dimensional stars. Yup, these actors and actresses and celebrities are only on to sell, and since they’re selling, they’re appearing EVERYWHERE! You can get the story, assuming you care, online the next day.

The fact that this is big news is jaw-dropping.

Other than the fact that they’re screwing Jay Leno one more time.

He won, he’s the king, he continues to be the king, but you’re gonna put him out to pasture all in the name of making the show younger even though the latest info says that older people do buy products and young demos are not everything.

Just bugs me the way they’re piling up on Leno.

He’s starting to fight back. Something he’s refused to do before. Maybe we’re finally getting a new, edgier Jay, one closer to Rodney Dangerfield, one who gets no respect, but deserves much.

“‘Tonight,’ With New Host, Set to Reclaim Its New York Roots”

Jews. They eat Chinese food on Sunday nights. It’s even in Clive’s book!

I’m in Toronto. For Canadian Music Week. I had a rather uneventful flight in, although I did notice there was constantly a queue for the bathroom, are two loos in a 737 enough? And the flight attendants, they had attitude. Remember when gas used to come with service? Not long from now you’re gonna go on the plane and get your own drinks. Then again, why drinks and no food? I know, they’ll charge you NOT to clean up. Buying an airline ticket is no longer a simple feat. The extras are both dazzling and daunting. And despite being Gold on American, I learned in the paper that on certain flights, 80% of the passengers have priority access. Yup, they sold that too, used to be you had to EARN your status. No more!

And we waited an hour in immigration. When I say we, I mean me and Ralph Simon. I’ve never waited this long before, but it gave us a chance to catch up. Once upon a time a publisher, Clive Calder’s partner, Ralph is now a majordomo in the mobile business. And he still has roots in Africa. He squired a dignitary to the TED conference. What Ralph liked most about TED was the access. You wanted to talk to Sergey, he was RIGHT THERE!

And, Ralph gave me a copy of Prince Rupert Loewenstein’s book. You know, the Stones’ financial advisor. It just came out in the U.K.

And after getting Candice’s life story on the drive in, Jake and I went to Spadina Garden.

Yes, it’s about life stories. That’s what’s most fascinating about this traveling circus known as rock and roll. You think it’s about the music, but if you’re in it you know it’s about the people.

Jake wanted to take me for sushi.

But after telling Larry LeBlanc about Spadina Garden, the Chinese restaurant right around the block, where Cohl used to hang out, I asked him, WHY AREN’T WE GOING THERE?

It’s Cantonese!

We didn’t know from Hunan back in the sixties. We thought there was only one kind of Chinese food. The only difference was the locations.

My mother never cooked on Sunday night. We always went out. Usually Chinese, sometimes Italian.

The pizza in Bridgeport…

Pizza is kind of like bagels, it’s been bastardized. Pizza is a round pie with a very thin crust underneath and a huge brown crust on the outside that is laden with tomato sauce, cheese and an oil slick on top. If you lift a piece with one hand, the toppings slide off. If you eat a bite as soon as you sit down, the roof of your mouth is scarred for a week.

Yes, we had toppings back in Connecticut. Sausage more than pepperoni. And green peppers. And ONIONS! I LOVE onions! Remember that Soupy Sales character, Onions Oregano?

Now I’m getting way too far off point.

But of course I’ll eat Cantonese, I want to be in touch with my roots.

Yup, one thing about Jews, we’re tribal. You can grow up in New York or Toronto or Calgary, but we all speak the same language.

Which brings me back to bagels…

A bagel is first and foremost plain, otherwise referred to as a “water bagel.” If you’re not risking a broken tooth when you first bite down, throw it away. The inside should be chewy. There should be substance. If you think the bagel is related to bread, soft and doughy, then it’s not a bagel.

Jews all know from Chinese food. I’m not sure of the history, but if you find a Jew who doesn’t know how to order at a Chinese restaurant, he’s a convert!

And Jake wants ribs…

That’s the first thing that entices you as a little kid, the spare ribs. You make your parents order them. They get burned out on them, but you never do. They’re nothing like BBQ, they’re thin and red and there’s very little meat, but boy are they delicious.

But in Toronto, it turns out the ribs are fried. Who knew? This old dog can always learn new tricks.

And Jake ordered Szechuan chicken, and green beans, and then he asked me if I wanted any soup.

SOUP! They’ve got war wonton soup?

I don’t know when they decided to call it “war,” it was just “wonton” growing up, but it’s still the same. You’ve got a liquid just this side of dishwater, with some snap peas, a bit of pork and dumplings. To eat wonton soup is to be jetted back to my youth, to make me believe life isn’t about acquisitions, but experiences.

NO! CHICKEN CORN SOUP!

Huh? I’d never heard of it. And my corn days are through, I don’t need that much starch, but I haven’t had corn soup since the sixties, when every now and then I had corn chowder… SURE!

I’m that kind of eater. If you believe in it, I’ll try it.

And that was the highlight of the night, the corn chowder soup. There was very little corn, but a ton of egg drop, which I normally hate, but was perfect this evening. And a bit of chicken. Jake says it’s even better with crab, but this was pretty damn good.

But what made it better was the hot sauce. You know, that seedy pasty stuff that’s too hot for amateurs? Jake ordered some of that and stirred it in the soup.

Hell, I’m up for adventure!

And I LOVE heat!

I just couldn’t stop eating it.

Not that it needed to be featured on Triple-D, but the whole experience titillated me and warmed my heart.

Yes, warm.

It’s freezing cold in Toronto. It may be the first day of spring, but there were flurries in the air when I landed.

And you need your winter coat, and some gloves and a hat. And when you walk inside you stamp your feet and let the heat wash over you. And food is not only sustenance, but a way to warm yourself from the inside.

So we’re sitting in this dump of a place, with Formica tables, they could clear it out and turn it into a drugstore overnight, and the lights are bright and I’m eating way too much, even though I’m almost hungry again, and we’re talking about our lives and I tell myself…

I’m right where I wanna be.

THEN

Howard Stern left terrestrial too early, he became societally marginalized.

NOW

Howard is king of his niche and reaches a larger audience than any of the late night talk shows. Reminds me of Bryan Adams recording “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You.” AOR considered him a sell-out. Soon AOR was toast and Adams had a career as a crooner.

THEN

If you were all over the press, everybody had heard your music.

NOW

Almost no one has heard Amanda Palmer’s music.

THEN

If you had a tiny core audience, you were financially challenged.

NOW

If you have a tiny core audience, you can raise enough money to make your album on Kickstarter, and own the copyright to boot. Just don’t think since you raised all that cash anybody other than the core is going to be interested in what you produce.

THEN

Albums all cost the same price.

NOW

Hard core fans will pay for special packages, delivered most famously by Topspin. If you’re not tapping the deep pockets of your hard core fans, you’re leaving money on the table.

THEN

You put out one album every three years, it took that long to reach every potential audience member.

NOW

You release music constantly, to satiate the core, no one beyond it cares. In the old days, your favorite act released an album when you were in high school and when the next one came out you were married and had babies. Now, if an act waits until the summer to follow up their fall release, it’s too long.

THEN

Music was scarce, so when we bought albums we played them.

NOW

Music is plentiful. Only the hard core wants to go beyond the hits. Are you playing to the core or to the masses who don’t care?

THEN

You were on late night TV and everybody knew your name.

NOW

You’re on late night TV and all you get is a stinking high-priced video.

THEN

If you opened for a major act, you believed you’d made it.

NOW

You play the festival and you’re forgotten within the year.

THEN

Marketing was top-down. You spent a lot of money and convinced everybody they should pay attention. I.e. Mariah Carey.

NOW

Marketing is from the ground up and Tommy Mottola is out of work and Mariah Carey is on a TV show that no one talks about anymore.

THEN

Major labels were interested in careers.

NOW

Major labels are interested in hit singles. They’ve got to make the quarterly numbers, for their bonuses. Short term corporate thinking hasn’t only hurt the industrial companies.

THEN

The Police traveled around the world, breaking their music, playing wherever their visionary manager had been with his CIA father.

NOW

You create YouTube videos at home, all in search of virality.

THEN

It was about the music.

NOW

It’s about the marketing. Just because you know how to use Final Cut Pro and can create an interesting visual, that does not mean anybody wants to listen to your music.

THEN

There was a bar. Either you were signed to a major label or were irrelevant.

NOW

There is no bar, everybody gets to play. And the public is so overwhelmed in this chaotic world that it’s hard to get anybody to even listen to your music.

THEN

There were record reviews in magazines and newspapers and they meant something.

NOW

Everybody’s got a blog and believes they’re a writer and the audience is so overwhelmed with opinions that they pay attention to almost none of them.

THEN

If you had a hit, it could not be escaped. They played it at the game, in public spaces…

NOW

They play classic rock in public places. You think your number one record is known by everybody, but you’re sorely mistaken.

THEN

The mainstream media was self-satisfied, believed it was in charge.

NOW

The mainstream media is self-satisfied, believes it’s in charge, when the truth is most people trust narrow but deep websites more than the smorgasbord of news in the mainstream.

THEN

The mainstream blanded itself out ever further to not alienate anybody and gain viewers.

NOW

Bland network TV has sinking ratings, sometimes eclipsed by what’s on cable, which has to be edgy to survive.

THEN

Your song was written by Diane Warren.

NOW

Your song is written by you, otherwise no one cares. The essence of success is honesty.

THEN

The Top Forty divas use more outside songwriters and producers than ever before.

NOW

The day your hits dry up you can’t sell a ticket and the nobodies no one knows continue to ply the boards and earn a living.

THEN

There were stadium shows.

NOW

Only Taylor Swift can sell out a stadium.

THEN

You could live off the money from your record deal.

NOW

If you even have a deal, compensation is low, you’re dependent on the promoter to keep you alive.

THEN

The most powerful person in the music business was the head of the label.

NOW

The most powerful person in the music business is the promoter. Lucian Grainge gets all the ink, but Michael Rapino has all the money. And he with the money triumphs. Universal folds and people still make music. Promoters go under and artists starve.

THEN

You had to buy the record to listen to it. And it was expensive. So if you bought it, you played it and became a fan.

NOW

All music is free. And if it’s not exceptional, you don’t play it, even if the act is a superstar or coming off a number one record.

THEN

We were interested in what classic rock artists had to say.

NOW

We don’t think any classic rock artist has anything to say worth hearing. We don’t want to hear any new material, only the old stuff. Meanwhile, the artists are delusional, they think their new stuff is just as good.

THEN

Bands were rigid, solo albums were rare.

NOW

Everybody’s got a solo project, everybody’s putting covers up on YouTube. We’re in a heyday of creativity.

THEN

You couldn’t get enough music news.

NOW

There’s more music news than anyone can read, and most of it is playing to the lowest common denominator so you ignore it.

THEN

You had no idea what people thought of you and your music.

NOW

People are hating and loving you all over the web at the same time. If you don’t believe in yourself, you become paralyzed and irrelevant.

THEN

Taking chances could kill careers.

NOW

If what you do doesn’t resonate, you just create something new. Now, more than ever, is the time to take an artistic risk.

THEN

What you wore was important.

NOW

Most people have no idea what you look like. Your music is paramount. Ignore the Top Forty wonders, they’re two-dimensional, time-stamped ciphers.

THEN

Being the first to use a new computer technique got you kudos, from Michael Jackson employing morphing technology in the “Black Or White” video to Aerosmith releasing the first digital single to…

NOW

We’ve got future shock. There are so many new technologies that we’re drawn to basics, i.e. music.

THEN

We had universal anthems, like “Stairway To Heaven” and “Free Bird.”

NOW

Nothing lasts.

THEN

MTV was our national jukebox.

NOW

There is no national jukebox. There is no universality. Want everyone to know your name? Then KILL someone. Making music doesn’t lead to ubiquity.

THEN

Being on the cover of “Rolling Stone” meant you made it.

NOW

Being on the cover of “Rolling Stone” means you’ve already made it and the magazine is kissing your butt, your PR person negotiated interview parameters, all so they could sell more copies on the newsstand.

THEN

TV shows were on network and they were either hits immediately or canceled.

NOW

The best TV shows are on cable, and most take years to gain traction, as a result, there’s little backlash. People don’t complain about “Walking Dead,” “Breaking Bad” or “Sons Of Anarchy,” because they’ve earned their keep. Try to jam Lena Dunham down our throats and there’s backlash. And backlash draws attention now, but burns your career our faster. Wanna last? Start slow.

THEN

Albums sold double digit millions.

NOW

You’re lucky to sell one million. Except for Adele. Then again, isn’t it interesting that she can sing and write. What a concept, TALENT!

THEN

CNN was on 24/7 and featured news.

NOW

There’s little news on CNN and if you want to know what’s happening, you go to the web. Hell, CNN’s site is better than the channel!

THEN

You couldn’t sell a record unless you had major distribution.

NOW

Anybody can sell a record. Don’t be sour grapes. If you haven’t made it, it’s your fault, the barriers to entry are incredibly low.

THEN

The charts meant everything.

NOW

Charts are meaningless. Then again, youngsters don’t care about who’s winning, only who THEY’RE interested in.

THEN

David Bowie comes back and he’s not only in the press, he’s all over MTV and the radio and he has a hit with “Let’s Dance.”

NOW

David Bowie comes back and he’s not on the radio and there’s no music on MTV and he doesn’t have a hit.

THEN

Rap was a view from the street.

NOW

Rap is a view from 36,000 feet, outside the window of a private jet.

THEN

Honesty was in rock.

NOW

Honesty is in country.

THEN

Musicians were leaders.

NOW

Musicians are followers.

THEN

You discovered new acts when they opened for your favorites.

NOW

You discover new acts at festivals, you don’t even bother to get there in time to hear the opening act at a regular show.

THEN

TV networks had 90+% of the audience.

NOW

TV networks have less than 30% of the audience.

THEN

Only insiders knew who ran record companies.

NOW

The execs are more famous than the acts.

THEN

The key to success was a good manager.

NOW

The key to success is a good manager.

THEN

It was all about the album.

NOW

It’s all about the single.

THEN

The radio was the tribal drum.

NOW

The mobile phone is the tribal drum.

THEN

You could see upcoming bands in clubs.

NOW

Challenged record companies have stopped supporting clubs so it’s difficult to see new acts at a fair price in an intimate setting. Oh, you can go see crap acts at a cheap price in an intimate setting, but who has that much time to waste?

THEN

Radio was the filter.

NOW

There is no filter.

THEN

Jimmy Iovine was all about the music.

NOW

Jimmy Iovine is all about the money.

THEN

You salivated over magazines and fanzines, which there were not enough of.

NOW

You rely on websites, of which there are far too many, almost none of them of high quality.

THEN

Record reviews mattered.

NOW

Record reviews are irrelevant.

THEN

You were thrilled to be inside the building.

NOW

You can’t stop bitching about security, the seats, and the lines at the poor, overpriced concessions.

THEN

You came home from the gig and told everybody about it the next day at school.

NOW

You’re at the gig and you tell everybody about it from your phone.

THEN

You didn’t think your opinion was universal and deserved to spread.

NOW

You’re pissed if you don’t have millions of followers.

THEN

It was clear who had talent.

NOW

Everybody thinks they have talent.

THEN

Stars were in bed with their fans.

NOW

Stars are angry with their fans, pissed that they’re stealing their music and won’t buy their crappy albums.

THEN

Music was expensive and everybody had little of it.

NOW

Music is cheap and everybody has more than they want.

THEN

People wanted your free music.

NOW

People don’t want your free music, hell, they’ve got the music of superstars free on their computer!

THEN

Facebook was cool.

NOW

Facebook isn’t cool. If bands can fade, why can’t websites?

THEN

You spent hours downloading music from P2P services.

NOW

You just watch what you want on YouTube. Just like the deficit, piracy in music is a red herring. It’s just too much effort. The reason you can’t sell your music in prodigious amounts is it’s just not good enough, not enough people care. When we had limited options and unlimited time we were interested in your substandard work, now with unlimited options and little time we are only interested in the very best.

THEN

The A&R man said he couldn’t hear a single.

NOW

There is no A&R man, none with any signing power.

THEN

The record company was the bank.

NOW

The concert promoter is the bank.

THEN

Videos were expensive and mattered.

NOW

Videos are cheap and matter.

THEN

You had to wait hours for your favorite video to come up on MTV.

NOW

You dial up your favorites on YouTube and listen to them whenever you want, as many times as you want…but you must still endure the commercials.

THEN

You didn’t have time for TV because you were listening to music.

NOW

You don’t have time for music because you’re watching TV.

THEN

Movie stars wouldn’t appear in TV series.

NOW

Movie stars are eager to appear in TV series.

THEN

Record companies were cool.

NOW

HBO and Showtime are cool.

THEN

Documentaries were rare, you went to the theatre to see them.

NOW

Everybody’s got a documentary and you can watch them all online but you don’t want to, because you haven’t got enough time.

THEN

The man wasn’t to be trusted.

NOW

Where do I sell out?