1. Only blockbusters count and make serious dough. Either you’re a superstar or you’re starving. Yes, the Internet allows old folks and some young ‘uns to troll on on a subsistence budget doing house concerts and maybe playing theatres, which have now all been relabeled “clubs,” but the dream of paying your dues and breaking through is just a dream.

2. You have to be great. Elton John great. Yes, Dr. Luke and Max Martin can push an average talent up the chart, but THEY’RE great! Don’t listen the sour grapes patrol decrying Dr. Luke and Max Martin’s talent, they’re brilliant, and they understand the game. If you are unwilling to learn the game, which is much more than knowing how streaming royalties work and bitching about it, you’re going to have a very hard time succeeding.

The game:

a. Anybody with money only wants to invest in money. In other words, anybody in the music business is only interested in you if you can make THEM money. Sure, they might like your music, but unless they can sell you, they don’t want you.

b. Presently, radio is the driver of hits. If your music doesn’t fit on Top Forty radio, which is more open than it was just a few years ago, but still plays very few records, you’re not gonna break through.

3. Money talks. Internet cacophony has made it almost impossible to get your message to rise above the fray. Furthermore, almost nothing sticks. You need a backer to get your message out and to keep getting it out, sorry.

4. Publicity is back in vogue. The Internet is no longer the wild west. It’s solidified. Sure, there are new sites/apps now and again, but almost all get picked up by the usual suspects, i.e. Google and Facebook. Don’t think it’s as easy as paying someone, there are plenty of people who will spam the Web and say it’s not their fault when you don’t get traction. Rather, you need an experienced powerhouse behind you, like a label, that believes you’re commercial, and has relationships with news outlets from newspapers to cable TV to Yahoo. It’s a relationships business, and unless you’ve got ’em, you ain’t goin’ nowhere.

5. If you’re old, no one wants you in music, as either talent or an executive, because unfortunately your demo neither buys nor streams new music…no money, no action. As for execs… You have families, you have obligations, they can get someone younger to work harder for less money. Don’t like it? Sue. And lose. Or start an independent company that ultimately fails. It’s a young people’s business, even though baby boomers don’t like this.

6. Pandora doesn’t break acts.

7. Festivals don’t break acts.

8. One mention in the press might make your heart pitter-patter, but almost no one sees it and no one remembers it.

9. People can smell hype.

10. You only get one chance to make a first impression. And if it’s not spectacular, you’re doomed. Bad news spreads fast and lives forever online.

11. It’s easier to market and sell music than find it. In other words, armchair quarterbacks are a dime a dozen, the music business is not waiting for your expertise, but it is always open to you delivering PHENOMENAL new acts.

12. You don’t have to know how to play, you don’t have to have a great voice, you don’t have to write, but if you can do all three, it puts you miles ahead of everybody else.

13. If you want it, that does not mean it will happen. Forget all the new age/self-help b.s. Staying in the game and wishing it to happen yields almost nothing. Making it is hard work, dependent upon talent, forging relationships and a little bit of luck.

14. Coldplay, Radiohead and Dave Matthews are huge because they snuck in under the wire via the old system, they were the beneficiaries of big TV video play, when that meant something, before the Web obliterated it. Otherwise, they’d be Arcade Fire, which garners great reviews, wins Grammys and most people still have not heard and don’t even care about.

15. There’s tons of money in music, more than ever before, if you’re a superstar, if not, you’re starving.

16. The best and the brightest don’t go into music. There’s not enough money in it.

17. No one cares what you did. They just care what you’re doing.

18. The generations keep changing, people keep getting older, if you had a hit five years ago, and not one since, you’re a has-been who’s on the way to being forgotten, hope you have some fans who can keep you alive on the road.

19. There’s plenty of money in recorded music. Streaming revenue is just gonna rise. But the twenty first century has taught everybody about the other money out there, instead of just the easy money, this is good.

20. Credibility counts.

21. People know when you sell out, and young people care about it.

22. It’s a hits business. It’s ALWAYS been a hits business. You’re not gonna go far unless you’ve got that one big track, sorry.

And a hit is something instant and ubiquitous that cries out for repeat play. It doesn’t have to be featured on the radio, but it frequently is.

1. You’re gonna keep your mobile handset a hell of a lot longer. With T-Mobile shifting the tide to non-subsidized handsets, many people are going to balk at paying $649 for a new iPhone, they believe it’s only $200, the same way some people believe the handset they got for free with a two year contract is really free. If you’ve got an iPhone 5 or the latest Samsung, with LTE connectivity, there’s no reason to get a new one, not a good one, just like there’s no reason to upgrade your computer.

2. Steve Jobs was all about usability. Somehow this message got lost on Spotify. Although their new interface looks cool, it’s much harder to use, and not intuitive. If you’ve got to Google for instruction, the developer missed the boat. And remember, Jobs was all about REMOVING functions as opposed to adding them like Microsoft. And look where Microsoft is today…

3. You don’t need a connection to use a streaming service on your smartphone, you just sync playlists and it’s like owning the tracks (as long as you pay the monthly fee!) But most people still don’t know this, they’re worried about nonexistent data fees, proving that people are stupid and the streaming companies are doing a bad job of getting the message across.

4. Red Bull has a record company. And is heavily involved in music. I know this because my inbox is filling up with people telling me. They got their message across, have you? And are you giving back, doing something that is not your core mission, in order to burnish the image of your brand?

5. Quarterly numbers are for Wall Street only. Just like debut sales are for the music industry, but not the consumer. Publications are migrating to printing the streaming chart, so get people to listen, not buy.

6. Phenomena still exist. I.e. “Frozen.” Sure, it’s a target audience of kids, sure, parents will buy anything for their children, but I haven’t found one person who says the film sucks, and the album is a souvenir, and repeat play builds loyalty, the more you hear it, the more you like it. We had the same phenomenon in the music business with Adele’s “21,” but so far no one’s replicated it. Because in music, unlike with Disney and Pixar, it’s not about getting it right but about getting it out. If you do something superlative, truly better than anything else, it will break through and sustain. Instead the music business is selling good or intermittently great, with all focus on touring revenue. This is a mistake, the same way focusing on production does not add longevity to your concert career. It’s about music, the way it makes people feel, it’s about involving someone as opposed to spectacle.

7. People are victimized by the silos they live in. Most have blinders. If you’re not getting your news from multiple sources, you’re missing out on huge swaths of information. Fox News people should watch MSNBC, and vice versa. And “New York Times” readers should peruse the “Wall Street Journal,” and vice versa.

8. There’s a new rock star in town, he’s Thomas Piketty, a French economist. His book came out in his native language eons ago, but it’s just been put out in English and it states…when return on capital exceeds the rate of economic growth, income inequality is the result. The book is number one on Amazon. This is the issue of our day. While “artists” keep flaunting their wealth, kissing up to corporations all the while, their audience is waking up to the fact that their future is hampered. Want long term success? Raise the difficult questions, get on the side of the people, but it’s all meaningless if you don’t have music as good as Adele, we don’t care what you’ve got to say or your charitable contribution if your music sucks. Your music is your entrance ticket, without it, you’re nothing. No one would have cared that John Lennon said the Beatles were bigger than God if the band hadn’t put out “I Want To Hold Your Hand,” “A Hard Day’s Night” and “Eight Days A Week,” none of which were social commentary.

I’m numb, both literally and figuratively, and not comfortably.

Mama said there’d be days like this, when the best laid plans go to waste.

Yes, plans. I have a birthday routine. Langer’s, a movie and a hot fudge sundae.

It hearkens back to ’77, when I went with my girlfriend to the aforementioned home of America’s best pastrami sandwich and then to C.C. Brown’s and “Annie Hall.” A perfect trio that I’ve repeated ever since. But not today.

So where does this story begin?

Let’s call it the Counter. The overpriced burger joint with too loud music with amazing fries and rings, it’s where I go when I’ve had a bad day and I want to reward myself, yes, some use alcohol, I use food.

And I’m biting down on a soft burger, they employ pre-made patties, which is a mistake, and…

UGH!

I’d just had my teeth cleaned. By a woman who thought she was scraping graffiti from the subway, despite labeling me an excellent flosser. And now…there was a tooth that was moving in two directions at once…IMPOSSIBLE!

So, like a good boy who was brought up by a mother who believed it was illegal to be ill, I ignored it. That’s what happens if you don’t succumb to pain, it goes away. Unless it doesn’t.

And then you end up in the hospital. That happened to me.

But maybe the hygienist just tweaked a nerve, the pain would go away, the same way the pain from LAST YEAR’S April break did.

That’s right, my teeth are crumbling. Well, cracking to be exact. After not having a cavity since my teens, being proud of my rock hard teeth, they suddenly decided to give up the ghost. I’ve sworn off trail mix, my favorite food, but still…they’re going.

So I’m in Utah a week later, and I bite down on some jerky…

I know, bad choice, but I hadn’t eaten in hours, and I feel this sensitivity.

And then I got to wonder…what if this tooth decided to announce itself in Oslo?

It didn’t.

It waited until last night, at our reunion seder, when I bit down on some salmon and…

That’s right, salmon, from Costco, soft and flaky. Suddenly, my birthday plans were in jeopardy.

To say I didn’t sleep soundly is an understatement. You’ve got to go to the dentist immediately if you have sensitivity when you drink, but I didn’t, so I didn’t pull the emergency cord, which I’m always afraid to do, afraid to be judged by the provider, hell, I’m always worried when I show up they’ll give me a hard time, claiming I’m a pussy and there’s nothing wrong.

But not this time.

I was ringing them before they were there. I wanted to get in. I wanted to save the day.

But I didn’t.

They wondered if I could come TOMORROW!

No f’ing way. I can’t EAT!

Okay, I’ll come at 4:30.

And what did I do all day?

Read, and watched the minutes tick by on my iPhone. I was in a state of suspended animation, celebrating my birthday didn’t even enter my mind.

And at first the dentist can’t find the spot. Because I think it’s a tooth that had previous work, it all made sense to me, that the hygienist tweaked a preexisting condition.

But he thought differently. I had to bite down on wood twice to convince myself that another virgin tooth had decided to go.

But how deep was the crack?

This ain’t no amateur dentist. He’s not going by guesswork. He wonders if I have time to walk a few blocks to the endodontist. I’VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, I’VE ALREADY BLOWN MY BIRTHDAY!

So I walk over to Bedford and I’m waiting and waiting and waiting, which means if nothing’s wrong I won’t have time to go back to the dentist and get the crown I crave and…

Finally I’m seen by a mad scientist who resembles no one as much as John Turturro. Someone so caught up in his work he’s giving me detail I’d only need if I went to dental school, which I love, I’m all about information.

And he dives in and says…

We’ve got to go deeper, he needs to shoot me up, and after doing this, he reaches down and removes half of my pearly white and announces that not only do I need a root canal, but probably gum surgery too.

HUH?

And how does he know this dentist anyway, he looks like he just graduated from school.

BECAUSE HE USES A MICROSCOPE!

That’s right, in the last five years there’s been a revolution in endodontics. Either you peer through the microscope or you’re history.

And I’m peeing and texting, waiting for my turn as the minutes tick by, and then I’m in a scene from “Marathon Man,” only much shorter than the last time I had a root canal. I’m running sexual fantasies in my brain, trying to distract myself from the droning of the drill, and then…it’s done.

So I’ve got an appointment at the dentist tomorrow at 9 AM, to see if he can execute a crown or whether I need that aforementioned gum surgery first, since the tooth broke below the line.

And I’m wondering how life plays out…

Is this my future?

I mean I can bang the bumps on the South Rim no problem, but body parts I never think about are saying NO MAS and my best laid plans are jumping the rails.

So, I want to thank all the people who e-mailed, called, tweeted and texted me birthday wishes, I truly appreciate it.

But it hasn’t been a very happy birthday.

But I’m afraid of appearing ungrateful, not responding.

So let the foregoing be my explanation, my excuse.

P.S. The endodontist told me to tell anybody who said I had a big mouth that I didn’t, he’d been inside, he could testify… And I didn’t even tell him I was a writer!

P.P.S. The endodontist told me twice that it was an EMERGENCY! And he doubted if I’d come in a month earlier, when I first felt the pain, that the result would have been any different. So, I guess that’s my big birthday gift…JUSTIFICATION!

Gotta Get To Know You – Spotify

Gotta Get To Know You – YouTube

And this is why algorithms will never replace deejays…

I just got an e-mail from Mike Marrone, of Sirius XM’s Loft, he sent me a track from Foghat’s debut LP that immediately took me to a zone wherein I felt fuzzy all over.

And I’d never ever heard it. Even though Mike figured I had.

That’s the thing about music, it may be recorded in 1’s and 0’s, but it can’t be quantified, it’s something you feel, that changes your life.

And it doesn’t matter if you drop the needle or push play, whether it’s rendered on a $50,000 stereo or comes out of the single speaker in your Chevy, the essence maintains.

Lonesome Dave is singing about getting to know a woman, but what we’ve gotta get to know are numbers like this, lurking on YouTube, buried on Spotify, just waiting for someone to point us to them, not because they want to profit from the exchange, but because they want the payment of the joy they see on our face when we finally listen.

Why is “Gotta Get To Know You” so fantastic?

Because of the MOOD!

That’s why we sat in front of our stereos, why we wanted to pull back the foam on our JBLs and climb inside, because we wanted to merge with this sound, we wanted to be taken away to a fantasyland where we were immersed in warm honey, floating down a river of dreams.

And this is not the kind of stuff you can build by committee. It’s got to emanate from a core of like-minded individuals who pour their hearts into a groove, thrilled that they’re making this music.

Just as much as we’re thrilled to be listening to it.

So, take your eyes off of Katy Perry, get your head out of the Sahara Tent, put down your smartphone and slow down for an ethereal ride inside your own brain. Isn’t that what the Moody Blues sang about, not having to leave your own home, your own mind, to go on an amazing journey?

Yes, “Gotta Get To Know You” is an album cut. Its sound hooks you instantly, but the reward comes in playing it to its conclusion, and then listening once again, not because it’s being trumpeted by the media but because your best friend told you to check it out, because you stumbled upon it at the end of an LP.

Once upon a time, this exquisite number would have been dead and gone, only remembered by the few who heard it the first time around.

But now, through the magic of the Internet, it’s right here for all to enjoy, to be transported to a land where TV and movies don’t matter, where your only desire is to tell everybody you know…LISTEN TO THIS!

But not until you’ve spun it so much it’s bonded with your DNA.

“Gotta Get To Know You” is subtle. There’s no guest rapper. It’s got no superfluous instrumentation. It’s fully-formed, it’s genius on wax, it needs no remixing, no release of stems so fans can place their stamp, it’s sealed, listening to it is like stumbling upon the Dead Sea Scrolls, an artifact from the past.

And Lonesome Dave is long gone. Rod Price too. They’re not going to know you played this. Their heirs are not going to profit handsomely, hell, they didn’t even write it. But money is not what music is about. Cash is just a byproduct. The jism on the sheets that Gene Simmons keeps pointing to that really doesn’t matter.

Because it’s about the experience, whether it be coming or listening to music, it’s what it feels like during, not what you’re left with after.

And these land mines are all over the Web, throughout music history, just when you think you’ve heard it all, you haven’t.

We just need someone to point us to them.

Thank god Mike Marrone pointed this one to me!