Huh?

She’s laughing all the way to the bank.

Did you catch the audience in this clip? Not the automatons dancing and screaming around the stage like this is their last night to live, but those in the seats behind? You’d think they were at an anthropology lecture.

Which in actuality they were. What we’ve got here is a twenty year old so creatively bankrupt that’s she’s looking back instead of forward, breaking no rules or taboos but just replicating poorly what has happened before, with Madonna kissing Britney and Prince appearing in assless pants…all to stir up those who don’t watch so they’ll make this evanescent turkey of an event have legs.

But those in attendance are not buying it. They’re so bored that they’re looking at their cell phones. They’re not jumping for joy, they aren’t even leaving their seats, because what you’ve got here is a made for TV moment that doesn’t work live, unlike the best of music, and they just don’t care.

And you wonder why we live in a culturally bankrupt society.

It’s a performance. With no socially redeeming values. It’s meaningless. Neither fish nor fowl. And if you’ve got your knickers in a twist about Miley Cyrus cavorting on stage at the VMAs you must live a cloistered little life and be afraid of your shadow. I mean come on, where do you live? Are you scared of boobies and gay people too? Miley wasn’t twerking so much as she was tweaking an establishment that has made her the star of the week even though her talent is so limited it could fit inside a thimble.

But it’s not only parents, but even Cyndi Lauper. Hey Cyndi, I thought it was about embracing your true colors! If some people want to be exhibitionists and sell their souls for fame and money shouldn’t they be included in the big tent? Isn’t that what you did?

So MTV gets what it wanted. An outlet so bankrupt with nothing to do with music that gives One Direction the Song of the Summer Moon Man gets to look all dangerous and cutting edge when nothing of the sort is true.

And Miley Cyrus gets to extend her television fame just a bit longer.

And Robin Thicke shows he’s the tool of the system we always believed him to be.

You know who the star of the show was? Kelly Clarkson! Who didn’t even appear, who tweeted:

Just saw a couple performances from the VMA’s last night. 2 words…. #pitchystrippers

— Kelly Clarkson (@kelly_clarkson) August 26, 2013

Now Kelly’s not offended by Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga, she’s criticizing them for stooping so low, for focusing on the trappings as opposed to the music. Yup, that’s how low we’ve sunk, Kelly Clarkson is the artistic voice of reason.

Then again, only Kelly Clarkson stood up to Clive Davis, calling his hagiographic autobiography hogwash. She’s got a backbone. Hell, she was even willing to appear in public fat, she didn’t get plastic surgery. She’s everything the classic rock artists used to be, before they all got tattoos and facelifts to appear young and hip to an audience so aged they come to the show on scooters.

I mean this is the best the media can do? Be manipulated by both MTV and Ms. Cyrus?

As for the bloviators… Who is giving these people ink? Who cares what these parental organizations have to say. They’re tiny in size and miniscule in impact. But reporters without brains print their words because they believe fake controversy sells papers/web ads.

But the kids…

Hell, most kids didn’t even watch this travesty, this marketing extravaganza.

And not one had their jaw drop, offended by what transpired.

But we’ve got parents worried setting parental controls, worried about what little Adam and Brooke might see when the truth is they’re exposed to all of it, and all the stuff that bugs their parents doesn’t even merit a shrug from them. Nudity, violence, sex… It’s available online 24/7.

But put it on a lame cable channel and trump it up with media repetition and we’ve got a fake controversy, whose only effect will be to make little boys and girls at home believe that they too can test limits on TV with little talent for big bucks.

Then again, what would you rather do, watch this lame clip or get a sext from your junior high school classmate via Snapchat, something that disappears before your Facebooking parents have even heard of the service.

We live in a puritanical society. Which is offended over irrelevancies. Did you know women go to the beach topless in Europe! Where are the editorials? Where’s the offense?

The most offensive thing here is people of little talent getting so much attention.

But they wouldn’t get it if everybody wasn’t complicit.

Truly want to change the world? Then move right along, pay no attention, especially in this Internet age where whatever transpired will evaporate in a matter of hours.

But no, you’ve got to fan the flames of this irrelevant incident to feel good about yourself.

Let’s ignore Miley Cyrus. Let’s ignore Kim Kardashian. If we stop paying attention to these no-talents there will be a better chance of true talents emerging.

But that’s not how we like it in America. The poor are embroiled in fake controversies and the corporations get richer. Yup, as much as Miley Cyrus benefited from her VMA appearance, it’s MTV that truly triumphed. Imagine what they’re going to charge for ads at next year’s charade!

Miley Cyrus – “We Can’t Stop/Blurred Lines/Give It 2 U (Medley)”

Huh?

This is the end result of a culture based on fame. Which too many people equate with fortune. My favorite story about this took place at a restaurant where patrons were stunned to see a cast member of the “Real World” waiting tables. They asked him, “What are you doing here?”

I ask Dr. Luke the same question.

The “Real World” star was earning a living. Everyone knew his name but MTV pays poorly, and if Martha Quinn couldn’t convert her fame into further riches, good luck to the evanescent stars of reality shows.

That’s what “American Idol” is, a reality show. And a decade plus of intense competition has taught us it’s never about talent and always about drama. Whether it be the shenanigans on the “Real World” or the competitors on “Survivor,” we don’t care about the game but the interactions, we want to see real life played out on the screen. At least until the producers hired writers and scripted interactions to the point that we know in many cases it’s just entertainment.

So what we have with “American Idol” is a dying franchise. Hell, even Simon Cowell can no longer succeed, his “X Factor” is a bust, even Britney Spears couldn’t prop it up. We’re more interested in Simon’s sexual peccadilloes than both his show and his artists, we’ve seen that reveal, where he’s been putting his unit and the results thereof are much more interesting, along with the moral questions involved.

So the ratings for “Idol” are never going back up. We see faux criticism and snark and a bunch of half-talented wannabes competing to be molded by a Svengali and overpromoted to little success. What’s so interesting about that? Especially in a world where Miley Cyrus left TV and has been remaking herself more bizarrely every week. As did Amanda Bynes. But at least they had fame previously, the contestants on “Idol” have no history, no track record, and if you think we can relate and believe in someone over the course of a TV season you can list all the competitors on the “Amazing Race.” No, you need multiple seasons to get people to truly care. So no one cares about these contestants, not really.

And they don’t care about the judges. Because there’s a revolving door of people doing it for the money and exposure. Keith Urban is an amazing guitar player, but he’s got about as much personality as the cardboard inside your shirt that comes from the laundry. He grew up practicing his licks, not learning how to speak. He speaks with his guitar. As for J.Lo… Famous for her posterior, anybody who thinks J.Lo can sing has no ears. To make her the arbiter of a singing competition is to make Stephen Hawking a gymnastics judge. As for the vaunted sales bump… J.Lo had one single that moved and Aerosmith’s album tanked after Tyler’s appearance on “Idol,” where he actually displayed a personality. But once you’re fodder for the masses, your core shrugs you off, they figure you don’t need them anymore.

And unless I didn’t get a memo, Dr. Luke is not starting a performing career, he’s a behind the scenes guy. What advantage is he gaining here? Oh, he’s got a deal with Sony, he can find talent. I’m telling you now, Dr. Luke already has access to the world’s best wannabe talent, he doesn’t need to be on this show to find it. And we’ve learned from past seasons that all that exposure does not help the winners sell records. You’re better off building something from scratch.

And you punch up, not down. You attach yourself when something is growing, not failing. It’s the essence of business, it’s why Steve Ballmer had to walk, he was more attached to a dying past than a growing future. Ballmer said the iPhone wouldn’t get traction, suddenly not only are PCs cratering, so is the need for Microsoft’s cash cow Office. You don’t wait until it’s played out before you move on, if you’re smart you leave at the peak, or just thereafter, you get off the merry-go-round when public opinion is still positive, and then speak crap about what happened thereafter when you’re queried in the endless interviews as time goes by.

And to tell you the truth, my aged brain is having a hard time locking on to the name of that songwriter… Oh yeah, Kara DioGuardi? Did she die or something? Because we haven’t heard from her since. What did “Idol” do for Kara’s career other than reveal her to be a narcissistic, fame-hungry person who clawed her way to the top? Like they all are…you don’t make it by being nice, by being unwilling to edge out others. Hell, isn’t that the secret of Madonna’s success? But at least Madonna knew how to leverage what she had. And to get in early on trends and then abandon them. Give Bowie props, he tried to stay ahead of the game. Now both he and Madge are flummoxed as to what to do next.

But that’s a different issue. A TV performer is different from a musician. A musician is cerebral, he writes his own material, a TV performer reads off the prompter, plays to everybody or his show gets canceled whereas a musical performer can appeal to a tiny sliver of the audience and do quite well.

But today everybody wants to appeal to everybody. Which is why art loses its edge. If you’re not willing to write some of the audience off, you’ve got no core. We’re addicted to edge. If you smooth yours off, you’re done.

And that new Katy Perry song… It was cowritten by Max Martin, the unknown Swede responsible for Britney Spears’s “…Baby One More Time,” one of the greatest tracks of the nineties, there, I said it, as well as the Backstreet Boys hits and Kelly Clarkson’s and…

Martin’s had a longer career than the acts he’s worked with, longer than most of those appearing on the VMAs last night, because he knows his place, he knows that pop acts need fodder, and he’s a master. He’s worked at his craft and knows that fame has got nothing to do with it. Hell, all those famous people prepubescent kids adore come and go, and Max remains, he’s nobody’s punch line.

But here we’ve got Dr. Luke saying yes in an era where almost nobody knows the word “no.” They can’t say no to the corporations, to anybody. And since the handlers get a percentage and everybody says to do it everybody does. Not realizing there’s a cost. That playing to everybody on national TV erodes your core and makes you a laughingstock. Yes, we watch TV to snark, not to glorify. This is where the money culture has brought us. If you get paid, no one can criticize. But I am.

Hell, if I were Luke, if the ink weren’t dry, I’d pull out. I’d publicly say no. He’s got enough money. Other than getting paid, all I can see is downsides.

Each and every TV star who joined a show after its peak… Adam Arkin still hasn’t recovered from trying to resuscitate “Northern Exposure.” He’s actually a talented actor, but he looked desperate by taking that gig, he appeared second-rate.

You want to be someone’s first choice. If you’re not in on the ground floor, forget it. If Dr. Luke wants to create a TV show, I’m much more interested. Then again, what does TV have to do with music?

I’m not gonna watch it. I figure if anything happens worth knowing about, I can see it on the Internet tomorrow. That’s how far we’ve come, used to be you DVR’ed it and fast-forwarded through not only the commercials, but almost all of the musical performances. Now you don’t want to waste the hard drive space.

And if it weren’t for Twitter, the show’s ratings would be so low they’d think about canceling it.

You see now it’s no longer about the show itself, but the snark. The people on stage don’t realize they’re fodder for those playing the home game, making fun of everything happening on stage and off. Search Twitter, it’s not pretty. Even youngsters are sneering. And every oldster with a modicum of followers is live tweeting, which proves that the paradigm is done, once you’re afraid of being left out, once you’re leveraging your fan base for personal aggrandizement, we know the whole shebang is history.

How did it come to this?

Well, we know that television kills musical artists. Oh, it jets them to the moon, but sans mystery, they end up like sitcom stars, people with one moment of fame we end up laughing at, wondering if they’re off robbing a 7-11 now that their royalties are gone.

This was true during the heyday of MTV.

Now it’s even worse.

Well, let me explain that. Television does not have the power it used to, and needless to say MTV’s a shadow of its former self. But everybody trying to sell a record, everybody looking for a bit of the cultural zeitgeist, makes sure they appear on this show where the awards are meaningless but the zingers and the performances made it legendary.

I already know Justin Timberlake resurrected his Grammy performance. And if you didn’t know that ‘NSYNC appeared with him, you probably don’t know there’s going to be a gold iPhone.

But at least you can do something with an iPhone, it’s got legs, unlike this show and even most of JT’s music.

As for the Twitter comments, that’s all about the participatory society. If you think it needs to take place on Twitter, you’re still using MySpace.

Speaking of which, if Justin Timberlake was so powerful, how come he couldn’t resurrect that service? This is kind of like the people who bought the story that BlackBerry could be resurrected by the 10, who are these idiots without discriminatory powers, who ignore facts and print the press release?

That’s what the VMAs have become. A marketing exercise with no core.

At least there’s a game at the center of the Super Bowl.

But really, we watch for the commercials. Without them, ratings would suck.

But this is such a tired show. Kind of like SNL. Ain’t that America, you create a formula and then milk it to death.

As for the “stars” who appear… Once upon a time video was important and we all were watching. Now nothing’s that important and we only watch shows like the VMAs to feel a member of the club.

So I’m predicting this live tweet bowl will die. Kind of like long hair. It meant something once, then the nerds grew out their hair and it lost all its power, it was no longer a statement.

Kind of like tattoos. Once upon a time they were taboo. Now even teachers have them. To rebel is to not only get rid of them, but to never ever have them.

Once upon a time, the music business was built on hip. When Top Forty was something you wanted to run away from and saying no was an option.

But now we’re all beholden to the corporate conglomerates. Brands are king, not bands.

So what will the future bring us?

Outsiders who triumph.

It’s easy to snark on Twitter, it’s much more difficult to create art worth snarking about.

Culture abhors a vacuum. And that’s what we’ve got right now. Circus performers who act in a bad play straight out of the WWE.

Everyone’s afraid to say no because they’re afraid to be forgotten.

Don’t want to be forgotten? Write a great hit.

So pat yourself on the back for believing you’re better than the VMAs. It’s true, you are.

But if you’re joining the scrum of snark to make yourself feel good you’re already part of a dying paradigm, sorry.

P.S. Apple’s 9/10 announcements will trump this popular culture travesty in both impact and longevity.

P.P.S. We’re more interested in the war between Samsung and Apple than any rap war.

P.P.P.S. As soon as an outlet starts trumpeting its social media marketing you know that it’s truly got no idea where the culture is headed. Once upon a time MTV led, now it follows, poorly.

P.P.P.P.S. Since the kiddies spend money on it, the oldsters are wary of decrying it.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Hall & Oates have more hits than all of these nitwits and are continuing to sell a vast number of tickets. Proving that it’s truly about talent and musicianship. And it’s the hits that put people in the seats ten years out, not the evanescent appearances on these self-congratulatory cheesefests. Furthermore, hipsters hate Hall & Oates, laughingly call it “yacht rock.” Forge your own path, don’t be a follower. Because the true followers are people live tweeting this show.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Vice is the new MTV. And their show on HBO is riveting in a way MTV hasn’t been in fifteen years. Because it assumes those watching are intelligent. Today smart is hip. The key is to bring your attitude with your intelligence to the cutting edge. Vice investigates dating in China, their Dennis Rodman stunt made more news than the compendium of stars appearing on this telecast. Success is all about thinking. Doing something different. If you’re not breaking the mold, you’re gonna be discarded when the revolution occurs, and it won’t be televised. In other words, tomorrow’s movers and shakers aren’t even watching this show, they’re about disrupting this world, not being a part of it.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. The fact that Vice’s TV show has little traction does not mean it’s irrelevant, quite the contrary. Today everything that lasts builds slowly off the radar screen, which only catalogues the comets that come and quickly go. Then suddenly, it’s ubiquitous. Kind of like Twitter itself. Did you already forget that the younger generation was last to the 140 character service? Yes, Justin Bieber and his adoring pre-adolescent fans are not changing the world, older people are.

If you’re not successful, you’ve got to change something.

In 1994, I was broke, single and sans a parent. Let me restate that. I sometimes had less than $20 in the bank, my wife who I was not divorced from had moved out four and a half years earlier, and in the interim my dad had died and I had an horrific operation.

I was at rock bottom.

And that’s when I went to the shrink.

How did I pay? With the 20k I got from my father’s estate. If you’re saving it for a rainy day, if you’re not investing in your future, if you’re not spending, you’re dying.

And I found out the problem was me.

The problem was not my work product.

There were two main issues. I let my haters define me and I didn’t know how to interact with people.

Huh? It’s not like I’d just been born, I’d been living for decades… I knew how to talk, to write, what was the problem?

I didn’t know how to be a member of the group. I didn’t know how to make it about anything but business. I was so worried I was gonna get screwed that I couldn’t relax. All business is relationships, and I was not doing such a hot job.

Now I was not doing a terrible job. But if you have big dreams, you’ve got to tweak the formula.

Even if I knew the answer, I learned to not always volunteer it. Because I found out there’s a bunch of people who don’t want to be wrong. Never ever. If you correct them, they’re alienated from you, and that might work against you…for years.

I stopped worrying about money and just tried to be friends. Because desperation is the biggest turn-off of all. Everybody runs from it. As soon as you start complaining, people have got no time for you.

But that does not mean I sublimated my personality completely. I learned to stand up to pricks. That’s who you often encounter at the pinnacle of business. Bullies who are doing their best to shove you down. And the only way you can neutralize them is to not only disagree, but amp it up just like they do. Then they respect you, they realize you know how to play the game.

And it’s much more complicated than that. And I’m still learning. But one thing I’ll state definitively. There was never ever anything wrong with the writing. I’ll stand by it. The problem was with the penumbra.

Now that does not mean your music is good enough. But if it is, and you’re stuck, the problem is you. And you have to figure out what it is and change it. And it’s a painful process. But you rise through the ranks when you improve your identity and interactions, it’s a magic potion that always works.

Don’t bitch about Spotify payouts if you make no money selling music. The people who do will just laugh at you. Because everybody on the inside knows the pot is split up many ways, and the only way to make money is to be in the game a very long time. So you can renegotiate and make better deals.

Don’t harangue people. It never works. You need favors. And by inundating and badgering you’re just pissing people off.

Wanna know the dirty little secret? IT’S A BUSINESS! Want to get ahead, figure out a way for the intermediary to make money on you.

You complain that no one will book you. Venues are dying for acts that can sell out the house. Convince a promoter you’ll make him money and he’s all ears.

Ditto with agents and labels. Stop telling people how good you are, no one cares. They just want to know if you can make them money, preferably sooner rather than later.

And unless you’re my friend, don’t expect me to treat you like one. Friendship is earned, and the more successful you are the less time you have got, especially for those further down the economic food chain. The president of the label does not want to go to dinner with the wannabe, doesn’t even want to listen to your record, they pay people to do that, because they just don’t have enough time.

So the system is rigged against you. Welcome to the club! Everybody wants to be in entertainment, they’re willing to work for free. And execs lose their jobs and agents and managers lose their acts, there is no safety net.

Wanna get ahead? Don’t try to make friends with those at the top unless you can make them money right away, as stated above. Make friends with people at your level. Those who have time for you, who can do you favors.

And only ask for a favor if you’ve got something you can give in return. Because favors are expensive. Everybody can’t deliver for everybody all the time. This is why the scions of the rich will get a hearing from the exec. Because of who their parents are. But if you’re bitching about this, I feel sorry for you, because most of the people in the entertainment game are self-starters, and tons of the connected wash out early, they’re not hungry enough, or talented enough, and they lack perseverance.

So don’t e-mail me you put in your 10,000 hours, especially if you’ve never read Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers,” which popularized the term. Hell, did you read his column on the topic last week?

“COMPLEXITY AND THE TEN-THOUSAND-HOUR RULE”

You not only have to have skills, you’ve got to know the rules, you’ve got to study the game. A great hitter is useless if he doesn’t know what base to run to, that he only gets three strikes, that four balls will put him on first. There’s more info than ever out there on how the game works. If you wanna work in the industry you should know who all the players are, where they started out, where they’re going. It’s a lot of work, but everybody with a gig made this effort, it’s second nature to them.

And sheer will and desire only goes so far. Sure, you’ve got to believe you’re great, but there’s a whole hell of a lot more that goes into success.

So be humble, look inside, keep adjusting your game.

Or sit on the sidelines with the rest of the losers playing the woulda, coulda, shoulda game with a chip on your shoulder.