How did this happen?

They’re fighting to be on Howard Stern’s radio program. Today alone, he featured not only Chelsea Handler and Billy Idol, but Bill Murray, the ungettable get.

That’s right. Bill doesn’t even have an agent, he’s elusive, but he wanted to be on Howard’s show.

In an era where content providers are bitching everything’s free, how did Howard Stern not only charge, but build an entire distribution network around him known as Sirius Radio?

1. Longevity

We’re inundated with the work of the barely pubescent and the hype attendant thereto. But they’re never on Stern’s show, because they have nothing to SAY!

The truth is you get wiser as you get older, you learn from experience, and the only people who don’t believe Howard is better than ever are those addicted to scatology with the desire to go back to the high school locker room.

Howard is more comfortable in his skin. He displays his neuroses but is no longer fighting to get ahead, no longer telling us how great he is, how much he’s been slighted, he’s reveling in his success and it shows. He’s the comic book nerd uncomfortable in his skin who stayed in the game long enough to win.

2. Dedication

Howard prepares. Too many interview shows lack this element. And that is what is pushing Howard over the top, his interviews, his show is the go-to place to promote, because his audience is so loyal, and ultimately larger than that of the late night talk shows, despite the latter getting so much press. Howard really wants to know, the audience is eavesdropping, whereas on television the hosts are always playing to the network, always worried about their ratings and their contracts, whereas Howard knows he built Sirius and they don’t want to screw with him.

Letterman did the same on TV, but that was decades ago, and his show was so trendsetting and successful that everybody imitated it, that’s right, everybody on late night is doing Dave’s show, which is ultimately comedy. Dave loves Howard, but Dave can no longer put in the hard work, Dave could triumph once again if he did, if he was just more Dave, embraced his edge, but Dave’s tired. Being at the top of the heap for so long will do that to you, Howard’s just ascended into the stratosphere.

3. Personality

Everybody rubs off the rough edges, they believe if they don’t appeal to everybody, they’re not going to appeal to anybody. But the truth is long term careers are based on being unique, trailblazing in your own world. There’s an excellent article in Monday’s “Los Angeles Times” how Becky G worked with Dr. Luke and ended up sounding just like everybody else, how she lost her edge, and that’s what we’ve got in music, everybody sounds the same, except for those without enough talent. They’re afraid to go their own way, afraid radio won’t play them and the media won’t feature them. But unless you have the confidence to woodshed in the wilderness until you’re appealing to the masses you’ll never become a legend.

4. Embrace The Taboo

Once upon a time it was Butt Bongo and strippers, now Howard has graduated to asking the questions we all want to know and have never even thought of. Like exactly how did David Crosby impregnate Melissa Etheridge’s significant other? There are answers, and Howard elicits them, and what we learn is that so many of these celebrities are just like us, or even crazier than us, like Chelsea Handler peeing on the back of her boyfriend or Jason Biggs peeing upon her, never mind Stern employee Sal having a fascination with the urination fetish. We all have a fetish, you just don’t want to talk about yours, but on the Stern Show there are no limits. And on one hand you feel inadequate, comparing yourself with Chelsea Handler’s globetrotting lifestyle, on the other, the longer people talk the more screwed up you realize they are.

5. Time

Howard’s got hours, and he’ll go as long as you’ve got something interesting to say. This is not the pre-interview world of late night TV, wherein you distill a few stories and then tell them when the lights go on. When you’re done listening to a Stern interview you’re nearly exhausted, you feel tanked up, you’ve got as much information as you can handle in one day. It’s kind of like ending a conversation with a best friend, you’re burnt, for now it’s enough. You can see the clock on television. On Stern there’s enough time to delve into the nitty-gritty, and don’t go on unless you want to.

6. Promotional Power

You might get publicity that you’re hosting SNL, but no one bumps your product more than the Stern Show, which is why Neil Young is coming on to sell his new book. Howard’s fans are loyal, they believe he’s on their team, so they’ll buy what he’s selling, even if it’s the Squatty Potty.

That’s why almost all of these celebs go on these talk shows, to promote their latest projects. You can’t get them otherwise, and it used to be that Howard could not get them at all. But word has gotten out of the power of his show and now everybody is clamoring to come on. Even Robert Downey, Jr. And for those into music, people who never appear on the late night shows, like Joe Perry, who wears his animosity towards Steven Tyler on his sleeve.

7. The Move To Sirius

In retrospect, it was too soon. Before both YouTube and podcasting blew up. It marginalized Stern. And I don’t know how much his move was about money or freedom, but at this late date you have to say Howard was right about the freedom. It’s not that he can use profanity and talk about sex, it’s that he’s not looking over his shoulder for the censor or the FCC, he’s free. But only the hardest core moved over to satellite with him.

But this allowed him to refine his show in relative obscurity. The show today is different from the show yesterday. There’s very little shock, and mostly family information/squabbles, i.e. the personalities and interactions of the staffers, and interviews. It wasn’t that way in 2006, but now Howard knows what it is and has embraced it, he’s found his way, he’s like an old act that took three or four albums to find its voice and hit a groove.

And he garnered attention because of the “America’s Got Talent” connection. A brilliant move, it helped Howard more than the show. The show is worthless, but the brain dead media lemmings had to comment upon his inclusion and then they started trumpeting the gossip Howard broke on his own show and over the last few years, it turns out everyone’s listening to Stern.

That’s right, if you say you can’t afford it, if you say he’s juvenile, the joke’s on you. Because the movers and shakers listen to Howard, more than anything else. More than late night TV, more than the newspaper, more than sports, Stern is the epicenter, he’s the water cooler conversation, when everybody went BuzzFeed, boiling it down to the nugget for the supposedly short attention span public, Howard went deep, because the truth is people have endless time for something great, and Howard is great.

If you want to lunch with the heavyweights, if you want something to say to the celebrity, listen to Stern, it’s your number one outlet.

And all of this success is pissing off the hard core. Because they’re worried Howard is no longer theirs, the same way they questioned Letterman’s changes when he jumped from 12:35 to 11:35. Are you one of them or one of us?

Letterman’s flaw was changing his show for a theoretical audience, betraying those who believed. Howard has not done this. But unlike Dave, Howard is basking in his acceptance, they like him, they really like him. And the show is still good, but average listeners are wondering, have we lost him, to the Hamptons and Palm Beach, never mind to the rich and famous…

But Howard Stern just cannot believe it. How an unaccomplished wannabe broadcaster whose father told him he was incompetent succeeded through hard work and hewing to his own vision, refusing to adjust to others’ input.

That’s what everybody does, adjust. The stars get boob jobs. The comedians tone it down. But Howard has remained himself. With a bit of the aforementioned evolution, but it’s still certainly him, the guy who still wants to see boobies, who can still geek out on a superhero movie.

So he’s the antidote, the complete opposite of our phony culture.

And now everybody wants a piece of what he’s got.

It’s an American story. It warms your heart.

But it’s not easily replicated. Because life is about whittling down your personality, getting along. It takes incredible strength to maintain not only your identity, but your desire.

But the truth is that is exactly what we’re looking for, someone who goes their own way, who appeals to us with honesty in a nation full of duplicity.

Pay attention, because Howard Stern is the number one promotion platform in America, and if you don’t think the media runs on promotion, you’ve never turned on the TV, never mind clicked on the radio.

And yes, Howard is working in that antiquated medium. Proving once again, to paraphrase that old sage, it’s not about the medium but the MESSAGE!

“Becky G: Another female caught in pop’s cookie-cutter vortex”

What a character!

Pitbull tweeted about me. Welcome to the twenty first century where your heroes, the celebrities you see on TMZ, are just a click away. And even though I rarely tweet, I’m addicted to the service, it provides a pulse, or a glimpse thereof.

And I like having the reach, but didn’t think much about it until I emerged from “Gone Girl” to an e-mail from David Dorn, head of the iTunes Store, he just wanted to know, would I be interested in meeting Pitbull?

OF COURSE!

But it turns out I met his manager first. Today at Katsu-ya. I’m gonna go meet the Miami maestro on Friday at Staples.

So how did Charles Chavez get here?

By being a deejay and working at the radio station and…

Whoa, back me up, how did your family make a living?

Charles’s father was in the military. They moved around, but by high school they were in Texas. There were five kids, if you wanted something, you had to work for it. So Charles got a paper route. And then started deejaying in the club. And then convinced the radio station to put him on the air, because of the synergy.

And even though he was in Texas, he was making a lot of money. His salary at the station and the grand a night for deejaying. Yes, there’s a lot of money in the music business, assuming you don’t compare yourself to the Wall Street and tech titans, who’ve skewed the game.

And seeing how Cash Money and the rest of the indies were making money, Charles decided to go into the record business, making hip-hop compilations, paying the acts $800 and ending up selling 250,000 copies, some out of his trunk, some through a distributor who always gave advances, but never paid Charles what he was owed, welcome to the music business.

And when some of the acts on his compilations ended up getting deals Charles felt left out, he decided to become a manager. But with his profile rising, he got a gig working promotion at Interscope, from Albuquerque to Miami, almost as far north as the Mason-Dixon line. This is the music business, where if you believe in sleep, you’re never gonna make it.

And then one of his acts blew up. Yes, he was managing while he was promoting. Jimmy said it was cool, but then the act signed with Epic instead of Interscope and…

Charles ends up meeting Pitbull. Who’s doing it himself. Who’s got a deal with TVT. And they’re just acquaintances until they run into each other at the Super Bowl a few years later and Charles wonders why Pitbull isn’t bigger, so they throw in together.

You’d like to do it by yourself, but you never can.

And then Pit hears an international instrumental, he writes lyrics over it, they make a deal for the track and the rest is history.

And why is Pitbull so successful? Because he’s WORKING! Lifestyle is a minor element. If Pit isn’t on the road, he’s in the studio, he’s a bundle of energy.

Meanwhile, Charles knows hits aren’t forever, so he’s moving into TV. Pit has a deal with Endemol, they made a deal for him to host Fox’s New Year’s Eve show in Miami. But that’s not the only thing.

And all we keep hearing is music is dead, that there’s no money in it, it’s no longer fun, but these guys are having the time of their lives, making money all the while.

Sure, Pitbull works with Dr. Luke, but Luke adds the spice and Charles makes sure that Pit doesn’t lose his identity. There’s only one Pitbull, that’s the key, to find someone unique, and then make hits.

And these hits are playing around the world, and Pitbull has followed them there.

And the corporations have come calling. But Pit doesn’t always say yes. If the money’s not good enough, if the company doesn’t understand, and it frequently does not, Pit walks away. But usually the company comes back, because there’s no better way to reach the Latin market, they realize Pit and Charles know what they’re talking about.

And I’m not gonna say I’m a big expert here. That’s the modern world, where you might not align with the vertical. But I liked Charles, he was not jive, he did not know everything, he was willing to learn, he realized it was all about relationships, and he kept making them.

So the song remains the same. You can go to the music business school, but that won’t make you successful. The music business is a land of hustlers and pimps, who would be successful at whatever their chosen field turned out to be, they just believe in music.

And that’s where Charles remains. He wants a label on his terms. he combs Shazam for hits. He’s driven by the tunes, not the wallet, unlike so many in this business who are so envious of the tech giants they’re taking their eye off the chart.

So successful music entrepreneurs are not made so much as born. It’s about their circumstances, being infected by music and believing they can do it their way. Charles believes in himself, he doesn’t think another manager has anything on him.

And you need that confidence to play in the big top.

And one thing’s for sure, music’s a circus, a thrilling cornucopia of carney players we all want a glimpse of.

And right now, Charles Chavez is at the epicenter.

P.S. Charles also reps Magic!, which hit number one with “Rude.”

P.P.S. Charles’s wife does the books. Keep it in the family, there’s no one else you can trust.

Well did she make you cry
Make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love
And is it over now
Do you know how
Pick up the pieces and go home

Not at that point, the crying came later. Although she had disappeared, she hadn’t told me it was over, but the silence seemed to say so. And I wasn’t sure whether to respect it or to reach out. Because unlike seemingly every male in the news, I’m hesitant. You don’t have to worry about saying no to me, I’m probably never even gonna touch you. I’m gonna wait until you say loud and clear that you want me.

Which makes it difficult to have a girlfriend. I’ve never quite understood the rules of courtship. I know the male should lead, I know I want to be close, but I’m afraid of imposing myself upon you more than I’m worried about rejection.

But we’d had a stimulating conversation. She’d talked about stuff no girl had ever mentioned before. I asked her on a date, she gave me an excuse which I wasn’t sure whether to believe and just when I’d given up hope, she called me.

Then you know they’re interested. That’s a green light.

She asked me what I was doing that night. I told her I was going to the record store, to return discs, which was a regular behavior for a big consumer like myself back in the seventies. And she started to beg off, telling me it was okay that I was busy, but after convincing her this was not so, I invited her to go to the movies, to the revival house in Beverly Hills, to see a couple of old Cary Grant films.

She drove to my abode, she’d a bad experience with a male a few months before, she didn’t want me stopping by.

I wasn’t sure she enjoyed the ancient flicks. But when I showed up at school the next day she gave me the biggest hello I’d ever received.

And there ensued Kinks concerts and chocolate crepes and suddenly my life made sense.

But there were always bumps in the road, because she had not come to Los Angeles to get into a relationship, she’d come to study, and our interaction was getting in the way of that.

As for me, I didn’t quite throw out my books, but I didn’t crack them thereafter.

And then there was this hiatus. Within which I went to the movies and listened to records. I’d purchased the stereo of my dreams only months before. Something with enough power to blow up the building, but enough clarity to have you sitting in front of the speakers wowed. And now that it was March, I was spinning the new Fleetwood Mac album, “Rumours.”

I never bought the previous album. Maybe I didn’t have to. Jimmy had it on 8-track in Salt Lake.

And I’d seen them play my favorite, “Over My Head,” at Anaheim Stadium the summer before.

I was primed. Even though I was not in love with the single on the radio, “Go Your Own Way.”

But there was this one track on the second side, “Gold Dust Woman.”

Christine was always my favorite, but this Nicks track was less witch and more rock, a groove that penetrated with a soul that resonated.

Rock on gold dust woman
Take your silver spoon, dig your grave

This was before regular people did coke, that came a few years later. I was struggling with giving up marijuana, which was now sensimilla and so strong that after I smoked it it weirded me out for 24 hours.

Heartless challenge
Pick your path and I’ll pray

My path was completely unclear. Part of me wanted to be back banging the bumps in Utah. But it was the worst season ever and suddenly I was in love.

Do you know love? It’s when nothing else matters, when you just can’t stop thinking of the other person, when skin on skin is more important than anything else.

But she was gone.

But then she knocked on my door. And came inside. And I put on “Gold Dust Woman” and as Stevie sang and Mick banged and John held down the bottom, we embraced, I can still remember the taste of her lipstick. She was back to stay. For a very long time.

They were the house band for “Where The Action Is,” only half an hour long, but the MTV of its era.

Used to be summer was a sleepy season, when television was filled with nothing but reruns, in this pre-internet era young kids could actually be bored.

But the one thing they could never get enough of was the radio, the sound emanating from their transistor, the iPod of its day, but much cheaper, everybody had one, or two, and at first you listened to the baseball game but then you graduated to the top forty station in your neighborhood, which was the epicenter of the culture. We tuned in to know not only the tracks, but to be members of the club, the deejays were our older, hipper brothers, and we were all along for this wondrous ride when the Beatles came out of nowhere and turned this entire nation upside down.

Suddenly, the young took over the country, they revolted not only against their parents, but the entire nation, ultimately refusing to go to Vietnam and protesting our involvement therein. It was like there was something in the air that truly made everybody think different, and that was music.

So the Beatles revolutionize society before they even record a song with that title and then we’re all rushing home at 2 PM to catch a black and white TV show featuring the heroes of the day in a season when there was no homework, when we could just ponder the wonders of life 24/7.

And at this point, Paul Revere & the Raiders had no hits, just a lame Columbia album of covers we saw in the bins that we could not afford and had never heard. But the band didn’t seem to get the memo, they were having so much fun on the show. It was visuals like this that made me and so many of my generation want to move to California.

And then came “Just Like Me.”

It’s just like me
To say to you
Love me do
And I’ll be true

And now this merry band of pranksters were cool! No one could deny “Just Like Me” rocked, from Mark Lindsay’s attitude to Drake Levin’s guitar solo, this was a smash. Paul Revere & the Raiders graduated!

The apotheosis was “Kicks,” we were already jaded, we knew they kept on getting harder to find, but that did not mean we stopped searching.

“Kicks” is not “Born To Be Wild,” but if you’re writing the story of sixties American rock, the Raiders track would be included.

And almost as good were “Hungry” and “Good Thing.”

And sure, the band ultimately had a hit with “Indian Reservation” in the seventies, but that was a coda, different players with a different sound, it was really about the sixties.

And Paul Revere rode that success all the way into the twenty first century, all the way until August of this year, when illness forced him from the road.

He was an American success story. Pluck and desire got him there. That was always the dream. That even if you were from godforsaken Idaho, if you wanted it enough, you could get it.

And Revere was not warm and fuzzy, he was not lovable, but he persevered and survived until Saturday, and for that he belongs in the rock and roll firmament, if not the Hall of Fame.

Girl, I’m gonna have it all some day if you’ll just hang on to my hand

He needed her to fuel his desire.

If I break some rules along the way, girl
You, you gotta understand

That’s right, today musicians bitch the techies are not playing straight, but once upon a time they wrote the book, they tested limits and stayed far from the corporations, selling out was anathema.

It’s my way of gettin’ what I want now
‘Cause I’m hungry

That’s how so many of us were, we wanted more. And we saw no ceiling, nothing in our way. We all had good public school educations, we could cogitate, we were all…

Hungry for those good things, baby
Hungry through and through
Well, I’m hungry for that sweet life, baby
With a real fine girl like you

That was the currency, even more than dollars…girls, sex. You picked up your axe, burnished your image, went on the road and…

They lined up to get close, to get a little of what you got.

The musicians were not nerds, they were the coolest.

Yes, even Paul Revere.

Jimmy Iovine may have all the money, but he’s got a fraction of what Paul Revere and the rest of the players got. We were in thrall to the people on stage. They were our heroes. Blazing trails. Enlightening us and illuminating our lives.

Paul Revere won.

I know he’s not resting in peace, but tickling the ivories on that celestial Vox Continental, creating a band to keep all the angels entertained. Because playing music is in the blood, you can never give up and go straight, work for dad or the company, you live on stage, it’s the only place  you’re comfortable, the only place you want to be.