PAY YOUR DUES

HBO did not hire John Oliver with no CV. Oliver had spent years in the trenches at the “Daily Show,” honing his craft, playing number two before he ascended to the anchor chair.

Do not believe you’re ready before you truly are.

Study those in line ahead of you.

Know that your history is precursor to your success.

FORMULA

Like a pop song. Verse chorus verse chorus bridge. People become inured to the framework. Oliver’s “How is this still a thing?” is evidence. We understand the game, we look forward to it, it’s a singular element and Oliver owns it. Be yourself, but distill yourself into something comprehensible, establish your own hooks, we loops are waiting to become ensnared.

WRITERS

There are too many brilliant asides for Oliver to come up with them all by his lonesome. No one can break through without the help of others. Furthermore, the team must know they’re subservient to the star. Once the team feels responsible the whole edifice collapses.

HAVE AN EDGE

If you’re not willing to offend, you’re not willing to speak the truth, and the reason Oliver resonates is because of the endless parade of truth. Sure, he makes some politically incorrect statements. But his willingness to hang it all out there, to not only talk but take action, is what titillates us. We need people to believe in. And we believe most in those whose risks resonate.

DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY

Oliver pokes fun at himself without eviscerating his talent or message. We’re all imperfect. Acknowledge your failings and you become humanized, and we can only identify with humans.

HANG IT OUT THERE

Every week Oliver tries to top himself, to deliver, he never phones it in. Being a fan is like seeing your favorite band in a third tier market, when they hit it over the fence you’re titillated and fulfilled because you were there! Oliver doesn’t hit a grand slam every week, but we keep rooting for him. Once again, we need someone to believe in.

SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER

Corporations are our enemy, not in all cases, but in many. Worried primarily about their stock price, their handsomely compensated executives underpay and fire their employees, assuming they’re not independent contractors

(can you hear me Live Nation: “Exposing the employment ploy at concert promoter Live Nation”)

all while paying no taxes. To see Oliver skewer institutions like Budweiser and McDonald’s is enough to make you get up off the couch and cheer!

HAVE A SENSE OF HISTORY

When Oliver shows clips from the sixties, making the same point he’s trying to make today, it reinforces his point. We’re all just players in a script lasting decades, centuries, millennia. If you think it’s only about today, you haven’t lived too long.

FREEDOM REIGNS

Oliver could not do his show on network. Just like Howard Stern has flourished behind Sirius XM’s paywall, Oliver could only do his act on pay cable. Which limits his audience but bonds his adherents to him ever closer.

PERSONALITY COUNTS

Talk about wanting to have a beer with someone… Oliver is the anti-star, the guy from the neighborhood who broke through who isn’t consumed by the trappings. He doesn’t believe he’s entitled to be interviewed by TMZ, he’s not that big a star. And the truth is the last big star was Michael Jackson. The internet flattened stardom, we’re all just in it together.

OUTRAGE IS APPEALING

In a world where we die from a thousand cuts from which there is no judge, jury or justice, only a shrug of the shoulders, we unite behind someone who is pissed at the small stuff as well as the big. In an era where our elected officials don’t represent us, we need someone to believe in.

STARDOM IS A VICTORY LAP FAR IN THE FUTURE

In an era where a record can stiff in a weekend, people don’t realize how hard it is to penetrate popular culture and ultimately rise above. You have to labor in obscurity and then keep doing great work for years before most people realize and recognize you. Oliver is still not a star. Jay Z and Beyonce are, but they’re squandering their stardom, Jay Z is all about himself in a world where we’re all in it together and Beyonce is too busy being iconic. As for the pretenders…Rihanna to Maroon 5, they’re just fodder for the tabloids. In a world that moves so fast, music moves too slow. Hits used to last 12 weeks, today they last a full year. But they won’t forever. Because the public won’t stand for it. The public knows today is already in the rearview mirror and they’re only interested in he who is being born as opposed to he who is dying, or stalling, or so busy trying to lasso up everybody that he forgets the core audience who supports him.

I want you to read it, so you can see how the world really works.

A man from nothing, who even lived in the orphanage, desires to make it. Chances are you don’t have this drive, you did not do without. And therefore you’re not only unwilling to do the extreme work, you’re unable to cut corners, work in the shady areas, because life is about survival, and if you’ve got no one looking out for you you understand this.

So he managed the Beatles and the Stones. Sounds interesting, but not really.

What is interesting is Allen was insecure, he could not be alone. He lived to make others feel good, burnishing his own image in the process.

And how did he achieve his goals?

BY REINVENTING THE PARADIGM!

That’s what they don’t teach you in school.

What kind of crazy fucked up world do we live in where youngsters reinvent the paradigm, with Napster and file-trading and so much more, and the old farts at the record companies cry foul and refuse to enter the future?

One in which those with power have no skin in the game.

That’s what’s interesting in tech. It’s your money. Or maybe the VC’s money. But there are no established enterprises willing to dole out cash with no supervision like record companies. Most records fail. But it wasn’t that easy to get a deal.

And it also wasn’t easy to get paid.

The Animals threatened Donn Arden with a lawsuit, the agent refused to pay the band. What did Arden do? Open a drawer full of writs and throw them out the window! Those are the kinds of characters who used to run the music business. Today, everybody’s sucked at the corporate tit their entire career, they don’t know what living by your wits is all about, and the business is worse for it.

First and foremost Allen Klein was smart. Ingenious. He didn’t take no for an answer, he just rejiggered the formula in order to succeed.

The label said royalties couldn’t exceed 5%?

No problem, Allen decided to form his own company for Sam Cooke, and then license the records to RCA.

This is no different from Irving Azoff starting his own performing rights organization. When confronted with a problem amateurs kick and scream, professionals rewrite the rules of the game.

So by having his own label, by pressing the records himself, there could be no issue of royalty underpayment. And since the company owned the records, there could be a reversion clause, Sam Cooke could end up with his masters.

Actually, Klein ended up owning the masters. That’s why he’s got a bad rep, Klein couldn’t help himself. He’d help you, but he’d dip where you couldn’t see it, screwing you while he was aiding you.

Do you have the cojones for this?

Probably not.

But the truth is the record business was built on obfuscation and irregularities, oftentimes illegalities. They can teach you how to market at music business college, but they won’t teach you how to cheat, and they most certainly won’t teach you how to reinvent the wheel. And Allen Klein reinvented the wheel.

There’s so much horseshit in this world. All this crap about you can make it if you really try.

Actually, no. Chances are you’re not smart enough, and even if you are you didn’t go to the school of hard knocks, you’re not willing to do what it takes.

The truth is successful people aren’t worried about others’ reactions. They’re all about making others feel uncomfortable, asking for the ungettable. Because you don’t get if you don’t ask and rules were meant to be broken and the spoils go to those who lead.

Want to make money?

Go where everybody else isn’t.

Make friends, relationships yield opportunities.

Find someone’s weak point and promise what will make them happy.

A great musician or a producer is usually a lousy businessman. Klein would get their ear by promising them a million dollars, with no commission, only a guarantee that if he delivered the money, they’d give him his accounting business.

But unbeknownst to the talent Klein would figure out a way to get paid on the deal. Furthermore, he might end up owning your catalog.

The truth is winners aren’t team players. Certainly not the traditional teams. They’re not about getting a gig at the company, but making the company crazy, via their demands or their competition.

And we haven’t had that spirit in the record business for far too long.

The self-starters are gone. The corporations control the cash flow. And the best and the brightest are going where there are opportunities, as opposed to the entities in the music business run by boomers who want all the glory and the pay and won’t throw young ‘uns a bone.

The book is dry. But the subject matter is intriguing.

It’s not like it used to be. Certainly not in the record business. But in life? SAME AS IT EVER WAS!

P.S. Experience counts. Klein lost a bundle on an indie movie early in his career. But it was this business structure, where the producer owns the negative, that he transferred to the record business. The truth is we fumble and we learn along the way. Which is why those wet behind the ears rarely have success, or maintain it. The legends build upon their losses, they divine what works, and then they conquer and everybody knows their name and wants to be them. But they never can be. Because the originals broke the mold. You’ve got to break the mold too.

“Allen Klein: The Man Who Bailed Out the Beatles, Made the Stones, and Transformed Rock & Roll”

BILL HADER

Steve Jobs brings us “1984” and Tim Cook delivers this?

The intro was overlong and unfunny. Hollywood has no reason to fear Silicon Valley. And just because someone is famous, that does not mean we care. Come on, Bill Hader? Why does he get the slot, everyone but the press agrees that SNL is no longer must see TV, we catch what we want on YouTube, which is why…

CRAIG FEDERIGHI

Did not disappoint, loved his asides, like making fun of the breakthrough of resizing windows. Federighi has all the offhand irreverence musicians used to evidence, before they all became automatons in service of corporations. We’re addicted to your personality, not your image.

EL CAPITAN

1
Lousy name, but ever since they left the cats behind they’ve been missing the target. But at least they’re staying with the California theme, and by staying in the Park, they avoid admitting what everybody inside knows…El Capitan is a maintenance product, made to fix all the stuff Yosemite broke. Which ain’t a bad thing. Also give the company credit for releasing a new OS every year. What’s that cliche, “Real men ship?” Try to eliminate the bugs, but don’t miss the market, release it.

2
Yosemite is slow on old Macs. There was a ton of talk about speed today, and it’s necessary.

iOS

A few cool things, like multitasking and the new additional tools when typing.
But the truth is most people are not power users, most of the features talked about today are for those who extract every ounce of performance from their devices. A few features are intuitive and will be adopted by the hoi polloi, most will not. But none will get in your way. As for your phone knowing your life and suggesting appropriately… Kinda creepy, has never worked previously, and probably another feature few will use.

JENNIFER BAILEY

You can’t complain Apple is light on women, not with two taking the stage today!

Jennifer Bailey was very impressive, I had to Google her, turns out she went to Middlebury!

As for Apple Pay… If you’re following this closely, Google is not gonna charge the banks, whereas Apple still is. For now. We will pay with our mobile devices. Will Apple win? Does it have to win? It’s still early.

MAPS

Remember when we laughed about Apple Maps?

Turns out maps are a feature, that multiple companies provide, as a way to keep people in their ecosystem and make money. Differentiating between mapping companies is like arguing about browsers, so in the past. They all work.

Lesson… Don’t get hung up in the petty wars of today, take the long view.

What used to be standalone is now a feature. What used to be cool is now de rigueur. We keep marching forward and what seems important today may be irrelevant tomorrow.

NEWS

The biggest story of today’s keynote and the least focused upon.

Bottom line, media is losing control of its platform. Data already tells us this. Visits to the “New York Times”‘s website have flattened. Turns out people don’t go to the source but the aggregator, which is why Apple’s News is such a big deal. Facebook was there first, but Apple is doing it better. Facebook sees news as a sidebar, an also-ran, just another thing in your feed. Apple has concentrated all news in one place and this is phenomenal for news junkies. How good it is for media companies is up in the air. Do they keep the advertising money? They certainly are not in control of views. In other words, people might gravitate to a new news source. You took a hundred years to build your brand and now an upstart may upstage you. Assuming that upstart has news to proffer. Which is why aggregation apps like this will eviscerate linkbait sites like the “Huffington Post.” Actually, linkbait is gonna die because it doesn’t deliver for advertisers, they pay and get nothing in return.
But the truth is we want one news portal, without bias, and today Apple delivered it.

We’re a nation addicted to news, we want to know what’s going on, this is today’s big story, can’t wait to use the app.

P.S. Introduced by Susan Prescott. Another heretofore unknown Apple female. It’s all good, except for the endless Warriors comments by Susan and the rest of those on stage. The more you act like an insider club the more we feel excluded, and that’s anathema in today’s world. You’re supposed to level the playing field, you’re supposed to make us feel like we belong.

SWIFT

The big story here is not the language, but that it’s going to be open source.

I’d say Apple is being generous here, and it is, but this is mostly about establishing standards. That’s what wins in our chaotic world, standards. Which is why Windows Phone has died, it’s not one of the two standards. Then again, in the music world we keep crying foul when someone uses recordings, wanting to get paid for every usage, it’s good to see a company that understands it’s about the BIG MONEY!

WATCH

I’m returning mine. It’s too soon, if ever.

They assume you’re constantly vertical. Just try checking the time if you’re lying down.

And you can’t read the face in sunlight and if you’re over forty, good luck seeing the screen.

The Apple Watch must be bigger and display the time at all times. The rest of the complaints are secondary, about speed and charging. You’ve got to perform the core functions perfectly, otherwise people don’t care. Notice they didn’t state how many watches have been sold. Now that they’re just about caught up with back orders you’re gonna start seeing stories about what a failure the Watch is. You’ll be able to buy one instantly and the only people testifying paid for it. And I haven’t seen any celebrities wearing them recently…

The new Google Glass?

Looks like it!

P.S. Once upon a time there was a car that was a boat. It failed because it performed both functions poorly. Is the Watch a timepiece or a computer? Furthermore, the Watch fails the egalitarian test. Steve Jobs gave away almost nothing for free and what distinguished the products was features. To survive Apple must fix functionality and drop the price, and have only a couple of models. Isn’t that also what Jobs did when he came back to Apple, streamline the product line and make it comprehensible? If you can figure out the Watch offerings…you work for Apple.

TRENT REZNOR

Om Malik @om “Why is Trent Reznor even a thing.”

Now that’s hysterical.

In case you don’t get it, that’s one of John Oliver’s constructs. Making jokes about stuff people still talk about that’s irrelevant.

The truth is we care more about what Om has to say than Trent. Om is a bigger star than Trent. Who’s a has-been speaking to fortysomethings.

I’m not saying Trent is not entitled to his career, I’m just saying…why should we be listening to him?

JIMMY IOVINE

Street smart but uneducated. Can he not read a teleprompter or just not read? Steve Jobs is rolling in his grave. Steve rehearsed, had to get it perfect. Jimmy looks like he just rolled out of bed. A bad day for music, a great day for tech. I’d rather listen to Jennifer Bailey or Susan Prescott any day of the week. Historically the music business has been built on relationships and intimidation. I won’t say they’re irrelevant in tech, but they’re barely in the back seat. Furthermore, who cares about record labels getting paid? Did you see that “Rolling Stone” graph charting rising ticket prices? They’ve even outpaced the price of a college education! You’ve got to take a loan out to go to the show and the labels and artists can’t stop bitching about getting paid. Ends up looking like greed, it only alienates the paying public. Makes me wonder what the future of recordings is anyway, maybe live is everything. The popsters can’t tour and the rest earn their living on the road.

Interesting…

CHAOS

Give Jimmy credit, he’s trying to solve the music business’s problems. Although you wonder what team he’s on…

People don’t know where to go, Jimmy’s squad built one place.

But it’s a walled garden. That certainly didn’t work at Beats Music.

Furthermore, curated playlists are better than algorithms but I’m still not sure I care about almost all of them. The Beats Music playlists were a five minute diversion, I’m not sure they’ll be all that important here. We don’t want our machines to tell us what to listen to but our friends. Social media is more important than Jimmy’s team of music experts. Because we don’t know who they are and why should we trust them?

Having said all that…putting all music features in one place is a good idea. But if the Connect elements are behind the paywall…they’re a nonstarter. And they only work if Apple gains 60%+ market share, otherwise we still need to find this information elsewhere, so Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Wikipedia are still important. Is Connect the new Ping? Maybe…

BEATS 1

This is classic music industry stupidity. Everyone’s looking to Iovine to save them, but they don’t realize if Beats 1 radio is successful Apple is going to have more power than ever, it will make the stars, and the labels will be fighting to be featured. Believe me, it’s not gonna be free-form, otherwise radio consultants would not exist. Data will tell Apple what works. And that same data will keep your record off, and when radio dies you’ll have even a harder time getting noticed.

This radio service is Pandora’s worst nightmare. Because we all prefer live to canned.

But do we want radio at all?

Zane Lowe… No one in the U.S. cares a whit about BBC 1. Are they going to care about your show? As for those of stars… If they were radio personalities they wouldn’t be musicians. A novelty that wears thin very quickly.

Still, Beats 1 radio is a good idea.

However… Only Apple can afford to do it. It appears to be free. With no subscription fee and no ads… Is this something the government should look into? Is this unfair competition? How is Sirius supposed to survive, never mind Pandora? Then again, Sirius is all human creation, but Beats 1 is FREE!

CONNECT 2

Is this the new SoundCloud? Then again, is Connect free or behind the paywall? One of the many unanswered questions in today’s presentation. I mean you get a chance to tell everybody and then you punt?

As for the “One More Thing”… Yes, Steve Jobs was famous for this, but his presentations were not two and a half hours long! At this length Apple Music should have been FIRST!

DRAKE

Was actually good.

Then again, he’s a performer, he owns the stage.

SIRI

If it worked we’d all be using it, and we’re not.

Did you notice it pulled up Imagine Dragons by mistake? I didn’t know they were in the “Selma” soundtrack!

It’s cool that you can pull up old charts.

But if you think you can do it by voice control…you have no frustration level, you’re willing to waste time ad infinitum.

THE WEEKND

Make me puke!

Is this what we’ve come to, where an Apple keynote becomes a promotional opportunity?

The Weeknd can’t play a hit, he’s got to whip out a new track? Reminds me of the Grammys, where all the acts play their new cut instead of what people want to hear.

This scares me. This is evidence of Jimmy Iovine’s ties to the music business. A great big club that has been screwing listeners for decades. Republic is giving high fives and we fill manipulated.

The track was actually good…

Then again, it was a track and not very live. More like a machine. But there’s a clear dividing line between the two. We want our machines to serve us, not the other way around. And Apple’s trying to do that, with its products, but including this hype of a performance…eeww…

CONCLUSION

It was more pep rally than presentation. And that made me feel contempt for the presenters. And that’s a mistake.

As for Apple Music… It’s very simple, there’s no breakthrough feature that will get people to pay. It’s just a better looking Spotify. It evidences no reason to give up YouTube, where music lives. As for the rest of the info… You can get it all elsewhere…and believe me, artists will post Connect content elsewhere because they don’t want to take the chance that people won’t see it.

So, Apple is providing tools, which it is doing its best to improve. They get kudos for that.

As for their Music service… Not bad. Like the family pricing, which all its competitors will instantly match. That’s right major labels, you wanted people to pay more, Jimmy just got them to pay LESS! Unimpressed with the playlists. And when I saw the bubbles on screen I was reminded what a complete disaster the original Beats Music service was. And I ask why should the new one be successful?

Beats Music failed because of the short trial and the paywall.

Music has got a longer trial but still a paywall.

Unless Music goes into the freemium business… It will have limited impact, it’ll be a slightly larger Rhapsody. Because it turns out right now people see no reason to pay $10 a month to rent music. We might get there, but the key will be convenience and usability, and today’s product, although it make steps in that direction, evidences no breakthroughs.

Because those breakthroughs come from techies.

And Iovine, et al, are music people. They built the service they want to use. Is it the one the people want to use?

Doubtful.

I’m thinking about returning it.

1. IT’S A LOUSY WATCH

I’m addicted to time, I want to know what it is, and the Apple Watch performs this function very poorly. In that its face is not always on.

But I could live with that if it came up when it was supposed to, every time I flipped my wrist. But it doesn’t, especially when I’m lying on the floor doing my back exercises, it can’t cope with that.

Even worse, I can do no timing. Because the damn thing shuts off almost instantly, or at best stays alive for twenty seconds, and most of my back exercises are thirty seconds. So, how can I study the watch when I can’t see it? And oftentimes can’t touch it, because my hands are holding my knees! And when I’m in the bathroom, I can’t time how long to clean my contact lenses, nor can I prop it up while I’m in the shower to see how much time I have left before I’ve got to leave. All things I can do with my Rolex. Or even the cheap Timex I wear to third world locations. It’s frustrating. And I could buy a series of clocks, but…

2. I CAN’T SEE IT

I’m too old, my eyes are too bad.

Actually, they’re not that bad, since I wear RGP contact lenses my reading power is actually pretty good, my prescription is +1.25, which is miniscule. But so is the type on the watch. If you’re aged and you don’t wear bifocals 24/7 I’m not sure the Watch is for you. There’s great functionality you just can’t see at an arm’s length away.

And that’s a huge problem, the number one reason to return the watch, but it gets worse.

The glare.

Do some research and you’ll find out the cheaper Apple Watch is better in sunlight, but the middle one, with the sapphire glass… In sun, it’s hard to read. Why is this? My aforementioned Rolex with sapphire isn’t hard to read in sunlight.

Even worse, the damn thing keeps coming on when you wish it wouldn’t. Like when you’re driving at night, and you’re turning the steering wheel, it keeps going off and on…

So, the damn watch is awake when I don’t want it to be and asleep when I need it.

CONCLUSION

Now I could wear two watches. One on each wrist.

Or I could just suck it up and try to look cool, but it’s too expensive for that, and lacking too much usability.

I’m sure there are workarounds, but I don’t have long to send it back, and I certainly don’t want to damage/scratch it, which happens with watches on a regular basis.

But I’m completely flummoxed how Apple screwed up so bad. Really makes me believe the company is doomed. Because there’s no Steve Jobs, there’s no VISIONARY, no one to say what’s right or wrong, when to go or stop.

First and foremost the watch should be BIGGER! As we’ve already established, it’s a lousy timepiece, but a good computer, as long as you can see it. Why not a bigger screen? If the Watch survives it’ll have a Plus iteration. But Apple was too busy thinking “watch” when it should have been thinking “computer.”

And the UI is comprehensible after study, but far from intuitive. Steve Jobs would say not to start if you couldn’t make it easy. This iteration of the watch will never go mainstream, not because people don’t have a need, but because they won’t be able to figure it out!

That’s techies for you. Talking on and on about wearables. It seems we continue to live in a Microsoft world, where there’s too much functionality and not enough usablity. That’s the problem with the Watch, it can do a lot of things, but the basics are performed poorly.

Sometimes you’ve got to say no. Maybe Apple shouldn’t have made a watch.

Sometimes you’ve got to break the paradigm. They were so busy making it look like a watch, they should have begun with a blank slate.

My heart says to keep it.

But my brain says no.