NO SELF PROMOTION

Nothing will get someone to unfollow you faster than constant links to your appearances online, trying to bolster your brand. We already follow you, we believe in you, we want to bond with you, but when you keep selling to us it’s a turn-off.

NEWS WE CAN USE

First and foremost, Twitter is a news service. Informing your followers is the number one thing you can do. Turn them on to stories that give them insight into popular topics and expand their horizons. You’re a courier, your personal curation skills are your calling card. We’re all hoovering up information, we’re looking to separate the wheat from the chaff, if you come across a brilliant analysis, tweet it, if you stumble upon a story that fleshes out a popular topic, tweet it, we’re following your intellect, your curiosity, more than your shenanigans.

MAKE IT PERSONAL

We want to bond with you. In a cold world of endless messages we want to have friends. Just don’t tweet links, add some spin. Either your opinion or your emotional reaction.

HAVE A PERSONALITY/VIEWPOINT

Those trying to appeal to everybody appeal to nobody. Your edge is your advantage. Don’t worry about alienating some mythical segment of the population, everyone is never gonna follow you, there’s a huge tribe with similar viewpoints if you can just find it.

FREQUENCY

If you’re tweeting all day it shows you have no life, that you’re trying to become famous, and that’s a turn-off. If you’re at an event, feel free to go on a tweetstorm, as long as it’s informative and not just “look at me!” Otherwise, limit your tweets to four or five a day…certainly fewer than ten. If you’re thinking about your online life, about what you’re going to tweet next, you’re doing it wrong. You should encounter something, whether it be online or in real life, and be so inspired you want to tweet about it.

FLAME WAR

If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. There’s someone who’s gonna hate everything you say, if for no other reason than you have followers and they don’t. In an anonymous world, haters just double down. Ignore them. Don’t even bother to unfollow them, that shows they’ve gotten to you.

AW SHUCKS

Sure, post your cat videos, other heartstring-pullers, but know it’s a low, gutter activity, he’s who’s trolling for love is ultimately unlovable, because they don’t love themselves.

OPINIONS

Only matter if you’re not trying to rally support. Twitter is very intimate. We want to know what’s going on in your head. If you’re trying to build a movement… That had better be your main goal of being on Twitter. And never forget, further fame for yourself, or furtherance of your artistic career, is not a qualifying movement.

EVERYONE’S A REPORTER

Jammed up in traffic? In the midst of a natural disaster? Tweet about it! Skilled users search for keywords. Forget hashtags, that’s for those looking for fame, a false enterprise. When I’m stuck on the 101 I search that highway and the Hollywood Bowl and I find out what’s slowing me down. As for those too ignorant or unskilled to do this? Forget about them. Online is for those who’ve learned on the fly, who are curious, who want more. Twitter is the land of power users. But you can enjoy the site quite a lot without being one, it’s just a different experience.

STARS

Yes, they can utilize Twitter to speak to their flock. But really, other sites are so much better for this. I’d start with Snapchat Stories.

Marc Andreessen gave up Twitter. He tweeted in the triple digits every day. But his business, his VC firm, Andreessen Horowitz, trailed its competitors in returns. He made himself a target, by being an endless expert online. Would the media have gone on attack otherwise? Probably not. And one had to wonder, was this guy working at all, if he was tweeting so much? Live your life in public and people will investigate your activities and try to bring you down. Either realize this and bring yourself down first, or get off Twitter.

Twitter is not Facebook, nor is it Snapchat. Twitter is a news medium. It’s all about information. Facebook has devolved into a sharing site. I went here and did this and look at the picture. It’s about your small community of friends, if you’re doing it to get ahead you’re doing it wrong. Snapchat is one on one and entertainment.

So, if you’re not dispensing news, you’re wasting your time on Twitter. All those people detailing the escapades of their life? They missed the memo. Twitter is turning into a hotbed of trusted sources. Either you’re somebody, or you’re nobody. Everybody should not be tweeting. But if you want to know what’s going on in the world right now, if you want opinions other than those given in the mainstream news, Twitter is the go-to source. It’s gotten a bad name because of its lack of growth, but those who open the app are ADDICTED TO IT! It’s where stories are spread, it’s the town square, it’s where we go straight into candidates’ heads.

If you have a public image, and your success is based on interaction with your acolytes, you should be on the service. It’s where we go to take the temperature, to find out what you’re thinking.

As for what you’re doing… We only care if you’re famous. Which is why so many people dropped out. They found out no one cares they went to the beach or the concert, that information belongs on Facebook.

And Twitter’s biggest problem is telling people who to follow. There are suggestions in the app, but they’re nonsensical. We need a Twitter Top 100, with individual statistics for each listing. The subjects they report on and the number of times they tweet. I don’t care who you are, if you tweet twenty times a day I’m unfollowing, you’re cluttering up my feed. Furthermore, there should be categories and subcategories…news, sports, you name it. Who should I follow for breaking news and who should I follow for analysis? Who do I follow for skiing? I want this information, but it’s so hard to find the right people to follow. As for the timeline… It’s totally comprehensible if you follow the right people and they don’t overtweet. You just scroll through and see what’s happening now. Of course you’re going to miss out on things, but no one is going to catch everything. As for the “While You Were Away” tweets… They need a better algorithm or they can forget about this.

Instant, citizen news is here to stay. It’s just that Twitter was advertised as a social network and the story became about its growth or lack thereof. And in the middle we got the live-tweeting blip, as if we all wanted to hear what we all had to say about some fleeting event… Once again, we do want to hear what some knowledgeable people have to say about a live event, everybody else can just keep quiet.

It looks like Twitter will be sold. To a company that believes it’s a business tool. But Twitter is all about news. Either it goes deeper or it’s superseded by a company that has a better interface. Yes, Twitter might not be the last stop, it might be eclipsed just like MySpace, Facebook works so much better. Unfortunately, Twitter is married to its interface and 140 character paradigm. Should we even be getting real time news in an endless scroll? Do the posts have to be this brief? Maybe only a company with a clean sheet of paper can get it right. But right now, if you want to know what’s going on right now, Twitter’s the place.

P.S. I follow the “Washington Post” on Twitter because the “New York Times” tweets too much. And I’ve come to find the “Post” is vastly improved in the Bezos era, although it can sink to the level of linkbait. But the “Post” mostly tweets in a storm, late at night, upon publication time. I’m now used to this. I’m willing to scroll through and see what’s happening at this time. Or not.

P.P.S. Personalities count. I follow Liz Spayd, the new “New York Times” public editor, although I must say I prefer the old public editor better, Margaret Sullivan, who now writes for the “Post.” The “Times” is stuck in an old paradigm, it thinks it’s about the enterprise when we live in an era of stars. I’d like to follow “Times” stars, but so many have exited the paper, like Frank Rich and Nate Silver, because the “Times” wouldn’t accommodate them.

P.P.P.S. Speaking of Nate Silver, he owns the polling dialogue, even if he did get the Republican nomination/Trump phenomenon, wrong. Nate knows to tweet when his topic is hot and shut up when it’s not. Amp it up when there’s a story in your wheelhouse, it’s best to go silent when your area of expertise is dry. Or maybe tweet now and again just to show you’re alive.

I’m high but I’m grounded
I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed
I’m lost but I’m hopeful baby

Life is complicated. It’s what happens when you’re busy making other plans. And it’s rare you see it encapsulated on screen.

Tears are in my eyes, I just finished the third season of “Transparent,” if it were on HBO it would be bigger news, but stuck behind the paywall of Amazon Prime it gets accolades but few views, and that’s a shame.

One of my favorite shows was “thirtysomething.” If you disagree you can tune out now, that’s fine. Kind of like friends, some get you, some don’t. But those who do make all the difference, they get you through, because lovers come and go, it’s family and friends that remain.

I started eighteen months ago, after finishing the latest season of “House Of Cards.” I wanted to do something important, I wanted to matter, I wanted my life to be one of visceral excitement, everything they do on “House Of Cards” COUNTS! And, at loose ends, trying to keep the feeling going, I pulled up “Transparent.” It took a couple of episodes to find its footing and then…

It was the opposite of “House Of Cards.” There were no big stakes, nothing mattered, other than our little lives.

When Sarah laments that she tries out for everything but is never picked… Cheerleading, student government, ultimately the synagogue board… I resonated, all my endeavors were not failures, but when you try so hard to belong and make a difference and they won’t let you it HURTS!

Forget the trans narrative. I mean don’t let that turn you off. That’s not what the show is about, that’s just the hook, the linchpin, “Transparent” is really about a family, we’ve all got one, people we rely on and despise and love all at the same time, the only ones who stick around, forever. They grew up in the same house, they have the same neuroses, and the parents of the baby boomers were just trying to get along, not get it perfect, something their progeny have been trying to right ever since even though they cannot, the truth is kids are screwed up, stuff happens, it changes your viewpoint, your life course, you’ve got to accept it and change it all at the same time.

So, Jeffrey Tambor is PHENOMENAL as the trans Maura. Even if you’re skittish with the topic, you’ll be intrigued. It’s stunning the same guy who played Hank on “Larry Sanders” can inhabit this character. And he’s on his own journey and his ex-wife Judith Light just cannot get over this fact. You place all your faith in someone, and they don’t place all their faith in you, it happens all the time.

And Sarah has everything, or does she? She rekindles a gay relationship from college and…

The youngest daughter, Ali, is lost. Birth order matters. The youngest is always the baby and this has consequences.

And in the middle is Josh, who works in the music business, successfully. You should see him negotiate for the band van, that’s how it really works, winners in the biz are rough and tumble people creating their own rules.

But everybody’s screwed up, everybody’s got more questions than answers.

As do we all.

Everybody’s putting on a brave face. Everybody’s sucking it up. Everybody’s a brand. Everybody’s on the pathway to glory. When the truth is no one really cares what happens to you and me, we live inside our heads and sometimes the world works, and then it doesn’t.

It’s fall in L.A. Even if it’s near triple digits. It reminds me of the past. Arriving here for the first time during this season. When the light is at an angle and everything is laden with meaning. You’re searching for new friends, trying to find your place, believing the destination is key when the truth is the journey is everything, because if you ever get to where you want to go the high will only last for a minute.

The holidays. The family trips. The things you don’t want to do that end up the hooks which prop up your life. They’re all here in “Transparent.”

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll be freaked out, because you’ll see yourself.

You see we’re all unsure, we’ve all got more questions than answers, we’re doing out best but so often we’re failing. Am I cheap? Do I rage too much? Do I have sexual peculiarities? Can I follow through? We’ve all got an underbelly we do our best to avoid peeking at, but when we see it right in front of us we tingle with recognition and then our stomach gets queasy, do others see us this way?

Relationships come and go, because they’re hard to maintain.

What are the deal-breakers? Income? Trust? Sex?

Wish I could tell you, all I know is you know when something is over the line, when there’s no coming back from something said. Then you’re single once again, despite aching for the companionship of the person left behind.

And then there are the people who just can’t commit, who have to move on to something better. Even though their significant other is dedicated to them, through thick and thin.

And then there are those taken advantage of.

All of this is swirling around inside our heads. We’ve got no outlet for it. We’ve got to play the game, get along, at school, at work, in social situations, whereas we’re dying to tell our story, to be known, to feel so not alone.

Somehow Jill Soloway has wrapped this all up in a TV show. Given free rein by by Bezos and company she didn’t make a show to play overseas, a big tent to include everyone, rather she got personal and ended up universal.

“Transparent” is a secret hiding in plain sight.

Like all great art those who are believers will testify.

And those who are not don’t care.

But if you’re a member of my tribe…

P.S. I’m leading with “Hand In My Pocket” because it ends season three, sung slowly, with emphasis on the lyrics, it’s amazing how much wisdom the words contain, by expressing her angst, Alanis Morissette became the biggest star in the world.

Tonic Mountain – Spotify

I discovered this on Daily Mix.

I heard Barenaked Ladies’ “Baby Seat,” skipped through a song by Beck from “Sea Change,” heard another number that was blah and then…

You know it when you hear it, paraphrasing the Supreme Court on pornography.

I always thought Tonic was a wimpy act, closer to Starland Vocal Band than Alice In Chains, BOY WAS I WRONG!

Yes, they had that big hit “If You Could Only See,” but “Mountain” isn’t playing to the cheap seats, it’s not pop music made for coin, it’s like something out of the glory days of FM radio, when testing limits and providing substance was the goal, the empty sugar calories of Top Forty being completely irrelevant.

Oh, what a long strange trip it’s been.

MTV started with the classic rockers with videos, Rod Stewart, other acts that had broken in Europe where the visual format mattered.

Then the rest of the oldsters poured through the gate, Tom Petty, Don Henley, and then Duran Duran blew the paradigm wide open, it was all new acts with new music.

And then Michael Jackson widened the horizon, MTV became a big tent.

And then when the decade turned, from the eighties to the nineties, production became everything, pop made inroads, but rock soldiered on, even if we sometimes considered it ersatz, with the ultimately underrated Matchbox Twenty ruling.

And then it went totally urban, hip-hop and pop, and that sound has been dominating for the entire twenty first century, it’s like rock is a lost art, except for the shoegazers, you know, the boys with the thin voices and the thin guitars who believe they can bring the magic back if they just get enough attention.

And then you hear something like “Mountain” and you’re brought back to where you once belonged, it feels so good, it’s like discovering a Dead Sea Scroll. Whew!

It starts with an acoustic guitar, like a graybeard sitting around a campfire, completely disconnected from society, picking for himself as opposed to the audience.

And then there’s this descending figure, like someone’s telling you their life story, not someone famous, but a regular joe, like you and me, the people who count, and then…

A bit after thirty seconds, the guitars start to spit lightning, lighting up the sky, and a mellifluous voice sits atop the whole thing.

She
She came down
From the mountain
And I
I stood my ground
On the mountain

And the guitars ring like bells in a cathedral, spouting religion, you become an instant believer, and that descending figure hooks you in its electric iteration and Emerson Hart is twisting and turning the words and you can feel it in your gut.

Like a fire I’m drawn to her lust
I can’t run from her, but lord I must
Like a demon I’m drawn to her flame
I’m gonna burn calling her name
I’m gonna burn calling her name

It’s loud, but it’s intimate. You’re twisting and turning in this section, like a roller coaster after the big hill, and then…

The whole thing amps up, everybody turns it up to 11, everybody’s firing on all cylinders, but unlike with today’s speedy metal it’s not overbearing, it’s not too much, it’s not made to turn you off, rather it’s a pill you cannot help but swallow, one that will take you on a magic trip.

And when it gets quiet again, with the acoustic instruments reappearing.

And then it gets so HEAVY!

It’s like Led Zeppelin filtered through a modern paradigm, the dynamics, the loud to soft and back to loud again, with lyricism and melody baked in, it’s INFECTIOUS!

And if we, are patient
Then maybe, we’ll get it straight
On the mountain

Oh, this image resonates. I love the city accoutrements, everything at your fingertips, but it can become oppressive, I can breathe in the mountains, atop a hill, free, that’s where the insights come, in a vacuum where you’re alone with your thoughts.

And the music.

Used to be we knew the songs by heart, we sang them to ourselves, they were playing in our head. Now we can take them everywhere.

I couldn’t believe it, I had to fire up Wikipedia, learn more about this act.

I read this track was from their debut, “Lemon Parade,” and that they’d remade it acoustically just now, in 2016, via PledgeMusic.

So I pulled that up.

Same song, but different. I missed the dynamics of the original, even though it was satisfying on its own merits.

But, was this album so popular, was it the “Jagged Little Pill” for a subsection of the population, to the point fans were clamoring for a redo?

“Lemon Parade” went platinum, then again everything went platinum in 1996.

Then again, albums come out today and instantly disappear. And when you go back to them, eh.

So now I’ve got to listen to more of “Lemon Parade.” I start with the opening track, “Open Your Eyes,” I can’t believe it, it’s so heavy yet so lyrical, I get it immediately. I’m coursing through the album, I play “If You Could Only See,” find out that after the light intro it too gets heavy. I go on Deezer Elite to hear “Mountain” in CD quality.

And it’s all because of Spotify’s Daily Mix.

We live in a golden era. I must not have been on the mailing list back then, I don’t remember owning “Lemon Parade.” And it would have disappeared completely if not for the modern paradigm, wherein everything’s at your fingertips for one low price.

But I needed someone to lead me to it.

And the algorithm did. Lord only knows how it knew. Lord knows how I missed this the first time around, “Mountain” could reestablish your allegiance to rock music, if you only heard it.

But it was cut twenty years ago. The band members are now fifty.

But what I wanted most was to SEE THEM!

Not for the production, not for the dancing, but the sound. I wanted to nod my head and mouth the words, be entranced, taken away.

“Mountain” is as fresh as yesterday. I mean Wednesday.

You’ll be stunned.

Tonic Mountain – YouTube electric

Tonic Mountain – YouTube acoustic

The only problem is people HATE HIM!

Expecting Lyor Cohen to make peace with labels is like believing Roger Waters will get back together with David Gilmour for a concert in support of Israeli statehood.

This shows how out of touch YouTube is, I hope the ink isn’t dry.

As for Lyor himself…KUDOS! He crawled from the wreckage into a brand new car.

Every other majordomo has faded into the woodwork. From Yetnikoff to Mottola, take away their checkbook, their power-base, and they’re done. Lyor opened his label, the 300, and ultimately had a hit with Fetty Wap, but despite that hit, despite all the hogwash about establishing a new paradigm, using Twitter data, not much else materialized.

As for YouTube…

They don’t need any hand-holding, they don’t need anybody explaining their position, they just need to agree to one take-down notice and higher royalty payments, something Robert Kyncl and his team have repeatedly said they would not do.

This isn’t Spotify or Apple, with playlists and exclusives…

And if you think the music industry wants to deliver those to YouTube… You don’t know that YouTube is more hated than Lyor.

Lyor is known for loyalty. Like Pablo Escobar, his team would take a bullet for him. He’s a smart guy, but he’s street smart, and that doesn’t work in tech, it’s about the numbers, data doesn’t lie.

Come on, can you imagine Lyor in a meeting convincing a label head or a manager? Do you even know how this guy speaks? And he needs to sit atop the pedestal, humility is not in his bag of tricks.

This just proves that YouTube is clueless.