They promised us one more thing, and all we got were emojis.

It was like listening to a new album from a faded rock star, all style and no substance.

This is about leadership.

And tech.

And the need for us to have something or someone to believe in.

Despite the glorification of the self, the promotion of one’s personality and penumbra for effect, the truth is we need those above us, they inspire us with their excellence, they give us something to live for.

And that is not Tim Cook and his band of nerds.

A plethora of people it was. Of both sexes and more than one color. It was a veritable rainbow coalition, akin to some Up With People, appeal to everybody, make me puke presentation.

We’re looking for bleeding edge, presented with charisma, and there was none of that here.

It’s now Tim Cook’s company. He takes the stage and you wince. Not this boring old fart again. The supply chain supplicant who inherited the operation…I’d rather hear from Janice in accounting. And if you don’t catch that John Oliver reference you’re missing out on something funny and dangerous, that makes you think, as opposed to what we got here today.

I returned my Watch, I couldn’t see it. And now they promote it as a health service. That’s the breakthrough app? Laudable, but most people are just not interested. It’s like promoting a band with fans that most of us just don’t care about. Can you write a hit single already?

As for Eddy Cue, he’s a salesman. A great antidote to Tim Cook, but you scratch the surface and find no genius. It’s like listening to a a Senior Vice President at some sales conference in Vegas, NEXT!

That’s where Craig Federighi started, he’s the last of the Jobs survivors. And he got the most airtime today, and he made the most of it. He cracked jokes, he evidenced a personality, but what he was selling were tweaks, nudges, there were no breakthroughs in evidence.

Tech has hit a wall. MySpace replaced Friendster but Facebook stole the eyeballs and it appears we’re at the end of the road. Nothing’s gonna break the monopoly. We’ve become accustomed in the past two decades to a wiping clean of the slate every couple of years, we believed revolution was just around the corner, it was thrilling to watch and be a part of, but now… It’s a few companies honing their offerings and consolidating power.

I could bore you with the offerings, but…

Let’s see, Siri has come to the Mac!

A service I never use because she constantly gets it wrong.

I can draw responses on my iPhone. No, get this, I can draw responses on my WATCH! And if you think that’s gonna work well you’ve got Lilliputian fingers and are a graduate of Art Center.

I was hoping for a new MacBook Pro, mine’s aged, I want to replace it, but there were no hardware offerings in sight. Then again, so many of the new features will only work with the latest iteration of devices. Pushing on your phone to bring up options. You do have a 6s, right?


And now that people actually have to pay for the devices, now that contracts are about service as opposed to hardware, most people believe their mobile is good enough, the upgrade cycle has stalled.

But you’re missing out on features!

But most of the features they demonstrated today I wasn’t interested in and will never use.

I can create invisible ink! I can have my emojis automatically suggested! Who gives a crap. No, let me take that back, the mobile and texting rule communication, these features will be utilized, but they will not push the envelope.

As for music, the vaunted relaunch… One of the worst demos of all time, coherence was left back in Cupertino. And you know the company’s screwed when they still insist on combining files and streams. When they say downloads, do they mean tracks I’ve purchased or what I’ve synched via the $10 a month service? Damned if I know. But at least it wasn’t Jimmy Iovine giving the demo, but a hip young lady who evidenced that music was cool, something different, and had no place at this geekfest.

The geeks don’t want no freaks.

And the freaks have been too busy trying to suck up and sell out to the geeks.

Time to go your separate way. Time to focus on creativity, making it about testing limits as opposed to money. One hit single can rain down more cash than most tech startups. But you’ve got to have the inspiration and the chops and…

The pendulum is swinging back. The artists are going to regain control. What are you gonna say?

P.S. The highlight was the Swift demo, proffered by a woman who lived for physics who had a bit of subtle attitude, a flash of the old Jobs crass. It was too long and covered too much but you got a window into what could be done, it made you want to enter the coding world.

P.P.S. Enough with the self-congratulatory videos. We get it, you’re Apple, why not give us one more thing that will not only thrill us, but raise your stock price?

P.P.P.S. I watched, but I didn’t feel involved, a member of the tribe. The attendees looked like zombies who’d drunk the kool-aid. And I love to drink the sugary soft stuff too, but you’ve got to get me with your head and heart, from the very start, and keep titillating me along the way, and today I felt no connection.

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