Gimlet Media – Crimetown

Crimetown

Podcasts are the new music.

There have been three revolutions in music, the Beatles/British Invasion, MTV and Napster, and for the past fifteen years we’ve been living in a moribund world…quick, name a new sound!

But we’ve all been too focused on technology to notice.

But when was the last time you bought a new piece of gear? And the artificial scarcity of the Snap Spectacles doesn’t count… Those are toys, Xmas gifts, but remember the mania over the iPod?

It’s happening now in podcasts.

Remember… The iPod didn’t burgeon until it went Windows, people thought it was an overpriced curio, despite owners testifying about it. Same deal with podcasts, there are those who are clued in and those who don’t care, but they soon will.

The standard podcast is about to be eclipsed. You know, the man with the microphone interviewing someone promoting something. The same way AM pop was eclipsed by FM rock. There’s a maturity happening in the podcast world, and it all began with “Serial.”

A narrative that hooked the populace. Never underestimate story, it’s what we all hunger for. Which is why we go on Netflix binges and television is triumphant, in a disconnected world, where we’re at loose ends emotionally, despite being interconnected with our devices, we’re in search of humanity, we want that personal touch, and that’s what podcasts provide.

“Serial” was “Sgt. Pepper.” An even better analogy is “Myst,” the computer game that broke that vertical wide open. They showed the POSSIBILITIES!

It’s no longer sufficient to have a mic only, you need production. Which is how Malcolm Gladwell broke through. His podcast series, “Revisionist History,” was seamless, a tour-de-force, despite being the ramblings of a self-anointed nobody.

Yes kids, that paradigm is dying. We’re looking to scientists, originators, who’ve spent their entire lives dedicated to the subject of study. Gladwell just comes up with theories and searches for stories to prove them. Gladwell gets collegiate financial aid SO wrong in “Revisionist History” that I may never trust him again. Then again, he writes so much better than Clayton Christensen, whose latest book, “Competing Against Luck: The Story of Innovation and Customer Choice,” is a must-read, if you can get through it. Christensen has been analyzing innovation for decades, he’s gone in search of how best to disrupt yourself, and I’d trust an academic over a self-promoting wanker every day of the week.

But Gladwell’s podcast is another step in the journey. Funny how you can get instantly noticed in podcasting and sustain, whereas no record has ubiquity, despite acolytes of hits saying it’s otherwise. Music has become too niche. We’re looking for those who can speak to everybody, who can make us feel part of a tribe. And I’m betting at least half of the country has no interest in the Spotify Top 50.

But my purpose here is not to delineate the failings of the music business, or to point out Gladwell’s flaws, but to hip you to this new podcast “Crimetown.”

It’s number one on the charts.

And the podcasting chart means something. It’s not like SoundScan, where albums come and go in a month, if they last that long. You can scroll through the podcast chart and take the temperature of what people are listening to, and what they’re listening to most right now is “Crimetown,” an expose on the Mob in Providence, Rhode Island.

Now “Crimetown” is not hosted by wannabes down the street, held together with duct tape and chewing gum, rather it’s steered by Marc Smerling, the guy from “Capturing The Friedmans,” possibly the best true crime documentary in history, and Zac Stuart-Pontier, who was part of the team on “The Jinx,” last year’s HBO true crime caper that spread like wildfire and put its protagonist, Robert Durst, in jail.

Did you know that Providence was a hotbed of Mafiosi?

Lisa’s dad keeps telling me this, but I haven’t believed him. Bridgeport was pretty Mobbed-up, they used to dump bodies on the fairway of the country club.

But “Crimetown” makes a good case that Providence was part of a Mob triumvirate along with Chicago and New York and then it goes deeper, it sets the scene.

It’s theatre of the mind. You can PICTURE IT!

Funny how we’ve gotten here. Radio is line readers, its dramas long disappeared, but now, in the most visual era extant, it’s all about listening!

There are two hills in Providence, one with the Mob, the other with Brown University, and there’s City Hall in between, by the river. And Raymond Patriarca controlled it all.

They tried to put him in jail for murder, but he skated.

But the more you listen to the stories about Patriarca, the more you recognize people in today’s world. The ones who do favors for everybody, but are not afraid of doing what’s untoward. Some things never change, despite digitization, people are people and some exercise power and some pay fealty…

And that’s how Jerry gets involved, he meets the big shots in prison and then he goes deeper.

One bad move and your life is ruined. We live in an era of redemption stories, but the truth is you make your own bed and not only do you sleep in it, you frequently die in it.

Killing, protection, loan-sharking, they were in it all.

But “Crimetown” is less about the activities than the people. How do you end up where you do?

Maybe your dad broke your nose when you were two. Maybe you stepped in to protect a brother. Maybe you were just running for mayor and…

That’s the main through-thread in “Crimetown,” Buddy Cianci, the mayor who went to jail and then became mayor again.

You think the techies can eviscerate crime? They’re some of the worst offenders!

And after listening to episodes you can go online and see pictures, learn more, the new tools are enhancing the underlying podcasts.

And it’s all built on quality and word of mouth.

It won’t be that way forever, we’re still in the podcast wild west, but for now…

It’s like it was in the sixties in music, the late nineties in techs, there are podcasts that are wowing us, whenever you get together with someone they ask what you are listening to. There’s an underlying excitement that not only thrills you, but makes you feel proud you’re a member of the club, the same way you did when you were listening to FM radio and your classmates were not.

Forget Steven Dubner and his pontifications on economics. Steven Levitt is the economist, Dubner is just a writer!

That’s right, there are a lot of poseurs in the podcast world, who leverage fame in other pursuits to gain traction.

But they’re not gonna last.

Because the professionals are invading. Not only Smerling and Stuart-Pontier, but Gimlet Media, the company bankrolling them.

But the beneficiary is the listener.

“Crimetown” is like “The Godfather” but it’s real. It’s about bad people doing bad things and good people doing bad things and as one of the characters opines, “If you are going to be bad, be good at it!”

There’s too much production. And the story is not as riveting as “Serial,” but…

“Crimetown” is a harbinger of what’s to come.

We embrace the new, that which is not fully-formed. That’s one of the main reasons the young flocked to Snapchat, to see it evolve on their watch.

Podcasts are evolving on our watch right now.

P.S. If you’re out of the loop… The iPhone comes with the Podcasts app built in. It’s purple, you’ll find it. After opening the app click on “Top Charts” at the bottom. You’ll see “Crimetown” is number one. I also recommend number 17, “Undone,” which sometimes gets it wrong but illustrates the possibilities. And if you just like stories, check out #27, “The Moth.” And if you’re interested in interviews, subscribe to David Axelrod’s “Axe Files,” he’s been there and done that and therefore the conversation is at a higher level. (And now I’m gonna be inundated with readers’ favorites, but that just demonstrates the mania.)

P.P.S. We all come from somewhere. Crime is not limited to Providence. The reason we enjoy these true crime stories is a double whammy of wondering what truly is going on where we live and the notion that one false move…might lead us where we don’t want to be.

P.P.P.S. Episode four just went live today! This is the serialization that worked for network television before it inserted too many reruns and lost our interest and was usurped by cable. And, like Netflix, if you come to the party late, you can just binge on ’em all.

We went to school for twenty years to make our parents proud.

Now they’re stealing Medicare, what’s happening for crying out loud.

We thought the rich were bluebloods who inherited their wares.

Now we find the rich earned it and think they deserve it and create the jobs and know better than you and me, whose crime is we just don’t have enough money.

And our kids know the Beatles but believe in Beyonce, even more Jay Z, because when it comes to entertainment the African-Americans are king, but behind their backs everybody sneers, saying they’re not entitled to a thing.

And Mr. Jones knew nothing about Dylan, but now Mr. Sulzberger knows nothing about Trump, meanwhile life goes on all around us.

Save the planet? Save yourself! That’s what George Carlin said, after he told us not to bother voting, because the owners of this country weren’t gonna let us in. And despite the disadvantaged no-future blue collars electing a businessman President, they’re not gonna have a seat at the table. The Cabinet says just to trust them. But we’ve learned to sleep with one eye open.

And everything seems the same yet it’s different. We’ve got the same spouse, the same car, the same house. But institutions are no longer to be trusted, facts are irrelevant and only money matters. After TV. Would the President-to-be be without TV?

I don’t think so.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We were supposed to do better than our parents, instead of them shtupping us cash while we broker their decline. Our fathers didn’t have fantasies, they were raising families. We bought the future hook, line and sinker, but then the American Dream was extinguished, check the facts, er, we already established facts are irrelevant.

So it’s everybody for themselves these days. And if you just trust the fat cats it’ll all work out well, but they cut taxes and tried to stimulate business and then Kansas went to hell.

Used to be we had idols, musicians, who marched to a different drummer. But that was back when you wrote your own songs and being rich was a million and middle class values reigned. The poor will do what’s expedient, that’s the nature of those without, they’re desperate, ethics go out the window, you’re just trying to survive.

And those on top want to stay there.

And I’m stuck in the middle with you.

Meanwhile, the guy who sang that song is six feet under, along with the heroes who ruled for decades, as opposed to one day.

And since you can’t make money, they dangle fame in front of your eyes. That’s the nature of reality television, social sharing, admit it, you know how many Facebook friends you’ve got, you revel in lording your adventures and accomplishments over your minions. They promised us a forty hour work week and two cars in the driveway and all we got was a virtual home, a residence on networks run by billionaires, built on air, but don’t you ever criticize the technologists, they deliver our craved constants, the mobile phone, the internet…without them we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves. Distractions all, that’s the truth. We’ve sacrificed our privacy and our income for a life where we’re connected but more distant. Explain again how that works to me?

But there’s no there there.

Even our music is virtual. And as much as we’re protesting, the players bitch more. Nobody’s got any answers, they just like to complain, while they’re not begging for attention, for money, can you explain GoFundMe to me please, is it really any different than lettering some cardboard and hanging out at the intersection?

We just took a wrong turn. We’re headed in a bad direction. There’s less acceptance and there will be fewer rights but at least the old lifer won’t be in power, then again, what did Pete Townshend sing, “Meet the new boss, same as the old boss”? But that was back before he sold his songs to “CSI,” when he still had creative juice, when he still had something to say, before he died inside because he got old.

And speaking of old, do you enjoy seeing the aged farts again and again and again? On the original album tour, the turn of the century comeback tour, then the cleanup tour and now the retirement tour? No mas for me, I’m living on my memories, I’ve seen them all and none of them are what they used to be, because they’ve got bills like you and me, and this is how they pay them, art isn’t in the back seat, it’s not even in the car.

But cable is a bastion of story. And in some ways life is better than it’s ever been?

But with this wake-up call we’re re-evaluating, have we been asleep at the wheel in an era where the only country left in the music is the fake twang of the vocal and groupthink rules?

You don’t want to be an individual, you don’t want to let your freak flag fly, you’ll be excoriated, you may not go to jail but you’ll be a social outcast, which is anathema to a millennial, baby boomers can handle it, but if baby boomers aren’t running the operation they’re gone, they’re already in the rearview mirror.

We can’t make it here, so we need someone to blame. The fat cats, the uneducated, the educated, the poor, we’re pointing fingers at everyone, we used to be in it together, but that’s before life got coarse and we went off course, steer while you still can, they’re gonna take the wheel out of the car soon.

1. Take a long hard look at yourself.

What kind of music do you make? Pop or genre tunes?

If you don’t see your music fitting in with the Spotify Top 50, you probably don’t need a label, you need a COMMUNITY! A group of active talkers who live for the music, like the Americana fanatics. They’re hungry for new tunes, food that will feed them. Don’t walk into the wilderness without a community, there’s too much noise, your message will be drowned out. Communities nurture new acts, spread the word, and sustain old ones. Press also helps in communities, it’s seen as a badge of honor when you’re in the “New York Times” or on “CBS Sunday Morning,” all your believers will tweet, e-mail and Facebook about it and this will keep your career going, even if it’s not a triumphant moment. Your goal is to quit your day job, to have a sustaining career, and this is dependent upon fans.

But if you do see your music fitting in on the Spotify Top 50… Sign with a major label, you need their relationships. The playlist is everything and the major can get you placed. You’ll get a chance, but you’ll sink or swim based on the material itself. The major can just get you started. And if you gain traction on Spotify, the major can jump you to terrestrial radio, that’s how it happens these days, everything gets started on the streaming service.

But what about Apple? And YouTube?

In the rearview mirror. Apple Music is hampered by not having a free tier. Furthermore, its subscribers skew older, and older people take fewer chances. As for YouTube… Streams on Spotify outstrip those on the video service these days. YouTube is a good place to actually see the video, but if you’re listening, Spotify is much better.

As for exclusives…

They’re history. If you see someone making an exclusive streaming deal you know they haven’t gotten the memo. The truth is Spotify’s market share is so much bigger than its competitors that if you’re not on the Swedish service your music will be hampered and it may not ever recover. Spotify is no longer asleep, Troy Carter has made a huge difference. There are products to enhance the visibility of your project, there’s seeding on playlists, and if you make an exclusive elsewhere…you lose all this, you’re screwed, the joke is on you, you need Spotify to start and sustain you. The old metrics, first week “Billboard” chart, impressive publicity campaign, they’re a joke, a waste of money. You get the word out online and then Spotify gives you a chance and if you gain traction they push you further, they’re along for the ride. And if you don’t sign up with Spotify from the get-go, you’re left at the station, suitcase in your hand.

2. Exceptions to the above.

Country and hip-hop, the latter invades the Spotify Top 50, the former does not yet. If you make country music, you want to be with a major. But not necessarily if you’re in the hip-hop world. Hip-hop is a giant community, word is spread independently of the press, you can come from nowhere and make it without big time help in hip-hop.

Country is developing on Spotify. If you don’t see your music fitting in on the Hot Country playlist, you don’t need a major, you need a community, see above.

But all acts should check out the genre specific playlists on Spotify. Under the Browse tab. If you don’t see your music fitting in with the tracks on the most popular playlist…it’s going to be a long hard slog. Don’t expect to make much money on your recordings, because Spotify pays when people stream, i.e. actually listen. So either accept your fate, or try to make music that fits the format. Which sounds like selling out, and usually it is, but sometimes you can make music that’s so transcendent it redefines the genre. You take the building blocks and then jump off from there. Very few acts can do this, but those that do become superstars. It’s why Yes can still tour and Freddie Mercury and Queen are such icons, and why so much of the music of the past twenty five years has been forgotten, it’s me-too.

3. Making money.

If your music fits the Spotify hit charts, voila, it’s very simple, you’re on the road to riches, assuming you make hit music. All the naysayers, they’ve got a low stream count. Sure, major label deals need to be improved, but Spotify pays out beaucoup bucks if you’ve got a hit. Anything under 10 million is bupkes, forget about making money. But if in the aggregate your music gets nine digits of streams…you’re making bank.

If you’re not making Spotify-specific music, then welcome to the road. You’ve got to slug it out, from gig to gig, increasing your audience. Your performance skills are more important than your music, and your agent is the king of your world. Where can you play, who can you open for? You’re starting at ground zero and trying to climb the ladder, it’s a long hard slog, but your fans can keep you alive, assuming you do the work. And so few do, want to do the work, that is. Everybody expects instant glory, the moon shot. And you can get a facsimile of that with the major label, but don’t expect them to act instantaneously. With so much cash on the line, the majors want a guarantee, which is why they’ll have you work with Max Martin or a cowriter. They can’t take a risk, they only get a few shots, and they’re all so EXPENSIVE! But with the major you can be famous soon, if not rich. But if you’re not on a major…you may never be famous, you may never be rich. Most of your contemporaries will drop out, reducing your competition, but you’re gonna fight to get to the middle, to be a working musician.

4. Albums

Can you write a hit?

Then you don’t need an album, otherwise you do.

If you’re not playing the Spotify game, make an album, you want something your fans can sink their teeth into. But if you’re going for hits, forget the album, it’s a dead construct, the audience has rejected it, the industry doesn’t know it yet, and too many vocal yellers are muddying up the marketplace. The truth is the audience on Spotify listens primarily to playlists, not of their own device, assembled of many tunes. Your goal is to get on these playlists. There are exceptions, like the Weeknd, who can get most of his album heard, but most other acts cannot. Focus on the hit single. Again and again and again. No one is interested in your album cuts until you’ve become a star. And even then, most people only stream the hits. The album is an archaic construct. And a hundred million streams of one track pays better than one million of ten.

5. Frequency

Faster. Focus on writing and recording as opposed to touring if you’re playing the Spotify game. There’s plenty of time to tour to acolytes. Lady Gaga hasn’t had a hit in years and she still sells tickets. The old album cycle is history. And failure is not the black mark it used to be. Little Big Town put out an experimental EP that went straight to the dumper in the late spring, but they’ve got a new hit single today.

6. Sponsorships

Do it for the money, not the exposure. And the dirty little secret is the public cares.

Listen to Evan Spiegel, majordomo of Snapchat, the hottest social network:

“Snap’s Spiegel told advertisers last year that an emotional line exists between their companies and people. Blurring that line leads to content people find weird. So brands, he said, shouldn’t try to humanize themselves on social media – which is what they get from tapping influencers. Instead, Snap offers video, banner and animation ads that stick out from normal content.”

Instagram and YouTube play nice with their most popular users. Why doesn’t Snapchat?

Acts come and go, managers, agents and labels are forever. So when your handlers tell you to take the money…beware, ponder the negative effect on your career.

7. Fan focus

Is not saying how much you love your fans. It is giving them extras, but primarily it’s about giving them something to believe in, which is your music.

The music is the hardest part, which is why everybody focuses on everything else, it’s much easier.

Your job is to touch people’s souls, whether you make Spotify Top 50 music or small genre music. Bare your soul, innovate and people will be bonded to you.

But it’s so difficult to do.

Not everybody can make it in music, not even the talented. Under the best of circumstances there are dead ends and dashed hopes. The goal is to stay in the game long enough to succeed. You put in your hours, you get better, you step up to bat and you make your own luck.

The business wants you to make it, everybody’s rooting for you, except maybe your compatriot musicians, because when you succeed, everybody in the food chain makes money, the label, Spotify, your publisher, the promoter, the building, and, of course, the manager, agent and you. No one is holding you back but yourself. Are you ready to run the gauntlet? Then we want you!

Assuming you obey the above precepts and tickle our fancy.

Which is more difficult than ever to do.

She was GAS.

If you think sex should be performed under the covers, in the dark, this is not for you.

If you think oral is offensive, this is not for you.

If you think old, faded baseball players who have been to jail are not worth listening to, this is not for you.

But if you want to hear Lenny Dykstra prove he’s the best pussy-eater in the world…YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!

I didn’t care a whit about Dykstra. In the same way I don’t care about any athlete. The truth is they’re jocks, they may play well-rounded people on television, but the reality is they’re members of a subculture wherein physicality is everything and you’re constantly jockeying for position. If you haven’t been put down by an athlete, you’ve never spent time in the locker room.

But I did follow Nails’ career. That’s what they called him, because he was just that tough. Back when players had nicknames. Where are the Yogis, Mooses and Catfishes of today?

Nonexistent. Because the players want respect. Andy is now Andrew. Bob is now Robert. How do you know you’re talking to a baby boomer? He’s got a Y at the end of his name!

Anyway, Nails had to retire, his body gave out. He was doctor-shopping, looking for someone to give him a pass, but my orthopedic surgeon said no, Lenny had stenosis, he had to go.

Which he did, he retired and became a financial expert.

I know, I know, LENNY DYKSTRA?

But he had a private jet and they talked about him on CNBC and I don’t know, my father didn’t play the stock market, he believed in real estate, he worked too hard for his money, he was risk averse, and so am I.

But Lenny loves risk. It took him all the way to the bottom, to prison, where he lost all his teeth. And now he talks in this mealy-mouthed fashion in soft tones, he doesn’t come across as a braggart, but his stories are INSANE!

That’s what wannabes don’t understand. They keep imitating those who’ve made it, when the truth is we’re looking for originals. People so whacked and different that we can’t help but pay attention. Train wrecks like Lenny Dykstra.

So, promoting his book on Stern, back in the spring, Lenny told of his sexual exploits. And the truth about Lenny is no one believes him, they think he’s telling tall tales.

So the Stern team decided to put him to the test. They wanted names. And Lenny provided them. That’s right, Howard Stern had on two women who’d been eaten out by Lenny Dykstra.

I told you it was gonna get gross.

Assuming you’re squeamish with sex. Personally, I love to give oral. It’s a gift. The woman is appreciative. And when she comes!! She’s in her own private reverie, it’s astounding to watch. Like Lenny, I’d rather give than receive. Then again, this is not about my own apprehension with getting head. I guess…I feel I’m not worthy, and few know how to do it right. Then again, there was that time Alison blew me on the office floor…

So first Lenny catches Howard up on what has transpired since the publication of his book. Davey Johnson is friendly, they hung at a card show, despite Dykstra calling him a drunk. As for Mickey Rourke, Lenny wants a cage match, a fight to the death, Rourke owes him 30 grand and threatened him on TMZ but Dykstra doesn’t back down, he’s a man’s man, with a sense of theatre, hell, do it pay-per-view, it’ll get him out of his financial hole.

But that’s Lenny, if you cross him, it’s open season. He didn’t mind sharing his blow with DeNiro, but when Bobby ignored him…the tale had to be told.

And the tale today was about eating pussy.

Lenny hired a lesbian so he wouldn’t be tempted. She accompanied him on his book tour, but he couldn’t resist, he ate her out, repeatedly.

And then there was the comedian… The one who was “gas.”

That’s another thing about Lenny, he’s got that jock language, where they have code for everything. It’s fascinating to listen to, because you get the gist but you’ve never heard the words before, kinda like that movie “Heathers,” where they made up all the slang. “Gas” means “hot.”

He took her back to his bungalow…

And made her take a shower.

You see Lenny’s a clean freak.

Everybody’s got their neuroses. But nobody reveals them. Which is what makes Lenny so fascinating. He’s worried about coming. He can’t be in a bathroom at the same time as a woman. Under the skin everybody’s a freak, but you don’t know that until you’re intimate with them. Have you ever gotten a woman to fart in public? Good luck! You’ve got to be in a relationship for that.

So then Lenny starts talking about perfect pussy. How it can’t be “zyzyggy.” If it’s zyzyggy, you can’t shave. As for shaving, I don’t get it whatsoever, that’s part of the thrill for me, the hair. It’s like boobs without nipples, huh? But Lenny’s talking about a 90 degree pussy and I’m straining to visualize this and then Robin interrupts, he means 180 DEGREES! A straight slit! But rather than doubling-down on his mistake, Lenny admits fault, says he was never good at math, and that’s what makes him so lovable. Reveal your flaws, then you’ll be embraced.

And it takes the woman a long time to come, No one ever owns up to this. But Lenny doesn’t get tired. Does he use his fingers? Of course not, that spoils it! Does he ever penetrate?

Yes, but only missionary, he doesn’t do doggy. I mean come on, who can’t love a guy who’s boasting about sex and then says he doesn’t do everything! Like two women at once, it’s a no-go, he can’t focus.

Also, he needs the twenty minutes for the kangaroo to kick in. “Kangaroo”??? What’s that? It’s his personal Viagra, an off-brand item, but when he peeled and revealed, SHE LAUGHED!

“Peeled and revealed,” how does he come up with this stuff? Lenny’s full of catch phrases, and unlike a comedian it doesn’t seem rehearsed. You’re getting a window into a new world, that you can’t stop paying attention to!

You see Lenny Dykstra is good entertainment. Proving, once again, that being yourself is the best road to riches. Hell, in his book Lenny doesn’t say to be like him, unlike Megyn Kelly, writing her tome to inspire others. Hogwash. First and foremost you’re an entertainer. And if you say you’d rather spend time with Megyn as opposed to Lenny…you think you can get into Megyn’s pants, and I doubt that.

So last year at this time, the Stern Show was all about stunting, an endless procession of household names hyping their work. Gets kind of repetitive, not because the star stories are uninteresting, but because their products are. They come and go instantly. But this holiday season, Howard has returned to the hijinks. He may not have strippers on Sybians, but there’s the curious underbelly of life, revealed for all to see.

We all have sex. We all have our preferences, our quirks.

But we never ever talk about it. Not unless we’re bragging. Demonstrate insecurity and you’re punted to the back.

But listening to Lenny Dykstra on Stern was strangely riveting, entering an alternative universe that in some ways was just like your own. That’s the goal of art, to express humanity, to get us to identify. Which is why music and movies are in the dumper, they’re fantasies we can’t relate to.

But human beings, warts and all?

Sign us up for that!

“Lenny Dykstra’s Bedroom Talents Confirmed By Two Women Who Found Out Firsthand Just How Good He Is: Jessica And Jasmine Give Howard All The Details On What Makes Lenny Such A Skillful Lover”