“Notes to John”: https://shorturl.at/PJFLg

1

This is an utterly astounding book that should be read by everybody.

I must admit, I am not a huge Joan Didion fan. I loved “Slouching Towards Bethlehem,” but found “Play It As It Lays” flat. As for the vaunted books thereafter, I found them dense and mannered and thought I was the only one until I found out my college buddy John agreed, he couldn’t read them either.

Then I got hooked on the books about Eve Babitz, wherein Didion was excoriated. Seen as someone at remove, who was so quiet she made you talk and then used your words against you. Furthermore, it was stated that Joan used her short stature to portray innocence when this was far from accurate.

I was surprised that “Notes to John” doubles down on this. Didion reveals all these character flaws. She’s SO F*CKED UP!

Then again, maybe you are too.

In truth, we’re all screwed up. The only question is whether we try to untie the knot and advance ourselves. Most people do not. And neither did Joan Didion until her daughter Quintana got caught up in the throes of alcoholism and was seen as suicidal. Quintana saw a psychiatrist who suggested that Joan see a psychiatrist too, to help her deal with what was going on with Quintana. But ultimately this Dr. MacKinnon focuses on Joan herself, and what a tale it is to tell.

Joan never would have allowed these diaries to be published if she were still alive. They’re from the turn of the century and she didn’t die until 2021 so she seemed to want to keep them private. But the estate assembled these notes and…

These are diary entries that she gives to her husband John Gregory Dunne so he will be informed as to what is going on. I don’t know how long it took her to write them, but I do admire the skill with which Didion puts words together. Having said that, the diaries can at times be confusing. You’re not exactly sure who she’s talking about. I advise you to just go with the flow. Once again, these were not written for public consumption, never mind edited by Joan.

2

So Joan is clueless as to her behavior. Why she acts the way she does and how it impacts those around her.

On some level she’s living the life of a literary star. There are enough names dropped here to make you feel inadequate. And, once again, since these missives were not written for public consumption, you know they are real. Also, Joan is always bitching about money, but they spend Thanksgiving in St. Bart’s and go to Paris for Christmas and…this is a jet set lifestyle only a tiny elite partake in. Not that Joan came from money, but maybe hanging with the rich and famous and trying to keep up with the Joneses she lost all perspective. A little budgeting would have gone a long way. Ironically, this is a complaint she has about her daughter, not being able to see the same quality in herself.

Another theme is Joan and John’s wish to give up writing movies because it’s so unfulfilling. Dealing with young know-it-alls. Totally frustrating. But can they pay the bills doing what they want to? Ultimately they take this path, the shrink helps her do this. This is a quandary for so many. You end up making a living doing something you fell into, can you put it aside?

So Quintana was adopted and Joan is always anxious that she’s working too much and therefore is not paying enough attention to her daughter. The shrink says just the opposite is true, that Joan thinks about Quintana all the time and won’t let go.

The relationship between mothers and daughters, fathers and daughters, is analyzed deeply and everyone will gain insight from reading this book.

These words from Dr. MacKinnon struck me:

“‘People learn to negotiate as infants. Tiny children. Or they don’t. They learn to negotiate by negotiating with their parents. Or, they accept their parents as unnegotiable, all-powerful. They acquiesce. They may resent it, but they do what their parents want them to do without questioning it. They even anticipate what their parents want.'”

This is something that comes up in couples therapy all the time. When I hear no, why do I not ask again? And I tell the doctor in my family if you asked again YOU GOT HIT!

Furthermore, I had to do so much I didn’t want to as a child that I don’t want to make ANYBODY do ANYTHING they don’t want to. I don’t want to push them. But the end result is I hear no and accept it and become resentful.

Continuing with MacKinnon’s words:

“‘Children get angry with their parents. If they don’t grow up, they stay angry.”

I hear it in my family… What my mother would think. But she’s been DEAD for nearly five years!

But I get the point. This was a huge breakthrough for me. I went to the psychiatrist who got me to stand up to my mother and she went INSANE! Asked me when I was going to stop seeing that doctor. We argued for months. But it was very freeing. I was willing to sacrifice everything to become an adult.

This is a huge issue delineated in the book. People trying to please their parents. Having guilt about it. God, to break through from my parents’ wishes… Even though obeying them would be crippling to the point of being paralyzed.

While I’m quoting the book…

“You have trouble engaging.”

Funny, because Joan was always present, she was anything but a hermit. But she kept herself apart, aloof. She knew she never felt a member of the group. Whether it be her family or the college sorority she painfully extricated herself from. But she had no idea that people PERCEIVED HER THIS WAY!

This is what blows my mind constantly. People who have no idea how others see them. They’re blind and it costs them. This is something we focused on in therapy. I get to manage interactions. First I must assess my personality and then decide upon my goal. If I want to be a member of the group, to get along, I let inaccuracies slide, I watch my tone. Then again, sometimes you’re confronted with bullies and you should bring out the hammer. I’ve historically been afraid to do this. That’s another thing I’ve addressed with the shrink. Famous names piling upon me…me trying to negotiate peace, which involves enduring the abuse until they hopefully flame out. Better to walk away or stand up to them.

Back to negotiation…

I HATE IT!

That’s the essence of being a successful business person. You have to negotiate. It’s a game. I’d rather get right to the nitty-gritty. This is the deal, are we doing it or not? But really, you have to be nice, establish a relationship, do some back and forth… Joan says she’s bad at it, so she has lawyers and agents do this work. In most cases I do this now too. But some deals in everyday life you just have to do on your own. Maybe as simple as buying a car.

3

The insights in this book are so brilliant that you’re constantly employing them to analyze your own life. Sure, you wince at famous Joan’s lack of insight into herself, but that just proves the point. We’re putting up a front, faking it until we make it, and we don’t even recognize this is a burden, never mind the fallout. And then there are those who decline help, they say they can figure things out themselves, or their friends can help them. Not only is this wrong, usually they’re afraid of going to therapy, for fear they’ll appear inadequate. And then there are those who balk at the cost. Believe me, to afford someone as good as Dr. MacKinnon you either have to be rich or sacrifice.

When many people would rather buy a car, or go on vacation. Not realizing that therapy will probably allow them to earn even more money.

4

Now I’m pretty f*cked up too. But unlike Joan Didion and most of the population I’ve benefited from years of psychotherapy.

However, I still have my issues, believe me I have my issues.

This truly resonated with me:

“Working was how I filled the hole. I reminded her that you and I always worked on weekends. I said we hadn’t always done so. But at some point we had discovered that working through the weekend could allay what we had always called the Sunday jits.”

BINGO!

There comes a point on Sunday where I’m losing it and the only way to get back on track is to work.

I marvel at the Jerry Maguire types who can be with people 24/7. I need my alone time, to think. People are great, then again…

The book addresses aging. How you don’t want to hang with marginal friends anymore. Instinctively you feel you only have a certain amount of time left, and you don’t want to waste it. When you’re younger you’re hanging on to these friendships for what they might lead to. When you’re old, you are where you are.

Ditto, you see less of a need to throw and go to parties. You want to expend your energy on that which will fulfill you.

Now I know most people will never read this book.

And I know many will dismiss it as psychobabble.

And although not difficult to read, “Notes to John” does not cut like butter. But you get addicted and you’re in this private space contemplating your own issues and…

I’ve never read a book that made me think about myself this much. NEVER!

Tune in Saturday July 19th to Faction Talk, channel 103, at 4 PM East, 1 PM West.

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I don’t know why they don’t just say they are cancelling for poor ticket sales? Since nobody has bought a ticket, nobody will be surprised. The weather excuse is the true embarrassment, not poor sales. I mean, in 2025 who thought Steve Miller would sell any tickets to begin with?

Jake Malloy

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Weather?  Looking at that seating map, it’s blue skies everywhere!!

Eric Howarth

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Did someone actually pay money for this all-time hall of shame junk press release?

Deb Wilker

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Steve Miller = The Pompatus of Lies?

Vince Welsh

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Well all I can say is… Bet you weren’t ready for that!

Tom Clark

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Time for someone to Fly Like an Eagle……

Jeff Pinhey

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He thinks our cash is nothing but trash?

Dennis Pelowski

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Bob, I have my own reason to dislike Steve Miller Band.  I had just turned 20 in 1967 when my band, the Shades Of Dawn, were slated to play at what I believe was the first Love In, (then called Human Be In), at Elysian Park on Easter Sunday March 26, 1967.  (this was before the Griffith Park Love-ins).  My band was backstage waiting for the band before us, the Steve Miller Band, to finish.  Slated to play after us was the Iron Butterfly, relatively unknown at the time.  But because Steve Miller played way past their cutoff time, a guy told us that in order to get back on schedule, they would have to skip us and let the Iron Butterfly play.  So we never got to play!

Sterling Howard, founder/owner
https://www.MusiciansContact.com

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For the first time ever, we took out extra insurance on our biggest outdoor gigs of the summer to ensure we get paid in the event of an extreme weather cancellation. I think the statutory rate is something like 3% of the artist’s net? We added it for 13 of our 30 something summer shows. For a mid-size act like Umphrey’s McGee this deal made sense, offering us some protection and reduced touring anxiety.

Joel Cummins

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Blaming poor sales on unforeseen circumstances is nothing new.  You’ve got your last minute ‘scheduling issues’ when the issue was scheduling into a too large venue.  You’ve got your ‘illness’ when a show passes through a poor selling region.  You’ve got your postponement when the ‘staging ain’t ready’ which is designed to get more press before the tour launch.  You’ve got your ‘serious illness’ when the whole tour needs to be scrapped.  And let’s not forget the Kelly Clarkson ‘I rehearsed too hard.’

It must be hard for a former rock star that can’t get work on a Workday commercial to realize their ‘appeal has become more selective.’

In all seriousness.  The concert industry is a bit overblown.  The hoi polloi is being priced out by ticket cost, parking fees, beer and hassle.  We have to be more selective.  Can’t go to everything like we did in our youth.  I fear The Who may have to cancel – and I’m planning on seeing that one.  Maybe the excuse will the ‘Roger fired another band member.’

Jeffrey Wirtz

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Miller cancelled on us in New Mexico a couple of years ago, too. That was it for me – he was put on my “declining” list after that. This process has only accelerated..

I bought front row tickets for Neil Young at the bowl last year, months in advance. My 28 year old daughter was pretty excited to see him and as for me, somehow after 40 years of being a deep fan, I only saw him once at the Buffalo Springfield reunion. But this was with Crazy Horse. It was about time, and I was happy to pay thousands for our seats.

 

Since we’d be in LA for a few days, I saw that Heart was in town during those days, and the YouTube videos of recent shows were pretty great, so I purchased front row seats for that show as well.

 

Neil cancelled, because of illness. Refunded our money immediately. But now, as you point out, we’ve booked flights, hotels, etc. for LA, so we would do more visiting of our old haunts around town and see Heart.

Heart “postponed”, because of Anne’s treatments. Totally understandable. But now we’re out thousands of dollars we weren’t nearly as excited about spending. Finally, we decided to go to Paris during Heart’s rescheduled shows, so I sold my tickets on StubHub, and someone – who wasn’t watching Anne’s post-treatment performances which were sad to watch, though we all root for her – bought them.

So, after a sunk cost of thousands, we did not see either of these artists.

 

Anne appears to be recovering pretty well – it’s good to see this.

 

But my mental model for these shows is completely different. I will no longer fly anywhere or pay these rates to see these acts. It’s too much hassle, and the diminishing returns of seeing musicians I love perform at a subpar level are no longer interesting.  This process started as they got older in the late 10’s and has sped up. Brian leaving the stage mid-song during “Sail On Sailor”. Graeme Edge walking away from the drums he just sat at while the real drummer played. Justin playing along with a recording of that flamenco-speed acoustic at the beginning of Questions. McCartney’s croaking voice. Pete’s stomach flapping around during his hops, with windmills that don’t include a single strike on the strings.

Again, I sit front-row only at these heritage acts. There are great shows – Fogerty still brings it, ZZ Top was in the pocket (before Dusty died), and so on. Stones right before Charlie left us – well done. Got exactly what I wanted. Same with Frampton. I think 2020 was a turning point. After that, it’s been difficult to book and reliably see an uncanceled show.

I love all these people too much to watch the decline from the front row or deal with the travel logistics of their changes to avoid insurance problems, etc. The era is past. I had a great time for 50 years seeing these people. You had to be there.

Gary Lang

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From: Kenny Lee Lewis

Re: Steve Miller Tour Cancellation

Well I share your letter once and a while on social media when you serve up the jagged pill for weak liberals and cultist conservatives to swallow and I have to defend you all the time to those you offend because of your truth at any cost honesty.

But this time you are wrong you cranky old fart.

You didn’t see Steve Miller hanging over a railing after our first outdoor stadium show opening in the sun for Journey and Def Leopard in Atlanta trying to fend off heat exhaustion. I was really worried about him.

Nest couple outdoor shows the crew had to arrange the stage air coolers with flexible ducts on him as he also wore frozen gel packs on his neck and shoulders. He looked like the Michelin Man! And he still almost passed out.

It’s easy for your snow-skiing ass not to have ever felt this humid senior-killer heat and sit back in your armchair and point your finger and call lies. Shame on you Bob. You don’t know the half of it. This has got nothing to do with poor tickets sales. The man is trying to be smart about his health!

Now when we finally got into some air-conditioned stadiums and arenas with with a lid it greatly improved the situation.

This prompted Steve to seek indoor arena shows only for this year. Unfortunately that didn’t happen for several reasons and he reluctantly signed off to keep doing some outdoor shed shows for the sake of keeping our family employed and giving the fans what they wanted.

This decision did not come lightly. When Covid hit in 2020 Steve was one of the first to pull the plug on his tour before any of the other acts did because he knew the severity of the situation and that the pandemic was going to shut everything down. People complained then as well but then the government got involved and we were all out of work.Steve was right.

The Joker has always relied on instincts and in this case he is rolling that pair of dice again. It’s too frickin hot for an 81 year-old to go out on that stage as temperatures keep breaking records even if you are the closer as the sun sets.

As for his indoor shows that were cancelled on this tour I can’t comment on. I’m sure the logistics of fragmenting the dates and changing routimg and days off layovers would have been a nightmare for production. So he just chose to cancel everything. And there you have it.

Now go pick on someone else you cranky old contrarian.

44 year Steve Miller Bandmember

Kenny Lee Lewis

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From: Kenny Lee Lewis

Re: Steve Miller Tour Cancellation

You need to take beat, think about your rather narcissist position you are taking on this, that is, not taking responsibility and blaming others for your error, and put on the big boy pants and admit you just wanted the clicks on your letter rather than being open-minded to health concerns for this cancellation. Calling Steve Miller a liar and all about the money is going to make you lose respect from your followers rather than temper your self righteous steel. My threads are blowing up supporting my retort to you Bob. You can dig into all the metrics you want about ticket sales. We’ve always down well with walk-ups and last minute buys. But even if sales were down Steve has been concerned about this heat for years . That same Atlanta show I mentioned we had to send our stage manager to the hospital for a mini stroke that day! It’s not just the band it’s the crew as well. The heat is no joke but apparently you are.

You NEGOTIATE!

Which is how we know that CBS canceled the “Late Show” for political reasons.

Let me see now… You take a top producer, a revenue positive show, and you cancel it willy-nilly?

Let’s say income is down. Then like the news outlets, you renegotiate the contracts with the talent, you give them the option of staying at less remuneration. But not here!

And then CBS puts out a press release saying the decision was purely financial. Then why don’t you publish the figures? OF COURSE YOU WON’T, BECAUSE THE SHOW IS MAKING MONEY!

Welcome to Trumpworld, where the truth is irrelevant and you lie with impunity.

And they’re coming for you next.

Just like Trump said he was coming for Rosie O’Donnell.

Does he have the right to? Not under the Constitution, but the Supreme Court has been giving him a green light on so many questionable things.

But you, sitting at home, are you really going to utter or write anti-Trump venom? Colbert can afford to lose his job, can you? You probably have to keep your mouth shut.

Is this another Kaepernick situation?

In a normal world, another network would immediately scarf up Colbert, he’s the ratings victor. But will competitors hold back for fear of pissing off Trump?

And don’t depend on the law to save you, there’s the aforementioned bogus, biased Supreme Court and the lawyers settled with Trump… It ain’t about what is right or wrong, but the MONEY!

Trumpers think they’re immune. But Trump can turn on a dime, suddenly the Epstein files are a Democratic hoax perpetrated on the Republicans. You’re just grist for the mill, you don’t matter, freedom my ass.

In Constitutional law there’s the concept of the chilling effect. Whether a law will cause people not to act, even if the action is legal, for fear of consequences.

It’s a cold winter in America already.

When you have to think twice before you speak up.

What’s next? What other unthinkable domino will fall?

Cut the weather people, undermine FEMA, get rid of the Department of Education…

It ain’t funny.