Howard Stern has a new book. He’s been talking it up for weeks. And now he’s confronted with the question of publicity. What should he do, where should he appear. And being the media-savant he claims to be, Howard only want to appear on shows that SELL BOOKS!

This is different from the pre-internet scorched earth paradigm. Used to be you told your publicity agent to get you ink everywhere, to create a feeling of momentum, but today there are so many messages, no one cares.

Especially when non-events get ink.

Like the re-release of Keith Richards’ album “Talk Is Cheap.” I’ll give credit to the publicity team, they got placement in major newspapers, where the aged target audience still goes, but the truth is most of the audience didn’t want the project the first time around, it was seen as a middling effort, one step above a stiff. If it wasn’t Keith, no one would remember it. And at this point, almost no one does. As for rebuying it… Are you kidding me?

And the King of all Blacks called to tell Howard that he should appear on “Real Time,” because that show sells books. And that was a good point. Because Bill Maher dedicates a whole segment to authors. Then again, if you’re not selling a political book…

Of course you want reviews in book review sections… Then again, is there where the Howard Stern audience lurks?

You’ve got to be smart.

And you’ve got to self-promote.

This is what old artists agitate against and young artists understand. You preach to your audience and if you do something worth spreading, they will.

I know, I know, this is contradictory to expectations. You want to go worldwide.

But no one is that big anymore. We live in niche culture. Be happy anybody cares at all. You create your vertical and monetize it.

That’s the Billie Eilish story. The videos were monstrous before this initial album came out. She was working it. You’ve all got to work it.

And sure, phenomena come down the pike now and again, but it’s rare these days. And little sticks.

So by talking about his book on his show every day Howard Stern is creating his own excitement. And today everybody has a platform, everybody should be in contact with their fans on a regular basis. It’s part of your job. The data is the most important thing.

Nothing is as powerful as e-mail.

But if you tweet and Instagram IT MUST BE YOU! If you’ve got a company doing it either you’re dead or your career is about to be.

Furthermore, books are one of the few things that still require an entry fee. As do movies. But music and TV come as part of a bundle, i.e. Spotify and Netflix. You have to convince someone to listen and watch. Not one of the tracks on Richards’ reissue of “Talk Is Cheap” has broken a million streams on Spotify. Some are in the very low four digits. What was this about?

Don’t count on the media to be an arbiter. The media shovels product on a daily basis, they don’t care if it sticks. Keith Richards himself would have to promote the record, and he’s too big to do this. So why do it at all?

And even if Howard Stern hits number one on the NYT chart, most people will not read his book. It’s not like the nineties, when we had a small culture and were all interested in the same things. Today, even your friends have not seen the same TV shows. But if Stern’s fans truly believe the book is worth a read by non-fans, they’ll tell them. Stern is self-promoting and he’s activating his user base. That’s how you do it today.

And chances are you’ll never go nuclear.

But you can survive. You can make money.

It’s just that most people will have no idea you exist.

Tune in today, Tuesday April 2nd, on Volume 106, 7 PM East, 4 PM West.

Phone #: 844-6-VOLUME, 844-686-5863

Twitter: @siriusxmvolume/#lefsetzlive

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My radio was stolen for the fifth time. This one was a Kenwood. It only lasted a day and this time they broke the console. My insurance was canceled and I gave up. I drove my 2002 for years with no problem, and then all of a sudden I couldn’t keep a head unit. I decided to leave the console broken, and I went to one of those discount electronics places on Beverly and bought a twenty dollar radio. You know, about 8×10″. I’d place it in the passenger seat, extend the antenna, and dial in the stations when I wasn’t shifting.

And then the antenna broke. Which in retrospect I should have foreseen. For I couldn’t leave the radio visible when I parked, I had to put it under the seat, hide it, and somehow in this many times a day movement the antenna snapped. So I got one of those wires with an alligator clip and clipped it to the stub and let it flop on the seat and it worked pretty well.

This was the summer of ’84. The heyday of alternative rock on KROQ. Nascent hair bands on KMET and oldies with a few cherry-picked new cuts on KLOS. And soft rock on KNX. It was the heyday of L.A. radio. Then again, KWST, the Led Zeppelin station, had gone by the wayside a few years prior.

And I lived to hear the Thompson Twins’ “Hold Me Now.” Sure, I was aware of “In The Name of Love,” it was played incessantly on KROQ, but there were so many English bands that came and went so fast I didn’t buy their album. But when that intro flourish came on the radio, it was exciting. If you wanted to know what was going on, you listened to KROQ, before every home had MTV, when you felt you were part of something, a movement, led by these English bands experimenting.

But “In The Name of Love” didn’t prepare me for “Hold Me Now.”

Now at the time I was working in a house a hundred yards up from the Rainbow, and every night there was an event and I oftentimes didn’t drive home until midnight, or thereafter, and when I heard the notes of “Hold Me Now” on the radio, I was soothed, I smiled.

Hold me now, warm my heart
Stay with me, let loving start

You’ve got to know, L.A. nights are not hot. Maybe a week a year, at least before climate change. But as the sun goes down, it gets cool. You can almost sense the dew descending. And “Hold Me Now” ran shotgun, literally, as I drove home.

I had to buy the album “Into The Gap” so I could hear it more.

I love that LP. Especially the opening cut, “Doctor! Doctor!” This was back before everything had to be in-your-face, when a record could be an invitation, to a journey to a place you’d never been before. You didn’t need drugs to experience the music, the tunes were drugs themselves.

Like the second side opener, “The Gap.” Akin to a journey to the East.

No one ever talks about “Into The Gap” anymore, never mind the Thompson Twins, but the album is one of my all time favorites. And I went to see the band at the Greek, it was a celebration. And Arista held a party afterwards, I remember the exquisite chocolate cheesecake. And I foresaw great things for the Thompson Twins, but they never materialized.

But Foreigner was well known. They appeared when KROQ was still a free-format station. They were too hip to play “Feels Like The First Time,” but KMET and KLOS banged it. It was a one listen wonder, I had to drive to Music Odyssey to buy the album the day it was released, I couldn’t live without hearing the track on demand. It was a masterpiece. With the squealing keyboard, the buzz saw riff and the sweet powerful vocal.

But the rest of the LP was not quite as good.

“Cold As Ice” was a bit cheesy in my book.

“Headknocker” a little too formulaic.

“Long, Long Way From Home” was better, but I didn’t buy “Hot Blooded,” the follow-up. Maybe I didn’t need to, the title track lived on the radio, along with Foghat, who I came to love.

Stone blue, rock and roll sure helped me through

And “Double Vision” was serviceable, it didn’t bug me, but it didn’t stick to me either.

And “Head Games” was even worse. “Dirty White Boy,” talk about corporate rock. Although, as the decades have gone by, I’ve learned to love “Head Games.” What can I say, it’s the unexpected change into the chorus, and, even though Mick Jones was the mastermind, Lou Gramm was the special sauce that put the act over the top.

But expectations for the act were low, especially now that the new wave had gotten traction.

And then we read that they were working with Mutt Lange.

This was after “Back In Black,” when the combo of the two was a head-scratcher, what was the resulting album, ultimately entitled “4,” gonna sound like?

Like nothing that came before.

“Urgent” exploded out of the radio, and was brought to the goal line by Junior Walker’s saxophone, a sound most hadn’t been exposed to since “Shotgun” fifteen years before.

I could feel the excitement, I had to own the album.

And there was another killer cut, “Juke Box Hero,” reminiscent of Bad Company’s “Shooting Star,” and I love Bad Company.

But the best cut on the LP, which I discovered in my house, not on the radio, was “Waiting For A Girl Like You.”

Now if you talked to Bud Prager, Foreigner’s manager, and I did, he believed the apotheosis was “I Want To Know What Love Is,” from “4”‘s follow-up, “Agent Provocateur,” but that LP missed Mutt, and I believed, and still do, that this was a play for the center, with its cheesy video, it might have gotten a lot of plays, but it eviscerated the band’s cred. This was before hair bands cut ballads for airplay, but still…who are you? A sellout?

But “Waiting For A Girl Like You” still fit in the band’s oeuvre. It was ethereal.

And its otherworldliness was its magic. A journey into orbit. Of the world, but somehow removed, just like a music fan. Our music was everything, it got us through.

And what put it over the top was Lou Gramm’s vocal, the way he went up in the chorus, he was WAITING!

Aren’t we all. For love, for our lives to begin.

So long, I’ve been looking too hard, I’ve been waiting too long
Sometimes I don’t know what I will find, I only know it’s a matter of time

The waiting is the hardest part. Back when there was no internet diversion, never mind in the palm of your hand. You had to waste time in bars, searching. But you still believed, there were no incels.

It feels so right, so warm and true, I need to know if you feel it too

He’s not overconfident, they’re in it together.

Maybe I’m wrong, won’t you tell me if I’m coming on too strong

He’s insecure, like we were, maybe still are.

This is the opposite of #MeToo. The bands may have raped and pillaged, but we listeners were lonely nerds, we just wanted someone to talk to us, to understand us, to give us a chance.

This heart of mine has been hurt before, this time I want to be sure

That’s what’s wrong with experience, it makes you gun-shy.

I’ve been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive
Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life

She’s gonna solve all my problems.

That’s what you believe when you’ve got more questions than answers, when you’re slogging through life, putting one foot in front of another trying to get…

Somewhere.

But then comes the key line:

Only in dreams could it be this way

Ain’t that the truth. Real life is messy. Perfection doesn’t exist. You have to forgive flaws. You’ve got to be willing to jump in and make it work.

Or you can sit at home and listen to records.

So I’m driving home late one night, twiddling the dial on that radio, looking for “Hold Me Now,” and I hear “Waiting For A Girl Like You.”

It gave me hope, I’ll never forget it.

Waiting For A Girl Like You – Spotify playlist

Finally! After giving that cash hoard back to stockholders, the Cupertino Company has decided to invest in itself. Just like Facebook bought Instagram, Apple is now acquiring Snap. Of course it should have purchased Netflix, but contrary to Steve Jobs’s mantra, if it wasn’t invented in Apple Park, they’re not interested, especially after the Beats fiasco, where Jimmy Iovine pulled the wool over the eyes of the company, selling them a flawed product with few users that had to be completely overhauled to become functional. An offloading of crap this stinky hadn’t been seen since Evolution sold Palm and its OS to HP, which not long thereafter shut it down, writing it all off.

But Tim Cook is being hassled. Especially after last week’s meh presentation. All anybody can ask is how much does their TV channel cost? And how can it compete with Netflix, never mind Amazon and Disney. It’s a conundrum. Jobs believed in thinning the product line as to not confuse consumers and loading up thousands of songs and photos on iPhones whereas Cook keeps broadening the product line, confusing customers, and creating a TV channel with very little product. And after getting beaten by Iovine, et al, they should know better than to get involved in Hollywood, where the most successful independent studio, i.e. Carolco, went bankrupt, because it’s all about catalog/library, and Tinseltown has ripped-off investors from time immemorial. DISTRIBUTION not PRODUCTION! Distribution is king, why are they making programs? They’re not buying record labels because they know this would piss off the industry, why get involved with these creative charlatans?

But that’s Silicon Valley for you, especially Apple, they think they know better.

So this is a sudden move. Especially now that Snap is cheap because of its stalled growth, caused as a result of Instagram’s me-tooism.

But with so little on the market, as tech consolidation continues, Apple didn’t want to be left out of the game of musical chairs. As for building a social network itself, can you say PING? Look, even Google couldn’t compete with Facebook, it was not in their skill set and Zuck’s company had too much momentum. You buy market share.

And the cost to Apple for Snap is a drop in the bucket.

But Snap has advantages, most notably privacy. Facebook gets beaten up in the press seemingly daily, Snap is more controlled. Without advertising clutter. Sure, Cook famously said that Apple would not trade on its customers’ information, but he’ll weasel out of that by saying Snap is a separate company.

However, the truly big news is that Evan Spiegel will have a dual role. Just like Jobs before him, with Pixar and Apple. Not only will Spiegel run Snap, he will also become Cook’s number two, his visionary. No, it’s not far-fetched, it’s brilliant, because Spiegel employs the same reality distortion field as Mr. Jobs. Spiegel keeps testifying as to Snap’s assets and future when the facts point to the opposite. Come on, talk about snookering the public!

But, like Oprah Winfrey said, with Snap now in a billion pockets with Apple, it’s gonna go gangbusters. People trust their information with Apple. So, this will be the social network people cling to, especially the oldsters who make up the majority of track purchasers at the iTunes Store. They may not know how to use Snapchat, but infatuated with being hip, they’ll do their best to figure it out. There will be no phone support, but if you go to the Genius Bar, you’ll be able to get help. Actually, this is why Angela Ahrendts got pushed out of Apple retail. She argued for putting high fashion and makeup in Apple Stores, utilizing her expertise from her stint at Burberry, she’d even lined up an exclusive with Kylie Jenner. But Eddy Cue shut her down, saying it’s best to sell air, there’s no inventory, only upside, physical objects don’t scale the same way.

You see it’s all about apps and software and Apple has little ability to monetize its air, especially now that operating system software is free. So, expect a ton of potential upgrades to Snapchat. You’ll be able to get virtual Hermes outfits. And Kanye is going to deliver virtual shoes. Apple decided to get the genius on board. The announcement of Kanye’s deal was supposed to be announced at Coachella, during his Sunday Service, but the news was leaked on WeChat of all places, but supposedly Cook is still set to helicopter in.

But what will seal the deal is the inclusion of Trump. That’s right, with a gift of stock, Apple has convinced the President to give up Twitter and make Snapchat his sole social network. Brilliant idea if I do say so myself. Best to have his snaps disappear, before they can be analyzed, and few remember what he said anyway. And yes, Ivanka and Jared will get stock too, they’ve got the same deal. But Eric and Don Jr. are being left out, because they almost got their dad nailed in Russiagate. But Tiffany is gung-ho. And they’re finally bringing Barron Trump into the spotlight. He’s the key to driving adoption by the younger demo. You see you don’t have to be a certain age to play on the new Snapchat. It’ll be safe for all ages. And if there’s any trouble, well, with the Trump deal Apple’s connected.

And just to be safe, they’ve contracted with Elizabeth Warren too. Shutting her up and adding to her campaign chest in one quick stroke. That’s right, the senator has been behind in fundraising. Now she’s got deep pockets. And, she can’t complain about corporations.

So what’s next, that’s the question.

Apple has pivoted, from hardware to software.

And the vision problem has been solved. If you can’t develop it, you buy it. Hell, Jobs bought SoundJam so he could build iTunes.

And news is the music of today, and the new News app puts Apple squarely in the center of the discussion.

But they need to buy more. Netflix is too big to be bought, maybe they’ll scoop up Hulu, that would give them a steady stream of product to launch their TV service upon.

So Apple lovers can finally breathe easy. The messiah has come. Evan Spiegel is going to jet Apple into the stratosphere. And Miranda Kerr will appear in new commercials, thus garnering the vapid vote of teenage girls addicted to fashion and makeup.

As for Apple haters… This is a way to voice your disgust with Facebook. But, Facebook still has its killer app, i.e. WhatsApp, even though no one in the media seems to be aware of this.

A deal this important hasn’t occurred since AOL bought Time Warner.

Get excited. A safe way of wasting time is coming to your handset. You’ll be able to boast to friends and have plausible deniability when your pictures disappear. There’ll be no bread crumbs to ruin future employment. And when Apple buys IAC and adds dating… Whew, think of the possibilities!

It’s gonna happen. As soon as Barry Diller acquires Grindr. Then he’ll deliver Cook the whole package.

It’s all about people. This is an end run around the rest of the tech behemoths. A stealth move. Apple is about to own social networking. Zuckerberg and his lame Facebook will turn to dust. It’s Apple’s world and we just live in it.

Maybe.