You had me at… ‘I don’t like dogs.’ Clearly not around food! First it was dogs on planes… and now every aisle at Whole Foods??

I’m not a dog hater … but damn. I swear, since the pandemic the number of people walking dogs has exploded… as has the need to dodge droppings on the sidewalks.

Emotional support dogs my a*s!

Nebraska Mike Browne

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Thanks Bob,when I was living in Park City during Sundance I was buying my GF some wine,and this guy,who was double parked with the motor running,told me he wants to go in front of me because his wine is more expensive than mine.And he was serious.Stay well,have a wonderful day,Ted Keane

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I’m always behind these people at Starbucks.  I’m standing in line for simple brewed dark roast, and the person in front me doesn’t think about what she wants until she’s next in line.  Then there’s serious pondering followed by, “OK, I guess I will have double frappalito decaf with almond milk and one pump of sugar free raspberry and one pump of regular chocolate.  And do you still have the herbal spice syrup? And stir it counterclockwise please.  The last time I was here they did it clockwise.”

Dave Burgess

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Bob! try going to the Whole Foods here In Tribeca NYC. The thick stench of aggressive entitlement hangs heavy, from the rich moms trying to mow you down with their strollers to the finance bros in blue shirts pushing you out of the way to the a*sholess who bring their dogs inside even when the huge sign outside says no pets. Everyone talks like they’re sending food back at the country club. I hate it, and them.

Daniel Frith

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They act that way because they don’t value or understand the concept of a society.

The reason why so many European countries end up in the top 10 lists of the world’s happiest countries is because they’re societies, not just collections of individuals. There’s an intuitive understanding that life is better if you live someplace where people can be healthy, kids can have an education, and working to live is better than living to work. To make those things possible, you need a society. That’s a foreign concept to me-first people.

Craig Anderton

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Welcome to LA. Chock full of self absorbed self entitled pricks! A hyper exaggerated version of America. The a*sholes taking up two spaces? Probably moved to LA from Jersey or Florida or Boston.

Derek Morris

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There are dogs in Ralph’s too.

M.

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Hi Mr. Lefsetz,

I’m in Michigan and all that sh*t was at Wal-Mart and Menards, yesterday!

No sh*t!

P.S. Add kicking your cart aside to the list!

John Payne

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Larry David, is that you?…..

To be continued,

Sjaak

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Quite the rant Bob!!! I think you checked all the boxes and none of us will be sending you a therapy bill.

LOL….. deep breath, hold, release and repeat for 10 mins….

Cheers!

KELLY CLARK

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Why I go to Publix!!

Eric Giles

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Love!

Will Nutting

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Dogs everywhere. I bitch about this on the regular. I love dogs. They’re sweet and fun and as long as they’re behaved and in their place, fine. But the amount of dogs I see in Cafes, Grocery stores, etc. I’m done. When did this become okay?
These clerks don’t get paid enough or have it in them to bother addressing Karen and her accessory poodle. The drama. Or we’ll get, “it’s a support animal!” And we’re supposed to feel the villain – immediately! How dare we suggest Muffy, the award winning poodle, as some kind of pariah.
Some people are afraid of dogs. Some people are allergic to dogs. Some people are selfish pricks who only see their own needs. It’s just more of the ME society.
I’m over it.

Marc McDonald in Boston

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Lighten up Francis.  When I run into those types I remind myself to be grateful that I don’t have to wake up every morning and be them.

Whole Foods may cause hypertension, call your doctor and find out if Ralph’s is right for you!

Neal Berz

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Just order Whole Foods online and save yourself the horror,  No one actually goes to the store anymore except the people who work for Instacart and Whole Foods

Noah K. Lesser

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Im not sure about rich people as I only know a couple.  But you are spot on (get it) about dog folks.  Why bring a dog to Lowes or in a plane? Why spend a grand on a kenel?  Why spend $30k on dog surgery?
What about people that are allergic to dogs?  I guess they dont count like those allergic to gluten or peanuts.
From RJG

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Bob, you’re so right about this! Well said!

B.J. van Kalker

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Love it , great read Bob, I’m a millions miles away from LA but I had that same experience there 25 years ago.
Hope the roast beef was nice

Robbie Williams

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you and I are so alike lol ….

Michael Levine

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Rude folks in every store, Bob.   This is America and you had a bad day.  It’s just the way it is.

Lizzz Kritzer

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All dogs are wonderful, many dog owners are not. If YOU found that woman insufferable, take pity on that dog, he or she has to live with that woman! LOL.

Jer Gervasi
Las Vegas, NV

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Best newsletter ever 🙂

Richard Dunlap

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Whole Foods is overrated anyway. The ethnic markets here in Chicago carry equally good produce at half the price.

Helaine Krysik

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Preach it. My wife is all about organic, but even she won’t go to The Whole Paycheck because (a) she doesn’t trust them and (2) all of the reasons you don’t like it.

The only place worse is probably Erewhon.

As my dad says, “you can smell the smug when you walk in.”

—

Jordan Kenning

London UK

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Spot-on yet again,  Bob!

…People who’ve got “dietary restrictions that don’t square with any science”.

Love it!

I’m not used to laughing out loud at seven in the morning.

My day is already made.  Thanks.

Art Velordi

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I’ve always said it was Reagan who ruined America.

Bob Davis

retired tour accountant

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Jon’s is where it’s at.  And check out the many farmers markets throughout the city.  You’ll be eating better and have a few extra bucks in your pocket.

Regards,

Chris Bennett

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take a nap, Bob.

Todd Burns

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Bob, I hear you. But you lost me with dogs. You don’t like dogs, well, that’s your business. But don’t blame the dog. Cesar Milan said “Problem is not dog, problem is human.” Many dog owners just should not have a dog. They don’t understand the responsibility. They have one as a trophy. They just aren’t good people, whatever. But the dog isn’t the problem.

Thanks.

Steve Kaplan

Minneapolis

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Bob, I am with you one hundred thousand percent!!! Entitled people need lessons in humility and I have a feeling many of them may be getting them sooner than later if things continue as they are and I doubt it will be pretty. Anyway, sorry you had to go through that and hope your day today will be better!

Tom Gillam

New BraunfelsTX

PS- I love animals but they do not belong in the place where I buy my food, or in most public places for that matter, privileged people get their jollys out of parading around their pets and making others uncomfortable by doing so. I didn’t read what you said as “you hate animals ” I read it more as “be smart about where you bring your pet so as not to infringe on my personal space”

Just my two cents

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I don’t like dogs either.

It feels good to say that out loud.

Hope Dlugozima

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Oh my Lord, thank you – I could have written this as it’s basically a speech I make at least once a week!!!  Let’s add the arseholes who continue their stupid phone calls at the checkout, not acknowledging or respecting the clerk who’s trying to earn a crust. I’m old enough now that – probably like you, I suspect – the angry words I used to mutter under my breath I now say out loud ( my wife always helpfully points this out……)
It’s at the point now where I often say “I really can’t venture out” – but we all need a slice of beef and a refreshing salad from time to time , right?
Perfect piece, again, thanks. “I’m not alone”

Adam Howell

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Don’t say you don’t like dogs. Thats not it. You don’t like humans with untrained dogs.

Danny Jay

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I don’t like Whole Foods.  All that natural sh*t gives me the willies.

 

By the way, I’ve never been to a grocery store/supermarket—high end or low end—where there weren’t shoppers who use their carts with no awareness of the existence of other shoppers, stopping the cart in the middle of the aisle while they look for something on the shelf.  It’s my pet peeve.  I try to be aware and considerate; when I stop to pick something off the shelf, I move my cart over so that others can pass by.  But most shoppers just don’t do that.

 

Don Friedman

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Bobby,

I couldn’t agree more. You’re my mensch.

Gary N. Hunter, CCIM

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Amen

David Terry

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I am far from rich after a career employed in mostly indie music companies not in C Suite – and I save TONS shopping at Whole Foods with my Prime credit card and buying what’s on sale.  Quality of food is good too. WF is cheaper than my local stores and we definitely eat better quality and more variety because of the money we save at WF.

Leslie Greene

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Though I love dogs I too am not on board with this “dogs go everywhere” mentality, particularly in my produce isle! That said, good grief Bob. Are you the old man on the street corner yelling at the air? Hang in there. Go listen to some Rolling Stones. You’ll feel better.

Marc Ducharme

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GET OFF MY LAWN, BOB!

Johnny

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Amen Bob-I avoid Whole Foods. And I know exactly the level of rich you are talking about. Karen Merrifield

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Hahaha! This was excellent.

Eric Spence

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You don’t like dogs. Pretty much says it all.

Mitch Tenzer

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Thank you for writing this.

As a midwesterner who came from nothing who had to earn every penny I have in my life I could not agree more.

If you think Whole Foods is bad, try competing in the housing market with these same people.

Been in W. LA for 20+ years and have grown to loath these folks.

Peter Rinker
TC Management

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Man, Bob, you are going to catch hell for this one but you are spot-on re the entitled schmucks and morons taking up all of the oxygen in the room!

Ross Field

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I feel your pain…often at the Costco gas station people don’t seem to understand there is a line…get the hell off your phone and attack the task at hand when it’s your turn…fill up and go…don’t sit in your car and check for phone messages or tap in a new destination, get out of line already…

It doesn’t seem to matter what make the car is, Porsche or Ford…some folks are just unaware.

Ed Kelly

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Love this one!   No where else to get this truth…
Joel Sercarz

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couldn’t agree more!! The worst.

Paul Cantor

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Who needs Andy Rooney when you’ve got Bob Lefset

Chris Nilsson

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Well said and that is why I will never shop at Whole Foods. Prices are too high and the snob are too many.

Dennis Paulik

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Terrific!

Couldn’t agree with you more!!!

Stevan

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So funny, but yeah I’m with ya on this one!

Young Hutchinson

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Yay again, Bob!

I love Whole Foods, cheaper than local Key Foods in NYC, cheaper than Shoprite or whatever it was in SF.

But parking lots too small. Worth the $10 a month for delivery, not to hassle with those parkers or those aisle pigs.

Check out America’s Undoing, says what you and I have been saying for years–and my oh so liberal and woke friends seem to have dropped me for harping that Biden’s why we got trump.

Keep it up, Bob

Schuyler Bishop

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Want to have some fun the next time you go to the Whole Foods deli for roast beef? Ask the pony-tailed kid behind the counter for two-fifths of a pound. Watch the puzzlement begin.

Lou Bruno

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Yes!

George Darville

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Thank God I read it all the way through. You are no Bill Burr but nice job!

Ocho the Invisible

Dana Walden

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I loved this, Bob — thanks!

Bill Higgins

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How is there anyone left in California to complain about at the Whole Foods?

Sincerely,

Aubrey Parker

A Nashville Native

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It’s hard to fault anything you experienced or said.  Same BS here on the east coast Bob.

Heading to Spain to do a leg of the Camino trail with a buddy who is doing the whole thing.  To shut off and be around like minded people for a week is exactly what’s needed.

Hang in there pal.  You are beloved and not alone in your thoughts and feelings.  Just less of us every day It seems.

Lee Posner

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I think you’re off base here.

Yes, there is a different group that shops Whole Foods.  They care a lot
about what they eat, and, for them, shopping for food isn’t just dash in,
get something, and run–it’s an exploration.

Especially at Whole Foods, an institution that’s built for people who care
a lot about what they eat!

If you want to grab and run, and the pace at Whole Foods isn’t fast enough
for you, shop somewhere else.

Are the people who shop at Whole Foods rich?  I don’t know.  They are
certainly people who spend more on their food, because the place is
expensive.  But they can be ordinary people who simply decide to spend
more on food that their neighbors do.  Yes, there are some expensive cars
in the parking lot.  There are also plenty of Hondas and Toyotas.

And the dogs–Bob, people love their pets.  Be tolerant!  Advocate tolerance!

Finally, don’t bring your Jewish identity into this, particularly along with
a stereotype of Jews.  That disserves all Jews.

dave roberts

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I hear you on this. But you have to remember – in the public sphere, we are the lowest life form. That’s right – the impatient old man. Old people are supposed to be invisible. We certainly have nothing to be impatient about.

But, but – we’re not old! We’re Boomers! Nah. We’re just old.

Best,
Tom Quinn

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Hey you kids…. Get off of my lawn!!

Glenn Cooper

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I know you acknowledged it, and…sure rich people are a*sholes who think they’re more important than everyone else

But dogs are better than almost every single human alive. If people walked around with a hat that identified them as dog haters like they do with the red trump hats, I would appreciate that warning sign more than the red hats.

Good luck with your inbox detonator haha

Michael Wendell

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LOL. I feel you on all of this, Bob.

-Sarah Martin

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It’s not just the rich, Bob. There’s LOTS of poor people who don’t give a f…

I see it at whole foods and I see it at Shop Rite.

Besides the parking over the lines, how about the people with handicapped placards who are fine? They park in the spots and then walk around the store for hours! They should fine the doctors who give them out!

And how about the people who have just walked all over the store, then just leave their shopping cart in the parking space as opposed to walking a bit to put them in the cart corral?

I get pssed off too!!!

I miss George Carlin a lot. My favorite comedian.

Kevin Kiley

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Bob,  I just make fun of them in a way that they pay attention. I’ll say something to the checker, deli server like ” can you believe this woman, maybe she has had no education past 6th grade if that. And if they turn their head, I say “yes you” !

Pat Mallahan,
Guatemala
We are moving out of Seattle, talk about entitled. Good people still live there, but Microsoft, Google, Bezos and  THAT woman’s family.

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Wow…George doesn’t like you either.

 

Dogs are not allowed in our Whole Foods. Weird that they would allow that in CA.

 

Jim Lewi

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I have always liked you, Bob but just had to say, you lost me on the dog-idea.

Now I’ll be finding it hard to believe anything you say, because you are being too curmudgeon-y about dogs, who are in many cases, cleaner and nicer than some people.

The energy you put into your grudges against rich people, people who want to think about their order, and dogs, none of whom have hurt or taken anything from you except patience, is just over the top –

And, in that case, the exact same gripes you’ve expressed here, could just as easily be tossed right back.

Imagine the great, ironic comedy of that!

Amanda Trees

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With all due respect Bob, “Can I go on record that I don’t like dogs” is the saddest sentence you’ve ever written.

Dogs are MUSIC incarnate!

“A dog wags his tail with his heart” (Same place real MUSIC come from!)

“A dog is a bond between strangers” (Just like MUSIC!)

“Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really” (ironically just like MANY legends of MUSIC!)

“The more I see of men, the better I like my dog” (I’d think this one would resonate perfectly with you!)

“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job” (Like your always epic ‘MUSIC’ newsletter, which sadly now covers Whole Foods grievances as well)

Still love ya, but if anyone needs a dog it’s definitely you brother.

Scott Roback

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Bob:  say it aint so!  You don’t like dogs?!?   We all know what Dog spelled backwards is!   You know who else doesn’t like dogs?   The menace who is currently squatting in 1600 Penn Ave in DC.  See this video from Ricky Gervais please.

Ricky Gervais – I Absolutely Love Dogs::

As a Palisades fire victim our pup has been a life saver.An absolute Emotional Support (ESD)…period.    btw:  since our move to Santa Monica I’ve very much become a Trader Joe’s man myself.  Screw Whole Foods, dude

 

Gary Spivack

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You are pretty cranky!

But much of what you say is true, otherwise.

Regards;

David Bodnar

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Great post. An air of Curb Your Enthusiasm about it and I’m here for it!

I often wonder why people do not have “spacial awareness”, breathing down your neck whilst standing in line, standing in the middle of an aisle – oblivious to anyone around them, having a conversation with someone on their cell phone whilst on speaker phone (in a doctors office…), fumbling around for their form of payment after having stood there for 5 minutes watching the check out person scan all 50 of their items, driving at 50 MPH in the fast lane on the freeway with no one in any other lanes, oh and there’s a line behind them because everyone is on their phones and …oblivious. I could go on and on and I think the older I get the more annoying it becomes because I don’t have the luxury of time and I damn well know better!

I do not think its a wealth thing though Bob, its an intelligence thing, its growing up not being taught that other people matter, not being taught what empathy is, not being taught manners, not being taught the value of please and thank you. These things are becoming lost arts. Everything is becoming transnational, highest bidder wins and the losers… well they are just the losers.

Cheers,

David Ralph

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One does not see this behavior in New York (except for the dogs). Sounds to me as if your problem is with your fellow Californians. I had my own beef story happen in Monterey!

sofu_gan

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Well said, Bob.

I, too, like some dogs, but their ubiquitous presence in restaurants and commercial aircraft really does unsettle me (just about as much as the adult passenger next to me in pajama bottoms and with filthy bare feet).

dennis brent

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We are leading parallel lives (although I reside well east of the 405). My lovely, talented, brilliant, and successful wife can withstand the slings and arrows of performing simple tasks like shopping, getting gas, driving, and going out to eat. Me? You can take the kid out of the East Coast…, but I was indoctrinated at an early age. You are correct; it’s survival. We alter cockers need to support one another, so thank you for giving us a voice!

Cheers,

Jere Mendelsohn

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Jeez, who woke up on the wrong side of the bed?  Too many margaritas last night?  Accidentally deleted one of your rants?  And just because some woman is a shopping sociopath is no reason to come down on the dog.  It’s just being dragged around like the rest of us.

Peace.

David Leonard

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Bob,  That’s enough whining!  Go to Costco!

Paul Medeiros

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You obviously had a bad experience on this day. But I assure you there are plenty of thoughtful, kind, and unselfish people at Whole Foods at any given moment, probably the majority of the people in the store.  And some of them are probably rich.

To lead with how you hate rich people because they’re entitled and better than the rest of us is a blanket generalization that I would think you would be above making.

Chris Donohoe

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As the saying goes – “there’s no such thing as a bad dog, just a bad owner.”

PS/ Prediction: you’re gonna hear from Mike Bone, LA’s biggest advocate for canines.

Jim McKeon

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I’m not wealthy (far from it) but here’s my big complaint about restaurants:  They are so busy trying to out-fancy each other that they have forgotten half of their market.  I’m talking about people who don’t like fancy food.  I am one of those people.

You can find a “burger” in most restaurants, but it is nothing like a regular good old fashioned hamburger.  They put so much crap on, because they want their burger to be “artisinal” or whatever this week’s buzzword is.  Even if you order the “classic burger” you still get a brioche bun (too dense) or a pretzel bun (too dry) and a beef patty that’s too big and has been machine-made (so there’s no juice left in it), and piled with lettuce, pickles, onion, special sauce or some kind of salad dressing, ketchup, mustard and Lord knows what else.  If you ask for just a patty and a bun they look at you like you have three heads.

You can barely find the basics anymore, like fried chicken, roast beef, a chicken fried steak.  There are plenty of steaks, but again, they are too concerned with spices, “rubs,” special sauces and toppings and other crap that serves to hide the taste of the meat.  You can’t find mashed potatoes anymore, unless they have the skin, garlic, bits of other foods mixed in.  All in the name of making them special.  I don’t want “special,” I just wanna eat.

If you go to any buffet, you’ll find that the “comfort food” items are the most popular, without fail.  Why don’t restaurants realize this and offer food for us meat-and-taters types?

Mike Blakesley

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You’d really hate the Whole Foods in Beverly Hills. Rich people often wait to find a parking spot closest to the store entrance, which creates a backup of cars out that spills out onto the street. The parking garage is so small that no spot is far from the entrance to begin with, so this is pointless. And they often take up more than one spot.

People also bring small dogs there frequently and let them walk in the aisles, which are narrow and crowded. This is not only a danger to the dog, because they could be stepped on, but people could also trip over them. On one of my visits there, someone’s dog relived itself right in front of the coffee/smoothie counter, and before it could be cleaned up a few people stepped in it and tracked it on their shoes into the nearby area that has the open-air olive bar and the dining room where people eat what they buy at the hot foods bar. Seeing that would have really set you off!

TCP

___________________________________

Absolutely loved this!! Spot on especially with regard to dogs and their entitled owners. We are two peas in a pod on this one!!!! God I’m glad someone with an audience said this!!!! Thank you.
Ps I hope what you were making made up for the shopping trip.

Warren Lara

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Posts like this one make me feel as if I know you.

If you were here, I’d give you a cookie and a glass of milk and sit with you on the front porch.

Roberta Mueller

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YOU… are the best Bob!!!!

Thank you!

Best, James Patrick Regan

___________________________________

I get it, Bob, I really do.

But for YOUR sake, take a breath.

Seriously, stress and the tension from it WILL take a toll.

I do my best to remind myself of that in similar situations and gradually an getting better at relaxing into it.

After all, you’re the one who professes to put our health first…

DG

___________________________________

Bob,

I love a good rant!

David Epstein

___________________________________

Here for it, Bob. Eat the rich. And their dogs too.

Hannah Harlow

___________________________________

BAM! The rats keep winning the Rat Race, as the real Atlanta Rhythm (and the one and only Ronny Hammond) sang, in I’m Not Gonna Let it Bother Me Tonight.” Great screed, but we are so f*cked.Dream is over luv. But keep those hits coming.

Chip Lovitt

___________________________________

@ Ralphs or Kroger you find shopping carts being returned where they are supposed to.

@ Whole Foods you find them stranded blocks away on a sidewalk.

The epitome of entitlement.

Adam, Playa Vista

___________________________________

Smacks of the Whole Foods on San Vicente in Brentwood…

Zac Scribner

___________________________________

I could have taken that entire essay and sold it as my own. It’s kind to say people live in a bubble, they are too often purposefully arrogant. Now more than ever.

We have Whole Foods here in Central Florida. What keeps the general public away is the prices. Where the two classes meet head on is at a Florida-based chain that is often so omnipresent, you’ll find two locations across the street from each other. Here is where you see oil and water refuse to mix.  You have the upper class doing their best to remind economy why they are where they “lesser than”. My partner and I have about a 30-minute mental window before our brave faces wear off and we need to get out.

I yearn for Albertsons. Grieve for Albertsons. I have to go to the West Coast for them now. All of ours were assimilated years ago. A photo of me in Albertsons is like being at Mount Rushmore to my family. There’s a hotel in Missoula, MT with one next door. I imagine paradise is a lot like this. Paradise, MT however does not have an Albertsons.

Literally saw the menu dilemma play out yesterday. Well known, popular chain that has salads on menu. Basic salads, nothing complicated, convoluted or mind numbing.  Older couple spent 20 minutes going thru the salad menu, complete with ingredients and dressings, with cashier. Very accommodating cashier. Award winning patience. Had others customers not used app or kiosk, this would have been a riot. How do I know it was 20 minutes? They were at register when I showed up for my app order and had just seated as I was leaving when my meal was complete.

Life shouldn’t be so challenging.

Thank you for reminding me I am not alone for searches of signs of intelligence in the universe.

Kevin Andrusia

Orlando, FL

___________________________________

Damn straight on that one.

If you move to nowhere you can avoid this sh*t –  it’s way better for the possibility of avoiding a*sholess like her and the population is way friendlier and laid back   …but you gotta drive long distances to get food and learn how to make restaurant quality meals because no good restaurants exist and you gotta drive a long way to get to city doctors.

Too many people in the world now. Getting more and more crowded and mean everywhere. Why can’t people understand the more crowded the more we have to think of the other guy?

They don’t – so you are forced to simply split.  We left close quarters after 30 years because of leaf blowers 24-7 and multiple dogs barking at 6 am.  And then all day long.  This sh*t did not exist 20 years ago. People were more considerate.

At least the damn dog at Whole Fooda didn’t try to bite you.

Maybe you could just stop leaving your house and have them deliver the roast beef.

And even the middle of nowhere will be filled up soon.

Patti Jones

___________________________________

Surprised how you didn’t mention that they hate/avoid tipping, and that they’d rather to stay home than pay cover charge (“add me +1 please”), and that they have no problem paying $24 for a cocktail or valet, but can’t stomach waiting 5 minutes in a line… or that they don’t event bother going to Whole Foods in person and complain that the Prime shopper/driver took too long to deliver groceries (not to mention picked the wrong replacement item for their out-of-stock seitan)… or that they are excited to pop by an international shantytown for a selfie but wouldn’t be caught dead after dark in the “ghetto” across their town… or that they gladly spend thousand per year in unused/unknown digital subscriptions yet do everything in their power to avoid paying the same amount in municipal taxes… and that their entitled dogs are more well-behaved than their entitled (and left-to-their-own-devices) children…

And that all of this rings quite shallow anyway, because you/we/us/they all here are the global 1% in reality, and even those that haven’t reached the Whole Foods income bracket are still better off financially than 99% of the humans on earth… still have plenty of food to eat, and the time to complain about it.

Check your privilege. And please remind all your readers to do the same (on a daily basis).

I’ll be checking mine today.

Erik Schneider

___________________________________

Great rant!

This is exactly why I moved 600 miles away from LA to the middle of nowhere.

I love people, but I was fatigued loving ten million folks all at once.

I’ll leave LA and SoCal to those that wish to remain. Thirty-five years was twenty-five years too long.

Here, there are more trees than people. We haven’t hit 65 degrees yet this year. There are far more wet misty days than sunny ones.

There’s an airport, but most people drive 5 hours to Sacramento or Oakland to catch a flight.

I’d have to drive a similar distance to find a Whole Foods or even a Trader Joe’s.

We have a “Co-op” that looks just like a Whole Foods, but I’ve never stepped inside, because I hold fast to my belief that a “co-op” should have dim lighting and sawdust on the floor, not be lit up inside and out like Dodger Stadium.

And I’d forgotten a Panamera even existed.

My only regret is moving to a place that doesn’t have a Panda Express.

Somehow I’ll survive.

Dave Howard
Eureka, CA

PS. My dog is 100% my child . He goes inside with me at Walmart and Target where he’s welcome.  We stay out of Costco (we have one of those!)  and Safeway where dogs aren’t allowed.

I agree, bad dog owners, aisle hoggers, and meat sniffers suck.

___________________________________

Damn right about Dogs.

Selfish consumerism and corporate delusion.

Dogs owners are so riotous right now. Their own isle in Bunnings!!! (Aust hardware chain)

Care dogs, companions, cute animal accessories as well as bite your face off terrifying dogface snappy killers all out in public on a Sunday arvo sharing shopping spaces with unsuspecting shoppers.

We’ve seen the results and it’s just noisy drama unfolding.

Pets are money making for corporations and that’s why. It will backfire eventually.

Obviously I’m a no pets person. Lots of animals in my life,  all wild.  Used to keep chickens. Till the wildlife ate them.

If I could have a companion pet, it’d be a cat. But it’s not practical (I resent my family who make excuses not to leave the house due to the cat) because I travel uninhibited because I don’t keep a house pet.

A Dog (or any pet) has rights to be treated humanely. Like a human?  Dog owners take advantage of an grey area and at times that person has the same rights but extra, with their dog to care of/ look after their interests if that dog is part of their care package. In dog friendly specified spaces they are sailing just fine, dog on a leash. No cares in the world with full doggy confidence.

Until

it gets in a fight with another aggressive dog. Killing it or being killed.

Or sniffs my crotch and my partner (also not into dogs) punches it in the nose starting an argument with the dog owner.

Or sh*ts in the isle or in the trolley on top of goods that they have now decided to return to the shelf.

Or bites a kids face off. Or part of a limb.

Barking to the point of madness.

Or maybe it enjoys the outing and makes no issue or annoying noises besides attracting attention of other human dog lovers, getting pats and although you only bought a coffee at the cafe  in the hardware store it was a lovely morning out.

Ffs. I’m over it. No dogs please.

If, I have to go this retail space to shop under sufference I’ll do so  begrudgingly and with caution.  I will however complain, if there’s a dog incident.

We all should have rights not to be subservient to someone else’s dog in our retail environment.

Kylie Cowling

Australia

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About halfway through your rant I thought “this would make a great stand-up bit… ala Larry David.   Glad you pointed out it’s all about delivery.  I feel your pain with the Whole Foods crowd.  Go home and make a cocktail?

cheers!

Michael Crittenden

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Just curious Bob;  What is your net worth?

Marty Jorgensen

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Get this illustrated a la Harvey Pekar. You’ll make lots of money and then you can go back to Whole Foods, take up two spaces and be the a*shole that someone who’s miffed by your entitled behavior gets to complain about: the circle of life!

Bob Merlis

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I love your boomer rants.  Nice to get one that is mostly not about politics.  Also, vaccines are straight up poison.  The rich avoid them because… vaccines… an excellent way to suddenly develop autism.  Only people who haven’t studied the actual history of vaccines know this.  There is an embargo on information.  Repeat the lie that vaccines saved us from polio long enough and people believe it without question.  Anyway, love ya!  I do think you struck the tone you were going for.

Punchi Lux

Spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5yCx2gzgolz2sctLCC8NTe?si=2f94399bd6bc4eb4

1

I used to hear from him all the time.

That’s what happens when you write something positive about somebody. But time passes and they have no more hits and you don’t, which is weird, because you still feel connected.

I bought the initial Alarm EP when it came out in 1983.

It was a different era. One of optimism. The seventies were history, as was the Iran hostage crisis, it’s like the entire slate had been wiped clean and replaced by a sunniness which we didn’t know we were paying the price for until this century, for it’s the eighties when income inequality started to burgeon, and if you fell behind there was no way to catch up, unless you won the lottery. But in the eighties the music and fame was still more important than the money, today it’s reversed. And as a result we were passionate about the scene, which was driven by MTV.

You couldn’t get it everywhere at first, not even in Manhattan, which is kind of weird when you look back from today, where too much is instantly at your fingertips. But you’d go to the house of someone who had it and you’d be mesmerized, you couldn’t turn it off.

And at first it was English acts that had traction on the Continent, because you broke through video as opposed to radio play there, but then the script flipped, Tom Petty and Genesis survived, and eventually Don Henley brought the boys of summer, but really it was a new era, headlined by…

Culture Club. And a lot of one hit wonders, from Haircut 100 to T’Pau (I used to hear from Carol Decker too)…

Then ultimately U2.

And thereafter Duran Duran. Duran Duran invented the MTV paradigm, truly. Spend a zillion on an exotic video and…if it works you become the biggest act in the world.

But before that U2 broke through at Red Rocks.

Not that U2 was unknown, after all how indelible is “I Will Follow”? One listen was enough, you had to hear it over and over again, and they continue to play this song live, and it’s still radiates the same high watt energy.

“October” was a critical and commercial disappointment and then in the spring of 1983 came “War.”

This was before Bono was hanging with world leaders trying to save the globe, before he wore those glasses, back when the Edge even had hair, and when you dropped the needle on “War”…

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!

Most Americans had no idea what Bono was singing about, but it was an anthem anyway, and when that Red Rocks video hit the air, with Mr. Hewson parading around in the fog… U2 triumphed.

And that same spring is when the Alarm made their debut.

Now in hindsight, if only the Alarm were on a major label… They were on I.R.S. Sure, the Go-Go’s broke, but Danny Elfman gave up Oingo Boingo to become a film composer.

You see England was a different market, the press could carry you to success. But in the U.S. you had to spend money, and Miles Copeland was notoriously tightfisted. So…

The press got me to buy the Alarm’s EP and their first album, which were filled with anthems, akin to U2 but more upbeat and…you could get them on one listen.

From the very beginning, “Unsafe Building,” Marching On,” “Sixty Eight Guns,” “Where Were You Hiding When the Storm Broke” and then…

“Give me love

Give me hope

Give me strength

Give me someone to live for”

“Strength” is a veritable tear. It leaves the station and you’re running to catch up, and when you get on the train you hold on for dear life.

This is rock and roll.

There were more in the same mold, yet not similar, but the true American breakthrough was “Rain in the Summertime.”

I was glad to see the band all over MTV. Then again, I kept wondering about their guitars in that video, how did they survive all that water? Is this the way you should treat your instrument?

Ultimately “Sold Me Down the River” had even more chart impact, but it wasn’t long thereafter that it was over.

2

The nineties were a lost decade, for me anyway, despite the economy raging, it didn’t trickle down to me.

And in the latter half of the decade there was the internet, and you no longer had to leave the house to find the action. But before that…

Being broke, one of the best places to hang was Borders on Westwood Boulevard.

It was much better than Barnes & Noble… Many more books, not as dark and there was an amazing selection of magazines and a café and…

Listening stations. Which were still pretty uncommon.

And one night, in the empty music department, because who would buy their albums at Borders as opposed to Tower up the street or Rhino just a few blocks away, I saw this Alarm album “Standards” and put on the headphones and was…POSITIVELY STUNNED!

I won’t recite the litany of my problems, but this music made me forget them, it was powerful. I mean I loved “Achtung Baby,” but the Alarm is a bit different from U2, it’s the driving force, that train ride I mentioned above.

And I didn’t own “Rain in the Summertime” at home so I played it. And then played it again. And again.

And then “Strength.”

And I ultimately bought that greatest hits CD. And I’d put it in the drawer of my million dollar Sony CD player that moved the CD not the lens and cranked it up and it blasted out of the JBLs and I kept the windows closed so as not to completely piss of my neighbors and I smiled in my own cocoon.

“I love to feel the rain in the summertime

I love to feel the rain on my face”

It doesn’t rain during the summer in Southern California, but where I grew up on the east coast…

Sure, maybe at the end of the summer it rained and was miserable, but on those hot humid days at the end of June, in July and the beginning of August…that rain was a relief.

And the amazing thing is it’s got nothing to do with money or status. It’s just a personal experience.

“And then I run ’til the breath tears my throat

‘Til the pain hits my side

As if I run fast enough

I can leave all the pain and sadness behind”

That’s right, my mind was haunted by memories and loss. But when the Alarm blasted…

And then…

“Someone write me a letter

I need to know that I’m still alive

Someone give me a telephone call

I need to hear a human sound”

I couldn’t afford long distance phone calls. Radio promotion men called me every week and I didn’t let them off the phone, they were my connection.

“Someone open up a door

And let me out of this place

I’ve been caged up for oh-so-long

I don’t know if I’m living or dying”

When done right, music gets you through. It’s not a bling fantasy, but something electric, like you plugged yourself into the socket and all those volts lit you right up.

And there were the classics on the CD, the aforementioned “Sixty Eight Guns” and “Unsafe Building,” but there were numbers that had never truly resonated previously.

“I don’t know why and I don’t understand

How you sold me down the river”

That’s not exactly how it happened, but nevertheless I still could not understand, and neither could Mike Peters in “Sold Me Down the River.”

But screw the lyrics, just that stinging guitar was enough to put the number over the top.

And Mike’s delivery! It was never casual. You needed a frontman who could deliver without production, who could grab the audience’s attention and then hold it, and hold it…through the tension and the release.

Mike could do that. And that’s pretty rare today, not that it was so common in the days of yore. Then again, it wasn’t like today, there weren’t all the amateurs competing with the pros on Spotify, cluttering the channel with their substandard music delivered in a pedestrian fashion at best.

That’s right, the Alarm were a professional band.

And they had success.

But that was back in the eighties.

3

So Mike told me he’d been sick, and he was energized by his recovery. He was going to spread the word, not that most people knew, this was before ubiquitous internet information. If “Rolling Stone” and MTV News didn’t cover it, good luck getting the story out there.

But he carried on.

Not with hits. Mike had energy, but times had changed. Even U2 can’t have hits anymore, they went on the road and played “The Joshua Tree” from start to finish. You’ve got your niche, your fans, you mine them…

But that’s not the way it used to be. Used to be if you made it on to MTV and stayed there, YOU WERE KNOWN AROUND THE WORLD!

And Mike Peters was.

And now he’s gone.

He just couldn’t beat the leukemia. He held illness at bay for decades. but it ultimately got him and snuffed the life out of him at 66.

So what do we do with that?

Well, if you’re a youngster, 66 sounds old. But I remember Irving remarking when Jerry Weintraub died at 77 that it was before his time. Now that I’m over 70, I get it. You don’t know how long the ride lasts, but you hope it does until all your friends are gone, not forever, you don’t really want that even though you think you do.

So Mike’s gone, all the accolades mean nothing to him.

And what are the odds they’ll be spinning the Alarm’s music fifty or more years from now? Pretty low. Good luck with even Duran Duran.

But if you were alive back then, if you lived at the record store, if you were glued to MTV, you know exactly who Mike Peters was.

He was not a one hit wonder. He didn’t sing covers written by committee. No, Mike Peters channeled his inner truth. He was angry, pointing out injustice, but that was back when music was seen as more than entertainment, as a way of speaking truth to power. You didn’t want to hang with the billionaires, who didn’t even exist back then, you just wanted to triumph in the world of rock and have an impact.

Mike did.

He reached me

Maybe he reached you.

But one thing’s for sure, the energy in the Alarm records is baked into the grooves forever, it’s still there, pull up the tracks, you’ll be energized, you’ll smile, you’ll be amazed.

And that would have made Mike Peters happy, that’s exactly what he was looking for. To reach you with the sound, with his message, sans trappings. He just wanted to be a rock star.

And he was.

Re: Let’s Keep It Between Us

Hi Bob,

It’s so sweet to read this all these years later.

I did Planet Waves with Bob Dylan and The Band in 1973. Bob and I connected and stayed in touch after Tour ’74. I called him and told him Bonnie and I were doing a record and asked if he had a song that he felt would be good for her. He sent “Let’s Keep It Between Us’.

I had no idea about Carolyn Dennis at that time. Robbie Robertson said when he heard Bob’s demo: “That’s the ultimate Bob/Sarah song Bob’s ever written”. That surely made sense at the time as they were in the middle of their split then.

There are two versions of Bob’s that I know of. The demo he gave me had 7 verses. We used 4 on Bonnie’s version.

When you say you don’t know what she was singing about, she was very faithful to Bob’s demo he gave us. I think Robbie was right, that version is about Bob & Sarah’s split.

I met Ian McLagan when the New Barbarians came to Shangri-la. I had worked on Goat’s Head Soup and that  started a life long relationship with Keith Richards & that’s how I first met Ronnie Wood who I had also worked with on Eric Clapton’s No Reason To Cry.

Green Light was the middle album of a triumvirate that started with Ian McLagan’s Bump In The Night and finished with Reneé Geyer’s So Lucky.

I had met Ricky Fataar while working on the last ? of the Beach Boys Holland album which brought us Sail On Sailor. I felt I had met the South African Charlie Watts. To this day, one of the finest drummers of all time. And Keith and Charlie felt the same way about Ricky. He’s still with Bonnie 44 years later. I also met Blondie Chaplin, the voice of Sail on Sailor. He sang some backing vocals on Green Light.

I was working on The Basement Tapes one night at Shangri-La and on my way to the kitchen I found Bobby Keys sitting at the bari n the pool table room. He said, “Rob, here’s a man you’ve gotta meet and you’ll never get enough of, Johnny Lee Schell”. He was right. Also Johnny wrote I Can’t Help Myself on Green Light. Johnny and I met up again when Mac did Bump In The Night at Shangri-la.

We were recording Mac’s record when I suggested to Bonnie to come check out Shangri-la. Mac, Ricky, Johnny and Ray O’Hara were in the middle of a take cutting a rocker called Judy, Judy, Judy when Bonnie came into the control room. Her eyes opened wide and she exclaimed “I want these guys to be the band on our record!”. They finished the take, came into the control room and I introduced them to Bonnie. I asked them if they wanted to make a record with her, to which I got a resounding, “Hell yes!”

A month later in June 1981, we began recording Green Light at Shangri-la.

Bonnie had become good friends with NRBQ often playing shows together which led us to their songs on the record.

It is true that Green Light allowed the rough edges to be seen, and Bon, who is three-dimensional…what works with a woman like that? …you’ve got to sell both your body and mind, and most guys are not up to that. It is so true that Bonnie Raitt was never surface…

I’m not so sure about future generations won’t be listening to Green Light.

It’s holding up well. It was an important step for Bonnie. Bonnie, the Bump Band and myself are happy with the results. I also disagree with the magic being absent. You pointed out a number of standout tracks and Bonnie’s vocals are heartfelt and soulful.

Rob Fraboni

I hate rich people. Because they’re so ENTITLED!

I’m not talking about the oligarchs, I’m referring to the everyday rich. You know, the kind of people who don’t check the gas prices, who have seven or eight figure nest eggs and…

Think they’re somehow better than the rest of us.

I don’t know what it’s rooted in. Some people have grown up wealthy, but so many others…they worked hard for their dough, they spent hours going to not only college, but graduate school. Maybe they’ve got one of those gigs where they’re legendarily overpaid, like at a movie studio. They’re the ones who are not bothered by the price tags on the clothing…you know, the hundred and fifty dollar t-shirts. All they know is they want them, and they’re under the delusion that we’re all paying attention to them and envious of them.

Go to Ralphs and everybody parks inside the lines.

Go to Whole Foods? The brand new Panamera is taking up two spaces. God forbid someone put a scratch in it. Furthermore, many people parking in this small lot are not even shopping, they’re visiting neighbors and…who cares if shoppers can’t find a space, tough noogies.

Shop at Ralphs or Kroger or whatever your local everyday market is and…no one fights for a place in line. As a matter of fact, people tend to be polite. I’m not saying that some aren’t hot and bothered, everybody can have a bad day, but they observe rules of decorum, but not at Whole Foods!

People are blocking the aisle. You say something, they don’t move. Then, you risk touching them, truly a no-no, and they look at you like you’ve interrupted the bar exam. HOW DARE YOU!

But the worst tonight was the dog. You have to bring your dog to  Whole Foods? I mean a dog in a grocery store? I thought that was illegal.

I guess not.

Can I go on record that I don’t like dogs? Well, I like some dogs, but I know too many misbehaved canines and too many people who treat their dogs like children, and if you don’t you’re a pariah. But even worse is if you’ve got a dog, you get a pass. Even better is to have a child, especially if you’re a guy, but if you’ve got a dog… Kids come up and pet it. People ask you what breed it is. Tell you how beautiful it is. Fine, BUT I’M TRYING TO SHOP!

So I’m the a*shole. I just want to get in and out, but no, I’ve got to run the gauntlet of a ZOO!

And the owner of this dog wasn’t much better… You know the type, the ones that don’t care if there’s a line, they’re going to take as long as they want, they rule.

It’s kind of like the doofuses who get to the counter at McDonald’s and start thinking about what they want. You’ve never been here before? All the time you’ve been waiting in line you couldn’t make up your mind?

And then there are the special orders… Hold this, add this… If you’re so picky, why don’t you eat at home? I mean the chef spends all this time creating delicacies and you’ve got no respect. Because you’ve got dietary restrictions that don’t square with any science, but you’re convinced you’re on the way to living past a hundred.

That’s another thing about the wealthy, they’re wacked.

Poor people go to the doctor and accept their opinion. A rich person argues. As if they know better and can beat science.

And it’s the wealthy who are into cockamamie new wave science. The west side of Los Angeles? A haven of unvaccinated children.

This is how the rich feel powerful, by rejecting conventional wisdom. They’re too good for conventional wisdom.

Forget that they have tax advantages the hoi polloi who file the standard deduction can’t benefit from…

Starting in the eighties the whole nation was tilted to the wealthy. To make it easier for them to get rich. Theory was it would trickle down to the little people. Yeah right, that never happened.

And now the rich are indignant when we call them on their sh*t.

So many people voted for Trump not because they were MAGA, but because they were sick of the rules established by those who think they know better and lord it over them.

So this woman with the dog… She’s sampling the food. Meanwhile, I just want to get a few slices of roast beef and go home. I know exactly what I want, she’s been there the better part of ten minutes.

Because I’m a rude Jew, I interrupt and ask for my beef, and you’d think I was Oliver asking for more. I mean this woman is tasting her sample, contemplating it, looking up into the ceiling lights…how long is it going to take you to slice a little beef?

And when this woman finally decides what she wants, she buys the teeniest tiniest amount possible. Meanwhile, she’s bonded with the clerk, who has deemed me a pariah.

So after I get my meat…

I want to go to the salad bar and build something minor but refreshing…

But this woman with the dog… She’s checking out every pan, every item, from the hot food to the cold. And I’m working around her, but she’s blocking me with her damn dog and I can’t get what I want.

But she’s just floating through life. Aren’t we wonderful. Let’s go do yoga and meditate. Be calm!

BE CALM? It’s a veritable rat race out there, survival of the fittest, and I don’t have to win but I’ve got to work, fight traffic, and the last thing I wanted to do was to go to the grocery store but…I needed a necessary item tonight.

And Whole Foods is the closest market.

And I’m cracking up at the tonality of all this. I wanted to do it like Bill Burr, so you’d be on my team…you know, from a distance and self-deprecating. Did you watch Bill’s latest Hulu special? It’s the delivery more than the jokes.

But instead I’ve pissed on dogs and people with expensive cars and shopping habits and…

I’m just an angry f*ck who can’t get with the program.

I guess that’s true. Those used to be the leaders in our society, the artists. Now they’re corporations afraid of alienating a potential fan. You can’t get a musician to go on record, and if anybody blows back they apologize, like a wimp.

Billionaires are worse.

But these people…