Finally! After giving that cash hoard back to stockholders, the Cupertino Company has decided to invest in itself. Just like Facebook bought Instagram, Apple is now acquiring Snap. Of course it should have purchased Netflix, but contrary to Steve Jobs’s mantra, if it wasn’t invented in Apple Park, they’re not interested, especially after the Beats fiasco, where Jimmy Iovine pulled the wool over the eyes of the company, selling them a flawed product with few users that had to be completely overhauled to become functional. An offloading of crap this stinky hadn’t been seen since Evolution sold Palm and its OS to HP, which not long thereafter shut it down, writing it all off.

But Tim Cook is being hassled. Especially after last week’s meh presentation. All anybody can ask is how much does their TV channel cost? And how can it compete with Netflix, never mind Amazon and Disney. It’s a conundrum. Jobs believed in thinning the product line as to not confuse consumers and loading up thousands of songs and photos on iPhones whereas Cook keeps broadening the product line, confusing customers, and creating a TV channel with very little product. And after getting beaten by Iovine, et al, they should know better than to get involved in Hollywood, where the most successful independent studio, i.e. Carolco, went bankrupt, because it’s all about catalog/library, and Tinseltown has ripped-off investors from time immemorial. DISTRIBUTION not PRODUCTION! Distribution is king, why are they making programs? They’re not buying record labels because they know this would piss off the industry, why get involved with these creative charlatans?

But that’s Silicon Valley for you, especially Apple, they think they know better.

So this is a sudden move. Especially now that Snap is cheap because of its stalled growth, caused as a result of Instagram’s me-tooism.

But with so little on the market, as tech consolidation continues, Apple didn’t want to be left out of the game of musical chairs. As for building a social network itself, can you say PING? Look, even Google couldn’t compete with Facebook, it was not in their skill set and Zuck’s company had too much momentum. You buy market share.

And the cost to Apple for Snap is a drop in the bucket.

But Snap has advantages, most notably privacy. Facebook gets beaten up in the press seemingly daily, Snap is more controlled. Without advertising clutter. Sure, Cook famously said that Apple would not trade on its customers’ information, but he’ll weasel out of that by saying Snap is a separate company.

However, the truly big news is that Evan Spiegel will have a dual role. Just like Jobs before him, with Pixar and Apple. Not only will Spiegel run Snap, he will also become Cook’s number two, his visionary. No, it’s not far-fetched, it’s brilliant, because Spiegel employs the same reality distortion field as Mr. Jobs. Spiegel keeps testifying as to Snap’s assets and future when the facts point to the opposite. Come on, talk about snookering the public!

But, like Oprah Winfrey said, with Snap now in a billion pockets with Apple, it’s gonna go gangbusters. People trust their information with Apple. So, this will be the social network people cling to, especially the oldsters who make up the majority of track purchasers at the iTunes Store. They may not know how to use Snapchat, but infatuated with being hip, they’ll do their best to figure it out. There will be no phone support, but if you go to the Genius Bar, you’ll be able to get help. Actually, this is why Angela Ahrendts got pushed out of Apple retail. She argued for putting high fashion and makeup in Apple Stores, utilizing her expertise from her stint at Burberry, she’d even lined up an exclusive with Kylie Jenner. But Eddy Cue shut her down, saying it’s best to sell air, there’s no inventory, only upside, physical objects don’t scale the same way.

You see it’s all about apps and software and Apple has little ability to monetize its air, especially now that operating system software is free. So, expect a ton of potential upgrades to Snapchat. You’ll be able to get virtual Hermes outfits. And Kanye is going to deliver virtual shoes. Apple decided to get the genius on board. The announcement of Kanye’s deal was supposed to be announced at Coachella, during his Sunday Service, but the news was leaked on WeChat of all places, but supposedly Cook is still set to helicopter in.

But what will seal the deal is the inclusion of Trump. That’s right, with a gift of stock, Apple has convinced the President to give up Twitter and make Snapchat his sole social network. Brilliant idea if I do say so myself. Best to have his snaps disappear, before they can be analyzed, and few remember what he said anyway. And yes, Ivanka and Jared will get stock too, they’ve got the same deal. But Eric and Don Jr. are being left out, because they almost got their dad nailed in Russiagate. But Tiffany is gung-ho. And they’re finally bringing Barron Trump into the spotlight. He’s the key to driving adoption by the younger demo. You see you don’t have to be a certain age to play on the new Snapchat. It’ll be safe for all ages. And if there’s any trouble, well, with the Trump deal Apple’s connected.

And just to be safe, they’ve contracted with Elizabeth Warren too. Shutting her up and adding to her campaign chest in one quick stroke. That’s right, the senator has been behind in fundraising. Now she’s got deep pockets. And, she can’t complain about corporations.

So what’s next, that’s the question.

Apple has pivoted, from hardware to software.

And the vision problem has been solved. If you can’t develop it, you buy it. Hell, Jobs bought SoundJam so he could build iTunes.

And news is the music of today, and the new News app puts Apple squarely in the center of the discussion.

But they need to buy more. Netflix is too big to be bought, maybe they’ll scoop up Hulu, that would give them a steady stream of product to launch their TV service upon.

So Apple lovers can finally breathe easy. The messiah has come. Evan Spiegel is going to jet Apple into the stratosphere. And Miranda Kerr will appear in new commercials, thus garnering the vapid vote of teenage girls addicted to fashion and makeup.

As for Apple haters… This is a way to voice your disgust with Facebook. But, Facebook still has its killer app, i.e. WhatsApp, even though no one in the media seems to be aware of this.

A deal this important hasn’t occurred since AOL bought Time Warner.

Get excited. A safe way of wasting time is coming to your handset. You’ll be able to boast to friends and have plausible deniability when your pictures disappear. There’ll be no bread crumbs to ruin future employment. And when Apple buys IAC and adds dating… Whew, think of the possibilities!

It’s gonna happen. As soon as Barry Diller acquires Grindr. Then he’ll deliver Cook the whole package.

It’s all about people. This is an end run around the rest of the tech behemoths. A stealth move. Apple is about to own social networking. Zuckerberg and his lame Facebook will turn to dust. It’s Apple’s world and we just live in it.

Maybe.

The only people who know how to party harder than Canadians are Australians.

Greetings from Whistler, Canada. Where your money goes far and the hills are long. And from the moment I got here, Andy has told me I need to see the Hair Farmers.

Hmm…

You know we insiders, we can go hear live music every night of the week. Name talent. Do we really want to see a cover band?

But I did. And it was the best music experience I’ve had in quite a while.

It’s been warm here. But you can still ski to the bottom. Freezing level is 1900 meters, i.e. two-thirds of the way up the hill. The glacier is still winter, but the rest of the mountain is spring.

The glacier… The Horstman t-bar has been closed all year because the glacier is shrinking and moving. They couldn’t open it if the footings hadn’t moved anyway, the top is now too steep. Climate change… Either you believe in it or you don’t. But we see evidence of it everywhere. Did you read about the record temperatures in Alaska? It was 70!

And Canada is a foreign country, but it’s kinda like the U.S., so it’s disorienting. You feel like you’re home and then they order Kohanee beer. Huh? I remember when it was cool to drink Olympia, the other water beer besides Coors. But Olympia and its white cans with yellow accents disappeared, kinda like Fudgetown cookies and everything else you used to love.

And Canadians have no airs. You feel it. No one’s boasting. Sure, there’s money in Whistler, but you just don’t see it the way you do in Aspen or Vail.

And it’s international. Not only visitors, but locals. Hard to imagine the racism we have in the U.S. existing in Canada. Supposedly Toronto has more ethnicities than any other city in the world. And Asian and South Asian people are de rigueur. If you’re racist, Canada is not the place for you.

And Andy and I spent the day skiing with Marcel and his family. Marcel is 77. But he’s a ski instructor and can beat just about anybody down the mountain.

And he loves music! He was testifying about J Lo at the Grammys, how he recorded the performance to watch over and over again. I don’t think J Lo can sing, but it turned out Marcel was enamored of the dancers! He’s a fan of Lady Gaga. They showed me video of him dancing at her show in Vancouver that he went to for his 75th. He pops, he locks, but he doesn’t moonwalk since “Leaving Neverland.”

But I didn’t know all this when we were skiing. At light speed.

We hiked up to the glacier, it’s eerie.

But the best run of the day was Springboard, under the new gondola, it was long with a consistent pitch and the snow was like Cream of Wheat, it was delectable.

And then Marcel said we had to get down to Merlin’s, to get a seat, to see the Hair Farmers!

So we raced down, and it being Canada, they sell cans of beer at the entrance. And we couldn’t get a seat anyway, because everybody was there to see the Hair Farmers!

Now what you get is a bearded husky guy with a high voice playing conga drums and a bearded lanky guy strumming a Takamine who does the harmonies, but it sounded like a full band.

And when we got there, they were playing “Crazy On You.” You know, the Heart song.

And every song I knew by heart, and seemingly everybody else did too.

They led us in a singalong of Dobie Gray’s “Drift Away.” And Canadians are not shy, everybody was standing, with their arms in the air, testifying.

And then Marcel got up on stage and started popping and locking and posing and…he was the only one up there, and everybody was paying attention, and he LOVED IT!

He ended up singling out young women in the audience to dance with. He’d stride up to their stool, dance in front of them, and they’d get up and join him.

And they’re playing “Night Moves.” And “Tiny Dancer.” And the only song they played from the last thirty years was “Shallow.” Oh, that’s right, they played a version of Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever…,” but it seemed more parody than truth.

And then they said they were gonna play “Highway To Hell,” but they didn’t. But they did play “Heartbreaker.”

And they had the name that tune section of the program. Someone called “Back In Black” in one chord.

And I’m standing there thinking this is the last music all of us knew, before the world fractured. Classic rock is all that’s classic, other than Motown. They played the riff of “Day Tripper” and everybody knew it.

And they even went a bit deeper, playing a non-bar track, “Sultans of Swing.” And you’re standing there, singing along with every line, and you feel part of the group, which is rare in this splintered internet world.

And then to the background of “Iko Iko,” they had a limbo contest. I haven’t seen that since the sixties. And this really tall girl almost won, I don’t know how she did it.

And all nationalities participated and nothing was famous but the songs. The Hair Farmers were having more fun performing them than those who wrote them.

They did an amped-up version of Weezer’s cover of Toto’s “Africa.”

And of course they played “Don’t Stop Believin'”… And I’m thinking “The Sopranos” ended in 2009, can you believe it?

But the music remains.

And people are grooving in ski boots. Old and young. No one was boasting about their billions, there was no pecking order, you were either inside or you weren’t, the music was leveling the room, it was the great equalizer.

And it’s so strange. What happened to today’s music? The youth like it, the media tells us it matters, but classic rock still rules.

And then, as if we were in Fenway Park, the duo went into “Sweet Caroline.”

And we’re all standing, with our arms in the air, singing along with the chorus and I’m wondering, are they gonna do the refrain?

And then, on cue, a great segment of the assembled multitude sang with all their might, for emphasis…

SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD!!

And it was.

Apple built its business on being late to the market but better. Starting with CD burners and iTunes, then the iPod and iPhone. All had predecessors, all worked better than they did. Furthermore, Apple worked best when it was a de facto monopoly. Like with the iPod and then the initial years of the iPhone. WHAT IS THE COMPANY’S STRATEGY NOW?

One person can make a difference. Look at AOC, working in a bar before this. And despite all the income and the money in the bank, there’s no one with vision at Apple. That’s Elon Musk at Tesla. Sure, he’s insane, uncontrollable, geniuses oftentimes are. And at this point it looks like Tesla might not survive, but he single-handedly made electric cars the norm. You don’t know it, but your gasoline-powered car is heading for the scrapheap. Lease, don’t buy, because the value of that expensive iron is about to crater. So what we’ve got here is a company playing catch-up, poorly, where there’s a first-mover advantage if the company keeps innovating, and in this case it’s Netflix.

The real innovation here is in news. Apple has already purveyed all magazines for one low monthly price via its purchase of Texture, but no one knew about it. Now all those subscriptions are integrated into the News app, and…

Analysts are reading it wrong, quizzing the hoi polloi. The truth is this is a value proposition for those magazine and news addicted. If you’re a voracious reader of periodicals, this is a deal. Is it enough to keep magazines alive? And are magazines better in print? As for the inclusion of the “Los Angeles Times”…a brilliant move by the new owner who is behind the 8-ball on digital subscriptions. And it’s different content from the WSJ, although they’re ADDING reporters to fill the niche. Either you can go it alone, like the NYT or the WaPo, or you need to be on this service.

But most people won’t pay. Most people won’t pay for ANYTHING! That’s the freemium model in a nutshell. So, this $10 a month news tier is for junkies. Magazine junkies primarily. Not a huge segment of today’s population. How many people subscribe to multiple periodicals, making $120 a year worth it? Few.

As for TV…

If the new app simplifies things, Apple couldn’t simply get its message across. Let me see, you can log in to all your favorites via the Apple app. That’s not that big a deal, one fires up their smart TV or Roku and all the apps are there. As for remembering passwords, that’s cool, but usually you set it once and are done, even if you do tend to forget the passwords. There’s just not enough innovation here.

As for Apple’s TV service, its originals… What is it again? Apple has a whole event and nobody knows the price, the launch date…

All they know is Tim Cook paraded a bunch of aged celebrities to show credibility.

Let’s see, Spielberg, the man who wants to exclude Netflix from the Oscars. Very prescient and up-to-date. As for “Amazing Stories,” it wasn’t a big hit the first time around.

Oprah… Isn’t she just Johnny Carson? Someone fading in the rearview mirror who the younger generation is unaware of? If you’re not on TV every day… Ellen DeGeneres is bigger than Oprah, it’s just the oldsters in the media did not get the message. Apple is famous for bringing out hip acts in its music events, shouldn’t we have seen Jordan Peele?

Oh, he’s too edgy for the PG-rated Apple.

Boobs are just a click away on Netflix. HBO had the Khaleesi topless. But Apple wants to be wholesome in a world so coarse, just watch and listen to the rappers. Then again, Cardi B is hipper than anybody in Cupertino.

I’m not paying another subscription fee for limited inventory. That’s HBO, and compared to Netflix it’s a rip-off. Netflix has a huge catalog of licensed material and is making new stuff at a ragged pace to create its own catalog. They’re spending, but furthermore it’s not always about money. TV is about story and people and it’s a crapshoot. Apple used to be a distributor, still is in news. But becoming both maker and distributor? That’s a recipe for failure usually. Facebook counts on users populating the site with content. Amazon makes the most money selling other people’s wares. Google search is just a vehicle to sell ads.

As for the music paradigm…

Apple’s got a long history in music, not in television. And the brand only means so much, especially these days. People used to testify about their Apple products, now even diehards are questioning their functionality. Why is it my iPhone screen always gets stuck in the horizontal position? And it’s not only me, I’ve seen it on other phones.

And why in Mail do I click on a message and get no content? Happens all the time, and on others’ Macs too. But Apple is so busy moving forward, it’s not taking care of what it’s already built.

And we criticize the behemoth because we expect it to lead. We expect Jobs’s mantra IT JUST WORKS to continue. But oftentimes it does not.

You don’t ask for everybody’s attention and then fail to deliver. Then people will stop paying attention. And Apple is on the verge of this.

And sure, video games are hot, but Google announced play in a browser and Apple…wants you to pay to play, when hand-held games are all about getting people to play for free and then getting them to pay for upgrades, can you say FORTNITE?

The days of gadgets are gone. All you need is a smartphone.

We’re living in the era of software and services.

But, once again, Apple is coming from behind and delivering little.

Jobs showed us you pick a lane and overdeliver.

But Apple is trying to do a little bit of everything half-heartedly and that’s a recipe for…

Failure.

That’s right, twenty-odd years of internet tech has shown us that one player gets the lion’s share of the market, the rest play for scraps. We’ve got Google, we’ve got Amazon, we’ve got Facebook…

We used to have Apple.

We don’t anymore.

It doesn’t matter.

It’s kinda like hip-hop. You either love it or hate it and there’s no track that’s gonna change your mind.

That’s America in 2019. Polarized. But it’s even worse, not only are we on two sides, we can’t even agree on the rules. One side watches Fox and reads Breitbart and the Daily Caller and the other watches MSNBC and reads “The New York Times” and Daily Kos. We get different facts, different opinions, and we’re not about to change our minds. It’s like one side is playing football and the other baseball.

Oh, there are those on the left saying the right is playing unfair and employing falsehoods, but their exhortations are falling on deaf ears. Nobody on the other side is listening. Although I will say for the past few decades the left has been vulnerable to the right’s criticisms, although that is changing.

So the report is out. Sure, we felt there might be a bombshell. But when there wasn’t, we just switched the channel, believing the report was no different from a prize fight or Evel Knievel jumping the Snake River Canyon. Endless hype, and then the event happens and we move on.

The rank and file didn’t believe Trump colluded with the Russians anyway. They don’t perceive him to be that smart and that Machiavellian. Trump’s like a pinball and we keep expecting the machine to tilt but he keeps bouncing off the rubber bands and bumpers, wreaking havoc, but now we’re used to it.

We’ve got outrage fatigue.

For a while we were excited by the Democrats’ control of the House, but that’s now faded too. We’ve found out that the individual has no power, it’s a game and we’re left out, and now that the Dems control the House there’s gridlock, a brake on the system and we can stop paying attention.

We’re dying to stop paying attention. It’s been three years already where we’ve been focused on the news, we want to get back to our regular lives. The only movie that’s interesting is the Presidential election of 2020 and the Democratic nomination process. We know Trump will run as the Republican candidate, we know his minions will support him, but can the left beat him?

It’s not looking good. There’s chaos. Nancy Pelosi looks like Jeremy Corbyn, refusing to sanction Ilan Omar for her anti-Semitic trope about Jews having dual loyalty. To the point where the left is afraid to show up at AIPAC, even though the organization’s total lobbying expenditures amounted to $3.5 million and it’s not even in the Top 50.

The Case for Aipac

But I bet there are lefties who don’t believe this, it’s not only the right that picks and chooses facts.

And that’s just damn sad.

The point being is the left experiencing a Trump moment, or is it shooting itself in the foot? Has the Democratic base moved far left, or is the far left just getting attention?

The mainstream media missed Trump, those left behind, those who are racist. Are they missing people who don’t want to move that far left?

And then we’ve got the Green New Deal. Sounds good on paper, but then read John Hickenlooper’s opinion piece in today’s “Washington Post”:

John Hickenlooper: The Green New Deal sets us up for failure. We need a better approach.

Hickenlooper says it’s not possible, that we must move in that direction, but realistically.

But realism has left the discussion. Trump’s wall will never be built and there won’t be a Green New Deal. Trump is agitating for the wall to solidify his base. The left is for addressing climate change, but are we on the verge of a guaranteed income? I doubt it when everybody’s bitching about welfare and Betsy DeVos wants to defund the Special Olympics.

That’s the nation we live in today. A narcissistic one. You might say the youth are different, with their school loans and hobbled futures, but they’re busy posting on Instagram and trying to be influencers. Meanwhile, it’s now de rigueur to move back in with your parents after graduating from college and actresses want a minimum wage for waiters and waitresses but they say they don’t want it. The actresses’ hearts are in the right place, they just don’t know the inner workings of the restaurant world. Just because you eat that doesn’t make you an expert on food service.

But you can’t tell anybody they’re wrong these days. If you do, expect to be hectored on social media. And it’s to the point where we’ve dropped friends because they’re on the other side of the political fence.

So Trump says the Mueller report is a triumph, a complete exoneration, and the left says the devil is in the details and when we see the actual report…

And the rank and file are watching Netflix.

There’s a thin layer of people addicted to the news. The rest of us have been glued ever since the Trump phenomenon gained traction, but we’re sick of it now. With the cheerleading cable channels, the newspapers that trump up one side or the other. It’s a 24/7 circus, it never shuts down, everything’s important.

But it’s not.

That’s what we’ve learned. We only have power over our own little lives. And we want to refocus on them. Sure, we’ll vote in the next election, but one thing’s for sure, there’s always an election thereafter.

Or as George Carlin so eloquently put it, “Save the planet? SAVE YOURSELF!”