Ask Again, Yes: A Novel

I could not put this book down.

I’m wary of recommending something you might not like. I recently finished Liz Moore’s “Long Bright River,” one of today’s hot books. It’s about sisters, one’s a cop and one’s a drug addict. And to tell you the truth, I had a hard time putting that one down too, but it just didn’t resonate the same way.

“Ask Again, Yes” is a story. Of people.

Guys don’t read this kind of book. They want non-fiction, business, they want their reading to get them ahead, to pay a dividend for their investment. And they also read genre books, you know, mysteries, thrillers, and a few are highbrow, but many are just filling the time, until you get to an unforeseen twist.

But women will read a story with no supernatural characters, no aliens, no superheroes, no tie-in to world events. You see women feel, and men have a problem with that.

OF COURSE I’M GENERALIZING! There are women who are hard-asses and men who are sensitive. But what I’m saying here is many men won’t dive into a book like this and they should, because we’re all living life, we’re all making choices, life is an endless river with twists and turns and you never know when the water will rush, or run out, or you’ll enter rapids unprepared.

The husbands are cops.

But this is not a cop story.

And there’s an incident, but the entire book does not hang on that.

Do you fall into a career, or do you choose it?

Do you buy a house and have kids before you’re truly ready?

Does your betrothed stand up for you?

Is love forever?

Are you principled, or do you have a wandering eye?

Are you a good person, but flawed?

All these questions are asked and more.

Do you have expectations for your kids? What if they don’t take the road you want them to? And how important is money? And as life goes by do you realize how much you’re missing and will never experience, and do you care?

The characters could be more developed.

But you don’t have the endless scene-setting and description of the highbrow “literature.” First and foremost a book must be readable, and too many highfalutin’ writers break this rule, so their work is immediately compromised, but not Mary Beth Keane.

And you may not see yourself in the book, but maybe you will. Especially if you grew up in the suburbs.

And life happens and stuff gets thrown at you that you had nothing to do with, and you’ve got no choice but to soldier on.

Reading is a private endeavor. Antithetical to today’s internet, show-off environment. It’s just you and the book. You delve into a world. You may be walking around the neighborhood, at work, but part of you is still in the headspace of the novel, and you can’t wait to get back there.

There’s no big lesson when the book ends. There’s not even a slam-bang, unexpected ending.

In a world where everyone lauds comic books, as if guys should get credit for reading them…

In a world where everybody goes lowbrow and bristles if you say their behavior is in the gutter…

Where you’re wary of acting like you’re better than someone else (I’m not talking about the wannabe bozos online, just the people you come in contact with each and every day)…

The truth is we’re all just trying to figure it out, we’re all the same, despite the totems. At heart we’re animals, with feelings. Sometimes we bury them, we’re afraid of being judged. But when you read a good book your life opens up, you feel free, connected, inspired…you know that you are not alone. And isn’t that the purpose of art?

P.S. This is not a rare book. It was a hit over the spring and summer. But I just picked it up.

P.P.S. I read a physical copy, boy is that a pain in the ass. I’ve got to turn on the lights, which ruins the nighttime mood. Yes, I read in the dark, it enhances the experience. And the typeface was too small. On a Kindle, you can adjust it. But the antiquities who run the book business like it this way, they love that they killed the Kindle book. Come on, click on the link above, the hardcover is a dollar and sixty cents cheaper than the digital edition, which required no printing, no shipping and no return. The book business should have learned the lessons of the record business…everybody thinks their business is different, but it’s not.

Break Shot: My First 21 Years: An Audio Memoir

It’s free.

The fifties and sixties are already fading into the rearview mirror. Kinda like the radio days, before TV, Woody Allen made a movie, but they’re disappearing along with the Greatest Generation.

And it won’t be long before the baby boomers are history and no one will really know what it was like to grow up before the internet, before you could reach everybody instantly from the palm of your hand, when no one got lost, when you stayed in touch and knew what was going on with every person you ever met.

It was boring.

Our parents lived through the Great Depression. And the war. They knew what it was like to lose everything, so they paid cash and did not live large. Seemingly everybody in the suburbs lived in a newly-constructed house, where a mom who didn’t work didn’t drive an SUV but a station wagon, and the emphasis was on integrating yourself into the group. Almost no one was famous, there was almost no way to become famous, we all lived in our own little burgs. And if we were just a bit off-kilter, just a little bit different, we were lost outsiders, there was no online group to make us feel at home.

And most music came from the radio. People owned few records, which they knew by heart, and then the Beatles came along and created a whole new paradigm, one heretofore unknown, wherein you could become internationally famous and rich seemingly overnight, and not just release pabulum written by others, never forget the Beatles wrote their own songs, and this was important.

So James Taylor’s dad was a doctor. The family started in Massachusetts and then moved to North Carolina. Where did this leave James?

These were not today’s dads. Friends to the kids, doing the diaper-changing and the dishes. No, our dads were locked up, not emotional, and they went to work and brought home the bacon and you did not want to be ungrateful.

And sure, there were poor people. But there was a strong middle class. The bills were paid, and suddenly the progeny could be thinking about distant horizons, developing themselves, getting lost, becoming all they wanted to be.

JT’s mother took him to Broadway plays.

You see our parents wanted to educate us in the arts. They exposed us to so much. And we all listened to the Original Cast Recordings. They played “Oklahoma” in James’s house, they played it in mine.

And then James got lost.

His dad went to Antarctica for two years and came back a changed man. James was shipped off to boarding school.

And then he sank.

And he credits this sinking and his subsequent institutionalization with removing the pressure to fulfill his parents’ desires, become a doctor or a lawyer, live the safe life, at least in terms of work.

That’s what we heard from day one. That we were going to college and becoming a doctor or a lawyer. You had to become a professional. To give yourself a leg up. I did not grow up with any lapsed lawyers, but almost all of the attorneys I know in California no longer practice, they’re members of the bar, but sitting behind a desk cleaning up and annotating others’ lives, going to court, that’s anathema.

Today you become an entrepreneur, work on Wall Street.

No one I knew started a business. As for working on Wall Street…it wasn’t that lucrative back then, and it was seen as selling out.

But you could become a musician.

Everybody was a musician, everybody took piano and guitar lessons. People formed bands, whipped out their guitars at parties for singalongs. It was the equivalent of Instagram or TikTok, but it was up close and personal, there was no digital creation, it was all analog.

This is the best part of “Break Shot.” It brings you back to those days, it sets your mind a-wanderin’, remembering when, recalling feelings and events you haven’t thought of in years. The audiobook creates a mood. Outside the regular world. You cannot multitask, cannot watch TV and listen, although I guess you could surf the web. But that would detract from the exquisite experience, of being up close and personal with the creator, the man who wrote those songs you know by heart.

And this isn’t about hero worship.

And James admits he grew up in an upper middle class environment, even went to Europe in high school, but the more you listen you realize he’s really no different from you and me. Shuffling along with more questions than answers.

And like my dad, his dad Ike was good in a crisis. You didn’t want to bother them with your everyday emotions, but when Ike heard the desperation and loss in his son’s voice, he told him to stay put and he’d be there soon. Ike drove to NYC and took James back to North Carolina to kick heroin.

You see those people who fit in don’t need drugs.

But the dirty little secret is very few of us fit in. And stunningly, we feel most connected when we hear a musician sing our lives in their songs.

Now there isn’t much that isn’t public knowledge in this book. And I don’t want to reveal what you may not know.

And at first you’ll be thrown off guard, because James is quite definitely reading, he’s a bit stilted.

But when he stops and picks up his guitar…

And to tell you the truth, I could listen to this book all over again, but in a much deeper edition. I want to hear more of the story of Suzanne. The woman who inspired “Carolina In My Mind.”

More about James’s love affairs, more about rattling around in Martha’s Vineyard.

But most musical biographies are written at a distance, with attitude, you read the story, but you don’t feel it, you don’t get the sense you know the author.

But you definitely get the sense you know James Taylor as you listen to this.

So is this a new art form?

I never listen to audiobooks.

I certainly hate the abridged editions, and I like to create the pictures, the voices in my head. I remember when the Peanuts characters appeared on TV, their voices were completely different from the ones I had in my mind. To a degree, it ruined it for me.

But you cannot hear music in a book, even if it includes a playlist. When James tells the story of being at the first Rock in Rio, playing to 300,000, revealing it took ten hours to get back to the hotel, and then you hear “Only A Dream In Rio,” you too are wowed.

This is the studio version, but a lot of the material is cut just for the book.

And you realize songs are inspired by life. Every song has a story. They do not come out of thin air. Some were written in mental hospitals. It’s a need to express yourself more than a need to become rich and famous. Although James does say it only truly works if you connect with the listener, evoke feelings and thoughts in their brains.

Now I played “Carolina In My Mind” every morning in the spring of my senior year of high school. The world was coming alive, and the song inspired me, even though at the time I hadn’t been to Carolina, that would take decades.

And “Something In The Way She Moves” was so personal, you could see through James’s eyes, but also your own.

And both of those were on the original Apple album “James Taylor,” which has been lost to history. Oh, you can now stream it, it resurfaced in the CD era, it’s just that the original versions of these songs are not the ones you know now, but the remakes, from the Warner Brothers “Greatest Hits” album.

And then came “Sweet Baby James”…

I went to see James at the Capitol Theatre and there were only about a hundred and fifty people there.

A few months later you couldn’t get a ticket.

And it wasn’t hype, it was a need to get closer to humanity.

And this was an era where you could own James Taylor and Led Zeppelin, our tastes were not so narrow.

And James tells the story of “Suite For 20 G” and then it’s over. “Break Shot” stops at this point.

But James carried on.

Many did not, they were bitten by the drugs, they didn’t fit into the era of greed which started in the eighties. Surviving is the hardest part. You can die and become a legend, but you won’t even know that!

So if you’ve ever run that road from Stockbridge to Boston, if you’ve ever seen the snow on the Berkshires, if you’ve ever driven on a gray day with the heat on and a cassette in the dashboard radio…

You’ll know what James Taylor is talking about. It will resonate. You’ll feel warm and connected. You’ll know what has been buried is still there. The victories and the losses. It’s the music that carries us through.

And James Taylor wrote a lot of that music.

They’re never gonna let you be a member of the club.

What did they say in school, your mistake is gonna go on your permanent record?

I binged “Breaking Bad.” I checked out an episode when the mania hit, after it was on Netflix, and I didn’t get it. I still think “The Sopranos” is the best drama ever on television. As for “The Wire”? I tried, but I couldn’t get into it. Tried again recently, but it’s so dated and…

I only binge. I do not watch from week to week. I decide on a show and I go deep. This is satisfying, to get to know the characters, and there’s no waiting, I can watch as many episodes as I want in a row, cruise from season to season.

And usually I watch these series out of time, as in the buzz is off. I guess it’s part of my identity. I was never a member of the cool group. I always wanted things for my own. And when everybody is talking about a series, when everybody owns it, they don’t want to hear your take, especially if it does not coincide with that of the group. I like my stuff personal, just for me.

But eventually we binged “Breaking Bad,” got into it. To tell you the truth, I liked “The Americans” better, but I don’t mean that as a put-down of “Breaking Bad.”

“Breaking Bad” is weird. It’s shot fast and flat in a world where network television spends more money on the image than the story, where it’s all about beautiful people doing fake things. But the people in “Breaking Bad” were not classically beautiful, they were just people living their lives. As for Walter White…he took the road less taken and ended up a teacher as opposed to rich. And when someone is rich, they’re envied in our society, they’re better than us. I was having a conversation with someone last week and they put me down in the most obtuse of ways. I know it had more to do with them than me, but I also couldn’t get over the fact that this person made seven figures, and that’d be quite a reach for me.

But being a regular person is not enough. Everybody wants to be rich and famous, who you are is nearly irrelevant.

And then there are those too scared to veer from the beaten path, who do what their parents tell them to do, become doctors and lawyers and then are pissed when the risk-takers supersede them in society.

But it’s different from the seventies. In the seventies you could take some time to figure out who you wanted to be. Now, anybody with a brain is on a path. Because they don’t want to fall on the lesser side. One where you can’t make ends meet and opportunities are few. Where the DNC and Democratic elites have contempt for you. Be sure, the people who have money in today’s society worked hard for it, grubbed grades, toiled around the clock, and they don’t have sympathy for those who did not. Furthermore, with morals out the window it’s no longer about the common good, but the personal good. I can rationalize my behavior and as long as it puts food on the table, I’m good. Like this other person in the music business who acted like a Mafia Don, also in the seven figure club, who when confronted with his bad behavior told me “I’m just trying to feed my family.” When he made enough money to feed his whole neighborhood.

So when these series end you feel hollow, you want more, and in the case of “Breaking Bad” there was more, the prequel, “Better Call Saul.”

Now I’ve followed Bob Odenkirk for a long time, but I never did cotton to “Mr. Show” and I figured he was just another comedian looking to pay the rent, acting for the bucks, until I saw him in “Breaking Bad.” He owns the screen. And he owns the screen in “Better Call Saul.”

In addition to being flat in image, these two Vince Gilligan shows have their own pace, which is slow, akin to real life. You have to get into the rhythm, you too have to slow down, if you’re looking for a hit of adrenaline, these shows are not for you. But if you watch them, they’re extremely rewarding.

Now by time I was ready, by time I finished “Breaking Bad,” there were already three seasons of “Better Call Saul,” which I hoovered right up.

And I was eager for the fourth, but it was on AMC, as in weekly TV.

I caught the first three, but then I got busy and missed a few and then went to on demand and…THEY ELIMINATED THE NEXT EPISODES! And this is crazy, I’m paying for cable, why should I get screwed, the series wasn’t finished, but you could no longer see episodes four and five, and I need to see everything in order, I take my series seriously.

And I wasn’t gonna buy it. That’s an insult. Actually, the entire TV industrial complex is an insult. Did you ever check how many streaming services there are? Read about a series and find out you don’t get that service. And I used to pay for each and every cable station because I wanted instant access, to be able to survey the entire culture, but in today’s world where nobody can know everything, I refuse to sign up for so many apps. The distributors think they’re winning, but they’re actually losing. The record business realized this. And put all the content in one place for one price. Which they used to call cable, but now it’s even worse! It feels like there will be as many streaming services as shows! Forget Amazon, Netflix and Hulu, never mind AppleTV+, Disney+ and CBS All Access. How about MHz, or Sundance Now or BritBox or Mubi or… Once again, distribution is king, if you’re not on one of the popular streaming services, your work will never be seen, at least not in quantity. As for viewers? This is today’s America, where the customer is thought of last, even though the customer rules. This is how Trump got elected and Bernie Sanders may get the nomination, because there are more screwed than screwers.

And to be honest, when I picked up with episode four of “Better Call Saul” this week I couldn’t remember much of what happened in the three previous episodes, but I wasn’t gonna go back and watch them, I soldiered on.

Now what you’ve got to know is Jimmy McGill, aka Saul Goodman, played by Bob Odenkirk, is a nogoodnik. He can’t fly straight, he’s always hustling, he’s always getting in trouble. And his older brother is a prince, a legendary attorney who is hobbled by his phobias. We’re all imperfect, we’ve all got flaws, whether we show them to another or not. And it’s the most rich and powerful who are the most tortured, because they cannot share their troubles because they are afraid of getting judged. Forget the actors and musicians who go to rehab, who air their dirty laundry, that’s a marketing tool. But for not only the billionaires, for not only the rich and famous, but for the stockbrokers and attorneys and doctors, they too believe in a hierarchy and they don’t want to fall down a few pegs, possibly permanently.

So Jimmy tries to change his spots but he can’t. He loves the game too much. He’s first and foremost a salesman.

Ever sell?

It depletes you. Because if you care about your customers, you fall down the food chain. You’ve got to sell what you don’t want to, you’ve got to overcharge, you’ve got to be fake, you’ve got to lie, all to put food in your mouth. And salespeople rule the world. What did they call it, Steve Jobs’s “reality distortion field”?

And Jimmy’s got a girlfriend, who is also an attorney, who vacillates between being the good girl and the bad, between working for the bank and the indigent. Most of us are conflicted. Few of us are singular, we always wonder if we should be doing something else, if we’re wasting our time, if the hourglass is gonna run out of sand.

But Jimmy’s girlfriend Kim Wexler, played by Rhea Seehorn, stands by Jimmy. Oh, when he pushes the limits really far, she winces, but she maintains the bond, does not have one foot out the door…

You see she’s thrilled by Jimmy’s personality, who he is.

So many are good on paper. But we’re attracted to those with a spark, who can make things happen, who can educate us, who help us have fun. And that’s Jimmy.

Not that Kim sacrifices everything, not that she blindly follows Jimmy. As for sharing an office…

So, the season is ending. We’re gonna find out if Jimmy is gonna get his law license back.

And suddenly there’s a boardroom meeting, at the law firm of Chuck, Jimmy’s deceased brother.

You’re not sure if this is a flashback, you’re not sure what is going on.

But then you realize they’re giving out scholarships, in Chuck’s name.

And when the voting comes in, the three ass-kissers, the three world-beaters, triumph.

But Jimmy has a problem with this. What about the girl who made a mistake, is that gonna haunt her forever?

Spoiler alert!

So, she doesn’t get it. But Jimmy tracks her down, and gives this high school student a piece of his mind, life instruction. Instead of being all fake, telling her “good try,” Jimmy says she’s never gonna be a member of the club, they’re never gonna let her in, but if she digs down deep and does it her way, she can succeed, at even a higher level than her tormentors.

Hmm…

Jimmy also tells her to cut corners.

But the truth is the hustlers take over the world.

Those with the pedigree get mowed right over. It’s those hobbled by a mistake, who didn’t grub for grades, who did not go to the best college, who were not a member of the group, who change society.

Shawn Fanning was not rich and he did not go to Harvard.

You see you dismiss these people at your peril. You don’t learn everything in books, and intelligence is not only revealed in paper tests.

The outsiders are incentivized.

And it’s not only a matter of education, but being a member of the group. Which is why outsiders like Mark Zuckerberg won. He was never the cool insider. So many of these tech bros were not.

But they succeeded beyond their wildest dreams, they pushed the envelope when most people couldn’t even see it. Those investing in tech companies today…they’re weak also-rans. Unless you’re willing to put it all on the line out beyond the limits, you’re not changing society, and you’re probably not even getting rich.

And just like Jimmy McGill, so many of these tech bros (and most are male) are clueless as to where the moral line is. Since they were not a member of the group, they don’t know how to abide by the rules of society. They love being rich and powerful, because now they can grab some of those perks that were off limits to them before. Kind of like Mike Bloomberg, did you see today’s “Washington Post” article?

“Mike Bloomberg for years has battled women’s allegations of profane, sexist comments”

It may have been years ago, it may not affect his chances, but this is a great illustration of an outsider nerd bucking the system to gain success and then act imperiously in unaccepted ways.

So, the new season of “Better Call Saul” starts next week. I guess I’ll set the DVR, but I hate forwarding through the commercials, and I hate waiting a week. I’d say I’ll just wait until it hits Netflix, but I do realize that’ll be at least a year, they wait that long, until a new season is airing, before they give you the previous one.

They make it hard.

But that’s today’s reality, today’s world. They make it hard. They don’t care about you, they want to make it hard for you to succeed. If you’re pissed and you don’t accept the short end of the stick and decide to do something about it, you’re on the road to success.

Just ask Jimmy McGill.

“Why Is Bloomberg’s Long History of Egregious Sexism Getting a Pass?-The surging Democratic presidential candidate has fielded some 40 sexual harassment and discrimination lawsuits”

The rich are different from you and me…THEY’RE ENTITLED!

Sure, Trump did it, but that’s a FALSE EQUIVALENCY! Democrats are the big tent party, embracing women, people of color, the blue collar, they’re enlightened, at least until the last twenty five years, which is why Republicans are winning, they’ve got a more singular audience, white, and they’re speaking directly to them, meanwhile the Democratic leaders keep telling us they’re offended, but they’re drinking from the same trough.

Ain’t that America, where you’re nobody until you’re somebody, and when you’re somebody you skate, paying for your offenses like a road manager with a roll of hundys until your ego becomes so self-inflated you believe you can run the government better than those with experience, because after all, YOU’RE RICH!

Forget whether Bernie Sanders loses or wins, now you can see why he has a constituency. And just like despite the “booming economy” there are those without jobs outside the unemployment statistics, never mind the underemployed, there are dyed-in-the-wool lefties who aren’t bothering to vote because they believe it makes no difference, that the leaders of the Democratic and Republican parties are more similar than different.

My favorite take on this is from the film “Milk”…you cannot win unless you give the people HOPE!

It’s not only income inequality, there’s social inequality, which often goes with said wealth:

“Bloomberg Pursues Wealthy Donors, but Not Their Checkbooks-Michael Bloomberg has sworn off taking money from other people for his presidential campaign. But in private, he is courting rich Democrats, potentially posing a challenge for his moderate rivals.”

Yup, Michael Bloomberg wants to steal the nomination with his cash.

Come on, he carpet bombs us on TV and then Instagram. Sure, Trump is uncontrollable, but does it really come down to our billionaire versus their billionaire?

Which is why taking the corporate cash is such a downer. It contributed to Hillary’s downfall and Mayor Pete…do you think he’s speaking for you? Then you must be RICH!

The record business thought it had everything under control. It was selling overpriced CDs with one good track, raking in the dough. It discontinued the single. And then…Napster.

And what did the industry do? Look into the future and make peace?

No, it SUED!

Don’t you get it, the DNC is just like the record companies. It wants to hold on to what it’s got, keep its power rather than adjust to a new reality. Meanwhile trying to scare us into its vision by saying…”You remember McGovern, right?” Even though 1972 was a different era and McGovern was never a strong candidate. And then telling us we’re unsophisticated and don’t know enough, as in we don’t understand it’s about coattails, and therefore you need a nominee who can generate this, ignoring the fact that their vaunted Obama lost so many governorships and state legislatures during his term. Which is why we’ve got the war on abortion and the eradication of voting rights. But no, this gang says to trust them, WHY?

And the labels thought they had a closed system, built on radio. And then rappers gave it away for free on Soundcloud, became the darlings of Spotify, and now the tail is wagging the dog, labels sign acts AFTER they’ve proven themselves with hits. The whole model has changed, labels don’t find talent, they BLOW UP talent, mostly via their relationships with the dying terrestrial radio and network television. Talk about preparing for the future…

Meanwhile, the labels are run by overpaid seven figure oligarchs and everybody who has not been fired, whose position has not been eliminated, is paid bupkes.

The problems are all the same. The people are getting the short end of the stick, and they’ve got no power. Supposedly they can elect officials who will speak for them, but it doesn’t happen on the Democratic side. Give credit to the Republicans, speaking for their gerrymandered districts.

It is not business as usual. This is why the Democrats lose, they don’t realize the landscape has changed, never mind changing themselves. Just because they didn’t inherit their wealth, went to college and worked hard for their riches, that does not make them better than the rest of us. Be accused of sexual harassment and lose your job, but if you’re the seven figure Neil Portnow you’re not even put on leave, if you’re Bloomberg you just write a check and move on. ISN’T THIS EXACTLY WHAT WE HATE ABOUT TRUMP?