This guy was one of a kind.

Scratch that… There was a group of concert promoters, who built this business, who had personality, moxie and could tell a story that you’d repeat for the rest of your life!

That’s what concert promoters have…stories. It’s not like working at a label, the relationship with the acts is different. And they continue. And even though you may only intersect with the act once a year, you’re considered a close friend, because the nature of a rock act is…they go on the road, come back home and write and record a record and then go back on the road…such that these concert promoters may be some of the people they see most!

Anyway…

Donald Tarlton, aka Donald K. Donald, just died.

If you’re under the age of 60 do you care?

If you’re under the age of 50 do you care?

If you’re under the age of 40 you definitely don’t care. You’ve never heard of him and never will. And the business is completely different today.

You see the concert business in the sixties and into the seventies was just like tech in the nineties and first decade of this century. It was the wild west, filled with entrepreneurs. And for everyone who succeeded, there were tons who failed.

These were not fat cats, just young people with an idea. They could tell something was in the air. They listened to the radio, they perceived the power of music and they knew that kids would want to see these acts…why shouldn’t they do it? They could do it, right? Borrow some money and put on a show?

Like I said, not everybody succeeded. But there were those who did and rose above and then Frank Barsalona created a territorial system… You played his acts in your assigned territory only, you did not poach from others, and Frank would not only give you the stars, but the up and comers, which you had an obligation to play. And the system was great, and functioned such that everybody got rich, until Robert Sillerman decided to roll up these old promoters and I could run you through a few steps but the end result is today that company is known as Live Nation and it is publicly-traded.

Concert promotion is mature. Only for the big boys (and girls).

In the old days everybody worked together, if your date stiffed, you’d give the promoter money back, so they could stay in business and book you and pay you in the future. No one gives money back to Live Nation, it’s a public company, SCREW THEM!

It’s no longer a family business, it’s just business.

Forget the labels. They’re moribund. Museums of old records with a few new ones thrown in for sexiness. These new records in few genres get press, but all the action is in live, where if you succeed, you can be a lifer. Now it used to be that labels shuffled the deck every few years, and that’s no longer true, but that’s just evidence of the calcification of the business.

As for live… It’s all about relationships, and it all comes down to money. All the b.s. at the labels, deciding who to sign, messing with the act’s creativity, that doesn’t exist in live. In live if you can sell tickets, everybody wants to be in business with you and they’ll pay the freight. And unlike with recordings, the act gets the lion’s share of the money.

Anyway, Donald Tarlton was there in the sixties. His first breakthrough was at the world’s fair, Expo 67.

Now I hate to tell the story, because Donald told it so well. And you’ll see reference to it in some of the obits, but… Bottom line, Donald made a bad deal for a club at the fair, and it wouldn’t work financially. But then he had a brilliant idea. Make it a HALF HOUR disco! And parade people in and out.

And I’m not going to give you more, because you’ve got to know, Donald would not only tell you the story, HE’D ACT IT OUT! Shuffling the people out of the disco. And boy could Donald tell a story, smiling with nuance.

And there are two other absolutely legendary stories…

One involving Don Fox in New Orleans… Let’s just say that Fox was led to believe he was at risk of the Big Guy coming, and he didn’t want that… Yup, not the police, not the mafia, please don’t let it happen. And when Fox was freaking out, it turned out to be TARLTON who was the Big Guy, and at the time he was a big guy!

And he’d wear those white shoes. He looked like he just came from the golf course or Miami Beach, but underneath it all, he was more rock and roll  than most of the people in the business today.

And he grew an empire, with records, with acts you’ve heard of, who sold millions, but then…

There was the time he played the Who. Great show, all good. And then in the middle of the night, he got a call they’d been locked up…right now I don’t remember the offense, I think it had something to do with being rude to the cops. Anyway, to bail them out, Donald needed over 10k in cash. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!

This is what a concert promoter does, fixes problems, comes through.

They couldn’t wait until the banks opened the next morning, the band had to move on down the road.

SO…

In the middle of the night, Donald calls the local mafioso. Who gives him the money in a paper bag and… Donald shows up at the jail with the cash and the Who are in the cell, with their hands on the bars, singing DON’T FENCE ME IN!

Yes, Donald knew the local mafioso. You had to. Everybody knew everybody, it was a shady business. And it’s not completely clean today.

Now the last time I saw Donald in Toronto… He was hobbled, a bit out of it, we nodded heads at each other, I greeted him in passing, but I just couldn’t stop and converse like I normally would. He’d lost more than a step, and I just couldn’t handle it.

Because Donald Tarlton was so alive. Told the best road stories I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot! And he wasn’t threatening, not intimidating, like so many of his peers. He was nice, congenial…not that he did not know where every dollar was buried.

Put Donald in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Put all of the legends from Barsalona’s circuit.

But Donald was in Montreal, which in America is seen as an outpost where people speak French. But Donald was a player, as savvy as anybody in Canada, anybody in the United States.

And now he’s gone.

And he’s not the only one.

They were all characters, entrepreneurs, and the one thing they had in common was they could tell STORIES! To this day, each and every concert promoter…

You think you want to hang backstage with the band? NO WAY! You want to hang with the promoter, go to dinner with the promoter.

Which I did with Donald.

And I remember that night with that woman in Toronto…

No, it’s not as dark as you think, but it was intimate and it was important and now Donald is gone.

And it’s not like the people you see on stage. But in many ways Donald was a bigger rock star than anybody plying the boards. Because he did it his way and he LASTED! Yup, decade after decade, looking like a guy who sold insurance. But Donald sold music, he created events people will never forget, he signed and distributed legendary music and…

It was a thrill, an honor to know Donald…

No, I don’t want to overstate it… I guess that Donald treated me as an equal, and he told his stories this way. He didn’t lord them over you, he wanted you in on the joke. And you were, and you’d never forget them or him.

I certainly won’t.

It’s inflammation.

What caused said inflammation?

Could be an infection, it’s not clear.

What happens now?

Well, I take a steroid dosepak to try and fix the condition. And in three months, I return for another scope.

But there is one caveat, they have to run the urine sample. Theoretically that could show cancer, but the odds are very low.

So I’m relieved, but right now numb.

Actually, the anticipatory anxiety began on Sunday night.

Oh, that’s right, I did not tell you I employed a connection to move the appointment up to today. One’s entire life is about building relationships that pay dividends. Ultimately, it’s all about who you know, and in this case I know someone who could pull the right strings and I’m forever grateful, if for no other reason than I don’t have to continue to remain in suspended animation, wondering what is going on for two more weeks. Then again, to say I’ve returned to normal emotionally is not quite accurate.

As for my dick… IT DOESN’T HURT!

Not significantly more than when I went in there…there’s still some residual pain from the first cystoscopy.

As the appointment approached my anxiety became more about the procedure than the result. Because really, last time it was ultimately so painful that I just could not imagine tolerating that level of discomfort once again.

And then I had to wait. Which I can tolerate. But at Clark Urology the last time they saw me EARLY, they’re usually close to on time.

And what do you do during that window? Funny what you can look up on your phone that has nothing to do with everyday life. Reminds me when I have to take opioids after an operation. You can’t concentrate and work, you just mindlessly surf. In this case at adultconfessions.com Don’t ask me how I found it… I just clicked through on some Google result and ended up there and I continued to read the stories, which are as far removed from the war in Iran as one can get.

But eventually my name was called.

By my buddy the nurse. We picked up where we left off. We talked watches and cars and I undressed and I lay down with my penis through an opening while he lacquered me up and…

Waited for the doctor to come in.

As for the doctor…

Never forget, everybody’s an expert. You do know why I have this condition, don’t you? THE COVID VACCINE! Yup, multiple people e-mailed me that. And then there were those who said not to trust western medicine, that I needed to take these supplements from some doctor in Hawaii and… Do people really believe this stuff? Is this how distrusted expertise has become? I remember when my back went nuclear three decades ago. Everybody told me two things…do not go to physical therapy and do not get a steroid shot, never ever!

So I didn’t go to physical therapy, just stayed with acupuncture for months, and never got a steroid shot… But physical therapy ultimately cured me. And when my back was bad before Covid, they shot me up and the pain went away! But I listened to the scuttlebutt, from the people warning me about all the potential ill effects. Don’t listen, trust the experts.

So I’m trusting the system, I’m not at the stage where you get a second opinion. I was going to use the expert I was referred to. But my inbox started to go wild with all these authorities telling me who to use, because obviously their doctor is the best. Well, the funny thing is…most of the people said to use the doctor I was seeing, so that was good confirmation.

And when the doctor finally arrived. I expressed my anxiety.

And he shrugged, close to a wince. So I told him about the pain I’d experienced last time, that I was more worried about the procedure than the results, which at this point I really was.

He said there would be no problem.

AND THERE WASN’T!

Reminds me of when I had my first bone marrow test when I got cancer. To say it was painful… This nurse is drilling into my hip bone, and not only was the procedure excruciating, the recovery took weeks.

And the next time they were preparing me for a bone marrow test…

I locked into the conversation. They seemed to be talking about the previous test, which had been months before, I mean how could they remember it? And then they started to soothe me in advance, told me it wouldn’t be like the last time, and they’d FIRED THAT NURSE AFTER MY PROCEDURE!

Whew!

And that second bone marrow test was light years less painful and with today’s cystoscopy I had the same experience. Actually, the injection of the lidocaine in advance in preparation was more painful.

And as I’m girding for the worst, the doctor tells me to look at the monitor. And I can see that I’m bleeding, not heavily, but I still am bleeding, which I thought would not be the case, since I hadn’t been urinating blood, VISIBLE blood.

But inky blood was streaming off the bladder wall… Well, low-level streaming. And the doctor is moving the camera, he points out the various bleeding areas and says it’s like the San Andreas Fault. After he says it doesn’t look like cancer, that cancer looks completely different.

And it wasn’t hit and run, he drove the camera around my bladder, zeroed in on the problem areas, and it wasn’t painful at all.

And he said the problem was inflammation.

So what caused the inflammation?

He did not know. Could be an infection, could be an injury, it’s unclear. But compared to having cancer, this is no big deal, this is GREAT!

And he wasn’t upset. You’ve got to be there when the doctor does the test and the results are not good. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this. Their whole demeanor changes, this is no longer routine. But today it was no big deal!

Then again, as he was whipping off his rubber gloves, the doctor did say he couldn’t be absolutely definitive until he ran the urine test. It could show cancer. But when I quizzed him, like I said above, he told me the odds were extremely low.

So…

What have I learned?

That first night, after I stopped bleeding and saw no need to go to the emergency room? That was stupid. This problem needed to be addressed. After all, my bladder is still bleeding, however lightly, nearly three weeks later.

Two, you’ve got to plug into a major health system, with not only world class experts, but more than one of them. You don’t want to be at the mercy of the one person in town, who probably doesn’t do this every day.

Third… When you’ve got a health issue, everything else becomes secondary.

Fourth… I was positively stunned at the response I got to my issue, the caring and the warmth. I mean I expected a response, but not of this intensity and magnitude. To quote James Taylor:

“Once you tell somebody

The way that you feel

You can feel it beginning to ease

I think it’s true what they say

About the squeaky wheel

Always getting the grease”

“Shower the People”

So we will now be returning to our usual programming, where you disagree with me and put me down.

But I can handle it. It’s much better than what I was facing!

“Hollywood Heavyweights Sign Letter Opposing Paramount’s Deal for Warner Bros. – The letter warns that the deal will result in fewer jobs for creatives, along with higher costs and less choice for audiences.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/13/business/media/hollywood-letter-opposing-paramount-warner-bros-deal.html

You can’t stop progress…

Or why does Hollywood continue to fight the last war?

Do I like Bari Weiss in control of news not only at CBS, but CNN?

Do I like Zaslav walking away with a billion dollars?

No, but the story here is not the consolidation of aged film studios, but the explosion of alternative avenues of distribution.

Statistics, as well as analysts, tell us Netflix’s main combatant for viewing time is not Disney+ or Amazon Prime or Hulu or network or cable, but YOUTUBE!

The barrier to entry on YouTube is nonexistent! Anybody can create and play.

As for the amount of money they say it takes to make a movie…

Let’s see, music is the canary in the coal mine for digital disruption. So what happened in music when the avenues of distribution were changed, from physical retail to online streaming? Creation EXPLODED!

Used to be it cost a fortune to go into a studio and make a major label album. Now you can do it on you laptop in your home. And even the biggest stars are making music more cheaply, why do you need a big studio to cut vocals? The entire industry has changed as a result of technology. But we hear again and again from those in the film world that the game must remain the same. Why are movies immune? They’ve got no antitrust protection like the NFL…and the government is investigating that right now, since you have to pay multiple outlets to see all the games, the three (four) network availability is long gone.

So…

Let’s talk about distribution… The problem isn’t getting in the theatre, being available at all. Even completely indie pictures that are not picked up at film festivals can be monetized on YouTube and other services.

As for technology… You can and even auteurs like Steven  Soderbergh, have shot complete movies on iPhones.

Now let’s be clear, if you’ve got tens of millions of dollars, great gaffers, never mind cinematographers, and support with craft service can you achieve a better-looking film than you can for bupkes? OF COURSE! But the dirty little secret is what makes a film successful is story, not look. Look is secondary. But so many went to film school and put look first… Maybe they should be forced to work on the cheap.

Furthermore, the major studios have curtailed production dramatically. Why? Because the audience cannot support more films. Theatrical attendance is down. Trying to keep the theatres propped up with numerous films is akin to trying to prop up your local full-price physical bookstore when there’s the Amazon alternative. As for publishers, they killed the e-book, and what is the result? BUSINESS IS DOWN! That’s what keeping your business in the past looks like.

So, would creative people like more outlets for their wares?

OF COURSE!

But talk to mastering engineers, there used to be a few elite people, now there are a zillion and you can even do it with LANDR and no people.

But it’s not only in Hollywood that no one can lose their job, but America in general. Just because you trained for a gig, even worked it for a decade or two, you’re not entitled to lifetime employment, no one gets that in America anymore, but film people believe they deserve this?

Films are now a home experience. If I hear one more ancient self-satisfied director talk about seeing flicks in a theatre…

I’m going to whip out twenty five year old stories where the major labels and classic acts said that MP3s were inferior and music must be listened to on a purchased CD. MP3s were good enough for the public, and they loved the portability. In an on demand world do you really want me to plan ahead to see a movie in a theatre with those who do attend on their smartphones and…talk about a bad experience. My home screen may not be as large, but the film starts when I want it to, I can pause it for a bathroom break or a phone call…this is not a step backward, but progress.

Can we discuss overseas production? Absolutely, but in the same breath we have to talk about local incentives, i.e. states competing against each other with tax breaks.

The film business is far from perfect, but…

It is a business. And Warner Bros. Discovery is LADEN with debt. Wasn’t that the complaint just recently? That Zaslav was killing projects left and right? It is a business, and something had to be done about that debt.

This is the greatest time in history to be a creator. The means of production and distribution are at your fingertips. Do they look identical to the ones of the past? No, but how come Hollywood not only overpays its executives, but believes its cheese should never move?

This is a bad look. Do you really think the public has sympathy for these creators protesting? It’s like the billionaires lobbying against the California wealth tax. Who exactly has compassion for these people?

Certainly not the public… Which is overwhelmed with content. Never mind so many angry that studios don’t even make the kinds of films they like anymore.

As for consolidation… Once again, it happened in music first. And I must admit, the three remaining majors do have undue power as a result of their catalogs, but that wouldn’t differ whether there were three or six, it’s hard for an independent company to compete with an entity with these past treasures…

However, when it comes to streaming music, the majors have negotiating leverage, but ultimately, Spotify, et al, give all rightsholders essentially the same split. Maybe on the terms the majors negotiated, but there’s a limit to how good a deal they can make, otherwise the DSPs will be put out of business, they need a profit too. As for that profit… Physical retailers got a hundred percent markup. Spotify, et al, give about 70% to rightsholders, and there’s no manufacturing, no shipping and no returns!

But what has happened as the majors have consolidated?

The indie field has burgeoned. That’s an understatement, the indie slice of the pie keeps growing and that of the major labels’ new artists’ keeps going down. Nature abhors a vacuum. The majors can’t break an act, so nimble indies are running circles around them.

Actually, the same thing is happening in video too, it’s just that smug Hollywood doesn’t want to admit it. Sure, there’s dreck on TikTok and YouTube, but there’s a ton of dreck coming from the studios too. But all the innovation seems to be coming online. That’s where the bleeding edge is, and that’s what people always want in entertainment, something new and different.

We are not living in the days of yore… Even the aforementioned CBS News and CNN… They reach a tiny fragment of the public, most people get their news from a zillion different sites. Do you really think America wants to see the same few studio films? OF COURSE NOT!

And of course studios make TV shows too… But come on, streaming has added so many new shows, there may not be as much production now, but compared to the pre-Netflix days?

How can so many be so out of touch? Even Lars Ulrich ultimately embraced the techies. As for not wanting Metallica’s work tapes distributed, the script has now flipped. Acts are begging for any attention at all! They’re not only putting out everything in the vault, they’re creating material especially for social media, to try and gain traction.

So I’ve got no sympathy.

And who are you complaining to anyway? Trump? Like Trump is on the side of Hollywood?

As the Eagles sang three decades ago, GET OVER IT!

This is not what I expected.

As a matter of fact, I probably wouldn’t have watched it at all if Harold hadn’t given me a heads-up.

So I was going hiking in the mountains…

Am I the only one who has become burned-out on podcasts? Enough with the true crime, enough of the happy-talk banter, I need something more fulfilling. So I’ve recently started watching Netflix shows while I climb the mountain. No, not narrative stuff, but Bill Maher and comedy… I figure whatever I miss is not relevant, because otherwise I probably wouldn’t watch these shows at all. But I do find myself taking my phone out of my pocket and peeking now and again…

So I know Jeff Ross from late night TV, when he was trying to make it, at the advent of his career. Once he became the vaunted Roastmaster…I can’t say that roasts are my thing. Maybe because I’ve been made fun of too much in my life. I know, most of it is in fun, but there are always some jabs that hit home and…I don’t find it enjoyable entertainment.

Not that I haven’t been exposed to Jeff Ross… You hear him here and there… But I was prepared for an hour of roasting, put-downs, which done solo are a bit more palatable, but that’s not what I got.

What I first got was a Jewish song…yes, Jeff sings in this special, with the refrain “Don’t f*ck with the Jews.”

Now I’ve got to say, at this point in time, probably my whole life unless I’ve been with members of the tribe, I downplay my Judaism. Almost all of us do, after two thousand years of persecution. Furthermore, there are all the tropes about the Jews being cheap, yet rich… And it’s even worse these days. Can you say “Israel”?

So I’m wondering how not only I am going to cope with Jeff’s song, but the rest of the world. How are Jews going to feel about this? Do we want this to be emblematic, do we want to go on the offensive? Especially if the crimes Jeff delineates are not so heinous?

So Jeff is singing about his family catering hall, and then he segues into a litany of all the inventions the Jews have created.

Now if you know your history of “Seinfeld,” you know that they made George half-Jewish, because they were fearful if he was 100%, it would be too much for the audience, even though Jason Alexander radiates his Jewishiness from the get-go.

Now in the old days, when the world was smaller, yet bigger, when every event was not broadcast online for the world to see, there were places Jews went where they were amongst themselves and they could be themselves. Most famously, “the mountains,” i.e. the Catskills. And the entertainment in the hotels ultimately graduated to television, Jewish humor took over the airwaves, from not only Lenny Bruce, but to Alan King and Totie Fields, and laughs were gotten and comics were inspired but there started to be this feeling, this belief, that the Jews were squeezing the rest of the public out, not giving the goyim opportunities, so you don’t see the broad Jewish jokes of yore on TV anymore. And, once again, antisemitism has never been more rampant and intense in my lifetime. And Jeff Ross is broadly proclaiming his Jewishness and telling people not to f*ck with us?

But how many people were going to watch a Jeff Ross special anyway?

Then again, he is the ROASTMASTER!

So, I’m waiting for the roasting. And believe me, there are asides. And at first I think Jeff’s going to sing the whole show, but ultimately he settles down and starts telling his story. Yes, that’s what “Take a Banana for the Ride” is all about, Jeff Ross’s life story.

Everybody’s got one, most people are too anxious to tell it, especially if it makes them appear vulnerable, or less than. Sure, there are bleeding hearts begging for sympathy online, but that’s not what Jeff is doing here.

He reveals his illness… This special is the best advertisement for getting a colonoscopy ever.

But his family…

Conventional wisdom is every Jew has a white collar job and is rolling in dough. But this is patently untrue. Some of Jeff’s relatives had blue collar jobs.

But Jeff was born in 1965. And as he grew up it was no longer the dark ages. Believe me, when I grew up I didn’t have to worry about my father doing cocaine. And back in the day, cancer was more often than not a death sentence.

So Jeff is just going along, trying to get along. But he’s embedded in the family business, and the family issues, and he’s just like you and me, but then there are some twists and turns…

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry.

Literally. Watching this special tears will come to your eyes.

Now checking my phone as I was hiking I realized Jeff was projecting some images during the show, and I just finished the last half hour now, but I was inspired to start from the beginning again. Because I wanted to see the images.

To be honest, the vibe is different when you look instead of see. Or maybe it was because I was exercising, the words hit me ever so much more.

And I’m not a pet person. And when Jeff started to devolve into his dog story…but he made it work, he made EVERYTHING work.

This is not a conventional standup special. Far from it.

But it’s not an actor’s one person show either, because being a comedian Jeff’s presentation is broad, yet much more intimate, much more human.

Now a lot of times you watch this stuff and it’s made to feel you inadequate, they’re them and you’re you and never the two shall cross in life. They’re up there and you’re down here. But Jeff Ross… I went to school with this guy. And if you grew up in the suburbs with a modicum of Jews in your neighborhood, you did too. He wasn’t the smartest, the most popular…but those aren’t the people who surprise you, but those who are overlooked by the system, who find their own way.

I’ve never seen a comedy special like this before. Chris Rock tells some edgy stories about his personal life, but they’re always about the resulting joke, whereas in “Take a Banana for the Ride” not every line is funny, or a buildup to a payoff. Sometimes they’re just the facts of Jeff’s life, like we all have, but they made them who he is. And you’ll have sympathy for Jeff, but at the end he sends the message that you should have sympathy for yourself.

You’ll be envious of the number of friends Jeff has, who communicate with him and are there for him, but the funny thing is by the end of the special, despite some crowdwork with put-downs, Jeff appears warmer and more approachable than almost every other comedian. Which is especially head-turning, because he’s literally is the Roastmaster.

He’s not the other, thinking he’s better than you, nor do you picture him isolated, writing jokes in his hotel room or with his buddies at the diner.

No, you see him as someone you know, the kind of friend you hang out with, watch the game with, b.s. about life with.

This is an amazing achievement.

I don’t want to build it up too much, because then your expectations will be so high that you’ll be disappointed.

But I will say that each and every person reading this should watch “Take a Banana for the Ride,” it’s more human and fulfilling than anything else on TV right now.

Watch it. Right away. TONIGHT!