I quoted "Captain Jim’s Drunken Dream" at the shrink today.

The doctor asked me if I was in the cool group in high school.  I said no.  Seems that nobody in the music business was cool in high school.  If you were cool in high school, you’ve long ago descended into obscurity.  That was the peak of your life.  Whereas those of us who were frustrated, who wanted more, we’ve been trying our whole lives to achieve coolness.

Then he asked me who I had a crush on.

This was kind of interesting.  My regular shrink doesn’t ask questions, he volunteers almost nothing.  But the doctor I see with Felice employs a different technique.  Instead of me controlling the narrative, I had to think.  And I remembered this blonde-haired girl who made my heart flutter.  She was actually a year behind.  I called her a couple of times about the math homework.  And while I was getting up the gumption to ask her for a date, she found someone else.  Not on the cool team either, but it lasted.  So long, that as far as I know they still might be together.

But I wanted to give the shrink the right impression.  It wasn’t like I was a loser, it wasn’t like I was a nerd, it wasn’t like I didn’t count, it’s just that I was outside the A group.  Whereas at summer camp…  At summer camp, I was THE KING!

And that’s when I quoted "Captain Jim’s Drunken Dream".

By 1975, James Taylor’s star had faded.  And then Russ Titelman and Lenny Waronker brought him back with "Gorilla".  A breezy album with hits.  And when that worked so well, the same team got together and cut the follow-up, "In The Pocket".  Which wasn’t as successful, which has been forgotten.

There was a breezy hit on "In The Pocket" too.  The opening track, "Shower The People".  I always thought it was a throwaway until around 1990, after my ex-wife moved out, when I had plenty of time to create my own philosophy, when I was finally old enough to think for myself.  I pulled from "It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)" and "Shower The People".

You can run but you cannot hide
This is widely known
And what you plan to do
With your foolish pride
When you’re all by yourself alone
Once you tell somebody the way that you feel
You can feel it beginning to ease
I think it’s true what they say
About the squeaky wheel
Always getting the grease

It’s so hard to say what you feel.  It’s easier to slip into depression.  You’re afraid to risk, afraid of being rejected.  I could have asked that girl in high school for a date.  I’m thinking she would have rejected me and I would have been embarrassed every time I saw her in math class thereafter, but…maybe not.

Anyway, there’s a trio of cuts on the second side of "In The Pocket" that’s part of my pantheon.  A trilogy akin to "Riding On A Railroad", "Machine Gun Kelly" and "You Can Close Your Eyes" on "Mud Slide Slim".  Only, in this case, you don’t have to program them on your CD player, they’re all in a row.

I got into the last first, "Nothing Like 100 Miles"…

There’s nothing like a hundred miles
Between me and trouble in my mind
There’s nothing like a hundred miles
Show me the yellow line

That’s what many people do when they’re on the losing end of a love affair.  They leave.  Town.  Got to put some distance between them and their problems.

Before that comes the number with Stevie Wonder, "Don’t Be Sad Because Your Sun Is Down".

And before that is the keeper, what I used to call my favorite JT number, "Captain Jim’s Drunken Dream".

If Kenny Chesney…if Jimmy Buffett could cut an island number as good as this, then they’d have JT’s reputation.  Alas, they haven’t, and probably can’t.  I think you have to have been hurt to write something like "Captain Jim’s Drunken Dream"…  You have to be a bit of a loner, someone who’s removed, who dreams of being involved.

It’s a song about a displaced person.  Like David Hemmings, playing a rummy in that seventies movie.  Up here, in the north, in the States, the protagonist appears a loser…  But in his element!

Up here I’m just a whisky bum
But down there I’m a king

That’s how I was during the summer, at camp.  I had girlfriends.  I asked the opposite sex to dance at socials and they were thrilled.  I wasn’t arrogant, I just had an aura, a charisma that I didn’t have back home, where I’d ask one of my classmates to dance at a Bar Mitzvah party and they’d say no.  That hurts the ego.

After the inexplicable failure of "One Man Dog", an overlooked gem, JT gave up on Peter Asher and the west coast players.  He went all New York, he hired David Spinozza, at the peak of his powers, to produce his next record, "Walking Man".

You know that track.  But probably nothing else on the record.

And "Walking Man" is kind of slight.  But there’s nothing close to a loser on the first side until you hit track 5.

"Walking Man" is followed by "Rock ‘n’ Roll Is Music Now".  You don’t have to listen too closely to hear Paul McCartney’s guttural backup vocal.  It makes the track.  That’s what a Beatle will do.

"Let It All Fall Down" is strangely magical.  It’s quiet, but so intimate.  Then it builds, and the wordplay is exquisite.  You warm up to it.  Still, it’s not as good as what comes thereafter, "Me And My Guitar".

Me and my guitar
Always in the same mood
I am mostly flesh and bones
And he is mostly wood
Never does grow impatient
For the changes I don’t know, no
If he can’t go to heaven
Maybe, I don’t want to go, Lord

That’s a musician.  If they could talk, they wouldn’t have to play.  They don’t trust people, inanimate objects are easier.   They’ve got a desire to bridge the gap, but the only tool they’ve got is their instrument.  Which makes people fall in love with them, but the bond is about the music, not their identity.

I’m having a gray day mood.  Even though it’s been sunny all day.  I’m not exactly sure why.

And I found myself in that mindless trance.  You know, when you’re surfing from site to site, researching your life history.

And I wasn’t playing any music.  Because nothing felt right.

But when I got up to go to the bathroom, and I contemplated what to pull up in iTunes, I realized I needed something that wasn’t sunny.  I needed something like I felt.  Not exactly depressed, but isolated…getting ready to play again.

That’s when "Me And My Guitar" popped into my brain.

Every now and then I’m a lonely man
It’s nice to know that I’ve got a friend

James is talking about his guitar.  I’m talking about his music.

That’s why we still care all these years later.  It’s not the flash, it’s not the stardom, it’s the understanding.  He may be more famous, and a bit more wealthy, but somehow the path he’s walked is not that different from ours.

And it’s funny.  The track becomes exuberant.  There are horns, and strings.  But it doesn’t work.

It’s me and my guitar
Essentially me and my guitar
Oh maybe a few friends fall by for tea
A little bit of who do you love
But pay no attention
To the man behind the curtain
It’s me and my guitar
Having fun, boogie, woogie, uh-huh
Me and my guitar

Me and my keyboard…

I’m stunned the performances from the CMAs were not up on iTunes the same night.

Why not?

Oh, the acts don’t want the imperfections memorialized. They don’t understand, these are souvenirs. The fans don’t care about the problems. They want to own this stuff. When the impulse hits, IMMEDIATELY!

There’s not one single file-trading site everybody frequents anymore. So, unlike in 2001, when you just fired up Napster to get Eminem and Elton’s duet, downloading the performances requires some effort. But to see them? NO PROBLEM!

Now I want all you dyed-in-the-wool rockers to fire up Sugarland’s performance of "Stay".

If Jennifer Nettles were in her early twenties instead of a decade older, she’d be a ubiquitous star, in the rarefied air of Beyonce, eclipsing Mariah, Christina and all the young pups on TMZ and PerezHilton. Then again, Jennifer’s not a child. You believe she’s actually lived the experience, she’s had some hard years.

Okay, this next one is going to demand a bit of perseverance. Because I want you to hang in for the SECOND performance, that of Miranda Lambert, which begins just about five minutes in. Still, sit back and enjoy the opening number, Rascal Flatts’ "Still Feels Good".

Yup, after the announcer fades out, the show truly begins. You’ll feel the power of today’s country music. That truly is the guy’s voice. Even if he’s singing to tape. They call this a hit single. A hit is not something you analyze on paper, it’s just something you hear and need to hear again and again. Because it just FEELS GOOD! True, "Still Feels Good" doesn’t have the classic line about standing on the corner in Winslow, Arizona of "Take It Easy", but it goes down just as well, it puts a smile on your face. And, as I’ve gone on about seemingly ad infinitum, wait until the guitar solo outro! Slash hasn’t cut a solo of this quality in this century (meanwhile, have you caught Velvet Revolver’s grosses…positively SCARY!) Like I said, don’t analyze, just sit back and LISTEN! Not an incredibly meaningful song, but meaning rides in the backseat. LISTENABILITY is up front!

And, after James Denton’s idiocy, you get Miranda Lambert. The highlight of the show for me. They’re playing live, so the TV sound isn’t perfect. But just imagine being there. Still, the point is to watch Miranda herself. She hasn’t seemed to have read the poised popster handbook. She’s running on INSTINCT! On EMOTION!

Blow it up full screen (click on the box in the lower right-hand corner, below the moving image…to escape back to regular size when you’re done…hit ESCAPE!)

See how Miranda’s body is moving so subtly as the intro plays. Like you, at the show, GETTING INTO THE GROOVE! Then, she channels Bonnie Bramlett, but with a better voice. The twang is unforced, there’s a weird blend of hillbilly and sophistication. She’s all dressed up, but she’s letting go. The contrast is utterly RIVETING!

It’s like prior to this, she’s only worn jeans. She was out drinking with the boys last night. This is her debut. Oh, she’s stepping in those boots with a soul that Nancy Sinatra never possessed. She’s holding her hand to her head, thrusting her arm in the air. Going from sultry to take charge JUST LIKE THAT! Check out the way she throws her head forward from the neck at around 6:56. The Gibson wails, she’s tossing her hair, the drummer’s pounding and it all comes to a halt.

My favorite performance of the evening.

Check it out: 41st CMA Awards: Rascal Flatts | Miranda Lambert

The performance everybody’s talking about. Kellie Pickler.

When you’re listening, remember the song is about her mother abandoning her as a child. You might think it’s sappy. But it’s her song. And when she starts to cry at the end, first you think it’s forced. Then you realize… Her life has been tough. But she’s on stage at the CMAs… She’s singing her hit, about her life. YOU’D CRY TOO!

Kellie Pickler tearfully sings I Wonder CMA 11-07-07

The Eagles.

The Eagles-How Long(live on CMA)

Make your own judgment.

Now if you search on YouTube, or Truveo, I’m sure you’ll find more performances. But these are the ones that stuck out for me.

Like I said, too bad you can’t buy ’em. Too bad they’re not being given away on ABC’s or the acts’ sites. Technology is marching on. It’s enriching the public’s lives. But businessmen are so worried about protecting their rights, they can’t see they’re not only leaving money on the table, they’re hurting the artists’ careers. The hardest thing today is getting noticed. You’ve got to give people the tools to spread the word. You’ve got to continue to feed them with product, so they’ll stay hooked. Not one album every few years, a steady stream of music. A fan can have TWENTY different versions of the same song. And the one with the lowest recording quality can be his favorite, because maybe he was there, or it reminds him of the night he watched the CMAs with his honey, or even alone. Music gets us through life. It’s not quite as necessary as air, food and water, but it’s close. Think of it that way. Think of how you can get it in people’s hands, not about whether they’re going to rip you off. Do you think the people posted these YouTube clips to fuck with the acts? No, they did it because they were fans, they wanted to SHARE THE JOY!

From Nashville to the swamp.

Both XM and Sirius have their mainstream country channels, and their swamp stations. XM’s is entitled X Country. I thought the X stood for extreme, out there, DANGEROUS! But it turns out that’s not true. The X stands for CROSS Country. How disappointing.

Still, the station can be riveting.

You’ve got to be in the right mood. You can’t be in a rush. You’ve got to be setting out to drive across Wyoming, or Montana. You can’t be worried about picking up the kids or your dry cleaning. You’ve got to be ready to survey your entire life, as you look out the windshield, as you become HYPNOTIZED!

Funny how you know something is great from the very first note… It was that guitar SOUND!

That’s what you need pros for. Engineers and producers. Because if you get the right sound, which is very hard for amateurs to do, you can find the way directly into the audience’s heart.

I’d never heard of Jason Eady prior to today. I kept waiting for the song to stumble, to make a wrong turn, for me to lose interest. But as I was driving the streets of Santa Monica on the first sunny day in November, with my hands on the steering wheel, I remained hooked.

I want you to fire this up. Go to: www.myspace.com/jasoneadymusic "Back To Jackson" is the very first track.

This is akin to the stuff the Stones used to cut, back when they needed to go to Alabama to get it right. Back when bands weren’t about the single, but the album. When your disc wasn’t about playing to radio, but your fan base. Your POTENTIAL fan base.

Now clubs have deejays. The music emanates from speakers in the ceiling. You move your hips, bumping into the other patrons, trying to get lucky. But before MTV ruined music, back when people believed not only could music change the world, but save your soul, you went to a club, where you sat down, pulled on a beer, and reveled in the sound.

The speakers were on the stage. The lanky dude picking the guitar had been practicing since puberty. Tonight he wanted to show you that Jeff Beck and Jimmy Page had nothing on him. It wasn’t about flash, but FEEL!

And you sat there, your leg involuntarily tapping. Slapping your thigh when you got inspired. You merged with the music.

You bought the record. You told all your friends. You brought them to the next show. And that’s how this business was built. The same way you break records today, by word of mouth.

Not that radio wasn’t a component.

But today radio has a bad rep. And when I hear the lame cliches on Sirius I wince. But not on Outlaw Country. Mojo Nixon is as irreverent as ever. And there’s less talking on X Country, but just as much soul.

I think Mel Karmazin may be pulling a fast one here. After the two services merge and costs are reduced, satellite has a chance at a comeback. You know why? Because Net in the car is far off. Did you read that Sprint just canceled their WiMax project? I.e., how are you going to get a signal? It won’t be many years until most cars on the road are satellite-ready. Word will start to spread. People will realize their iPods never play anything they don’t know, especially stuff in other genres. We could become a radio nation once again.

It could happen.

And if it does, one only hopes the playlists are as open as they are on XM and the jive jocks at Sirius are executed. But I’m looking for those days of discovery to return. When the deejay had power. When the whole country was music crazy. When we were all hooked on the drum.

Country’s not only those people on TV. Jason Eady & the Wayward Apostles are hipper than the has-beens on Guitar Hero. Certainly more real than those acts playing to the back row in an imaginary stadium, that they don’t realize is unfilled.

Give it a chance. If you were listening to "Exile On Main Street" back in ’72, it’ll be familiar. If you just fell off the turnip truck, you’re in for a thrill.

This show ended HOURS ago, but I’m just firing it up now.

Actually, I caught a bit of the last half hour, as I was icing my knees after hiking. Kellie Pickler! I knew that song! Shit, I watch the Grammys and I’m clueless, yet every number on the CMAs is familiar. I can’t fast forward! But Rascal Flatts… That guy’s been on the road too long, you don’t make vocal mistakes on national television, not when everybody’s watching. Maybe that’s why he sang to tape when they opened the show…he didn’t want to make any MISTAKES!

And they opened the show with "Still Feels Good"… I LOVE this song! Please put aside your country music prejudices, go to Rascal Flatts’ MySpace page…oops, it’s not up there. Bottom line, "Still Feels Good" is the kind of record you play when you’re driving up PCH, with the sunroof open, the breeze blowing back your hair as you rest your elbow on the windowsill and scan the road through your Wayfarers. The ending solo, which I’m sure was played by Dann Huff, is simply MARVELOUS!

I can’t believe they opened with my favorite song. And the lead singer…he’s CHUBBY! He couldn’t make it in pop. But country’s truly a big tent. There’s room for an average dude with a mellifluous voice.

James Stanton? Is that this dude’s name? The host? From "Desperate Housewives"? I don’t watch that trash. And speaking about being distracted by Reba? I always thought she was homely. Ah, the scriptwriters are just as phony as they are in Hollywood. As for this dude saying country is the greatest music on earth…has he ever heard "Dark Side Of The Moon"? Still, country’s where it’s at today…

Miranda Lambert. Are you catching this? She’s not singing "Famous In A Small Town", but GUNPOWDER AND LEAD!

It’s a barn-burner. Are you catching the dude with the National steel? This ain’t on tape, this is positively LIVE! The sound is imperfect. You have to BE THERE! This is roadhouse music.

And what’s up with Miranda? With her legs spread, daring you to come up and take her! She’s showing all her attitude, all her sexiness. She’s positively FANTASTIC! And are you hearing that ripping guitar? She’s lost all pretense. She’s singing just like you in front of the mirror. She’s LETTING GO! If you don’t think this is rock and roll, you don’t know what rock and roll IS!

Oh, are you catching her thrusting her head? Back and forth? Better than, more natural than, anybody on "Dancing With The Stars"? That was fucking GREAT!

And I love how they had two musical numbers right away. It’s all about the music. Unlike the Grammys.

Sheryl Crow! What, is a supermarket opening? Is she sporting a twang? Sheryl’s a good musician, but I wish she had more self-respect.

John McBride is wearing a jacket and tie? I’ve only seen him in that same J. Crew gray blue t-shirt. He told me he bought 100!

Who knew George Strait was so young? I thought he was older. Didn’t know he was produced by Tony Brown. Met Tony with Buffett in McBride’s studio.

Turns out George Strait is 55. I just looked it up in the Wikipedia. I figured he’d be over 60. He’s playing "How ‘Bout Them Cowgirls"… It’s better live than on record. Then again, is he singing to tape too? What’s up with country? Haven’t they ever heard of Milli Vanilli? I’d have preferred "Give It Away"…but it turns out that was last year, #53 in his string of 55 number one singles.

One of these guys in Montgomery Gentry is way too good-looking. I hope they play, I like Montgomery Gentry.

Turns out "Give It Away" qualifies for this year’s awards. It just won Song of the Year. I’m down with that. You can’t hear it without having a smile on your face. Can’t believe I knew each and every nominated song.

This co-writer of "Give It Away" just thanked his ex-wife…and if you know the lyrics… And how did such a young ‘un end up writing with these two alta kachers?

Taylor Swift. Fuck, she’s singing to tape too. Wow, the vocal is MORE country than the record, betraying her roots. But who put her in that outfit? Too sexy for her age. And she’s overemoting. But I like this song, and I love Taylor Swift. Because there’s an honesty you never see in the songs of her eighteen year old counterparts on Top Forty.

This is really pretty bad. With the taped backup vocals. Phony. I’m disappointed. Someone needs to be shot. She looks like a junior version of Faith Hill. But she hasn’t grown into the role yet. That’s gonna take like another FIFTEEN YEARS!

What the FUCK is Jessica Simpson doing here?

Sara Evans… I wish she was singing "As If" as opposed to announcing/hosting.

Brad Paisley… Isn’t a marching band Kanye West’s effect? Works, but just barely. Still, I’d rather have seen a giant tick invade the arena as Brad played "Ticks" instead of "Online". He’s pretty good. I like his finger-picking guitar style. But this is a dumb novelty song. Not all of this is live. Good for country’s reputation. Can’t the industry respect itself? They think the audience can’t handle the honesty? Isn’t the music about HONESTY? Love the reference to the Mac in the lyrics…

I had to fast-forward, just like I switch satellite stations when this song comes on the radio. And the inclusion of Taylor Swift and Kellie Pickler is SUPERFLUOUS!

God, it’s one song after another. They’ve got this right. Neil Portnow, are you watching?

Alison Krauss… Where’s Robert?? What, he can’t find that confounded bridge? What a voice. If you’re out of the loop, start with Alison’s cover of "Baby, Now That I’ve Found You". This is the first song I don’t know, still, Alison’s great. How come none of the singer-songwriters in the rock world are as good as she is? Sure, Patty Griffin’s a great writer, but listen to this VOCAL!

Okay, enough of Sara Evans… She’s a terrible prompter reader.

Big & Rich… Good for giving props to Porter Wagoner. A throwaway song though… Great that these guys can fit in the country tent.

Rascal Flatts winning vocal group of the year. I’m down with that. Although this category was rich with nominations. Have you heard "Take Me There"? Listen to the LYRICS! God, none of them thanked God!

They threw in that Rodney Atkins was adopted? At least he’s singing. And he’s authentic. But he’s singing to tape.

That’s what I need. The star of an ABC TV show to cross-promote. But now I finally get Kate Walsh, she doesn’t translate in photos in magazines. She’s got a certain girl next door charisma.

Carrie Underwood. What, is she standing on top of a cake?

Wow, she’s doing a great job of singing this song.

This is the Mariah Carey number. With all the string players, it all says "important". Yeah, important to the recording industry. Did you see her hawking product in the Target ads? Yup, unique product. So, if you’re a fan you’ve got to buy the album TWO THOUSAND TIMES to get it all. Keep fucking the customer in the ass. Stop placating retailers and think of the fans. This is good, but I’m fast-forwarding. I’ve got months to burn out on this on the radio.

Vince Gill. Looking good! You’ve lost weight, you’re working out! Did you know that he started out in a late edition of Pure Prairie League?

The Eagles. Most of this is live. They’re not showing Steuart. Maybe this is ALL live. And you can tell the difference. This sounds completely different from so many of the previous performances. Glenn is coming across as very cool. The harmonies are great. Henley’s in good form. But this is not an A-level song. They’re showing Steuart, this IS live. This needs to be played faster, with some of the energy of Miranda Lambert. Ultimately a disappointment. If only they could have played a ballad. But even though they invented most of the music on this show, they’re still interlopers, they’ve got to play by the rules. How fucked up is it to own the biggest selling record of all time and have to play by the rules.

Another promotional appearance. Shit, they’d have been better off playing "Take It Easy".

Kate Walsh is going through the motions.

I realize they’re stars, but I don’t really get Brooks & Dunn. Wait, this performance is really good. What a voice. Are these right winger lyrics, or is this generic patriotism, heartland crap? God must be busy? I’m fast-forwarding.

Get Kate Walsh off of here. Let her go party on Sunset with her peeps.

Jason Aldean. You know it’s on tape from the first note. Set this up against the Eagles. But I like Jason… If this song is a hit, then country radio needs to reevaluate. Wait, I’ve heard this. The record is better. Still, it’s far from fantastic.

Jessica Simpson again… Oh, that’s right. She’s gone COUNTRY!

Jewel’s on with her boyfriend, with her assets pouring out. Love that she never got her teeth fixed. Whew, her boyfriend is a real shitkicker, with that deep Texas accent.

This chick from Sugarland is SO into having won. First winner thrilled and showing the proper emotion. Imagine meeting up with her in a bar. She’d tie you in a KNOT! And is that the stupidest hat of all time on Kristian? What, is he a BLOCKHEAD?

How come Dwight Yoakam can go hatless in movies, but not music? And, he can let the leather pants go.

Sugarland. Do you know this number? This is the kind of thing that made Janis Joplin so famous. I’d rather listen to stuff like this than the melisma of the popsters ANY DAY! This is killer. And totally live. With minimal accompaniment by Kristian Bush. A triumph.

Now let me get this straight. Isn’t this song written from the point of the view of the MISTRESS? That’s country. Christian and two-faced. Family values my ass. But, there a million women in the same position. A caveat. If they DO leave the other person for you, chances are they’ll leave you too…

I’ve seen this live. I want to fast-forward, but I can’t. My fingers won’t walk to the remote. She’s POSSESSED! It’s her year. There’s no hand in the air like Mariah, no chest-thump like Celine. The audience loves her. One record can make your career, put you over the top. Boy, Jennifer Nettles can really sing. A standing ovation. Wholly deserved.

Album of the Year. Okay, let someone else win. Could it be that the industry keeps honoring George Strait because he’s the only guy who can fit into the present country world who has links to the OLD ONE?

LeAnn Rimes… EAT SOMETHING!

Martina McBride. I know her, I’m leaving this alone. But, I will say she’s nailing the vocal. Standing ovation, you can’t argue with that.

Keith Urban. Oh fuck, he’s playing a ballad. I wanted one of his rockers. Still, he’s great. I feel good every time I play Keith Urban’s music. It’s not about looking cool, I don’t care that he’s a favorite of the chicks… There’s just something REAL about the sound. This is a good song and a good performance, but if only he opened with his live show opener, "Once In A Lifetime", the adrenaline would pump. did you know that Richard Marx co-wrote this hit, "Everybody"? Sounds like a Richard Marx song, doesn’t it?

Sheryl Crow looks younger every year.

What the fuck is the Horizon Award? It means you’ve truly arrived? Oh, I guess it’s the newcomer award. They just don’t want to give it the negative Best New Artist Grammy imprimatur.

I knew Taylor Swift would win this one. No matter how much success she has, something inside me still thinks she should be in school. She thanked God, make me puke. But she DID thank her family for moving to Nashville so she could make it. You know how many people don’t make it? You’ve got to have faith. This is the highlight of her senior year! Line of the night. I guess she’s still going to school…

LeAnn and Reba… Hey Kelly Clarkson! Ready to fire Narvel yet? He couldn’t even get you on this show? If you were represented by Irving you know you’d appear. Where the fuck is your leverage? It was YOUR duet with Reba that was all over country radio. And, while we’re at it, doesn’t Reba remind you of Howdy Doody?

LITTLE BIG TOWN!

Obviously there are time constraints, they cut the intro. THEY’RE playing live. If you want to hear the best Eagles song not on the Eagles album, go to http://myspace.com/littlebigtown and listen to the third track, "That’s Where I’ll Be".

Although "A Place To Land" is the new album, I recently downloaded the complete stiff first album. And there’s a track on there, "Don’t Waste My Time", that I played 28 times in a row. An album track…those are the ones we always love best. It’s about creating a body of work, so when someone discovers you, they can go back and revel in all your previous work. Like a teenager discovering Led Zeppelin.

I like Dierks Bentley. Wish he’d sung "Free and Easy (Down The Road I Go)".

Carrie Underwood… Oh, more God crap. God had NOTHING to do with it! Meanwhile Kelly Clarkson, maybe you should have hired CARRIE UNDERWOOD’S MANAGER! Okay, stop thanking people and get off the stage. Oops, not soon enough. You’re so proud to be in this FORMAT? Country music is a CALLING! Shoot this girl. Give her spot to Steve Earle.

Kenny Chesney… Who let you out of the house with those PANTS? Are you going to the Boy Scout dinner? You do need to get married.

I love Kenny, but this song is a hackneyed cheap shot. Life goes fast… Didn’t Harry Chapin nail this thirty years ago with "Cat’s In The Cradle"?

About two months after I burned out on this song, it made it to number one on country radio. That’s fucked up.

He should have played "Never Wanted Nothing More". But for TV, you need sentimentality. Don’t you have raucous live shows Kenny? I’m disappointed. I wanted the guy who rolls up his sleeves to come out and ROCK! Play "Don’t Blink" for rockers and they’ll puke.

Josh Turner… He’s got a better song than this, right? Oh, this is "Firecracker". Josh, you’re sentenced to twenty four hours straight of Miranda Lambert. She’s got it, you don’t.

Now I’m at where I tuned in earlier.

Kellie Pickler. A triumph. I always liked this song on the radio. But why is she crying? Turns out "I Wonder" is about her mother who abandoned her. Wow, to make it alone, without her…the tears are deserved. But I can’t find out if she wrote this…there are no credits on allmusic.com, nowhere on the Web…

I’m fast-forwarding to the end. Fuck Kid Rock.

Entertainer of the Year. This SHOULD be Kenny Chesney… Just check the grosses.

Yup, Kenny won.

Who’s he there with? His mother? Hate this song they’re playing. How about a ROCKER!

Let’s see what he says… Boy does he look like a dork. LOOK INTO THE CAMERA KENNY! Could it be that he’s nervous?

Talk about artist development…

And they’re letting him go on forever. There’s no playing off like on the Grammys. He’s kind of natural. It IS his mom… And…HE DIDN’T THANK GOD!

Kenny did it himself. Just imagine if he had God on his side. HA!