https://amzn.to/3lY50ZI

I reserved this book because it was constantly #1 in the “New York Times.”

And because of its title.

No one ever talks about the liberation of the death of a parent. The evaporation of judgment (not that it completely evaporates!) When do you get to be an adult, make up your own mind, make your own decisions? Some people never, they’re haunted by their parents until their own death.

My mother always told me I was not the one. And it wasn’t until I was deep into adulthood that I realized she hated men. Other than a very few, who were always attractive, who still might cross a line and be thrown on the scrapheap. But women? Any achievement, any good turn of fate and she’d laud it.

As for impressing my mother… It was almost impossible to do. And she was the ultimate arbiter. And if you disagreed…the blowback would be intense. I thought my mother knew everything, at least about the arts, until I went to college. As soon as I came home I learned to shut up, which she also didn’t like, because I couldn’t possibly know more than her, never mind have a different opinion.

But my mother was the straw who stirred the drink. Everybody loved her. And with the right personality you can be cutting, make jokes, and get away with it. Most people are dull and don’t know where to go or what to do, my mother provided direction, she led them, she provided the entertainment, she was the leader.

She was not like Jennette McCurdy’s mom, who traded on her looks. That was her calling card. Other than that she had no portfolio. So she dieted herself down to nothing but still felt unfulfilled, so she boosted her daughter’s career to have something to live for, she thought she lost her chance when she got married and had kids.

That’s what many people want. But if you want to test the limits, achieve riches and fame, you need very few encumbrances, very few obligations, because achievement takes all your time, and often doesn’t pay dividends for years, if not decades.

So I start to read the book and…

I wonder if this is just an inferior version of Tara Westover’s “Educated.” If you haven’t read that book, you should. It’s mind-blowing. But also about growing up in a Mormon household.

The picture Jennette paints of growing up in Garden Grove, California… In a small house owned by her mother’s parents, who ultimately move in. With little room, because Jennette’s mom is a hoarder. The kids sleep in the living room, not in the bedroom. And they eat meals on a plastic tarp laid down in said living room. And you’d better not drip on the carpet!

These people are poor. We don’t learn too much about the parents’ background, but they’re unskilled laborers, the father has two jobs, one in the kitchen design department at Home Depot, the other making cardboard cutouts for Hollywood Video… The grandfather works as a ticket-taker at Disneyland… There’s no MONEY! And the mother is constantly on the phone trying to forestall paying bills and…

So, Jennette’s mother Debra decides to imprint her dream upon her daughter, to become an actress.

And Debra is a force of nature. This is what most people don’t realize, how much effort it takes to have an opportunity, never mind make it. Debra rings the phone off the hook at managers’ and agents’ offices. And she’s always upgrading Jennette’s representation and…

She insists Jennette take dance class so her resumé will be enhanced. It’s a full time job for Jennette, and she’s just a kid. As for education? She’s homeschooled, all the kids are…you wonder what kind of education they ultimately get. You’re a child actor, you run out of roles and then you’re left by the side of the road without cash and skills and…

I thought that “I’m Glad My Mom Died” might just be one of those stories, child actor memoir. But it was more.

Jennette cannot say no to her mom. Because that’s how Jennette feels good, by satisfying her mom, making her smile. And if Jennette does the opposite… Her cancer-surviving mom disapproves, extremely.

“This thing in Mom drives me nuts. This thing where she yearns to be pitied. She’s got stage four cancer, she’s already plenty pitied. She doesn’t need to throw Wendy’s on top of it.”

Manipulative.

Debra recovered from bad cancer, she trades on it. Tells Jennette to tell casting directors about her mom’s history to gain an advantage. As for Wendy’s… When Jennette has money, and can pay for dinner anywhere, and Debra’s cancer has returned, her mom says Wendy’s is good. I certainly know people like this. They want to make you feel bad, for succeeding, for not properly acknowledging their situation.

So Jennette starts out as an extra. And it does not sound pretty. A lot of long days standing around in the heat.

And ultimately Jennette is cast in a costarring role in the Nickelodeon show “iCarly.”

I know “iCarly.” I’ve never seen it, but I follow the business. And I know it was a Dan Schneider show, the child actor become show creator who is now disgraced because of his abusive behavior.

And it sounds like a dream. And to a degree it is, the family’s bills can be paid.

But Jennette can’t shake her mother. Even when she moves out of the house, her mother ultimately moves in.

And Jennette is self-conscious about growing up, and when she confides this to her mother Debra leads her on the road to calorie-counting and anorexia, to make sure Jennette’s boobs don’t grow.

And Jennette likes this. Or thinks she does. She wants to forestall adulthood.

But then it arrives and she’s on a show for youngsters. She wants to grow up and she’s peddling this nonsense knowing it won’t lead to anything more.

Then she gets her own show and her costar is the upcoming Ariana Grande and Jennette is eclipsed and then…

Well you know the story.

Only you don’t.

Because ultimately Jennette gets off the hamster wheel. She quits acting. That’s right up front. You know that. But that’s not the way it usually goes down, most people are squeezed out. They try and try until they run out of cash and get a low-paying day job and become a laughingstock via pictures online, illustrating they’re no better than the rest of us.

Which they are not.

They’re told that fame is desirable, that it’s what everybody wants. Read “I’m Glad My Mom Died” and you will never allow your kid to be an actor. McCurdy keeps saying she missed out on growing up, making mistakes. And when she finally dips her toe into the romantic field… It’s very late with bad choices.

Kid actors are supposed to lose their virginity at 13 and start drinking shortly thereafter. Jennette ultimately does both, but almost a decade later, long after even the average person has experience.

And she finds her whackadoodle therapist online. You’d think she’d call one of her team for a recommendation. But does she even know to do this? Or maybe she’s embarrassed. And her eating disorder and drinking get ever worse and…

“I’m Glad My Mom Died” is not a highbrow book.

But I wondered how lowbrow, how much respect it was getting.

Well, it was reviewed in the “New York Times,” and that’s a big achievement, most books are not. And it was far from excoriated.

So do you need to read it?

Well, if you ever watched “iCarly” you should.

But if the above doesn’t interest you, intrigue you, forget it.

But if you have more questions than answers, wonder whether you’re doing it right, trying to shake off bad influences, wondering how to march forward.

I highly recommend “I’m Glad My Mom Died.”

Shinedown has the most number one “Billboard” Mainstream Rock Songs (18) in the history of the chart (40 years), and Brent Smith is the band’s lead singer. You might have no idea who he is, or have even heard Shinedown’s music, but I guarantee you’re going to find Brent and his story very interesting.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/brent-smith/id1316200737?i=1000601250030

https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/9ff4fb19-54d4-41ae-ae7a-8a6f8d3dafa8/episodes/d6a8ff8e-0fcf-4db8-8b5c-6cbe90fae77b/the-bob-lefsetz-podcast-brent-smith

https://www.stitcher.com/show/the-bob-lefsetz-podcast/episode/brent-smith-212240738

Some interesting things came across the transom today and I thought you’d be interested.

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Hi Bob

Thank you for the super insightful interview with Fred Rosen. As Fred mentioned at one point latterly in your interview, it appears that Ticketmaster’s most significant ongoing error (previous controversies aside) is its singular failure to communicate clearly to ticket buyers what value and practical benefits they are getting from what otherwise at first sight appear to be egregious service fees.

Even to both seasoned music industry professionals and concertgoers in the UK, I believe that there is a significant lack of awareness on this topic. To my mind there’s either something fundamentally wrong with Ticketmaster’s PR strategy. Or perhaps they’re now so powerful that they simply don’t care about public perception and are happy to be viewed as a “necessary evil”.

Speaking of egregious, I would love to hear your thoughts on the US Dept of Homeland Security’s proposed fee increases for O and P visa applications.

As the manager of a number of non-US bands, the proposed hike in P visa costs from US$460 to US$1,615 – a mere 250%! – will transform touring the US from being expensive to becoming impossible. One band I manage, Big Big Train, were initially set to tour North America for the first time ever in spring 2020. The pandemic put paid to that tour but we lost ca. US$10k in visa application costs which were unrecoverable. Post pandemic we have been dusting off our plans to play the USA (and Canada) but the hike in visa costs severely threatens the financial viability of the tour.

I completely get that DHS requires funding but US$1,615 per individual risks pricing the vast majority of non-US artists out of touring the States. Sure, if you’re the Rolling Stones, U2, Adele or Ed Sheeran, we’re just talking about visa application costs being a rounding error in the tour accounts. But for the 99% of mere mortal non-US musicians, these amounts are simply unaffordable. As such the US music market risks becoming more parochial. And surely local economies will suffer too if the proposals are enacted.

Has DHS really thought through the likely consequences of the cost increases properly? I suggest not!

Best wishes

Nick Shilton

Kingmaker Management

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I’ve been in a losing battle trying to convince people not to take Social Security until they hit 70, unless absolutely necessary, absolutely necessary.

Today the “Wall Street Journal” printed an article citing the statistics as to why you should wait until you are 70:

“The High Price Retirees Pay for Collecting Social Security Too Early – A study suggests that many retirees give up tens of thousands of dollars – Researchers found that almost 90% of workers age 45 to 62 would benefit by waiting until age 70 to collect Social Security.”: https://on.wsj.com/3SrMKEk

If you’re thinking of taking Social Security early, DEFINITELY read the above article.

For those click-averse (and that’s a free link above), let me quote a couple of relevant sections:

“A recent study, funded by the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta, finds that retirees often give up tens of thousands or even hundreds of thousands of dollars by taking Social Security benefits too early. That takes into account that if a retiree claims Social Security at age 70 instead of 62, the monthly benefit could be 76% higher, adjusted for inflation.

“The researchers looked at lifetime discretionary spending and determined that almost 90% of workers age 45 to 62 would benefit by waiting until age 70 to collect Social Security. Indeed, waiting would boost the typical worker’s median discretionary spending over a lifetime by $182,370, or around 10%.

“Yet less than 10% of retirees are likely to wait that long, the researchers said.”

“Another issue is that many retirees don’t account for the value of their Social Security benefits over a 30- or 40-year period, thinking they won’t live that long. Financial experts and even guidance on the Social Security website recommend that retirees use average death rates to estimate the value of their Social Security benefits and cash flow during retirement. But Prof. Kotlikoff says that ‘using averages is highly irresponsible.’

‘It’s more important to think about how long you could possibly live,’ he says, adding that Social Security becomes a lot more valuable if someone expects to live to 100 years old and maximizing benefit becomes even more essential.”

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The endless antisemitism conversation…

Noa Tishby wrote a necessary book re understanding Israel and the Palestinians entitled “Israel: A Simple Guide to the Most Misunderstood Country on Earth”: https://amzn.to/3lZrysU

Unfortunately, those who need to read it won’t. Tishby delineates the history of the land, from way back when, thousands of years ago, to today.

But like Tom Lehrer sang, “Everybody hates the Jews.”

Anyway, Tishby recently posted on TikTok re the Super Bowl, Kanye and antisemitism.

I’m not going to address Tishby’s point about Rihanna not singing songs that Kanye had a hand in, it’s what comes after that resonates, that what people need to hear. THE BLOWBACK!

Tishby calls it “Being online while Jewish.”

I certainly have experienced this.

You need to watch this video. It’s not a big commitment. And Tishby delivers the message with all the appropriate intense emotion.

https://bit.ly/41bRHoN 

RE: KIM CARNES/DON’T CALL IT LOVE

Hey, Bob. Thank you so much for your very kind words about “Don’t Call It Love.” You’ve given an old songwriter a big lift and I’m grateful.

Tom Snow

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Original Tom Snow version of “Don’t Call It Love”

YouTube: https://bit.ly/3YMY6oz

Hyperbolium

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Hi Bob,

You don’t know me personally, but after reading your Feb.15th letter I feel like you do. I was heavily involved in “Mistaken Identity” being the arranger on “Bette Davis Eyes”, “Mistaken Identity” and writing the music for “Draw Of The Cards.”

I wanted to give you a quick back story regarding “Don’t Call It Love”. EMI wanted that for the first single, but Kim was adamant about it being too commercial despite being the obvious choice. She felt it wan’t unique to her, instead wanting something that was more of a game changer and more in the direction she was seeking.

Jim Mazza, Gary Gersh, Don Grierson all complained that BDEyes was not suitable for a radio single: No chorus, no guitar solo, synth based etc., etc.. Kim went to EMI daily to plead her case and finally got EMI president Jim Mazza to acquiesce. Of course, the rest is history along with the execs applauding “their decision” to release “Bette Davis Eyes” as the first single.

I was fortunate in having a long time relationship with Kim (still hang with her and husband Dave today) in that she was always open to hear new ideas. I never thought she would like the music, but I played her the song that would become Draw Of The Cards and she along with Val Garay (producer) loved it. The result was a waltz that rocked. By the way, the laughing at the end is Kim’s husband Dave.

You are so right about memorable music. The home computer/studio opened the floodgates and the gate of talent required was removed. These days I rarely work in the studio unless I’m making music of merit (indie films) and also not expecting anything to become of it. I realize I am battling 2 fronts: Ageism and Public numbness. However that doesn’t stop me from getting together to work with old friends like Dann Rogers who I’ve known for decades and putting out some quality pieces of work. We just put out a song (Let Go and Be Still) and if anyone listens, that’s a bonus. Really can’t ask for anything more. The pleasure of creating is always there.

Best regards,
Bill Cuomo

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Should have been the 2nd single off that album as you’re right it was a hit song and he gave me a demo of it when I was buying his Yahama C5 piano. But she insisted it be “Draw Of The Cards” which I co-wrote with her and it was written about Josh Leo getting cancer and I said it was all in the draw of the cards and so the song was written.  Interesting insight Bob and yes Jerry’s solo was killer. He called it playing “Elephants” where he would play a tenor and alto sax together at the same time. 

Val Garay

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I can’t begin to tell you how happy I was to read your post about the song, “Don’t Call It Love”.

I spent most of my career as a song plugger and truth be told, you are only as good as the songs you pitch.

I was at Arista Music in 1984 when we acquired Dean Pitchford’s catalogue and I was put in charge of going through it and finding songs to pitch.

At my initial meeting with Dean, I told him how much I loved “Don’t Call It Love”. Knowing it had been cut a few times before I asked him what his “Christmas wish” was for it. He said immediately, Dolly Parton.  Challenge accepted.

I booked a trip to Nashville and played it in person for David Malloy, who was producing the next Dolly Parton album. He put it on hold immediately and was in the studio within weeks cutting the record.

In 1985, it was released as a single and reached number 3 on the Billboard country charts and awarded the grand prize for Song of The Year at BMI.

 

As a song plugger, one of my prouder moments.

Thanks for bringing attention to the song and the song writers!

Kindly

Judy Stakee

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I was a baby rock critic when Dolly had the hit… and it has that full stop heading into the chorus, which just grabbed you.

It took a few listeners to realize it WAS the song from MISTAKEN IDENTITY, which everyone I knew obsessed with after Kim Carnes opened for — I believe — James Taylor at Blossom. She was so cool, in her oversized tuxedo jacket, that smoky, salty voice just sandpapered down to raw emotion.

The cleaner synth track of Carnes’ track seemed poppier, but her vocal was delivered through (we thought) a lot of life.

Dolly’s version, once I figured out it was the same song,  was silkier, her voice a bit more rooted in the vibrato and the the full-on pledge. It was less fraught, more sweet.

Each woman, though, had iconic tone — and were able to be all-in and then some without sounding like a cliche, over-emoting or having that amyl nitrate/coked up enthusiasm.
AND you;re right about the sax solo, too.

and if you really wanna hear Carnes’ at her finest, a ballad called “Still Hold On.” WHOOOOOOwooooooooooWH!

Holly Gleason\
Nashville, TN

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I’m pretty sure my little brother’s finger[prints are
all over Kim’s album, most definitely Bette Davis Eyes.
FYI.

Jimmy Wachtel

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“Don’t Call it Love”

Yes, written by Tom Snow.

He wrote lots of great songs.

Had a few solo albums.

His first band was called ‘Country”

There was a song on there called “Sylvie”

Lowell George plays slide guitar on it.

Ta-da!

Marty Bender

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You forgot to mention that Kim Carnes didn’t write Bette Davis Eyes either.

Original version here:

Best Regards,
Zach Goode

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RE: FRED ROSEN PODCAST

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Wow Bob

Blown away by that interview and wish it went another couple hours!

I hope he writes some sort of book.  Hearing his perspective on the Pearl Jam fiasco, Dean Budnik’s book, Telecharge’s litany of bad business decisions, and how he ran TM… just wow.  It all just seems like a no-brainer now, but clearly here’s a guy who knows where the money is and how to make a deal, and then how to see the deal through.

I’m sure I could come up with better words to express how amazing that interview is, let’s just say that if Fred Rosen was as truly authentic during his time at Ticketmaster I certainly would have run through walls for him.

Not many in this biz inspire that kind of emotion in me that’s for sure!

Get him back for round two!

Cheers

Dan Millen

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How great to hear Fred‘s voice again.

Early in my career I was a Ticketmaster client in several markets, part of a number of Ticketron conversions, and never had a bad day using the service, striking new deals, getting data or payment or dealing with a smart, talented and diverse staff.

Later in my career, as a TM Vice-president (after Fred), we blazed new trails in Asia, cutting deals with global impact. Pound for pound probably the smartest group of people I’ve ever worked with.

Now, as an occasional consumer, but knowing all the history and backstories, I’m still amazed at the costs and machinations involved in selling a ticket.

Alan DeZon

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SPECTACULAR Interview!!!

Steve Gerardi

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Wow. Completely fascinating. I love hearing about the underbelly of the ticketing business. I’m no businessman but I was enthralled.

Russ Turk

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Great interview!

Kyle JF

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RE: SPRINGSTEEN TICKETS

Most of the third and fourth row behind the pit went unsold in Dallas. Even the $405 face value was too high for the folks who didn’t fall prey to the “platinum” pricing.

I bought a side-stage ticket with an amazing view from a scalper 45 minutes before the show for $20.

Charles McGarry

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RE: JACK ANTONOFF ON TOURING

As a former small market promoter, Mr. Goldsmith’s comments are spot on. 

 

As a former concert ticket buyer, the day the fees and parking exceeded the ticket price was the day I quit going to live events.

Add to that utter disregard for attendee safety shown recently by some artists in Festival settings and there is no way I’m going to or allowing my kids to go to such an event.

Allen Craft

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RE: DAVID CROSBY

Hi Bob

Here’s my David Crosby tale:

It was probably the late 80’s. I used to eat breakfast at Saul’s Deli (later Delmonico’s) on Ventura in Encino. I’d occasionally see David Crosby there doing the same with his wife. We’d exchange, ‘hi’s’ in passing. One morning, as I was walking by, he stopped me. HUH?! He gestured at a yellow, lined pad on the table in front of him containing scribbling, ’actually, my wife and I are having an argument about this song,’ he said, ‘I’m trying to finish it. Maybe you could help us out.’ I picked my teeth up off the floor and responded with an enthusiastic, ‘sure.’ He smiled and pointed at the paper, ‘she thinks it should be this. I think it should be the words of the hook.’ I read through the words and said, ‘well, being a songwriter (he’d never heard of me), I’m generally biased in favor of using the words in the hook.’ He smiled broadly and said, ‘me too!’He turned to his not-as broadly-smiling wife and chided, ‘there – TOLD you!’ We all laughed – nervously. The song eventually appeared on a solo album, but I remember no more than that – except the title was amazing. What writer’s percentage should I have requested?! But seriously, that throw-away moment for him has always been one of my favorite memories. R.I.P., David.

Best,

Manny Freiser 

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RE: THE SHANE MCNALLY ARTICLE

“New Musical ‘Shucked’ Headed To Broadway This Spring With Songs By Nashville Hitmakers Brandy Clark & Shane McAnally”: https://bit.ly/3xChUz7

Janet Richardson

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RE: FOX NEWS SCANDAL/DAVID MURPHY

Proves what point, Bob?  CNN’s news reporting isn’t inclined to cover Don Lemon’s idiotic remark (on CNN, of course) about women over 50 being past their prime, either.   Like people everywhere, news networks endeavor to protect their own reputations. Call it human nature.

Kevin Green

Washington, DC

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Note: 

“Don Lemon apologizes to CNN colleagues for sexist remarks: ‘I’m sorry that I said it’: https://cnn.it/3xD7KhC

By Oliver Darcy, CNN

Published 11:31 AM EST, Fri February 17, 2023

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Thanks for sharing. David is a smart man

Richard Carlson

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And your point?
The majority of the country agrees with him. Myself included.
I feel like we’re living in “All Along the Watchtower.”

Thanks,
Ernie Canadeo
Chairman and Founder
The EGC Group
egcgroup.com

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Note: My inbox does not concur. Criticism of Mr. Murphy’s opinions outnumbered those supporting them by a ratio of thirty to one.

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Your emails have been so spotty lately that I’ve relegated them to the “read last” group. The just published string of replies you’ve received from Mr Murphy, however, have given me hope. Going forward, if you’re to feel compelled to get political, please consult with him first.

Mark Terry

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You really should listen to this David Murphy..I don’t even know who he is, but he’s spot on.  Big disconnect that you’re trying to make an example him and yet you cant see it.

Funktion808

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Geez – thanks Bob.
You make me look pretty good here.

David Murphy