What If Roadies Ran The World?

The Sprint/Nextel merger looked good on paper.  But the attempted combination of two incompatible technologies eviscerated Nextel’s magic, and its draw, its push to talk feature used by blue collar workers moving the goods and performing the services of America.  Is there any way to save the company?

Many people believe Nextel should be spun off.  Until that point, Sprint is relying on advertising.  And what a doozy their spot is.

Doug Morris complains that everybody wants to make a buck on the back of the music business.  What I find even more interesting is that all the innovation arises outside the industry’s hallowed halls.  Guitar Hero didn’t come from Universal.  Nor did this spot.  You can make a record in five minutes, put it online in ten, but what is usually purveyed is the most hackneyed crap, made by committee for a market to the point where all its soul has been sapped.  Miss the new hit record and you’ve missed nothing.  Miss Nextel’s roadie commercial, and you’ve missed some good laughs.

I caught it during the World Series.  When I experienced that Chevy Chase/Christie Brinkley ad so many times, not only do I hope she remarries Peter, I cannot for the life of me remember what product they were hawking.  As for the ads behind home plate…  If Fox shouldn’t be ashamed of itself, Jim Carrey certainly should.  Who cares about his next flop movie?  As for the game itself, it started at 10 PM on the east coast!  You should have seen the fans, not only did they have on their beanies in the frigid weather, they were dozing off as the game neared its almost 2 A.M. completion time.

But the game itself, baseball, survives.  Despite MLB trying to kill it with these made for TV spectaculars, that leave kids asleep and out of it and offer tickets priced so high you’re surprised a blow job doesn’t come with each and every one.  When the Devil Rays’ manager created the five man infield in the ninth inning, I was stunned to experience something I’d never seen before, despite this being a game played by rules, unlike the calcified music game.

Yes, the Devil Rays lost.  They were the beneficiaries of a good call, but also the cold air kept one of their long balls from going into the stands…  It all seemed so much more fair when the Fall Classic was played during the first week of October.  But it was fun to watch, and the most memorable non-game moment was the Nextel ad, "What if roadies ran the world?"

Don’t complain that the actors are not as grizzled as real road dogs.  Just stay to the end, until the final laugh.

If only we had this creativity in the music world…

What’s Going On

Do you know the song "River Boulevard"?

Walking down the road this morning
The sun was in my eyes
The smell of the sweet sweet blossoms
Steppin’ through my mind
And I say

Isn’t it just a beautiful day
Isn’t it just a beautiful day

It’s the fourth song on the Pointer Sisters’ debut.  But it wasn’t an original, it was a cover of a song by Lamb.

I never purchased any of Lamb’s albums.  But I never forgot "River Boulevard".  They did a killer version in the Fillmore movie, the chronicle of the venue’s closing days that hit theatres in 1972.

It didn’t make the boxed set.  But last night, combing the Net, I found Lamb’s 1971 album, "Bring Out The Sun", and finally got to hear the original "River Boulevard".  Brought me right back.

To the point where I searched for the "Last Days" boxed set.

It came down via a screaming connection.  And when I started to play it, getting the titles right, I was brought right back to that afternoon in New York City, when I saw the film, and then purchased and listened to the boxed set, which was uneven, but contained a couple of killer numbers.

My favorite from the set was "Poppa Can Play".  Sons of Champlin never broke through, so Bill Champlin ended up joining Chicago.  But this number has the energy of…THE FILLMORE!  That’s what the venues were about, a vibe, an excitement.  It was about the power of music.  And when it became about the power of money, the acts moved on to arenas and Bill Graham closed his theatres.

An evening of music wasn’t about dancing, not about production, not even about hits.  It was akin to our parents going to hear the Philharmonic, but our music wasn’t dead, it was fully alive, freshly written by musicians following their muse more than the money.  The money came later.

But the best cut on the Fillmore "Last Days" boxed set is Santana’s cover of "In A Silent Way".  I got into this almost eight minute number by playing the boxed set discs over and over again.  I’d seen Miles Davis, but it took Santana to make me aware of the power of this number.

And loving Santana’s take so much, last night I downloaded the original Miles Davis classic.  With one track per album side.  With a band made up of Herbie Hancock, John McLaughlin, Tony Williams, Chick Corea, Joe Zawinul, Wayne Shorter and Dave Holland.  I was stunned.  This music was incomprehensible to me forty years ago, but now it cut like butter.  You could listen to it over and over again.  If I’d bought it back in the sixties, I probably would have.  But last night I didn’t even get all the way through it.  I was enraptured by these old Fillmore tracks.  I was downloading Derek and the Dominos "In Concert".  I was finally getting my own copy of the Blues Project’s "Projections".

I own the Fillmore boxed set.  It’s somewhere in my house.  But none of the other LPs mentioned above.  And you might castigate me for stealing them, but I’d never pay for them.  I didn’t pay for them years back, and I’m not about to now.  Not only because I’ve got a limited amount of money, but because I’ve got a limited amount of TIME!

You can only listen to one record at one time.  You can watch multiple television shows, but you can only listen to one record.  But today, everything is available, almost instantly, at your fingertips.  It’s a surfeit of wealth.

I downloaded that entire Lamb album.  I haven’t played anything but "River Boulevard".

I’m not gonna play every track on the Fillmore boxed set, certainly not more than once.  Because there’s so much other stuff I need to hear!

This is so different from the pre-Napster era.

Prior to Napster, I spent all my money on records.  But I still had very few.  And, since I’d invested in them, I played them!  That’s how I know every lick on the Fillmore boxed set.  I’d laid down my money, I had to get my money’s WORTH!

You sampled music on the radio.  But, even though you could flip between stations, you were exposed to very little.  And you bought even less of it. You knew songs by heart that you never owned.  And a big collection in the seventies was less than fifty albums.  Way less in most people’s case. Which is 500 tracks.  Kids today, barely pubescent, own THOUSANDS of tracks.  So, what do they listen to?

This is very important.  Here we have the huge disconnect.  You want to keep the construct of the album.  Not only the labels, but the old musos. The album is sacrosanct.  But the reason the album is sacrosanct is because you owned so few and played them INCESSANTLY!  At most, today, you play a track or two incessantly.

Do you really want to criticize the kids?  For grazing, only wanting to hear the very best?  Sure, they might not ever get to that delicious cut deep on side two, but there’s no longer a side two and albums aren’t ten cuts anymore either.  Just one long, over an hour collection with fifteen tracks. Longer than yesteryear’s criticized double albums.  It’s too much to digest.  Especially when there are more great tracks than you can listen to.

So we have two kinds of listeners.  Those who go vast and wide, and those who go narrow and deep.  And the former are winning in the marketplace.  You’ve got to cut a song so good people want to put it on their iPods.  If you’re planning on getting a non-fan to sit down with your overlong opus, playing it multiple times to understand it, you’re living in the sixties, and that was FORTY YEARS AGO!

We live in a track world.  Maybe because there’s been too much filler, not enough good albums.  But mostly because now people can pick and choose the very best tracks from the history of recorded music, and there’s a PLETHORA OF THEM!  You may not be able to buy Lamb’s "River Boulevard" on iTunes, but a ton of recorded history is there, and the obscurities can almost all be obtained for free, never mind the big hits.  In the old days, it was hard to find a record store that stocked the old records, now EVERYTHING’S available.  So why listen to the overhyped substandard new metal band when you can just go online and get AC/DC?

A few acts get traction, people want everything they’ve ever done.  But most acts can’t sell anything more than their hit(s), and then they’re forgotten.  And you can’t build a business atop these hits.  There’s no soul.  This is not the audience’s fault.  This would be like asking television viewers to stay with the network shows, watching them in real time, with all the commercials intact, not surfing, not watching the reality programs on cable, not firing up their DVRs or Hulu or…

One way to establish a career is to have a series of hit singles.  But even that won’t guarantee a string of sellout dates.  Mariah Carey can’t do multiples in arenas, but jam bands can sell out venues year in and year out, without hits, without any new recorded material.

It’s about fans.  And the fan bond is created on the road.  And it’s about the music, not the production.  And although good tracks will get people into the building, it’s more about word of mouth, people dragging their friends down to the hall, to experience the music washing over them, the secret society.  In other words, if you’re swinging for the fences in the old way, fighting the gatekeepers, you’re doing it THE HARD WAY!

Everybody’s looking for short cuts.  An instant road to fame and riches.  Fame is easy.  Just look at those bozos on the reality television shows.  But they’re not rich.  And their fame is fleeting.  And their fame is still pretty narrow, the reach of a television show is a fraction of what it was in the sixties and seventies.

This is a golden era for listeners.  They’re never going back to restrictions.  Music is plentiful, and if you don’t offer a cheap business proposition, all they want for a low price with no locks, they’re not going to be corralled, they’re going to go around the fence and get it their own way.  It’s like trying to keep a nation of drug addicts from shooting up.  They’ve experienced the magic of music, its entire history, they don’t want to be restricted, if held back, they rebel.  The key is to help the listener.  Not only give him what he wants, but point him to new stuff.  And this must be done with trust.  Kids reject radio because they consider the stations to be dishonest and the music to be crap.  They won’t listen to anyone they don’t trust.  And right now, they only trust their friends.

You’ve got to gain their trust.  You’ve got to establish detente with the audience.  Know your new music is competing not only against what’s on the chart, but the Beatles and Pink Floyd and Frank Sinatra.  It may be new, the singer may be young, but is she in the league of Joni Mitchell? Because Joni’s easily available online, and the Net says she’s the best.

I don’t even want to listen to the album.  Because that means I can’t surf through a ton of new music.  I don’t want to play your CD in the car, that means I can’t surf my way through satellite radio, discovering all kinds of new tracks on dozens of stations.  If I hear a great cut, I play it to death. Sometimes I explore deeper.  But oftentimes I wait until I stumble upon another great track by the same act.  My fandom might be only one song deep, which is why I don’t want to see you live.  Why?  To hear a ton of stuff I’m unfamiliar with?  I only want to see someone I’m a fan of, someone who enraptures me with all their music, and this is fewer acts than ever before.  A challenging environment for purveyors, I know.  But it’s reality.

Fat Girls and Weed

Well since Mary Jane met Jenny Craig
She’s got more to love, she never makes me beg
Take a sack of flour and a hit off my bong
She looks really good in that good thin thong
If I can’t drink her pretty I’m gonna smoke her thin
She’s my corn-fed baby with a double chin

There’s a song on the new Kenny Chesney album entitled "Ten With A Two".  Kenny’s gone on record that he lived this life when he was in college. His beer goggles fogging his vision, he woke up to find the girls he was with…wouldn’t be featured on any magazine covers.

I think this is cruel.  I’m surprised Kenny included this track on his album.  Which despite many complaining about its dour tone, I like very much. Because of its honesty.  But I couldn’t help thinking what Kenny’s audience would think of this relatively upbeat number.  They’re working in the bank all week, they put on their cowboy hat and boots, cover their beer roll with their t-shirt and pay good money to sing along and fantasize about one good night with their hero, who it turns out is going to make fun of them.

But Renegade Rail is not making fun of the obese.

What’s better?  To stand on the sidelines, waiting for someone thin and pretty enough to impress your friends or jumping into the action?  What’s more fun?  Going to dinner with a woman who picks at her food or sitting on the couch, eating pizza and drinking beer as you rub flesh, with no one in the room but the two of you?

What’s wrong with popular music is it no longer reflects real life.  It’s been so homogenized, made for a theoretical person who doesn’t exist, that no one can relate to it.  And who wants to sleep with Mariah Carey?  Who enlarged her breasts and dieted down to nothing to please a critical press that doesn’t buy her albums or pay for concert tickets anyway.

Can you look in the mirror and accept what you see?  Or do you need hair plugs and four hours a day in the gym?  Do you want to rub up against the coarse limbs of Madonna, touch her inflated cheeks, or hang with someone imperfect, but real?

Most guys would choose the latter.  They might say the former, but that’s only because they’re afraid of being laughed at by their friends, of breaking a societal taboo.

I was sitting at a light in Pacific Palisades pushing buttons on my XM receiver and I came across this track on X Country.  I immediately cracked up.

I don’t ask for much, I’m easy to please
There’s just two things that satisfy me

Fat girls and weed
That’s all I need
Well we’ve both got the munchies…

You know this guy.  The one who looks more like Kevin Smith than George Clooney.  He’s got no pretensions.  He’s not on the fast track.  He lives to get high.  Sometimes even at work.  He doesn’t exercise, he wants to relax, read his comic books and get laid.

If satellite radio survives, if the financial crisis doesn’t make it implode, it still won’t resemble the Top Forty of the sixties, even the eighties.  It’s a bunch of niches, appealing to everybody, but everybody isn’t listening.  Not needing to program for a psychographic profile, but playing what sounds good, stuff like Renegade Rail’s "Fat Girls and Weed" can sneak through.

Is it gonna be played on the "Today Show"?  Sung at the ballpark?  Used in a commercial?  Those are the criteria employed by the usual gatekeepers, to decide what’s going to be promoted.  But what about what sounds good at home?  What sounds good in the club?  You know if you heard "Fat Girls And Weed" in a bar, you’d raise your glass and sing along.  Putting your arm around your buddy, feeling the donut encasing the torso of the woman you just met as your belly jiggles over your belt.  You’re in it together.  And that’s what the human condition is about.  Facing the pain, the fury of every day life with your buds, laughing at the ridiculousness of the system, having a sense of humor.

Twenty years from now, no one will want to hear the Top Forty wonders of today.  But when "Fat Girls And Weed" comes on the radio, you’ll smile, just like you do when you hear the Toyes "Smoke Two Joints" today.

Another tape from Bin Laden to the Al Jazeer
Well the future looks dim and the end is near
We got fires and floods and hurricanes
It’s enough to drive a crazy man insane
Well I don’t ask for much, you know I’m easy to please
There’s just two things that satisfy me

Fat girls and weed
That’s all I need

Irving Calls

My head is spinning.

In a world where politicians won’t answer the questions, where anybody who goes on record speaks at the speed of a snail, Irving Azoff not only told me where he was going, but responded to all my concerns.

Where to begin.

He’s coming from the perspective of the artist.  He’s all about the artist.  It starts there.  Then the fan.  Then the money.  And the big plan?

Well, he insisted that the operation was called Ticketmaster ENTERTAINMENT!  Not just Ticketmaster.  Ticketing is a component of the operation, not the end all and be all.  He’s got no problem with Live Nation starting its own ticketing company, because Ticketmaster Entertainment is more about ducats, it’s about a PIPELINE!

This was the number one element Irving emphasized.  A conduit, with terminals located in a big box store as well as the Net, where acts, not only Frontline, and promoters and record labels can pump through product, whatever they want to sell.

He says he’s Switzerland.  That he’s not about playing one entity off against another, but moving this business forward.  He made sure I knew that this business "hangs on too long to old school traditions".

And I buy that.  Because Irving was talking Net before any other major player.  He was reachable instantly, by e-mail, when other fat cats were still having their missives printed out by their assistants.  And if you know Irving, no one works the phones better.  He’s reachable, he remembers, not only you but your prior conversations, and gets off very quickly, but then stays on at length at the oddest of times, just to prove you’re a buddy.  In other words HE’S NETWORKED!

Does he want to deliver music with tickets?  OF COURSE!  Does he insist on album-length opuses?  NO!  Does he believe ticket prices need to come down?  ABSOLUTELY!

He’s not going to militate, not going to insist it be his way, but wants to sit down with all the players and come to agreements.  And, if there is no consensus, he believes business can continue to function the way it always has.  Not that he wants it that way.

As for Front Line…  He wants to continue to sign new managers and their acts.  The company is already making money, so this is not a fantasy build-out.  And, he claims he is interested in breaking new artists.

What about the present Ticketmaster infrastructure?  Is it up to the task?  Is there any dead wood?  How the hell does he know, he hasn’t gotten inside the building yet!

It’s the irreverence that charms you.  And Irving is charming.  Akin to the way the guy you shared high school gym was.  Both going through the motions with contempt for the coach, with bigger plans in your heads and a bunch of laughs along the way.  This is not a man who hates the fans. This is a man who got rid of fan clubs because it pissed consumers off.  Went to the upscale package deal instead.  He once told me to cruise the boards, find someone pissed that they paid $250 to get a good seat, a laminate and a chance to go backstage and meet the band.  I couldn’t find a complainer.  People were THRILLED!  Because that’s what fans want, good seats and access!

And Irving wants to deliver it to them.  New products sold with new technology.  He doesn’t care if Q Prime uses his system.  Or Live Nation.  Or Universal Music.  He wants to build the pipeline for the future.  Open to everyone who wants to use it.

And he wants to have a lot of fun.  He’s already having fun.  You remember fun, don’t you?  When you lived to go to the gig, felt privileged to work in this business, when music was the most happening art form, when you needed to listen to the record to know which way the wind blew?

Those days are coming back.  If Irving has his way.

He says it’s a new Irving.  Forget the past.  Do I believe him?  Do you believe him?  We can debate that.  But one thing we can’t debate is Irving is the act’s number one champion.  No one has done more for acts than Irving Azoff.  It’s good to have him in power, as opposed to some spreadsheet-toting guy more about lifestyle than music.

Let the games begin!