"Live Nation to acquire Ticketmaster for $2.5 billion, plus $700 million in convenience charges."

I take it all back.

Too paranoid to have my bills paid automatically, not trusting my bank, the system, uptight about my money, I still pay my bills myself.  I like to look at the invoice.  You’d be stunned at the hidden charges you find.

Like AT&fuckingT.  They slammed me once.

Do you know what slamming is?  Bottom line, I switched to their long distance service, then canceled it the next day.  But they don’t cancel, they just bill you. Forseeminglyever.  Until going through the inordinate number of lines on your phone bill you find out you’re paying $8.95 a month for a service that you don’t need, because you’re buying it from someone else.  Try getting your money back?  It’s like being in a Freddie Prinze routine.  Endless hosannas of "It’s not MY job!"  That’s America.  You fight for reductions on principle, but then you give up.  It’s just not worth your time.  To wait on hold and then speak to someone more ignorant on the subject than you, and they WORK THERE!

And end up fucking up the change anyway.

Ever change your cell phone plan?  Turns out, if you do, your contract is extended. Well, there’s been such a hubbub, they stopped that practice.  Still, if you leave the country, if you go to an international plan temporarily, so you don’t lose your house paying your BlackBerry bill, they always say they’ll change your plan back, AUTOMATICALLY!  But they never do.

So I read the bills.

And I’m reading a bill from FedEx.  $13!  I don’t think I’ve gotten a bill that cheap from the overnight delivery service since the eighties.  But before I pay it, let me make sure the package was actually delivered.

I’m not a tracking nut.  Not with FedEx.  They never fuck up.  Not in my experience.  But I haven’t gotten my copier back, so maybe…

You can’t track the package from this invoice.  There’s a bunch of numbers, my account number, an invoice number, but none of them work on FedEx’s site.

So I call.  1-800-Go-FedEx, right?

And when I get the endless voice prompts, I keep saying "Operator", "Operator".  My voice so low, it’s like I’m the villain in a low budget horror movie.  As if I were so dumb that my question could be answered by a computer.  Finally, the canned chick realizes I don’t want her help and transfers me to a real person.

Who can’t help me either.  He can’t track my package.  And this is FedEx?

This makes no sense to me.  Just like the invoice itself.  $13?  I was quoted a price of over $30.  But I figured it was my lucky day.

It wasn’t.

Turns out the $13 was a "Weekly Service Charge".

Huh?

I shipped a package, now I’m gonna pay $50 a month for the privilege?

No, they’re gonna cut me a break.  They’ll just charge me an extra $13 every time I send something.

Well, this sucks.  Suddenly, what seems like a fair price is exorbitant.  I might have forgone the whole process and just purchased a new copier, or used the copy feature in my 3-in-1 HP that I got free for buying an Apple computer.

NOWHERE on the Website was this charge revealed.  I was on the phone with a "friendly" employee checking the price before I shipped…  She didn’t tell me either.

I feel abused.

When did this start?

With car rental companies.  The quoted price is really half the price of a rental.  Then hotels.  And Ticketmaster.  What kind of disease does our country have?  One of dishonesty?  I guess if Bill Clinton can lie about getting a blow job and Obama’s appointees can "forget" to pay their taxes, it’s all right for companies to rip us off, bill us extra charges after we’ve used their services.  It’s the American way, after all.

Or go to the doctor.  Lord only knows what the final bill will be.

Just tell me what I owe.

If you’re afraid I’m gonna balk, then your price is too high.  And maybe you deserve to go bankrupt.

Like this works in personal relationships.  Oh, HONEY!  I was faithful 364 nights this year, but one evening in Canada I shtupped a waitress.  It doesn’t count, you shouldn’t be upset, because if you read the prenup, which I was gonna have you sign, but didn’t, you’ll see that I’m entitled to one night of infidelity a year, as long as it happens on foreign soil.

Tell the wife to shrug and forget that one.

Or, it’s like the IRS suddenly wanting an extra five grand.  Because the country needs it. TELL ME FIRST!

But you can’t raise taxes.  That’s a dirty word.  So you just don’t fix the roads and find some other way to get the money from us.

We go to school and learn honesty.  We labor over math, getting finite answers.  Then we enter the real world and none of that applies.  I guess these companies figure we can’t do math.  And many Americans can’t.  Figuring the calculator in their cell phones will help them balance their checkbook after using their ATM card to buy tchotchkes they don’t need.

But almost nobody balances his checkbook, it’s too hard, it’s too time-consuming.

I paid the bill, but next time I’m using UPS.

Original article: FedEx

Sometimes fact-checking fucks you up.

I wanted to make sure that the U2 track was not in the iTunes Top 100, which it isn’t, but in doing further research, to make sure I was right, I searched on "Put On Your Boots" instead of "Get On Your Boots".

The track still IS available at the iTunes Store and it’s NOT in the iTunes Top 100.

So, you can see the effect their Grammy performance had on their sales…  NADA!

Meanwhile, while I’ve got your attention, at least those of you in the U.S., who believe you live in the greatest country in the world, with the best infrastructure and all the best services and features, I’ve got to hip you to Spotify.

My inbox started to fill up a couple of weeks ago.  Heads were exploding in the U.K., just like they did when SNL parodied Oprah’s car giveaway years back.  But I couldn’t check it out.  Because Spotify doesn’t work in the U.S.

Let me ask you…  If the companies are worldwide, if the Internet is worldwide, how come we can’t buy stuff from around the world?  Oh, that’s right, we’ve got to STEAL IT!  Because you need to ignore the future, you need to live in the past.

But Spotify is not the past.  Spotify is everything MySpace Music wished it were, and could be, if the guys who ran it and the major labels didn’t have their heads so far up their asses.

You see Spotify is a separate application.  That looks so similar to iTunes that you wonder if Apple has a look and feel lawsuit.  And it works just as well.  But you don’t have to buy anything!

Imagine an iTunes Store where you could instantly stream all the songs, but didn’t have to pay for them.

Well, not all the songs.  Some have been removed since Spotify was launched.  And, if you pay a small fee, you don’t get the ads…

Yes, I’ve experienced Spotify.  I got a special invitation that allows me to use the service in the U.S.

Holy fuck.

To think that the labels fought file-trading for ten years and decimated their business.  Why bother to steal when you can use Spotify?

Sure, you can’t take the songs with you.  But you can listen to anything you want, instantly, on your computer.

And, I don’t know how intrusive the ads are, my version is ad free.

And it works via P2P.  Yup, they wanted to kill the technology, saying it was evil.  But technology is not bad in and of itself, it’s just the utilization that may be bad or evil!

When Spotify hits the U.S., the story is going to be gargantuan.  Instant uptake will take place.  You see we’re moving towards the future, it’s almost here.

And when AT&T 3G is in more places, or the iPhone is available on Verizon, which has far superior 3G coverage, you’ll be able to stream your music to your iPhone, just like with Spotify, but on the go (everyone believes Apple has this technology ready to go).  You won’t NEED to own the music.  You won’t bother stealing it, because you can’t steal EVERYTHING!

The future is right around the corner.  Despite the rights-holders fighting it for years.  And it’s going to benefit the public AND them.

spotify

wiki/Spotify

________________________________

Original paragraph from "Tramdock", BEFORE erroneous fact-checking:

"Same deal with U2.  The band thought that it was immune to public opinion.  That it could will a hit single.  But despite opening the Grammy telecast, "Get On Your Boots" isn’t even in the iTunes Top 100."

P.S. The fact that I got the title wrong proves how unmemorable the U2 track truly is.  And, as for parading the lyrics on the screen behind the band during the Grammy telecast, that just evidenced Bono’s hubris.  Sometimes it pays to leave the lyric sheet out, it’s best to keep the public guessing.  Of course, this works best when the music itself is memorable.  Which, of course, is not the case with "Get On Your Boots".

"Holy crap. Your stuff just shipped."

I found Tramdock via EpicSki.com.  I found EpicSki.com via Google.

You could launch an expensive advertising campaign, buying space and time everywhere your agency can rip you off, but it probably won’t sell your product.  The nation has become immune to hype.

Look at Bruce Springsteen’s appearance at the Super Bowl.  In the wake of his show, he sold a grand total of 100,000 copies of his new album, "Working On A Dream".  98 million people watched the game, but almost none of them want the new album.  Bruce famously told Bob Costas that he was doing the Super Bowl because he had an album to sell.  A better strategy would have been to come up with one great track and hope that it spread virally online.

Same deal with U2.  The band thought that it was immune to public opinion.  That it could will a hit single.  But despite opening the Grammy telecast, "Put On Your Boots" isn’t even in the iTunes Top 100.  (Actually, sales were so poor, it’s been pulled from the store.)

What’s fascinating to me is both these acts NEED the success.  U2 NEEDS to be the biggest band in the world.  Last time around, they bought insurance by writing a ditty reminiscent of a classic hit and flogging it via not only an iPod commercial, but an iPod itself!  Where does the band go from here?  Does it go on the Disney Channel and perform with the Jonas Brothers in "Camp Rock 2"?  Nothing can sell the lame track they released, because the public has rejected it.  Just go online.  You’ll find out.

There’s an alternative culture in cyberspace.  Ironically, one larger than the mainstream world touted by big time media and most inside the D.C. beltway.  President Obama utilized the Internet to spread the word about his campaign and raise money, but two legendary artists are tone deaf to new media?

I found EpicSki.com because I was researching a new pair of skis.  We live in an information age.  You not only solicit your friends’ opinions, you do research, often exhaustive, to get the exact product you want.  Want to buy a TV?  I didn’t trust the salesman at Ken Crane’s, he was ignorant, too focused on his commission.  I studied the ratings on cnet.  I read the comments on Amazon.  I cross-referenced actual sales with comments on Amazon.  And what I found out was ten out of ten of the best-selling LCDs is a Samsung.  Are you really going to buy a Sony after that?  Especially when further research tells you that the glass is manufactured in a joint venture (Sony needing to pair up with Samsung to utilize their technology)?  I don’t trust those ads for TVs during sporting contests.  They’re stupid.  How can I see their picture is better when I’m watching on MY set?  And the fact that they’re authorized by the league…is there anybody unsophisticated enough to think this means anything other than an exchange of cash?

Turns out there was this one expert on EpicSki, named SierraJim.  He worked at a retail store in Northern California.  I read enough posts to learn that he was truly knowledgeable.  And he offered this information for free.  There was no sales pitch whatsoever.  So I checked out his store (http://www.sierraskis.com/).  And found incredible deals.  I told a friend and he purchased skis from this outlet.

But there was another retailer bitching on EpicSki.  Wondering how he could survive competing against Tramdock.

Huh?  What’s Tramdock?

I Googled it.  Ah, just another company selling remainders, the equivalent of the old record cutout.  But I always perused the cutout bin, I found more than a few gems, I plucked Move titles from the detritus.  Kinks records too.

So I bookmarked Tramdock.com.

And you do know that in most browsers you can create a list of bookmarks that you can open all at once?  I’ve got one entitled "Ski".  I put the Tramdock.com url in there, I started studying the offerings.

So frequently clothing.  And I’m not a clotheshorse.  Oftentimes last year’s skis.  But one day, I saw a Swix waxing iron.

Last spring, with the ski season done, I ironed my skis to seal their bases for the summer.  But my old steam iron, stolen from my mother in the sixties, almost melted my Volkls.  It was impossible to get the temperature right.

Should I buy this waxing iron?  The incentive is the price.  It’s sixty-odd percent off.

I didn’t.  Then realized my mistake.  If I was using a forty year old iron, what difference did it make if the new one I purchased was last year’s model?

I haunted Tramdock.com until the offer came up again, and then I laid my money down.

And I immediately received an e-mail confirmation that said "Get stoked – most items ship within 24 hours."  That’s how they talk on the hill.  But most e-commerce sites use the traditional phrases, vetted by attorneys to avoid any and all lawsuits.  These companies are not run by humans, but computers.  Just try to complain when you’ve got a problem.

And then, three hours later, came another e-mail.  With the above quote.  Yes, "Holy crap.  Your stuff just shipped."

Wasn’t I supposed to wait ten days for them to make money on my money?  They ship within twenty four hours?

But what truly sold me was the irreverence.  Real people work at Tramdock.com.  Or at least real people wrote the computer scripts.

Real people did not write the Grammy show.  You could have employed the same verbiage back in 1968.  As for the Jonas Brothers…  How do you build a business on teen idols?  Isn’t that like those one-off hi-def screens they sell at warehouse clubs?  With licensed legendary names, like Polaroid and Westinghouse?  Who do they think they’re fooling? And it appears only one low price independent will survive the squeeze, Vizio, if it survives at all.

Sony’s faltering?  That’s not hard to believe.  Its image sucks.  It’s not hip.

And neither is Bruce Springsteen.  Which is fine, if he owns his true identity and plays to the core.

If Tramdock were to advertise in "Newsweek", almost all of the money would be wasted.  And those skiers who saw the ad would be suspicious.  But when the site is vetted by others, and you have a good experience, you tell everybody you know.  This used to be the key to growth in the music business.  Before easy TV exposure created instant hit acts.

But those acts fell by the wayside.  Too many of the acts that remain are like Sony, thinking the landscape never changes.

Play to your core.  If you deserve to be bigger, your fans will spread the word.  And don’t be afraid of offending those not in the loop.  They don’t matter.

http://www.tramdock.com/

http://www.epicski.com/

(epicski just had a site redesign, in the interest of further monetization.  The regular inhabitants hate it.  To experience the old flavor, go to: http://www.epicski.com/forum/  However, trying to jazz up the site, they made it prettier, with less information on every page.  Sometimes utilitarian/industrial is just fine.  After all, as Apple has proven again and again, it’s about USABILITY!)