What did Ann Coulter say, you don’t attack down, you attack up?

When I got the e-mail from the reporter asking me if Taylor Swift’s new record was really about me, my temperature didn’t even rise.  Because I don’t think I’m that big a guy.  Howard Stern read my post on his radio show yesterday and claimed that he’d never even heard of me.  And if the King Of All Media doesn’t know who I am, how big can I be?

That’s the weird thing about fame.  You don’t know you’re famous.  At least I don’t think I’m famous.  Maybe Joe Walsh put it better, "Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed".

So I’m not gonna go to iTunes and buy the damn track, which Google tells me is available today.  And I go to YouTube and all I get is this publicity clip with a short snippet of the song. And then I Google harder and find the complete track and the lyrics.

And lo and behold, I’m wondering if that’s me in a Taylor Swift song.

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You, knock me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing
You, with your words like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I’m wounded
You, picking on the weaker man
Well you can take me down with just one single blow but you don’t know what you don’t know

Doesn’t sound like me.  Sounds like the famous guy all the online pundits are speculating about, John Mayer or…

But it could be me, I do work with words…

Then again, the chorus references some high school hick bully.  And I’m old enough to be Taylor Swift’s father:

Someday I’ll be living in a big old city and all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me and all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

Then:

You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You, pointing out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them

Boyfriends don’t switch sides.  And Taylor writes about boyfriends, not the high school maelstrom at large.  And I did go on praising Taylor Swift despite being inundated with e-mail from insiders that she couldn’t sing and then ultimately realized they were right and said so, but…

And you can read the rest of the lyrics.  And there are some that are clearly not me and some that could be and songs are always written in code with obscuring phrases to protect the guilty and…

Then again, didn’t I ultimately lead the charge about her vocal flaws after her Grammy appearance?:

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing but all you are is mean

And:

But nobody’s listening, washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

The number one way people describe my writings is "ranting".  So…
So…  Where does this leave us?

Well "Mean" isn’t quite "You’re So Vain" and I’m not quite Warren Beatty, not by a long shot. Then again, people thought the song was about Mick Jagger, when everybody on the inside knew that was wrong, hell, he even sang on it.  And only insiders would know who I am.

So here I am giving Taylor Swift the publicity she desires.  She won.

But she still can’t sing and isn’t it time to start acting like an adult?  To cast off the high school persona and fly as a woman instead of darting around like a little girl?  That’s what’s got everybody’s eyes rolling, her aw shucks/ohmygod! look when she strides onto the stage to earsplitting applause.

Taylor got to live out her adolescent fantasy.  Can she now be a woman singing about womanly issues?

I mean Joni Mitchell ultimately sang about the human condition, contemplating suicide in "Song For Sharon", is Taylor Swift gonna grow or keep on fighting these petty wars?

I get e-mail every day telling me I’m an asshole.  As a matter of fact, the same guy e-mails me every day to tell me I’m a shithead.  Let me see, he’s e-mailed me 295 times so far.  It goes with the territory.  Stick out your neck and people will bite it.  And just like Obama doesn’t waste time fighting the petty ignoramuses, I’m surprised that Taylor Swift would stoop to this level.

We don’t like to see celebrities bitch. They’re tearing Jennifer Aniston a new asshole every day online.  Does she complain?  No, she puts on a smile and ignores the carping.

Or let me put it differently.  Kenny Wayne Shepherd was cool when he was a teenager, same deal with Jonny Lang, but you ultimately grow up and either succeed as an adult, on adult terms, or you’re forgotten.

Taylor Swift captured the teen zeitgeist better than anyone in this century.  And the hooks in her songs made them catchy.  Her material was sincere and honest.

But she still can’t sing.

And if this song is really about me, I wish it were better.

The song:

Taylor Swift’s “Mean” Track & Lyrics are Released

The lyrics:

Mean Lyrics

Gene Simmons Targeted by Hackers

Original story here:

Gene Simmons gets kiss of death from notorious web forum

It used to be me, me, me.

Now it’s you, you, you.

Suddenly, you work for your customers, your fans, not the record company, not radio, not MTV, but the people who actually foot the bill.  Just ask Dell.  Trying to save money, the Texas computer company outsourced tech support to India and customer frustration was expressed online and the company has literally never recovered from the Dell Hell backlash.

I’m sick and tired of Gene Simmons saying musicians are only in it for the money and only being about the money himself.

Gene’s still living in the seventies.  When fans had no real access to stars.  The fact that Gene could not see the coming backlash to his comments illustrates that he’s just not as smart as he thinks he is, certainly not as informed.

I’m not condoning people taking down his sites.  I don’t condone illegal activity.  But just because there are laws that doesn’t eliminate lawless behavior.  You must use hands-free devices to speak on cell phones while driving in California, but out in the street you’re constantly confronted  by scofflaws yakking away as they slow down, go faster, weave from lane to lane and…

In other words, as we learned in law school, you might have the right, but do you have the power?

Gene’s got little power to shut down the hackers.  If he only realized you get ahead by getting in bed with your audience, treating them nicely.  I don’t know if Gene treated all those sexual conquests so well, whether they’re testifying as to his skills, but he had it right.  You go directly to your fans.  In the seventies, that meant sleeping with them.  In the twenty first century, that means being their virtual friend, giving them free goods and selling them exclusive merchandise that they’re dying to own.

Speaking of dying, instead of promoting the KISS Koffin or that bullshit bass, why don’t you sell virtual goods Gene?  What’s that adage, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em?  Instead of shutting down the haters, join in with the online lovers.  I doubt it’s KISS fans attacking your site.  It was dumb to antagonize those hackers.  Today you don’t worry about the haters, you placate the lovers!

Where are the virtual KISS outfits?  Fans would love to tend their online farms dressed as Gene and Paul.  Gene could even have a virtual KISS world, charging fans to dress up like him and speak with his avatar, which could be run by a lackey.  KISS could do virtual shows online.  Instead of trying to blast everybody into the past, Gene Simmons could make more money not only making peace with the present, but getting onboard and making money in the future.

The money’s there.  For those who build fanbases, maintain the lines of communication and treat each and every customer like he’s the last one you’ve got.

Wannabes know all this.  Only the oldsters are clueless.  Soon the wannabes will be players and the oldsters will be retired.  If you don’t want to be set out to the virtual pasture, stop fighting battles you can’t win and use the new tools to make a fortune.  The money’s there.  In excess of $2 billion in virtual goods in 2011:

U.S. Virtual-Goods Sales to Top $2 Billion in 2011, Report Says

Go get it!

As of this writing, http://www.genesimmons.com/ still does not load.

From: Mark Evans
Subject: Buy YouTube Hits URL

500,000 views $14,050 or .00911 — interesting to me because that’s almost exactly the performance royalty from Sound Exchange — so basically a wash!!

http://www.somanymp3s.com/services/youtube-plans/

Mark A. Evans
COO & SVP Creative/A&R
Dirtbag Music, Inc.

"For me, one of the film’s great scenes comes when Mr. Saverin is trying to persuade Mr. Zuckerberg to accept more advertising for Thefacebook. Mr. Zuckerberg won’t hear of it. ‘I mean it is time for the Web site to generate revenue,’ a frustrated Mr. Saverin says in the film.

‘Thefacebook is cool,’ responds Mr. Zuckerberg. ‘If we start installing pop-ups for Mountain Dew, it’s not going to… ‘

The dialogue ends there, but you get the point. Mr. Zuckerberg was exactly right – it was Facebook’s coolness that allowed it to overtake MySpace, which had a huge head start but became less cool with every ad it took. I have no idea if that exchange between the two men took place in real life, but it is one of the truest moments in the movie."

Capturing the Facebook Obsession

That’s from Joe Nocera’s column about "The Social Network" in yesterday’s "New York Times".  And that’s the essence of what’s hurting the mainstream music business, it’s just not cool.  Focusing on money first, there’s no heart, no genuine quality that bonds you to the acts.  You know they’re being purveyed by money-hungry fucks.  And you might want to go to dinner on their dime, but you don’t want to give them your money, not much of it anyway.

Don’t confuse this with the hip-hop ethos.  It’s almost as if the whole country believes it’s African-American.  The blacks have been second class citizens in the U.S. of A. from time immemorial, literally the beginning.  To see a former dope dealer triumph in the entertainment and business spheres made you want to thrust your arm in the air in appreciation.  Yes, Jay-Z beat the big boys at their own game, he got his. Same deal with Russell Simmons.  Then again, did they win relative to the real big boys, the bankers?

In order to make it and sustain in the music business, it can’t be about the money.

I know, I know, this is the last thing you want to hear.  But that’s why you’re never going to make it.  If you’re going to make it, it’s got to be about the obsession, the need to make it.  That’s what Mr. Nocera points out in his column.  Facebook may have been the Winklevoss twins’ idea, but they never would have made it successful.  They were obsessed with rowing, Mark Zuckerberg was obsessed with coding, with changing the world.

Are you obsessed with music?

And, if you are, do you own the musical equivalent of a Harvard degree? If I mention some obscure band from the seventies, do you know it? You’d be surprised how many successful young musicians do.  They know the history of the game.  You’ve got to know where you came from in order to make it today.

A huge desire to be rich and famous might get you a partnership with Dr. Luke and a Top Forty hit, but that success means less than it has in thirty years, and that paradigm is going in the wrong direction, it’s going to continue to mean less.

People are drawn to musicians.  Who write and play their own material. Who are original.  And the only way to gain traction with the audience is to make it about the money last.  You can make it about the money first, but then you’re MySpace, everybody’s talking about you today, but you’re a broke, laughable, has-been tomorrow.

You’ve got to be good.  And cool.  And then people will be dying to give you their money.  But you’ve got to look like you’re not in it for the money.

Neil Young LOVES money.  Just ask anybody who knows him.  He charges a fortune to go on the road.  He takes no sponsors, but the promoters who buy his tour do.  In other words, you can play Staples Center without being sponsored by Staples.

Don’t try to convince your audience that you deserve cash.  That’s a losing proposition.  Explain to me how that works again Paul McGuinness?  You’re rich as fuck, you’re a tax exile, and you’re complaining about Irish copyright laws?  Who in hell is going to be on your side, other than other rich fucks?

Oh, the record labels can rant and rave in the mainstream media, but it gets no traction with the audience.  Because the audience is in love with the music, not the labels.  And music has gotten better since Napster.  It’s only the mainstream crap that’s gotten worse.  Hell, like the Beatles sang, it’s getting better all the time!

Once the public is hooked, THEN you charge!  Labels can’t understand why music should be free first.  It’s got to be!  Because the audience is paying with its time, which is much more valuable than money.  And they’ll give it, if there are no hidden charges, no gotchas, no caveats.

People can understand if you’ve got to see Dave Matthews with 20,000 other people, he’s just that popular.  They’ll pay up to a hundred dollars for this.  But ask them to pay $1000 to see Dave with 2000 people and they’re turned off.  Suddenly, it’s about Dave making money.

Wow is this complicated.

But only if you’re an oldster.

The youngsters understand.

They’ve got no ongoing allegiance to a Website.  They’ll use it if they like it.  Abuse them and they’re gone.  Invent a better site and they’re gone.  If you’re greedy, they’re gone.  Because they’ve got options.

Maybe we had few options in the twentieth century, but there are a PLETHORA of options today!

Facebook was cool.  It didn’t launch everywhere in a day.  You wanted it and couldn’t get it.  And when you finally got it, it worked flawlessly.  The interface was seamless and page refreshes were fast and connecting with everybody you once knew was thrilling.  Where’s the money in that equation?  NOWHERE!

Of course, Facebook is trying to monetize now.  But it’s even easier in music.  You can sell so much stuff when you’ve made it.  Tickets, merchandise, special hopped-up album packages/vinyl.  By complaining about theft of recorded music in the advent of your career you’re so focused on today that you’re missing tomorrow!

Which is why the major labels are doomed.  They’re not even thinking about a year from now.  Imagine if Facebook whored itself out to everybody who wanted to make a deal today.  The site would be laden with ads, would make a fortune for a brief period of time, and in a year, everybody would be gone, on to the next thing.

Sound like the music business?

OF COURSE!

Rihanna went on the road and did shitty business.  Why go?  To keep her in the lifestyle we keep reading about on TMZ?

To make it and sustain you’ve got to leave money on the table.  Anybody who says something contrary has a very short term approach and should not be listened to, unless you too have a short term approach.

Now, more than ever before, in the information society your every career move is scrutinized.  Think before you take that check.  Of the cost to your career.  You don’t want the little money, you want the big money!

Terra Firma is suing Citibank saying it got ripped off in its purchase of EMI.  Would Terra Firma be bitching if it bought Facebook for six billion dollars?  No, they’d be popping champagne, Guy Hands would return to the mother country in order to be knighted by the Queen.  He’d be so fucking rich, he wouldn’t worry about the taxes.

Do you want to be that fucking rich?

Then stop thinking about the pennies and start thinking about the c-notes.  If you ask a girl to marry you on the first date, she’ll deem you a psycho and abandon you, if you dun someone, trying to get them to listen and buy your music moments after you’ve formed your band, they’ll reject you just as quickly.

We live in a whole new world.  The acts not making deals with major labels, building their tribes online, servicing them with free live tracks, not suing them but giving them all the tools to spread the word…they’re making it, they’re the future.

The old guard is the past.  No matter how much they protest, they’re history.  Do you want to go to a prostitute every night or have sex with your spouse?  It gets old if there’s no love.

There hasn’t been any love in the mainstream music business for quite a long time.  It’s about relationships, not one night stands.  It’s about music first, money second.  It’s about the fan, not your pocketbook.  And if you think otherwise, you’re not gonna make it, you’re certainly not going to have a career.