It’s mediocre.

This album should not have been produced by T-Bone Burnett, but Rick Rubin.  Rick is famous for getting his acts to get back into the headspace they inhabited when they did their best work and forcing them to write and write and write until they come up with material just as good as they composed in their heyday.  Where was the editor on "The Union"?  Where was the guy saying…HEY, WE DON’T HAVE THE TUNES!

Great concept.  I love both Elton and Leon.  Great that Elton is now about the music and not the hits.  But if you’re about the music, it’s got to be great.

I mean we endured all that buildup and the endless hype for THIS?

We knew mediocrity was in the offing when the first single was released.  Huh?  I don’t know anybody who liked it.

Today we only have time for great.  Forty years ago, when these acts broke, we’d buy the albums based on the rep, play them because we possessed nothing else, and ultimately know them.  Anybody who plays this record that much is either involved or related.  With so much music at our fingertips, why listen to this?

There are too many midtempo songs that you wait to go somewhere that don’t.

Sure, there are a couple of tracks that capture a bit of magic.  "Hey Ahab" for Elton, "A Dream Comes True" for Leon.  But there’s nothing close to their strongest work.  There’s no "Stranger In A Strange Land", never mind "A Song For You" or "Delta Lady".  If only Elton’s contribution yielded something as good as the obscure but great "Can I Put You On".

I remember dropping the needle on "Friends".  The title track hooked me immediately.  There’s not one track that hooked me on "The Union".

And the mainstream blather.  The reviews in every paper known to man.  How old school a selling technique for supposedly a breakthrough concept.

Wanna know a breakthrough concept?  Record an album so good that it has legs and sells itself!  Something that people hear and testify about, play for their friends.

I remember being at my next door neighbor’s hearing Mary Chapin Carpenter’s "Come On Come On".  I didn’t think I was interested,  I certainly wasn’t a fan.  But I was infected listening to this album in the background, I had to ask what it was, I had to get it and play it and play it and play it.

That’s not the experience anybody’s gonna have listening to "The Union".

First and foremost the material must be great.  This sounds exactly like the hype.  That they found a window when both performers were available, wrote the songs in two weeks and recorded them immediately.  I’m not saying that can’t work, maybe Elton did it that way in the old days.  But it doesn’t always work.  Not every date is a success.  You may have sex, but you don’t meet your soulmate.  Wasn’t there anybody in this process who could put up his hand and say WAIT A MINUTE, WE JUST DON’T HAVE THE MATERIAL!

Projects like this illustrate that classic rockers still live in the old world.  We don’t need an album, we don’t need fourteen so-so tracks, we need ONE PHENOMENAL ONE!

Elton’s burned his rep here.  We’re gonna be suspicious when he touts his next project.

This is how it works in the modern world.  Either you put out a limited amount of great material or you inundate your fans with a constant stream of stuff, let them investigate and judge it, separate the wheat from the chaff, extricate the nuggets.

DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE!  This album is a dud.

And today a dud is anything that’s not great.  Sorry, that’s the way it is, I don’t make the rules, the public does.  A public that’s inundated with diversion and only has time for the very best.

P.S. It’s not about the short term, but the long haul.  Otherwise, most YouTube clips would have a lifespan longer than a day.  It’s not about the initial hype, it’s not about the first week sales, it’s about the cumulative effect.  Don’t frontload your campaign, your project will be forgotten as quickly as last weekend’s movies.  No, now the game is to make something so good that it finds its own way in the marketplace, doesn’t instantly die but grows and grows over time.  Sure, Elton & Leon are touring this now, but wouldn’t it be better to put out an album that people want to hear six months or a year from now, when they’re truly fans of the music and not just curious because of the hype?

They’re all old guys!

While the music business is purveying ever younger acts, not only Justin Bieber, but Willow Smith, and so many are dazzled by twentysomething Mark Zuckerberg, the true king of the hill, Apple, America’s second most valuable company (behind Exxon Mobil!) is run by alta kachers!

Because you need experience to do something great.

Only in music do we think freshly minted human beings can come up with worthwhile material and throw those past thirty on the scrapheap.  And what Apple’s oldsters have come up with is positively dazzling.

How dazzling?

Steve Jobs was the weakest part of the presentation.  We’re getting a bit tired of the ultimate salesman persona, even though he’s so convincing, but the raw excitement in the voices of his troops demonstrating the new products was infectious.  I wanted to sit down at the desk and join in!  Which is exactly what people do at the Apple Store.

Not that I planned on writing anything about today’s presentation.  Until Phil Schiller entered a bookshelf in the new iPhoto, selected an item and a spotlight came down to feature it.

It’s the little things that count.
Thinking about the big money, we’ve lost sight of the fact that it’s the tiniest of things that bond us to our fans, our customers.

Like the letter press cards.  There’s a whole video of how they’re made.  And what did I think of watching them?  GASOLINE ALLEY!

For those too young, back in the days of vinyl records, the packaging was an experience.  Today you get almost nothing with a CD and vinyl is so overpriced as to be a rip-off.  iLife comes free with a new computer? The music industry wants nothing to be free.  You’ve got to pay to park at the venue even if you arrive by public transportation.

Anyway, the second Rod Stewart album came with an embossed cover.  You could feel the cobblestones in the pavement on the front.  You could feel Rod’s rooster haircut on the back.

This was cool.  It made me into a superfan.  I bought a poster.  I went to see him live BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE EVEN KNEW WHO HE WAS and I’m telling you about it FORTY YEARS LATER!

Funny in an era where you have a hit today and are forgotten tomorrow.

And we keep hearing how Guitar Hero wasn’t about real playing.  Well, they’ve now got lessons in GarageBand, and not only can you learn, but you can be evaluated!  And anybody can afford a portable keyboard.  And I wouldn’t expect just anybody to be good, there’s no substitute for practice, but Apple is making creative tools available to everybody.

Which anybody in charge of creativity in the past decries.

Have you seen that video going around online?  From 1980?  With Clive Davis doubting the viability of music video?  MUSIC VIDEO SAVED THE MUSIC INDUSTRY!

And all this cheap, time-saving Apple software is going to help reinvigorate creativity.  You no longer need a deep pocket to make a record or a movie.  You can do something pretty professional yourself.  Yes, once again, the fact that you have access to the tools doesn’t mean what you create will be good, but society is not made up of 100% doctors or 100% sanitation engineers, people have a cornucopia of professions, but now that these tools are available, those with a burning desire to create will not be held back.

There are so many more cool things.  The trailers in iMovie alone make you want to go on vacation and shoot video just to be able to create a trailer to show to your friends.

And it’s great to be able to e-mail pictures directly from iPhoto.

And the manipulation of audio in iPhoto is staggering and the ability to lock everybody to the same human rhythm in GarageBand is equally jaw-dropping.

Apple provides tools.  That make the company rich, but truly produce a better society.  You can hate the computer company, but as the statistics in today’s presentation illustrate, the tide is against you.

But the reason I’m writing this isn’t to trumpet Apple, they don’t need my kudos, the products speak for themselves, but to tell you it’s about dreams, creativity and execution.  Apple is can do, not cannot.  I’m hooked to the point where I dedicated ninety minutes to watching what some might call a commercial.  And when some of these features were introduced I got that tingle, the same as I got when I not only felt the cover of "Gasoline Alley", but dropped the needle on the title track, the opening cut.  The sound!  That voice!  It was like nothing else.

Apple is like nothing else and what you sell needs to be too.  It’s got to be unique and great, created after years of hard practice.  And love.

We love our music.  We don’t really love our iPads or iPhones or Macs.  Like I said, they’re just tools.  But they enrich our lives, allow us to become better people, enable us to listen to all our music on the go.  And yes, a lot of that might be stolen, but if you think this is bad, believe that we should go back to the past of limited access, you hate people.  Why hold back music from people?  It’s the most powerful art form in the world! Enable them to access it, charge them for it, don’t castigate them.  Apple is constantly looking to the future, are you?

Nine year old Willow Smith on the hard work it took to make it

2020 report on music video from 1980 (Clive comes in around 7:20)

"Nobody knows anything."  That’s what screenwriter William Goldman famously said about the movie business.

No aphorism could be more true about today’s music business.  I asked everybody I came in contact with what brought 3,700 people out to see this band last night.

Maybe they’d paid their dues.  From the Hotel Cafe to the Troubadour to the Music Box to here.

Maybe it was word of mouth.  After all, you can hear everything online for free.

Maybe it was radio.  KROQ was playing the track.

Once upon a time, Daniel Glass was the king of disco.  A deejay turned promo man, he made a name for himself at Chrysalis, and after tenures at SBK and Rising Tide and Artemis, he went indie.  Oh, he went indie once before, but that was when you did so in between big gigs.  This time, it was for real.

And what did Daniel learn at Artemis?  What a real artist was.  Hanging with Jackson Browne and Warren Zevon and Rickie Lee Jones and all of Danny Goldberg’s oldsters, Daniel learned how to truly spot talent.  You get a vibe, a feeling.  Like when he saw Mumford & Sons.

Another one of his acts told Daniel to check the band out.  They were on Universal in the rest of the world, but Mumford & Sons signed with Daniel for North America.  Because they could tell he believed.

Not that anybody else did.

YOU’RE GONNA PUT A BANJO ON THE COVER??

Daniel told his distributor not to complain, or he’d make it BIGGER!

The big track had "fuck" in it?  Daniel flew personally to Wal-Mart to plead the act’s case.  He said the use of the word wasn’t scatological, don’t we all fuck things up sometime?

They bought it.  They stocked the album.

And that’s what it takes these days.  Passion and commitment.  Sure, relationships are key, but they’re no longer enough.  You’ve got to believe.  To the point where other people become infected by your religion.

That’s how I got into Mumford.  I kept hearing people testifying how great they were.  People with no attachment to the act, who heard their music and effused.

What can you say about a band with a standup bass, a banjo and no drummer?  That they sound like nothing else?

Whilst Top Forty wannabes yearn to sound like the crowd, so they can get on the radio and get famous and garner some cash, real musicians run from that paradigm.  If you’re not making it up for yourself, if you’re not original, you’ve got no chance of truly winning hearts.  And Mumford has won hearts.

Nobody wandered off to the bathroom, nobody talked when they played new material.  Which was both different and in some ways better than what’s already been released.  Growth, what a concept!

And you expect everybody to know the hit.  But singing along to the album tracks?

There was a lighting array behind the band, but this show was really about the music.

If you’re a twentysomething you know the classic rock acts, but they’re touring on their past achievements.  They’ve stopped taking chances, have become calcified, you can admire their work, you just can’t be tantalized by it, made to feel alive, like there’s no other place you’d rather be than in the audience having their music wash over you.  Knowing this is not the end of the movie, but the beginning, that there is great new music to come.

That’s what this summer told us.  That people are sick of the oldsters and the poseurs, they want something real.  Deliver something great at a reasonable price and people will show up in droves.  Hell, people would have overpaid just to be in the building!

Remember when you had to be there?  That’s how it was at the Palladium last night.

I tweeted I was there and the response was overwhelming.  From those who were there and swooned and those who were fans but just couldn’t get a ticket.

Yes, Mumford is underplaying the market.  It’s not about getting all the money today, but establishing your career, making magical moments, there’s plenty of time to reap dough tomorrow.

Mumford & Sons’ music sounds authentic.  There are no synths, no manufactured beats.  It sounds like life.  And last time I checked, we’re all human.  Don’t you want something to touch your heart and soul?  Great times are ahead.  Acts like Mumford & Sons are leading the way. There are no rules.  Practice, innovate, shoot for the stars. Do it your own way.  Know that the audience is ready.  Nothing touches people like music, no movie, no TV show, no Facebook wall.  Get it right and people will bond to you forever.  Mumford & Sons came to play last night. And so did the audience.  It’s not about show, it’s about communion, a relationship.  The band wore no outfits, performed no stunts, they just played music.  And that was enough.  More than enough.  Because it’s not about what you see, but what you hear.

And feel.

I felt I was someplace special last night.  At the intersection of what once was and what is gonna be.  Rather than be afraid, walk back to what I know, I decided to put my belongings over my shoulder and walk into the future with a younger generation that is not envious of what we built, but is eager to go its own way.

I’m walking down this new road in wonderment of the riches towering over me.

Oh, how great it is to be alive.

What did Ann Coulter say, you don’t attack down, you attack up?

When I got the e-mail from the reporter asking me if Taylor Swift’s new record was really about me, my temperature didn’t even rise.  Because I don’t think I’m that big a guy.  Howard Stern read my post on his radio show yesterday and claimed that he’d never even heard of me.  And if the King Of All Media doesn’t know who I am, how big can I be?

That’s the weird thing about fame.  You don’t know you’re famous.  At least I don’t think I’m famous.  Maybe Joe Walsh put it better, "Everybody’s so different, I haven’t changed".

So I’m not gonna go to iTunes and buy the damn track, which Google tells me is available today.  And I go to YouTube and all I get is this publicity clip with a short snippet of the song. And then I Google harder and find the complete track and the lyrics.

And lo and behold, I’m wondering if that’s me in a Taylor Swift song.

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You, knock me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing
You, with your words like nails on a chalk board, calling me out when I’m wounded
You, picking on the weaker man
Well you can take me down with just one single blow but you don’t know what you don’t know

Doesn’t sound like me.  Sounds like the famous guy all the online pundits are speculating about, John Mayer or…

But it could be me, I do work with words…

Then again, the chorus references some high school hick bully.  And I’m old enough to be Taylor Swift’s father:

Someday I’ll be living in a big old city and all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me and all you’re ever gonna be is mean
Why you gotta be so mean?

Then:

You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation
You, pointing out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them

Boyfriends don’t switch sides.  And Taylor writes about boyfriends, not the high school maelstrom at large.  And I did go on praising Taylor Swift despite being inundated with e-mail from insiders that she couldn’t sing and then ultimately realized they were right and said so, but…

And you can read the rest of the lyrics.  And there are some that are clearly not me and some that could be and songs are always written in code with obscuring phrases to protect the guilty and…

Then again, didn’t I ultimately lead the charge about her vocal flaws after her Grammy appearance?:

Drunk and grumbling on about how I can’t sing but all you are is mean

And:

But nobody’s listening, washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things

The number one way people describe my writings is "ranting".  So…
So…  Where does this leave us?

Well "Mean" isn’t quite "You’re So Vain" and I’m not quite Warren Beatty, not by a long shot. Then again, people thought the song was about Mick Jagger, when everybody on the inside knew that was wrong, hell, he even sang on it.  And only insiders would know who I am.

So here I am giving Taylor Swift the publicity she desires.  She won.

But she still can’t sing and isn’t it time to start acting like an adult?  To cast off the high school persona and fly as a woman instead of darting around like a little girl?  That’s what’s got everybody’s eyes rolling, her aw shucks/ohmygod! look when she strides onto the stage to earsplitting applause.

Taylor got to live out her adolescent fantasy.  Can she now be a woman singing about womanly issues?

I mean Joni Mitchell ultimately sang about the human condition, contemplating suicide in "Song For Sharon", is Taylor Swift gonna grow or keep on fighting these petty wars?

I get e-mail every day telling me I’m an asshole.  As a matter of fact, the same guy e-mails me every day to tell me I’m a shithead.  Let me see, he’s e-mailed me 295 times so far.  It goes with the territory.  Stick out your neck and people will bite it.  And just like Obama doesn’t waste time fighting the petty ignoramuses, I’m surprised that Taylor Swift would stoop to this level.

We don’t like to see celebrities bitch. They’re tearing Jennifer Aniston a new asshole every day online.  Does she complain?  No, she puts on a smile and ignores the carping.

Or let me put it differently.  Kenny Wayne Shepherd was cool when he was a teenager, same deal with Jonny Lang, but you ultimately grow up and either succeed as an adult, on adult terms, or you’re forgotten.

Taylor Swift captured the teen zeitgeist better than anyone in this century.  And the hooks in her songs made them catchy.  Her material was sincere and honest.

But she still can’t sing.

And if this song is really about me, I wish it were better.

The song:

Taylor Swift’s “Mean” Track & Lyrics are Released

The lyrics:

Mean Lyrics