How many ways do I hate Adam Levine?

First and foremost it’s the tattoos. Not so much that he’s got them, but that he has to constantly show them off, his sleeves are rolled up in every pic, even if the rest of his band are cuffed right down to the wrist. Hey, want to make a ton of money in the future? Run a tattoo removal or touch-up place, you’re gonna make millions!

And then he went on that show "The Voice". What a piece of shit that is. You want to know the defining characteristic? Not a single act from any of the worldwide shows has broken through. Hell, they even had to cancel the U.K. tour last week. I mean where’s your dignity man…

And you worked with Mutt Lange and ended up with a stiff album? I don’t quite know who to blame here, used to be Mutt wouldn’t let you out of the studio without a double platinum smash. Either he’s lost his touch or you didn’t bring the goods.

And then you come back with a mindless gutter ball called "Moves Like Jagger"? What comes next, "Emote like Bono"? Or "Dance Like Jackson"?

But no, Adam Levine and his bunch of pussies known as Maroon 5 didn’t continue on that tip. Instead, they abandoned the credibility ship entirely and threw in with the hitmakers, the usual suspects, and they’ve come up with a track so good I think I’m gonna give up the credible crap and only listen to Top Forty from now on, because that’s where all the good stuff is. The old farts may be self-satisfied, but the little girls understand.

In other words, "Payphone" is a stone cold smash.

Not that I’d even heard it until today. I’ve been avoiding this crap. Like so many in my age group, like so many holier-than-thou Gen-X’ers. But those with children… They’ve been inundated with this stuff. Like the TV agent I spoke with last week, his kids sing along in the car and ask him "Daddy, what’s a payphone?"

But it doesn’t really matter. Just like Wiz Khalifa’s rap in the middle, a blundering blast of posturing that doesn’t always make sense that fits not a whit the rest of the song… But his voice is like a musical instrument, it works that way.

And sure, the track’s got the groove of the rest of the Top Forty, but when the music breaks down and you hear Adam emote it will kill you…

You turned your back on tomorrow
‘Cause you forgot yesterday
I gave you my love to borrow
But you just gave it away
You can’t expect me to be fine
I don’t expect you to care
I know I’ve said it before
But all of our bridges burned down

Whew!

"You turned your back on tomorrow"… I’ve never heard it said quite that way. What a great concept, I can even see it visually, this is where music triumphs, these short turns of words, these aphorisms that enter our hearts and brains and never leave.

"I gave you my love to borrow"… Ain’t that the way it always is. We live in a state of impermanence, but what we truly want is a guarantee…unfortunately those don’t exist in love.

"You can’t expect me to be fine"… Sung by a male! Fake macho posturing has infected not only the Top Forty but our entire culture. Sensitivity has gone out the window. But here it is, in this "mindless ditty"… Men hurt in breakups too. Oftentimes worse and far longer than women.

I’ve wasted my nights
You turned out the lights
Now I’m paralyzed
Still stuck in that time when we called it love
But even the sun sets in paradise

Don Henley asked the question best, was it all just wasted time? And why do we have to hurt so bad when it’s over. And the concept of the sun setting in paradise… Sounds so simple, but I’ve never ever heard it put that way before!

If happy ever after did exist
I would still be holding you like this
All those fairy tales are full of shit
One more fucking love song I’ll be sick

This is fantastic! The profanity and the concepts. The profanity adds an edge to the sappiness, adds some testosterone to the singer’s story, brings the narrative right into the real world, where we all talk like this. And when you’re down and depressed, paralyzed in a breakup, you can’t listen to music at all, you’re sick of upbeat optimism, all you want is to forget her…or get her back.

And the reason I’m focusing on the lyrics is I can’t delineate the magic of the music quite so easily. That’s the essence of music. You feel it, you can’t describe it. But this song is bouncy and catchy and it makes you feel good and you can’t wait to hear it all over again, which is why you buy it, the same way we bought 45s and played them until they turned gray.

Yes, we live in a singles world. The more we hear the old fogeys complain the more they fail to realize they’re being left behind. Today there’s a mainstream and everything else. And almost everything else is marginal. Sure, if you had success once upon a time, if you had traction in the classic rock era or the heyday of MTV, you can still do business. But if you’re a new act not making Top Forty music today, your ascension is going to go so slow you could do an endorsement deal with molasses.

And the reason I got hooked is because I heard Adam and the boys on Howard Stern this morning. Howard kept pressing Adam about his love life, which he’d cough up very little about. But Adam did say times were different. NBA hotels are filled with groupies. Their hotels are empty. Because the NBA players have all the money and to a great extent they’re more free than the musicians. This is canned music. But it’s done so well.

We’ve become unmoored. Everything you think you know is wrong. Just like Live Nation missed EDM adults don’t see we now live in a Top Forty world and what will come down the line is an outgrowth of it as opposed to the opposite. You see the outsiders are too often sour grapes. Hell, consider this a challenge. Make your music as catchy as "Payphone", then you’ll have a chance, then you’ll grow an audience.

So after a live rendition of the Beatles’ "Yesterday", which I wanted to hate but Maroon 5 did so well, Howard spun the single.

It only took one listen. "Payphone" is a hit!

Spotify-Payphone

YouTube-Payphone

Speaking truth to stupid.

I never watched "West Wing". I did religiously view "Sports Night", but it was never as good as the critics claimed. But then I went to see "Social Network" and I became an Aaron Sorkin fan. In a dumbed-down world where I have to spell out everything I say I could barely keep up with the dialogue. Sorkin was assuming I was smart. And no one’s done that for a very long time.

The critics might kill "Newsroom". Along with the PR department of HBO. The problem is these old wave companies still think it’s the nineties, that if they employ carpet bomb publicity we’ll all pay attention and drink from the trough. As if we are as dumb as all the dialogue in "Newsroom" says we are. I almost didn’t watch this show. Because every review said it was so-so.

It is.

But that’s missing the point.

Entertainment, when done right, is all about emotion. That’s what’s wrong with so much of the paint-by-numbers Top Forty. Yes, you can employ Max Martin and Dr. Luke, drop the rapper du jour in the middle, but that doesn’t mean we’ll feel anything. This perfect on paper production slides right off of us, doesn’t even give us a paper cut. It’s meaningless. For a meaningless society where everybody has to wear a helmet and if you speak the truth you get sued.

Meanwhile, blowhards pontificate on TV and radio all about our freedom. How we live in the greatest country in the world. And if you raise your voice and say something to the contrary you become a pariah, even your friends abandon you, because first and foremost you must be liked. It’s like our whole country has become the Yankees, an overly ripe, overly rich team which tolerates no dissension and frequently plays well but never wins the big one. Because to win big, you’ve got to question, you’ve got to be an outlier, you’ve got to look for the little things that make a difference.

Like talent.

Aaron Sorkin’s got it. Bristol Palin does not. Nor do the Kardashians. But we’ve come to believe our country is about gossip and food. That the highest art form is plating something made by a celebrity chef. We follow food trucks on Twitter, then again, at least we can line up and get fed, whereas the rich twats scarf up all the good concert tickets. We live in a two tier society. And nowhere is that more evident than with HBO. Either you subscribe or you don’t.

But that’s not really a problem. Because do something right with a small audience and it affects everything else. Sure, TV is populated by nitwit reality shows, but when outlets choose drama it’s in HBO’s image. It’s about story. It’s not conventional. Whether it be "Breaking Bad" or even "The Good Wife". Story is paramount on TV. And it’s seemingly irrelevant in movies.

Movies are truly made for the ignorant. The twelve year old boys who’ll overpay to get out from under their parents’ hair. And we’ve got a whole industry of elder people beholden to these young ‘uns. And it’s no different in music. The kids rule. We don’t want smart, but dumb.

And it’s all about the penumbra. The sound in music, the visuals in film. Well, Woody Allen taught us long ago a flick could be shot fast and flat and still triumph if the story was good enough. The "Newsroom" story is good enough.

You see no one even watches the news anymore. For all the bloviating about it, the ratings are positively abysmal, especially on network. As for cable…that’s just entrenched ideologues yelling at each other. We get our news from the Internet. And it’s only the news that appeals to us. Drudge if we’re right, Huffington Post if we’re left.

Then again, if you trust Arianna Huffington you probably fall for that joke where someone steals your nose with their fingers. She’s all about the money. Our whole country is about the money. What’s right, what’s smart, doubling down and fighting for change…that’s for pussies.

I’m not gonna say "Newsroom" is fantastic. That it’s the new "Sopranos", that you can’t miss it. But I am going to say if truth, justice and the American way appeal to you, if you’re a fan of Aaron Sorkin, if you like smart and thought-provoking as opposed to dumb and titillating, you should tune in it. For the moments.

That’s all we’re searching for. That’s what happened with records. We used to like the rest of the album because we had nothing else to listen to. Now we only want the hits. That’s all anybody ever wanted.

And a three minute pop song must be perfect to go over. It’s got to be impeccable, whether it be "Satisfaction", "She Loves You" or "Billie Jean". Anything else and most people don’t care.

But it’s hard to get TV and film perfect. They’re collaborative efforts. They’re long. We settle for the moments.

And "Newsroom" has got them.

Ignore the hype. That’s what’s great about TV, a show can grow. Can find its way both creatively and in audience size. First episodes are rarely the best. It takes a while for a show to find its groove. The same way it takes an act a few years and what used to be albums to find its groove. Instead, the industry wants everything bulletproof from day one.

Are you bulletproof? Are you perfect?

Of course not!

And the more you get plastic surgery to try and achieve this, the more you miss the mark.

We’re charitable people. We’ll swallow the imperfections. If you watch "Newsroom" for the essence, for the message, for the repartee, for the emotion, you’ll be rewarded. If you want to just sit there and say there aren’t as many laughs as in "Two and a Half Men", you’re a wastrel who’s part of the problem as opposed to being part of the solution.

We’ve got to solve the problems of our country. We just can’t keep arguing. What’s worse is most of the arguing is done without facts. Because stupid’s become the norm. Whether it be Justin Bieber claiming he’s not going to get so many tattoos his body looks like the "Sixteenth Chapel" or politicos blaming Obama for turning people gay.

"Newsroom" is a start. You’re gonna watch it. You just don’t know it yet.

"The Newsroom"

(Don’t blame me for how slow the site loads, that’s TV, they’re clueless. But you can watch the entire first episode at the above site.)

So I’m talking to Clem Burke…

No, no, I’m not dropping names here. He barely gave me the time of day. Why should he. But my point is…these people are my heroes. I stood in front of the stage, they were on it. They were the people I believed could make my life work, if I could just meet them. I’d say I gave my soul to rock and roll, but really it reached out and grabbed me and saved me, made my life complete.

The only reason I went to this gig was to do a favor for Larry Solters. I thought it was a b.s. exhibition he was paid to promote, I’d show my face and then go to dinner with my usual Thursday night group. But from the moment I got there, I kept running into people I knew. Learning about this restaurant on Pico with an all meat meal, run by someone akin to the Soup Nazi, with an unlisted number and a $220 tab. And the hors d’oeuvres weren’t bad, so I scarfed them up and wrote off my dinner and got into it with Rob Light. Who kept testifying about the movie, inside. I hadn’t even seen the exhibit, that’s not why I came.

But it was hard to hear Rob, because a really good Heart cover band was playing in the background. Finally, I turned my head, to check out these incredible impostors, and was stunned to find out it was the Wilson sisters themselves! Ann’s still got the pipes! And after talking about "Rock Of Ages" and the television business and validated parking I went inside, for a run-through before I departed.

My mind was blown.

My favorite picture was the one of the Yardbirds. With Jimmy Page in a quasi-military jacket and Jeff Beck in sneakers. Once upon a time these people were not heroes, just wannabe musicians. So many of these pictures were snapped at this time.

And then there was the cover of "Dressed To Kill". Gene Simmons was wearing CLOGS! This was before the exotic boots, before they became the KISS we know today.

And there’s the original cover of "Joshua Tree" and explanations of every photo but what made my night, what truly dropped my jaw, was the movie.

Henry Diltz talked about being a folk musician, buying a camera on a whim and ultimately finding his new career. There were outtakes of the "Desperado" cover.

Guy Webster told the story of capturing the iconic bathtub shot on the cover of the Mamas & the Papas’ "If You Can Believe Your Eyes And Ears". They couldn’t leave the house because they were all so stoned. Hell, Guy could barely set up his tripod.

Linda Eastman McCartney got started by accident. Being chosen to be the sole photographer from a group of shooters.

But the photographer who captured the essence was Norman Seeff. I could try and explain how he described his process, but I wouldn’t nail it.

I realized that to be a rock and roll photographer, you had to be friends with people on the way up. You couldn’t just decide to work with the famous. You had to ingratiate yourself. Opportunities came thereafter, one success led to another.

And I felt left out. Hell, whenever I’m around a famous musician I tingle. I held the album cover in my hands. I know all the credits. THAT’S YOU?

But they’re just regular people. Albeit much cooler than me.

Now they validate parking, you’ve still got to pay a little, but it’s not the $34 max. And I get no kickback. But I’ve really got to implore you to go to this exhibit. The photographers were hangers-on, but they were much closer to the musicians than us. They captured not only the visage, but the identity. They made the people in these photos three-dimensional.

You look and watch and you experience that penumbra which is never seen on TV. One great photo can be the essence of rock and roll.

And they’ve got tons of them at this exhibit.

"Who Shot Rock & Roll"

Wikipedia

"Jive Talkin’"

Four years is an eternity in popular music.

But that’s how long it was since the Bee Gees’ last hit, "How Can You Mend A Broken Heart". In the interim Jethro Tull released an album containing only one track, FM trounced AM and "Free Bird" became an anthem. But in the sporting goods store I worked in on Hollywood Boulevard, they still broadcast AM, that’s all they had.

And I lived to hear this.

It was my second sporting goods store gig. The first one was around the corner, on Highland, neither of these establishments exist anymore. And the clientele was always a trip. Talking to Jack Nicholson, H.R. Haldeman coming in for Tretorns. Never mind the delusional street people dropping in for the air conditioning.

I never had a soft spot for the Bee Gees. But when "Jive Talkin’" came out, suddenly I did. I guess we like things that connect us to the past that are not pure nostalgia. "Jive Talkin’" may be lumped into the disco camp, but really, it’s not. It’s just a hit record. With a groove and flourishes that make you wince and smile at the same time. The keyboard riff, the percussion breakdown…this is one track I’ve never burned out on, it’s the link between what once was and was yet to be.

"Stayin’ Alive"

Somehow, in the history of popular music, a taint has been placed upon this track, people dismiss it, look down their noses upon it.

That’s what success will do for you. Bring out the haters, the history rewriters. Sometimes something’s so great, you can’t say a negative thing about it, and when it comes to "Stayin’ Alive", that’s the way it should be.

Forget the disco backlash, blowing up records in Comiskey Park, everybody loved "Stayin’ Alive", not only the polyester-clad dancers but the dyed-in-the-wool rockers. Because it’s so damn good!

You’ve got to understand, it snuck up on people. It wasn’t like today, with endless movie hype. A film with John Travolta based on a Nik Cohn story in "New York", which years later turned out to be completely fabricated…there was no built-in desire.

And then you went to see it.

Travolta walking down the street with a swagger, putting one slice of pizza atop another, it was movie magic…and it wouldn’t have been half as good without the soundtrack, "Stayin’ Alive".

Movies were platformed, they didn’t open in thousands of theatres, word took months to spread, "Saturday Night Fever" was an immediate hit, but unlike today’s flicks, it played for six months, not six weeks.

And the more the movie played, the more people bought the soundtrack, the more these songs were on the radio. The Bee Gees ended up on a victory lap they still haven’t recovered from.

That’s the power of a hit song. Especially when matched with a hit movie.

And don’t you love those drums at 3:44!

"If I Can’t Have You"

My favorite non-Bee Gees song on the soundtrack was the Trammps’ "Disco Inferno"… But that was not a movie original, that was another of those disco songs we rockers secretly admitted we loved. But my second favorite was a movie original, by Yvonne Elliman, "If I Can’t Have You", written, of course, by the Bee Gees, not that many knew this at the time…

And this is one of the rare cases wherein the writers’ version is inferior, still, listen, you might not have heard it…

And talk about a hook…

If I can’t have you
I don’t want nobody baby

We all know this feeling, it’s the human condition.

"Holiday"

Despite the cheery title, this song has such a depressing feel.

Maybe that’s why it appeals to me.

We live in an upbeat world where if you’ve got problems you’re scuttled aside, unless you’re a celebrity and go on "Oprah" and confess. But that’s anything but personal. Depression is personal. As is so much of the greatest music, beamed directly from the speakers into your heart.

This was not the first Bee Gees track I heard, but it was the first one that clicked.

We had season tickets at Bromley. A ski area with a lot of character that faces south and is right upon the highway which I love with all my heart. And at the end of each ski day, the teenagers would congregate on the main floor, around the corner, where the jukebox was.

I’m gonna do a whole playlist on the tracks that emanated from that machine, that changed my life, that I had to buy. Stuff you wouldn’t expect, like "Boogaloo Down Broadway", by the Fantastic Johnny C…and this.

You see that’s what’s great about a jukebox, about the AM radio of yore…you don’t get to hear what you want to, but what others want to. And then you end up hearing these songs enough they become your favorites too.

I can still see the townies, with their Moriarty hats pushed up high. The tension between the locals and the weekenders, the way we connected as the winter months wore on, drinking our hot chocolate and eating our monster glaze donuts. That’s what’s great about life, the memories. When you’re depressed, you think back and you smile.

"New York Mining Disaster 1941"

This was the first Bee Gees song I heard. But since it was not on the Bromley jukebox, I did not know it as well.

What I love is the endless repetition of "Mr. Jones"…you think he really exists.

"Massachusetts"

I was always flummoxed by this. How a band from the U.K. via Australia could pick out such a tiny state and write a song about it.

Massachusetts was just the next state over. The one we drove through to get to Vermont, the one that contained my grandparents.

You know how you feel a special connection with a song that mentions your name? That’s how I feel about this song. Especially in the sixties, all the glamour, all the references, were based on California, the west coast. Sure, most of the people lived on the east coast, but popular culture seemed to be based out west, but not in this song.

"Lonely Days"

And I love all the aforementioned records. "Massachusetts" was the follow-up to "Holiday", they were on a roll. But then came "Words", "I’ve Gotta Get A Message To You" and the execrable "I Started A Joke". Who was this music made for? Sure, I could get depressed, but this music seemed to be made for hobbits who never left the house, who never saw the sun shine, people who were perpetually under the weather. You made fun of these songs. And if you say otherwise, you weren’t there.

But then there was a last hurrah. Just when I’d written them off, the Bee Gees released my favorite song, "Lonely Days"…

The track started off like another dirge, and then…

Good morning mister sunshine, you brighten up my day
Come sit beside me in your way

The harmonies were exquisite, they made you feel all warm inside, the strings swirled underneath… And then there was the rhyme of "restaurant" and "nonchalant"…

And then the song changed completely, it became a rocker… Someone started banging on the piano, like you would at home, only with more talent, there were random horns, you felt like you were at a football game and wanted to get out on the field and march with the band.

Then the track devolved into dreaminess, something the Beatles were so good at, but the Bee Gees did well too. The track went back to the quiet verse… But when the chorus came back this time, it was truly vociferous.

LONELY DAYS
LONELY NIGHTS
WHERE WOULD I BE WITHOUT MY WOMAN!

The brass is squeezing out the notes, the boys are shouting and harmonizing, the strings are swirling…it’s a tour de force.

And I’ll bet what Barry Gibb is feeling right now is lonely. With three of his four brothers deceased. You don’t want to survive, you want to go first, otherwise it’s just too painful. You’ve got no one to share your memories with, no one to sing with…

But we the listeners are not burdened by the death of three of the brothers Gibb. For us, the songs still live. This was an act that hung in there, kept trying, for decades, experimenting, getting it right. Their only mistake was to become so successful that the public put them in a box and they became inhibited by their own legacy.

Spotify playlist

Previous Rhinofy playlists