Back in the dark ages of the seventies, when I lived in Vermont and there was one snowy television station and no FM radio other than the low power college station, I was clued in to what to listen to by two things…the press, mostly “Rolling Stone,” but “Fusion” and “Crawdaddy” too, and the Warner/Reprise sampler albums. And “Burbank” was not my favorite iteration, but it began with a track so infectious that even in the white haven of Middlebury it evoked the funk and the ooze of Oakland.

I’m speaking, of course, of Tower Of Power’s “Down To The Nightclub.”

It’s Saturday night and I’m just hangin’ out
Lookin’ for a place to party
I jump into my ride and I hit the road
‘Cause there’s only one place to go
Down to the nightclub
Ooh, the women be righteously ready and pretty
To the nightclub
We go bumpty, bumpty, bump
BUMP CITY!

BUMP CITY!

I thought that was the name of the track, actually it was the name of the album, but what an IMAGE! This was years before disco burgeoned. This was about going to a smoky club, getting your buzz on and…TOUCHING!

You can’t do that on the Internet. No cam will give you the human touch. You’ve got to leave your house for that. And listening to “Down To The Nightclub,” you wanted nothing so much as to throw on your dancing shoes, race out the door and PARTICIPATE!

But the song is magical for so many reasons.

There’s the intro. Which sets the mood, sets your mind free and gets you ready for…

The story.

This track is not made for the radio so much as for you. Screw the rules. The rules would excise the intro, but that’s one of the things that makes this track.

Along with that hooky… BUMPTY, BUMPTY, BUMP!

As well as that entrancing bridge…

The joint be jumpin’
THE MAMAS BE HUMPIN’!

“Down To The Nightclub” is one of those songs you like immediately, but the more you play it, and you’re driven to, the more you become enamored of it. Kind of like a great nightclub!

“What Is Hip?”

“Down To The Nightclub” was on the second album, the aforementioned “Bump City.” The third album, the eponymous “Tower Of Power,” opened with a definitive soul/funk number entitled “What Is Hip?”

This is a precursor to rap, an honest black world where the truth is spoken. If you haven’t looked yourself in the mirror and wondered if you were hip…YOU’RE JACK NICHOLSON!

When you hear Lenny Williams sing, “You in a HIP TRIP!” you crack up.

But it gets even better…

What’s hip today might become PASSE!

Could you say it better yourself?

OF COURSE NOT!

That’s what we depend on art for, to distill what we all know in an economical, comprehensible fashion.

If you’re truly hip, you’ll love “What Is Hip?,” it cracks me up every time I hear it.

“Only So Much Oil In The Ground”

SOONER OR LATER THERE WON’T BE NONE AROUND!

From an album entitled “Urban Renewal” to boot!

The sense of humor is amazing. It’s like Frank Zappa moved to Oakland, and the resulting music was infused with his zinging social commentary.

It gets better…

WE CAN’T CUT LOOSE WITHOUT THAT JUICE!

Utterly hysterical! Could you say it better? You need your gasoline, to cruise, to get to the nightclub, TO LIVE!

THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR OUR ABUSE!

It’s the same way today as it was back then, right after the initial gas shortage of 1974. Just ask east coast residents in the wake of Sandy, lining up for their hit.

And there’s much more than these three tracks. But start here. They’re infectious, they’re deep, they’re satisfying.

And the band may have become more famous for its horn section than its own material, the Tower Of Power horns backed up Little Feat on its live album “Waiting For Columbus,” but these tracks should neither be overlooked nor forgotten.

 Rhinofy-Tower Of Power

Previous Rhinofy playlists

Otherwise known as the haves and the have-nots.

You get to choose. If you’re riding through life willy-nilly, thinking everything will work out fine, you’re delusional. Now, more than ever, there’s a dividing line. You’re  up here…or you’re down there. And don’t expect the mainstream media and your friends and teachers to tell you. Kind of like they didn’t tell us Reagan-era greed would lead to income inequality.

I read about Michael Milken making half a billion dollars in the eighties. I saw my boomer brethren getting rich in that decade. I just thought it wasn’t my turn yet. Or to quote Led Zeppelin, my time was gonna come.

The joke was on me. As the years wore on you could only become truly rich if you were involved in finance. As for the rest of us, James McMurtry had it right, we can’t make it here anymore.

That’s right. I will never be one of the one percent. Because I don’t do the right kind of job. I was riding the lift in Vail when my seatmate talked about buying a shirt at the Plaza. He’d forgotten his button-down, he went down to the hotel store, got up to the cash register and it turned out the new item was $1700. Yup, you’ve got that right. There’s no decimal point in between the zeros. And another seatmate said “So you put it back on the rack, right?” And this guy said “No, I was already at the cash register, what could I do?” But it gets even worse! Turns out he had his button-down shirt in his suitcase. It was packed at the bottom. But he never returned his purchase.

Can you afford a $1700 shirt?

I certainly can’t.

And you can tell me you don’t need one, but you would like access to the best doctors and the ability to sway government policy and if you think you’ve got the same ability to do this as the rich, you probably think Rebecca Black is talented and Carly Rae Jepsen has a career.

But now we’re in the Internet era. We’ve got hucksters like Chris Anderson telling you there’s a long tail, that there’s a market for everything online!

Put it in the iTunes Store. It won’t move. Most of the material does not. People only want what is exceptional. It’s like society in general, we’ve got winners and losers.

But you got a trophy for participating in soccer. Your mother loves you. Of course the world is gonna embrace your art.

Fuggedaboutit.

Oh, you don’t take my word for it? You think I’m a narcissistic prick constantly raining on your parade? Then how about the words of Marc Andreessen, who launched Netscape and is now a big VC.

“In liberal arts, only the best of the best will make top dollar, a person will have to be good enough that his book is a best seller or her song goes global…”

In other words, there’s no place for a journeyman, no place for a middling act, you’re either Lady Gaga or Katy Perry or you’re living four to a room, maybe in your mother’s basement, driving a van to gigs waiting for that one big break that’s never gonna come.

The odds are longer than they’ve ever been before. With everything available online consumers only have time for the best, hell, they barely have any time at all. Just like Wal-Mart destroyed Main Street with its buying power and resulting cheap prices, the old game has been killed. Kind of like Amazon put the stake in the heart of Best Buy.

If you want to succeed in the future, you’ve got to get the right degree from the right institution.

Or, as Andreessen puts it:

“In two words, ‘study STEM’ (science, technology, engineering and math)…”

Physics is too hard? Computer science too challenging? That’s fine, let the computer tell you what to do as opposed to the reverse. That’s the dividing line today, according to Andreessen, do you tell the computer what to do or vice versa? Do you own Burger King or serve shakes?

And, as Andreessen says:

“If you have a degree in English from a tier B state school, you’re not prepared.”

You don’t like hearing this. I don’t like hearing this. But I didn’t like hearing that bankers were raping and pillaging in the eighties. But you know who was left out, me!

And read Tom Wolfe’s essay in “Newsweek.” All the money on Wall Street is now in high speed trading. With the Quants. And the mainstream press didn’t write a single story about it until a decade after it debuted.

So you’re at home, Facebooking, making your tunes in GarageBand, believing you’re just an inch away from stardom. Because no one will tell you the truth. Oh, you hear music is a hard game, but you see all those stars from…YESTERYEAR! Coldplay benefited from MTV airplay. As did Dave Matthews Band. Without it, they’d be a fraction as big as they are today. Even the vaunted Phish… They’re not growing new fans, it’s the same damn audience that keeps them alive, and Phish has been doing it for DECADES!

But no, you’re gonna break the rules. With little effort and a lot of chutzpah, you’re gonna make it. You’re gonna use the tools of the web to get in everybody’s face and will yourself to success, as if you yourself didn’t ignore spam all day long. You watch “Gangnam Style” more than once but you cannot name a single other video you’ve sat through completely. You went to see “Skyfall” but haven’t been to the movies since. Your calendar is so full of activities that you can’t even schedule a dinner. Meanwhile, you’re looking over your shoulder, worried the guy behind you is gonna steal your job, that you’ll never reach the guy in front of you.

Oh, you still don’t believe me! Then look at the app world. Sure,  you use Yelp! And look at Instagram, sold for a billion dollars! But most apps are black holes that don’t even return their investment. Read the below story in the “New York Times” for edification. Oh, that’s right, you don’t like anybody raining on your parade, you’re a positive person, you’re different.

HOGWASH!

Quants make millions of dollars in an instant, and they grow nothing. They’re gaming the system. Major labels buy YouTube views. The game is so stacked against you that if you knew the truth you wouldn’t even start.

So, if you like playing music, be my guest.

If you can book a few gigs, even go on tour, great!

But if you’re expecting a lifetime of riches, a career, a NetJet account and vacations on Richard Branson’s private island…PLAY THE LOTTERY!

 Andreessen-“Jobs fight: Haves vs. the have-nots”

“As Boom Lures App Creators, Tough Part Is Making a Living”

1. Long Haul, Not Front-Load

Front-loading is for movies and SoundScan. You’re not making movies and SoundScan means less than ever before and will continue to die.

You wanted a big first week in SoundScan so retailers would order more music and the mainstream press would hype your debut. Physical retail is dying and now inventory is unlimited online. Elvis Presley dies and there are few records in the store, it takes weeks to catch up with demand. Michael Jackson passes and albums and tracks start flying out of the iTunes Store immediately. If there’s demand, it can be fulfilled today. But you’ve got to create the demand. One spike of publicity is not going to do it. At best, it creates a bit of awareness. But it doesn’t get anybody to listen. Assuming you’re paying attention to the mainstream press, it’s a long way from there to listening to the music. How can you get people to listen to the music first?

“Gone Girl” was a viral sensation. Most people weren’t even aware of the hype upon release. Great word of mouth sold the book. Music is now more like books, taking a while to marinate and spread in society. But music, when done right, lasts even longer. Your goal is to have a career.

If you’re doing publicity at all, and publicity is only for pussies, your artwork should sell itself, a campaign should last at least a year. Or don’t even start.

2. Lead With Your Art

A great publicity campaign for a lame record is worthless. Kind of like a great video for a lame song. Focus on the art. Date of release doesn’t matter. Some things blow up immediately, most take a while to find their niche and grow. Think about what you’re selling and focus on that. PSY wasn’t selling a song but a video. So he made sure the video was excellent. What sold the video was viral word of mouth. The mainstream press was last. The mainstream press is only first on what is lame and evanescent. What’s cool starts off the radar.

3. Celebrity Imprimatur

The Carly Rae Jepsen story. Justin Bieber tweeted about “Call Me Maybe.” Celebrities endorsing music that they’ve got no investment in draws attention to it. It’s the best way to reach new listeners. This used to be the opening band syndrome. That can still work a bit, but people have been trained to think the opening act at a concert is lame, that it may not even square with the taste of the audience, that their placement is more about money than music. Look at the Twitter followings of some of these famous musicians. They can reach the target audience much better than the mainstream press. Unlike the mainstream press they’re trusted. This paradigm works now, it might be abused into irrelevance in the future. Just like YouTube views and Amazon reviews are now faked.

4. Give Your Audience The Tools

If you want mystery today, put up the video, release the track online and then say and do nothing else. Create a frenzy surrounding your track, have questions asked. That’s a reasonable way to go. But even more reasonable is to have a plethora of information available to surfers once they get hooked. Wikipedia and Facebook pages, a Twitter feed. The problem with mainstream media is it stops. Whereas if you really entice someone they want more. Online is about endless links and discovery. Allow those who are interested to do this.

5. Be Outside

In the eighties and nineties we had a monoculture. Driven by MTV and radio. Whereas in the sixties we had the mainstream and alternative. We’ve got the mainstream and alternative today. The mainstream is dependent upon hits. A ton of exposure. It’s more about the mania than the art.  There is a business in this, but less than ever before. Many used to sell double digit millions. Now only Adele can do this. You want to align with your fans, not the machine. That’s the key to longevity. If you get so big the machine is interested you can play with it, but last. If you put the machine first, you’re alienating those sneezers who will push you over the tipping point.

6. Your Fans Do The Work

If nobody is retweeting, if your video count doesn’t go up, maybe your art and its message are not good enough. If you can’t inspire people to do your work for you, you won’t make it today. We’re inundated with publicity, it washes right off of us. The only thing that sticks is the words of our friends.

7. Steady Stream Of Art

Don’t be worried about killing what’s breaking. The longer you stay on something, the shorter your career. Money men are interested in milking the hit, artists want to have careers. Keep pushing stuff out there. Satisfy the bleeding edge. These people are the ones who broke you to begin with.

8. Touring Is A Victory Lap

It used to be where you made fans, now it’s where you cement relationships and make money. Don’t tour so long you avoid your online presence. Online is a fire that you must continually stoke.

9. Mobile

If your site and its attendant elements don’t work seamlessly on handheld devices you’re operating with one hand behind your back.

10. Statistics Versus Money

Be your own barometer. Worry about pleasing yourself, not others. Don’t worry if all your sales are not counted, if you’re not mentioned in the trades. Have your own plan and be satisfied with your achievements. If you’re Amazon, you keep growing and put profits in the future. If you’re a fad, the money comes first. Create your own plan.

11. Have Your Own Schedule

The disadvantage of being tied to a major label is their agenda is different. They’ve got quarterly profit reports, they want you to put out your music during the Christmas selling season. Furthermore, major corporations are the opposite of nimble. They need agreement and approval which can take forever to achieve. You want to be able to turn on a dime. Maybe you need a second video. Maybe you need a new track. The web is about fast and slow. Fast to make changes, slow to grow.

12. Immediate Is Not Necessary

It costs nothing to have your video up on YouTube. No one’s going to delete it or ship it back. It’s a land mine waiting to be discovered. If you believe, stay the course. You never know what might trigger interest.

13. Fake Is Found Out

Society is more sophisticated than ever before. Websites are dedicated to decoding the truth. If you try to break the rules, you’ll be found out, and you may never recover from the hurt.

14. New Forums

First came Twitter, then came Tumblr, Pinterest… Don’t cover everything in a scorched earth policy, participate where your fans are, where it fits for you. Tumblr allows you to go on at length. Pinterest is for pictures. If you’re a photo whore, Pinterest might be where you want to be. The key is to take chances and have fun. The web is all about risks, which are anathema to major labels and the rest of the old guard.

15. Radio

Comes last. If it’s first and your track fails, which even those of the superstars do, it’s done. Better to percolate online and be added by radio long after the fact. Cee Lo’s “Forget You” percolated online long before it became a radio staple. Hell, the original version with the obscenity was a web phenomenon. Perfect execution. Drop it without publicity and let the online denizens build it into a monolith. Surfers owned it, the mainstream press was picking up the crumbs.

16. Cycles

Are permanent now. It’s just like life. You’re working and creating constantly. Sure, it takes up all your time, but creators want to create. If you feel burdened by the constant need to be in your audience’s face…you won’t make it. This is what Amanda Palmer does best. That’s why she raised over a mil on Kickstarter. She continues rallying her troops, posting on her site, oftentimes not even about music, but life. She’s three-dimensional, people are drawn to her.

17. Not All Your Fans Are Hipsters

There are very few hipsters out there. The regular people will support you, play to them.

18. TV

Ain’t what it used to be. Whether it be late night or track placements. It’s hard to game the system anymore. Late night will give you a professional video, but it won’t sell records. If your song is so good that it’ll break out of a TV show, chances are it’ll break just fine alone online.

19. No Rules

These are just guidelines. Create new ways of doing things constantly. Just don’t do it the old way. It ain’t even working for the old farts.

My inbox is blowing up with Bowie backlash.

And normally I would not react in print, but I’ve got two points to make.

The first is a correction.

It turns out the YouTube video of the clip has in excess of two million plays. Why the Vevo take has so few… All I can say is when I clicked on the link on Bowie’s page yesterday, Tuesday, the link didn’t work at all!

But the reason I’m invading your inbox one more time today is because I want to delineate a point about our society. Frank Rich did a good job of writing about it the other week in “New York.” It’s that we build false heroes in our society, like David Petraeus, the press looks at them uncritically and then…we find out these people are human.

Kind of like Lance Armstrong. If you follow his history, you know about that drug test that… You knew he was doping. But if you wrote that, and I did, you were attacked, look at what he’s doing for cancer research!

Bottom line, people need someone to believe in. And they defend that same person to high heaven until a sharp spike is driven into their mind proving otherwise.

Point one.

The ticket fee problem is the acts’ fault, not Ticketmaster’s.

Ticketmaster would go to all-in ticketing tomorrow. It’s the acts that don’t want to do this. But the ignorant public keeps blaming Ticketmaster.

So my inbox is filling up with people saying MAYBE DAVID BOWIE WANTED TO MAKE THIS MUSIC! GET OFF HIS BACK!

Giving this ancient hero all kinds of credit and breaks he doesn’t deserve.

Maybe you believe otherwise.

Or is your life so simple and overwhelming that you’ve got heroes, that you truly think these people are better than you, with pure motives and an inability to fail.

Ever meet any of your heroes?

You’d be stunned.

So often famous people are mercurial, difficult, and they don’t give you the time of day. If you haven’t been dissed by one of your heroes, you haven’t met one.

So I take a critical approach to David Bowie’s new music and his marketing plan and the basic response is…

HOW COULD YOU?  HE’S DAVID BOWIE!

This is the same kind of thinking that got the press and the nation believing there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq because the President and his minions said so. What’s going to keep this nation free is not guns, but critical thinking.

If we’re still talking about David Bowie’s new music a year from now, I’d be stunned.

BUT HE’S DAVID BOWIE! STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW!

I saw David Bowie perform “Ziggy Stardust” before most of you were born, at the Music Hall in Boston back in ’72. He was great then, he hasn’t been great in a long time.

Could he be great again?

We’ll see.

But if you think the new track is great please don’t send me any recommendations. And good luck in this new world where good is not good enough, where you’ve got to be SPECTACULAR to succeed!

We’re truly living in an era of superstars.

And if you can’t deliver at this high level you’re forgotten or you never made it.

What did Jack Nicholson say in that movie…

YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH?

You want to believe your heroes are flawless and your music is worth listening to.

HA!

 “Suckers For Superheroes,” Frank Rich on Petraeus, et al

P.S. The more e-mail that comes in, the more people agree with me. Proving once again the haters are knee-jerk reactors who attack first.

P.P.S. While I’ve got your attention, I want to tell you someone e-mailed me a solution for my iTunes search problem. The default is to search the entire library. Click on the magnifying glass on the left-hand side of the search window and select “Filter By: All” in the drop-down menu and it works the old way. Thank god for crowdsourcing, but these programs should be intuitive to the individual.