Screw Driver

1. It’s FANTASTIC!

2. Rule number one in today’s online, media overload world is…YOU HAVE TO WANT TO PLAY IT AGAIN! And if you don’t want to hear “Screw Driver” again as soon as it’s over, you’ve got no genitals…and no ears.

3. That’s the new definition of fantastic. It’s a knee-jerk reaction. Not something contemplated and intellectualized, just a visceral response. Have I heard better tracks than this… OF COURSE! But life is worthless without the new. But in the land of overhype, we’re constantly saying no. It’s shocking and exciting to say YES!

4. This is the new paradigm. No advance hype. We’re only interested in the track anyway. All that buildup for a first good week at SoundScan… That was always to impress retail, so they’d order more stock. Now physical retail is history and online there’s UNLIMITED inventory! As for making a media splash…that’s irrelevant too. It all comes down to where the rubber meets the road, the court of public opinion. And nothing you say or do can massage these listeners. That’s just what they want to do…LISTEN!

5. Bowie had it wrong. His track had almost no repeatability, unless you were a fan who believed he could do no wrong, the converted. But play this for a nine year old who’s clueless as to Prince, and they’ll get it.

6. Maybe I’m too dumb to get “Suit & Tie.” Maybe if I knew more and played it ten times I’d get it. But I don’t know jack and I don’t want to hear it again, so I’m out of the loop as to its genius, if it’s got any. If you’re gonna break the rules, do something new, deliver something unexpected, it’s got to be a 10…otherwise stay with the tried and true.

7. It’s not rap. And it’s not beat-driven drivel. It’s retro and modern at the same time. And it’s more rock than disco. Sure, it’s got a driving beat, but this is more rock and roll than anything on “Dirty Mind.”

8. Thirty seconds. That’s how much you get if you’re a superstar. If you’re a newbie or a hack, you get maybe ten. The verse starts off interesting, a bit better than so-so, then there’s the undeniable hook sixteen seconds in. If you don’t melt when you hear it, you wouldn’t sweat in hell.

9. And let’s not let the cheesy backup vocals in the hook go by without notice. Sure, it’s Prince’s signature sound, but he hasn’t been relevant on record in eons. In a world where everything’s processed and perfect, Prince’s record sounds positively human.

10. You’re reading the lyrics and then…you see the video of the band! There’s no band on the Top Forty, there’s no band on “American Idol” or “The Voice,” but here’s the best live performer of the modern era showing us how it’s really done, just a bunch of musicians in the garage, grooving on the power of playing, knowing first and foremost it’s about FUN! Come on, the girl drummer in the hat… She’s not mugging for the camera, she’s not radiating sex, she’s radiating MUSIC! And there’s nothing sexier than that. J. Lo is for the cameras, she’s two-dimensional, this woman could actually have a discussion with you.

11. The instrumental after the hook! He’s breaking all the rules! You’re supposed to go right back into the verse. This is the way you rehearse, not the way you record. But it allows the listener to get locked into the music, the groove.

12. I’M UR DRIVER, UR MY SCREW! Reminiscent of nothing so much as Bryan Adams’ “The Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You.” But with even a deeper sexual connotation. That’s Prince, walking right up to the line and dancing upon it. On one hand the words are innocent, on the other they’re OOZING with sexuality!

13. The second hook, which is so subtle…SCREW YOU! He puts it right out there, this is where he crosses the aforementioned line.

14. The Beach Boys guitar. Yup, it’s right there. Straight off a surf record. The sounds, the whole record is positively retro, yet completely modern!

15. The hats! He’s from MINNESOTA! It’s cold. Instead of being everyman, he’s locating the band…roots are important!

16. PEOPLE PAY $ 4 THE ROCK N ROLL! Rock is not dead, it’s just lacking energy, a hit song. Its savior just showed up. What kind of crazy world do we live in where the best rapper is white and the best rocker is black!

17. WE GOT A LONG LONG WAY 2 GO. Huh? In a world that’s here today and gone tomorrow, where you don’t even want a two year old phone, Prince is saying it’s about ongoing relationships, that the dividend comes from continuance? This is contrary to everything in our mechanized society, but it’s the truth, it’s real.

18. SHARING STORIES AND COOL CLOTHES. That’s what relationships are all about! Come on, you know how it is, especially early in your history, when your girlfriend wears your shirt, that means SHE LOVES YOU!

19. THIS IS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE ON THE ROAD. That’s where Prince has been, for years. Everybody else talks about it, makes videos about it, but Prince truly lives it, you feel that this is a message from the caravan. Remember when your dream was to run away with the rock and roll circus? If listening to this track doesn’t make you want to join the safari, you don’t belong in this business, you’re not a fan.

20. MUSIC NEVER LIES U KNOW IT’S TRUE. I’d disagree with this. GREAT music never lies. But we haven’t had that spirit here since… There ain’t a single lie or calculation in this song, just pure honesty and exuberance, a man with talent willing us, demanding us, to pay attention.

21. It’s too long! It shouldn’t have the instrumental section at the end. That’s what happens when everybody believes there are rules. Did you see today’s viral video:

“I Fight Dragons Music Business Case Study – 1 song, 7.5 writers, 18+ versions”

A great artist doesn’t believe in rules, to quote that old seer Donald Fagen…”I cried when I wrote this song, sue me if I play too long.”

22. Can you imagine being at the gig? When Prince starts playing this? THE AUDIENCE IS GONNA GO NUTS! You can’t sit still listening to “Screw Driver” at home, imagine hearing it live! With all those sweating bodies, the power of the music flowing from your fingers to your toes… There’s nothing like seeing your favorite band playing their big hit of the moment, it’s just shy of an orgasm. And when it’s a driving, physical anthem, the experience is TRANSCENDENT!

23. Prince has been clueless for so long. But one thing Prince has never stopped doing is creating, writing and playing new music. And he’s put out so much that we thought we were burned out, that we no longer cared, that he was done, toast. But that’s not true. We’re always open to something incredible from the legends. But unlike Prince, most legends are afraid of the audience, they’re so busy getting it right that they polish new stuff to perfection and we can’t identify, or don’t bother to put out anything at all.

24. “Screw Driver” is not timeless, it’s just for now…AND THAT’S WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT IT!

P.S. If the above link no longer works, go here:

20pr1nc3.com

and click on the leftmost image.

Too much bloviating about nothing.

Either Cook, et al, deliver a breakthrough product, create a whole new stream of revenue, or Apple becomes Microsoft, a continuing moneymaker, but hardly cutting edge.

OK. You’re an investor. You wanna know where to put your money. For nearly a decade, Apple was a secret hiding in plain sight, it only went up, hell, it even rebounded after the 2008 crash. But now it’s the highflier, everybody’s clued in, and the company’s managed as if it’s an independent startup and the Street is trying to tear it down like RadarOnline picking at Taylor Swift for screwing too many guys. I get it, she’s famous. If she were twenty three and unknown, we’d be giving her kudos for playing the field before marriage, besting the men at their game. But since she’s a superstar, our goal is to bring her down. And she bites back. Hell, she even wrote a song about me!

But she won’t be doing that anymore. The public won’t stand for it. Taylor Swift burned out her paradigm.

And Apple’s stealth strategy has gone by the wayside too. There’s just too much information. Hell, did you see that report on MacRumors today, repeated all over the web, about a new iPad and a low-cost iPhone? Even before his untimely death Steve Jobs could no longer maintain secrecy. Because these products are no longer built by one company, alone in a skunkworks, but by a plethora of component makers, some of whom talk. If you think Apple can prevent leaks, you probably believe the government is riddled with conspiracies. But that’s not true, someone always speaks, the truth outs.

Everybody wants what’s cool. People want to attach themselves to that which has momentum. By removing itself from the dialogue, Apple is hurting sales. Let’s see, do I buy an iPhone or a Galaxy? Wait, I read in the paper that Apple’s stock is tanking, everybody’s talking about Galaxy features! Facts are irrelevant, the perception is that Samsung is the comer and Apple is the loser, despite Apple scoring the fourth biggest quarter in the history of any company!

Richard Gere didn’t have to respond to gerbil rumors, he wasn’t selling himself so much as the movies he was in, which are dependent upon writing, cinematography…hell, it was a very short window within which he could open a film. But Apple’s computers and iPhones and iPads ARE the product. Tim Cook has to protect them. But he keeps going on an endless victory lap, telling us to trust him, when we don’t even trust the President. Ain’t that America, we’re all from Missouri these days, we all live in the SHOW ME STATE!

Apple’s stock run-up was as a result of the iPod, iPhone and iPad. If they don’t come up with the iWhatever, it’s over. Is that a mystery? Isn’t that just like a band? Without a hit new album live business never goes UP! There’s still money to be made by a classic act on the road, but if U2’s next album stiffs, they ain’t gonna be selling out stadiums.

It’s what have you done for me lately.

And lately, Apple’s been selling a ton of product. Despite all the naysayers, it’s all cutting edge.

But that won’t be forever.

Want to know what Apple’s future is? YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT!

Just like you’re gonna have to wait for Bowie’s album, and Justin Timberlake’s.

Then again, Apple hasn’t been gone from the arena for half a decade. But it acts like it has. Like the company’s above it all. Once upon a time, Steely Dan didn’t have to tour. But things change. Record sales tank, lives are altered, the band survives on the road today.

Steve Jobs is dead. Secrecy and lack of information are an historical paradigm. As dead as the Apple II.

Apple needs to change its style.

Even more it needs a new hit product.

We’re watching.

“Apple Shares Down 11 Percent on Fourth-Most-Profitable Quarter Posted by Any Company Ever”

“iPad 5 Set for October Debut with Design Similar to iPad Mini? iPhone 5S and Lower-Cost iPhone Moving Forward”

Credit Bruce Fairbairn.

Have you heard “Turn Me Loose” recently?

It’s usually on Classic Rewind or ’80s on 8. I’m drifting along, just minding my own business, in that fog you enter when you’re behind the wheel, and then…

There’s that ascending synth note. Takes forever. Kind of like a space launch. Then you’ve got liftoff and a series of bass notes and…a crunchy guitar that launched a zillion bedroom fantasies and after a full minute intro Mike Reno enters as if he RAN to the studio and starts singing. Meanwhile, the synth is still going, the bass is still pounding, and Mike screams and the choir of backup singers comes in on the chorus and that slashing guitar returns… “Turn Me Loose” is a masterpiece. Which shot up the chart because certain tracks are just undeniable. And sure, Loverboy went on to have more hits, eventually became a caricature of itself, but this debut was as strong as Bad Company’s, as strong as ANYBODY’S! And it was produced by Bruce Fairbairn.

Ain’t that Canada. They lead with their talent, which they honed over years in frigid gray weather. Whereas in the U.S. you lead with your mouth, and rarely have anything to back it up.

So Jon Bon Jovi is produced by his cousin and Lance Quinn and gets a bit of traction with “Runaway” on the initial LP, but then the whole thing goes sideways, the band increases its audience on the road, but there’s little radio action. They decide to make a switch. They decamp from Tony Bongiovi’s Power Station, where the Boss and the rest of the east coast legends made their records for…Vancouver. Where they were produced by Fairbairn and the tracks were mixed by Bob Rock and the result was… Fame and a three decade legacy.

You’ve got to understand. In 1986, the classic rockers still ruled. Sure, Duran Duran was on MTV, but the station was still worried about baby boomers. Bon Jovi broke that whole paradigm wide open. Suddenly, the boomers were passe and Generation X ruled.

It all came down to “You Give Love A Bad Name.”

And sure, we could tolerate that on MTV, but once the band came out with “Livin’ On A Prayer” as the follow-up single, even the most jaded of oldsters took notice, and some of them signed up and bought the album and discovered…”Wanted Dead Or Alive.”

“Slippery When Wet” is imperfect, but its initial side is about as classic as they get. Except for the B-level “Social Disease,” everything else is a stone cold smash.

And it all starts with “Let It Rock.”

Now we can see the similarities between “Turn Me Loose” and “Let It Rock.” But this was six years later, so much had changed, it was hard to make the connection. But today it’s obvious right down to the full minute instrumental intro.

It’s also like a space launch, or a fireworks display. The keyboard is like flashing lights, explosions atop the edifice. The intro says nothing so much as PAY ATTENTION! Hell, it DEMANDS ATTENTION!

And then…

The weekend comes to this town
Seven days too soon
For the ones who have to make up
What we break up of their rules

It’s like a march. As if over the hill, coming up from the dale, is an army of twentysomethings here to steal the music business and your daughters along with it.

Well I saw Captain Kidd on Sunset
Tell his boys they’re in command
While Chino danced a tango
With a broomstick in his hand
He said: It’s alright (alright) if you have a good time
It’s alright (alright) if you want to cross that line
To break on through to the other side

Sunset Strip culture. The home of hard rock, before Guns N’ Roses got its victory lap. Where all the oddballs and weirdos marinated in their get-ups, not caring about the rest of society, this band from New Jersey just wrote their anthem.

Let it rock, let it go
You can’t stop a fire burning out of control
Let it rock, let it go
With the night you’re on the loose
You got to let it rock

The bass is pounding, your fist is pumping, all you can say is DAMN STRAIGHT! This is the essence of rock and roll. Rebellion and attitude meshed together. With a pounding bass beat, a stinging guitar and a vocal wail. ABSOLUTELY!

And then comes “You Give Love A Bad Name,” putting the stake in the heart, nailing you to the floor, committing you to the band. Instead of slowing down, taking a break, balladeering, Bon Jovi amps up the intensity and goes FASTER!

And then comes “Livin’ On A Prayer.”

You remember the video. The one wherein Jon Bon Jovi flies over the audience.

They were so smart, to go for credibility, live performance at this point.

But what we’ve got to stop and make note of is…THIS IS WHERE BON JOVI GOT THE GIRLS!

That’s what’s keeping the band going. The female audience.

They love their bad boys. Especially the good-looking ones.

This wasn’t Justin Bieber, no New Kids On The Block. This was a band, who would get you on the bus and give you the ride of your life! They knew how to write, they knew how to play and they knew how to… They were white hot.

And the track was just great.

With that pregnant synth intro. The irresistible bass line. And then the talk box, straight off of “Frampton Comes Alive,” not that anybody under the age of twenty knew that.

Tommy used to work on the docks

Quite possibly the most famous lyric of the eighties. Well, we can throw in Michael Jackson’s work, but this is the absolute paragon, the absolute peak.

Union’s been on strike
He’s down on his luck…it’s tough, so tough
Gina works the diner all day
Working for her man, she brings home her pay
For love – for love

There’s a whole STORY! It’s an aural MOVIE! You can SEE IT!

She says we’ve got to hold on to what we’ve got
’cause it doesn’t make a difference
If we make it or not
We’ve got each other and that’s a lot
For love – we’ll give it a shot

Do you think everybody at the show, today in 2013, won? OF COURSE NOT! But listening to “Livin’ On A Prayer” they believe they did. Hell, they’ve got the joy of listening to this music!

And if you didn’t sing along to the chorus, you didn’t have the ability to speak.

And then came…”Wanted Dead Or Alive.”

Sure, it was the label going in for the kill, cementing the legacy of the band, making the album go stratospheric, but at this point millions had already discovered the track, before it got airplay. “Wanted Dead Or Alive” is the essence of rock, the anthem. Even better than the aforementioned Bad Company’s song about rock stardom, “Shooting Star”… It’s the road piece de resistance. The Eagles wanted to be desperadoes, but it was Bon Jovi that nailed the western ethos.

Sometimes I sleep, sometimes it’s not for days
And the people I meet always go their separate ways
Sometimes you tell the day
By the bottle that you drink
And times when you’re alone all you do is think

THAT’S IT! You’re on the road to stardom and the only ones with you are your band members on the bus. It’s lonely, it’s frustrating, you’re sleep-deprived, it’s hell, but you’re doing it all in the service of rock and roll, for that moment on stage when you blow the audience away!

And that’s what Richie does, when he wails on his guitar.

But even more it’s the pure sound of the track. And the dynamics. Hear the intro and you’re immediately taken to a western town for the movie of your dreams.

“Wanted Dead Or Alive” was not Bon Jovi’s biggest hit of the era, but it’s their biggest hit decades on. It’s the soundtrack of “Deadliest Catch” because it connotes being alone, just you against the world, and that’s the story for all of us.

And side two opens with “Raise Your Hand,” a variation on “Let It Rock” without being repetitious. And ultimately there’s the ballad, “Never Say Goodbye,” but the problem is the first side is so damn good. Seemingly only the Beatles could sustain this quality level through both sides of an album. Furthermore, we were still listening on vinyl, on cassettes. We’d get stuck on one side!

Then again, both sides of “Back In Black” were just as good, phenomenal.

But that album is a great example. AC/DC had been working for years, had its breakthrough moment, and couldn’t repeat it. Despite working with Mutt Lange on its follow-up album. Bruce Fairbairn produced 1988’s “New Jersey,” which I bought without hearing first, but I was even more disappointed than I was with “For Those About To Rock (We Salute You)”. “Lay Your Hands On Me” was good…but from there it was downhill.

You see Bon Jovi was working so hard to make it, that once they did…they had nothing left to say. The hunger was gone. They were stars. NOW WHAT?

Well, Bon Jovi went solo and essentially rerecorded “Wanted Dead Or Alive,” but called it “Blaze Of Glory,” and it was just about as successful, because the original was just that damn good. It’s kind of like buying a Ferrari and then upgrading to the newest model, what could be wrong…IT’S A FERRARI!

And then the band got back together and Jon acted and the music continued to be generic.

They tried country, they tried everything.

But nothing measured up to “Slippery When Wet.”

But that’s enough. To sell out arenas, even stadiums.

Because if you want to relive 1986, if you want to know what it was like way back then…

You play “Slippery When Wet.”

Rhinofy-Slippery When Wet

Previous Rhinofy playlists

“Look At Miss Ohio”

The highlight of Buffalo Springfield at the Santa Barbara County Bowl was this. A live rendition by Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings of a cult song everybody in the Americana/No Depression world knows but which has never appeared on Top Forty radio and has not been lauded by the mainstream press. This is the new world. Where you’re a king in your niche, and outside you’re unknown.

But this niche is pretty big. Even Miranda Lambert has covered “Look At Miss Ohio.”

But what has got me writing this is Blind Pilot’s take:

Look At Miss Ohio – Blind Pilot

She says I wanna do right, but not right now

What kind of crazy fucked up world do we live in where two rootsy folk/wannabe hillbillies nail the rock and roll ethos better than anybody with long hair and an electric axe?

One in which everybody’s dashing for cash and worried more about the sheen than the essence.

It’s a constant fight… Do what you’re supposed to, or what you want to?

You’re in high school. Get good grades to get into a good college or…have fun? Get drunk and lose your virginity or study for your SATs?

Gonna drive to Atlanta and live out this fantasy
Running around with the ragtop down

Not New York or L.A. She doesn’t need to be the IT girl. Doesn’t need to be famous. She just wants to shoot pool in her cowboy boots and wink at the men. And see what transpires.

It’s hard to explain the magic of “Little Miss Ohio.” It’s the laconic groove, the feel, the lyrics, the mental movie that’s created.

Too much of today’s music is made for everybody, made to be heard in a crowd, “Look At Miss Ohio” is made to play in your head only, as you drive with the window down and your arm resting on the sill, sitting on the couch, slipping a glass of wine as the sun sets…

Gillian and Dave’s studio take is great, but it misses the target just a bit. You’ve got to experience it live.

Check out this take from the BBC:

Look At Miss Ohio – Gillian Welch & David Rawlings -BBC4 Sessions

She’s singing like she means it.

It ain’t about fame, it ain’t about money, it’s about life.

And that’s when music is best.

Miranda Lambert version

Counting Crows version

Seems everybody knows “Look At Miss Ohio,” and now you do too!

“Django”

And they said soundtracks were dead.

Yup, the kind that sold ten million copies that were populated by tracks that weren’t even in the movie. But the “Django Unchained” soundtrack is akin to what once was, in the days before VHS, DVD and pay cable, when you were home and you wanted to remember, feel the essence of the theatre experience.

Listen to this, the title track. It’s so derivative, such an homage to what once was, that it makes you smile. It’s big and overblown, just this shy of parody!

And “The Braying Mule” is hookier than anything on those million-selling hip-hop albums. Ennio Morricone is a master. Just because you’re old, that does not mean you’re not great, or irrelevant.

And “Lo Chiamavano King (His Name Is King)” will positively blow your mind. It’s like Shirley Bassey was preserved in amber after “Goldfinger” and set loose in 2012, just to sing this. This track is just one step to the side of Adele. It’s tongue-in-cheek, but in an alternative universe, this is a Top Five record.

When everybody else is down in the dumps, trying to crack the hit parade, Quentin Tarantino has cast off the chains, lifted the magic slate and created something brand new.

Even if you haven’t seen the movie, you’ll get it.

“Django”

“The Braying Mule”

“Lo Chiamavano King (His Name Is King)”

“Honky Tonk Women”

Yes, the Stones song.

But no, not the Stones recording.

But a rearranged acoustic take by John Batdorf and James Lee Stanley.

Dedicated readers will know that I loved their initial “All Wood and Stones” collaboration, now they’re doing another one, and this is one of the tracks.

The acoustic guitars take you to the mountains and Batdorf’s vocal soothes you, it’s pure magic, I look forward to more.

And you should too.

“Honky Tonk Women”