Once upon a time, KROQ was truly the ROQ Of The 80’s. It morphed overnight from the best free format station in Los Angeles into an outlet that played all those English new wave cuts KMET and KLOS refused to spin, like Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me” and Soft Cell’s “Tainted Love,” it became the secret hideaway of L.A.’s hipsters, in a matter of years it was the dominant station in town, able to break a record nationally, all due to the long forgotten programming work of one Rick Carroll. Hell, KROQ was the most valuable station in the nation! It’s part of how Mel Karmazin made his name, running Infinity Broadcasting. And for every career band started on KROQ, like Depeche Mode, there were many one hit wonders, like Toni Basil.

No, don’t tune out! This isn’t about that hit, it’s about another track, that got a plethora of airplay on KROQ and has been almost completely forgotten, “You Gotta Problem.” I’d hear it on the station and swoon. Be energized. Who was this Toni Basil? Who knew she’d been around forever as a choreographer, I thought she was some English chanteuse, this was long before Wikipedia, never mind the Internet. Then I finally bought the latest Devo album and there it was, albeit entitled “Pity You”…who knew!

This was when the band was on a downswing. They were hipster favorites just a few years before, with their robotic cover of “Satisfaction,” never mind “Uncontrollable Urge,” “Mongoloid,” and “Jocko Homo.” They were all over late night TV in their yellow hazmat suits, but then the act got old. This was before MTV truly brought them to the masses, with “Whip It.” This was the lull before the tsunami, the calm before the storm, and “New Traditionalists” is uneven, but it’s my favorite Devo album ever, because of the peaks!

1. “Pity You”

I’m not enough of a forensic listener to tell you exactly what all the sounds on this track are. But I think that’s either synthetic drums or some kind of effect that is so endearing you just want to hear it again and again, like the phasing on “Itchycoo Park.” Then there’s that buzzsaw guitar. And the bass, played on a keyboard..?

Pity you, you never get no satisfaction. But you keep going back, day after day, hour after hour, from where you came for more of the same. That’s the essence of music, you get hooked on a track and play it ad infinitum.

I love “Pity You.” Especially when it breaks down at 1:13. It’s like a western, if a western were filmed on Mars!

This is an orgy of sound. Exquisitely built. It sounds just as modern as it did thirty years ago. It’s timeless.

2. “Love Without Anger”

This is one of those tracks which is reversed. The chorus comes first. But it’s the verses that hook you. And that amazing break at 1:20.

Barbie and Ken in a great big fight
Seems Ken forgot to make it home one night

Huh? Irreverence, it’s the spice of life.

How’d they come up with this stuff?

Meanwhile, the ultimate message is a universal truth, which so many try to deny, to their detriment.

There’s no love without anger! No ongoing relationship without fights! If there’s no antagonism that just means someone’s holding their complaints inside and one day when you think things are going along swimmingly your boyfriend, girlfriend or betrothed is gonna unload on you and leave.

So fight now!

3. “Beautiful World”

This is the one everybody knows, because years later it was featured in a rerecorded version by Target. And insiders laughed, because they flipped the message of the song, you see it’s not a beautiful world! At least not for me.

It’s a beautiful world we live in
A sweet romantic place
Beautiful people everywhere
The way they show they care
Makes me want to say

It’s a beautiful world
It’s a beautiful world
It’s a beautiful world

For you
For you
For you

It’s not for me

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Alienation, isolation and depression have been wiped off the map. We’re now a nation of winners. If you’ve got any questions, any complaints, we don’t want to hear them. Just go out and shop and be happy.

4. “Going Under”

Think you heard this all before
Now you’re gonna hear some more
I know a place where dreams get crushed
Hopes are smashed but that ain’t much

Oh, just another loser complaining he was dumped.

No!

This song is so bizarre in concept that you almost can’t fathom it from this distance. Never forget that this was the era where Sparks had a KROQ hit with “I Married A Martian.”

I’m going under, I’m going under..

And where is he going?

To a place where all the mutants go!

With girls with four red lips… It’s a three and a half minute sci-fi adventure!

4.a. “I Married A Martian”

They couldn’t get any traction as Halfnelson, so they changed their name to Sparks, and I always used to see Ron Mael at Jerry’s Deli…

Eventually they had a hit on MTV with Jane Wiedlin entitled “Cool Places,” but this is the first cut that truly entranced me by the act…

I married a Martian
I’m going to Vegas
It isn’t for pleasure
I’m getting a quickie divorce

Huh? This always cracked me up completely, I couldn’t wait for this part of the track.

I married a Martian
Boy am I sorry
I don’t recommend it
To anyone in their right mind

As if you were considering it… But this was back when everybody wasn’t part of one big homogeneous monoculture. There was us…and them. We had KROQ, we had stuff like this. The artists, and that’s what they were, weren’t pandering to their audience, they were on a wild excursion to the limits of their ability to express themselves.

4.b. “Sex Dwarf”

And the hoi polloi think Soft Cell only had one hit. This was gigantic on KROQ, and was as bizarre as “Going Under,” and “I Married A Martian” above.

4.c. “Make A Circuit With Me”

And then there were meaningless trifles on KROQ like this. A one hit wonder by the Polecats. Incredibly infectious, the rest of the stations couldn’t test any limits, they could only play that which sounded just like everything else they were spinning, kind of like Top Forty radio today.

And the track that got all the airplay was the opening cut, “Through Being Cool.” And “Jerkin’ Back ‘N’ Forth” and “Race Of Doom” were cool too.

So pull up these cuts and remember, when you were all about testing limits as opposed to funding your 401(k), when you listened to music not as background, but foreground, when you respected artists instead of having contempt for them.

It was a glorious era.

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VIRGINIA

Come out Virginia, don’t let me wait
You Catholic girls start much too late

There was a real Virginia. Who never gave Billy the time of day… Until she saw him onstage performing. Not when he was “Billy Joel,” just the keyboardist in the local band.

Remember local bands? There used to be clubs, like the Action House, Bar Mitzvah parties, school dances. And there would always be a live band performing the hits of the day. No one had a deejay. You spun records at home! Nothing could replace the feel of live music.

But suddenly there was no place to play and no one was good enough to perform and the records were all made by machines anyway.

Billy’s taking piano lessons for years. Then he’s asked to join a band. He’s not quite a pariah, yet he’s anything but a hero.

Then he takes the stage.

That’s why so many musicians did it. For the babes.

And you might be a tech hero, a rich banker, but you can never compete with a successful musician, because he channels truth from his soul!

I figured Billy picked Virginia’s name out of a hat, but no, she was real!

ATTILA

There were the Echoes and the Hassles and record deals but very little traction. Sick and tired of bands, Billy formed a duo with his drummer entitled Attila, and it was dead on arrival. He moved to L.A. to escape.

Failure is not only de rigueur in Silicon Valley, but in music too. You think you’ve made it, you’ve got a record deal, you’re on late night TV…but you’re nowhere.

PIANO MAN

He only played in that piano bar for six months. And the record was a turntable hit. That’s what’s so fascinating, Billy’s a student of the business, like his old cohort Elton John. They learned how everything worked, they had managers, but truly, they were in charge of their own careers.

THE TROPICANA

That’s where Billy lived in L.A. It’s gone now. But the hotel had a famous coffee shop attached, entitled Duke’s, and every time you went a rock star was there.

The Tropicana was a dive.

But the kids back in Hicksville didn’t know this. He’d send postcards. They thought he had it made in Los Angeles.

But Billy couldn’t wait to get back.

Because everybody in L.A. was full of shit.

That’s true.

Billy says how everybody in La La Land is “a producer.” Billy says we all produce something! But these people usually produced nothing.

But that’s what I love about L.A. It’s the anti-east coast. Where you went to college, who your parents are, that’s all irrelevant. What’s most important is what kind of car you drive…and that’s just phony enough for me!

In other words, you can move to L.A. and be whoever you want to.

But that does not mean you’re gonna be a success.

COLD SPRING HARBOR

It was mastered at the wrong speed. You’ve got to hear Billy do an imitation. Can you imagine the first album under your own name being a disaster? Most people would quit. Actually, Billy did, that’s when he went underground and worked at the piano bar in the Wilshire District.

STREETLIFE SERENADER

Billy had no material. Other than “The Entertainer,” which I believed stiffed because it sounded so much like “Piano Man.” The label forced him into the studio, to follow up “Piano Man.”

But having said that, all the songs Billy deplores, I like.

TURNSTILES

So Billy takes matters into his own hands. He produces himself. He gets total control, he gets to use his own band, but he doesn’t get it quite right.

Yet, “Turnstiles” contains “New York State Of Mind.” And when you hear Billy perform this at the piano, you’ll get chills.

Billy didn’t know it would become a standard. Sometimes you write from your gut, and you find out what you have to say is what everybody else is thinking.

“Say Goodbye To Hollywood” was just that… Screw L.A!

“Summer, Highland Falls”…that’s where he lived when he moved back, on the Hudson.

“Miami 2017 (Seen The Lights Go Out On Broadway)”… Do you know the version from “Songs In The Attic”? When Billy went back and rerecorded his early material, supposedly live, after he’d made it? God, listen to not only “Miami 2017,” but the aforementioned “Summer, Highland Falls,” “Streetlife Serenader” and “The Ballad Of Billy The Kid.” This is my favorite Billy Joel album. Because it’s not a victory lap, Billy sings like he’s got something to prove, that he’s more than the Piano Man, that he matters.

And he does.

Turns out “Billy The Kid” is riddled with inaccuracies. He went with what rhymed.

But the best is the story behind “Miami 2017.” New York was going broke. Billy wanted to move back to see it. This song was written for his heirs, to tell them what it once was like before the lights went out on Broadway… “Miami 2017” is not a sci-fi fantasy, it’s real, written when the President told New York…Drop Dead!

THE STRANGER

It all comes down to Phil Ramone. Billy had seen his name on many a record, but primarily as an engineer. Billy decided to give Phil his chance, as a producer.

And this is a bit of a rewrite of history, Phil had produced with Paul Simon, but not alone, he didn’t get sole credit. Phil was hungry and Billy was too.

You think you’re best off working with the name. But usually you’re better off working with the up and comer. Who needs it just as much as you. Who’ll put in the time, who cares.

Phil made the album. Literally.

He was the coach. Who said when to play and when to take a break and eat Chinese.

And since Phil was classically trained, he made suggestions, he rearranged entire songs… “Just The Way You Are” sounded nothing like you know it before Phil got his hands on it.

THE NYLON CURTAIN

His hardest album to make and his favorite.

And it contains his favorite unsung track, “Surprises,” which Billy plays so well and is my favorite from that album too.

AN INNOCENT MAN

An homage to what was. To hear Billy detail how he ripped off Frankie Valli and Little Anthony and the Imperials is to detail how work is truly done. Truly, they were an inspiration.

RELATIONSHIPS

This podcast is not as good as Billy’s appearance on Howard Stern. There’s not quite the passion, not quite the edge.

But Stern’s broadcast was spectacular!

And you wish Alec Baldwin would shut up. He knows too little of what Billy’s talking about and is constantly trying to draw conclusions which are oftentimes inaccurate and cut Billy short.

But one thing about Alec doing the interviewing that’s important, the focus on relationships, since Alec had such a bad one with his ex.

Billy’s been married three times.

And he’s not gonna go to the altar again.

Because…

Maybe he just didn’t give enough. Music is a “harsh mistress” according to Billy. He couldn’t turn it off. Even when he was with his exes, relaxing, oftentimes he was not…he was thinking about changes, he was working, music was number one.

And right now it is not. He’s not performing and he’s not writing. He’s sick of sharing, he’s living for himself.

But Billy shares so much of himself, so honestly in this podcast, that even if you’re not a fan you should check it out.

And if you are… You’ll swoon. Because this is the story from the guy who wrote the story.

Episode #21, Billy Joel

“Teen Titan”

Do you know Jerry Perenchio?

I doubt it. But he was once a successful talent agent who promoted the Billie Jean King/Bobby Riggs television match and then bought and sold Univision… That makes him a billionaire. And you’ve got no idea who he is. But that all comes down to his corporate philosophy, you never talk to the press, hell he fired one of his bigwigs when they did, even though the resulting press was positive! Rules are rules.

Then there’s Shep Gordon. Alice Cooper was a wannabe on Frank Zappa’s label and then Shep got involved and made him a superstar. Then Shep did the same thing with Blondie, the band was languishing on Private Stock, now they were on Chrysalis selling millions of albums. I saw Shep at the IEBA conference a few years back, they were giving him and Alice lifetime achievement awards. The only words Shep spoke were to introduce Alice, saying he’d continued to be his manager for all these years by knowing who was the star.

I’ve got no idea why Scooter Braun agreed to do this piece. The only people who read “The New Yorker” are erudite east coasters. Maybe that’s who he wanted to impress, the local boy college dropout who did good. But you can never impress these people… Because you didn’t go to the right college and don’t go to the right events, it doesn’t even matter how much money you’ve made, you’re outside.

Not that this mistake isn’t common. David Geffen gave access to Tom King, a “Wall Street Journal” writer, helping him pen a biography. Too late, he realized his mistake. “The Operator” came out and Geffen’s career has been tainted ever since. The choices Geffen made made him appear to be a monster, something which insiders suspected but never confirmed, but once it was in print… And unlike “The New Yorker,” everybody in the business read “The Operator.”

Now more people than east coast intellectual snobs read “The New Yorker,” but it plays within its own walled garden. There’s essentially no upside to being in the magazine. And as someone who handles talent, doesn’t Scooter know that there’s no such thing as a totally positive article? That that’s not how they do it? I usually say no. Especially since I’m in the same business, I’m a writer. I’m not gonna look good. Couldn’t Scooter say no? Be happy being an uber-manager?

No.

But if you look beyond the self-centeredness and the delusion that he’s a kingmaker who’s gonna last, and the bending of the rules that all these people commit, hell, someone e-mailed me a great quote the other day from Honore de Balzac, “Behind every great fortune there is a crime.”, ain’t that the truth, it’s clear that without Scooter, Justin Bieber is nowhere. I’m not talking now, I’m talking about when he was making YouTube videos in Canada.

The article focuses on social media, how Bieber was broken. But that’s missing the point. The real point is the media was manipulated. Now that’s in the article too… As well as the short life of most teen phenoms. But the point I want to make, which is referenced minimally in “The New Yorker” piece, is that the manager is the most important part of the game.

Look at history. Whether it be David Krebs or Cliff Burnstein or Terry McBride in his heyday. Aerosmith was a nonstarter without Krebs and his partner Steve Leber. Def Leppard already had stiff albums in the marketplace when Cliff and his partner Peter Mensch took them over and the band went stratospheric. And Barenaked Ladies were a backwater novelty act until Terry hatched the plan that made them stars. Sure, the acts had talent, but it was the managerial expertise that broke them through.

And don’t read this article for tips, believing you can become Scooter Braun. Great managers are born, not made. Scooter lies about growing up with African-American brothers, can you lie about your college degree? David Geffen did. There’s no handbook you can study that will make you a great manager, and signing and keeping talent is a skill unto itself… Ever notice that nobody leaves Irving Azoff? He may kick them out, but everybody else stays…because they’ve never found a better advocate.

So much smoke has been blown about Justin Bieber that the truth has been obscured. He’s just another teen act, destined for the dustbin. Exceptions are extremely rare. Remember when they said the Jonas Brothers were forever?

But hustlers are forever.

Scooter Braun is a hustler. No different from the men who created Hollywood, who created the music business.

And one thing a hustler knows is to never reveal his tricks.

The fact that Scooter Braun did shows me he doesn’t truly understand the game, that he’s too focused on today, not tomorrow.

We don’t need any of these acts. You’re privileged to work in the entertainment business. You fight to get in, and keep fighting to stay in. And if you think you know everything, you’re headed for a fall. Geffen and Azoff are exceptions. Lifers are not the rule. Usually, you’re kicked out. But you don’t realize it until it’s too late, when everybody has been whispering for eons behind your back. Perception is everything, and you’re perceived to be a has-been.

So read this article. It’s well done.

But it will have minimal impact, other than amongst people in Scooter’s circle. You see “The New Yorker” prides itself on being above the fray, the last, most important word. And it’s damn good, but now you’ve got to fight for your attention. And “The New Yorker” does not. If newspapers can crash, “The New Yorker” can too. It’s got no web strategy, and the target audience of a piece like this is almost completely unaware of it. Self-promoting Howard Stern rags on Jay Leno and it’s all over Radar and the HuffPo… There are 6,260 hits on the Google News alone, check it out, Google “Howard Stern Jay Leno NBC”. Now Google “Scooter Braun New Yorker” in the Google News…757 results. Get my point? A good manager would see “The New Yorker” is not prepared for the future, is losing ground as it’s coasting along oblivious.

Scooter Braun would never let this happen.

Nor would Geffen or Azoff.

But they’re fighting for their piece of the pie every damn day. They’re not self-satisfied old schoolers who believe they’re entitled to their piece.

No one’s entitled to their piece anymore.

Especially teenage pop stars.

Everybody hates Jay Leno. And if you listen to this podcast, you can see why.

You see Jay’s all about success. He doesn’t want to be one of the guys. He just wants to be a comedian.

He’s not the most talented and he’s certainly not the best looking, so what does he do? Work!

It’s been well established that he continues to do standup while hosting the “Tonight Show.” Turns out he works three times a week. Not for the money, but to keep the muscle in shape. If you don’t go up regularly, you get uptight, a stray cough or heckle can distract you. Furthermore, as someone who doesn’t write a single thing down, by doing his act so often, Jay remembers it. It comes out fluently. As for his nightclub act… It’s different from the “Tonight Show,” it’s better, it has to be, because people expect more when they pay. As for paying, Jay will lower his price in Vegas to sell seats. Something you’d never get a rock act to do, especially if the promoter’s Live Nation, they figure the public company can take the hit. But when you do your show and seats are empty, or they’re papered, you know who’s hurt? You!

That’s another thing Jay says, he never took a gig for the money.

Oh, Jay Mohr gets Leno to clarify this. And the point is it’s not about the money, it’s about the gig! If you want to do it, if you think it’ll help you get ahead, go for it. The money is irrelevant. Jay tells the story of becoming the permanent guest host of the “Tonight Show,” when Johnny Carson was still on…

Jay got a call from the agent of one of the other acts being considered for the gig. This agent said the competing comedians had banded together, that they were going to insert a most favored nations clause, that no one would do it for less than $25,000 an episode.

Jay wouldn’t play ball. He said he was going to ask for $512 an episode. Scale. He got the job.

Now this may stick in your craw. Then again, Jay is not one of the guys, he doesn’t want to hang with you, he just wants to work…and people deplore him for this.

Jay didn’t want the money, he wanted the show!

And then Jay references the late night wars, you remember this, when his producer Helen Kushnick put restrictions upon which shows you could do and when if you appeared with Jay. Jay says he was watching TV and he saw a competitor at a Lakers game… He felt the host’s monologue the following night would suck. And Jay taped it and watched it and it did! Because instead of staying home and doing the work, Jay’s competitor lived a life.

And Jay doesn’t go on vacation either…

Like I said, the longer you listen, the more you get this is the guy everybody complains about.

Then again, are showbiz friends really friends? Rock stars give me the time of day, but they’re not really my friend. Steven Tyler invited me to the Bowl, to sit right down front, but he didn’t invite me to the afterparty, where he hung with Johnny Depp until 2 a.m. You see I’m not a member of the club.

And the club’s members are constantly changing, based on who’s hot. Do you really want to fight that hard, to stay in? What if you need someone to pick you up and take you to the hospital, to talk you down off the ledge, who you gonna call? Not one of the rich and famous, certainly not if you were hot ten years ago and are cold now.

Jay knows who he is. And he’s not apologizing for it.

As for making it…

Jay never had a day job. He felt it would take away from his comedy career. Even though he was busted for vagrancy twice on Hollywood Boulevard, even though he slept in the alley behind the Improv in New York. You see Jay needed it that bad. Hell, he said if anybody can put in seven years, they’ll make it. But they can’t change the act because they’re burned out on it, they can’t change direction, they’ve got to keep on going… Most people can’t take the abuse, can’t put in the effort, because no matter how big you are, there’s always someone who thinks you suck, and being on the road is not fun for anybody, certainly not after the first few years. Hell, it’s especially lonely if you’re a comedian.

And Jay told a bunch of stories about gigging at Mafia joints and playing strip clubs and all the lousy gigs he once had. And fascinatingly, he spoke of taking a chance… All the comedians who ruled in Boston but never left, because their acts wouldn’t work in Hartford, they were too Boston-specific. It’s hard to leave your comfort zone, but that’s what it takes to make it.

I knew Jay Leno was gonna make it. Because I saw him at the L.A. Improv back in ’78 and he killed. You see Jay was funny. Not so much because he was naturally funny, but because he worked at it.

And Jay makes a fortune, but by many people’s standards, he’s not reaping the rewards. He doesn’t have a slew of houses, doesn’t holiday on the Riviera, he just does this. Well enough to keep his gig.

We’re going through a comedy renaissance. The old goal of enough recognition to get a sitcom is done. Because those deals are not as prevalent and they don’t pay so well. The oldsters are horrified, because not only are opportunities fading, if you go on the road to build up your “special,” there’s someone with a phone shooting you and your material is up on YouTube the next day.

In other words, the old comedy model is broken.

But it still pays to be funny. You just do it on “Funny or Die.” You post a zillion YouTube clips to build your audience. You appear on one of the many comedy podcasts, where fans are listening, addicted. It’s not just Marc Maron anymore, but Jay Mohr and Jimmy Pardo and Julie Klausner… The comedians are working for free, this is where they get recognized, and the beneficiaries are…you and me, the audience.

Listen to this Jay Leno podcast. To hear his work ethic. He went from having no place to sleep to being on TV five nights a week. There were no tricks, no mirrors, no parents in the business. Just hard work.

And you’ve got to applaud him for that.

Go here: Mohr Stories
Click on “Mohr Stories 78: Jay Leno”, the podcast will start playing in the window below… Leno begins at 2:30.