There are no apps.

I can’t tell you how many people are waiting for BlackBerry 10. I see them with their Bolds, living in the dark ages, protesting they’ve not shifted to an Android or iPhone because they’re waiting for this new product.

Which will be dead on arrival.

It’s like buying a new car and finding out there’s no gasoline. The handset is integral, but the apps are the ecosystem, they’re the indispensable infrastructure.

This world is built on misinformation and ignorance. Listen to the hoi polloi and you’ll never get it right. I still remember a friend telling me he wouldn’t sign up for AOL because it was controlled by Scientologists, so he picked EarthLink, which is the company that was started by members of that tribe. And just today a woman told me she wouldn’t buy a smartphone at all, because if you did all your movements would be tracked. She didn’t know that law enforcement already utilizes the tracking ability in regular cell phones to apprehend criminals, and that you can turn location notices off on smartphones.

Then again, people click on phishing scams every day.

But the point is people don’t know the facts.

I was at the top of Vail Mountain today, at 11,000 feet, and I had LTE on Verizon. Meanwhile, my buddy with AT&T tells me it’s just as good, even though he didn’t even have 3G. Yes, Verizon has a bigger LTE footprint than all its rivals. But try to convince someone with a rival provider, even after you e-mail them the “Consumer Reports” reports!

That’s what loyalty does for you.

It’s hard to gain a customer. It’s not so easy to lose one.

All the bloviating online tells you to beware of alienating just a single customer, that you should sacrifice your personality and rationality for fear of losing one paying person. I’m gonna let you in on a dirty little secret. Very few people bitch. And it takes a long time for your company to lose customers and go downhill. Dell Hell was widespread long before there was a website excoriating the company. As for lost sales…there weren’t that many, Dell’s business model of selling direct when you could buy for cheap at your local office store is what hurt the company. Most buyers were too lazy to switch. They didn’t want to venture into the unknown.

If I get an Android or iPhone, will I get my e-mail? Yup! Probably better than on a BlackBerry if you don’t have an exchange server, and most individuals do not.

As for apps… Most people are still unaware of their utility. BlackBerry users can barely surf the web, never mind check the temperature, read the news and…

So focus on gaining customers. If your product is bad and your service is lousy, you’ll be in trouble over time, but create a breakthrough product and gain your legion first. That’s how BlackBerry triumphed to begin with. Imagine that, e-mail on a phone!

Now young people don’t even use e-mail. And texting on an iPhone is free to other iPhones and for the first time ever, the quantity of texts sent in the U.S. has faltered.

Times constantly change.

You want to change with them.

But know that getting others to change is damn near impossible. Talk to the car brands. They just want to get you in for a test drive. Anything to experience their product. Because they know if you buy one…chances are you’re gonna buy another.

P.S. I’m reading this book “The Chaperone.” I don’t really recommend it, it’s about a woman who chaperones Louise Brooks to New York from Kansas. Fictionalized, of course. Meanwhile, Louise frustrates the chaperone, who ultimately learns there is method in some of Louise’s madness:

“She would owe this understanding to her time in New York, and even more to Louise. That’s what spending time with the young can do – it’s the big payoff for all the pain. The young can exasperate, of course, and frighten, and condescend, and insult, and cut you with their still unrounded edges. But they can also drag you, as you protest and scold and try to pull away, right up to the window of the future, and even push you through.”

Hear any young people bitch about the incomes of songwriters? They barely mention the demise of the album, never mind record company profits. Want to know where we’re going? Interact with the young, they’re literally the future, they’ll show you the way. See any youngsters using BlackBerries? Once upon a time they all had Curves, they’re long gone, because when you’re young you’re fickle, you’re still experimenting, which is why advertisers barely care about oldsters, it’s the young that are impressionable.

Johnny Carson has already been forgotten…

But Led Zeppelin is FOREVER!

In other words, what kind of crazy fucked up world do we live in where the President is black and the national anthem is “Stairway To Heaven”?

One in which the mainstream knows nothing and you know everything. Where hype is irrelevant and we all know the truth.

That it’s been a long time since we rocked and rolled…

And for that matter, it’s been a long time since we did the stroll!

The Buddy Guy tribute was surprisingly great.

But the highlight of tonight’s show was Tina Fey’s introduction of David Letterman. That’s what we revere, excellence. Not good enough, not better than the rest, but superlative, that which makes our jaws drop and marvel in abandon at the ability to perform at the absolute zenith!

Now not a night went by in the eighties that I didn’t watch David Letterman. I was stunned to see Sirajul and Mujibur in the montage, since they were banished for trying to capitalize on their fame, replaced by Rupert Jee, who played along and asked for nothing.

But I was astounded there was no mention of Merrill Markoe. Who invented that show, who’s responsible for all that made Dave famous, the stunts you know and love, from Stupid Pet Tricks to…

But history is a rewrite.

Except for that which is indelible. Like music. You can’t change “Good Times Bad Times.” “The Rain Song” sounds the same as it did when you dropped the needle on “Houses Of The Holy” back in ’73.

And it’s great that Dave gave Ray Romano a gig.

And to see all those Dustin Hoffman movies reminded me of when film was an art form, instead of a worldwide money machine.

But what is truly lame about this show is the performances. Dustin’s a great actor, to watch Liev and Naomi and Billy Connolly act just made me wince.

And give props to Jimmy Kimmel for commenting on the choreographer. Yup, we’re supposed to respect classical music and everything else that’s dying while we cling to pop. Led Zeppelin didn’t need any money from the government to make it. No one has to spend money to keep them in the public consciousness. You see great is undeniable, we’re all drawn to it.

And I love Jack Black, but his enthusiasm didn’t make up for a substandard speech. We needed Wayne and Garth. Two stoners whose lives are not complete without Led Zeppelin IV.

That’s the dirty little secret. This music keeps us alive. That’s why they can never get it right at awards shows, on TV, music isn’t something you see but something you feel. It’s full of energy, it gets the endorphins jumping, makes you believe life is worth living. Come on, would you take a road trip without your favorite tunes? Talk radio only goes so far.

And who doesn’t like Dave Grohl. Thank god he drummed. But the vocal fell…flat.

And give credit to Kid Rock, who picked a tune that fit smack dab in the middle of his range. Bob was an unexpected peak. Going from subtle to extreme, carving out the complete panoply of rock and roll.

And sure, Lenny Kravitz was good. But where’s he been? It seemed this was a placement more than a perfect pick.

And then came the piece de resistance.

We knew they’d end with “Stairway.”

But there’s no more perfect fit than Heart. Ann Wilson made her bones singing Zeppelin covers. And her “Battle Of Evermore” is just about as good as the original.

So, what is usually substandard, the musical tribute, which had us all trepidatious, turned out to be a triumph.

Yo-Yo Ma was singing along. Bonnie Raitt had her hands in the air!

And did you catch the Prez singing along to “Whole Lotta Love”?

Forget the bloviators on the news. Even forget the techies.

Our true rock and roll heroes are…our true rock and roll heroes.

Never forget that not only was Zeppelin true to itself, the band raped and pillaged and did everything the moniker “rock star” now embodies. Not only did they make great music, they created the paradigm. Even Frank Zappa had to comment about the mud sharks…

So, boys and girls, in the year 2013, when the rich have all the money and your future is up for grabs, know that some things never change.

Music is the most powerful medium on Earth.

And Led Zeppelin has more power than anybody.

Sometimes, when you least expect it, you connect with who you used to be, every song triggers a memory, it’s like your whole life is a highway and the feelings you thought were gone forever have suddenly shown up and are now riding shotgun.

I used to live in winter. It was a part of my life. The anticipation, those damp October nights, those dreary November days and then finally December, cold with snow. You stayed inside and played board games. “Wide World Of Sports” was the most fascinating program on television. You went outside in your flannel-lined jeans and romped in the snow and when your clothing had frozen board stiff you trundled up to your front door where your mom made you hot chocolate and you felt fully alive in a way you rarely do anymore.

That’s what’s great about the cold, it’s invigorating. Stay still and you’ll freeze. Keep moving and you’ve got no idea what you’ll encounter.

And today, the last time I looked at the thermometer it was one degree. My nose had that tingling pre-frostbite feeling and when I got inside I slurped down the hot chocolate like it was the elixir of life. There’s nothing better than being warmed from the inside.

And that’s when I put on “Twilight.”

Remember when you traveled with a box of cassettes? When you couldn’t bear being without your music? Today Spotify sits on my iPhone and I have the history of recorded music at my fingertips. Anything I want to hear is just a click away. And I wanted to hear Shawn Colvin. Singing that Band song that no one knows.

Don’t send me no distant salutations
Or silly souvenirs from far away
Don’t leave me alone in the twilight
Twilight is the loneliest time of day

Not when you’ve got the right song in your ears. And in that eerie time before darkness this song was playing and I marveled at the power of music to evoke a feeling, to get the emotions right, to be positively human.

So I pulled up “King Harvest,” from the second Band LP. And not only remembered Brad Weston playing it for me in his parents’ den, but was stunned that this sound was once popular, that once upon a time stardom might arrive, but you didn’t chase it, you focused inward, not out, you wanted to get the music right.

Which had my mind drifting, to Big Pink, to this concoction backing up the bard of my generation, and I pulled up “Tangled Up In Blue.”

Early one mornin’ the sun was shinin’

As I was driving up the access road to Mammoth Mountain. It was May 1st 1975. I’d driven across the desert, eaten at Baskin Robbins for dinner, since I was broke and had a gift certificate for my birthday, and was now where I never was before meeting people I barely knew and this record came on the radio.

And I remembered all that as the song played on.

But reveled in the fact that whatever the song meant then, now it meant something completely different.

When you’re twenty two, the world is your oyster, you’re gonna eat it alive, you’re full of vigor, overflowing with optimism.

Then you get older and waste so much time you find yourself just existing, wondering what’s around the next corner, if anything.

You’re haunted by your memories. You think they’re just that and then you stumble into someone you used to know and they’re just as damaged as you are, but the sight of each other makes your hearts palpitate, there’s a little spark of hope that wasn’t there yesterday, making you feel like this life is worth living, even though the downs oftentimes outweigh the ups.

Christmas Playlist

THE INTERNET

1. It allows me to reach all of you.

2. It puts the history of recorded music at my fingertips. What was once rare is now standing in plain sight. People might be financially-challenged, but music, the elixir of life, is right there for them to grab and listen to. It’s music’s heyday.

PSY

He showed a chubby man could break all the rules to become the biggest star in the world essentially overnight. His music did not sound like the mainstream, he was neither broken nor controlled by radio, and his sheer creativity shone through in his video, which soon became the most played YouTube clip ever.

It demonstrates that what’s inside one’s head is more important than money when it comes to both creativity and music. Just when you think you’re locked out, PSY comes along with the key that shows how to open the door.

JUSTIN BIEBER

Because he discovered Carly Rae Jepsen, he single-handedly took her from a “Canadian Idol” wannabe to international star based on the sheer hookiness and unforgettableness of “Call Me Maybe.” If you don’t think “Call Me Maybe” is a stone cold smash, you’re probably living in Brooklyn and staring at your shoes. Just because something is mainstream and monstrous that does not mean it’s not good. “Call Me Maybe” is a classic. With many more teeth than “The Macarena.” It will stick with kids for the rest of their lives.

Furthermore, the audience no longer sits by and listens passively. A veritable industry exploded on YouTube of “Call Me Maybe”…lip-synchs and parodies. Once again, you might not be rich, but that does not mean you can’t play in the new music world.

APPLE

Because the iPhone 5 is so damn good. Android may sell more units, the stock may be challenged, but using the iPhone 5 is an utter pleasure, akin to having a communicator from “Star Trek.” It’s intuitive and it just works. Remember when the first iteration of technology was crap? Those days are long gone.

KID ROCK

For finally going on iTunes. AC/DC too.

Used to be musicians were leaders, now the stars play last.

Sure, it might have been about the album, but people have been cherry-picking tunes since the advent of the CD. Make a whole album that hangs together with a story and we’re interested, but for all the pontificating that seems to happen twice a decade.

Now if only the holdouts could sign on to every streaming service, from Spotify to MOG to Deezer. Streaming is the way. Did people refuse to put their music on compact discs?

YOUTUBE

Because it’s free. Because everything’s available. Because it’s the nation’s radio station.

However I’ve come to hate the ads. Can’t I just pay ten bucks a year to get rid of them?

GOOGLE

Forget antitrust. Isn’t it incredible that you can get the answers to all your questions immediately? We need no Bing if we’ve got Google.

SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA

For stealing the show at Coachella, and then breaking up, just like the superstars of yore. You’ve got to follow your muse, not the money.

ELECTRIC DAISY CARNIVAL

Caught the powers that be flatfooted and single-handedly made the rest of the industry aware of the power of electronic music. Sure, the sound has been around forever, and ULTRA and other festivals triumphed too, but EDC is like Woodstock. It showed that what the mainstream thought was a sideshow is actually bigger than the main event. Furthermore, EDC, unlike Woodstock, happens every year. And there are more porta-potties!

PAUL MCCARTNEY

For continuing to try. His album sucked. He dyes his hair. But his live show is the best in the world, and he even played with the remnants of Nirvana. Most people are afraid to fail. McCartney keeps trying. Give him props. There’s no one to replace him when he’s gone.

PAUL TOLLETT

Single-handedly started the festival scene in America. He believed, he lost money, but he kept on trying. The site is nowhere near as good as AEG says it is. The sound bleed is terrible. Many in attendance don’t care about most of the acts. But this is the granddaddy, it’s about the experience, it’s done for the fans, and that’s the way it always should be.

LED ZEPPELIN

For not getting back together. For being honored by the Kennedy Center. For never apologizing for past behavior. For being rock stars through and through. You can’t ask for more.

INSANE CLOWN POSSE

For giving meaning to the Juggalos. The downtrodden and the overlooked. We all need someone to believe in. In a nation where everybody envies the rich, the ICP banded together the losers. Give them credit.

NEIL YOUNG

For playing his own Sandy benefit and refusing to join in with the cluster… in NYC. It was about the money as opposed to making the scene. Neil isn’t as admirable as everybody thinks. He loves money. But even more than McCartney, he keeps playing, he keeps taking chances, he follows his own muse, he’s our number one still active rock star.

ROLLING STONE

For finally realizing we live in the Internet era. “Rolling Stone” has better musical updates on the Web and on Twitter than any other music source. Whether everybody will eventually realize this is…another thing.

GILBERT GOTTFRIED

For having the best Twitter feed and refusing to grovel to get his AFLAC job back. When you’re right, double down, don’t apologize.

VERIZON

For rolling out LTE before most people even knew what it was.

ELON MUSK

For being the new Steve Jobs. SpaceX, Tesla…”no” doesn’t exist in Musk’s lexicon. Furthermore, he not only talks the talk, he walks the walk. He doesn’t bitch and moan and say he can’t, he just does. Individuals make up this country. They push the envelope. The Doors were nothing without Jim Morrison and Apple is suffering without Steve Jobs. But thank god there are people like Elon Musk to pick up the slack.

JIMMY IOVINE

For convincing Americans that good sound is worth it. Beats may be substandard, but suddenly crap headphones were no longer good enough. Someday in the future we’ll have enough bandwidth and high fidelity will reign once again.

NATE SILVER

For illustrating that facts and data matter. The days of the bloviator are over. If you operate in a quantifiable field, your opinion means nothing without the data. Music is not a data-driven enterprise, it’s all about concepts and creativity. Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream…and come up with something that positively blows our minds!