The handle on my suitcase broke.

Whom to blame? The taxi driver who extracted it from the well of his minivan, or the baggage handlers at American Airlines, or was it just wear and tear? I want answers! Every problem must be solved! And if you live your life that way you get stuck in the past and never move forward.

So it comes down to repair. But where to go?

Felice has got this guy in the Valley. I called, but he’s out of the “office” until Wednesday, and I’m leaving town again on Saturday, which is a short enough window to begin with, so I took to the Internet.

I can’t remember what I Googled, maybe “luggage repair Santa Monica,” but I ended up on Yelp, and Bedford Shoe & Luggage Repair came up first. I dialed the number. But it was 6:02 and they were already gone. So maybe I’d go with the number two hit. Nah… Half a star might not make a difference, but when I see a negative review right near the top… I saved the web page for Bedford and decided to call in the morning. Which I did. And I proffered my problem. Could he fix it?

I had to bring it into the shop.

Which reminds me of my favorite repair joke of all time. In the back of “MAD” magazine. There was a cigar-chomping repairman delivering a bill for the repair of Telstar, which those under the age of forty might be clueless as to the identity of, but baby boomers know as one of the initial satellites, the one that got all the press. And the government employee is staggered by the billion dollar bill, cheap today, I know, but back then no individual had a billion, the price was stratospheric! And the repairman said…I HAD TO TAKE IT INTO THE SHOP!

I thought that was hilarious. I still remember it. The best jokes, like the best songs, you always do.

So after running some errands in Santa Monica, I journeyed east of the 405, which took nearly half an hour, because of the construction, which on one hand I approve of, but why is it taking so long? Remember those incentives that got the bridge rebuilt so fast in San Francisco after the ’89 earthquake? Why can’t they have them for L.A.’s most traveled freeway?

And after getting a spot on the street, I journeyed inside the aforementioned Bedford Shoe & Luggage Repair, where Sam Goli, I saw his name on the wall, asked him if he was the owner after our transaction, started to dissect my suitcase.

Who knew there was a zipper that removed the lining?

Sam.

Who knew that the loose plate was associated with the trolley handle?

Sam.

You get the point, I was clueless.

Then again, we all are. Back in the sixties, you knew how cars worked, you had to. But then fuel injection replaced carburetion and computers invaded the engine compartment and suddenly, automobiles never left you stranded and you had no idea what made them run. Hell, you don’t even have to insert the key in many modern cars! Why even bother to join the AAA, with maps on your phone and no towing necessary?

Fifty bucks. For the brackets on both sides of the handle. And if that didn’t do it, seventy five bucks for a handle too.

Huh?

I don’t think this suitcase even cost me $200. I bought it in 2007. It’s served me well. Was it time to retire it?

But that would require research and a trip to the luggage store and I was right here, right now, sure!

Never underestimate the price of gas. And last time I checked, they weren’t making any more time. That’s what I’d like back from the last century, some of that time I wasted!

So Sam got out his drill and I held the suitcase at an angle, and he performed surgery right then. It was a miracle! He fixed my suitcase! Hell, he even did extra work, rooting the free-floating trolley plate with a screw. And then he asked me if I wanted a new pull. You know, you fly and the little tab that allows you to run the zipper outside the case breaks off, well, he’d put a new one on for ten bucks.

Ten bucks?

Well, it doesn’t pay to go halfway.

And as I whip out my credit card, I’m thinking how repair is a lost art. But maybe it should be, since every time I get something fixed, it breaks down soon thereafter, you’re usually better off buying new. But there’s such extreme satisfaction in rescuing the past, in keeping something you’ve become attached to functioning. I asked Sam, how did he learn to do this?

He’d been fixing since he was a tyke. He reclaimed garbage, he’d built his own bike from remnants. He’d put in thirty five years, this was his calling.

And as I exited the shop I wasn’t sure I’d made the economically sound decision, but I had peace of mind and a smile on my face.

Chalk one up for the old guard. Everybody’s saying Internet skills are the key to survival. But you can still make a living working with your hands, quite a good one based on these prices.

I heartily recommend Bedford Shoe & Luggage Repair.

And I’m even more of a believer in Yelp.

I’ve got the app on my phone, I wouldn’t leave home without it!

 Bedford Shoe & Luggage Repair

He was a friend of mine.

Too often famous artists are unapproachable, glum, they see you coming and they clam up or run.

But that was not Phil. Phil almost always had a smile on his face. He was open to discussion. He was as passionate and excited talking about the albums of yore as those of tomorrow. He was unknown to most, but to those of us who read the credits…he was a god.

The credits. They started on 45s. Who were these writers? The producers? There was obviously a whole world behind the face, but we really had no idea who they were until the album era. When there were gatefold sleeves and oftentimes all we knew about records what was what was imprinted upon them. That’s where I first remember encountering Phil’s name, all over “There Goes Rhymin’ Simon.”

When the history of rock and roll is rewritten, Paul Simon’s second solo album will be in the top five of all time, it’s just that damn good. I can’t see why it’s been forgotten. All these years later it seems all people want to talk about is Simon & Garfunkel and Paul’s world music forays, and, of course, “Still Crazy After All These Years,” but “Rhymin’ Simon” is Paul’s second masterpiece, after “Bookends.” And it’s the songs, the performances, but first and foremost the SOUND!

“Rhymin’ Simon” sounded as good out of the car speaker as it did pumping from a high end sound system. How did they do that?

Phil Ramone.

Talk to a twenty year old today and he’ll be clueless as to Phil.

But he’ll know his records.

Most of us fade away, those who create indelible art live on, through their work.

Yes, “Rhymin’ Simon” may have curiously faded away, but Billy Joel’s tracks are still front and center. And if you think the artists are similar, you probably believe a pitcher and a shortstop are the same thing. But they’re not.

That was Phil’s skill. He was malleable. He served the material. He didn’t have a sound, unless you want to call it purity. There was nothing between Phil’s records and the listener. No scrim, no static, just sound.

And unlike so many, Phil had success when he was young, and kept on having it as he grew older. You see he had a career, where most believe it’s about a peak of fame. No, you woodshed, you wait for your time, if you’re great, your efforts will lead to more, you’ll triumph.

No one has the patience anymore. But Phil started before the Beatles. Before anyone knew the riches to be rained down in the music business. Now the MTV paradigm reigns. Just make it famous, spam everybody, beat them upon the head until they know. Whereas when Phil began, it was about sound instead of promotion. And upon this foundation, Phil did his great work.

And I knew Phil by accident. Felice’s brother-in-law was one of his best friends. But Phil was always nice to me, he had no airs, and he was open to anything and everything new and exciting. He wasn’t dead, but fully alive.

Although he’s gone now.

Seventy nine years. That’s a good run. Longer than many.

And he never retired. He worked until he passed. Retirement is not an option for someone who loves what he does, who does it so well, he still gets the call.

And that was Phil.

And it’s sad that he’s gone.

But the records live on.

Did I ever tell you the story of getting kicked out of class for putting my feet on the desk?

Well, it was a bit more than that. I had my feet on the desk and the Evidence professor was offended and he asked me a question.

Wrong strategy. I can read. And I did. Just because I wear my collar turned up and find it more comfortable to have my feet on the desk doesn’t mean I’m ignorant. Not only did I answer his question, I asked him a few, which he couldn’t answer.

So he kicked me out of class.

Not that I displayed any attitude. But that’s the educational system, the teachers have to feel they’re better than us. And if we ignore that construct and pierce the veil…dicey times ensue.

And it was the crack of dawn on a Friday morning, the fact I was there at all was a miracle, not because I’m a class-skipper, but because I CAN’T WAKE UP! Left to my own devices I’ll go to sleep later and later, I love the nighttime, I don’t love to boogie, but when it gets dark and everybody goes to sleep I can truly flourish. Which makes it hard to wake up at eight a.m., to drive from the westside to downtown, all to listen to the ministrations of some pompous person. Hell, one of the great moments of the year was the return of Moot Court papers, which had to be anonymous, since they’re overwhelmed with privacy issues in law school, and I got the second highest grade in the class. This guy made a snide remark as he returned my report, he should have APOLOGIZED! Not that I was expecting it, but he’d really put me in a pickle, if I hadn’t gotten back into class my dad would have KILLED ME! Screw the teacher, it was my dad I was afraid of. Hey Dad! You paid all this money and I’m not gonna graduate and it’s gonna cost you even more bucks… I convinced the professor to let me back in, but this is all a set-up for that moment in the late fall of ’76 when I was sitting in gridlock on the 405 and I heard this record.

Ah, the days of radio. Especially in L.A. Where there were FIVE rock stations on the FM. And the two biggest, if not the best, were right next to each other on the dial, 94.7 KMET, and 95.5 KLOS. You’d just twist the dial and go from one to the other. Hell, my Blaupunkt had no presets. And I’m on Wilshire, ascending to the 405, and the deejay announces he’s going to play something brand new and I hear these swirling strings and then a cappella harmonies and then the track proceeds to positively ROCK OUT! For almost TEN MINUTES!

Ah, the seventies.

The song? IT’S A LONG WAY THERE! BY THE LITTLE RIVER BAND!

No, no, no, don’t confuse them with that outfit with the a/c hits, this was before they blanded out the sound, when they were still rockers, before anybody in American knew them…

People on the road are getting nowhere
I’m on the road to see
If anything is anywhere and waiting just for me

It was really a long way to where I was going.

I was going to drop out of law school, but it was the worst year in the history of snowfall in Utah, 1976-77, you can look it up. And then I fell in love and then…

Sometime I’ll tell you my history. I haven’t been writing this drivel forever. Took me years to find my niche. But it’s never too late. I may have little hair, I may be old, but I’m just starting to crest, my peak is still in front of me.

And how can I do it?

PERSEVERANCE AND MUSIC!

Not every track, just some tracks. I put them on and it’s me and them against the world.

But “It’s A Long Way There” is not aggro. It’s positively pleasing.

And maybe you know that.

But if you don’t you’re in for a treat!

What we loved about our seventies music was it was not cookie-cutter, it did not all sound the same, it was a veritable cornucopia of quality.

I left Evidence and drove right to Music Odyssey and bought the brand new Little River Band album, a compilation of two from Down Under, but I didn’t know that, the press hadn’t yet told the story. And it really didn’t matter, because none of the other cuts ever stuck, but “It’s A Long Way There”…

I came home, ripped off the shrinkwrap and dropped the needle and…

Tons of power, big speakers, I had enough sound to blow apart the whole building. Like everybody’s got a wi-fi network these days, we all had stereos. And if you paid enough, a few thousand bucks, a pure elixir of sound emanated from the speakers and soothed you, made you happy.

This was not earbud nation. You could actually see the instruments in the speakers.

And it’s a long way until we’re there again.

But when we are… All those exquisitely recorded gems from way back then are going to come alive, and the populace is going to be THRILLED!

Just check this out.

If you’re not amazed, you’re a jaded punk who thinks music must be ugly to be pretty.

But “It’s A Long Way There” is not.

It’s fantastic.

Rhinofy-It’s A Long Way There

Previous Rhinofy playlists

Starting May 1st, all Warner albums will be funded by Kickstarter.

Perennially third, the smallest of the three majors saw a need to shake it up, to move ahead of Sony and Universal in the game of music production. Lucian Grainge bought EMI, believing it was all about market share, economies of scale…but that’s positively old school. Today you drill down into the niches, you solidify your relationship with your fan base, you grow from the bottom up, not the top down.

Yes, Stephen Cooper has just thrown a curve ball so wide, Doug Morris won’t even see it.

Believing it’s about radio and retail, septuagenarian Morris is putting himself out to his own pasture. Didn’t he get the memo? Newspapers are dying, young people ignore mainstream media, to try to close young people via old media is like insisting baby boomers give up their Lipitor. Raw stupidity. Then again, the music business was always about muscle.

But now it’s about data.

Lucian Grainge hired Steve Barnett to run Capitol…he’d have been better off hiring a nerd, someone who knows the difference between a 0 and a 1…then again, does anybody in the music business truly know how digital works? I think not.

The nerds have inherited the earth.

And Perry Chen is the new Rick Rubin.

You know, Mr. Vibe. Rick doesn’t really produce records, not in the traditional sense. He just drives artists to capture the zeitgeist. And Perry Chen is riding the wave that Laird Hamilton is unable to get Rick to surf. Rick keeps losing his deal, whereas now Perry Chen is the king of deals.

And the man who executes is Yancey Strickler. Who once upon a time worked at eMusic, before he became one of the Kickstarter troika.

Yancey was in L.A. two weeks ago, inking the deal with Cooper.

You see in today’s market you can’t oversell. Oh, you can try to, but it backfires. You have one hit, and then your career is..sh**. We live in a land of one hit wonders. But even PSY got a couple of months. “Harlem Shake” was here and gone in a matter of weeks. You’ve got to play for the long haul. Something Doug Morris has never done, but Stephen Cooper is doing now.

It’s always outsiders that lead the revolt.

So from now on, every act that raises $100,000 on Kickstarter will automatically get a Warner Music contract. Assuming the act wants it. Which in most cases it shouldn’t, but acts are delusional and want a deal so they can tell mommy and daddy they’ve made it.

But there’s another way to get your Warner deal via Kickstarter. If you get 1000 people to donate, you get a deal too. Since most Kickstarter bands don’t have that many fans willing to pony up the bucks, don’t expect Warner to be overwhelmed with new talent.

As for the acts already signed to Warner?

Cooper’s stealth hire is Amanda Palmer. Unable to get anybody interested in her music other than her hard core fans, Ms. Palmer is now going where her talent truly lies, in marketing, in self-promotion. Her TED speech was just the beginning. Cooper had no idea who Palmer was, but when his niece told him at the seder to check Amanda out, Cooper did and pounced.

Palmer is now wrapping up her musical career, and will be holding boot camps for all Warner artists imminently. Unwilling to spend the dough to fly acts to L.A. or New York, Palmer will go on a bus tour across America, meeting with each and every Warner artist in his or her hometown. The blogosphere will light up with hype. This is the story true fans are following, not Lady Gaga’s golden wheelchair, not what’s on TMZ or Radar, those are positively last decade.

Palmer’s gonna teach all those Warner artists the new reality. That your bond with your fans is all that counts. Build up the hard core. Rip them off for as many dollars as you can. It’s all about the cash, baby. Palmer will teach them how to beg and sell, via Twitter, Tumblr and Facebook, even Pinterest! Finally, Blavatnik’s purchase will pay off.

The labels can’t compete with the promoters. It’s Live Nation and AEG that truly pony up the big bucks. But Cooper is smart, he knows that no act succeeds without fans, and that’s what his new strategy is all about, fans.

The old guard is toast.

Tom Windish has made an exclusive deal to represent all new Warner talent. CAA is too self-impressed, saying it can get acts into movies when we all know it’s about TV and the creators are the new auteurs and can’t be told who to use anyway. All the established agencies are missing the boat, they’re about commissions as opposed to talent development. It’ll be the death of them.

As for sponsorship… It’s toast. Now, the fans will sponsor the acts. It’s a direct connection. Heart to heart. In one fell swoop, Mr. Cooper is wiping away decades of music business b.s. As for the rumor that every Warner act will be given a copy of Clive Davis’s autobiography…that was a plant, by Mr. Davis himself, to goose sales, there’s no truth to that rumor.

But what can Warner do for you, after they’ve signed you?

Well, you do get a free pair of Google glasses. And a Nest thermostat, assuming you’re not living out of your car. But via a secret deal, Daniel Ek will promote you via Spotify. With Jimmy’s MOG/Daisy/Beats Music tied in with Universal, Ek is desperate. But Ek knows it’s all about talent, and he’s lining up with the innovator.

Cooper has also made a deal with Jeff Bezos. Every act will get fifteen gigs of cloud storage and their music will be available to all Amazon Prime members for free.

But it gets even better. Mark Zuckerberg will now allow all Warner artists to spam their entire fan base on Facebook cost free, in exchange for a record deal for one Facebook employee per year.

And five Warner acts, not those already signed to the label, but those who come to the company via Kickstarter, will fill guaranteed slots at Coachella. Expect similar announcements to come regarding Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo. Rumor has it ACL will be excluded, since Austinites don’t like to be told what to listen to.

Yes, what Warner is selling is relationships. Which used to be with radio and retail, but are now with the tech set.

Crowdfunding is here to stay. And Warner is guaranteeing results. If you pledge and the act doesn’t deliver, you get the equivalent of your pledge in Warner stock. If you’re under the age of eighteen, no stock will be forthcoming, but you can choose from the merchandise/rewards of other Warner Kickstarter artists.

Cooper is clueless when it comes to music. But he realizes it’s no longer about focusing on the few, but having a relationship with the many. Why sign a band with no following? Why not go with those who have a start, entice them with perks, and then wait for one of these acts to blow up?

And if they don’t, it doesn’t matter! There was no investment! The fans foot the bill!

And ultimately, in two years time, it’s going to take a while to write the code, Kickstarter and Warner will offer funding for tour buses and all the accoutrements of success. Yes, Cooper is gonna load the entire cost of music development and exposure on the fans. And instead of getting 5%, Kickstarter will get 20% of Warner branded exclusive services.

Just when you thought things were settling down, it’s clear that tech and music are becoming even further intertwined, and it’s those who think outside of the box who will win. If you’re doing it the old way, you’re on the road to failure.

Warner Music is not.