They’re dropping like flies.

That’s what they don’t tell you when you’re younger, that you’re lucky to make it to old age intact. You think you’re healthy and then you’re not. But the real story is mutations are plentiful in your body and as time goes by you wear down like an old car. You may love your Accord, but after a couple of hundred thousand miles even Hondas fall apart, you need a new transmission, you need new bearings. But unlike automobiles, most people parts are not replaceable. Wanna know why your favorite band can’t reunite and tear it up like it used to? Because someone didn’t survive and those who are left…half of them have health issues. It’s worse if you’re a musician, the wear and tear of the road, the abuse of the system, but it’s true of all of us. That’s one thing the youth have over the old, their health. My dad used to ask me about my health every time we spoke. I didn’t get it, I took my good health for granted. If only the cancer hadn’t cut him down at the young age of seventy, then I could call him up and say YOU’RE RIGHT, I FINALLY UNDERSTAND!

Andy Johns had the misfortune of having a relatively pedestrian name compared to his older brother Glyn. Come on, you remember Glyn, but Andy?

But when you go through his credits, you’ll be absolutely wowed.

Yes, it’s about songs.

But it’s also about sound!

Andy Johns engineered the heaviest track of all time, Led Zeppelin’s “When The Levee Breaks.” Listening on headphones is like being hit over the head with a sledgehammer, but it feels so good.

And then there’s Jethro Tull’s “Stand Up.” I don’t know why Ian Anderson’s band has been maligned and forgotten, true aficionados consider the debut the gold standard, but I always loved this, the follow-up, best. It sounds like it was cut on a dark foggy street, straight out of Sherlock Holmes. It’s a classic from start to finish, but I especially want to point out the closing cuts on both sides, “Look Into The Sun” and “For A Thousand Mothers.” I can hear the sound of the former without listening to it! Right now it’s playing in my head! It’s as if it’s only the music and you… It takes an engineer to get it right.

And how about “The Stealer,” by Free? Almost nobody knows this positively classic recording. It’s power and sex and sound all wrapped into one. If I do nothing else but turn you on to “The Stealer” with this missive, my mission will be a success.

The list goes on and on, from “John Barleycorn” to “Stephen Stills” to Eric Clapton to Blind Faith to the Rolling Stones…

This guy was there.

And I’ve got no idea what killed him.

And I didn’t even know him.

But his music? That’s part of my DNA!

Andy Johns credits

Andy Johns on Spotify playlist

I don’t want to pay for sports.

I’m not talking a trip to Dodger Stadium, or Staples, but I’m not too eager for that either. I wait until one of my well-heeled friends coughs up a courtside seat, otherwise I just stay home and ignore the whole damn thing.

I didn’t used to be this way. I lived for sports.

But then the Yankees were free on TV.

People think Napster ruined the music business. What they don’t realize is it was a harbinger of things to come. Turns out most people didn’t want the album. Sorry all you musos making and devouring full length statements. With the advent of the CD, albums became so long, you could have sex, take a shower and call your mother and still have time to take out the garbage before they played through. Then again, no one’s as oblivious as an artist. He sells something no one needs, and deep into his own thought doesn’t realize when he loses his audience’s attention.

Kind of like the music business at large. Humming along on overpriced CDs moved by MTV and as soon as people got the option to download just what they wanted, they gave up on the old model.

Kind of like with TV. My cable bill is insane. Of course I want the high speed Internet, the super high speed I pay for. But all those TV channels? I haven’t got time to watch them. I finally canceled Cinemax and Showtime. But what bugs me is sports. Because I’m paying a ton of money for something I never watch, and so are you.

Well, maybe you’re watching, but everybody with a cable subscription is paying. We’re subsidizing your lifestyle. Against the modern welfare system? Then you should be against the cable TV bundle.

But they tell us if they de-bundle it we’ll pay more!

What a load of hogwash. The truth is sports and niche channels profit handsomely via payments from providers, which are garnered by ripping off subscribers. They just don’t want the gravy train to end. But it’s gonna.

The only place where people buy more than they want is Costco. And they do so because it’s so damn cheap. But all the content industries are charging us a fortune, and as soon as the public gains an option, people bolt.

I know, I know, there’s a ton of buzz about “Mad Men.”

Personally, I’m not a fan, I don’t choose to watch paint dry.

But the big story of the winter is “House Of Cards,” on Netflix. Delivered all at once so people can binge. This is the future. Reruns are done. It’s got to be all new all the time on television or we’re tuning out. Remember waiting for new episodes of “Seinfeld”…that model is toast!

As for “Mad Men,” they sell that at the iTunes Store now. Sure, it might cost a Jackson, but at least you don’t have to pay for all the other stuff you don’t want.

What else don’t you want?

The opening act. Once upon a time you got to the show early, believing there was a reason to pay attention to the opener. Now you know someone paid someone behind the scenes and for your $100 ticket you don’t want to be bored, you’ll arrive for the headliner, thank you.

And it’s newspapers too. What kind of model is that? A surface reading of the news so you can sell advertising? I can get the surface on a zillion sites online, believe me, if someone shoots up a school or Congress grinds to a halt, I don’t need a high-priced reporter to tell me the story. But if I want to go deeper…

That’s what is the future. Deeper. Our whole world has flipped over. Rather than blanding out and trying to reach everybody, today you gain and identify your fans and keep feeding them ad infinitum. Charge them while you’re at it, they’re more than willing to pay.

We can ignore the mainstream quite handily. Once upon a time all we had was Top Forty radio. As for that outlet today, I guarantee at least half of my readership has never heard a Rihanna tune…because they don’t have to! It’s not like they’re at home twiddling their thumbs bored, rather they’re deep down into what they’re interested in, which in today’s information economy is readily available.

And ignore the press. The Netflix backlash? Nobody wants to rent a DVD anymore. Reed Hastings was right. Streaming is not only the future, it’s now. If you don’t make your stuff available for streaming, that just means no one is gonna watch it. Sit there self-satisfied. Like those who insist on charging to hear their music. Huh? You’d better make it easy and cheap or free or feel like free, because very few people are truly interested.

Global stars?

Not like there used to be. Because we don’t have to pay attention, we’ve got options.

Cable TV is gonna crumble. It’s gonna happen overnight. Kinda like the switch from film to digital photography. You remember, we were hearing that digital was coming for a decade, but it didn’t. Then, overnight, digital cameras exploded and film disappeared and Kodak went into the dumper.

What else is gonna go into the dumper?

You’ve got to be damn good to have anything more than a tiny audience today. Don’t employ yesteryear’s paradigm, wherein the public partook of less than quality goods because very little was available. To stand out today, you’ve got to be incredible, you’ve got to make yourself necessary.

And no amount of bloviating about basketball is gonna get me to tune back in. I wasted too much of my life watching Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson in the last century, I’m done.

So why am I still paying for you to watch?

That’s the question.

And I’m not the only one asking it.

It’s like going to school.

Back in the olden days, when everybody went to public school, except for the privileged few who prepped and the Catholics with their parallel education system, we were all in it together. Nobody had better shoes, nobody flew to Europe for the weekend, we lived in an egalitarian society, everybody was equal.

Those days are through.

But if everybody was forced to take Southwest Airlines, if there were no private jets and no first class, America would become a better place.

It’s such a different vibe. From the people who check you in to the colloquial flight attendants, everybody seems to like their job and to be having fun. Makes me proud to be an American.

Once upon a time Southwest Airlines only flew in the Southwest and was cheaper than its competitors. Now, Southwest can cost top buck. But you still get two bags free, and peanuts and crackers. Hell, they’re not worried about allergies on Southwest. Yup, you few with your peanut phobias made it so the rest of us could never eat nuts at 30,000 feet ever again. That’s modern America. Wherein one person gets to spoil it for everybody. One person gets hurt on the playground? They remove the monkey bars. One person writes a letter to the television network? They cancel the show. That’s what ruined network TV, the lack of edge, which exists on cable. Because the network producers are too afraid to piss anybody off.

And at Southwest someone realized if you print your boarding pass at home, they don’t need to reprint it when you check in. I’ve never figured that out. Why do I need to replace my paper with yours? Why do you need to put it in a little blue jacket? Furthermore, why do I need my ticket once I’m on board? Yup, when you check in at the gate, get on the plane, the attendant takes your boarding pass and never gives it back!

Then again, it’s open seating on Southwest.

Oh, I know, you can pay extra to get on first these days.

But what I love is lining up. It’s just like in elementary school. All types and sizes in it together. You do it by number, no ad infinitum instructions are necessary. That’s the bane of the frequent flier, the endless repetition of nonsense, like not to leave your bag unattended. Hey! In today’s fearful society, where you can’t let your kid walk two blocks to school alone, do you really think people are going to leave their bags unattended? So they can get ripped off?

Never gonna happen.

And there are other little things. Like no drink cart.

You know the drill. You’re in the front of the plane, not the real front, but the steerage front. And they start wheeling the drink cart down the aisle and you make a run for the bathroom, because if you don’t you’re gonna have to hold it in, despite there being a loo up front. No, even though it’s unoccupied, that’s for FIRST CLASS!

Well, almost no airline has first class anymore, only business class. For the rich and well-traveled to keep away from the great unwashed.

I like the wider seat when I can get it, but am I really any better than the people in back?

Anyway, on Southwest, the attendant takes your drink order and returns with cups on a tray, so the aisle is not blocked. Why no other airline has replicated this is beyond me.

And of course there’s the famous Southwest banter. Hell, almost no one likes to fly, why not make it as pleasant as we can for the few hours we’re up in the air.

The attendants at the other airlines? They’re snarly, certainly the ones in back. It’s like they don’t want to be there and you’re an inconvenience. I don’t know whether they hate the airline or their job or both, but even asking a question, never mind asking for more of anything, always gets their dander up.

But the seats were uncomfortable and the pitch was godawful.

Pitch is the space between seats, i.e. legroom. If you’re a six-footer, good luck.

Then again, the seats are all made for six footers, there’s no lumbar support if you’re any shorter. Then again, the seats were new, whereas even in business on American the metal creeps through the padding and your rear end hurts.

I don’t know what happened to our country. Class is evident everywhere. Hell, not even the upper middle class send their kids to public school anymore. And the religious zealots don’t want to pay for it. And if you go to the public school you oftentimes get a second-rate education. Whereas the privates are all about enrichment and the parents read to their kids and they end up at Ivies and rule the world.

But even if they don’t go to college, the progeny of the rich never slum with the poor. Because income tax rates are so low, and “death taxes” are so low (because we’re saving the theoretical family farm, even though none have ever been lost to inheritance taxes), we’ve got a whole class of nitwits who live like kings with nothing to back it up but their parents’ money.

I know, I know, that’s the American Dream, to get ahead.

But once upon a time, getting ahead meant driving a Cadillac and going on vacation to Florida. Now the rich don’t even fly with the rest of us and the average person has got no idea where they vacation. As for their homes, they’re behind locked gates.

Whereas on Southwest Airlines we’re all in it together. We line up based on when we checked in and we’re forced to all sit in the same class next to people we don’t know who we might not even speak to if we weren’t in such close proximity.

Furthermore, unlike the rest of the airline industry, Southwest makes money, it hasn’t gone bankrupt.

Which begs the question… Is this the way to run America? Putting us all together as opposed to keeping us apart?

There’s hostility on most flights. You see the holier than thou briefcase crowd, the designer dressers. But on Southwest, there’s no attitude. It’s a true democracy. Very instructional.

P.S. It’s the little things that count. Whereas in music we’re always looking to take away what we once gave, kinda like Southwest’s competitors, who charge for bags and would charge to pee if they could. Just because everybody’s doing it the same way, that does not mean you can’t break the rules. But the music business is like the airline business. Lost in the past. Hobbled by legacy. Always asking for mercy. An industry hated by the public, that it endures to get somewhere or hear great music.

I didn’t think I liked ZZ Top.

I think it was their record company. By this time, London had outlived all usefulness, it seemed to be the last stop for those who couldn’t get signed to Warner Brothers, never mind Columbia or RCA. But I was prey to the hype, like touring with farm animals. Yes, it seemed too Texas, but it also displayed a sense of humor, something usually absent from boogie frat rock.

Oh, of course I knew “Tush” and “La Grange,” the same way I knew all those Foghat tunes that were played incessantly every Saturday night on KMET and KLOS. But then something strange happened, I realized I LOVED Foghat… Suddenly, instead of pushing the button, you find yourself singing along with “Slow Ride,” “Fool For The City” and “Stone Blue” and you start testifying to all your intellectual friends how fantastic they are…hell, I STILL think they’re fantastic!

Just like Foghat had to emerge from the shadows of the inferior Savoy Brown, once ZZ Top paid their dues and finished their contract with London, they actually signed a deal with Warner Brothers and I was immediately hooked by an album that didn’t burn up the chart like what came before and what came after, but made me a fan.

The opening track was the hook, the one made to convert us, a cover of the classic Sam & Dave track “I Thank You.” Only one problem, Bonnie Raitt beat them to market with a cover of the same damn track for the same damn label. Huh?

And ZZ Top had never relied on covers before, but there was something about this rendition of the classic soul track. The way it was understated, the way it was stuck in the Rio Grande mud… It wasn’t like they were playing for a hit on the radio, but that you’d stumbled upon them in an out of the way bar, where they were laying down this sexy groove that got all the girls in low-slung jeans to bump and grind and as you sipped your beer you told yourself…I like this, this is all right!

But the most famous song off “Deguello” is “Cheap Sunglasses.” “I Thank You” burned out on AOR pretty fast, but “Cheap Sunglasses” embedded itself on radio stations and never left, it’s a staple. And you think you can resist its magic, and then it breaks down a bit after a minute in and goes off wandering into territory that’s got nothing to do with boogie, that almost verges on jazz, and you find yourself nodding your head and becoming enamored. Magic is rarely formula, it’s delivered when you confound our expectations.

And while we’re on the second side, and we loved our albums because there were two bites at the apple, two completely different experiences, once you purchased the album and played it incessantly you came to love “Lowdown In The Street,” which seems almost like a Bad Company track except for that rock solid muddy groove, you could hear the BBQ and the pork rinds, and that subtle but yet so right guitar work. ZZ Top are white, but they ooze soul.

But really, it’s all about the first side.

Like “A Fool For Your Stockings.” Talk about an album track! Once upon a time albums were not made for radio, oh, a few cuts were, but the heart and soul was made to be experienced on your couch in your living room. If you can listen to “A Fool For Your Stockings” and not nod your head, you’re dead.

And then there’s the second cut, what follows the opener, the aforementioned “I Thank You,” “She Loves My Automobile”… Boogie rock, with a sense of humor and truth.

Still, the piece de resistance is “I’m Bad, I’m Nationwide,” that’s what closed me, that’s what made me a ZZ Top fan, what got me into the band before “Gimme All Your Lovin'” and the rest of the tracks from “Eliminator” closed the rest of the world.

It’s the stuttering intro. Oh come on, don’t you love it? And then the way Billy starts to wail!

But really it’s the lyrics…

Well I was rollin’ down the road in some cold blue steel
I had a bluesman in the back and a beautician at the wheel

Huh? A BEAUTICIAN? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that in a song before!

We going downtown in the middle of the night
We laughing and I’m jokin’ and we feelin’ all right

EUREKA! THAT’S IT!

That’s why life works. You don’t have to be rich, you don’t have to be famous, you’ve just got to have some friends, a machine, some gas and some alcohol, and then you’re LIVING!

I used to live this life. To the point I had to give it up. I was in search of the best night of my life, and when you start doing that multiple nights of the week…

Still, I loved it, the camaraderie, the laughs, the risk-taking, the good times.

Oh, I’m bad, I’m nationwide
Yes, I’m bad, I’m nationwide

HYSTERICAL! That’s how you feel! Leonardo DiCaprio may have poked out from the front of the Titanic and said he was king of the world, but that didn’t ring as true as the lines from this song. Yes, when your life is firing on all cylinders, when you’re surrounded by friends, having a good time, you truly feel bad, YOU’RE NATIONWIDE!

And it just gets better from there, with lines about spike-heel shoes, Lucky Strikes and nylons too. The gold tooth! No winners in “Businessweek” sport one, but the hustlers and pimps think they make them attractive. This is the underbelly of life.

But the real story is as much as we try to climb above, we can all relate to being human, not special, just part of the fabric.

I heard “I’m Bad, I’m Nationwide” on the radio and was infected. Every time I went to my friend’s house in Huntington Beach I had to play it. Eventually I had to have my own copy.

And all these years later Billy F. Gibbons is my friend. AND HE’S THAT GUY! Smart, but in the groove, just like ZZ Top’s music.

Rhinofy-Deguello

Previous Rhinofy playlists