1. If you’ve got a contract and you’re using an aged handset, the joke’s on you.

Built into every cellphone contract is payment for the device. Just like there’s no such thing as a free lunch, there’s no such thing as a free cellphone. Get a new one every two years. And now, if you’re upgrading to a new iPhone, you can get $200 credit for anything back to a 4, so don’t delay. And don’t be holier-than-thou telling us you don’t need one. You do need LTE. And you do need to wake up and realize you’re paying for a new phone every two years whether you’re getting one or not.

2. Record contracts are bad because of leverage.

That’s the American way, you bargain for a result. Gain leverage and your terms improve. How do you gain leverage when dealing with a record company? Bring in results…sales/streams of music and videos, ticket counts and merch numbers. Because odds of success are so low, the label spreads risk over many. If everybody hit, you’d get better terms. Have success and you can renegotiate, or refuse to work, or play out the contract and sign on better terms with someone else. Or, if you believe in yourself that much, you can start your own label. But if you’re bitching about leverage you’re no different from a homeless man decrying he can’t date supermodels, you’re delusional.

As for labels’ refusal to live up to contract terms and account properly, that’s a whole ‘nother issue.

3. Streaming services are the solution, not the enemy.

This has me tearing what little hair I have left from my head. Talk to Daniel Ek, hell, just read some of his interviews. The main goal of Spotify was to fight piracy, and it and YouTube have done a good job of doing this. They both pay, prior to them you were getting nothing. As for downloads…they were always dwarfed by piracy. To make streaming services the enemy is to be ignorant of Internet history. As for better songwriter royalties at Pandora and payment on pre-1972 recordings, those are different issues.

4. All fees don’t go to Ticketmaster.

No matter how much I say this, people still can’t comprehend it. Sure, TM takes a cut, but so do the building, the promoter and sometimes even the act. It’s a system to defraud you and keep the usual suspects in power while protecting the image of the acts.

5. Sprint and T-Mobile service is inferior, that’s why they’re cheaper.

For a generation supposedly immune to advertising I’m stunned that people believe they can pay less and get just as much. Sure, in some markets one service might triumph, but Google will tell you the dominant carrier in America is Verizon, which is usually the most expensive, and therefore the company doesn’t lower its rates, because customers clamor for usability and dependability. If you’re happy with slower speeds and dropped calls by all means sign up with Sprint or T-Mobile, but please don’t point to the ads to say their service is just as good. And don’t e-mail me and tell me your mileage is different, ain’t that America where everybody testifies what they own is the best. Reminds me of skiing, where everybody on the lift says they love their skis…that’s right, they paid for them!

6. Japan builds the most reliable automobiles.

Doubt me? Just check the “Consumer Reports” ratings. You may think you’re saving a few bucks on an American car, but just compare residual values, never mind repair costs. If you’re broke, I have sympathy for you, but if you’re cheap, I don’t. You get what you pay for, and sure, luxury items may be overpriced, but frequently a deal is anything but.

7. Most people are not power users.

Those are the primary consumers of Android phones, the techies and the cheap. Sure, some iPhone customers buy for fashion, but most Apple acolytes are adherents to the ecosystem because their devices integrate seamlessly and just work. Some people soup up their cars, most people are satisfied with stock.

8. BlackBerry is history.

My inbox is populated with BlackBerry owners testifying about the new Passport. Well, it finally came out and the reviews are not good. The primary complaint is the keyboard sucks! If you think BlackBerry handsets can come back, you probably believe Gerardo and Jimmy Ray can have another hit.

9. Samsung is being challenged at both ends.

iPhone is distinguishing itself at the top and cheap Chinese Android phones are squeezing it at the bottom. To survive you’ve got to have your own software as well as hardware, your car not only has to look good, but drive well. Samsung is the new Sony. At least in mobile devices. A premium player who became an also-ran when the products it manufactured became commodities.

10. Google before you ask.

When someone e-mails the most basic of questions I laugh, have they never heard of the Google Machine? Which will not only tell you all about your ex-girlfriend, but how to fix your device and link you to all the information you’ll ever need. Google first, ask questions later.

GM recalls a plethora of cars, will it only be minutes until Apple recalls the complete run of iPhone 6 and 6 Plus?

Corporations… That’s why you can’t trust ’em, they’re only in it for the money. Where’s Frank Zappa when you need him? We bend over backward to lionize these enterprises with no center and no morals and are then surprised when they abuse us?

Let me put this more simply, should I buy an iPhone 6?

Call it a first world problem. While you’re at it, call our entire lives first world problems, I hate that knee-jerk reaction. It’s a way of showing your superiority when the truth is we’re all in it together and the way we connect is with our mobile devices and this is especially true in third world nations, where there is no wired infrastructure. If you don’t think defective phones would screw up India, you’ve never ventured outside our borders.

Now Apple has not weighed in on this yet, but the company will.

I was ignoring it until someone linked me to this video:

iPhone 6 Plus Bend Test

Turns out you can just bend the iPhone 6 Plus with your hands!

I’ll be clear, I keep my mobile phone in my front pocket. I’ve been wary of back pocket storage ever since my wallet fell out back in high school, never mind the warnings about rear end theft. And I’ve wondered forever if I could damage my mobile device by putting it up front, but I had faith in the manufacturer and alas, I’ve yet to have a problem.

Until now.

This is what happens when you put designers in charge. Yup, Jony Ive has been elevated to guru savant by not only Apple, but the country at large. As if looks trumped usability. As if we were all complaining that our phones just weren’t thin enough. In search of cool, Ive has now literally broken our phones.

Now what?

The speed with which this story has ricocheted off the web is truly astounding. As for conspiracy theories, I think those are now toast. Everybody talks and everybody listens, nothing goes unaired.

And sure, the Android people are out to get Apple.

But come on, I can bend my iPhone via regular use? An item that costs close to a grand, even though I may be putting no money down?

Yup, the carriers want to lock us into contracts. They love when you don’t upgrade, they’re just skimming more money from you. But I’m not that stupid, I want to get a new phone. But now I’m not so sure.

So after the public comes the media vultures. This story will be all over the straight news soon. That’s how it works today, it goes from us to them, from the internet to the news behemoths who do no reporting but insist we listen to them.

And then the financial universe will get ahold of this. And shenanigans will ensue. Not only outcry, but stock volatility.

And what exactly is Apple supposed to do here?

Stop production, stop selling. That’s what Fitbit did with its Force, when it turned out the device irritated skin. That’s what Lululemon did when it found out you could see through its clothing.

I don’t want to hear no namby-pamby admonishments to be careful with my device. Why don’t we just keep our cars in garages so they don’t get damaged. Why don’t we live in hotel rooms so our houses have no wear and tear. Why don’t we stay out of the sun so we get no skin cancer.

That’s the society we live in today. You get no tech help and if you raise your hand and complain everybody says it’s your fault and you should adjust your behavior.

And sometimes this is true. There are professional complainers. And others that believe buying a product guarantees perfection ad infinitum.

But is it reasonable to believe your phone shouldn’t bend with normal use?

I’d say so.

iPhone 6 or 6 Plus?

What did John Lennon sing? “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”? I’d like to add an analogue to that. You can make plans, but they’re going to be disrupted.

Why is everybody incompetent?

When last we left my tire saga Pep Boys was going to get in touch with Michelin and decide on a discount for replacement tires. Ultimately I received 45%, which is a pretty good deal. But when I showed up yesterday to get them installed, they were the wrong ones, 87V instead of 91W. V and W are speed ratings, for the uninitiated. And actually, V is enough, and the salesman tried to get me to accept them, but the Michelin website said my car needed W’s and aren’t I entitled to get what I want?

That’s another frustration of society. Distribution is imperfect. Salesmen don’t have relationships. Their goal is to get you out the door lighter in the wallet knowing that either you’ll never come back or they’ll be gone when you do.

Which is why I’m uptight about standing my ground. Oh, I know that’s a conundrum. I want what I want but I’m afraid to insist upon it. Maybe because of my OCD, maybe because of so many anxious interactions previously. That’s how life has gotten, if you want to make a stand, if you want to get it right, god forbid you want to get it perfect, you become the target of derision, everybody laughs at you. And it takes a strong personality to be able to endure this. And I’m not always so strong.

So I went back today and they blamed it on the warehouse. The Pep Boys outlet had ordered the right tires, but had been shipped the wrong ones. They’ve got to special order mine, they’ll be in at the end of the week.

And I felt relieved. That the clerk didn’t excoriate my personality.

And from there I went to Santa Monica Place.

Once upon a time it was a Frank Gehry structure filled with failing businesses. But now they’ve reconstructed it to be hip, and it has me wondering, is shopping now just entertainment? I mean why leave your home when you can order online and return so easily.

But I still hate to shop. I was on a mission to the Apple Store. I wanted to decide on a new iPhone.

You see Verizon has offered me an early upgrade. In case you  missed it, the carriers are in a war to get you to stick, they’re all offering $200 off a new iPhone, yup, you get credit for your old one in that amount, even if it’s really old, like a 4.

But the question is which one to get?

Used to be you wanted your mobile device to be smaller, now you want it to be bigger. But how big?

And I haven’t been to the Apple Store on the Promenade since it moved. Since I go nowhere, especially if parking is challenging.

And what made me aware of its location was the line.

Was I really going to have to wait in line just to evaluate the new iPhones?

Turned out I didn’t.

As the Rooftop Singers sang, I walked right in.

And was confronted with the decision of the fall. Big or small. iPhone 6 or 6 Plus.

I want the Plus. I want to be cool. But fiddling with it my thumb started to ache, it was hard to reach the corners.

But when I’m stuck in the airport or waiting for an appointment and I want to read the “New Yorker” won’t I enjoy the larger size? Even more importantly, if I get the small one will I be judged?

Yes, I’m just that shallow. Like SUVs before them, mobile phones are now status items. It’s not only functionality you’re interested in, but how you look.

And speaking of look, I was stunned by those in attendance.

You see in the modern world I rarely leave my abode. Because it’s just too challenging, and all the entertainment is home on the screen.

But after being in Utah I’ve got the urge to disconnect, to let go of the tether and venture out into the world. I used to do this on a regular basis, the movies were my passion, but when I walked past the Cineplex Odeon on the way to the Apple Store I only recognized one of the films on the marquee.

And why exactly is everybody out here? Are they tourists or locals or all interested in the iPhone?

And did they look in the mirror before they left home?

I’ll admit I almost wore my shorts with the stain. But the prominent bellies and visible bra straps and the plethora of flip-flops had me wondering exactly what was going on in the brains of these patrons.

You see society has flipped. Used to be the stars were admired, now they’re torn down, because the individual is important. And the longer you live the less looks matter. You try to see through the countenance to who the person really is. Despite our fixation on our devices it’s we who really count. We fill them up. With texts and photos documenting our lives. We connect in ways previously unfathomable.

And it’s all so fascinating. Millions of unique identities. All with their own friends and families, their own hopes and desires. Yearning to be known.

I think I’m gonna get the 6.

NAPSTER WOULD KILL CREATION AND NO ONE WOULD MAKE MUSIC

Just the opposite has happened. With new tools for production and distribution that bring the cost of creating and getting your work out at close to zero it seems like everybody’s got a song in them. More people are making more music than ever before, leaving the audience overwhelmed with productions.

MUSIC IS FREE

It just feels that way.

America’s #1 music service, YouTube, pays rights holders, as does Spotify. Can we stop the mantra that music is free? Sure, piracy exists, but it always did. If you think kids are busy stealing instead of streaming you probably went to the Apple Store to stock up on the discontinued iPod.

MAJOR LABELS ARE DEAD

They’re more powerful than they’ve been in a decade, because they have the relationships and cash to get their productions heard.

MICROSOFT IS AN INVINCIBLE MONOLITH THAT MUST BE STOPPED

It stopped itself by failing to innovate, by being eclipsed by others in the marketplace. This paradigm works in music as well as tech. Sure, people want to hear old tracks whereas they’ve got no desire to use old computers, but if you’re not cutting something new and great on a regular basis you’re fading in the rearview mirror.

TICKETMASTER IS THE ENEMY

Acts are the enemy. Because they won’t go to all-in ticketing. Ticketmaster fees are promoter profit. As for getting all seats in the venue on the manifest…now that’s a challenge.

STREAMED CONCERTS ARE THE NEXT FRONTIER

The Allman Brothers were pioneers, their revenue tanked. Turns out people want to be there. It’s not so much about the sound as the experience.

TAPES/HARD DRIVES ARE ANATHEMA

ELO and Milli Vanilli were castigated, now everybody uses them.

LUCIAN GRAINGE CANNOT REPLACE DOUG MORRIS

Oh yes he can. Then again, Doug Morris single-handedly rejuvenated Sony Music. If only Doug knew something about tech.

TABLETS ARE FADING

They’re just merging with phones. They are now the computing device of record. A large hand-held is many people’s only device. If you don’t have a mobile strategy, if your site doesn’t render properly on a phablet (phone/tablet, get it?), you’re losing ground. Don’t forget, Facebook’s stock burgeoned because they figured out mobile.

INSTITUTIONS ARE BIGGER THAN STARS

No, they’re not. Nate Silver has credibility and gravitas. Anybody can write about data, that doesn’t make them worth following. How come the “New York Times” knows it’s about stars on the Opinion page, but not elsewhere in the paper?

THE LONG TAIL

It’s out there, but no one is buying it.

THE APP ECONOMY

Turns out we’re all gravitating to apps, it’s inherent in the move to mobile, but everybody expects them to be free.

OBAMACARE WILL BRING DOWN THE PRESIDENT AND TURN EVERYBODY INTO A REPUBLICAN

When you lose the war, move on. The future is about new ideas, not hashing over the past. Turns out people wanted affordable health care and despite hiccups in the system, it’s turning out just fine. You can argue with me, but you’d be proving the point.

IF YOU WORK HARD YOU WILL BECOME RICH

The rich start with huge advantages, in America we’ve got a self-perpetuating underclass.

MUSIC DRIVES THE CULTURE

We haven’t had that spirit here since 1989. Tech drives the culture. But tech is not art. Art trumps business every time, but it requires true artists to accomplish this, trained people willing to color outside the lines.

NO ONE WILL PAY FOR RADIO

Sirius XM has nearly thirty million subscribers. If you don’t, you’re the one left out of the party. Being cheap has consequences.

YOU CAN COMPETE WITH HBO

There are a limited number of quality writers and producers. HBO gets first pick, that’s where the talented want to go. Sure, there’s overflow left for Showtime and Netflix, but not much.

FLATTENING DISTRIBUTION WOULD ALLOW PREVIOUSLY MARGINALIZED ARTISTS TO FLOURISH

Turns out there weren’t a ton of unsung artists rejected by the major labels who did not get their chance. And now, more than ever, as a result of the Internet, quality can be found. Turns out there’s just not that much quality out there.

TELEVISION COMPETITION SHOWS ARE RUINING THE MUSIC BUSINESS

Not a single star has been minted by “The Voice.” “American Idol” has faded to near irrelevance. If you’re focusing on the TV paradigm to explain your lack of traction and the vapid music of today, you’re just wrong.

THE SPITZER AGREEMENT WOULD PAVE THE WAY FOR INDIES AT RADIO

Just the opposite has happened. Playlists are completely dominated by majors.

PUBLICITY EQUALS SUCCESS

We can ignore everything, and the more we’re beaten over the head with something, the less likely we are to imbibe/check it out.