1. You Need A Partner

There’s a reason why spouses get fifty percent in community property states, because you don’t make that money alone, you depend on the counsel and soothing of your significant other. Furthermore, the inability to force one spouse to testify against the other in court speaks to the bond between the two.

In other words, there’s a reason why the most powerful people are in relationships. It takes two. Someone you can trust, someone who’s got your back, someone who will not scorn or question you but defend and understand you, and nudge you in the right direction if necessary.

We all need a sounding board. But we’re all fearful that information can be used against us.

Your sounding board is at home.

Choose well.

Find someone who shares your hopes, dreams and desires. Someone who won’t divorce you when the going gets rough. Someone who’s willing to get down in the trenches and fight not for what’s right, but you.

2. You Can’t Worry What People Say About You

If you want to be liked, join a social club. But business, like politics, is for winners, not joiners. You’re gonna make enemies. If for no reason other than some will become envious. You need a thick skin to play hardball. And the ability to ignore those without power who abhor you, and sidle up to those with power who hate you. Ever notice that everybody at the top of business knows each other? All the tech titans, all the record industry giants? It’s because they rely on these relationships to get them what they want, and know it’s only these people who can prevent them from reaching their goals.

3. Don’t Be A Wimp

If you’re not willing to stand up and give back, stay out of the arena. A powerful person runs right over sycophants, he or she only respects someone who stands their ground and pushes back when necessary. This is the signal you’re a real player. Once again, it’s not about being liked, those at the top are not concerned with this, rather it’s about showing that you understand power and are willing to use it.

4. Know The Game

We’re learning until we die. Every day you learn what you did not know before. If you’re not willing to re-evaluate your choices and positions, you’re going to find yourself left behind. With age and experience comes wisdom. If you think you know everything, you’ve got blind spots. And there’s always something we don’t know. Cultivate those with expertise outside your primary focus. Because you’re going to call on them at some point in the future, you just don’t know when. And choose enemies wisely. Having said that, power players respect other power players who are willing to burn bridges. Because although it’s the primary move of the amateur, it’s the ace in the hand of the professional. If someone is willing to cut you off, that means their agenda doesn’t square with yours, and they might be trouble in the future.

5. Align Yourself With Winners

Few understand this. They’re so busy worrying about who’s nice and friendly, who they can trust, that they don’t realize very few people control the back line of pieces on a chessboard. The pawns are up front, ready to be taken at will. But the King is protected, and the Queen has the ability to move in ways no other piece possesses, speaking to point number one above.

If you want to go all the way, you’ve got to play with the number one player, the survivor, the person who knows where all the bodies are buried.

6. Learn How To Say Yes

Anybody can say no. It takes you out of the game. But saying yes… Too many are afraid. Of the unknown. Of the consequences. But if a power player gives you your chance and you waffle or say no, you’re passed over, forgotten. You’re a pawn in the power player’s game. Feel good that you’ve been chosen. If you believe you’re being sacrificed, you aligned yourself with the wrong people. You’re a soldier, pledging fealty. An underling who argues with a power player frequently finds himself in a cul-de-sac, his career stalled.

7. Success Is A Power Game

Can you get your e-mail returned? How fast?

That’s the demonstration of your power, your reach. Sure, money helps. But power players rip off the rich on a regular basis. Because having cash does not mean you know how to play the game. True power is the ability to get your vision exercised. And this can only be done if you understand the game and what reactions will be, who you can trust and who you cannot.

8. Eat Or Be Eaten

You might not want to make it to the top, but that guy sitting next to you…he might feel otherwise, he might be hungry to move up the ladder. So be suspicious. Be on the lookout for agendas. It’s show BUSINESS, not show FRIENDS!

And the winner is… SAMSUNG!

Ellen uses an iPhone backstage, but when it comes to taking the Oscar selfie…she kowtows to those who pay, just like the rest of these besuited actors who bend over and take it up the rear regularly…come on, did you hear them use their time to thank anybody and everybody as opposed to saying something important? Then again, I think Matthew McConaughey was trying to make a point, but I couldn’t understand it through the bongo drums and the smoke.

And then you’ve got Ellen DeGeneres, who actually does a good monologue and then devolves into her daytime routine. Hey Ellen! If I wanted to stay home and watch fake people be nice not only would I not have a life, like your audience, I’d believe we all live in a sunny land where there is no poverty and happiness reigns.

Ick.

Unlike in South Africa…

Yes, that was the highlight for me, U2’s performance of their Mandela song, which is B grade at best, but whose performance smacked the ball so far over the fence that the audience sat there like they were watching “Springtime For Hitler.”

Yes, Bono overemoted. Yes, Edge won’t remove that ridiculous cap, when being bald is no longer a criminal offense that prevents you from ever getting laid again. But Adam and Larry played acoustically and the whole thing had a level of subtlety, intensity and meaning that the rest of the show lacked.

Hell, I’ll even say Karen O’s performance had some gravitas, but Pharrell should retire the silly hat and realize dancing with nobodies does not enhance your career after busting a move with Emily Ratajkowski, and Pink didn’t fly but she oversang and Bette Midler…should have sung “Friends,” because that’s what the movie business is all about, relationships. Unlike music, it’s a team effort.

Or, as Eddie Rosenblatt so wisely put it after Andy Rooney’s ridiculous excoriation of Kurt Cobain on “60 Minutes”… “Movies when done right are larger than life, music when done right is life itself.”

And yes, U2’s performance was life itself.

And Jared Leto gave a shout-out to his band, equating this inane ceremony with the MTV VMAs, where it’s all about promoting your next track, and I was stuck in the middle with you.

I could barely watch. Because what was on my phone was much more riveting. Frank Rich was incensed and Steve Martin got an Oscar but he was tweeting from home and I didn’t bother to tweet whatsoever, because in 2014, no one’s paying attention, they’re too busy being a star themselves.

As for Ellen and company breaking Twitter… What’s next, you gonna break Smith Corona? How about Packard Bell? That’s the movies for you, always one step behind. You couldn’t at least make a WhatsApp reference?

But all we got was pizza. I mean we’re sitting at home, wondering when we’re gonna get out of Africa, the dreaded middle wherein the show has lost its way and you’re wondering if it will ever come back and…Ellen is doing shtick? This was the drum solo of the Oscars, the superfluous moment when you get to pee, but are afraid of getting up for fear you’ll miss something.

As for who won… The people keeping the industry alive, by going to see “Transformers” and “Iron Man,” weren’t even watching at this point, if they’d ever tuned in at all. Yes, while the industry was congratulating itself, the audience had moved on.

Does it remind you of another entertainment monolith? That known as the RECORD BUSINESS?

CD profits were huge, the companies were rolling in dough, and when the public got a chance, it moved on.

As people have done today. But they’ve moved to TV. Yes, I couldn’t wait to get home and watch the penultimate episode of “House of Cards,” which riveted me in a way this 200 plus minute hegira in the desert never did. Then again, I’m not going to the theatre to see “Wolf of Wall Street,” because I don’t want to see Scorsese whack off for almost as long. Oh, Marty’s good, but not that good, because he’s so busy getting the look and the emotions right, he’s sacrificed story.

Oh, I speared a sacred cow!

But if you think Marty Scorsese is my hero, you could probably understand why the show had a theme and what it meant, I certainly couldn’t.

I’ve got some movie heroes. Francis Ford Coppola, who made the best movie ever, “Godfather II.”

And excommunicated prick Peter Bogdanovich, who had an exquisite three movie run before he lost the plot…I WANT MY TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!

And I’ll even throw in George Lucas, not for “Star Wars,” but “American Graffiti.”

And I’ll exclude Spielberg, because he’s a hack. Blame him for where we’re at. Where they pull the heartstrings and make it about visual effects and you leave feeling you’ve been on an amusement park ride, but you’ve learned nothing about life.

As for the makers of the early flicks, the people today’s youngsters know nothing about, from Orson Welles to William Wyler to Billy Wilder, I’m all thumbs-up. Those were the golden ages, the same way the classic rock era was music’s Renaissance. You get big grosses today and nitwits with numerous number one hits but there’s no meaning there.

Which may be why everybody’s glued to the other screen, their phone or the tablet, during the show.

I certainly was.

On my phone I was in control. I could bounce from topic to topic, I was in a living pinball machine of endless stimulation.

That’s right, my attention span had been disrupted.

That’s the key word of the twenty first century, DISRUPTION!

It happened to music, it happened to cabs and it even happened to telephones.

That’s right. There’s scores, nearly millions of youngsters who know the calcified entertainment industries offer no opportunity, so they’ve all gone into tech, looking for ways to shake things up, and make a ton of money in the process. Only old farts play by the rules anymore.

That’s right, watching the Oscar telecast reminded me of nothing so much as going to school, wherein when I questioned what was going on, I got blank stares and put-downs in return, I had to respect the INSTITUTION!

And the Academy is so busy respecting the institution of the Oscar telecast that we’ve lost interest.

David Letterman disrupted late night TV.

What does Jimmy Fallon do in response? THE SAME DAMN SHOW!

But NBC fired Jay Leno because they didn’t like his demographics, irrelevant of the fact that he won every night. You see the money is in the youth. And the Academy knows this. But is unable to shake the preconceptions of the aged white men who comprise it.

So here goes…

1. It’s television. Make it an interesting watch. And tighten it up. No one’s got time for hour plus albums and no one’s got time for 200 plus minute award shows.

2. Deliver the unexpected. Give out major awards first.

3. Change the venue. Do remotes. Do taped segments. Have us sitting in front of the flat screen wondering what you’re going to do next, afraid to turn the damn thing off.

4. “Seinfeld” was the most successful sitcom ever because it had a “no hugging, no learning” rule. The Oscars need the same thing. No, we all don’t love each other and every movie does not end on a high note, at least the good ones. We want truth, we want edge, we don’t want a celebration of pricks who are worried where there next paychecks are coming from.

Then again, at this late date, we know “Seinfeld” triumphed because of the irascible outcast Larry David, whose writing resonated because at heart we’re all outcasts, not insiders.

So put Judd Apatow in charge. Have it scripted by Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Make references to McLovin. Pay fealty to the people who actually go instead of this faux presentation wherein for one night a year we forget what the business truly is.

Like the Cars said, it’s time to SHAKE IT UP!

Before someone else shakes it up for you.

Oh, that’s right, television already has.

TV dominates dinner and the water cooler.

Rather than endless hype and wait, Netflix delivers all thirteen episodes of “House of Cards” at once.

Then again, Reed Hastings built Netflix. It’s his ego and his money on the line, whereas no one’s built a successful studio in decades (DreamWorks Animation and the Weinstein Company don’t count, they’re outgrowths of what came before). The techies are all about personal triumph and changing the world. Everything’s up for grabs. They don’t play to what once was because they understand tomorrow is much more important than today.

So, so long Ellen DeGeneres. Loved your put-down of Liza Minnelli (do she and Kim Novak actually think they look good?), but if I want middle of the road I’ll tune in Wayne Newton, or maybe Grayson Chance.

So long Samsung, you’re just like the movie business, endless me-tooism, no originality.

And so long so many of those in attendance, who will probably never get inside the building again, never mind win an award.

And hello you and me. We rule. We’ve got options. We won’t waste our time on mediocrity.

And I must declare…this is the first time ever where I felt if I missed the Oscar telecast…I’d have missed nothing.

RIGHT

The simulcast. The Grammys and music will never get the respect they deserve until they respect themselves. When you’re beholden to Les Moonves, you’re beholden to someone who only cares about ratings and his paycheck. When will Neil Portnow grow a pair of balls and stand up to CBS?

That’s right, never.

WRONG

Ellen DeGeneres.

If you’re trying to move forward, you don’t play it safe. Then again, safe is what the movie industry has become. If it can’t play around the world, if it can’t have sequels, they’re not interested.

RIGHT

Nominating the best pictures, irrelevant of box office success. Once you kowtow to the minions you sacrifice your mission.

WRONG

Ten nominees for Best Picture, or is it nine? I don’t know, but by trying to create a big tent and include everybody the Academy has diluted the water and made it hard for all of us to wrap our head around the awards. We live in an era of cacophony. We want people to whittle evidence down. If you’re giving me too much choice, I walk on by. Just talk to a salesman… Everybody who’s ever plied the floor knows you only show two items, after that…the customer becomes confused and leaves empty-handed.

RIGHT

Small theatre.

The Kodak, er, Dolby, grants intimacy and gravitas. We live in a world of walls. If I can’t get in, I’m intrigued. Moving the Grammys to an arena just means more irrelevant people in monkey suits can get inside.

WRONG

Making us sit through so much we don’t want to see. Credit the Grammys with realizing most people don’t want to see classical and other “niche” genres and giving us all stars all the time. The Oscars move so slow you’d think they’re an advertisement for crock pots. If it was screened for a studio head, it would never get a release. First and foremost it’s entertainment, you want people to watch, SO MAKE IT ENTERTAINING!

Furthermore, no one cares who wins the small awards. Give ’em out fast and get ’em over with, or just televise the awards people care about, like the Grammys. We don’t care about your stinking short. In an era of blockbusters, we only want what flies above. As for tech people… Engineers are key to recordings, but they don’t get airtime on the Grammys.

RIGHT

Few awards. No, this is not a contradiction. The Grammys have way too many categories. Winning is not special. There are businessmen who have many, even Presidents. If you haven’t been nominated for a Grammy, you don’t make music.

WRONG

Letting advertising trump essence.

We’re subjected to months of meaningless ads trumpeting films for victory but there’s very little focus on the films themselves, we don’t get long clips until the Oscar show itself. Make twenty minutes available online. Have documentaries detailing what the not on screen people do. They call it the Information Age, but all the Academy delivers is hype. And gloss. We want the seamy underside, and I don’t mean who slept with who, although we want that too, but how these films got made. Have Scorsese testify about the making of “The Wolf Of Wall Street.” Christian Bale talking about how he prepared for his role in “American Hustle.” Build some culture around the nominees, it will benefit both the show and movies, for without culture you’ve got nothing.

RIGHT

Ad libs. Live is all about spontaneity. We don’t want it perfect, but memorable. About all I remember from last year’s show is Jennifer Lawrence tripping on the way up to win her award.

WRONG

No fan involvement. You want us to watch, but you don’t let us get involved. How about a contest wherein winners get Academy screeners? And the person with screeners who gets the most categories right gets to go to the show the following year and be on camera. We live in a social world, but the Oscars are not social. They’re all about exclusivity. And those involved don’t realize we’re making fun of them behind their backs.

RIGHT

Tradition. It adds gravitas.

WRONG

Giving awards to those who don’t deserve one. Oprah? Doesn’t she have enough money and accolades? Wanna honor her, let her host! That’s what she’s famous for, that’s what she know how to do.

RIGHT

Jack Nicholson. Because he’s known for doing it his way, and he’s cool.

WRONG

The sycophantic TV hosts who we don’t know the name of and are so busy fawning over the stars we want to puke. And if I hear one more idiot asking “Who are you wearing…” Shouldn’t there be an app for that?

RIGHT

Limiting the endless speeches wherein the winner thanks everybody who might get them another job.

WRONG

Playing off the people we actually want to hear. Can’t someone make a judgment as to who is actually interesting and let them keep going?

Or, instead of playing people off, give awards for the speeches…shortest, most intriguing, funniest… Get the public to vote and give cash prizes that are donated to the winner’s charity of choice.

WRONG

Length. It’s kind of like George Carlin’s riff on baseball…we don’t know when it’s gonna end, it could go on FOREVER! It’s a relief when it’s finally over. And give Trent Reznor props for bitching about being cut off at the Grammys, no one will say a negative word tonight, because they’re afraid they’ll never work again.

WRONG

The air of formality. They play derelicts by day but we’re supposed to respect them at night? Can’t someone come in a t-shirt, can’t someone say something dangerous?

WRONG

The production numbers. You can’t sell a movie musical, but one night a year, when everybody’s watching, you subject them to endless minutes of dancing and warbling… Ugh.

WRONG

Casting past winners on the scrapheap. If you’ve ever won, you deserve a ticket. Yes, I’m talking about you Mira Sorvino.

WRONG

The delay between the end of the year and this show. The NFL only takes two weeks off before the Super Bowl, why does the Academy take two months?

WRONG

The failure of most people to see most of the nominees. Everything that’s nominated should play on Netflix, for a month, a week, maybe even a day. Yup, the Sunday night before, everything is free online. Can you imagine the mass hysteria? De La Soul gives away ancient music online for free and everybody knows about it, the Academy airs the Oscars and most people will NEVER see the movies.

WRONG

Faux respect. Just because you made it, just because you’re in the building, that does not mean we’ve got to make nice, especially since so many are money-grubbing pricks. MTV realized controversy sells their yearly VMAs, we all remember when RuPaul and Milton Berle got into it, we remember almost nothing about recent Oscar telecasts other than…that streaker before most of the wannabe audience was born.

WRONG

The producers. All caught up in movie glory, all the crap no one cares about. Give credit to Ken Ehrlich, at least he knows the Grammys are a TV show! You hire a professional to do a job, not someone who’s never done it before. Ever notice the movie stars are wooden live? Which is why we don’t get them to host, they suck. Just ask James Franco.

WRONG

The inability to acknowledge most of us watch most of our movies at home. Hell, who wants to go to a theatre with texting and sticky floors and start times that are never convenient. How about a new award for MOST STREAMED! Or at least release some data as part of the run-up to the telecast.

RIGHT

TCM’s 31 days of Oscar. The channel respects films in a way the Academy does not. It’s about the picture, stupid. And that’s based on the plot. And if you want people to respect the art, you’ve got to make it. You’ve got to enable artists and stop funding comic book action flicks whilst complaining your hands are tied.

BOTTOM LINE

The Oscar show, like the movies themselves, are in terminal decline. As for 2013 being a renaissance, that’s like saying One Direction is a better boy band than New Kids On The Block. If you think everybody is talking about movies, you’re in the “industry.” It’s a closed shop that more and more tune out. Let us inside. Mystery is history, it went away with the Internet. No one’s on a pedestal anymore, certainly not these two-dimensional actors who are constantly committing faux pas in public.

Story is king.

As for the story of these Oscars… What is it again?

Death is not distant, it’s inevitable, and ever-closer.

No one knows anything. Confidence is a front. Everybody is insecure.

No one cares about your SAT scores unless they aced the test.

We’re all lonely looking to be connected.

You’ll regret choices earlier in your life, but you’ll accept them.

You’ll want the decade back when you were lost and drifting.

You’re never going to recover from some physical ills, aches and pains are part of the process of dying, and that’s what you’re doing, every day.

Women inject their lips to look good to other women, the same way they buy and wear trendy outfits and shoes. Men just want someone who will listen to them, soothe them and have sex with them.

Your parents said television was the idiot box, and you feel guilty every time you watch for hours, but you’re addicted.

Being good-looking is overrated. Sure, it opens some doors, but it stunts you in other ways. Character is built by challenges, if you avoid them, you’re at a loss.

Having friends is better than having money.

If you were never on the path to riches, you will never be rich.

Doors are closing every day. If there’s something you want to do, start now.

Acceptance is no easier than it was when you were five, but it’s necessary in order to soldier on.

You really want to be involved with someone your own age, because no matter how attractive a younger person might be, they do not get the references.

If a couple says they have no arguments, their divorce is imminent. Or one member lives in quiet desperation, fearful of stating their truth.

People let you down.

Everybody is out for themselves. They make decisions accordingly. Don’t take it personally.

Some people were dead at thirty. It’s a full time job trying to stay alive.

Most of what you learned in school you’ve already forgotten.

You lament they didn’t have calculators in school when you were forced to use a slide rule.

Where you went to college doesn’t matter, unless it was Harvard or Yale, because those are clubs whose members open doors for each other.

If you’re working for the man, it’s just a matter of time before you lose your job.

You probably won’t make as much money as your parents.

You probably drive a worse car every time you get a new one. Once upon a time you could afford a Volvo, now you drive a Camry.

People are dying to tell you their story. Ask them questions. They’ll tell you everything.

You’ll become more comfortable in your own skin.

You’ll be happier.

You’ll stop doing things you don’t want to do. Actually, this happens not long after you move out of your parents’ house.

You’ll stop being fascinated by that which consumed you previously. Sports may become meaningless.

You won’t know who the people they’re talking about in “People” and the rest of the gossip rags are, and you won’t care.

You’ll realize no one leaves their mark, except for a few people who didn’t know they were doing so, so it’s a futile pursuit.

Wrinkles only bother those who have them. Beauty changes when we get older. We’re looking for a glint in the eye, a sense of satisfaction and adventure.

If you’re up for anything, we’re attracted to you.

No one can keep a secret.

There are truly rich people and chances are you’re not one of them. Unless you’ve got a friend, you’ll rarely get the best seat, you’ll rarely get preferential treatment. You don’t want to see yourself as one of the unwashed masses, but you are.

You don’t want to be President.

Life is topsy-turvy, just because someone’s successful today, that does not mean they will be so tomorrow.

Even the best and the brightest have kids who screw up.

Not everybody has to go to college to be successful, although this is impossible for parents to accept when their children drop out.

People oftentimes don’t want to hear the truth, you’ll have trouble getting ahead if you don’t know when to hold your tongue.

Everybody gets cancer, if you ain’t got it, your time is coming.

You think you want to live forever, but you don’t, because none of your friends will be around to share it with.

There are two types of people, those who want to retire and those who don’t.

There are two types of people, those who prepared for retirement and those who didn’t, and some have to continue to work when they don’t want to.

Your health may not allow you to continue to work, even if you want to.

It’s fun learning what the people you grew up with are up to, but you really don’t want to hang with any of them that you weren’t hanging with before the Internet.

People don’t change. Certainly not unless they want to. So expect the person who bugged you in school to still bug you as an adult. And know that chances are you can never ever get back together with your ex because what caused the breakup back then still exists.

Marriage is hard.

Divorce is even harder.

Sometimes life is better with a new partner, but sometimes it’s not.

People who want to make you feel inadequate feel inadequate themselves.

Not everybody grows up, some are still bullies.

People who would hit you as kids won’t hit you as an adult, mostly because they’re afraid of the lawsuit.

The biggest rebel in school is complacent as an adult.

Some of your best friends will become Republicans.

Some of your best friends will retreat to religion.

You’ll laugh at those trying to look younger, or follow their lead down the path of inadequacy.

You’ll regret you stopped piano lessons.

You’ll see the passing of your parents as a precursor to your own demise. Once they’re gone, you’re next.

You’ll love making references to old movies and songs.

Unless you have children, the Top Forty will become meaningless.

You’ll be stunned that the biggest TV shows and stars of yore will become forgotten as time goes by.

You’ll be more interested in the news, and more interested in politics.

You’ll think it was better when you were young.

Even though you are closer to death, you won’t want to be young again. You had so many questions, you were so angst-ridden, you were searching. As the cliche goes, youth is wasted on the young.

The key to longevity is letting go of the past.

You’ll look back at one specific time in your life when you were happiest, and you’ll discover the people who shared the experience agree with you.

You’ll hear from all your significant others, looking for…what they’re not sure.

You’ll recognize hype for what it is. And become disillusioned by it and advertising.

You’ll realize every generation has a teen phenom, a boy band that captures girls’ hearts that fades away.

Stars who can’t go out in public during their heyday will be at the mall buying keys and no one will pay attention to them.

Being famous is overrated, you treasure your anonymity.

Life is for the living, so live it up!

Inspired by “What You Learn in Your 40s”