IF THERE IS SOMETHING

I was fingering the albums at Virgin Records in Notting Hill Gate long before everybody knew who Richard Branson was, a year and a half before “Tubular Bells,” and I heard this over the in-store stereo and bought it.

Roxy Music was the band being hyped in the weekly music newspapers, which were a thrill to this American, as well as the Chelsea Drugstore, and in this summer of ’72 it was all about Marc Bolan and David Bowie, who were still unknown in the U.S., and then at the end of August Roxy Music. The first two broke through in the States, Bowie bigger than Bolan, but one can argue that to this very day Roxy Music still has not made it in the U.S.

Hang in until 1:40, when the track changes, you’ll be ENRAPTURED!

CHANCE MEETING

And speaking of being enraptured…

I never thought I’d see you again
Where have you been until now

From the advent, you’re hooked, but wait until the screaming guitar beginning around :35… Your body will writhe, you’ll just have to get closer to the sound.

And there’s a lot of other extended stuff on this debut LP that will enrapture you more than the hit “Virginia Plain,” if you like these two, go to “Sea Breeze” and “Ladytron” and…

IN EVERY DREAM HOME A HEARTACHE

The masterpiece on the second album, “For Your Pleasure,” which was so meaningless in the U.S. that it might as well have not come out, but it was a monster in the U.K.

I can’t even imagine a band today cutting something that sounds like this, never mind making an ode to a blowup doll.

Roxy Music cut more aggressive/upbeat stuff than the above three tracks, but none of it quite as good. I just don’t want you to think that the band only featured moody music. Check out “Do The Strand,” “For Your Pleasure”‘s opening cut, for example.

AMAZONA

“Stranded” is playable throughout, there’s not a clunker on it, it’s the album fans could play for friends and they’d… No, Roxy Music was not a band you could play for anybody but yourself, they were your own private pleasure.

I found this the most accessible cut on the album, but also check out “A Song For Europe” and “Mother Of Pearl.”

A REALLY GOOD TIME

The album with the nude girls on the cover which were replaced with…ferns in the U.S.

Yes, we’re Puritans.

To encounter the cover of “Country Life” pre-Internet, when nudity was rare, was to get a rise in the trousers of every male music fan.

Having said that, “A Really Good Time” is exceptional. It’s a harbinger of what’s to come, after the band reforms and makes it masterpiece, “Avalon.”

Bryan Ferry is so passionate here, he sells it, this track wasn’t a chart hit, but if you heard it it was a personal favorite, it spoke to you.

And it still does and will…

You know I don’t talk much
Except to myself
‘Cause I’ve not much to say
And there’s nobody else
Who’s ready and willing
And able to know me, I guess

Back when music spoke to the individual as opposed to everybody, when it soothed the wounds of loneliness and made you feel included… INCREDIBLE!

P.S. My favorite version of this song is actually the cover by Iva Davies on his album “The Berlin Tapes.”

CASANOVA

I actually prefer the solo version by Bryan Ferry on his album “Let’s Stick Together,” but this came first. I’ve included the solo take, check it out. There’s less on it, it’s less “experimental,” but with the heavy bass, it penetrates.

LOVE IS THE DRUG

And here’s where the band finally gets recognition in the United States.

“Love Is The Drug” is irresistible.

Love is the drug and I need to score

ABSOLUTELY!

And for those playing the home game, and if we liked something, we always bought the album, the intro, with the person walking across the pavement, getting into the car and revving it up… Wow!

BOTH ENDS BURNING

Aggressive and in your face, this was a worthy follow-up to “Love Is The Drug,” the band was finally in a commercial groove, and it promptly…broke up.

Solo records and collaborations. They walked away. Until…

DANCE AWAY

“Manifesto,” the reunion album, was a disappointment, but not this, which presaged the band’s new sound.

This is pure magic.

You can also listen to “Trash” and “Angel Eyes,” but you don’t have to…

IN THE MIDNIGHT HOUR

“Flesh + Blood” was uneven, but was much more listenable than “Manifesto.”

It opens with this cover, a feature of Bryan Ferry’s solo career, taking famous songs and remaking them with arrangements that were similar, yet…different. It was his vocal. This is still fresh today.

And if you like this, check out “Eight Miles High” from side two, never mind Ferry’s solo work, especially his debut, “These Foolish Things.”

OH YEAH!

And this is one of the most incredible cuts ever, the kind you should strive to create if you’re a musician.

Our favorites are always somewhat dark and personable, they speak to us.

I can write more, but I can’t improve upon the exquisite experience of listening…please do so.

MORE THAN THIS

And now comes the masterpiece, whereupon Roxy Music shaves off all of its rough edges and puts out an album so subtle everybody misses it, but ultimately catches on months later, as both women and men, fans and newbies, embrace it.

“Avalon” seems to be forgotten, but I’ll tell you I’ve had more sex to its grooves than any other LP. And unlike Grover Washington, Jr. and his “Winelight,” “Avalon” was not lightweight, it was credible, worthy of attention, and more…

This is the opening cut. It immediately enthralls you.

Doesn’t overwhelm you, just draws you in.

TO TURN YOU ON

This was the cut that got airplay, to the degree there was any.

This built upon “Dance Away” from “Manifesto” and “Oh Yeah” from “Flesh + Blood,” but in its own way improved upon them, by being so slick and so perfect as to be impenetrable and all embracing at the same time. It was as if the band said here it is, the best we can do, TOP THIS!

Is it raining in New York on Fifth Avenue
And off Broadway after dark, love the lights, don’t you
I could walk you through the park
If you’re feeling blue or whatever
Spring, summer, whenever, winter through fall
I’d do anything to turn you on
Anything to turn you on

Whew!

THE MAIN THING

There are no losers on “Avalon,” if you’re unfamiliar with Roxy Music, I’d tell you to start here.

And, as of now, this is my favorite cut. It’s moody, it’s electronic, and if you do a bit of searching you can uncover extended remixes, my favorite of which I’m going to include here.

You see a mood is set and you want it to be endless, Roxy Music presaged the dance floor craze, taking the electronic sounds Kraftwerk pioneered and adding a bit more lyricism, melody, and ending up with this…which would still hypnotize dance floors today.

I just can’t get enough.

Rhinofy-Roxy Music Primer

It is so damn hot here in L.A.

I get it, all you people bitching about your east coast winter, how it kept snowing and was always cold.

I’m living on the other side of the country, with the flip side of the equation. In Santa Monica where you’ve got no air conditioning because you don’t need it. Supposedly.

How many times have I seen it this hot in SaMo? In my life, only a couple. In May…NEVER!

Makes you believe in global warming.

But we can’t, because it’s going to impact business and the loonies are all going to heaven in the rapture and I live in a country I don’t recognize.

Yes, I was just at Whole Foods, in Brentwood. Where twentysomethings were flashing diamonds as they pushed around their infants. Where did they get all this money? Did they inherit it? Did they marry into it?

As for all the Ivy League graduates going into finance, you would too. If, like them, you were smart. Because they see the future, and it’s limited for those who are not winners.

But everybody who’s poor believes they’re going to be a winner, so they don’t want to tax the rich because they’re going to be rich soon too.

What a bunch of hogwash.

I grew up in a different era. Yes, I’m old, put me down for it, as readers constantly do, but unlike you I’m wise and experienced. And when I grew up hard work and insight and innovation would not only get you a house in a reasonable neighborhood, but the ability to support your family and go on vacation. Now, most people can’t even pay their bills. You want us to wait on you hand and foot in Manhattan, but where are we supposed to live? Idaho? And commute?

In the back of the plane with no food and a constant fight to get your luggage up in the rack. They say they want to carry their bags on so they don’t have to wait, so they won’t get lost, but the truth is everybody’s damn cheap. Because they’re trying to make ends meet.

And anybody who stops and says “What the hell is going on here?” is a chump. No one wants to be led back, everybody wants to go forward.

So the rich and educated buy insurance. Putting the money they already have in hedge funds where the proprietors are taxed at capital gains rates while you and me pay through the nose. If they’ve got to work, they get jobs most people can’t even understand. The rest of us try to get on reality TV, or develop apps, or get on TV singing shows.

Did you see they were dying?

Because people would rather watch “Shark Tank.” That’s the American dream, coming up with something to strike it rich.

But not everybody wants to play the odds, some people just want to live comfortably. But unions are anathema and the left wing says to bring manufacturing back but isn’t about to give up $200 flat screens.

So we’ve got a wealth of disinformation and where does this leave me?

Like John Lennon said, the dream is over. Face it. We’re all chumps. Except for the few winners.

Do I expect it to go on forever?

No, the Fox News audience is aging out. The rich have become embattled, that’s why they hide behind walls.

And the poor are uneducated and uninformed.

But everybody’s pissed that they can’t get an abortion, health care, welfare, that there’s no safety net.

Of course there is one, but it’s not extensive like it used to be, they’re pulling the rug out from under you. How am I supposed to pick myself up by my bootstraps if there’s no OPPORTUNITY?

WINNER

Luke Bryan, who creates a whole paradigm, releasing an EP every spring break, reaping dough and cred, and no one follows him. Kinda like none of the acts imitating Kid Rock’s $20 ticket trek.

LOSER

Jay-Z. His sister-in-law hit him, but when you’re constantly parading around saying what a winner you are, people are looking to take you down, especially the press.

LOSER

Lady Gaga, who’s doing the same wrong thing once again, focusing on touring dollars while her recording career withers. Hell, she’s not even in the gossip columns anymore.

WINNER

Troy Carter. Brings back John Legend and builds up Lindsey Stirling, did anybody think this was possible? Looks like Gaga should have listened.

LOSER

SoundScan. Streaming is the only thing that counts. Don’t get depressed about the anemic sales numbers, people are listening to music ad infinitum, it’s that they’re just not buying it, but streaming it on YouTube, Spotify… The whole paradigm has changed, no one cares who bought it anymore, just whether they listened to it, and how much. Crunch the streaming data. If you’re not being played, be very afraid. Prop up your listens before you worry about touring or sponsorships.

WINNER

Metallica, playing acoustic covers of Ozzy, Deep Purple, Rare Earth and the Beatles at the MAP dinner. Unfortunately, the only people who seem to know are their fans. The band is still trying to live down the Napster fiasco, beware Jay-Z, be very afraid.

LOSER

HTC

No one cares if you make a GOOD hand-set, your product must be light years better than the competition and be cool to boot. The only future in smartphones is Samsung and Apple and the cheapies.

WINNER

Gossip. You may not be rich, but you can talk about the rich. People just can’t resist the travails of other people.

LOSER

Artists. Because the major label paradigm is not paying, even if you’re owed the money.

WINNER

Jimmy Iovine. Because unlike the losers at the labels, he found a way out. Or, to quote someone Jimmy hasn’t worked with, “He not busy being born is busy dying.”

LOSER

The “Wall Street Journal.” Once a paragon of business reporting it’s now a lame, biased mainstream publication with too many superfluous lifestyle items, the last section is the new “Redbook.” If it’s important and it doesn’t fit the “Journal” ethos it’s not printed or is buried. By speaking to its audience and ignoring the truth the “Journal” is marginalizing itself. The “New York Times” owns news, because no one else is doing reporting and it’s willing to print right wing views. This is kind of like files versus CDs, or physical books versus e-readers, while you’re busy arguing, the one who looks to the future ends up owning the sphere. And he who controls the news controls the discussion. By repeatedly emphasizing global warming on its front page, the “Times” makes it an issue, which the right wing has to address. The “Times” is imperfect, but it’s trying to enter the future, however hamfistedly.

LOSER

Journeymen. Because you’re never going to break through to stardom. And if you find me a journeyman who’s happy being so, I’ll point to a broken person whose dreams have been crushed.

WINNER

Fleetwood Mac, because they get another go-round, or two or three, by having Christine McVie back in the band. You’d think they planned it.

WINNER

The Rolling Stones, because this truly is the last time, and you’ve got to go.

LOSER

Music fans, because still, other than terrestrial radio, no one is telling them what to listen to.

WINNER

Scott Borchetta. A force of nature. You may hate Taylor Swift, you may decry his new Cumulus deal, but if you don’t want to be associated with him, you don’t want to win.

WINNER

Festivals. They’ve achieved the goal of every businessman in the history of the music business, to eliminate the power of the acts. The brand is Coachella, Glastonbury, Lollapalooza, it doesn’t even matter who plays, as long as they’re somewhat famous, people go for the experience, to see and be seen, and to eat good food, it’s a vacation, not a concert. If you’re a star, charge a fortune, if you’re a developing act, have no illusion there’s any benefit other than getting paid.

Louie – So Did the Fat Girl

This is what music used to do. And movies too.

Truth. The human condition. The disconnect between fantasy and reality. Where are we supposed to see this?

Television.

Used to be books. Before “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Now fantasy rules there too.

But being human is hard. Because being human is about being imperfect, in a world where it’s constantly reinforced that you can’t be.

George Clooney, Jennifer Lawrence… Their lives are better than yours will ever be, but if you could just meet them…

And sure, it’s been this way forever, star adulation. But never have we seen the stars’ warts so clearly, yet people still believe, that there’s something better out there for them.

Kind of like the single guys. They can’t date someone imperfect. Not only will it wreck the public’s perception of them, but their own self-image.

And the truth is no one cares. There you’ve got it. No one cares about you. Except maybe your mother and father, your sisters and brothers. The rest? Rise above and they’ll put you down, but truly, no one goes to bed thinking about anyone other than themselves.

So therefore, people are afraid to start. The whole world is about being afraid to start. Looking stupid, making a mistake. Forget all this hogwash about tech stars failing. They succeeded so much before that. Went to an Ivy League school, raised millions of dollars. They’re the outliers. You? You’re just a regular guy.

But the sport of guys is putting each other down, saying how much better they are. And you can’t reveal something that will have you sliding down the totem pole. So you must constantly burnish your image, play up who you know, where you’ve been, your privilege and accomplishments, otherwise… Otherwise WHAT?

I’m not saying every guy should hold hands with a fat girl.

But I am saying if someone is nice to you, and understands you, and complements you, you’ve got to overlook some imperfections.

And women… You say you want a guy, but so often you don’t. You’re caught in the nest of your girlfriends. Spewing inaccurate flattery left and right.

Yes, it’s different for girls. They’re not putting each other down. But they’re also setting men up on blind dates with their perfect friends with no idea how guys see them. She’s single, you are too, VOILA!

But it’s more than that, it’s chemistry.

And chemistry happens when you least expect it, when you’ve got your guard down. Like life.

All this hogwash about preparation. You can’t prepare for life, you can’t visualize what’s coming. Sure, learn math and science, get the basics, but a good life lived well is all about the unexpected.

And when it comes to love, that’s what it’s all about, you find it when you’re not looking.

Assuming you’re looking.

If you never come up to bat, your chops will be poor when you meet someone right.

So in this “Louie” clip Sarah Baker is so honest that she becomes beautiful, she becomes attractive, because that’s what we’re all looking for, some truth and honesty in our lives.

Instead we get an endless parade of “winners” and lies. As if everybody didn’t put their pants on the same way.

But they do!

And sure, if you lose thirty pounds, more guys will chase you. But are those the ones you want? The ones you can’t eat around?

And guys… If you make a million dollars and dress like you’re in a magazine your sexual options will increase, but is that truly your desire, to date V. Stiviano?

And I don’t expect anything to change.

No, maybe that’s wrong.

I don’t expect anybody in a traditional power position to effect change.

But I do know that art changes people.

I’ll make it this simple. MTV decreased barriers against gays and minorities. I’m not saying MTV eviscerated them, but by watching a rainbow coalition of people on the “Real World,” those at home had their horizons broadened.

And now “Louie” is doing the same thing.

That thing we used to do in music. Where how you looked wasn’t as important as how you played. Where you didn’t want to make the music everybody else did. Where you didn’t want to sell out to the corporation. Because it undermined your credibility, and credibility was everything.

And Louis C.K. is all about credibility, getting it right.

He’s a schlub living a schlub’s life.

He didn’t graduate from college.

He’s not beautiful.

But sheer talent has given him a platform.

And what is he doing with it?

Not flying around to private islands with famous actresses, not plying the red carpet, not appearing on TMZ… But pushing the limits of his art.

Not only is Louis C.K. the anti-Kim Kardashian, he’s the anti-Top Ten, he’s doing what musicians used to do so much better.

What kind of ridiculous world do we live in where television is more honest than music?

One in which the talent wakes up and realizes it’s not a cog in the system and employs its power and insight to go deeper to reveal the human condition.

I can forget your record in five seconds.

I’m not gonna forget this fat girl episode.

Because this is guys. Boasting to their friends, leaving potential happiness behind.

As for women…

You’ve got all the power, Sarah utters a taboo, that the men know and the women will never articulate, that a female can have sex whenever she wants.

But with whom?

Her pickings are slim.

But utilize your wiles and you can get any man you want.

Just by being truthful, honest and open.

Those are the keys to our heart.

And after our heart comes our body.