There’s nothing here.

Today it was announced that Apple invested $50 million in UnitedMasters. That’s like you or me going to 7-11 and buying a Twinkie. This is how the rich get richer, they invest in a zillion companies and if one becomes successful…

Same deal with Alphabet and Andreessen Horowitz. You want chump change, you want to hook us up with the players, give us access, give us opportunity with incredible upside? Why not!

But what do we actually have here?

UnitedMasters has been in business in excess of three years… What have they accomplished? NOTHING! How do we know this? Because if you have any success you tell everybody you know about it, you get your publicity team to spam news outlets and we’re all inundated with information we can live without that does not move the needle. But UnitedMasters? Not a peep!

So what do we really have here…

A glorified TuneCore and CDBaby, a way to get your music on to streaming services where it will likely go unheard, WHOO-HOO! Also, there’s a promise that you might get your music hooked up to an ad campaign, on a TV show… That paradigm has riddled the web for two decades now, give us your money and we’ll give you false hope. Then again, there’s a free tier on UnitedMasters, but that’s really only for the true amateur, someone who believes they’ll get no traction, otherwise why give up 10% instead of just paying a once a year fee of $59.99?

I’m sick of people giving hope to the wannabes, giving almost nothing in return other than a promise, a key to the lock of riches, which is rusty and doesn’t work anyway, you’re better off trying to 3D print your own.

That’s right, there’s no easy way to make it in music. There’s certainly no easy way to sustain.

Sure, you could get lucky. Have a clip on TikTok, or YouTube, even get on a playlist at Spotify. But then what? CRICKETS! You see it really does depend on talent, and not only that, but hard work and perseverance, and most people lack all three. But since the barrier to entrance is so damn low in music, people are climbing over it to clamor for attention and after spending money find out no one cares.

Used to be train-wreck publicity could work. But now people are constantly pulling these stunts on platforms all over the web, so if all you’ve got is a story, you’ve got nothing. Don’t get locked into the old game, thinking virality is just a click away and you’ll be in everybody’s hearts and minds forever after. That doesn’t even happen for the big boys and girls, that’s one of the reasons the Grammy ratings sucked, FEW CARE! If nobody cares about the supposed stars, trying to spam their way into our hearts, what are the odds for you? VERY LONG!

We don’t need UnitedMasters, we need one manager/company providing three to five great acts, ONE! That’s the way you beat the big companies, not with a smorgasbord of crap. One could say UnitedMasters is getting a first look, but if you happen to have any success, someone else will scoop you up, one of the majors, unless you want to go it alone.

Which is why we need the aforementioned innovative company/manager. Artists need help, from people, not platforms. Those willing to invest in new and different music, who are not inured to the old ways. Come on, sign to a major label and they’ll get you on radio, TV and in print, maybe sync a song or two to some TV show or commercial, and that’s IT! The same pre-internet paradigm they’ve been relying on forever. As for advertising, Netflix and its competitors don’t have it. The target market hates ads, why do you think that’s an in, a road to possible success?

It starts with the music. Ignore the penumbra. Today all the wannabes are business experts, complaining about streaming royalties when they’re getting none, because no one is listening to them. Where are the people focusing on music? And I’m gonna let you in on a little secret…if you release great music there are tons of ways to make money, sure, you could still be ripped off by a manager or label, but the cash will flow. Today there are more avenues of exploitation than ever before, but the inert, irrelevant news media keeps printing the story of supposedly inadequate streaming royalties. Let me ask you, if I declare myself a baseball player should the MLB start paying me? Case closed.

As for Apple… They know the score, they’re never going to invade the majors’ turf. And forget new music, the majors’ leverage is based on their catalog, which they own until the end of copyright. Apple needs the majors, they’re not going to cross them.

As for Andreessen Horowitz and Alphabet… These people are entertainment ignorant. They think it’s all about money when in truth it’s all about people. And not the people they know, who show up to work on time and deliver on a predetermined date, but free-spirited artists channeling God who will deliver when they’re inspired, and you’ve got to wait for it. Music companies are about marketing, not creation. If anything, you could say that when they get into creation they ruin it. Yes, it’s labels demanding hits that result in us having these tracks with twenty writers and features, which are remixed to death. They’re trying to buy insurance, and there’s no insurance in music, NONE!

Could Apple, Alphabet and Andreessen Horowitz ultimately make money on their investment? Sure, that’s why they call it an investment! Hey, want ten bucks for your lemonade stand? Send me an e-mail with a business plan, I might go for that.

Or maybe I’ll create a SPAC, like the bozo business wannabes. Do all these entertainment big swinging dicks, and they’re all male, really think Wall Street is so easy that they can just run in and scoop up money? While they’re at it, why don’t they say they should head engineering at a tech company! Why is it everybody in America believes they can do everything, when this is patently untrue.

As for Steve Stoute… He made his bones in advertising. Now he can pick and choose acts to fill slots. But the truth is, the companies want names, or they want to pay bupkes.

Then again, Jay Z laid off the moribund Tidal on Jack Dorsey.  And what did all the news reports say? THE MONEY WAS A DROP IN THE BUCKET! Maybe Steve will be able to unload UnitedMasters on a deep pocket mesmerized by the entertainment business, if so, more power to him. But this distribution paradigm is not new, and we are not living in the aughts, it’s no longer about tech innovation, BUT THE MUSIC ITSELF!

But that’s a lot harder to do, especially if you’re a business person.

Come on, how many songs are hits?

Scratch that, how many songs do you want to listen to? If I told you you had to listen to a complete Spotify playlist without a skip option you’d go insane, or turn it down and let it play in the background.

We all want just what we want exactly when we want it. And we don’t want most things. Including UnitedMasters.

I rest my case.