Where do I BEGIN??

So I’m driving down Fairfax Sunday night, listening to the Boneyard, and the riff starts to sound pretty good.  I look down at the readout and see it’s BUCKCHERRY!

I HATE Buckcherry.  It’s that lead singer with all the tattoos, never wearing a shirt.  But this riff, I’m digging it.  And then I hear "Fuck".

After years of terrestrial radio indoctrination, we’re not used to hearing the seven dirty words over the airwaves.  But there, he said it again, he’s DEFINITELY swearing.  I made a mental note to download the track, but I didn’t get to it until today.

Not knowing the name of the track, not having written it down, I went to the band’s Website.  Where it was instantly clear that the song I was looking for was entitled "Crazy Bitch".  And, after switching windows, to insert the title into my P2P program, I went back to the band’s homepage.  Now one of the great things about the modern age is if I write about a song, there’s usually somewhere it’s posted on the Web, so you can hear it.  So I clicked on "New Video" and was taken to another page and clicked on "QuickTime" and…

Well, I saw the lead singer, Josh Todd, without his shirt on once again.  But the band was playing in a bathroom.  And then, around the time of the first "fuck", over in the corner, there are two girls making out.  Well, MORE than making out.  And while I’m contemplating all this, suddenly we’re in a strip bar, then back in the bathroom with more girls and before long, yup, one of the girls has her top off.

They never showed this kind of shit on MTV!

And you wonder why MTV never airs videos anymore…

I won’t quite say my jaw dropped, but…

Shit, I like hot girls as much as the next guy.  And the riff is the kind of bludgeon that takes you away from your everyday problems and there was the CHORUS!

Hey, you’re a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good, I’m on top of it
When I dream, I’m doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

What can I say…  I know this woman.  Well, not personally.  But popular culture has iconized her.  The beautiful girl who likes to fuck.  Maybe screwed up from being TOO beautiful, but you can’t resist.  The fucking makes it all worthwhile.

So then I go back to the homepage, where I find there’s a NEWER video. "Behind the Bitch: A Look Behind The Scenes At ‘Crazy Bitch’ Video Shoot".  Well, I’ve got to watch this.  Don’t YOU??

Now when I was growing up, if good girls did, they certainly didn’t talk about it.  Maybe you heard rumors, but in school they were wearing sweaters, they appeared paragons of cool.  You could FANTASIZE, but they were not willing participants in your mental movies.  You undressed them with your eyes, but they didn’t take their clothes off for you.  But today, EVERYBODY’S a ho.

Doubt me?  Just walk down your block.  Between the low-rise jeans and the belly shirts and the…

Shit, it’s five year olds.  And their mothers too.  In a lockdown Christian society, everybody seems to be saying, HERE I AM, COME AND TAKE ME!

In the eighties you’d have trouble finding girls to take off their tops.  But today?  There’s a plethora of willing females, just check out this casting call video.  And when the two girls say the song is about them, "Crazy bitches who like to fuck.", you instantly say to yourself, WHERE CAN I SIGN UP!  And later, when Josh Todd says "This is the greatest job in the world!", you agree.

The rockers wrote this script.  But they ceased pushing the envelope when hair band music was eclipsed by grunge and the boy bands came in.  The rockers were parodies of themselves.  The limit testing was done by hip-hoppers. And hip-hop took over.  Hell, ever watch one of those rap videos?  You want to BE IN THEM!

Back at the Buckcherry homepage, I saw "’Crazy Bitch’ video – featuring YOU."  Clicking here I ended up at: Greg from High Speed Stereo in Crazy Bitch.  And here’s where we have the essence.  Does this kid look like he’s EVER been laid?  Shit, if he had been, he wouldn’t be making this video, looking all dorky.  But he WANTS TO!

That’s what I love about the Internet.  Parents have NO CLUE what their kids are up to.  Reading about predators on MySpace, an almost irrelevant threat, they’ve got no idea what their kids are actually thinking or doing.  There’s a whole subculture that parents are unable to comprehend, never mind prevent their kid’s participation in.  I mean what do you think the parents of THIS kid would say if they saw this video?

Oh, don’t think I’m impressed with Buckcherry’s actions here.  This is all marketing.  Just within the expanded limits of the Web.  Porn will garner eyeballs FOREVER!  And soon, kids lip-synching to songs will be about as hip and relevant as mash-ups (oh, you didn’t get the memo those were OVER?)  But you’ve got to give 10th Street credit.  They took a passe band and brought them BACK!

P.S. If you can’t see the x-rated Buckcherry clips because of the band’s slow, overloaded server, just go to youtube.  The site is editing out boobies…yeah, RIGHT!  Also, be sure to check out THIS homemade video: Crazy Bitch.  Believe me, THIS kid has never been laid.  Or maybe I’m just too old, to set in my vision of the world to realize that the starting age for sexual activity is…puberty?