The Toilet Bowl Cleaners

“Poop In My Fingernails” is a hit!

Like I told you, I read the newspapers from cover to cover.

I start with the L.A. “Times,” because there’s so little in it. I check Calendar for the entertainment news, but so much of it is hype/fluff. Then the scores in Sports. The California section, to see if anything’s going on in the state, and then Business, which is oftentimes just a page or two. If you got the L.A. “Times,” you’d get the idea nothing is happening.

But I stop short of the front page. I don’t read that until I’m done with the “New York Times,” because it goes into so much more depth. I oftentimes read the same story twice, i.e. different takes in different papers, just to glean more info, and sometimes the spin is completely different! The NYT said car sales were burgeoning! The WSJ said they were in trouble! I follow this pretty closely, I know the WSJ is right. (Actually, I should be saying “SUV sales.” But, when the next energy crisis comes, will everybody start running to Honda and Mazda, which are getting creamed because they’re still focused on sedans?) So, I read the “New York Times” for the real news. Although I usually read from back to front. Or, what used to be back to front, now Business is second, I go for that first. (Yes, I still read the physical papers, you find stuff you won’t see online, although I am addicted to the apps, and it’s funny how they change the headlines.) I used to read Arts first, but that’s nearly a joke, not as bad as the LAT, but still… And to tell you the truth, one of the best sections of the week comes on Tuesday, Science is a killer, and I thought I didn’t even like science!

And when I’ve finished the hard news in the NYT, I switch to the “Wall Street Journal,” whose best paper is on Saturday. I start with Off Duty, which contains Dan Neil’s car reviews, he’s the best. And then I go to the front section and then to the second section, which they’ve now renamed “Exchange.” I think that’s where I read about the Toilet Bowl Cleaners. I had to call out to Alexa to hear their music immediately, I could not make it to the final section, Review, yet.

So this guy Jonathan Eig writes about driving with his family. Here’s the link, but it’s behind a paywall:

The Family Delights of Silly Poop Songs

Eig says he never relinquishes the dial, just like his dad.

It was different when my father was driving. If it was a family trip, he’d start out with beautiful music, or “Monitor,” but eventually we’d lobby for our tunes. He’d switch, and that would last anywhere from 30-45 minutes before he freaked out, uttered an obscenity, and then went back to his stations.

But Eig is feeling guilty so he asks his kids what they want to listen to…




The kids said when you ask Alexa to play songs about poop, that’s what you get. I immediately tried it, I didn’t get the Toilet Bowl Cleaners, but then I asked for them directly and started cracking up!

Kids have a fascination with poop. And you probably do too, even though you won’t admit it. Come on, do you check out the size of your turds?

Well, it turns out that the Toilet Bowl Cleaners, aka Matt Farley, have a way with both words and changes. The vocal might not be radio-ready, but you get hooked!

So I started to research, I’d never heard of the guy.

So, Wikipedia tells us Matt made $23,000 from his songs back in 2013. I’m sure it’s only gone up from then, assuming these numbers are accurate, who knows? After all, “Poop In My Fingernails” only has 1,765,148 streams on Spotify as I write this. And there are only 523,287 views on YouTube. But it turns out the Toilet Bowl Cleaners isn’t Matt’s only act. He’s got one for food. Oftentimes each song features a different moniker! Oh, and Matt will write a custom song for a mere $65. Although a deluxe number, fully produced, costs $170.

So what we have here is a business. Matt is probably making more than the wannabe pop and hip-hop acts. Most people don’t know his name, but then again many people no longer know the names of those who go number one!

Now Eig had Farley write him a custom song. About armpit farts. I clicked through to hear it on YouTube. I was shocked to find out “Armpit Farts, A Love Song,” only had 2,333 views. That’s right, you think you get press and you’re home free! But most people don’t click through, if they read the news at all.

But the thing is…Matt Farley has talent, as well as a swell sense of humor. He’s got a better idea of what’s a hit than those trying to create one! He understands you’ve got to hook the listener immediately, that you want to be able to sing along, oftentimes before the track is even over, and he knows that changes are the key to creating a smash.

I don’t expect the Toilet Bowl Cleaners/Matt Farley to become household names. However, they play live, they have a festival, in the minds of their fans, they’re somebodies! (And never forget the success of “Baby Shark”!)

By starting from the bottom up, by not trying to reach everybody, by employing the new tools to create and distribute, Matt Farley has created a business. This is the cottage industry the internet affords.

And I’d rather listen to Matt Farley than much of what’s in the Spotify Top 50…IT’S POOP!




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