I hate writing them a check every month.

All I really want is super high speed Internet and a modicum of TV channels. Since I never watch the boob tube anyway, other than Bill Maher and an occasional other HBO program. I used to get every single channel offered, believing since I was in the media business I required that access. I remember Ann Powers reviewing Live Earth or some other useless made for television music event that they don’t have anymore and stating that she couldn’t watch it because she didn’t get that channel. Huh? Either you’re all in or you’re not. Especially if you’re a scribe for the L.A. “Times,” although she’s not there anymore, then again, almost no one else is either. But now when everybody’s time-challenged, even five year olds, my priorities are such that I’ve got no time for television.

Oh, don’t call me a cheapskate. I’ll gladly pay my Verizon Wireless bill. Hell, they told me to cut down my data plan, I never wanted to hit my limit, I was overpaying!

But these nickel and dime outfits, including Verizon landlines, are driving me nuts. They keep raising the price inexplicably and providing worse service.

Why do I need a landline?

Well, you don’t expect me to use Time Warner’s phone service, do you? Just read the reviews, people analogize it to two Dixie cups held together by a string. And it doesn’t work in an emergency anyway. And in California, we’ve got ’em. They’re called earthquakes.

So I’ll pay $45 a month for my landline. Yes, my mobile handset is probably enough, but it’s uncomfortable when I’m surfing the Net at the same time and I’ll pay for that clarity for the few times I actually speak on the telephone. But this month it was $68. I pay for discount long distance, but my calls were not far enough, to the Valley and Laguna Beach, and they didn’t qualify, so I was charged eight bucks. Just push me into canceling service, I dare you!

But it’s even worse. The line went completely dead last winter and it took them a week to revive it and ever since my answering machine won’t work right, it cuts off calls. And you might ask why I need such a thing and I’ll tell you it’s to screen calls, so I don’t pick up for the telemarketers and the other time-wasters. It’s the most efficient system, better than voicemail, when the machine works, which it really doesn’t anymore.

And I’m paying the bills and I see that the Time Warner one I knocked down from $200 to under $150 is now $168, not even a year later. Huh? That’s almost a car payment, check the leases. What happened in less than twelve months to add $18?

Oh, that’s right, I’ve got to pay for Les Moonves’s lifestyle. As if he doesn’t have enough already. He had a standoff with Time Warner and all of us who paid couldn’t watch CBS or Showtime for a long time. Not that I do anyway. But my girlfriend is addicted to “Dexter,” and she couldn’t catch up. Not to mention that she pays for service at her own home. And it’s not like Time Warner is issuing a rebate. No, they just gave us one free on demand movie. Whoop-de-do!

So I think I might cut the cord.

Hell, who wants on demand movies anyway, when we’ve got Netflix? Not that I utilize the service, I’ve got enough entertainment I’m not watching but paying for to last me five lifetimes. But the rest of the cheapskates want one flat fee for everything, yup, that’s the biggest Netflix bitch, not that you can’t rent DVDs at the old low price, they’re fine with streaming, they just can’t fathom that everything’s not available!

And it’s not that I’m against subscriptions. Hell, I think Spotify, Rdio, MOG/Beats and Deezer are a bargain, considering one album costs as much as a month. But rationalize television to me once again? I’ve got to pay so you can watch sports? So Bob Iger and Steve Jobs’s widow can get ever richer?

Come on.

I used to buy the argument that the bundle was better, it kept prices low across the board. But that was back before the Internet, back before we had options. Really, television is a scam to make the providers rich, never mind the cable operators who say they’re on our side. Yup, niche outlets get paid a fortune by cable operators, which means we’re subsidizing them. It’s like paying for your next door neighbor’s gardener when all you’ve got is concrete and astroturf.

But really, it’s less about the money than the attitude. How dare they! Ain’t that America. Where the rich are entitled and stick it to everyman. Then again, that’s also America where the poor take it, believing one day they too will be rich and will be able to rip off the downtrodden.

Our only hope is the youngsters, the teens who go to college and no longer take not only a stereo, but a television set. They don’t need it. Their laptop is enough. Then they graduate and if you think they’re gonna pay $168 a month you’re probably paying their health and auto insurance, otherwise in this no job McWorld you just can’t afford it.

But it gets even worse. Time Warner needs more money so they start increasing the modem lease price. They’re now feeling so guilty that they say I could buy one. But they don’t offer to sell me one. No, I’ve got to do research and get no service and why is it that there are so many charges on my bill that I just can’t understand?

Oh, I could lose some channels. But then I wouldn’t be able to qualify for reasonably priced Internet. I’ve got to have 1 Digital Video tier to do that. Never mind that they overcharged me for years when after they bought Adelphia’s assets, I was paying for service that I could not get. A refund? Are you kidding me?

And just try going to their Website or calling them. The site is incomprehensible and the phone operators are not familiar with what they’re selling. And you end up wasting so much time that you’re better off just paying every month and forgetting about it.

That’s what all these companies do. Try to keep you in the dark and make it so hard to change that you won’t.

Even worse, they’re a monopoly. Oh, you could get Verizon DSL instead of Time Warner cable Internet, but that’d be like walking from L.A. to New York instead of taking an airplane, it’s just that damn slow. As for FiOS…sounds great, but the build-out is done and the footprint is minimal.

Furthermore, the day I cut down on channels is the day I find out the one channel I want to watch is unavailable. That’s how they do it. The packages are irrational. You can’t buy what you want.

But the whole world now only wants to buy what it wants. And it’s those companies who realize this who will prosper. People are dying to abandon Time Warner, given an opportunity they will, the same way they gave up buying CDs when Napster launched.

But the faceless Time Warner and the smirking Les Moonves think the gravy train is forever.

But as Rob Halford sang so eloquently, they’ve got another thing coming.