Felice is a PHENOMENAL drummer!

Maybe it’s her musical pedigree, but shit, I may never pick up the sticks AGAIN!

It’s so much work! I took drums in 5th grade, from Mr. Fink, a sourpuss who soured on me almost instantly. But if we’d had "Rock Band" back then, who knows, I might be behind the kit instead of writing this shit!

After rescuing the set-up instructions from the discard pile, I played roadie and built the drum kit. Then plugged it into the PS3 with the USB cable. And fired up "Wanted Dead Or Alive". A tune SO good, that Jon Bon Jovi redid it as "Blaze Of Glory"!

I’m behind the kit and the crowd is booing. To the point where the singer throws his mic on the stage and the music stops. Who me coach? I fucked up?

Yes, I DID! Turns out those orange bars are for the KICK DRUM! And I wasn’t pedaling worth a lick. Eventually, on a replay, I got a few cheers, but I felt like everybody was looking at me, I couldn’t wait to get off the stool.

Then Felice took my spot. Shit, she hit every note! She gave great fills. I guess some people just have natural rhythm.

But I can sing… Yes, I’ve sung to "Wanted Dead Or Alive" MANY times.

But after laboriously loading two players, feeling like I was a blind man foraging in the video game darkness, we were both hooked up, but I couldn’t pull up "Wanted Dead Or Alive"! So we settled for "Mississippi Queen".

Did you know she was a prostitute? How many times have I listened to Mountain’s "Climbing!"? Hell, I even know Corky Laing, I saw the band at the Fillmore East…but I thought the action took place outside of PITTSBURGH! Turns out Leslie West is singing about VICKSBURG! My northern bent prevented me from hearing the true location! Or maybe it was the vinyl played through crummy speakers in basements during my senior year of high school.

What breaks records is repetition. And you hear the same songs over and over again on "Rock Band". Shit, I’ve come to like OK Go’s "Here It Goes Again". We’re still breaking records the old fashioned way, picking hits and then drilling them into consumer’s brains. But now, the audience is COMPLICIT!

I’ve got to go back to the TV room. I can hear Felice banging out her fills. I need to pick up the guitar, I need to see if I can COMPETE!